


Red Rabbits: Season 2

by bloodydamnit, Jeni182



Series: Red Rabbits Universe [3]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: < is not detailed. is only used for canon reference to robin cross's backstory, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Podcast, Referenced Kidnapping, Referenced murder, Scars, implied/underaged rape and abuse, true crime au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:55:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 282,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21727873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodydamnit/pseuds/bloodydamnit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeni182/pseuds/Jeni182
Summary: You’re listening to Season Two of Red Rabbits, the Case of the Newark 9. My name is Robin Cross. I’m number 8. And I survived.Disclaimer: This season is dark. We won't pretend it's not. It's dark and it's not for the faint of heart, but we really tried to make every single action we take justified. Nothing that is tagged under abuse or otherwise is current and it is in no way detailed, whatsoever. We really took every reference seriously and there will be a list of triggers before every single chapter. It's part of the reason why getting this story out took so long. We want you all to know we have been double and triple checking ourselves to make sure every topic in this Season is handled properly. If there are any questions, please message us via the links in the AN of ch 1.
Relationships: Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Seth Gordon/Dion
Series: Red Rabbits Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1466965
Comments: 412
Kudos: 597





	1. Episode 1: The Newark 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [explanation on why it's important to read Behind the Pod before this season](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/189439142970/ooc-catch-up-on-behind-the-pod)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. After how many months, Season 2 of Red Rabbits is finally here and we're so excited to share it with you.  
> With that being said, we take the disclaimer we placed in the Season 2 summary very seriously. This part of the Red Rabbits series is going to be heavy, but we've tried our best to handle it as gracefully as we possibly could. With every step we take, we've been trying to find ways to skirt around issues, while also addressing them as non-explicitly as possible. And with that being said, every topic we handle has been taken seriously. That includes any art being made alongside this series has been made by BloodyDamnit and any real life photos are of her. We felt really fucking weird about using actual people for this, considering the subject matter deals with abused children, so every piece of evidence, etc is made from scratch, and none will be more than newspaper clippings, childhood photos, etc.  
> Considering how we've handled Andrew's character, we hope you trust us to take into his mental wellbeing into account, in addition to our audience.  
> So, now onto you, the reader. There are a lot of triggers in this first chapter, located between the double lines that indicate every part of the podcast. Before you read the list, please know that we handled them with the least amount of detail possible and we also understand if you do not want to continue with this part of the series. If you scroll to the end of the chapter, we'll have listed all our references as well as some real foundations dedicated to finding missing children. So please check them out if you don't want to continue reading, but still want to pay attention to such issues.  
> -  
> While this is a work of fiction, we wanted to point out real and serious issues that America faces today - and that's the disappearances of black and brown girls. Of course boys go missing every day, but in regards to Robin's story and especially missing black girls, we wanted to narrow it down to have one focus. That doesn't mean we won't still touch on missing lgbt+ children, missing boys, etc. Remember that Andrew is half the narrative in this story, so you'll very much be reading his experiences with injustice as well. 
> 
> Okay. That was a lot. Here we go. Ch 1, Ep 1, trigger list:  
> Referenced Child Abuse  
> Referenced Sexual Assault  
> Referenced Rape/Non-Con  
> Referenced Serial Killer  
> Referenced Serial Rapists (Use - specifically podcast parts and non-explicit)  
> Referenced Murder (Words used - decomposition, "remains", body, etc)  
> Implied/Referenced Consensual Sexual Content
> 
> Cont. in end notes

[ Strange Fruit Instrumental by Billie Holiday ]

* * *

* * *

“Fuck,” Andrew grunted and rubbed his ribs. He held up a hand and took a step back. “Give me a second, Walker. Jesus.”

Renee lowered her gloved fists and wiped her wrist across her sweaty forehead. Violet bangs pushed to the side as a smile blossomed on her lips through labored breaths. “You’re out of practice, hm?”

Andrew glared at her. “Well, _someone_ decided to fuck off to Miami for the better part of the goddamn summer.”

“I’m back now,” Renee countered, unwrapping her gloves and tossing them on the table. “So you have someone to beat up on the regular.” 

They were in one of the basement rooms of Fox Tower. Usually meant for photography/film students and staff, there were two darkrooms down the hall and several private studios. In their last year at PSU they (meaning Andrew with reluctant approval from Renee) cleared a junk room out of broken equipment and made it into a sparring space. It was bare, but the floor was nice and it was set off in a more secluded part of the basement. 

Upon Andrew’s return, it looked exactly as they’d left it - which for _some reason_ was nice. The two of them had spent countless hours down there, exchanging fists and jabs well into the night as Andrew fought back spirals and procrastinated on projects.

Andrew unwrapped his own gloves and sat on top of the table, grabbing his bottle of water on the way. As he cracked the cap, he furrowed his brows at her. “So what’s the deal there?” he asked, studying her for a moment. “Are you moving to Miami or what? Is Reynolds stealing you from me?”

Renee laughed and it was nice to hear. He missed it, missed her. “Should’ve made your move sooner.” She smiled at him and Andrew couldn’t place a time he’d ever seen her so genuinely happy. She was bright. 

“Ah, well. Live and learn,” he quipped, taking a sip from his water. 

Renee rolled her eyes and leaned her hip against the table. “No, I’m not moving to Miami. Not now, anyway,” she shrugged. “I have obligations here, she has obligations there. We’ll see each other when we can and figure it out as we go.”

 ~~_Good_ ~~ ~~.~~

Andrew nodded and screwed the cap back on. He’d been so sure she was going to leave and while he wouldn’t blame her, he would miss her. However, he knew that if Neil had insisted on staying in New York, Andrew would probably be there now. He couldn’t deny that. Nonetheless he sighed in relief, held back the small smile, and nodded as he voiced aloud, “Good.”

“And you and Neil?”

“What about me and Neil?”

“How’s it going? I feel like we haven’t talked about _it_ in so long.” Her eyes softened. “I’m sorry, I’ve been so distracted an-”

Andrew’s snort cut her off. “Some people get stupid around leggy blondes. It’s fine. I’m sure you couldn’t help it-” She threw her sweaty towel at him. 

“Don’t change the subject.”

He threw the towel back and made a show of rolling his eyes. “It’s going... It’s... going,” Andrew settled. There were a thousand and one things he could say about _them_ , and he knew Renee would listen without an ounce of judgment. It was just that he was afraid if he started he wouldn’t be able to stop and end up saying something he’d regret expressing later. But patient as always, Renee remained quiet and waited him out. He inhaled a deep breath. “It’s _good_. Seriously. Really good - too good, honestly.” His brows furrowed. “At this point, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Renee cocked her head at him. “Why? Can’t it just be that you’ve found someone that makes you really happy?”

Internally he scoffed. ~~_No. That doesn’t happen to me._ ~~

Externally he shook his head. “I don’t know.”

Really, he supposed both were true and a small niggling began at the back of his head. Ever since Neil came into his life ~~(or Andrew inserted himself into his)~~ everything changed. He’d never felt like this before, never cared like this before, never - 

It wasn’t that he was worried about things ending or either of them suddenly changing their minds. This happiness, this all consuming _yes_ and _something_ was, _is_ everything to him, and he just wanted to ride this wave and soak it all in because things were _good_ . _Really_ good. It wasn’t just him trying to convince himself. He just couldn’t deny the fact that he had a habit of attracting incredibly fucked up situations for himself and subsequently, a very small ~~very big~~ part of himself worried that he was going to bring it upon Neil, too. 

Renee sat next to him, bumping her shoulder with his and snapping him out of his messy thoughts. “Stop worrying,” she murmured, shaking her head. “I’ve been around you two. I wish you could see yourselves from the outside. There's something almost... tangible in the way you’re connected. He looks at you like you’ve hung the moon, you know.”

_I do_

Andrew stood. He didn’t really want to have this conversation anymore. The warmth that was curling in his stomach, in his chest, behind his eyes... it was almost too much. His phone provided a welcome distraction when it buzzed in his pocket. 

“Listen,” he answered, “I’ve been gone for an hour. I understand wanting to be around my wit and charm all the time, but this is getting to be ridiculous-”

Neil sighed dramatically, _‘Yes, yes. You’re amazing. Dan wanted me to call you to make sure you’d be back for the meeting. She’s on my ass about finding out where we’re at.’_

Neil was annoyed. Andrew could tell because _of course_ he fucking could. The question was automatic, “What happened?”

 _‘Nothing_ **_happened_ ** _. Just get here.’_

“For someone who spent most of his life lying his ass off, you’re really bad at it.” 

_‘It’s really nothing,’_ Neil groaned. _‘Jack is just being a fucking prick and Wymack threatened to sign me up for a creative writing class if_ _I threatened to beat Jack’s ass one more time.’_

_Ha_

“I say go for it. You’d benefit from a creative writing class and Jack would benefit from an ass beating.” He could practically hear Neil rolling his eyes through the phone. 

_‘Just hurry up, okay? I’ll need you to buy me lunch to raise my spirits later.’_

“Christ, you’re spoiled.”

 _‘Yep.’_ Neil hung up and Andrew didn’t even realize he was smiling until he caught Renee’s eyes. 

“Oh shut up, Walker,” he mumbled, before making his way out of the room and up to the studio.

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Welcome to Season 2 of Red Rabbits. I’m your host, Andrew Minyard. And though he needs no introduction -_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Ah, I’m infamous now. I rather like the sound of that._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_You’re welcome for making that happen._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_[ scoff ]_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_As you can tell, this season I have a co-host. The subject of Season 1, official TFN member, and co-producer, Neil Josten. How do you like your new position?_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Hell of a lot better than running._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_[ laugh ]_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_No, really. It feels good. Though I was initially hesitant to join Andrew this season, because I have absolutely no fucking clue what I’m doing, I wouldn’t be anywhere else._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_That makes two of us._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_[ Laughs ]_

_Oh this will go great then. Critically acclaimed podcast, top of the charts show, and neither of us know how to run it. Love that for us._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Not what I meant._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Don’t let the audience hear how soft you’ve become._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Anyway._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Back to my point._

_All of this feels strange - putting myself in the spotlight after so many years of hiding. But once Andrew started talking about Harry Potter, new chapters, and missing kids, how could I resist?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I’m regretting that._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Shut up. You are not. And besides. I’m here now. And I’m ready to make a difference._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_You are. And that brings us to Season 2. Before we start, we want to issue a few warnings. If you follow along on the website, you may be aware. But we want to make absolutely certain that everyone understands and has the chance to shut us off if they need._

_This season is dark. It’s disturbing and though this episode opened light, there’s nothing in this case that we_ **_take_ ** _lightly. There will be mentions of child kidnappings, physical and sexual abuse, and murder. What we will not do is give graphic details of these tragedies. That’s not what we’re about. Our role in this case rests solely on finding the perpetrator and making sure no one forgets his victims names._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_On the website we’ll be tagging relevant posts with trigger warnings. Linked in the description will be Dan’s message regarding what those tags will be, so you can block them from showing up._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_If any of you want a tutorial on how to do that, send a message to our inbox or email_ [ _foxholenetwork@gmail.com_ ](mailto:foxholenetwork@gmail.com) _, and Seth will get on that._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Right. And on top of that, you can always send us an ask or an email if you have an issue with something we’ve done, said, or otherwise. And with that, if you don’t want to move forward with Season 2, this is your chance to go. We completely understand and if you check out the description of this episode, there are a few links to foundations dedicated to victims of child abuse and organizations dedicated to finding missing children._

* * *

* * *

Neil sat in the lounge with the rest of the team, minus Andrew and Renee. Today was the day they were going to lay everything out. They all knew that he and Andrew had chosen a case weeks ago, and they knew they’d already started research but beyond that, they hadn’t really discussed it. Honestly the truth was, everyone had suddenly found themselves coupled and when Season 1 ended, those couplings had taken precedence. Which wasn’t a bad thing, in Neil’s opinion. A lot had happened, a lot of pain and fear, and -

It was just a lot. He was glad they all had a break. 

Seth had mostly been in South Carolina but Dion, his new boyfriend, had also been to visit and in that regard, Seth was pretty much fucking useless when he was in town. Again, Neil didn’t really blame him. After all, he imagined if Andrew lived in a different state, he’d be useless too when they finally got together. 

As for the others, Dan and Matt were fucking ridiculous. Neil was almost positive Matt would’ve already proposed if he didn’t think Dan would kick him straight in the balls for asking so soon. As it was, he was in the professional off-season and he’d rented a condo in Columbia where he could be closer to Dan, while also having access to an Exy court with professional trainers. Of course, he still had a lot of business in New York, but he was in South Carolina whenever he could be. Neil wasn’t complaining. He liked having Matt so close. 

On the other hand, Renee and Allison had been in Miami most of the summer, so he assumed things were going well there. Renee was back in the studio now and Allison was still in Miami with the promise that she’d come soon. 

Presently, the team was impatiently waiting for Andrew and Renee. Seth _tap tap tapped_ away on his phone and Dan had her laptop open, ready to take notes. Neil craned his neck past an intern who’s name he couldn’t remember even if his life depended on it, when he heard a door open and was relieved to see their two missing members. Neil bounced his knee, waiting to catch a glimpse of Andrew. _This meeting is going to be a lot -_ he thought. There was so much they hadn’t told them yet and he wasn’t sure how they were going to react. 

_There he is._

Andrew walked past everyone to his office without a hello, going in for a moment to grab his tablet before making his way to the couch to sit next to Neil. He knew Andrew and Renee had a sparring date, so he wasn’t surprised when Andrew settled beside him still sweaty in workout clothes. Neil, for that matter, didn’t mind. In fact, he scooted closer under the guise of seeing the tablet. Andrew glanced at him from out of the corner of his eyes and raised a brow. 

He ignored it. 

“Finally,” Dan said impatiently and sat a bit straighter, “You’re ten minutes late.”

“Blame Renee,” Andrew said, completely unconcerned as he flicked through the tablet. “She wanted to have a heart to heart in the middle of us trying to beat the crap out of each other.”

“Technically,” Renee settled beside Seth, crossing her legs, “it was at the end.”

“I don’t care when it was. We have a schedule to keep,” Dan said, leaning forward to the conference phone situated on the round table in the middle of the couches. 

“Who are you calling?” Andrew asked. “We’re all here.”

“Allison,” Renee replied for Dan. “She’s part of the team, too.” She didn’t sound offended, Neil thought. But she almost had an air of disappointment that Andrew had forgotten. 

~~_Doubt that._ ~~

If Andrew noticed, he didn’t show it. Instead he raised a brow and asked, “Is she? I was under the impression that the only reason she was involved in Season 1 was because she had a personal interest.” He nodded his head towards Neil. 

~~_Me too._ ~~

Dan dialed the number from her neat notes laid out on the table. “That’s exactly what we’re going to find out. We’ll see where she stands. It’s not fair to expect that she’ll keep footing the bill out of the kindness of her heart.”

Neil looked to Renee but she didn’t react. He guessed she’d already had this conversation with Allison, which brought up a whole other slew of questions Neil had - like how the hell did _that_ happen? Renee was so contained and reserved next to Allison’s sometimes outlandish and loud personality. Andrew pushed his hair off his forehead and Neil automatically watched, not so oblivious to the fact that everyone else probably asked the same about _them_. 

_That’s different. I know how_ **_we_ ** _work together. It’s understanding everyone else that’s hard._

Allison picked up on the first ring. _‘You’re late.’_

Dan rolled her eyes with no heat. Somehow, a friendship had been forged between them over the past few months. Dan and Allison had apparently bonded over what they called their _‘black girl magic’._ Neil wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but he was 85% sure it didn’t involve actual magic. 

“Sorry, Alli,” Renee said, leaning forward on her knees. “Andrew and I were sparring and lost track of time.”

Allison sighed, _‘Y’all had Rey take the fall just so I wouldn’t complain? Smart fucks.’_

“Alli,” Seth spoke up, “Tell D I said hey and I miss his ‘D’. He’ll know what it mean-”

“ _ANYWAY_ ,” Andrew interrupted. “Now that Reynolds is present, can we start? Neil and I have a lot of shit to get through.”

Dan waved a hand, “Go.”

“Succinct as always, our Captain,” Andrew said with a mocking smile that Neil had somehow grown to ~~lo- ado-~~ like. 

_Like?_

_Shut up._

“I’m going to make this as quick as I can,” he continued, “but it’s a lot, so listen up and don’t make me repeat myself.”

Neil smiled to himself. He hid it behind his lukewarm mug of tea as Andrew’s conditions were met with silence. 

“The case we’ve chosen deals with a string of missing girls in Newark, New Jersey.”

 _‘Ugh, New Jersey...’_ Allison mumbled. While Neil was used to the anti-Jersey-spoken-by-a-New-Yorker sentiment, Andrew carried on as if she hadn’t spoken at all. 

“Between the ages of five and nine, all but one was found dead. We _think_ it’s spanned for over twenty years, but can’t say we’ll ever really know. One doesn’t typically wake up one day and set themselves on this track without some sort of escalation. Not statistically at least.” Andrew tilted his head and let a crick out of his neck with a small sigh. Neil wanted to reach out and press his fingers into the tense muscles, but kept his hands to himself. “But what really makes this case stand out - beside the obvious - is that the police have refused to connect any of the dots and have done very little to crack these cases.”

Dan stopped her typing and looked up from her laptop. “Wait... So if the police haven’t connected these kidnappings and murders, why have you? Or _how_ have you -” She shook her head and gestured a hand, “What I mean is, if they go back twenty years, what have the two of you found that they haven’t? Not that I’m doubting you,” Dan added at Andrew’s annoyed scowl. “I’m just wondering where the connection is. What’s the thread?”

Neil leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs and cradling his cooling mug between his hands. “That’s the thing and part of the reason why we wanted to take this case on. All these girls? Minorities - children of color, from low income families, and no _real_ way to fight.”

 _‘Of course,’_ Allison mumbled through the phone. She didn’t elaborate, but the heat in her voice was enough. Seth even dropped his phone to the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. He, of course, knew the bare minimum of this case - enough to get through developing the new website over the past few weeks. He didn’t, however, know any details and Neil could see the hurt on his face already. It was mirrored by Dan’s furrowed brow as she furiously scribbled across one of her many yellow pads. 

Renee even made a small ‘ _oh_ ’ sound, before asking, “Has no one tried to bring this to their attention...?”

_Of course they h-_

“Of course they have,” Andrew spoke for him. Neil was no longer surprised. The cold in the atmosphere, in the topic, drowned out any warmth around. Andrew went on, “Protests, sit ins around various town halls, calls to their representatives, the list goes on. The fact of the matter is, as far as we know this started in the early 90’s. They didn’t have internet outreach or facebook or any of that shit. All they had was milk cartons, newspaper ads, and word of mouth. By the time any sort of effective social media or even advanced DNA profiling was used, a lot of the families ended up leaving the state. No loss of hope, but a lost cause. Because that’s how the system is.” 

“Has there been anything recent, though?” Renee pushed on. 

“Yes,” Neil answered this time. “And to avoid getting into too much detail about the actual cases, there’s a reason why we’re here.” He looked to Andrew to let him explain. He’d been handling this part more than Neil. 

Andrew spared him a glance and crossed his ankle onto his knee as he focused on the group before them. “This summer we received an email from the sole survivor.”

Everyone went still. 

He continued, “She emailed us with an article of her own disappearance.”

 _Article_ was really putting it lightly. The entire piece was no more than five sentences - if that. It was a mere corner of the newspaper, like she was really so insignificant. 

~~_Familiar._ ~~

_Anyway._

“She was a child when she was taken and a child when she was found. But she’s been researching the case and making connections since she was a young teen. However, no one would hear what she had to say when she tried to bring it to light.” 

That last part weighed heavy in the air and its magnitude reflected upon everyone’s face. 

Andrew inhaled deeply and Neil briefly rubbed a hand on his leg before taking it back. The eyes on them were heavy and the weight of them prickled his skin. He ignored it, tried not to think as the thick air began to break and how comforting the press of Andrew’s thigh felt against his. It’d been a hard few weeks of sorting through all of this and nights had become restlessly filled with coffee and articles and endless photographs and -

“So here’s our case,” Andrew concluded. Neil blinked back into focus. “We’ve found 6 girls that match this guy’s MO. No leads, no open investigations and that includes the latest victim found in July. Every case has been officially classified as cold.” He glanced down at the tablet and scrolled through his notes. Neil knew he didn’t need them and pressed his thigh tighter to Andrews in support. “We assume he’s in the Newark area because that’s where most of our girls have gone missing - where most of them have shown up. Look.” Andrew lifted his head and his jaw clenched for half a second. “He sees this as his territory, his stomping grounds... And over time, he’s become more bold, keeping the girls for longer and practically displaying their bodies when he’s... finished.” He practically spit the last few words. 

“Fuck,” Seth murmured, rubbing his hands over his face. Neil bit the inside of his lip and nodded in agreement as Seth’s hands dropped to his lap. “This season is going to be worse than the last...”

Leaning back into the couch, Neil sighed and let go of his lip. He looked to Seth, then to everyone else. “What you heard about my childhood, what you _saw_ and _assumed_ ,” he paused to make sure everyone was listening. “It’s nothing compared to what these girls have had to endure. _I_ got out. _They_ never had the chance.”

“Except for your victim?” Renee asked. “The one that emailed you?”

“Right,” Andrew murmured, tapping away at something on the tablet before looking back up. “Our survivors’ name is Robin Cross. She’s eighteen now and when she was five, she was taken by a man she calls Steven. We don’t believe that’s his real name, but _Steven_ was using her as bait to lure another girl when she was found. By then, she was eleven and finally returned to her family. However, as you can guess, it’s been an uphill battle for her. Regardless, she’s started college this year against her parents wishes.”

 _‘If she’s in school how much will she be able to help?’_ Allison asked and it was a valid question. _‘Shouldn’t she concentrate on that instead of reliving this nightmare?’  
_

Andrew answered before Neil could open his mouth, “She should do what she wants. But that brings me to my next bit of news.” His pause was short as he kept everyone on the edge of their seats. Eventually, Dan raised a brow and started to speak. Andrew barreled on. “When Robin contacted us over the summer, we talked quite a bit. She wanted to go to school, but was afraid of what her parents would say if she got accepted. So she only applied to a few. Because I’m me and we’re us,” Neil looked up at him and ignored the reactions to _‘us’_ , “I offered to help her get into PSU. By that time, it was late in the summer and school was about to start. I tried anyway.”

Dan’s expectant look turned to incredulity as she scoffed, “Yeah, because you have such a good reputation with the administration here.”

“He has a good professional reputation, no matter what he was like in college,” Neil shot back, unable to help himself. “He’s an acclaimed journalist for fucks sake and he’s brought more listeners to TFN than any other podcast, no matter what Kevin says.”

“I heard that!” Kevin’s yelled from the kitchen and Seth huffed a laugh, shaking his head. 

“Hey, calm down for a sec,” Seth said. “I know you wanna protect your mans, but facts are facts.”

Rolling his eyes, Neil opened his mouth to argue again, but Andrew stopped him with a warm hand on his knee. Did they think Neil was just going to sit here and let them ignore what Andrew had done for them?

“It’s so nice to see your concern,” Andrew said, voice syrupy sweet and directed to the rest of the group. He squeezed Neil’s leg once before taking his hand back. “However, I enlisted Saint Wymack to help. Long story short, we got her on an exy-,” he glanced at Neil and the tension in Neil’s shoulders dissipated as a smirk played at the corner of his lips. Andrew rolled his eyes, looked away, and continued. “-scholarship since her family doesn’t have the means to pay for school anyway. As of the end of August, she’s been on campus, living in the dorms, and majoring in social work. For us that means having her close will make interviews easier. But we also understand that she needs to concentrate on school, especially since this is her first time away from home.”

Despite the alleviated tension, Renee still looked concerned. “Go ahead, Walker. Spit it out,” Andrew sighed.

“She’s agreed to all of this?”

_And there it is._

Neil had been waiting for someone to ask, for someone to raise concern. It was almost like they were waiting for Andrew to strong arm things again - to make things go his way on the road to justice... Like they were waiting for him to adopt her as one of them, as a fox, like he’d done with Neil. 

_But that was different._

Different entirely because Andrew learned from his mistakes. They’d discussed this time and time again and he believed Andrew would make the right decisions - after all, he was here to help and although Neil wasn’t exactly the best moral compass, he could most certainly steer Andrew away from doing things the wrong way on his quest to do the right thing.

“She came to _us,_ ” Neil reiterated. “ _We_ were the ones that had to agree.”

 _‘That’s all fine and good, but what are you going to do to protect this girl?’_ Allison asked. _‘Who’s to say if this guy is still out there, he won’t come after her? Or that revealing her identity won’t put her at risk on campus?’_

They’d thought about that too. In fact, it was Andrew’s first concern and because of that, he wanted to tell Allison to fuck right off for even thinking he wouldn’t have made that his paramount concern. 

“I’ve discussed it all with her,” Andrew said so Neil didn’t have to. “But this is _her_ choice. Until Bee, I had choices stolen from me my entire childhood. I would never, _never_ presume to make choices for someone else.” Andrew leaned forward on his knees, clicking the screen of the tablet off. His eyes bore into the phone, as if he were looking straight at Allison and addressing her directly. “She wants to fight for these girls, for herself, and for the other black and brown children who are overlooked every fucking day. And just to remind all of you, she is an adult,” he said with finality. “She can make this decision for herself.”

_‘She’s eighteen. That’s hardly an adu-’_

“She’s an _adult_ ,” Andrew said, just a hair louder. His message was clear: _When you’ve been through what we have, at the age we were, no matter what it was, you grow up real fast. “_ This is _her_ decision and if she changes her mind, we’ll do whatever we can to accommodate that.”

Allison finally went silent and Neil was glad for it. He was proud of Andrew for not only holding his ground (as he knew he would), but for keeping his calm as well. Afterall, Allison didn’t know him like that and Neil could hazard a guess that everyone else in this room didn’t have a full understanding of what Andrew had to endure when he was a child either. Nonetheless they could surmise it wasn’t good and with that, Dan brought them back to the point of the call. 

“So, Allison,” Dan cleared her throat. “What role do you see for yourself here? I assume you still want to be a part of things since you agreed to this call. But, we know you foot the bill for us because of your connection to Neil. What about now?”

Allison remained quiet for a moment longer and ended it with a sigh. _‘Yeah, I had a connection to Neil. But don’t I also have one with these girls? Just as much as you, Dan?’_

Both Dan and Seth shared a look. Seth crossed his arms over his chest as his bright eyes darkened and Dan leaned further on her elbows. Whatever consensus they came to, it was solidified as together Dan and Seth focused back on the phone. Allison couldn’t see all that.

 _‘You’re telling me that you’re going after a man who’s been targeting little black and brown girls - that these children have been overlooked and forgotten after being murdered and fuck knows what?’_ She paused, but no longer than to take a quick breath. _‘This shit happens every goddamn day. I’d say my connection is pretty fuckin’ valid and I’ll support this however I can. Financially and otherwise.’_

“So on that note,” Neil started slowly, suddenly very grateful for the diversity of their team, “we’ll need your help even more this season. All of you. Andrew and I can commiserate all we want, and we can be sympathetic and listen - but we don’t have your point of view. Not really... And part of the research we’re doing here is because it involves underprivileged children of color. If any of you have notes for us on how to handle these things sensitively, let us know. Even if it’s just the phrasing we use or something small, we want you to say something. For a lot of this case we’re going to have to lean on you,” his eyes carried to the entire team, “to make sure we handle this as respectfully as possible.” From the corner of his eye, he saw Andrew nod beside him. 

_‘I think the both of you know if I have a problem, I’ll raise it. I wouldn’t be involved if I didn’t know you and Minyard would use your whiteness for good. Although, I still say you have too much melanin to claim to be a white boy.’_

Neil shrugged even though Allison couldn’t see it. “I’m mixed with something, I’m sure. But I have no idea what that something is. My mother and I didn’t exactly get around to geneology while on the run. The fact of the matter is, if I got pulled over and Seth got pulled over, it would be two very different experiences.”

“Got that fuckin’ right,” Seth mumbled. 

Neil gave Seth a small, sympathetic smile. 

Andrew brought them back to task. “So everyone is clear?” Everyone nodded. “Good. In that case, Robin is going to stop by the studio when she has a break in classes sometime this week. I want her to meet everyone and get comfortable coming here if she feels the need. We can sit down with her then and discuss things a bit further.”

Andrew stood, not waiting for everyone to disperse to their designated spaces and held out a hand to pull Neil with him. “Come on. We’ll have lunch at home. I need a shower anyway.”

* * *

* * *

[ Interlude ]

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Last season we alternated between Audio Notes and Episodes. But, we were so singularly focused on finding Neil, that we didn’t really think of doing much else than that. Since this season is specifically focused on the serious epidemic of America’s missing children of color and finding a man that took from so many, we wanted to take the time to share our resources and promote a few foundations that we strongly believe in. So, instead of doing ad reads like other podcasts -_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_[ Laugh ]_

_Allison’s got us covered on that front._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Yeah, Miss Moneybags -_

_We’re going to do just that._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Since the beginning of this season, there isn’t a moment where we haven’t had the NCMEC’s (National Center of Missing and Exploited Children) website, missingkids.com pulled up in a tab._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_It’s been instrumental in the formatting of this season and further understanding how and why shit like this happens._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_One statistic that really jumped out at us was that in a 2018 study conducted by the NCMEC, there were more than 25,000 cases of missing kids in America. Of those cases, less than 1% were due to non-family abductions._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_That’s just a sample to show you what we’re dealing with. And that’s not getting into the fact that statistically black and brown children go missing at a higher rate than white kids, which we will dive into a bit more in the coming episodes. Additionally, this website has a lot of fantastic information that we couldn’t possibly cover in 90 seconds. So for the sake of saving time, it will be listed in the description of this episode and we strongly implore you all to go look, explore it, take in the general numbers, and understand the magnitude of how difficult this really is._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And without getting into the logistics that come with changing numbers in regards to race -_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Which again well get into in coming episodes -_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Yeah - we firmly believe this is a great resource and it would be a mistake not to include it._

_[ Interlude music fades ]_

* * *

* * *

Andrew took longer than usual in the shower. 

Any other day he might’ve tried convincing Neil to join. 

Not today. 

He needed time to think.

_Because_

When Robin contacted them during the summer, Andrew was immediately invested and _why_ wasn’t a real secret between him and Neil. ~~_Not really._ ~~ Her story struck a nerve and it hit closer to home than he could’ve ever expected. Once he’d confirmed everything she said was legit and that she was real, he fell down the proverbial rabbit hole and tried to find everything he could on her case. Article after article, it took him no time to scrub the internet and begin a study on anything and everything involving Newark’s clear epidemic. 

There was next to nothing to be found. At the time, the most he’d unearthed had been a small article briefly mentioning her disappearance and another blurb from a different publication sensationalizing her sudden rescue. Of course all credit was given to local PD, even though there was absolutely no evidence that they’d done much of anything beyond the first week of her kidnapping. 

~~_They had 6 years. One week was all they could give?_ ~~

The articles had little to no basis besides regurgitating whatever the local 5 o’clock news ran. In fact, it was actually a civilian that had asked Robin where her parents were and held her until the authorities could arrive. 

Of course Andrew wasn’t surprised by any of that. He’d grown up in this faulty system, he knew the bad side to America’s grand tree of corruption and why would this branch be any different?

What _did_ surprise him was the amount of tenacity Robin had. After their preliminary research, both he and Neil talked to her weekly over the phone. Sometimes it wasn’t even about the case and even though at the time Andrew was looking into the other emails they’d been sent ~~_just in case_ ~~ ~~,~~ he knew in the back of his mind that this was going to be it. He still tried his hardest to remain neutral and to set his growing fondness of Robin aside, but if he was honest with himself, he may have not been 100% successful. 

When she’d mentioned that she wanted to go to school but hadn’t been accepted to the two she’d managed to apply to without her parents knowing, Andrew wanted to help. Maybe he did have an issue with overextending himself to try and help every person he could, but this was for someone who he truly believed deserved it. After all, he was a firm believer that education was a fundamental part of societal well being. However, from experience he knew how hard it was to not only be accepted after having a _past,_ but to be able to afford that education as well. College was _at least_ tens of thousands of dollars, and for Aaron and himself if it weren’t for Bee, Abby, and Wymack, they would’ve never been able to get in. Even still, the two of them had student loans out the ass that they would no doubt be paying for the foreseeable future. He didn’t even want to know how much Aaron had to borrow for medical school.

So, he enlisted Wymack again and played on his utter and unadmitted weakness for sob stories. With his help, they appealed to the administration, presented Robin’s story (with her permission), and convinced them it would be a fucking PR dream to give her a full scholarship - to make her life easier than it had been. 

Flashback to now, Andrew scrubbed his hands over his face and ran them through his hair, letting the warm water ease some of the tension that was building with his habit of overthinking. He’d been trying so hard to stay in the moment with this case. It wasn’t hard to slip back into old trauma. 

He had his own _Steven_ , after all. 

Which he hadn’t told Neil about yet. 

_His_ Steven was his foster father when he was seven years old. Andrew had been trying so hard to keep him shoved behind the wall he’d painstakingly used to try to keep all his own _monsters_ away. But more and more, his face had been seeping out, leaking to the forefront and smirking whenever Andrew let his guard down and -

He turned the water as hot as it would go as Bee began to hum in his ear.

_Welcome back..._

She’d been quiet for so long. He assumed with Neil he had no use for her _buzz_. Neil kept him grounded, kept him from floating away or sinking into the darkness. For the first time in a long time he felt like he could breathe, but that had been getting harder and harder as - 

No. He wouldn’t let himself go there. The water turned his skin pink and only after he felt like he’d had enough did Andrew cut the pipes, get out, and roughly towel off. Dressing quickly in comfortable jeans and an oversized hoodie, he pulled the sleeves over his hands, picked up King, and made his way out of the bedroom to the kitchen. 

Neil stood at the stove cooking something. Andrew’s skin felt overheated from the shower but everything, for a moment, felt _okay_ as Neil turned at the sound of Andrew’s feet. Wielding a spatula, he pointed it accusingly in Andrew’s direction. “Was this your plan to get out of buying me lunch?”

“Can’t fool you,” Andrew muttered, coming around the counter to see what was in the pan. Neil kissed his temple once he was beside him and studied his profile. 

“You okay?”

Andrew just nodded. He didn’t know how Neil did it, but he could always pick up the slightest change in Andrew’s mood. He’d thought he had a freakishly good poker face, but it was like Neil was immune. He let Andrew work out his own shit until he was ready to talk and Andrew was only just becoming comfortable with how _right_ that felt. 

“Okay,” Neil nodded and bumped his hip into Andrew’s. “Grilled cheese and tater tots because I’m an incredible chef. Get ready for your mind to be fucking _blown._ ”

Andrew snorted and sat at the counter while still hugging King to his chest as Neil finished and made plates for them. He put Andrew’s in front of him and stood opposite, elbows leaning on the laminate. 

“So, when’s Robin coming to the studio?” Neil took a bite of grilled cheese and chewed slowly, eyes on his face. 

Andrew started ripping his sandwich into tiny pieces, feeling the melted cheese stick to his skin. “Later this week, maybe the next? I don’t know.” He shrugged a shoulder and pressed his index finger to his thumb. Rubbing them together, he watched as a tiny ball of cheese and crumbs formed. “I’ve only seen her once since she’s been on campus and I don’t want to push her or make her feel pressured. I want her to get into the swing of school before this is piled on top.”

Fall semester had started a few weeks ago and Robin seemed to be getting along okay. Her schedule was packed with classes she’d claimed she would’ve never been able to take before and practices that have left her exhausted but happy. Her first game was last week and together, Neil, Andrew, Kevin, and Wymack went to watch. 

Outside of her workload, he talked to Robin on the regular, but always let her come to him. Usually it was for advice on school, which he was fine with. He told her that she could call any time and he was glad to help. With all that being said, he didn’t want her to feel like talking to him or coming to him was an obligation since he helped her get into PSU. 

Neil nodded, “Makes sense. How’s she doing so far?”

Andrew popped a tiny piece of grilled cheese in his mouth, thinking over his answer before speaking, “Okay, I think. All things considered.”

“All what things?” Neil opened one of the cabinets and got out two glasses, before filling them with water. He handed Andrew one before taking a sip from the other. 

“Well,” Andrew started, staring at the water licking the edge of the glass as he set it on the countertop. “She’s never really been around kids her own age.” Neil already knew some of this, but he let Andrew talk anyway. He was grateful - grateful for Neil letting him talk, if only just to get him out of his own head. “She was homeschooled after she was found and reasonably behind as a result.” He flinched at his own wording, but Neil didn’t comment on it. He was grateful for that, too. “Her dad stayed home with her while her mom worked. They caught her up to where she needed to be, but she still struggles with math and science. I worry a bit about her being in college level courses. How different it’ll be.”

“Sink or swim,” Neil said, mouth half full and shrugging. 

“Your compassion is why I keep you around.”

Neil snorted and swallowed. “I didn’t mean to sound harsh, but it’s true. She’ll either do it or she won’t and personally? I think she will. She’s survived this far and people like us don’t fucking give up that easily. She’s so fucking _determined_ . That was the main thing I thought when we talked to her for the first time. I was like, _‘this girl is fucking furious and she’s going to make things happen’._ ”

Andrew nodded in agreement. _They_ used to say that about him, once upon a time - when he was making journalistic waves and raising his middle finger to the establishment.

Perhaps that was part of what made Robin so interesting. 

All of his work, all the research and effort to dig-so-deep the elite would bleed - it all had to do with him and it _didn’t_ . His past pieces had to do with foster care and the downtrodden, sure, but he didn’t really put his own life out there until Red Rabbits. Of course, Drake’s trial could be seen as that, but it wasn’t _really_ . Speaking up and writing that statement was more trying to do right by the other children, than right by himself. Bee thought it would give him some degree of closure and he supposed it did to an extent. But that wasn’t his motivation. That wasn’t how he coped. Andrew _fucking_ Minyard was self destructive. He hated the world and as a result, dealt with trauma by shutting off and dragging as many people down with him as he possibly fucking could. 

But Robin? 

She was the opposite. 

She was angry, sure. But she was using that anger as a guide - as fuel for a moment to bring justice for the other girls who _Steven_ had abused and tossed away like they were _nothing_. 

She was a force. 

And he was _proud_ of her for it. 

Andrew finally bit into the shreds of his sandwich and began to eat.

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Over the past few weeks we’ve been posting vague information on Season 2 - The Case of the Newark 9. Unfortunately, we haven’t really gone into detail of what exactly the Newark 9 is and we know it isn’t exactly the easiest thing to look up._

_However, before we begin we want to say that this entire thing ended up taking a different turn than we initially thought. I originally envisioned looking for a child the way I looked for Neil. However, when we received the email to look into this, it wasn’t something we could turn away._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Instead of looking for one child, we’re looking for one man - a kidnapper, rapist, and murderer, who’s had a string of victims in and around the Newark, New Jersey area._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Nine victims that we now know of and probably more that we don’t. All of which have been children, between the ages of five and nine, with similar characteristics that are hard to ignore._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Minority girls from underprivileged backgrounds._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And after our research, choosing minority girls appears to be part of a calculated plan that our perpetrator - who we will be calling Steven, which we believe is not his real name - developed over the span of his crimes._

_Or at least, we believe choosing minority girls has worked in his favor, and honestly only too well when we see America’s history of racism and cataclysmic events that have spearheaded that racism over the last few decades._

_But for now, let’s start at the beginning._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Most men like Steven don’t wake up one day and choose to kidnap, rape, or kill. In our most humble opinion, we don’t believe he’s owed the title of ‘human’. But the fact of the matter is, the worst monsters are. Humans can be a thing of nightmares and the scariest are those that look like us - that are flesh and blood, and that's how Steven’s been flying under the radar for upwards of 20 years._

_So right now, we need to stop the notion that men like him are boogeymen in the night. They’re not. They walk amongst us every single day and Steven? He’s no different than others like him. He falls under the same psychological process that most similar monsters do and_ **_that_ ** _is how we’ll find him._

_With that being said, in planning for this part of the episode, Andrew and I were originally going to use my father as comparison. But he was a different type of killer. He brutally murdered dozens of people. But he - and I know exactly how this sounds - was motivated by money. He was motivated by his own sick selfishness, ego, and toxic masculinity that morphed into what he believed was godliness. It’s the type of ego that allows him to raise a knife to his own wife and son - to track us down by any means necessary._

_But Nathan was a different breed. I am in_ **_no way_ ** _defending my father, but he didn’t rape and murder children.* Steven is something else and the only way that we feel like we can explain his psychological process, is to compare him to a man that had finally been caught just a year ago._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_This is purely for your own understanding as the listener. Making direct, baseless assumptions on Steven’s motivations is not only careless, but it’s dangerous._

_Because of that, we’ll be referring to serial rapist and eventual killer, Joseph James DeAngelo Jr, throughout this season. And if you’ve listened to Season 1, then you all know that I refused to call Nathan Wesninski, “The Butcher”. We’ll be doing the same here._

_With that being said, if Joseph James DeAngelo Jr doesn’t ring a bell, then “The Visalia Ransacker”, “The Original Night Stalker”, or “The Golden State Killer” should._

_That’s because after a pattern of assault and violence that started in the 1974, then rapidly escalated to murder along the coast of California, until his reign of terror eventually ended in 1986 - he was only just arrested on April 24, 2018._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_He went unknown,_ **_free_ ** _for 44 years. How does that happen? How can law enforcement fail so miserably to let a man that ruined dozens of lives and terrorized_ **_thousands_ ** _for so long, fly_ **_that_ ** _under the radar?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_For the most part, he was forgotten by America, just like most men like him are in our rapid cycle of media and intrigue. He wasn’t deemed relevant anymore and he would’ve remained that way if it weren’t for the late crime writer and bestselling author of_ **_The Golden State Killer_ ** _, Michelle McNamara - who actually coined that name._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Our point of all this is to draw similarities. Here we have a man who committed heinous crimes for an extended period of time, with law enforcement that couldn’t get the job done without the help of a writer who refused to let people forget. We have a case with points where DeAngelo could’ve been stopped, so long as people spared a moment to look - where he had the same modus operandi for each victim. And most importantly, we have a case that outlines_ **_clear_ ** _escalation, which can help us follow the crimes of our own killer, and maybe find him, too._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And what do we mean by escalation? We mean his crimes grew from victim to victim. He became more bold, more daring. DeAngelo went from burgeling homes, to stalking women, to raping them, to murdering them. And so, the “Visalia Ransacker” became “The Original Night Stalker” and eventually morphed into “The Golden State Killer”._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_It’s one thing that leads to the next and then something even bigger than that. A vicious cycle that will never end until they’re stopped._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And we tell you all of this to stress one thing - although we’ve connected nine victims to Steven, there is a strong probability that they stretch much wider than what we can connect just here. Which is why we’re going to need your help._

_By the end of this episode if Steven fits the description of anyone you know - if something happened to you or you know of someone in or around the Newark area any time pre or post 1994 that fits his MO, you can email us at_ [ _foxholenetwork@gmail.com_ ](mailto:foxholenetwork@gmail.com) _._

* * *

* * *

Robin came the following Friday. Andrew wanted to make sure it was at a time when she wouldn’t have to stress about homework, or getting to her next class, or practice. This time, the entire team was present including Allison, who’d flown in just for this. Honestly, Andrew threatened them all with as much menace as he could muster, just to make sure they didn’t overwhelm her or do something that he knew would make her feel uncomfortable. Afterall, he wanted her to feel supported, not like she was a novelty. 

Of course, he really didn’t have to worry. 

Robin walked in with a messenger bag over her shoulder, looking comfortable in jeans and a tank top. Seth was immediately enamored. Andrew guessed it had to do with the fact that the two of them had similar features. Robin was mixed with light brown skin and hard blue-green eyes. Her curly hair was piled atop her head in a bun, with stray curls hanging loose around her face. Additionally, she was small - the same height as Andrew when he wasn’t wearing boots. 

Upon her entrance, Seth took one of her hands in both of his and leaned down just a bit to talk to her. “Welcome to TFN,” he told her, big and bright patented _Seth_ smile on his lips. “I’m Seth, but you can call me Seth-”

Robin blinked and stared at him, eyes wide. Andrew made his way over as quickly as he could to try and save her. Honestly, he was worried Seth was going to try and hug her, and he didn’t know how she’d react to that - didn’t want to risk finding out for her own sake. 

“Thanks...?” She replied, then leaned around to look past Seth and visibly relaxed when she saw Andrew. He waved her further into the studio. 

“Excuse him,” Andrew said. “He’s a little excitable.”

Robin gave him a small smile, but otherwise didn’t comment. Seth had disappeared for a moment as they walked into the lounge. Andrew stuck his head into Renee and Dan’s offices on the way to let them know Robin was here. Neil was already waiting on their normal couch, Andrew’s tablet on his lap. 

“Hey Robin,” he greeted with a small smile. Robin smiled back. 

“Hey, Neil. Sorry I’m a little late.” She turned her eyes back to Andrew and shrugged apologetically. “I had to ask my teacher some questions after my last class.” She set her bag down near the couch and lowered herself to sit while Andrew waved a hand to dismiss her apology. 

“School comes first. Don’t apologize for that. But do let me know if you need help in any of your classes. I can’t promise II’ll be of any assistance, but I’ll find someone who can.” 

Footsteps came from opposite ends of the lounge, alerting them to the arrival of the rest of the team. Renee and Allison walked together, looking as in and out of place as possible as Renee dropped to the couch and Allison lowered herself as if she were fragile. ~~Ha. Allison. Fragile.~~ Dan came only a second later, throwing her braids over her shoulder and giving Robin an automatic, warm smile as she set her customary yellow pad and laptop on the center table. That smile was once again reflected on Seth’s face as he hopped over the end of his usual spot and bounced down on the cushions. 

Andrew weighed everyone with a look, giving them a silent warning to not scare Robin off too soon. “Right. Everyone, this is Robin Cross. Robin, this is the team.” He gestured around, finally sitting down himself. He waited for her to get comfortable before he introduced everyone with their names and their jobs on the podcast. Robin nodded to everyone and offered a small wave. She only looked a bit overwhelmed, which was better than he expected. Afterall, he only knew too well how hard it sometimes was to meet new people. For her, he suspected that might be multiplied by ten, and understandably so. 

In return, everyone welcomed her with open arms. Andrew noted their concerted effort to try and not overwhelm her. He was glad, knowing that while Wymack was the one who collected strays, the rest of the team couldn’t resist being drawn to people who’ve seen suffering. Like calls to like. Everyone adjusted their normal behavior appropriately. Even Allison, who hadn’t been around them regularly, followed everyone’s lead. 

She kept her hands to herself and smiled warmly at Robin. “Welcome to TFN, babygirl.” She glanced around to the rest of the members. “We’re all a bit of a mess here.”

Robin laughed and relaxed a fraction. “Well, that’s lucky.”

With introductions out of the way, Neil finally handed him his tablet and Andrew took a moment to look over some of the points he wanted to cover before beginning. However, he’d just opened his mouth to speak when one of the interns sauntered in and took a seat beside Seth. Seth leaned back and tucked his chin, lip curled in indignation.

Jack Ward was a fucking Chad. He was _that_ guy. Whenever he walked into a room, it was always with a mild air of aggression and the cloying scent of Axe body spray. Andrew knew he must have some sob story that pulled at Wymack’s heart strings in order to get a spot _here_ , but he also didn’t fucking care. Jack was an ass that thrived on Whiteclaws and thinly veiled homophobic insults. He was also severely punchable and had been getting on Neil’s last nerve. 

“Boy-” Seth blurted. “If you don’t get the fuck off this couch -”

“You’ll what?” Jack sneered. 

“He won’t have to do anything,” Andrew said, wrapping himself in a serene calm. “I’ll take care of you myself and that would make Renee very cross with me. Remove yourself so I don’t have to bear her disappointment.”

Jack’s face screwed up and he rolled his eyes. “This is bullshit,” he mumbled. “I’m supposed to be learning this business, aren’t I? I can’t fucking learn anything if I don’t see how it works.”

Beside him, Andrew could feel Robin tense. “You’ll learn when you stop being an antagonistic asshole. For now, go get me a coffee. I’ve told you how I take it and if you don’t remember, do us all a favor and prove your uselessness.” Andrew flicked his fingers at him like royalty dismissing a peasant and _sure_ , maybe that wasn’t the best way to handle this, but Andrew wasn’t exactly a diplomat. 

Jack scowled and left, stomping toward Wymack’s office. A door slammed and Andrew took a deep breath, glancing at Robin to see if she was okay. Only when he saw her shoulders relax, did he continue. “Where were we?”

“When did you tell him how you take your coffee?” Neil asked. 

“I didn’t. Now, Robin,” Andrew redirected and angled his body so he could see her face clearly. “We wanted to have you here to walk us through exactly what you want and what you’re comfortable with. We appreciate you volunteering to help.”

Robin didn’t hesitate. Her demeanor morphed from something shy and a little unsure, to engaged - determined. When she spoke her voice was firm and strong. “I’ll help however I can,” she said as if Jack were never there. “I’ve been trying to get someone to listen to me for years. I don’t know how much all of you know, but no one would.... No one but my parents cared when I went missing and no one but them cared that I was found. No one came to me to ask what I knew and no one interviewed me to try and get details.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Dan exclaimed, outrage plain on her face. “They had a direct witness and no one bothered to try and get anything on this guy?”

“No,” Robin said, almost matter of factly. Her anger was simmered low and her words were edged with it, but she held herself with an amount of grace that Andrew could only achieve by shoving _everything_ down. “And they refuse to link these other missing girls to him, even though a few he actually told me about. At the time I didn’t know if he was telling the truth but I cross referenced everything these past few years and -” She just nodded as she inhaled a deep breath. She looked to every fox in the room, then down at her hands between her knees as she played with a ring around her finger. “He called them by name and told me the same would happen to _me_ if I didn’t do what he wanted.”

Renee pressed her fingers to her mouth and closed her eyes. Andrew ground his teeth and felt Neil’s thigh press against his. It steadied him, tethered him to the present and he was grateful. 

The fact that Robin could even talk about what happened with the sort of determined calm she displayed surprised even Andrew. He would not, _could not_ talk about his trauma in the same way, and he hadn’t been through what Robin had. 

Neil leaned forward to see her better and spoke so Andrew didn’t have to. “So, I think the whole team can agree that what you had to go through - even after you were found - is some of the most disgusting bullshit we’ve heard here. I know first hand how negligent the justice system can be when looking for missing children. But for me, there was a reason. For you, it’s something else entirely.” There were murmurs of agreement around the room. “I’m sorry no one has been willing to listen, but we _are_. We want to work with whatever information you have, but we also want to hear whatever you have to say regarding everything else. The investigation, the way law enforcement treated you, all of it.”

“We want this process to be as painless for you as possible,” Renee chimed in, hand holding Allison’s in her lap. “We’ll be here if you need anything. No matter if it’s regarding the podcast, the case, or otherwise.”

Robin’s smile was small and her eyes softened. “Thank you... It means a lot coming from you guys. Especially you, Neil,” she looked to him. “I know from listening to last season what you had to go through. I know our situations are different, but I feel like we were both abandoned by the system.”

“We were,” Neil nodded and Andrew felt his eyes fall on him, before they left. “That’s why we’re going to figure this shit out together.”

Andrew’s thumb twitched to crack his pinky. Instead, he flicked his ipad back on and piped up again. “So, here’s what we’ve been thinking and I’ve discussed a bit of this with the team, but I want your input. Don’t be afraid to tell us what makes you uncomfortable, okay?”

“Okay.”

_Right._

“We investigate Steven. We try to find him and hopefully, if he currently has a child, help bring her home. I would really like for you to be at the forefront of this. That means, we would record interviews with you, but we can concentrate on before and after you were taken. We _will not_ ask you to detail your time with him or what that entailed. If you want to share, that’s fine. But, we’ll never ask you to relieve your experience for the sake of the fucking show. Which brings me to my last question. How involved do _you_ want to be? We can keep your identity under wraps or we can let people know who you are - how you’re helping.”

Robin was quiet for a moment and everyone waited for her to gather her thoughts with bated breath. When she was ready, her eyes were hard and her hands clenched into fists where they rested atop her thighs. 

“I want to be heard,” she started firmly. “I don’t want them to be able to ignore me anymore. I want them to have a look at my face and know that they abandoned me, just like they abandoned every other girl he took. We’re all black or brown. We’re all ‘underprivileged’,” she air quoted. “We’re the forgotten because to _them_ we don’t matter. I want to help and I want to do it loudly. For myself _and_ for them.”

_For myself and for them._

And that was one of the fundamental differences between her and Andrew. It was always for _them_. Never for him.

He wasn’t proud of it. 

Seth clapped his hands and pumped a fist. “Robin, you are my fuckin’ hero. We can do this. We can make you the face of this. I’m in the process of redesigning the website right now and I can already see it so clearly in my head... How do you feel about your picture being up? You being a... symbol of sorts?” His knee bounced up and down, and he rubbed at his chin with one hand. Andrew knew his mind was working a mile a minute, putting everything together in his head like pieces to a puzzle. Seth was a creative whirlwind when he got an itch and Andrew had to admit that he was excited with the prospects. Nonetheless, Seth also tended to speak before he really thought things through, and though putting up her face sounded great as an icon for others, it brought up a few questions. Andrew kept them to himself for a second and looked to Robin to gauge her reaction. 

“If that’s what you guys want to do, I’m down. I mean, this is less about me than it is about them. However, if having a face helps garner attention and sympathy for those who are still missing, then I’ll do whatever you think is best. I trust you.”

_How does she do it?_

“While that’s a good idea,” Allison said, leg crossed over and expensive shoes reflecting the lights above, “We have to be smart. Putting her face up can be dangerous. So it’s a matter of weighing the risks and whether or not we’re willing to take them.” Andrew felt himself nodding. She said it before he could and the fact of the matter was, he didn’t want to take unnecessary risks - especially when they could be so detrimental. 

Seth’s mouth opened to explain, but Neil spoke before he could.

“We did the same thing with me. Besides what you all did to me during Season One,” he looked pointedly to everyone in the room, ending on Andrew. They’d spoken about it far too many times for it to have any real heat, but he did raise a good point... “Andrew and I talked about the consequences of keeping myself hidden when we were running. It’s why we recorded everything. For us, revealing my identity and exposing the fact that Andrew had found me acted as a security blanket. If either of us ended up disappearing, then people would notice our absence and know where to look.” He leaned towards Andrew until their shoulders pressed together. “Hiding would’ve worked against, not for us - even with danger hanging above our heads.”

Allison shook her head. “While that’s all true Neil, this isn’t really the same thing. I want to make sure she feels safe and -”

“Will safe get us where we need to go?” Everyone in the room turned to look at Robin. Her head was tilted, shoulders slumped but eyes hard and unreadable. “Safe is all I’ve played for years. Safe is what allows him to keep doing what he’s doing. In all honesty,” She pulled at the hem of her shirt, but kept her head held high, “I’m sick of playing it safe. Am I scared? Yes. I’m terrified.” She inhaled a deep breath and Andrew bit his tongue so as to not interrupt. “People are going to know my name anyway, playing with the Foxes. I’m going to be televised with the team. I may as well take advantage of it while I can.”

“So long as Coach Warren agrees that she can be public about this, she does have a point,” Dan added. 

They’d already talked to PSU’s board when they were trying to get her a scholarship. Publicity and a good name were almost a package deal with her situation. “They’ll agree to it,” Andrew spoke up. “And if this is something you want to do,” he addressed Robin, “then let’s do it. It may help us get more tips and push Newark officials to pay attention if we start ripping them apart.”

Allison still looked like she wanted to say something, but stayed quiet as Renee squeezed her hand and Robin nodded firmly. 

“Okay, with all that being said, we need to make sure we handle this properly, with all the sensitivity it deserves. Everything we do we will run by you first, Robin. Whatever you don’t like, we’ll nix. Right?” It was a rhetorical question, but the entire team echoed in agreement. 

“Can we take a picture of you?” Seth asked, this time a bit quieter. “It doesn’t have to be anything professional or fancy. I’ll edit it. But if I could have one of you looking straight and another to the side, I think I can make something really fucking emotive.”

“Sure, if that’s what you need.”

“Fucking perfect,” Seth whispered, rubbing his palms on his jeans as excited light worked its way back into his eyes. “I’ll just need you in the soundbooth then, whenever you’re available. It’s dark in there and the lighting is perfect. I’ll have Andrew give you my number and Allison? If you want to come and help?” He inquired and it was a good thing he did. This was one of those moments when Andrew was so pleasantly surprised with Seth, he wondered how that other person ever existed all those years ago. He was asking Allison to join them in the booth so Robin would feel more comfortable, and Andrew couldn’t help the nod of approval he gave Seth when he caught his eye.

Allison seemed to notice too as she raised an impressed brow and agreed. 

“Sounds great. So, I think you all know but I’m on the Exy team. I’ll send you the schedule, just in case there’s a time you need me and I’m not available.” 

“Alright. We’re going to go ahead and start building on the preliminary research we’ve done and we’ll contact you when we’re ready to start putting pieces together. Does that sound okay?” Andrew asked. 

“Yeah, that’s great. I have research, too, that I can share. I’m sure you guys can put everything together better than I have.” She smiled a small, self-deprecating smile. “Thank you for taking this on, by the way. I was sure I wouldn’t even get a response, since I knew you probably had a hundred cases to choose from. But even if we don’t find him, I’m grateful - for all of you. I’m glad that people will finally know what’s been happening this whole time.”

“Me, too,” Andrew responded honestly. “We’ll make sure your story is heard and we’ll set up another meeting soon to compare notes. For now, just worry about school and though it pains me to say it, exy, too. This is secondary. I mean it.” Robin nodded and stood with her bag slung over her shoulder. 

Everyone else followed suit, like Robin had given them some sort of signal. They took turns shaking her hand, lending kind words and votes of confidence. Seth hung around and placed a hand to her shoulder, squeezing softly. He said something too quiet for Andrew to hear, but Robin nodded and he thought her shoulders may have relaxed, just a little. 

Andrew and Neil were last. 

“Thank you again for all of this. I’m...” She swallowed and briefly looked around the room, avoiding eye contact. It was a stark difference from the fierceness she displayed when discussing the injustice they were trying to uncover. “I’m not great with people. I don’t know how it’ll be to interview me, but I’m trying. In fact, I see a counselor on campus once a week and she’s helping, so...”

“Good,” Andrew said, adding a bit of force behind her words so she knew that it was _okay_. “I’m glad you feel comfortable getting help. Use the tools she gives you, okay? They’ll sound ridiculous and you’ll feel stupid using them, but trust me. They work.” 

_That’s an understatement._

Robin gave him a small smile and Andrew felt his lips curling to give one back. It was a novelty, he thought - having someone here that was smaller than him. ~~Nevermind that he had his boots on.~~ “I will. Call me if you need me.”

“We will,” Neil said. 

When Robin left, Seth leaned his shoulder on the door frame to the sound booth and crossed his arms over his chest. “That girl is the bravest person I’ve ever fucking met.”

“Thank you for not hugging her,” Andrew said, because he’d been ready to jump in and intervene if Seth had tried. “And for asking if Allison would be there when you take her picture.” 

“It was a close thing, the hugging,” Seth sighed, shaking his head and turning back into the booth. “I figured she don’t know me like that. And I don’t know her trauma.”

That was the most aware and mature thing Andrew had ever heard come out of Seth’s mouth. 

Neil pulled Andrew back down onto the couch and Dan, with all of her things gathered and held to her chest, studied them for a moment. 

“You picked the right one,” she said, looking between the two of them. “We’re going to make something happen here.” 

Andrew just nodded. “I know.”

* * *

* * *

[ Interlude ]

-

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_It’s time to talk about the 9 victims - 3 of which we would not have known about if it weren’t for the help of Robin Cross, Number 8, and to the best of our knowledge, Steven’s sole survivor. Some of you may recognize that name if you follow us on our website, but Robin not only brought these girls to our attention, she also confirmed the 6 we already had and she’s the entire reason why we chose this case to begin with._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_She’s the one that sent the email and with her help, we were able to link the kidnappings and murders of these girls to the same person. And although she had already made it her mission to get justice for herself and these girls for the past few years, no one would hear her out._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Law enforcement claimed not to have the time, but they simply didn’t fucking care - not even after Steven’s last victim, Number 9, washed up on the shore of the Passiac River in Newark just this past summer. Robin didn’t try the police again. She came to us and in the past few months, we’ve incorporated her into our team._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Along with Robin, we want to make sure these girls are remembered and because of that, something we really wanted to do was talk to each of the families._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Essentially, we wanted to get their blessing. We wanted to know who these girls were and we want_ **_you_ ** _, the listener, to know them, too. So, we felt it was necessary to not only get their families blessings, but to learn how_ **_they_ ** _wanted their children to be remembered._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_So, here’s what we have - here’s our timeline._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_The first victim we can link to Steven was eight year old Alyssa Harris. While playing with friends near her home in Forest Hill located the North Ward of Newark, she went missing on September 4, 1994. No one saw her leave. It was almost as if she vanished into thin air._

_The only person who seemed out of place that day, according to the statements from Alyssa’s friends, was a man described as tall and wearing a navy blue Yankees cap._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Which is no help, whatsoever. How many guys do you know walk around New Jersey in a Yankees hat._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_[ noise of approval ]_

_Police only started looking for a suspect two days before Alyssa’s body was discovered in a wooded area near the Passaic River. However, with little to nothing to go on, they declared the case cold within two weeks._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_This is the earliest murder we could connect to Steven, but as we said before, we don’t think this is his first crime._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Without too much conjecture, he probably assaulted dozens of children prior to this, perhaps when he was a child himself. We don’t know._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_What we_ **_do_ ** _know, is that based on the state of decomposition of Alyssa’s body, he most likely only kept her for about a week. Andrew and I have speculated that this, for lack of a better way of saying it, was him getting his feet wet - toeing that line between what he’d most likely been doing and what he would soon lead up to. In this instance, however, we think he panicked. He had an eight year old in his custody and from all accounts from her mother and family, she was smart as a whip and clever as a cat. They believe that scared him and as a result, he panicked._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Alyssa Harris’s birthday was October 2nd. She wanted to be an artist when she grew up and at the Newark Public Library her art had been on display more than once. It still is to this day._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_His next victim followed much of the same pattern. Tamika Brown was a seven year old Newark native and was kidnapped while on a school field trip to the Bronx Zoo on January 14, 1995. Again, no one saw her leave - no one saw her talking to anyone. The only thing anyone saw was a man in a Yankees cap who’d been near the group several times throughout the day._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Which again, this is the Bronx, 1995. Yankee Stadium, prior to their move, was only a few miles away. This is absolutely nothing to go on._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Right. And by the time anyone realized she was gone, it’d been hours._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_We said this followed the same pattern. Steven appeared to have learned nothing, so Tamika was found a week later, just like Alyssa._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Together with Robin, we’ve speculated that these girls were old enough to understand what was going on. According to their families, both were smart and aware. In Tamika’s case, her mother told us Alyssa had been in the papers and after her murder, she talked to Tamika about safety around strangers. Because of this and various medical reports, we think Tamika fought the entire way through. We also think Steven panicked again. Maybe he saw reports of them missing and lost his nerve. Maybe he just didn’t feel a need to keep them like he did later girls. We don’t know for sure, but we do know he was still getting his bearings._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_The police actually conducted an interview with a person of interest that was still at the zoo, in addition to Tamika’s mother -_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_[ sarcasm ]_

_Because of course blaming the mother for her child's disappearance when she’s a single parent and had a reliable alibi at the time, makes perfect sense._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_The person in question was still on the scene when they arrived to take the report. However, I question whether they thought this man, who didn’t match any of the rudimentary descriptions of the supposed suspect, really had anything to do with it at all. My guess is that they were feeling the pressure after Alyssa’s disappearance and wanted to look like they were doing something._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Which probably hurt the investigation more than anything._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Absolutely. And they didn’t bother looking beyond that. Tamika’s mother and the one person of interest were ultimately cleared. There was talk of course, wondering if the two cases were related. Afterall, Tamika was found in the same area of the woods, and she was kidnapped and killed in the same way. However, the police denied their relation-_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Because they’re fucking idiots._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Because they’re fucking idiots._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Not to mention, it would probably cause a panic in the area. Too many questions = too much work._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Exactly. So beyond that, nothing else was done._

_Tamika Brown was 7 years old when she was killed. Her birthday was November 8th. She loved playing with her two younger siblings and her favorite color was blue._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Her case leads us to believe that Steven was aware that if he kept taking girls from the same area, there was a higher chance of getting caught. With that in mind, he began to branch out._

* * *

* * *

A week later, Neil sat on the floor of his office at TFN, attempting to put together a cat tree while Andrew ‘supervised’ from the overstuffed chair they’d managed to procure. Neil thought it’d been a good purchase, but he now suspected Andrew picked it for his own lounging purposes. 

“You’re doing that wrong,” he said from his throne, pulling a blow pop out of his mouth to point it at the pieces lying around Neil. 

“You could help me, you know. But it’s fine, it’s fine. I know how expending any sort of energy exhausts you so thoroughly,” Neil grumbled, picking up an oblong part that looked just like every fucking other one. 

“Glad you understand.” He popped the lollipop back in his mouth and continued his scrolling through his phone. Neil watched with some small fascination as his lips wrapped around the swell of the lollipop, his tongue darting out to lick at it when he pulled it back out with a _pop_ and -

~~_Head out of the gutter, Josten._ ~~

“Someone asked me if I have piercings _‘anywhere else’_. I know you’re talking about my dick, anon. Just say it, you coward.”

Neil dropped the piece he was holding and quickly pulled back his chin. He felt his eyes widen and flinched internally, “What...? Are you - people get their dicks pierced...?”

Andrew raised a brow and smirked. He typed something into his phone and turned it around a minute later for Neil to see. 

“Holy shit,” he breathed, snatching the phone to inspect it. “This isn’t real, is it? Oh my god - no... Ouch my dick hurts just looking at this...”

Andrew huffed a laugh. “You sure? I can call the parlor and switch it from your nose to your dick, no problem.”

_Right. The parlor._

It had started as a joke, really. Andrew made an offhand comment when they were in the middle of a situation involving hot breaths and hot hands and apparently, aesthetic observations. 

_‘You’d look so good with your nose pierced.’_

Neil had just laughed breathlessly at the time, but when Andrew mentioned it again, away from the influence of the endorphin rush of physical contact, Neil had given it some thought. He’d never really cared about his appearance beyond blending in. He still didn’t too much. But with Allison’s influence and with the way Andrew’s eyes raked over his body like a touch when he wore those jeans that hugged his hips a little too tight or that shirt that Allison said matched his eyes...well. Neil had given his _look_ a bit more thought. Andrew was an expert on piercings after all. Who was he to argue? 

He’d told Andrew he’d get his nose pierced if Andrew got his nipples pierced and Andrew barely sucked in enough breath to say _‘yes_ ’, before agreeing immediately.

But a nose and a dick are two very different fucking things. 

“Yeah, no thanks. That seems... unsanitary,” he mumbled, handing the phone back. 

Andrew raised a brow. “I guess that depends on where you’re sticking your dick and how you clean it. I imagine once it heals, you can stick it in all kinds of places,” he shrugged and went back to scrolling through his phone. Neil felt his face heat, his mind immediately supplying images of Andrew sticking _things_ into _places_. 

They hadn’t had a talk about penetrative sex yet. He knew Andrew needed to take things at his own pace and he was fine with that. Afterall, Neil was new to this. The first handjob Andrew had given him had been like a fucking revelation and turns out? Masturbation can be pretty cool when someone else that you’re attracted to is doing the hard work for you. 

Still.

He was curious. 

It was true that he didn’t know much about how these things worked, but the more he and Andrew did together, the more Neil wanted to try. They’d gotten ridiculous and intrusive questions about who tops and who bottoms, and while Neil understood what that meant in the vaguest sense, he didn’t know that he could really answer it for _himself_. 

Everything was just so new and so amazing and more and more he felt like he just wanted to fucking _drown_ in Andrew. It was a hard thing to explain, especially when he’d never felt anything close to it before. Suddenly, he wanted to share everything he could with this man. He wanted to make himself open and vulnerable because he _wanted it_ and Andrew deserved his trust. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Andrew sighed and Neil hadn’t realized how much he’d zoned out. Snapping back into focus, he blinked down at the screwdriver in his hand, and bit the inside of his lip. “I can hear you thinking from here. Spit it out.”

Setting it down slowly he looked up at Andrew seriously, though not really meaning to. Andrew’s annoyed mask faltered into something else - something softer - and he put his phone aside to sit across from Neil on the floor. “What? Is this about getting your nose pierced? Because I stand by the fact that it would look hot, but you know I would never make you.”

Neil shook his head. “No, no. It’s not that. I’m just... thinking.”

“About?”

_Okay, okay, okay_

“Sex.”

Andrew’s expression grew serious. He leaned back on his hands and cocked his head. “What about sex?”

Neil let out a breath and bit the inside of his lip. He looked down at the pieces strewn about, trying to think of the best way to put this without sounding like an insensitive idiot. 

“I guess...” he started, closing his eyes for a moment. He lifted his head and opened them. “I’m just thinking that we can try... some time. If you want -” he added quickly. “I know I don’t have much experience with any of this and I’m totally fine with what we’ve been doing. I guess I just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted to... I mean, I don’t know if you’ve...”

_Is the AC broken? Did Palmetto fall into the hellmouth when I wasn’t paying attention?_

Neil could feel sweat gathering at the back of his neck. He waited for Andrew’s reaction, but it was slow coming and Neil picked the screwdriver back up with a sigh, just for something to do. 

Andrew sat up straighter and looked Neil in the eyes. “I’m going to lay this out as straightforward as I can, because while the thought of it gets me half hard on it’s own, it’s not something I can just do.” 

“I know,” Neil said hurriedly and shook his head. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m fine, I was just-”

Andrew held up a hand, “Neil _I’m Fine_ Josten, I know you’re not. But for the sake of there not being any miscommunication, I’m going to tell you how it is.”

Neil nodded and pressed his lips together. 

“When and if we ever try it, I have to top. That’s just... the way it is. If you’re uncomfortable with that, it’s fine,” Andrew said, his eyes serious as he implored Neil to understand he meant it. “But I can’t bottom. I can’t have you behind me. I tried it once before and even with me topping, it wasn’t something I could really enjoy and I had to stop. I don’t want that to happen with you,” ‘ _I don’t want that to happen with you_ ’... “So, this isn’t something that’s going to happen until I think I can handle it. But, if it’s something you’re curious about and you want to explore it, we can try fingering or using toys. I’m okay with both of those if you are.” When he stopped, he looked at Neil expectantly and though he said all of that so matter of factly, Neil was still stuck on the words _‘fingering’_ and _‘toys’_ and how they’d just fallen Andrew’s mouth like they were everyday conversation words. 

_Why Neil, the weather is gorgeous today. Would you like some fingering? I’m thinking of burgers for dinner. How about some toys? That we can use? You know,_ **_for sex_ ** _?_

He opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times, aware of the fact that he probably looked like a goddamn fish. Honestly, Neil was feeling a hundred different things, and somewhere in the middle of that storm of emotions and sensations and _feelings_ , he could pinpoint the absolute heartbreak he felt at knowing _why_ Andrew had such strict boundaries. A fairly light and airy conversation spoken between normal lovers was turned to something hugely important, weighing heavy in his chest that Neil welcomed because it was for _Andrew_. 

Neil wanted to simultaneously crawl under a rock and bring Andrew’s head to his chest to stroke his hair. A protective instinct he’d always saved for himself on the run after his mother died was rapidly morphing into everything _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew_. 

And with that, “Okay,” he finally managed. 

“Okay?” Andrew asked, looking skeptical. “Listen, I know I have issues and I’ll probably always have issues when it comes to sex. I’ve taken the lead with us on most things because that’s what I’m able to work with and I have more experience. But this has to be a give and take.” He gestured with an errant hand between them. “I need to know what you’re feeling and thinking because if _I_ feel like you’re not telling me something just because you don’t want to upset me or some other bullshit, I’m not going to be okay with doing anything.”

“Sorry, it’s just... I’m new at all this. And I’m completely fine with you leading. I think you know that, right? Everything so far has been...” Neil was almost at a loss for words and instead of saying anything, he reached out and took one of Andrew’s hands from his lap and squeezed it. ~~_Maybe I’m going a bit soft, too._~~ “I’m good with other... things. If you want to try them. But,” His brows twitched and he shook his head. “We don’t have to worry about anything else until it feels right.”

~~_Okay fucking Casonova._ ~~

Andrew’s smug smirk was back in an instant and Neil felt the blush he’d just realized was heating his cheeks, creep its way down his neck. 

“You’re good with the other things, hmm? I’m sure you are-”

Neil rolled his eyes and let go of his hand, trying and failing to seen unaffected. 

“Oh whatever. Go back to your throne if you’re not going to help me put this stupid thing together...” Neil picked up the directions and pretended like he was reading them. He wasn’t and Andrew probably knew that as he retreated back to the chair, throwing his legs up over the side. 

“They already have one in my office, you know. I don’t know why you’re putting one in here.”

“Because maybe they get sick of looking at you hunched over your computer on that fucking jewelry knock-off website Ashleigh gave you, okay? Maybe they’d like a change of scenery...” Neil mumbled. 

“I went on it _once_ ,” Andrew said around a mouth full of blow pop. He crunched down on it and Neil lifted his head in time to watch him scrape the candy and gum off the stick with his teeth. He quickly sat up straight, phone in his hand, eyes darting quickly across the screen. 

And just like that, they were back to normal. Neil appreciated that about them. 

“What is it?”

He looked up to Neil, empty white stick till held aloft, “Jesse Shae is coming tomorrow.” When Neil gave him a blank look, he clarified. “For the interview.” He looked back to the screen, typing quickly with the white stick back between his teeth and thumbs flying across the screen. 

“Jesse Shae sounds like he’s in the Irish Mob. Not that I have inside knowledge of the Irish Mob or anything.”

“Sure, you don’t. Your mom’s half cousin’s brother’s aunt is probably the head mobster.”

“Not that far removed, I don’t think,” Neil answered. Andrew snorted, eyes still on his phone. 

In regards to Jesse Shae, Neil and Andrew had finally decided that they needed to get ahead of the press. Ever since it was revealed that Neil was Nathaniel Wesninski, they’d been bombarded with different publications, news outlets, even the occasional paparazzi. It didn’t help that there were several other high profile figures such as Matt Boyd and Allison Reynolds involved in the case and showing up on campus either. 

With all that being said, Andrew and Neil avoided them as best they could and refused to talk to any sort of media for the sake of normalcy and their own mental health after Lola and Romero. But now, too much speculation had been raised and with Season 2 on the horizon, it was wise to promote themselves in some way. Not to mention, keeping themselves relevant and in the public eye was another layer of protection that they needed to ride for as long as they could. After all, they could pretend the Moriyamas didn’t exist all they wanted, but the Moriyamas would remember them regardless. 

Neil gripped the screwdriver just a little tighter and dropped it on the floor one more time. He sighed heavily and turned to Andrew. 

“What if they ask about us?”

Andrew shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. “Then they ask. We don’t have to answer.”

“Would it be bad to answer?” Neil crossed his arms and ran a thumb over his bottom lip. Honestly, he didn’t know how to navigate this - but he felt like the more hidden they were, the more people would come up with stories and _blah blah blah_. It was part of the reason why he wanted to address it on air in the last episode of Season One. It wasn’t fair to Andrew for people to make assumptions about them. 

About how _this_ came to be. 

Andrew set his phone back down and looked up at Neil, brows raised. “We haven’t made a secret of it. We’ve addressed it. We say what we’re comfortable with and we leave the rest for us.”

_We leave the rest for us._

Neil liked that plan.

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_This now leads us to the three girls we initially knew nothing about, until Robin raised them to my attention in a meeting we had a few weeks ago. Here’s that conversation._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_// So, Neil and I were discussing the time between victims. Sometimes, it seems like he took a break. Some breaks are relatively short and some, it looks like he took years. We were brainstorming some reasons for that. //_

_[ pause ]_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_// You’re missing girls. //_

_[ pause ]_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_// Are we? //_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_// Yes. //_

_[ Rifling around. Sound of paper ]_

_// Imani, Nia, and Makenna. Imani and Makenna were taken from New York. Makenna was taken from the Jersey Shore. //_

_[ pause ]_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_[ quiet ]_

_// It works, date wise. What specifically makes you think these are linked? //_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_// Because it fits. //_

_[ pause ]_

_[ deep breath ]_

_// He told me things... When he had me in that house. He would talk about the other girls and I know he’d taken some of them from the surrounding area. //_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_// People might start looking a little harder if they thought there was a serial kidnapper and killer in Newark. //_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_// Exactly. He was careful. I know he took girls from New Jersey and New York, and they were lured the same way the rest of them were. He just never snatched - he never made a scene. He caught them when they were separated from their parents or from a group and lured them away with promises little kids can’t resist. A puppy, or candy, or even promising to take them back to their parents if they look lost. He was a master at manipulation, or maybe I was just a gullible child. The fact of the matter is, he wants them to come calmly, willingly, so they don’t draw attention. And it worked. No one saw these girls disappear, despite the fact that most were in crowded areas. And the only thing to come out of twenty years of ‘disappearances’ - //_

_[ implied air quotes ]_

_// -was a generic description of a white man of average height and a Yankee cap wandering around the scene of the crime. Tell me Andrew, how many white men in baseball caps wander around New York, New Jersey? //_

_[voice lower ]_

_// I know it’s not a ton to go on, but this was him. I know it was him. //_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_We think she’s right._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_9 year old Imani Williams was kidnapped on the 27th of February, 1995 in East Harlem - just around three weeks after the discovery of Tamika Brown’s body._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_She was with her older siblings when they decided to walk to a bodega on the corner of 3rd Ave and E 121st. Her siblings went inside, but Imani was said to have stopped to pet a dog that was tied up right outside the door. When they came back out, she was gone._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_This time, there were no supposed witnesses, no cameras at the bodega - no one saw or heard anything. She was just there and then she was gone._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_It wasn’t until a day later when police obtained security footage from a business across the street. There, Imani is seen petting the dog when suddenly she looks up. We think someone off screen called to her. We don’t know who or what, but she is seen saying something back, then wandering east down 121st and off screen. She wasn’t seen again, until a month later._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_[ deep breath ]_

_Imani was found in a wooded area, this time in Brook Branch Park, Forest Hills, Newark. The issue was, there was an extensive search for her within Manhattan limits. No one thought to connect her to Newark and it wasn’t until a runner stumbled upon her body that local conjecture was made._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_‘Local’ being the operative word. Which is why we never heard of her until Robin pointed her out. It also means that the family was left without a_ **_real_ ** _solid conclusion. Because after two weeks of searching, the police essentially gave up and pinned Imani’s father, Jeffrey Arlington, for her murder._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_If that name sounds familiar, it might be because of the popular podcast series, Trojan Horse. Now on their fourth season, Trojan Horse is currently working with the Innocence Project to prove Jeffrey Arlington had nothing to do with the murder of his daughter, Imani._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Trojan Horse had been on my radar for quite a long time. I went to graduate school with both hosts, Sarah Alverez and Laila Dermott. Us working on essentially the same case is purely by coincidence. However, we’re now helping them prove Jeffrey’s innocence and for a more in depth look into how he was arrested, proof of his innocence, and how Imani was found, there will be a link in the description to their site. We’ll also be interviewing them some time in the coming episodes, so keep an eye out._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_For now, what we were able to find was that based on autopsy results, Imani had been lying there for weeks. This led the medical professionals to believe her captor (_ **_Steven_ ** _, not Jeffrey) kept Imani for only a few days._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Imani’s birthday was December 16th and she wanted to be an astronaut when she grew up. Her oldest sister, Taryn, said she had a signed picture of Mae Carol Jemison, the first black woman to travel to space, hanging on her bedroom wall._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Now this is where we start seeing longer periods of time between victims._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_He got spooked._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_I think he definitely got spooked. It seems like he’d gotten cocky after getting away with this for so long._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_The long wait is also a reason why we didn’t connect the next two victims, until Robin brought them to our attention._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_While visiting family for an annual summer vacation on the Jersey Shore, six year old Nia Jones went missing on June 29, 1995 - six months after Imani Williams. She disappeared on a bathroom trip with her mother, who was waiting outside with her younger brother. No one saw anything, not even a man in a Yankee cap. She just vanished. And what scared them the most, was that the only way out of that bathroom was through the front door. To her family and law enforcement, it was almost as if she disappeared into thin air._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_This shows us that Steven was learning._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Apparently._

_[ sigh ]_

_JSPD searched for Nia nearby, but they couldn’t find her anywhere near the shore. It wasn’t until months later, back in Newark, that her body was found in Vailsburg Park, about 8 miles west of the Passaic River._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And like Imani, no one was looking for her in Newark, so it took some time to identify her remains after lying in dense underbrush for the extent of the Summer. But, based on the medical examiners best guess, they believe she was killed about a week after she was taken._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Nia Jones was six when she died. Her birthday is March 12. She loved baking and riding her bike, and her favorite color was yellow._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Steven waited to take his next victim. Nia had already been found, to very little notice in the Newark area. She wasn’t a local child, so she garnered even less attention than his previous victims. Which leads us to ask if this break had been purposeful. Did he want Nia to be found first? Or was he trying to be more cautious?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Either way, it wasn’t until December 13, 1995 before the third victim we missed, seven year old Makenna Taylor went missing._

_Makenna was taken while walking to school in Lincoln Park, Jersey City. Two older children claimed to see her walking with a man in a baseball cap, but they were summarily dismissed as unreliable. The police claimed they were trouble-makers, who’d been caught lying to the police before. Of course, there’s no support for this and in the name of instigation, I’d wager it had more to do with the fact that both 15 year old boys were black and from a neighborhood known for gang activity, than anything else._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And rather than take their claims seriously, JCPD detained the two of them and subjected them to questioning - claiming to the public that two people of interest were in custody._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Detainment lead to arrest and though they were minors, they were kept for two weeks, questioned without a guardian or lawyer present, and almost falsely confessed after being under duress for an extended period of time._

_They were finally released when a teacher vouched for them, claiming that they’d been in her classroom before school, getting extra math help for an upcoming test._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Sounds about right. So JCPD wasted about two weeks looking at two kids they knew had nothing to do with it. But you know._

_[ sarcasm ]_

_They had to look like they were doing something._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Mhm._

_And this is where we think Steven went against his usual MO as well. Instead of being found in Newark, like the other girls, Makenna was found in the Adirondacks in upstate New York. A couple staying in a cabin nearby stumbled across Makenna’s body while on a hike. By that time, she’d been missing for a month and hadn’t been dead long when her body was found._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_We believe this was the longest he’d ever kept a girl, up to that point. And because of that, we think he was getting more comfortable._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And this is somewhat of a turning point in Steven’s MO. From here, the lengths in which he keeps the girls only grows._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_I wonder if that was his mission all along. Did he want to have someone with him? Or was his initial plan just to have them for a bit and replace them later on?_

_[ pause ]_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_If I had to guess, I think he always wanted a victim to keep. But, I also think he didn’t exactly know how to_ **_do_ ** _that. I think he worried about keeping one for too long, about getting caught. Which can explain why the gaps between victims begin to grow even more._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_[ sigh ]_

_Right. And for those of you listening to Makenna’s story and wondering why we seem so dead set on her being Steven’s victim? It’s because Lincoln Park is just around five miles from Newark - and, Robin says he told her. We believe her._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Makenna Taylor was seven years old when she died. Her birthday was August 21 and she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up. Her favorite show was Madaline._

* * *

* * *

**_Stories: Interview with the Creators of the Red Rabbits Podcast_ **

**_By Jesse Shae_ **

**_Read the full article here *_**

* * *

* * *

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Now we go from January of 1996 when Makenna was found, to September 18, 1998 when six year old Sofia Garcia went missing, once again, in Newark. I have my own theories as to why this gap was so long._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_[ hum of agreement ]_

_I suspect something big enough happened that it put Steven in a position of making it very difficult to keep a child captive without getting caught. Whether that be scrutiny or simply just life. We see a lot of similar killers take breaks like this for relationships, getting married, receiving help even, arrest etc. It’s completely possible he got into trouble for something unrelated and was worried about the attention. Or he could’ve been serving time - there’s a million possibilities._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_True._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Sofia was taken from her front yard while playing outside. However, we don’t think he chose a child at random this time. The two of us, Robin, and Sofia’s parents included, think he spotted Sofia somewhere - the grocery store, a park,_ **_something_ ** _, and followed her. It probably wasn’t too hard to find out where she lived, especially in Newark, and from there took the chance to watch and learn her family’s patterns before her kidnapping._

 **_Neil Josten:_ **

_Her mother said that Sofia played outside regularly on the weekends after breakfast. I find it hard to believe he just happened to be walking outside her house at the exact moment she was playing, because while that sounds reasonable - Steven seems to be smarter than that._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Exactly. And this can be another point where his actions begin to escalate - especially if this is where he begins stalking his victims._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Sofia was found seven months later in Nockamixon State Park, Pennsylvania by a park ranger who was doing a routine check of the woods. And this is where we also start to see him display his victims in such a way that is... a clearly confident manner. He_ **_wants_ ** _them to be found now, there’s no more hiding them under the brush._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_We actually saw the crime scene photos from this case and it was more disturbing than we can possibly describe. And no, we will not be sharing them. Our goal isn’t to sensationalize or force the family to re-live this unimaginable nightmare. Rather, the reason why we’re telling you that things began to change here, is to illustrate the drastic shift in Steven’s behavior and what we should now be looking out for. As we said before, one thing leads to the next and to the next. Escalation builds on top of itself and this is just the beginning. By looking at other examples, such as DeAngelo, we can infer that Steven will only get worse._

**_Neil Josten:_ ** _  
__And it’s hard to believe there’s any worse than this... because while the other girls were ‘effectively’ left in the woods with no ceremony, Sofia was dressed in a white nightgown and left in a clearing. She was surrounded by flowers, some nestled into her hair which was spread out around her. This was all still evident, despite her having been in the woods for months with any number of animals and open to the elements._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_He was attached to her._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I think so, too. And I’m not so sure he’d let himself get attached like this before - even with Makenna, who we believed he had for a month. Also, as far as we can tell, Sofia was with him for around 6 months, and he laid her out like an innocent child._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Which she was. The problem lies in whether_ **_he_ ** _believed that or he if was mocking the family._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Which we have no real way to tell._

_What we can say is that Sofia was 7 years old when she died. Her birthday was December 23rd and she loved christmas so much, that she had a tiny tree lit in her room year round._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_His next victim he kept for even longer. This might sound familiar and if you’ve been paying attention, falls into a seasonal pattern. This victim also brings back what we briefly mentioned before about how the race of these girls could have been a part of a calculated plan in staying concealed, in addition to... whatever fucking else._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Amira Haidar was 7 years old when she was taken from the Jersey Shore on July 4, 1999._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Sounds like Steven frequents there every Independance day. Interesting._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_[ hum of approval ]_

_Amira’s family believes they were being watched by someone while they were on the pier the day before her abduction. Her mother claims to have seen the same man wearing a Yankee cap, numerous times - going so far as to follow them into a restaurant. She also says she didn’t think of it too much at the time, remarking to her husband what a coincidence it was, but also how that morphed into something else._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Mrs. Haidar says she never got a clear view of the man’s face, but she maintains the belief that_ **_he_ ** _is the one who took her daughter._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_We think he picked Amira and kept an eye on her until he deemed the perfect moment. Her parents aren’t totally sure where she was taken and with three kids, it can sometimes be hard to keep track in such a busy place like the Shore. But, she says one minute they were sitting on a bench, eating cotton candy, and the next, Mrs. Haidar turned to talk to her husband about something and Amira was gone._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Her parents suspect she got up and walked off a little ways before she was lured - as they didn’t hear anyone talking to her before they noticed her missing. Honestly, it’s amazing with all the people around there weren’t any witnesses that could give a better description._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Yeah, but that’s exactly why he felt comfortable taking a kid in that environment. I know from experience how easy it is to blend in with a crowd. I went anonymous for how many fucking years?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_[ quiet ]_

_Too many._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Exactly. The fact of the matter is, people don’t pay attention - especially not to a little brown girl in the midst of American/Middle Eastern unrest._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Right. Which we will get into a bit more in a minute._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Yeah - and it’s the exact reason why kids are told to scream, ‘_ **_you’re not my parent_ ** _’ if someone is trying to take them._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Mm. Unfortunately, whatever Steven did worked. He took Amira and despite being reported within mere minutes of her disappearance, she wasn’t found until over two years later in December of 2001._

_[ breath ]_

_Pay attention to what Neil just said and of those dates. Amira Haidar was a Pakistani little girl who disappeared when anti-muslim rhetoric was at an all-time high, and wasn’t found until three months after 9/11. According to her parents there was an actual search into her disappearance, but that search fell far to the wayside when all efforts were aimed to those displaced after the collapse of the Twin Towers, two years later._

_By then? She wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was just a brown kid, who didn’t matter in the eyes of Americans because she was considered one of quote unquote,_ **_them_ ** _._

_She matters to her family and her friends though, her schoolmates and her teachers. She matters to us. Which is why we’re here to tell you that Amira Haidar’s body was found washed up on the shore of the Passaic River on December 30, 2001 and the piece of shit detective on her case, Detective Messing of JSPD reportedly refered to Amira as not only “One little muslim girl in a sea of missing kids,”, but he stopped taking her mother’s calls and her mother stopped trying._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And we can’t blame Mrs. Haidar. Her child was taken, held for two years, and murdered. No one would listen, no one would try, no one cared - not after 9/11..._

_Not after her child was found in a white nightgown, just like Sofia. She was placed in an icy fucking river, in which_ **_Steven_ ** _knew she would eventually wash up and be found in a short amount of time._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_He was comfortable. He flew so easily under the fucking radar and any fear of getting caught seemed to have completely vanished._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Amira Haidar was nine when she died. Her birthday was March 6. She loved animals and had a dog named Lacy, who she swore loved her more than her older sister Sima. Her favorite color was purple._

* * *

* * *

“Stop touching it.”

“I’m not! I’m just... hovering over it in a protective gesture.”

Andrew snorted. They were on their way home from the piercing parlor. Andrew’s nipples hurt like a bitch, but he thought he was doing a great fucking job of pretending he was superior to the pain. 

Neil flipped the visor down to look at his new nose ring. It was silver and looked a bit like the one Andrew had in his septum.

 _We match_ _. Ha_

“You were right.”

“I’m always right. About what?”

“It looks really good...” Neil turned his head this way and that, admiring the piercing from every angle. “I actually really like it,” the sun caught the silver ring every time he moved and Andrew would never admit it, but he liked this side of Neil. He liked Neil liking something about himself, about his reflection. For so long he dyed his hair and covered his eyes and Andrew didn’t know. It was a sort of pride he felt, he guessed. He just wanted Neil to be happy and -

_Ugh. You’re. Going. Soft._

“Told you,” Andrew said, covering up his thoughts with smugness, letting himself instead bask in the joy that comes from being right so often.

“You think I look hot?” Andrew looked over to find Neil grinning at him. 

Andrew rolled his eyes and shrugged. “I always think you look,” he airquoted with one hand, “‘hot’. But yeah, the piercing adds to the whole aesthetic.”

Neil practically preened and sat back in his seat, flipping the visor back up like punctuation. “Likewise. I’m gonna be real though, I cannot fucking wait for those to heal,” Neil glanced down to his chest, then back out the dash. 

He raised a brow, keeping his eyes on the road. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

Neil leaned into Andrew’s space, as close as he could get in the car. His lips brushed his neck, just under his jaw. “Because,” he said lowly. “I want to see how you react when I tug on them with my teeth.”

Those words went straight down Andrew’s body and he used a hand to push Neil away instead of down like he -

“Yeah, well. Six to twelve months so keep it together.”

With a sad sigh, Neil leaned back. “Fine, fine, fine. Are we going to this party tonight?”

Seth insisted everyone meet at the studio for an impromptu party that night to celebrate the start of Season Two. Andrew had a feeling it really had more to do with the fact that Dion was in town and he wanted to drink with him without actually going out - but he supposed it didn’t matter either way. The reason didn’t make it any less torturous. 

“Do we have to?” he complained. 

“Now Andrew,” Neil said, chastising. “You have to play nicely with your friends if you want to have dessert later.”

_Oh?_

“What’s for dessert? Because if you try to feed me carrot cake again, I’m out.”

“My dick, babe. It’s my dick. We’re going, so wear something sexy.”

Andrew barked a laugh and it felt _good_. “Ah, Neil. You just wait till my tits are healed.”

As it was, Andrew found himself in the lounge some hours later, a red solo cup filled with plain lemonade in his hand, watching Neil’s head tilt back as he laughed at something Seth said to him. Dion caught his eye and made his way over, sitting beside him on the couch. He didn’t say anything for a moment and Andrew kept his eyes on Neil. 

“He’s cute,” Dion said eventually. Andrew glanced at him and narrowed his eyes. Dion laughed, “Calm down, sweetheart. I’m not interested. Just making an observation.”

He looked back at Neil. He _was_ cute. Andrew cocked his head as if that would help see Neil even closer. 

_He’s fucking beautiful._

“Wowwww,” Dion said, a smirk on his lips. Andrew looked over again. “You’ve got it bad.”

Andrew just shrugged because, well, he didn’t feel like denying it. “You’re one to talk. I almost feel bad for keeping you distracted from Seth when you and I were... Doing whatever it was we did.”

“Do I need to remind you ‘what it was we did’?” Dion looked amused. Andrew ignored it. 

Dion ignored the ignoring and sighed, instead focusing on Seth. “I wouldn’t complain about having more time. But things happen the way they happen, you know? At the time he was messing around with Alli anyway, still working things out, too, I think. I don’t know. I like to tell myself everything happens the way it does for a reason.”

“Ah,” Andrew scoffed. “Another one for the magic of fate.”

“Not fate. Just... timing. He makes me feel things,” Dion said. Andrew thought it should’ve sounded stupid and over dramatic and pathetic. But it didn’t. It sounded matter of fact - it sounded _familiar_. “Now is our time. We’re getting everything out of it we can.” 

He grinned and stood when he saw Neil make his way over. “That nose ring is gorgeous,” he said as they crossed paths. Neil smiled a real smile and Andrew didn’t know why that surprised him. 

“Worried Dion was trying to seduce me away?”

Neil sat on the couch so he was facing him. “ _Could_ he seduce you away?”

“Not now that you have that piercing. It should hold my attention for a bit, anyway.”

Neil laughed and that was real, too. “God, you’re so romantic.”

“That’s the word on the street.”

He caught Neil’s gaze and for just a moment, the music and the people and all that _noise_ that always seemed to make itself at home in Andrew’s head, weren’t so noticeable anymore. Neil held out a hand, palm up, and Andrew didn’t hesitate to take it. 

“Here’s to Season Two,” Neil said, smile on his lips. 

Andrew kissed the back of his hand. “To Season Two.” 

* * *

* * *

_[ interlude ]_

_-_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_As comfortable as he seemed, it was still five years between Amira and victim number eight._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Number eight. Our lone survivor. Our reason for investigating this case in the first place and confirming all nine girls._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Robin Cross was taken from a Newark playground on September 8, 2006, when she was five years old. She was his captive for six years._

_[ pause ]_

_Six years._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_In October of 2012, Steven attempted to use now eleven year old Robin as bait to lure in another girl. Thankfully, that girl escaped when her mother realized she wasn’t where she was supposed to be. Also, thankfully, that mother asked Robin where_ **_her_ ** _mother was. When Robin tried to run, the girl’s mother grabbed her arm and held her until police arrived after learning from her daughter that Robin was attempting to get her to leave._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Of course local PD tried to take the credit, claiming that_ **_they_ ** _had found Robin, when they’d done next to nothing for the entire six years she was missing._

_To us, Robin had been an invaluable source that for some reason, hadn’t been taken seriously. She says she gave an initial statement when she was found, but being a child and having been held captive for so long, no one really believe what she had to say for apparent fear that she had been manipulated._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Which should’ve raised some really big red fucking flags, but you know. Newark’s law enforcement is filled with corrupt fucking -_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Save it for next episode. If you start, I’ll start and I’ve got a lot to fucking say._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_[ scoff ]_

_Fine._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I know._

_[ sigh ]_

_Robin Cross was five years old when she was taken, and eleven when she was found. Before her kidnapping, she loved roller skating and making friendship bracelets for everyone she met. She hadn’t been able to do either of those things after Steven._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And that leaves us with our last known victim._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Zoe Perez was five when she was taken on August 1, 2015 - four years after Robin was found. She was taken from the same playground Robin disappeared from. Zoe’s mother reading a book and by the time she looked, Zoe was gone. Police filed the missing persons reports, did a preliminary search, and all but forgot about her within a month._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_But the community didn’t forget. They continued to search for her to no avail, and many feared that the same thing that had happened to Robin, happened to her._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_They were right. Zoe wasn’t seen again until she washed up on the banks of the Passaic on July 6th of this year - just like Amira. And like Amira and Sofia, Zoe was found in a white nightgown. This time, however, she also had on a necklace with heart pendant that her parents say she did not have before she went missing._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Robin knew this was Steven the moment she heard the news. However, details about the necklace were leaked from the press and she says that was the big push in getting her to email us._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Because she was given the same exact necklace._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Zoe Perez was nine years old when she was found. According to her parents, she loved being outside and playing in the mud._

* * *

* * *

Season Two, as it turned out, moved along a lot slower than Season One had. With Neil, Andrew had sightings and leads. He didn’t have that here and Neil could tell it weighed on him. Normally once he set his mind to something he was all _go go go_ and it was everything Neil could do sometimes to get him to take a break and eat a meal that wasn’t chocolate. But now? It was stop and go, wait and maybe get _something_. 

And as time crept by, somehow October had completely snuck up on them, and after a trip to Chicago to see Aaron and Katelyn’s new baby, they dived right back in immediately upon their return. That’s how Neil found himself sitting on the living room floor, papers spread about the rug and Andrew on his knees, crawling from one paper to another and muttering to himself. 

“We have six girls,” he said at last and Neil wasn’t sure if Andrew was talking to him or himself. 

“Yes,” Neil said, because he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. 

“Why? Some of these have tiny gaps of time between them, some have huge gaps. _Why?_ ” Andrew asked again with a bit more fire. 

Neil shrugged and leaned back on his hands. “Maybe he got spooked? Maybe the cops were getting closer than he liked? Maybe something else happened in his life. It could be a million things.”

Andrew sat upright, arms crossed with one hand rubbing his chin. His armbands were missing and he’d been wearing them less and less at home. Something about that made Neil feel _warm_. 

“Maybe...” Andrew conceded. “But I feel like we’re missing something.”

Neil stood and walked over. He put a hand on top of his head, just because he could and Andrew didn’t shake him off, which meant he was too distracted to care. 

“Six girls is a lot to go on for now,” he tried to reason. “How are we going to do this for the podcast? How do you want to present the case and these girls?”

Andrew let out a huff of a breath and sat on the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest and circling his arms around them. “What do you think?”

_What do I think?_

Neil bit the inside of his lip and let his eyes fall on all their work. Slowly, he moved away from Andrew and bent down, getting a closer look at the rough timeline of disappearances they’d laid out. “It’s important, I think, to talk about each girl. Give them each time on the air. Say their names...”

When he looked up at Andrew, he was nodding, focused on the small stack of articles closest to him. “I want to talk to their parents,” he said after a moment and Neil stopped pacing to look at him. 

“Uh - Right okay... What do you want from them? What if they don’t want someone calling with a reminder of this? All these years later?”

Andrew chewed on his lip ring and Neil watched as it disappeared. “Then I’ll know not to mention the name on air.”

“You want their blessing?”

Andrew moved a piece of paper for a reason Neil didn’t know, but he was sure made sense one way or another. “More or less, I suppose. I want to know more about these girls - what were they like? What hobbies did they have? _Who were they_ ? I want to make them real. I want to see them as actual people instead of abstract victims and I want the _listeners_ to see that too.”

This. 

This right here, Neil thought, was why he was so fucking hopeless when it came to Andrew. 

He’d heard the crew call him, _Monster_ . He knew it was a nickname; something left over from college - a pet name, almost. But Neil fucking hated it. They had no idea what a real monster was. Neil did. _Andrew_ did. And if they did, they wouldn’t call him that. 

Andrew was the best fucking person Neil had ever known, and he’d fucking fight anyone who tried to suggest he was anything but kind, passionate, empathetic, and good. 

“That’s going to take a lot of legwork,” Neil finally said. “Tracking down all the families, contacting them, talking to them.”

Andrew shrugged. “It’ll take what it takes. I want to do what’s right, not what’s quick. I made that mistake the first time and I don’t intend on making it again.”

_Can’t argue with that._

With one last nod, Neil started to gather the papers and Andrew made an annoyed sound. “What are you doing? These are in a specific order-”

“You can put it back to order later like you’ll do anyway. We’ve been at it all day. You need a break and I need dinner.”

Andrew shook his head, reaching and taking the papers from Neil to put them back in place. “In a minute-”

“Hey,” Neil said, a bit more firm. Andrew glanced up at him. “Don’t do this, okay? Don’t get so wrapped up that you quit taking care of yourself. Yeah-” He started when Andrew rolled his eyes. “I know you. And I know you need food. If nothing else, _I_ need food. I haven’t eaten all day. I’m wasting away. _Feed me._ ”

Andrew huffed what might’ve been a laugh. “Fine. But we leave this all here. Put the cats in the bedroom so we don’t come home to paper confetti all over the house.”

It was Neil’s turn to roll his eyes and once the cats were away, he slipped his feet into sneakers. Andrew was lacing his boots when he came back out and Neil grabbed the Maserati keys from the bowl next to the door. 

They took their time at dinner. Well, no. _Neil_ took his time. He wanted to keep Andrew out and distracted as long as possible. For the first half hour he could see names and statistics and autopsy reports flashing behind Andrew’s eyes. But for the last part he started to relax, sink into the moment and Neil relished in it for as long as he could. He knew as soon as they got home, he’d be back at it until Neil woke up and persuaded him to go to bed. 

“I want to stop somewhere first,” Andrew said on their way home. Neil just nodded. He didn’t think much of it, but when they pulled up to a storage facility, his interest was piqued. 

“Is this it? You’re going to show something really terrible so I know who you truly are? What kind of sick shit do you have in there? Oh my god...” he paused and quickly tried to think of something that seemed cringey when Seth mentioned it. “Are you a.... Trekkie...? Are you going to show me your Star Wars memorabilia?”

Andrew stopped as he pulled the keys out of the ignition. He looked at Neil with utter disdain. “First... how do you know what a trekkie is? Second, there are so many things wrong with that entire sentence, I don’t even know where to begin.”

Neil just grinned. Andrew rolled his eyes and got out of the car, so Neil followed. He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and bent to unlock the door of a storage unit that was a few down from where he’d parked. Yellow light bathed them from above and Neil found himself admiring the gold that shone throughout Andrew’s hair. It was beautiful, really... A breeze brushed by and lifted a few strands into the air. They turned bright yellow, as if they were glowing and - 

The door opened with a loud screech and shocked Neil out of his ~~_whatever_~~ _admiring_. 

_What-_

“It’s... a car?” A nice car, too. A sleek black GS and of fucking course that meant absolutely nothing to Neil. Car’s were for getting from point A to a very, very far away point B. “Why do you have a car in storage?”

“I didn’t want to get rid of it when I got the Mas. Seemed like a waste. Here.” Andrew pulled a key out of his pocket and put it in Neil’s hand. Neil looked down, confused even as his heart began to pound against his chest. 

“You want me to drive it back to the apartment...?”

“I want you to drive it wherever you want.”

Neil looked down at the key again. It was just a key - sitting in the palm of his hand. It was heavy. It felt... nice. “You’re letting me use your car?”

“I’m giving it to you.” _Wha-_ Neil shot his eyes up to Andrew and automatically started shaking his head. “Oh stop looking like that,” Andrew sighed. “It’s just a key and that’s just a car. Come on, I want to get home.” Andrew suddenly turned and shoved his hands into his pockets as he made his way back to the Maserati. 

Neil closed his palm around the key and squeezed it until it hurt. It was like he was trying to sear the outline into his skin... He wanted to feel it and he didn’t know why, but something warm and solid nestled itself in the center of his chest and -

Andrew was already pulling out when he looked up again. So, there was only one thing he really could do, because if he _didn’t_ Andrew was going to leave him there. Inhaling a deep breath, he got into the GS, took a moment to admire the leather seats and what looked to be a very expensive sound system. It was one thing to be in the Mas, another to be in a car that Neil _knew_ Andrew loved - that he knew he spent years in and went through so much with. With one last deep breath and moment to his thoughts, he pulled out of the unit, closed it shut, and followed Andrew home.

By the time Neil made it back to the apartment, Andrew was already inside. It afforded him a second to take a deep breath, run his hands reverently over the steering wheel, and ultimately decide what he _should_ do, with absolutely no basis on how to handle this. Neil may not have many _normal_ experiences, but he’s pretty sure people don't just give people cars...

Getting out, he slowly made his way up the stairs, and when he opened the door, Andrew was nowhere to be seen. With a cursory glance around the small space, the door to the balcony was slightly cracked - maybe in invitation. Neil didn’t know, but he detoured to the bathroom instead. He needed a hot shower to try and clear his head... To try and wrap his mind around Andrew giving him a _fucking. Car._

The water was hot, the steam suffocating, but when he stepped out onto the cool, slippery tile, he felt better. Wrapping a towel around his hips, he nodded to himself at his decision. _I’m not keeping it._ It was too much, a gift far too large. He’d been saving his money since he started getting a paycheck from TFN to get his own car and he and Andrew went everywhere together anyway. It wasn’t like he was stranded. 

It was dark outside. The bedroom was cast in shadows and the only light came from the living room, filtering from the bedroom door just as the moon filtered through the blinds. Warm and cool combated each other from either ends and he supposed if he took notice of such things, it would be pretty. But as it was, he didn’t and he dug through the drawers fro something to wear. What he _did_ notice was a shadow blocking the light from the doorway. When he looked up Andrew was leaning against the frame. 

“I can’t take the car,” Neil said, voice sounding so loud in this still space. “I appreciate it, I really do. But it feels like too much.”

Andrew didn’t respond. He just blinked slowly and let his gaze slide to Neil’s bare chest and where he’d normally feel exposed and wish for something to cover his scars, he found himself standing up straight and facing Andrew full on. 

“You can take the car,” Andrew eventually said, “you’re just being stubborn about it.” He stepped into the room and closer to Neil. Neil dropped the sweats he was holding back into the drawer and closed the gap between them. 

“I’m not being stubborn about it.”

Andrew looked at him... Just looked - head slightly tilted and considering. “You need a car. You shouldn’t have to depend on me to go somewhere. Don’t argue.”

Neil opened his mouth to do just that, but Andrew kissed him before a single syllable could pass his lips. It wasn’t a hard kiss - no. It was soft in comparison to their usual. 

And it wouldn’t do at all. 

Neil deepened it, hands reaching to pull him in closer but Andrew pulled away before he could even try. He let out a frustrated huff. 

“Are you going to take the car?” Andrew said between them and when Neil leaned forward again to shut him up, Andrew tilted his head back and waited for an answer. 

_Fucking stubborn. Impossible. Who does he think he -_

“Fine,” Neil groaned. “ _For now_. We’re going to talk about it more later though.” Andrew rewarded his acquiescence with another kiss. 

And another. 

_And another._

Neil was sinking into the feel of Andrew’s lips and the taste of his mouth when he felt Andrew crowding him until Neil found himself against the wall. 

“This is unfair,” Neil breathed. “This... this is...”

“Stop talking,” Andrew said and proceeded to lick a line up Neil’s neck, following the path of a drip of water from Neil’s still wet hair. Neil tilted his head back against the wall, closed his eyes and ran his fingers through Andrew’s hair. 

“Fuck - This is... so unfair -” he repeated, breath hitched as Andrew nibbled into the sweet spot at the crook of his neck. “You can’t just go around fucking giving people cars.”

Andrew ground his hips into Neil’s in response and Neil couldn’t help the moan that escaped. 

“How’d you afford such a nice car without Allison buying it for you?” Andrew’s mouth was on the soft spot behind his ear and Neil wondered how many questions he could get Andrew to answer before the words ‘ _shut the fuck up’_ left his mouth. 

“Why do you ask so many questions?” Andrew ground his hips harder and the towel Neil wore betrayed any hope of modesty he may have had left. 

~~_He didn’t._ ~~

“Why don’t you answer them?” Neil somehow coherently murmured, teeth biting down into his lip.

Andrew finally pulled back to look at him. “Tilda’s life insurance money. Can we get back to getting off?”

_What?_

“Life insurance money?” Neil pulled in his chin and raised a brow. “Like... from when she died?”

“Wow, hey. Great job. You win a prize. Here, let me give it to you.” Andrew leaned in again and Neil let Andrew kiss him. His lips were eager, insistent, and Neil wanted to drown in the feel of hands and teeth and lips and _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew_ and it was only getting better as Andrew pulled back to start tugging on the towel around his hips. 

But Neil couldn’t help himself. 

“So... You’re gifting me your blood money?”

Andrew didn’t even pause as he said, “Yes.”

“Oh my god,” Neil panted. “You’ve never been more attractive to me than you are right now -” He ripped the towel the rest of the way and pulled Andrew close with one hand as the towel dropped to the floor. Andrew laughed, so soft and low against his neck that he could feel the rumble of it vibrate through his own chest. His breath was warm - so warm - and Neil was filled with it, shivering from his head all the way down. 

“You’re sick, you know,” Andrew said, finding his way back to his lips.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Neil replied and from there, Andrew’s clothes were shed quickly between them and Neil let himself forget all about the car. Right now it was all hands and mouths and gasps. It was all the quiet sounds that made up he and Andrew - the ones that filled the spaces between the loud din of everyday life. It was moans and rough voices and harsh breaths. It was whispers in the dark, grinding coffee, soft paws against wooden floors, and lulling one another back to sleep when the nightmares came knocking. 

It was a short trip to the bed. 

It was perfect. 

It was _everything._

And after, when they were sated and sleepy and Neil was hovering in that space where he wasn’t quite sure if he was awake or asleep, he hooked his leg over Andrew’s.

“Night, ‘drew.”

If Andrew responded, Neil didn’t hear it.

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Now we’re here. Now you know their names._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And now, besides the details we’ve mentioned here that link these cases together, there are a few other things, too. We’ll mention them briefly, but as we said, we’re not going into detail and we’re not focusing on them._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_We do, however, believe that we all need to understand the type of consciousless evil we’re dealing with. That being said, all of the girls who were found and were able to be adequately examined had two things in common. One, they were all [ audio break ] strangled to death and two, [ audio break ] they all had evidence of sexual assault._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_But besides all of this - Robin is what links them. She was with Steven for six years. She has detailed information, straight from the mouth of the man responsible for the death of these girls and for the robbing of Robin’s childhood. We purposely included very little detail of Robin’s experience here._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_After being denied the chance to speak for so long, Robin’s story is hers to tell and in Episode 2, she’s agreed to share some of her experience in an interview, conducted by us. We will not be pushing her to share anything she’s not comfortable with._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Honestly, Robin’s so fucking brave and so goddamned determined. I think most people would understandably leave it, call it quits, and bury their heads._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Not Robin._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Not Robin._

_-_

_[ Interlude ]_

* * *

* * *

Andrew sat in the white chair in his office, King in his lap and moleskine notebook open on the arm. His hand moved furiously across the page - writing nothing coherent, nothing to do with the case, nothing important, not really. But he had to get it down and out of his head before it began to take root. He needed it to vanish, needed it gone, and when Neil walked in, he snapped the book shut. 

“If you’re making my Christmas list, I’d like you to get my name tattooed on your ass,” he said, sitting down in Andrew’s desk chair and swiveling to face him. Andrew just met his gaze and stared back at him impassively - or as impassively as he could. Because in that moment, all he could think about was how Neil had started calling him _‘Drew’_ when he was sleepy. Going to sleep, or waking up, or even just dosing with his eyes closed on the couch, and Andrew didn’t even know if he realized he was doing it, and he most certainly didn’t know how he felt about it either. 

It had always been a general rule he’d made with himself that he’d accept absolutely no nicknames. But all of a sudden there was _‘babe’_ and sleepy _‘Drew’_ and why did he feel some type of way when it came from Neil’s mouth and _god_ \- 

~~_What’s wrong with me?!_ ~~

_Stop._

“You’d have me disfigure my fantastic ass like that? Wow, what kind of monster are you?”

“A devoted one, _dear_ .” _Dear -_ Andrew rolled his eyes. “What time is Robin getting here?”

The end of November was fast approaching and Andrew knew they were moving far slower on this than he would’ve liked. There were just so many things to consider - especially when he’d barely considered anything but his emotions the first time around. Then, he’d been so obsessed with finding Neil that he just did everything as quickly as possible to get to his goal. 

But this? This time they were dealing with children - children who had been used, abused, and murdered. They were also dealing with a victim - and though Robin was legally an adult, she was only just coming into her own... She was just learning what it was like to be out in the real world, to be her own person. After all, she’d been homeschooled after she was found and rarely had contact with kids her own age, besides playing exy on a neighborhood team. Andrew didn’t want to push her into something that could be potentially triggering while she was dealing with all the rest. 

“Any minute now,” Andrew replied, pulling the notebook into his lap and pressing the pad of his index finger into the corner. “She’s coming from practice.”

Neil perked up because _of course he fucking did_. “You should’ve gone to the last game with me and Kevin,” Neil said, already smiling. “You know she’s a sub, but she had more playing time and she’s got a lot of potential. The lessons with Matt are really helping and you can tell she’s been working really hard.”

“You got one game out of me and that’s it. But I’m glad you and Kevin have found each other. I hope you’re very happy.” Andrew picked King up from his lap and brought her higher to give her a quick squeeze before standing. He left his notebook on the chair. “Come on, let’s meet her in the studio. It’s more comfortable.”

A few days ago they’d moved a third chair into the recording space. Andrew liked meeting in the studio because if he thought they needed to record, they could make it happen easily. 

Robin walked in just as they left Andrew’s office. She seemed out of breath. 

“Sorry!” she said, walking quickly to meet them halfway. “Practice ran a little long and coach wanted to talk to me.”

Andrew stopped and raised a brow at her, looking down just slightly since he wore his boots today. 

_She’s tiny._

“How many times have I told you that we schedule around you, not the other way around?”

Robin shrugged and made a face, “Like, specifically? Because I’m really bad with math. You know, counting. Numbers. It’s a foreign language and I don’t appreciate you giving me a word problem when I had my remedial math class today to remind me how inept I am.”

Andrew tried not to smile... he really did. But she had so much fucking _fire._ Neil laughed from next to him and that cracked a huff from him, too. “Let me know if you ever need help,” Neil said. “I didn’t go to college but I’m pretty fucking good at math.”

Robin nodded with a smile small that felt so, so wide. “I might end up taking you up on that.”

“Robin!” Andrew turned to see Seth coming from the kitchen, a bag of chips in hand. “What’s good, little sis?”

Her smile stretched this time. Andrew knew Robin was fond of Seth. Generally, she was awkward around people and socially, she was a mess but working on it. In the time she’d been coming into the studio, she’d gotten comfortable with the crew. Wymack was still a bit much for her, which was understandable - considering. But Seth took a lot less time than the others. Part of Andrew hated him for that, just a little. The guy was such a fucking asshole in college, but now he had the sort of easy smile and relaxed demeanor that made it easy for people to like him. 

Which was something Andrew would never be able to do - a level he could never attain. And though he really didn’t give a fuck if people liked him or not, the truth was he wanted Robin to like him. He wanted her to trust him. They’d been working together for months now, so the relationship was there but laying down foundations had taken time. 

“Hey, Seth!” she responded, brightly. “I checked out that band you told me about and you were right. Freaking amazing.”

Seth stopped in front of her and sighed, tilting his head. “I love that you don’t curse... You make me want to stop, but I can’t fucking help myself.” He shrugged helplessly, then turned to Andrew. “Y’all gonna meet in the studio?” Andrew nodded. “Alright, I’ll be in the booth so give me a signal if you wanna record or anything.”

“Is it alright if we do? It’s just something we practice. We may end up not using anything, but if something important is said and fits the episode, I’ll double check with you to see what you’re okay with.” Andrew said, directing his attention back to Robin. 

All she did was shrug and smile, “You guys do what you have to do. So long as you check with me, I don’t mind.”

And with that, after settling into the comfortable seats of the studio, Andrew pulled out the spreadsheet he’d created with all the information of the victims they had up until that point. The red recording sign flickered on.

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“Okay,” he started. “So here’s what we have so far. I know you’ve done your own research. So take a look and let us know if there’s anything we need to add or change.”

Robin took the tablet and Neil’s phone rang. Andrew glanced at him to see him staring at the screen with a furrowed brown. 

“I need to take this,” Neil murmured, then stood and left the studio. Andrew watched him go with a concern he didn’t usually feel for anyone else but _him_. 

“Do you need to check on him?”

Andrew looked back to see Robin studying him. He shook his head. 

_It’s probably Lloyd calling for something stupid._

He moved on and set his mind to the task at hand. “So, Neil and I were discussing the time between victims. Sometimes, it seems like he took a break. Some breaks are relatively short and some, it looks like he took years. We were brainstorming some reasons for that.”

Robin slowly thumbed through the spreadsheet, face blank as she read. 

“You’re missing girls.”

Andrew blinked. “Are we?”

“Yes.” She set the tablet down and pulled out a notebook from her backpack with crinkled paper sticking out. She opened it and rifled through pages upon pages of handwritten notes, before pulling some straight out of the binding. She handed it to him and pointed out what she meant. 

“Imani, Nia, and Makenna. Imani and Makenna were taken from New York. Makenna was taken from the Jersey Shore.” She was calm, her voice radiated confidence. 

But her hand was shaking. 

Andrew gently took the pages from her, knowing if it were himself he wouldn’t want others to know he was rattled. He studied her notes for a moment and mentally put those girls in the places where they fit by memory. “It works date wise,” he said, ticking through the months, years, and days in his head. “What specifically makes you think these are linked, though?”

When he looked up at Robin, her jaw was tight, but her eyes held heavy resolve. He didn’t want her to think he didn’t believe her and was about to say so. He knew that she would know Steven’s MO better than anyone. He just wanted to understand. 

“It fits,” she said simply, then elaborated with a deep breath. “He told me things. When he had me in that house, we would talk about the other girls. I know he’d taken some from the surrounding area.”

“People might start looking a little harder if they thought there was a serial kidnapper in Newark,” Andrew mused, voice low. 

Robin nodded. “Exactly. He was careful. I _know_ he took girls from New Jersey and New York, and they were lured the same way the rest of them were. He just never _snatched_ \- he never made a scene. He caught them when they were separated from their parents or a group and lured them away with promises little kids can’t resist. A puppy, or candy, or even promising to take them back to their parents if they look lost. He was a master at manipulation, or maybe I was just a gullible child.” She shrugged, but her eyes slowly started to turn distant. “The fact of the matter is, he wants them to come calmly, _willingly_ , so they don’t draw attention. And it worked. No one saw these girls disappear, despite the fact that most were in crowded areas. And the only thing to come out of twenty years of ‘disappearances’,” she air quoted, “was a generic description of a white man of average height and a baseball cap wandering around the scene of the crime. Tell me Andrew, how many white men in baseball caps wander around New York, New Jersey?” She stopped, took a deep breath, and blinked back into focus. Her hands were steady now, even as they gripped each other in her lap. “I know it’s not a ton to go on, but this was him. I _know_ it was him.”

And Andrew knew she was telling the truth. He believed her every word and let them hold weight in his mind. He nodded, “I’ll add them. That brings us to nine girls then.” He picked the tablet back up and stared at it. “Nine girls,” he murmured, shaking his head. Who knew how many others there were that they don’t even know about? “Do you mind if I scan your notes? These are super detailed.”

Robin just shook her head and gestured vaguely to do whatever with them. Andrew paused, studied her for a minute, then put the tablet and notes aside. Glancing at Seth, he motioned for him to turn the mic off and after receiving the signal, Andrew glanced at the sign to see it go dark. 

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

Satisfied, he leaned back in his chair, played with his lip ring, then asked, “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she sighed. “Finally getting into the swing of things, I think. My roommate is actually really nice, so I’ve been out with her and her friends a few times. They kinda accepted me into their group which is weird, but I guess when you spend so many hours practicing, it forges things. I’m still completely hopeless in social situations, but I think I’m getting better?”

Andrew nodded, “That’s great.” He paused for a breath. “But that’s not what I meant.”

Robin leaned back in her chair, too, and crossed her arms over her stomach. It was defensive. It was like seeing how Neil was, what felt like once upon a very long time ago. “I’m angry,” she finally said. 

“You should be.”

“But I’m more determined.”

_Me too._

“You know,” He moved to lean his elbows on his knees. “If you decide you don’t want to be involved, we’ll take on the case by ourselves - we’ll still find an answer, still get justice for these girls, and for you. You don’t have to be the face of this investigation - no matter how excited Seth seems to be.” Andrew needed her to understand. 

Writing that witness statement against Drake was one of the hardest things Andrew had ever had to do in his life. He had nightmares for weeks after, even when Drake was convicted. 

_She’s stronger than me, though._

She was made of fire. She was determined and she was outraged, and those two things combined with that tenacity were going to blow this fucking case up in the best possible way. 

“I know,” she said, and stared at the glass of the booth, then redirected her eyes back to him. “But I also know I have to do this. I couldn’t live with myself if I had this opportunity to help right in front of me, and I didn’t. I’d be turning my back on the other girls.” 

He knew what that was like. Holding so many innocent lives in his hands and knowing that he was the only one that could do something about it - the only one that could make a difference and raise the alarm. It took him so long to get to that point though; so long to feel strong enough to say _something_. 

“I think about them every day... I know their names,” her voice dipped lower as she continued. “Alyssa and Tamika, Imani and Nia and Makenna and Sofia and Amira and Zoe.”

“And Robin,” Andrew added, quietly. 

Robin looked away again and waited a beat. “And Robin,” she murmured, then rubbed her eyes with her fists before dropping them with a huff. “Zoe was the last straw. When she washed up in the river...” She shook her head. “I emailed you immediately. These girls are my sisters. These girls?” She rubbed her hands on her thighs and looked him straight in the eye. “They’re a part of me. I can’t abandon them like everyone else has.”

 _I know_ , he thought and slowly reached out a hand. It wasn’t something he normally did, not with anyone but Neil, at least. But it felt right and he needed her to know that he got it.

He understood. 

Robin put hers in his and he covered it with his other hand. “Then I won’t ask again. I’m going to trust you to let me know if you need to step back and I’m going to trust you to tell me when you need to concentrate on school or exy.” _Trust, trust, trust._ That seemed to be the theme of late. Andrew went from trusting no one, to trusting a few. He trusted Renee with his back, Neil with his life, and Robin with herself. “Will you tell me if any of that happens?”

She nodded. 

“Good. Let’s look at the rest of your notes and we’ll compare what we have.”

They poured over everything for another hour. He and Neil had already recorded a bit, but he wanted Robin to introduce herself in episode one. 

“For Episode Two, I’d like to include an interview with you. But, I would like for you to introduce the series. You don’t have to. But I think it’s important to set this season up with a heavy focus on the victims. We want to get their names, their stories out there.”

“Like Neil’s season. You focused on him and his mom, not on the Butcher,” Robin said, and that was exactly it. Then, without much time to think or any pause in between, she nodded. “Okay. I can do that.”

He didn’t mean for it to happen, but he pulled his chin back a bit surprised at her willingness to help. “Right,” he said, then picked the tablet up again. Flicking through his documents, he pulled up the blurb he and Neil had gone over earlier in the day. Holding it out, he watched as Robin pulled the tablet into her lap and read it over a couple of times. Her lips moved as she repeated it silently, and then once more in a tone that rose just below a whisper. 

“I like this,” she said quietly. Really, all it was, was a statistic with a small introduction to the podcast. Andrew thought they could possibly use it in their theme or even the outro. Of course he also planned on recording it himself, but it would mean a lot coming from Robin. 

“So do I just...” She looked to the mic, then to him, and lastly at the glass window that separated them from Seth outside the booth. 

“Yeah, here,” Andrew signaled to Seth once more to let him know what they were doing. He gave them a thumbs up in response and with that, Andrew got up and sat Robin in his chair. After redirecting the mic to sit comfortably before her this time to pick up a clearer sound, he lowered himself into Neil’s spot. 

**[ RECORD ON ]**

Robin cleared her throat, readjusted the mic a hair, looked down at the tablet. “And all I do is speak?”

“That’s it,” he said, signaling to Seth once more, and nodded to Robin when the recording light came on. 

Robin took a deep breath, stretched her neck, then began to speak. “In 2018, the United States National Center for Missing and Exploited Children assisted law enforcement and families with more than 25,000 cases of missing children. Of those 25,000, less than one percent were due to non-family abductions...” She paused, “Less than one percent,” then paused once more. Her voice was low, smooth, and soft. It was perfect and Andrew was captivated. “You’re listening to Season Two of Red Rabbits, the Case of the Newark 9. My name is Robin Cross. I’m number 8. And I survived.”

When she was finished, he turned his head towards Seth and the expression on his face was exactly as he felt. If he wasn’t wearing his armbands, he was sure he would be able to see his skin covered in goosebumps. It was perfect. It was exactly what they needed.

“That was perfect,” he finally said. Her smile was hesitant, but it grew as she looked to Seth and back at Andrew. The red light finally went off. 

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

“Thank you for doing this, Robin. I mean it. And if there’s ever a moment that you don’t want this up, we’ll nix it.”

She shook her head. “I want it in. I may not listen to it, but I think speaking is important.” 

“Me, too. Still.”

Robin smiled and started to stand. “Text me when you want to do the interview for Episode Two.”

“Okay. We can come in any time, weekends too.”

“Okay, sounds great. Tell Neil I said bye.”

He hadn’t realized Neil was still missing. Pressing his lips together, he only nodded and after speaking to Seth, he walked Robin out of the studio. Once she was safely out of the front doors and on the campus shuttle he’d called, he went to search for ~~his~~ the idiot. 

He wasn’t in his office, or the lounge, or the kitchen, but Renee was, leaning against the counter and making a cup of tea. 

“Have you seen Neil?”

“I think we went up to the roof,” she said, stirring with a tiny spoon in her floral teacup calmly. “He looked troubled...”

“Troubled?”

Renee nodded and Andrew didn’t wait to hear if she had anything else to say. Turning on his heel, he headed for the stairs to the roof, taking them two at a time and wondering who could’ve called that had Neil upset. 

He was there, standing near the edge and looking out over campus. It was dark up above, the moon shining upon him and creating a small halo around his silhouette. Andrew walked up behind him, making enough noise so he knew he was there. He stood quietly beside him, waiting for Neil to speak first. 

“A little birdie told me the GS was supposed to be for Bella.”

Andrew let out a sigh, then looked to Neil’s profile. That wasn’t what he expected him to say. “Renee talks too much.”

Neil shrugged. “Maybe you don’t talk enough.” He turned to face Andrew. “You should keep it for her. I”m sure she’d love it, when she’s old enough.”

Andrew sighed again and looked towards the exy stadium. Big and white and ugly with that stupid fox paw, obnoxiously glaring back at him. “I’ll buy her another car. Or, you can give it to her if you want. You’re doing me a favor since I don’t have to pay to store it anymore.”

He could practically hear Neil’s eyes rolling in his head. “I’ll keep it until I save up enough to buy my own car. Okay?”

Andrew wanted to argue some more. Instead, he hummed noncommittally. He didn’t know why Neil was being so fucking difficult about this. _Maybe_ he just wanted to get to work first without having to wait for Neil. 

_Maybe he just wanted him to be happy._

“Is that why you’re up here? Because of the car?”

“No,” Neil mumbled. When he looked down, Andrew noticed he still had his phone clutched in one hand. 

“Who called?” No answer. 

Neil continued to stare out over campus and with every second that ticked by, Andrew was growing increasingly concerned. Was it the Moriyamas? Someone connected to his father?

“Neil. Who called you?”

After an agonizing moment of Neil looking at the phone in his hand and then back up to Andrew, he finally answered. 

“My Uncle Stuart.”

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_That’s all we have for Episode 1. These girls are the Newark 9 and they’re just a fraction of all the forgotten victims in America._

_This season we’ll be following this case in bi-monthly episodes posted every other Sunday, using the information Robin provides and our own investigative process._

_Again, if any of you have any insight or tips, if Steven matches any physical or mental description of someone you know pre or post 1994, send us an email at_ [ _foxholenetwork@gmail.co_ ](mailto:foxholenetwork@gmail.com) _m or send an ask to the website, redrabbitspod.tumblr.com._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Time is literally of the essence here. We don’t know if he has another girl, but he if doesn’t yet, we have reason to believe he might soon. If we can get to him before then, we can save another child, another family, from having to live through this horror._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_We’ll be back in two weeks with Episode 2, an interview with Robin Cross._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_This has been Season 2 of Red Rabbits, the Case of the Newark 9. We’re your hosts,_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Andrew Minyard_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And Neil Josten._

_Keep Searching._

_-_

_[ outro ]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * We do know exactly how that sounds and we debated taking this part out. But the fact of the matter is, we thought too many people would wonder why we didn't use Nathan as an example. And, also we meant what we said. Being a hitman and the man Nathan was, is very different from being a child rapist/kidnapper/murderer as Nora made Steven be. We wont even try to imply that theyre on the same level. 
> 
> \- Note - we also know how weird it can come off, having fluffy Andreil moments between such horrific podcast clips. We get it. But we also want you to look at it as a reflection on what is going inside these characters heads and how they're trying to balance everything, too. 
> 
> God that was a lot. Okay. We promise that's it. and thank you so much if you made it all the way to the end. Wow.  
> So that's it. Chapter 1, Episode 1. Can you believe we're actually here? This took so long to write, so many hours dedicated to trying to do all of it justice and we really fucking hope we did/do. 
> 
> We will be posting Bi-monthly this time around. It's only two of us now and sticking to 1 chapter a week will literally be impossible. So every other Sunday is what we're aiming for. If anything changes, you can check on our tumblr and we'll let you know!
> 
> TRANSCRIPT WILL BE POSTED THIS WEEK ALONG WITH A TIMELINE OF ALL 9 GIRLS.
> 
> Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for sticking with us, supporting us, and pushing us to be better. We appreciate it and we appreciate you <3 
> 
> And with all that being said, please email us at foxholenetwork@gmail.com! Yes! That's real! Just like in season 1, we want you all to get involved. You can come up with any story. We left Steven's previous crimes blank so if you would like to contribute to seeing him, meeting him, etc, please email us to get involved. And trust me, we know exactly how that sounds, but having your involvement will help form an even more immersive and complex world. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos always appreciated! We love you and thank you, thank you, thank you!
> 
> Article with Jesse Shae *  
> [link to article](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/188707970755/redrabbitspod-heres-an-interview-we-did-about)
> 
> RRP Social Media Links:  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> [Jeni182 Tumblr](https://jeni182.tumblr.com/)  
> [BloodyDamnit Tumblr](https://bloodydamnit.tumblr.com/)
> 
> RRP Season 2 Audio:  
> [New Theme ft. Robin](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/189280268610/welcome-to-season-2-rc-portrait-by-seth-gordon)
> 
> Foundations dedicated to Missing Children:  
> [NCMEC](http://www.missingkids.com/home)  
> [A Child is Missing INC](https://achildismissing.org/)  
> [Black & Missing](http://www.blackandmissinginc.com/cdad/)
> 
> *****  
> \- While this season is very much about racial injustice and we know, it's weird having Andrew and Neil being the mouth pieces, we hope with the additions of Seth, Robin, Allison, Dan, Matt, and even Kevin and Brianna, it helps balance it out. And as another disclaimer, BloodyDamnit is black, brown, and gay, so a lot of what's written is based on her understandings within the communities which will probably differ between each. I (BloodyDamnit) dont know everything and we, Jeni and I, have our ears open and are willing to listen to everything you, the audience, have to say. We take your criticism seriously and will try our best. - *****


	2. Audio Notes #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interview with Robin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Can you believe it? 2019 was here and then gone and I think we're still a bit blown away with how Red Rabbits turned out. So I guess we just want to say thank you. Thank you for sticking with us. Thank you for the support. Thank you for reading and showing as much interest as you all have!!!! We appreciate it so so much. So thank you <3
> 
> Now, we know this is super late, but we wanted to get it up. So, Yay to Ch 2!!! We hope you like it! I don't think there's much in here that needs explaining besides the usual triggers.  
> Nothing more than last chapter, but just keep in mind that Robin will be talking about her experiences with Steven.  
> Additionally, there's a bit of Andrew's trauma in here as well, but its more of how he's feeling, than anything else. 
> 
> And with that, we hope you like chapter 2 :) 
> 
> [Interview Transcript](https://docs.google.com/document/d/10uXCFxkLQ272frdAIXJgj1IabI4e2jDB53D3tPWsyBI/edit?usp=sharing)

Neil stared down at his phone. 

Andrew and Robin’s voices faded to the background - muffled and quiet and there but _not_ as Neil tried to process what he was seeing. 

“I have to take this.”

Were his legs shaking? Could he balance? _One foot in front of the next._ Neil ignored the concerned look Andrew threw his way. 

Somehow, he made it to his office. 

Somehow, he shut and locked the door. 

Somehow, he took a moment to realize Sir had followed him and began weaving in and out of his legs. 

Somehow, he lifted his phone to his ear and 

Somehow, he answered the call. 

He didn’t say anything. 

_‘Nathaniel?’_

~~_Nathaniel_ ~~

He closed his eyes and suddenly his throat was dry. Attempting to swallow, the voice rang through his head and he tried to place how long it’d been since he’d heard it last. He must’ve been a very small child - when _family_ and ‘ _blood is thicker than water,’_ was a thing that mattered above all else. That posh british accent triggered his brain and brought forth much more than just the name of the man behind it. 

It was his mum’s. It was _his_ when he was too tired or distracted to realize. 

“Why the fuck are you calling me?”

A heat began to boil in his stomach. He ground his teeth together and gripped the phone just a bit tighter. Anger was coming in fast, pushing aside any fear or anticipation or trepidation. Suddenly, he knew why _he_ was calling. 

_‘Just listen. Let me expl-’_

“No,” Neil said harshly, and stared out the window. He saw nothing. “I don’t have to let you explain anything. She wouldn’t come to you. I _know_ she refused to hop from one fucked up organization to another-”

 _‘Watch the way you speak about this family, Nathaniel,’_ his uncle said with such rough confidence that probably would’ve been intimidating to anyone else. 

“My name is Neil. Which you know. Because I refuse to believe you haven’t listened to the podcast.” It was a hunch he felt deep in his gut. Neil really hadn’t given his Uncle much thought until right this second. He tried not to. But hearing his voice now, he knew for absolute certain he would’ve been following along. He knew that he listened and he let all the shit that fucking happened to him, happen to him. And the worst part was, he knew that Stuart must’ve been keeping tabs for much longer than just this past year. He had to have known that his mother was dead and that Neil had been in trouble and -

_‘Yes.’_

_Yes. fucking -_

“So, why the fuck are you calling me now? She’s dead. She’s been dead for a long fucking time and it’s just me. And,” he huffed a laugh that would’ve had the power to hurt his chest if he let it, “and I know you don’t give a fuck about the Butcher’s son. So why the _fuck_ are you calling me?”

Neil could hear Stuart sigh through the phone - could hear what sounded like a drag of a cigarette. _‘You’re just like her, you know?’_

Of course he fucking knew. How else was he supposed to be? Like his father?

_If Nathan had more time to mold you with knives, fists, and torture - maybe, Nathaniel._

~~_Nathaniel?_ ~~

_No._

_‘I couldn’t contact you when everything was happening. I thought it was just another bit of Butcher propaganda until I’d heard Minyard found you. Then, yes of course I followed the story. But there was nothing I could do. Not with the feds. They’ve been watching us - keeping an eye on our entire operation and they would’ve known in a heartbeat if any of us had tried to come into the country. It would’ve been ten times worse for you when dealing with the FBI.’_

“Bullshit.” Did he think Neil was supposed to believe that? “You could’ve found a way. Andrew and I almost died because of the Moriyamas. You had to know they were involved and you did fuck all. Lola fucking carved Andrew’s face-” He stopped, panting and

It always started in his fingers. 

Pins and needles, bugs under his skin, numbness pricked from the tips up to his wrists and 

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

He could feel them going numb now, a lightness take hold of his head, and a weakness in his knees. Swallowing hard, he sat heavily on the floor, scooping up Sir before she even got the chance to climb into his lap. Bowing his head into her fur, he breathed deeply. 

_In._

_Out._

_‘Your mother had my contact information. I kept that number for years... just in case she needed me. I know she must’ve passed it on. Why didn’t you use it?’_

If Neil was honest, it just hadn’t occurred to him while on the run. Initially maybe, and then when he lost his contact in New York - feeling like all hope was lost. But any possibility of contacting that side of the family was a last resort and one he didn’t intend to turn to. 

“I wasn’t exactly in a position to think about calling you, _Uncle_. I shouldn’t have had to anyway. It’s not even that I expected you to swoop in and save me. It’s that you’re fucking calling me now that it’s all over like it was nothing - like you couldn’t be bothered when shit was happening.”

 _‘Would you have wanted me to? Do you really think I would’ve risked this family’s livelihood to help you and_ **_not_ ** _drag you back to London? Because I promise you Nathaniel, you wouldn’t be there with your boyfriend if that had happened. You’d be here. With me. Like you should be. Learning the business-’_

“You could’ve tried. But you would’ve failed.”

Neil would die before he let that happen. His father was a goddamn monster and although he knew the Hatfords were less about chopping people up and more about organized crime, he didn’t see how he’d be much better off there anyway. _This_ was where he belonged. 

Here. 

_With Andrew._

Stuart laughed. It was a raspy sound that spoke years of barking orders and too many cigarettes. _‘Just like her,’_ he said with a sigh. _“Listen. You can think what you’d like. I know your mother always did. I’m contacting you now to let you know that I’m here. Everything’s finally died down and I’d love for you to come to the UK. Meet your family. We haven’t seen you since you were barely out of diapers and,’_ another sigh. Another pause. _‘You’re all we have left of Mary...’_

Right. Even though Neil could only remember fuzzy snatches of the last time he’d seen the Hatfords, none of it mattered. He found his family here in Palmetto. That was that. 

“Go fuck yourself.”

He hung up, then promptly blocked the him, all the while wondering how the fuck Stuart had gotten this number in the first place. 

_Probably the same way Lola got Andrew’s._

_Right._

He threw his phone down beside him and lifted his hands from Sir’s soft fur to rub over his face. He dug both palms into his eyes until he saw spots, trying so fucking hard to get the images of his mother and her brother and a burning car out of his mind. His fingers were still numb, but it hadn’t traveled up his arms so that was a good sign, at least. 

Standing, Neil grabbed his phone and made his way out of his office. There was no way he could go back to the studio. Not now. He couldn’t sit with Andrew and Robin and pretend to be helpful. He didn’t want his mood to affect her or Andrew - not when he knew they’d be talking about things that were too hard for anyone to be able to even fathom, and while Neil wanted to be a steady presence for them both, there was no way he could be that in this state. 

He ran into Renee on his way to the roof. Literally. 

“Fuck, sorry,” he mumbled. Renee cocked her head at him, brows furrowed. 

“You okay? Shouldn’t you be with Andrew and Robin?”

“No. Yes. Andrew...” he sighed and waved a vague hand in the direction of the studio. “He’s better at this than I am... I just need some,” that hand moved to gesture towards the ceiling, indicated the roof. “Air.” And with that, he moved around her and made his way out of the studio and up the back stairs. 

* * *

“Neil. Who called you?”

No signs of distress, or fear, or... Andrew worried his lip ring and shook his head, looking as closely to Neil’s face as he could. 

“My Uncle Stuart.”

Andrew’s gaze moved toward the sprawling campus. He was torn between relief that it wasn’t a Moriyama and panic that it was a Hatford instead. 

He didn’t know much about the other side of Neil’s family, but he was pretty good at inferring. Sucking on his teeth, he slowly nodded and asked, “Just calling to chat?” Trying for Neil’s sake not to react. 

“Actually,” Neil murmured. “Yeah... I think.”

Andrew wished he had a cigarette, wished he could dramatically take a pull while he tried to wrap his mind around what a call from _Stuart_ could really mean. Dragging his eyes from campus to Neil, he slowly raised a brow. 

Neil sighed and shook tension out of his fingers, before reaching them out and brushing them against Andrew’s. Slowly, he felt Neil’s pinky wrap around his own, but as Andrew tried to catch his eye, Neil directed his gaze on some far off point beyond the Stadium. “He said he wants me to go to London. See the family.”

Andrew snorted. He couldn’t help it. “See the family, kill some competing mobsters - you know.” He shrugged. “What is it the Hatfords do anyway? Own people like the Moriyamas? Sell drugs? Run guns?”

“You know... I have no idea. We never talked about it... My Mum and I.” Neil’s accent was soft, but it was most certainly there after talking to his Uncle. Not that Andrew minded. He liked when Neil was sleepy and British ~~and calling him Drew.~~

“Hmmm. Well, what’d you tell him? FBI probably wouldn’t be too happy with you skipping over to the Big Smoke.”

“I told him to go fuck himself. Then I blocked his number.”

_Oh._

_Good._

Andrew would probably never admit it, but he was relieved... relieved because there was always a small part of him that worried one day Neil would... Andrew sighed and moved his hand to hold Neil’s properly. “That’ll show him.” 

They were quiet for a few minutes, subconsciously closing the gap between them so that by the time Andrew spoke again, they were shoulder to shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Neil responded, squeezing his hand. “Come on. Let’s go home and you can tell me what I missed with Robin.”

* * *

“These questions are so embarrassing...” Robin mumbled, tapping her pointer finger on the space bar. 

Neil turned his head to watch Robin read the question on the laptop in front of her, biting her lip. Looking over her shoulder, he wanted to make sure they hadn’t accidentally given her an inappropriate one. But, he smiled a little as he read it. 

_Robin, welcome, we love you already?! My question is do you realize how courageous and inspiring you are?_

“You don’t have to answer,” he told her gently. “But I mean... you are a bit inspiring, aren’t you?”

“No,” she insisted, “I’m not. I’m not doing this so people tell me how strong and inspirational I am.” When she turned and looked at him, her eyes were pleading for him to understand. 

He did. 

“We know that,” Andrew offered. “They know, too. Don’t sweat stuff like that. You’ll drive yourself crazy.” He scrolled through when she was done answering to find another suitable question for her. “Here, this is an easy one.”

“What are my pronouns?” Robin read, brows furrowed. “What does that mean? I mean, I know what it means,” she sighed with a gesture, “but why would someone ask that.”

Neil looked to Andrew, who glanced at him briefly. He was going to let Andrew handle this because after all, Neil had done a lot to educate himself since joining the rest of humanity - especially since he wanted to learn more about his own sexuality. But, Andrew would explain this a lot better. 

“So, you identify as a woman and I identify as a man,” Andrew said and Robin nodded. “But, it’s not so black and white for some people. You know what transgender means?”

Robin nodded slowly, “When someone’s born one gender, but feels like another...”

“Right. So, sometimes people change their pronouns to how they feel on the inside. Might not even just be ‘he’ or ‘her’ - some people are fluid, some are nonbinary. Some prefer ‘they’ or ‘them’, others may change their pronouns depending on how they’re feeling. Gender is just a social construct. It doesn’t really exist, so generally if you’re not sure, it’s good form to ask people which pronouns they prefer and respect whatever they request.”

“Ah...” Robin paused, her brows furrowing and eyes squinting. “That seems like it should be obvious? I’m sorry, I know I’ve been so sheltered with my parents. I’d never even thought about any of it until I came here and met so many different kinds of people. It’s made me... think about things.” She turned her head away and Neil moved to sit on the table across from where she and Andrew sat. 

“Well, that’s good,” Neil said, trying for an encouraging tone. “Educating yourself is important.”

Robin hummed almost noncommittally as she set the computer aside and finally looked at them properly. “So, my roommate is really nice and she keeps trying to set me up with one of her friends. Which -” She inhaled a deep breath and Neil quickly glanced to see Andrew’s eyes narrowing. “I’ve met him and he’s nice too and I guess he’s good looking? But...”

“But, you’re not interested,” Andrew ventured and Neil could practically hear the accusations towards Robin’s roommate rattle around Andrew’s head. Neil had to admit that even though he wasn’t exactly the most socially aware person in the world, he could even see an issue with that. Unless her roommate didn’t know her history but - 

Robin shook her head. 

“So, then what’s the problem? There’s absolutely nothing that says you have to have a relationship. Just because you’re here and you may see people around you doing it, that doesn’t mean you have to.” Andrew’s voice grew hard at the end, like he needed Robin to understand that there was absolutely nothing wrong with _her._

“No, I know that. I told her I just wasn’t ready yet. But honestly I just think... I’m not attracted to people like that? I don’t know. What if I’m never attracted to anyone enough to have something? The thought of -” Robin studied a thread at the bottom of her jeans and shrugged. “It just makes me uncomfortable.”

Neil ducked his head to try and catch her eyes. When he caught them, all he saw was that she was so, so _small_ and with eyes so honest and Neil supposed this must have been how Matt felt when taking him in. 

“Before I met Andrew, I wasn’t attracted to anyone either. I tried even... with a couple of girls, just to see. But I wasn’t and you know what? That was fine. When Andrew and I talked about it, he asked if I was asexual and I honestly didn’t really understand what that meant. He encouraged me to do some research, so I did. You should, too.”

“So, you’re asexual?” Robin was confused. “But... Andrew…?”

“Is exceedingly charming, yes,” Andrew said, with a deep sigh.

Neil rolled his eyes and kicked Andrew’s leg. “I’m demisexual, which is on the ace spectrum. Before I met that guy,” he nodded his chin towards Andrew, “I probably would’ve said I was ace. Demi means that I have to have a really close emotional bond with someone to feel...” He glanced towards Andrew, but didn’t really need him for help. “Attraction towards them. As insane as it sounds, yes I have a very deep emotional bond with this asshole.” Neil kicked Andrew’s shin again. When he grimaced, Robin laughed and Neil felt like he’d accomplished something. “But asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have relationships. It doesn’t mean you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life. You can have a partner, you can have attraction, and still be asexual. Or you can have none of those things and still be just as valid.”

“I’ll do some research,” she eventually said, pulling on the thread but looking between the two of them. “I want to be aware of these things. I don’t know why it’s so important to me, but I just want to be able to respect people’s choices-”

“Maybe it’s to understand your own,” Andrew offered and Robin smiled. 

“Maybe...” she nodded. “It just feels important... for some reason.”

“I know,” Andrew said. “I had choices taken from me as a kid, too. Not like you did, but I know what it’s like to feel helpless. It was and is important to me - not only to feel like I have control over myself and what I want, but to be able to respect others, too.”

With one last nod, Robin picked the laptop back up and answered the question. 

* * *

“That’s right you fucking bird...” Andrew mumbled, pulling his turkey out of the oven on Thanksgiving with the feeling of absolute accomplishment. He pulled the tinfoil off and breathed in the smell of garlic and butter and rosemary and

Neil let out a loud laugh. Andrew jumped and nearly threw the foil in his hand. “You’re way too excited about this turkey.”

Andrew crunched the end of the foil, turned, and crossed his arms. 

Thanksgiving this year had been changed from what he thought would just be dinner with Bee and whoever else could make it into town, to a “Found Family” affair. Robin ended up staying in Palmetto due to the fact that no one on the team was especially keen on her going back to New York with her family while the investigation was going on and as she’d been informally adopted by the entire TFN crew, they (meaning Dan) invited her family to join. Which all meant that the location was moved to Abby’s house since she had more space, and the entire crew plus Nicky, Eric, Aaron, Katelyn, Bella, and Baby Dylan would squeeze in. 

And Bee.

Because Andrew refused to spend Thanksgiving without Bee now that he was back in Palmetto. After all, this was the first time he’d been home for Thanksgiving in years, and while he didn’t give a fuck about celebrating a bunch of colonizing assholes, he wanted to be with his family. 

~~And if Andrew was being honest, he was kind of excited.~~

“Listen,” Andrew said, pointing a finger at his _beautiful_ turkey. “I was told I couldn’t bring dessert. Which while ridiculous, is - no. No it’s just fucking ridiculous.” Neil just raised a brow and Andrew barreled on. “ _So_ , if I have to bring something that’s not ice cream, then I’m bringing the fucking turkey. I mean...” He turned back to the stove. “Look at it, Neil. It’s fucking _beautiful_.” Which it was. Andrew spent the previous night preparing and brining the fucking bird, and all morning checking the temperature, setting timers, foil on or off? 

Neil reached to steal a potato and Andrew smacked his hand. Neil rubbed it and pouted, “Ouch... You never call _me_ beautiful, jerk.”

Andrew opened his mouth to argue ~~of course he fucking did~~ , but stopped himself with the words halfway out of his mouth, because didn’t he? He’d thought it enough times to drive himself crazy in the past few months. Though it occurred to him that maybe he’d never actually said it out loud...

“You’re a beautiful idiot,” he concluded, banishing those thoughts because Neil didn’t actually care if Andrew called him beautiful or not, right?

_Right?_

“Come on,” he said, trying to shake the thoughts from inside his head as he tossed the oven mitts onto the island. “I want to go ASAP before it gets cold.”

Neil reached to get the tinfoil from the drawer beside the oven, but Andrew’s mind was niggling and nagging and _I can’t remember ever calling him beautiful. Not before Lola, not after, and, and and and_ \- He moved in front of Neil before he could get the drawer open. Neil stared down at him, waiting with an impatient look at Andrew’s silence. Leaning forward slowly, Andrew pressed a kiss to the spot underneath the edge of Neil’s jaw, lingering to feel the way his pulse fluttered beneath his lips. 

“I really do think you’re beautiful,” he mumbled into his skin. Neil wrapped his arms around Andrew’s neck. 

“Do you also think I’m a jerk?”

“All the time.”

Neil laughed and kissed the scars on Andrew’s cheek. “Just checking.”

Cheek kisses, forehead presses, and subtle touches that meant more than words could describe, were all things Andrew was still trying to get used to. Sometimes, they made him feel vulnerable and vulnerability was something Andrew could scarcely stomach on a good day. But he didn’t want Neil to know that, because boiled down to their essence, those small gestures made him feel protected, needed, wanted, and - 

He didn’t want him to stop. 

Stepping aside, Neil sent him one last smile before grabbing the tinfoil. “This is my first Thanksgiving, you know? I mean, I guess we did it while we were still in Baltimore, but I don’t remember. With Mum being british, she didn’t really see the need to note it as different than any other day.”

“I know,” Andrew replied, and it was another reason why he was glad they were doing it this way, with everyone there. The crew may have adopted Robin, but they adopted Neil first and he wanted him to feel like he was a part of this family. “Lucky for you, your first _real_ Thanksgiving is starring my Turkey - capital T.”

“Oh yes. I am blessed _and_ honored.”

“Damn right.”

-

By the time they made it to Abby’s, everyone had already arrived. Nicky only just got in last night, and Aaron and Katelyn arrived from Chicago this morning, so he hadn’t had the chance to see any of his family yet. How they managed a flight with a four year old and two month old, he had no idea. 

Abby and Wymack’s house was two stories, bigger than Bee’s by a room or two, but still modest and homey. During his teenage and undergraduate years, this place had become a safe haven for Andrew as much as Bee’s had. Nights spent with Aaron and Nicky, watching movies and doing homework as Abby and Bee talked in the kitchen - days spent getting used to Kevin, understanding him and his arrival to Palmetto, then forming an eventual friendship. This place was familiar, it was the same, it was comfortable and a part of Andrew thought it was absolutely surreal bringing Neil here now. 

Upon opening the front door, they were greeted by the smell of food and a chorus of ‘Heeeyyyyy!’. The house was packed with people and it wasn’t even everyone, he thought. The foyer opened to the living room, and Wymack and Kevin were standing with Matt in front of the TV, gesturing excitedly. Neil made a beeline for them with a small brush of fingers to Andrew’s wrist. Andrew shook his head and headed to the kitchen with his gigantic turkey, where he was immediately accosted by Nicky. 

“COUSIN!” he screamed, making Dan and Renee both jump from where they were leaning against the counter, talking to Allison. He ran over like he was going to hug him, but instead took the turkey with an, “Oh fuck that’s heavy...” and set it on the counter. Settling for squeezing Andrew’s arm, he beamed down at him. “How are you? Where’s Neil? Don’t tell me you’ve scared him off already. I liked him... He was adorable in a ‘might stab you’ kinda way.”

Andrew looked back to Nicky from where his eyes had been searching for his best friend and angel of a niece. “Yep,” he said distractedly, “Dumped him and his gorgeous blue eyes.” Rolling his own, he looked up at his cousin. “Don’t be an idiot. He’s probably watching stickball with the rest of the junkies. Where’s Eric?”

Nicky sighed dreamily, “Yeah... those eyes.” He shook himself before Andrew had the chance to grab him by the shirt and shake him himself. “He’s somewhere around here being devastatingly handsome,” he waved an errant hand. “Bella’s in the backyard, since I know she’s the only one you care about.” 

“Wow, that’s extremely unfair. I also care about Dylan.” And with that, Andrew left Nicky, nodded to the girls in what he thought was a more than acceptable greeting as he headed into the living room where the doors to the backyard were wide open. On the way, he passed Neil, who was discussing something or other that Andrew didn’t give a shit about with the other three junkies. Kevin’s girlfriend Brianna sat on the couch with her legs crossed, as if she’d heard this conversation a hundred times before. Andrew caught Neil’s eye for half a second and made sure he rolled his where Neil could see. Neil gave him a crooked smile in return ~~that did not make his chest do weird things~~ and Andrew stepped outside before he could let himself smile back. 

The rest of the crowd was outside, it seemed. Abby had a large screened in back porch that held a long table, already laden with food. Abby and Bee stood next to it with Katelyn - Bee was holding the baby and smiled when she saw him. 

“Hi, Honey. I take it the turkey’s here? We’ve been waiting and Bella is beside herself with starvation.” Andrew smiled because how could he not? Looking down into Bee’s arms with a murmured ‘hello’ to Abby and Katelyn, he took a peek at baby Dylan who looked up at him with wide, blue eyes. When Andrew gave her a smile and another little, ‘hi’, she rewarded him with a gummy grin that made his heart swell. 

And just like that, baby Dylan’s Christmas list doubled. 

He tore his eyes away to address Katelyn, “Where’s Bells?”

Katelyn nodded towards the yard. “Hanging out with her new best friend.”

Andrew tucked his chin and put a hand to his chest. “ _Excuse_ me?”

He turned on his heel and banged the screen door open. Stepping into the yard, he was greeted with the _bastard_ who was currently trying to usurp _his_ position. It was the last person he would’ve guessed. 

Bella and Dion stood side by side in the grass with arms in the air shaped like a V. When Dion lowered his down to his hips, Bella did the same and Andrew snorted when he realized what they were doing. 

Dion was teaching her a fucking cheer - clapping his hands and shaking his hips, Bella mimicking his moves and laughing. Aaron stood nearby with Seth, who had an idiotic grin plastered on his face. Andrew stomped over to stand beside them. 

“Hey,” Aaron said, taking a sip of soda.

“Didn’t know he was a cheerleader, did you?” Seth said breathlessly, not even giving Andrew a chance to answer before continuing. “He showed me some videos of when he was at FAMU...” He slid his gaze to Andrew. “I don’t have to tell you about that flexibility...” His unfocused eyes grew wistful, sliding back to Dion as if against his will. 

“Don’t be gross and don’t say that kind of shit when Neil’s around. Actually,” Andrew corrected himself, “don’t say it at all.” He had no idea about Dion’s ‘flexibility’ and honestly, he was sick of any comments about their short lived ‘fling’ if you could even call it that. He also knew that Seth was just trying to be funny, but he didn’t like being reminded of it when Neil was close by. 

“You right, you right,” Seth sighed, holding his hands up. “Sorry, it was disrespectful. I just like him a lot, I guess.” He shrugged a shoulder. “He’s good with kids... We’re gonna adopt a little girl one day.”

Seth was impulsive, he was rash, but even still Andrew was taken aback. He wondered if they’d actually discussed that or if Seth was just saying whatever flitted through his mind like always. After all, they’d only been dating for like, two fucking seconds - less even than he and Neil, and though it was obvious they clearly shared _something_... still. Andrew was spared thinking about Seth’s love life anymore and in turn, his own, when Bella caught sight of him. 

“Unkie Andrew!” 

Just like that, she abandoned Dion for him, which made him feel marginally better about the fact that she called him And _r_ ew, instead of And _wew_. He scooped her up in his arms and looked at Aaron accusingly. 

“Who told her how to say it correctly? I specifically requested she never pronounce it right. Ever. How dare you?”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Did you really expect her to still be calling you Andwew when she’s in her 20’s? She suddenly started being able to pronounce her _L_ ’s correctly too, last week. Sorry to disappoint.”

Andrew looked to Bella who was grinning at him. “YEELLLLOW!” she said, thinking very hard about about those _L’_ s. “See! Miss Hannah at school helps me everyday and now I can do it!”

Andrew decided he didn’t very much like Miss Hannah and of course, logically he knew Bella would get the hang of those _L_ ’s and _R_ ’s and that one day, she was going to be grown and the running-at-him-with-arms-wide-open days would be over. This was just a step in that direction and Andrew hated it just as much as he was grateful that she was growing and flourishing - loved and safe and happy. 

“Ah, Bells. You got your smarts from me, you know.”

“Definitely not from her parents, who are both physicians and got better grades than you.” Aaron said into his drink, brows raised. 

“You only got better grades because I refused to do homework. I had other things to do.”

“Yes, all that brooding emo energy must have been exhausting.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, then looked to Bella seriously, “It was, Bells. Don’t let him fool you. You come straight to me when you go through your emo phase, understand? Don’t use boxed hair dye without my guidance.”

Bella wrinkled her nose and ignored that remark completely. “Is Unkie Neil here?”

~~_Unkie Neil_ ~~

There goes that thing with his insides again. 

“He’s in the house with Uncle David and Uncle Kevin, but he’s so excited to see you -” Bella was wiggling out of his arms before he could even finish and ran towards the house. Andrew tried to be more happy than jealous, but it wasn’t easy. 

When he turned his attention away from her stomping up the stairs with her light up sandals, Seth was looking at him with something like pride in his eyes. “Unkie Neil, huh? Y’all fuckin’ married, I swear to god, Minyard... I’m so happy for that black soul of yours.” 

Andrew rolled his eyes again. There’d be a lot of that today, he bet. Might as well limber up his optical muscles for the long haul. 

Dion joined them a minute later and Seth leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “I _love_ heeeer!” he told Andrew and Aaron enthusiastically. “She’s so goddamn cute. I am honored to teach her my incredible moves.”

“You know her mom was a cheerleader, right?” Aaron said. 

“I didn’t. But that explains it. She’s a natural. Get her into a tumbling class and she’ll be competing nationally.”

Aaron’s top lip curled just a bit, “Yeah, no thanks. Let’s go eat, we’ve been waiting forever.”

As they re-entered the screened porch, Robin was there with two people he didn’t immediately recognize, but assumed were her parents. He knew they’d come down to spend time with her, since Robin wasn’t going back to New York. Lloyd stood with them and Andrew was unsurprised to see they were positively charmed by him. 

“Robin told us you and Dan walk her back to the dorm if she’s at the studio late. We really appreciate you looking out for her so much,” Robin’s mother said, looking up at Matt with a genuinely grateful expression. She was at least a head taller than Robin’s father with toasted brown skin and hair pulled back into a tight bun at the top of her head. Her arms were crossed, looking as if she were hugging herself while simultaneously holding herself as if she were ready to spring into action if need be. Robin’s father on the other hand looked much more relaxed. He was white with graying hair and while her mother was speaking to Matt, her father had his focus on Robin with an expression of such love that Andrew almost didn’t want to approach. 

He didn’t have much choice in the matter when Robin spotted him and waved him over. “Andrew! Come meet my parents!” Matt looked over his shoulder at Andrew, nodded at her parents, then headed back into the house with a pat to her Mom’s shoulder and a soft smile. Andrew was admittedly glad. He was nervous to meet her parents for some reason...

_Maybe because you’re the one digging up their kid’s life. Putting things in motion they might’ve wanted to leave untouched._

_Or not._

Walking over, he stood shoulder to shoulder to Robin. They were the same height today, as Andrew decided to wear sneakers. But they were almost eye level with her father, who could only be about an inch or two taller than Neil. 

Robin’s mother, on the other hand, pressed her lips tightly together for a moment and Andrew immediately knew she didn’t approve of this entire situation - especially not as her eyes zeroed in on the scars across his face. Scars he was only just starting to get used to and thankfully forget, until he felt their pull and sting with early morning stiffness. Felt their ache after a long day of recording, Neil’s gentle touches when Andrew’s eyes would linger for a second too long in the mirror, or the spread of cream that would never actually do anything but provide a mental reprieve. 

Robin’s father cut in before her mother could say anything and held out his hand. Andrew looked to it, took a deep breath, and rather than force himself to be uncomfortable accepting the handshake, nodded his head and offered an almost-smile. 

“Marshall Cross,” he said, glancing to his daughter. Whatever he saw there must have shattered any offense at Andrew refusing to take his hand. Placing his hand on his wife’s back instead, he continued, “This is my wife, Melissa. We’re so happy to finally meet you.” 

Andrew nodded. “I’m happy to meet you as well. Robin has been a welcome presence in the studio. She brightens up the place.”

Marshall smiled. “She tends to do that.”

“It was you that helped her get into school?” Melissa asked in way of greeting. Andrew couldn’t tell if this was a question or an accusation, but he felt Robin go very still beside him.

_Alright._

Inhaling a deep breath, Andrew nodded again, “Yes. Myself and David Wymack. She’s been doing really well in her classes from what she tells me.”

“We’re concerned about her safety here. What are you doing to make sure she’s protected?”

_Buzz_

Andrew rubbed behind his ear, casting a glance to where Bee was standing not far from them.

 _“Mom,”_ Robin mumbled, shuffling her feet and crossing her arms. 

Andrew wasn’t surprised, not really. He knew they didn’t want her to leave home for school. He supposed he couldn’t really blame them. They loved her and wanted her safe and honestly? That was refreshing. He lived in a world where most of the adults around him had been horrible and most parental experiences were nightmares growing up. 

Except for Bee. 

“Well,” Andrew started, reminding himself to stay polite and not slip into his normal sarcastic, asshole routine. “She’s an adult. She’s free to come and go and make her own decisions here. But,” he said before her mother could cut him off, which he could tell she so desperately wanted to do, “We make sure that when she’s coming and going, that either Neil or I, or Matt and Dan, walk her back to her dorm. We don’t plan on asking her invasive questions for the podcast or sharing anything she isn’t comfortable with, either. I understand you’re concerned,” he tried to reason, “but you should know that I am, too. I would never do anything that knowingly puts her in danger.”

“And unknowingly?” Melissa Cross’s eyes were deep brown, unlike Robin’s who must’ve gotten her lighter coloring from her father. They were warm, but sharp and Andrew felt like they were burning a hole in the middle of his forehead.

“Mom, please stop. I’m an adult. I’m doing what _I_ think is right, and the entire team at the studio has been taking care of me.” She shifted an embarrassed look Andrew’s way. “I’m sorry,” she said. “They just worry after…”

“It’s fine. I’m glad they worry about you. That’s what parents do.” He was proud of her, too - for standing up to her parents. Robin had fire in her and she constantly surprised him with how bright it burned. 

“I think we should go get a drink and then sit,” Marshall put in. “It was nice to meet you, Andrew.” Andrew nodded to them and watched them go back into the house. 

“That was painful,” Robin huffed. “I’m sorry.”

Andrew looked to her, rolled his eyes, and waved her off. “That’s no big deal. They’re concerned parents. It’s reasonable. They haven’t come to drag you back home, so that’s something.”

“Yeah, well. Not for lack of trying.” She gave him a sheepish smile. 

Before Andrew could respond, the rest of the group made their way out to the porch, Nicky carrying the turkey with Eric close behind, who was chatting to Neil in German. Andrew knew Neil could speak but hearing it was something else. While nodding to him in greeting, Andrew raised a brow to Neil who smiled _again_ and this really was getting to be ridiculous. 

_Anyway._

Everyone crowded around the table, laughing and shoving playfully as they made their way to empty seats and Andrew suddenly had the very odd feeling that he was at a very unexpected and noisy family dinner. 

It was... nice. And Andrew _did not_ catch himself smiling again. 

Thankfully, Abby clapped her hands to get everyone’s attention. “Thank you all for taking over our home!” Wymack scowled from beside her, but Abby ignored him. “I’m so happy that Robin and her parents are with us this year. When Andrew told us about the case, about Robin, I think we were all a bit in awe of her bravery.” Robin very determinedly tried to hide behind Andrew, which he could admit wasn’t very effective as he was barely a hair taller than her. “She’s been a joy around the studio and I’m dying to eat the pie she made with Seth.” Seth let out a loud woop from somewhere to Andrew’s right. “Okay, enough,” Abby said, smiling and waving her hand to the table. “Let’s eat!” 

It was like organized chaos. Everyone moved and laughed and chatter was all around. Neil helped Bella make her plate and Andrew decided he liked him a little more that day. He held Dylan for Katelyn so she could eat without a baby attached to her and marveled at how big she’d already gotten since the last time he’d seen her. He made fun of Kevin for bringing roast vegetables with nary a grain of salt, tried Dion’s rice and beans and found them delicious, and overall, ate enough food for three people - plus two of the cupcakes Bella made because they were purple and just for him. 

Day turned to dusk and the last dregs of a warm South Carolinian afternoon melted into cool evening. After dinner, Wymack lit torches in the backyard and Abby turned on the twinkle lights that ran the length of the back porch. Andrew, meanwhile, sat in a chair off to the side, fighting the urge to slouch and rub his stomach as he watched everyone mingle. 

He liked being on the outskirts, observing and looking in. Even now it was sometimes hard feeling like he truly belonged somewhere. It was hard when he felt so ‘other’ sometimes. Bee had been his only true safe space for so long - a person he could go to when he was miserable, sometimes unreasonable, and many times very, very angry. She was still that for him, but

_But._

His eyes tracked Neil as he talked with Robin’s parents. They slid over the burn on his cheek, the matching armbands that Andrew had put on Neil himself that morning - sliding one over tan and scarred skin, and then the other with kisses to his palms once he was done. 

_Soft. I’ve gotten so, so fucking soft._

Neil was another safe space for him and Andrew closed his eyes against the inevitable path his thoughts were about to take. The path he always found himself down because he was him and that meant he was nothing if not self destructive. Honestly, the fact that Neil’s uncle had called to try and get him back to London with his family... it did nothing to help the strange fear that Andrew carried with him even now after everything. It was a fear that all of this was going to implode and Andrew would be left empty when it did. 

_Stop it._

Thankfully, he was forced to put all of _that_ aside when Brianna sat in the chair next to his. 

“Too full to move?” she asked with a heavy sigh. “Me too. I’m glad Kevin likes my curves, because I’m pretty sure I just added a few more.”

Andrew didn’t respond, but he knew Kevin was funny that way. He liked his guys all angles, with a layer of muscle chording arms and legs, but he liked his women like Brianna. She was only a few inches shorter than Kevin and thick in what he imagined would probably be a very comfortable way. She was round in the places where some women tried to make themselves round, and wore it effortlessly, confidently. Which was probably more for the fact that she was a dancer, than anything else. Her light brown skin and curly light brown hair reminded him a bit of Robin, too. They wore it the same way today and he wondered if it was on purpose. He knew Robin had taken a shine to Brianna. 

Even still, Andrew wasn’t overly fond of her. 

He didn’t know why, exactly. He’d liked Marcus, the guy Kevin was dating before her. Andrew could admit that he was somewhat protective over Kevin. He was one of his own, afterall. Abby and Wymack and practically been an Aunt and Uncle to him when he’d moved in with Bee and Kevin, by extension, felt like a cousin. He’d beaten the shit out of those men who laid hands on Nicky and he’d do the same thing for Kevin. Honestly, he thought Marcus felt the same way. 

“Not talking to me?” Brianna asked cheerfully. Andrew looked over to see her smiling widely. “Come on, Andrew. I love Kevin. You love Kevin. Let’s have a meeting of the minds.”

Andrew snorted and took a sip of his drink, just to have something to do. “Don’t come over here talking about love. I’ve eaten enough to fill a large elephant and I don’t think Abby would appreciate me puking all over her porch.”

“Dramatic as ever I see. What’s your deal anyway? I know you liked Marcus, but I’m way better than that asshole.” She crossed her legs and patted her head as if to make sure her hair was in place. 

Andrew shrugged. “Marcus took care of Kevin.”

“And I don’t?”

“Do you?” Andrew really didn’t know. He hadn’t really made a point to be around them. 

“We take care of _each other_ , actually. We’re a partnership. Marcus smothered Kevin and treated him like a broken thing. And,” she turned her head towards him and smirked, “he was shit in bed.”

Andrew raised a brow. “Yeah? Is that was Kevin told you?”

“Kevin didn’t have to tell me.”

Andrew pressed his lips together against the urge to ask Brianna what exactly she meant by _that._ But didn’t.

“Look,” she sighed. “I really don’t give a shit if you like me or not. I don’t like you much either, you moody fuck. But it’s important to Kevin and Kevin is important to me. He deserves to have his family together and happy, don’t you think?”

 _After not having a family at all,_ Andrew finished for her inside his head. Rolling his eyes he turned in his chair to face her. 

“I tolerate you for him. He’s a grown up and can fuck whomever he pleases. I can see you make him happy,” he shrugged, “Fine. Great. As long as that continues, you and I are fine. We don’t have to push it past that.”

Speak of the devil, Kevin chose that moment to appear by Brianna’s side. She looked up at him and smiled. 

“Push what?” he asked, brow furrowed with slight concern.

“The food,” Brianna said. “We’ve both eaten entirely too much and were just discussing whether or not to push it and get dessert.”

“Right...” Kevin said, looking between them suspiciously, but seemingly decided to just play along. “Do you want anything?” he asked her, taking the hand she’d raised to rub against his stomach. “I can get you a plate so you don’t have to get up.”

She kissed the back of his hand. “You’re so nice. I’m fine though, babe. Go hang out with your family before we leave.” He leaned down to give her a kiss and shot Andrew a warning look before he departed. Brianna looked back to Andrew, brow raised as if daring him to comment. 

He just nodded in acknowledgement. Kevin was happy. So they were fine. 

* * *

Neil barely had enough time to spend with Andrew at dinner. He was pulled in so many different directions that he found himself trying to catch his breath. Currently, he was sitting in the living room with Nicky, Eric, and Allison. 

“You’re actually related to Minyard?” Allison asked, for the tenth time. 

“I know, I know. It’s so hard to believe. What with the golden skin of a latino god and all.” Nicky flipped his shoulder length hair and Eric laughed from beside him. 

Allison shook her head. “It’s not even that. You could be purple and I’d take your word for it. It’s just...you’re so nice. And happy. And agreeable.”

“And hot,” Nicky supplied. 

“Andrew’s hot,” Neil said before he could stop himself. Automatically he felt his cheeks heat when everyone’s eyes snapped up to his face. 

“Andrew is aesthetically well formed. That’s all I can give you since he’s my cousin,” Nicky shrugged with a flourish of his hand.

“Minyard’s not bad looking, if you can get past the height issue,” Allison said speculatively.

“His height isn’t an issue... Maybe if you didn’t wear eight inch heels everywhere you wouldn’t notice it so much,” Neil replied.

Nicky gasped with a hand to his chest. “How _dare_ ? You would besmirch the name of Alexander McQueen, right in front of _me_?”

“The race car driver?”

“Good eye!” Allison said to Nicky, wiggling her foot with a very high heel in front of them. “Have you ever thought about modeling? Both of you really,” she said, addressing both Nicky and Eric. “I’m working on my spring line and…”

Neil left before he heard anymore. Somehow, he didn’t think it was one he was necessarily needed for. 

With Andrew in the forefront of his mind, he went in search of him when he was stopped by Matt. 

“I haven’t seen you much tonight. Come talk.” He gestured off to the side and with one last cursory glance for his short, brooding, ~~_beautiful_~~ partner, he followed Matt into the quieter kitchen. The aftermath of dinner and dessert was all over the place with pots and pans wrapped in cling wrap covering the counters. 

Matt leaned his tall frame against the spare space of island, bracing his hands on the edge behind him. “Why haven’t you come to see my new place?”

Neil looked down at his feet, almost uncomfortably. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to because of course he did. He was just... selfishly spending all his time with Andrew and he didn’t want to take him the first time he went to see Matt’s new place in Columbia. After all, they tolerated each other for Neil’s sake, but Neil knew Andrew was jealous of the easy friendship he’d seen when he first came to New York. He also knew that Matt didn’t trust Andrew not to fuck things up for him. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll come soon, I promise. I imagine Dan’s been keeping you company.”

Matt shrugged. “Some. But she has her own place and a job that’s a two hour drive from my apartment.” He sighed. “I wish I could just be here, but there’s no way I’d be able to train in Palmetto. It’s too fucking small.”

“Matt, you moved to be close to Dan. Palmetto is a lot closer than New York.”

“I moved to be close to _you_ , too, you know. I’m worried about you, Neil,” Matt said, concern creeping into the edges of his eyes. “You spend too much time with Andrew. I know it’s still new and this is your first relationship but-”

Suddenly, Neil was incredibly fucking annoyed. “What does that have to do with anything? Do you think I’m too naive to know what’s good for me or something?” Quick and hot anger spiked his veins and Neil forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down. Biting the inside of his lips, he shook his head to clear the thoughts inside of it because he knew that Matt was just concerned. He’d always been a bit of a mother hen when it came to Neil, and while it’s always made him feel happy and cared for, right now it was just really fucking irritating. 

“No, no” Matt sighed, waving a hand. “I just know how it can be when you get into a new relationship. It’s hard to tear yourself away. I’m the same way with Dan, fucking trust me. We just live too far from each other to get to that point.” Speaking that fact out loud seemed to pain Matt, just a bit. His eyes lifted to look around the room as if in search for Dan. “Just...” he mumbled distractedly and when he couldn’t find her, focused back on him. “Make time for yourself, okay? You’re still two different people, even if you feel like one.”

A number of retorts made their way to the tip of Neil’s tongue, but in the end, he just nodded and let Matt wrap him in a hug. Neil turned at the sound of footsteps, to see Andrew stop short at the sight of them. 

“Lloyd,” Andrew said dully. 

“Why are you so immature? How old are you?” Matt snapped, letting go of Neil to turn an annoyed look on Andrew. 

“I’d tell you, but I know how numbers are hard for you jock types.”

“Five, then. You’re five. Should I start insulting you like a five year old?” Matt headed towards where Andrew was blocking the doorway. “Out of my way, butt licker.”

The kitchen was suddenly very quiet and Neil watched as Andrew’s eyes flicked to him, and then back to Matt. He slowly raised a brow and opened his mouth, but before Andrew could make a comment about licking butts, Neil stepped in.

“OKAY BYE MATT NICE TALKING TO YOU!” 

Matt pulled back his lip as if realizing his shitty word choice, but ended up groaning, rolling his eyes, and leaving the kitchen. Which left a very amused looking Andrew staring back at him.

“Spoilsport. That was the perfect opening.” He approached Neil, arms still crossed over his chest.

“The last thing I need is for you to insinuate anything about our sex life to Matt. He already thinks I hang around you too much.” Neil tugged on Andrew’s arms until they dropped to his sides. Andrew tilted his head and looked at Neil with furrowed brows. 

“Hang around me too much? We live together. Are we supposed to have separate bedrooms or something?” He stopped and looked speculative. “That might actually have it’s benefits.” He shook his head. “Why the fuck does he care so much, anyway?”

Neil sighed and wrapped a hand around Andrew’s wrist. “He worries about me, that’s all. I know it’s annoying, but it’s kind of nice having someone worry about me like that after so long - Speaking of which, can we go home? The cats have been alone for hours and I’m at my peak of social interaction.”

Andrew nodded and took his wrist back. “Just let me say bye to Bee and the kids.”

“What about everyone else?”

“Everyone else doesn’t care if I say bye to them.”

Neil joined Andrew in their goodbyes. Dan told them to take Friday off from where she was attached to Matt’s side. Neil could’ve said that they would’ve taken off regardless, but he didn’t. 

Despite Andrew’s words, he said goodbye to Robin and her parents. They were also getting ready to leave, looking exhausted from all the attention and he didn’t blame them. He knew what it was like to be the object of attention in a ‘Foxy Family’ get together. 

Robin’s mother looked between the two of them. She settled on Andrew. “I’m trusting you to keep your word.”

“Good,” was all Andrew gave in response. They then told Robin they’d call her the following week about the interview and finally, Andrew searched for Bella, calling ‘BELLS!’ over everyone’s voices instead of scouring the house for her. 

“UNKIE!” she responded from somewhere in the room, and everyone laughed as Bella bolted her way through where Matt and Dan were talking to Allison and Renee. 

“OUT OF MY WAY, BUTT LICKER!” Bella yelled at the gathered adults, and several people choked on various food and drink. Neil’s hands flew to his mouth in an attempt to smother to laugh threatening to break free, and caught sight of Andrew giving Matt one of _those_ glares. 

“Lloyd, next time you and I are alone, there’s going to be a conversation involving very few words.”

Luckily, Aaron and Katelynn weren’t within hearing distance, and Bee, who had been sitting with Bella, laughed so hard, tears leaked from her eyes.

In one sweep, Andrew picked Bella up and gave her a hug. Neil heard him whisper in her ear that she probably shouldn’t call people ‘butt licker’ - not in front of her parents, anyway. Bella just said ‘okay’ rather cheerfully, then reached for Neil. 

Which... he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised? Bella was a solid weight in his arms before he realized what was even happening. Her hair tickled his nose when she wrapped her arms around his neck for a hug and he hugged her back. In the back of his mind, he thought that he must feel only a fraction of what Andrew felt for this little one... Which meant that Andrew must be more in love than Neil thought. 

-

It was late by the time they made it home. Neil made sure the cats had food and gave them some love, before joining Andrew on the couch where he’d kicked off his shoes and laid with an arm over his eyes. Neil tapped his feet and Andrew lifted them just long enough for Neil to sit down and place them on his lap. 

“So,” Andrew said quietly, removing his arm and repositioning his glasses from atop his head. “How was your first _real_ Thanksgiving?”

“Long. And exhausting. And really, really nice.”

Andrew rubbed a foot against Neil’s lap. 

“Was it?”

“Yes.”

It was. After so long of belonging nowhere and to no one, this entire life change was overwhelming sometimes. In such a short amount of time, his entire world tilted, shifted, lifted into something he never thought he’d be able to have - family. Not like Stuart, calling when it was convenient and leaving him to the wolves when it wasn’t. Not like his mother, who Neil told himself loved him in her own dysfunctional way, but he had begun to wonder, now that he’d been privy to these relationships, whether it was love or obligation and a desperation to stay alive - with her rough hands and sharp nails and even sharper words. 

No. 

This family he chose. 

Closing his eyes, his head fell to the back of the couch and let the warmth wrap around him like a protective shield.

“You’re the saddest sob story I’ve ever heard,” Andrew murmured, rubbing his foot with a bit more intent against his leg, but Neil ignored it. Instead, he shifted on the couch and Andrew shifted with him so that Neil could slide in and they could face each other. 

“You’re pretty sad yourself, you know.”

“Mmmmmm,” Andrew responded, wrapping an arm around Neil’s waist. “Maybe, but I make it look so good.”

Neil sighed and closed his eyes, sticking his face as far into Andrew’s neck as it would go. “I suppose you do.”

* * *

The day Robin came into the studio for her interview, Andrew was quiet. 

He knew he was inside his own head.

He knew Neil was silently concerned. 

But he also knew this was maybe the most important part of this entire season. 

He went over the questions he wanted to ask over and over again, picking them apart and making sure none of them were overly invasive. 

Neil sighed from his seat across from Andrew. “I wish you’d stop that.” When Andrew glanced up, Neil was focused on Sir where she was snuggled in his lap and nuzzling Neil’s hand as he scratched her chin. 

“Stop what?”

“Sucking on your lip ring like that. It’s such an obvious giveaway to your anxiety and also really fucking hot. I don’t like mixing those two.”

Andrew looked back to the tablet and gave Neil the finger. “So don’t look.”

“Ah, if only it were that easy.” Andrew could hear the smile in his voice, but he didn’t look up.

“Knock, knock?” 

Andrew snapped his head up to see Robin standing shyly in the doorway. “Sorry if I’m interrupting! Dan said I should go ahead and come in...”

Neil stood, still holding Sir. “We were just waiting on you. Come in, have a seat.”

When Season 2 started, they’d pulled a third armchair into the studio so Andrew, Neil, and Robin could speak comfortably together. Now, she dropped her bag by it and sat down, pulling one leg beneath her and folding her hands in her lap with a tired smile. 

“How are you?” Andrew asked, observing her closely. This entire interview was going to be hard enough for her. He didn’t want to add any stress she might’ve already been dealing with. 

“Oh, fine,” she shook her head, waving a hand. “Just tired from practice, I guess. But I’m fine. Honestly, ready to get this over with.”

Neil smiled at her as he settled back down. “I know how you feel.”

Andrew was sure he did. He remembered sitting in a hotel room with Neil in Delaware, asking him questions about his father. He remembered running and fireworks and gas station apple pie. Sometimes it was hard to believe that Neil was here at all...

He turned his attention back to Robin. 

“We don’t have to do this today -”

“No, I want to!” she said, shaking her head. “I feel like I’ve been using school and exy and friends to avoid it, so let’s do it.”

“Okay,” Andrew slowly nodded. “Let’s do it.” He signaled to Seth in the booth who had a sandwich halfway to his mouth when he saw Andrew. He took a huge bite before hitting record. 

[ Record On ]

“We’re going to ask you questions, but we’ll try our hardest not to be too invasive, okay? If we ask anything you’re not comfortable answering, just let us know and we’ll move on. No questions asked.”

Robin took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

Andrew sat back in his chair and set his tablet aside for the moleskine, just in case he wanted to write down anything. He took a deep breath, too.

~~Because he needed it.~~

“Can you tell us what you remember of being taken? What happened that day?”

Robin squared her shoulders and clenched her jaw. He saw the exact moment her eyes turned and determination kicked in.

“I was on the playground with my mom. It was the beginning of the school year, and she took me to celebrate my first week of kindergarten. She was in nursing school at the time, so I didn’t get to spend much time with her. I remember being so excited...” She stopped briefly and looked down at her hands. When she continued, her voice may have dropped, but she didn’t lose any of that fire. “I guess my mom turned away for a minute. She got a phone call, took it, and she said when she looked back, I was gone.” She swallowed hard and said, barely a whisper, “It happened so fast.”

Andrew couldn’t find words. Neil spoke instead. “It usually does... It seems that way, at least - with the other girls. There wasn’t anything you or your mother could’ve done to stop it.”

Robin shook her head, brows twitching as they furrowed, “I could’ve screamed. I could’ve ran. I didn’t do any of those things. I went with him willingly. Held his hand and let him lead me to his car.”

_Buzz_

A feeling so deep, so filled with rage and _despair_ , suddenly welled in Andrew’s chest. He cleared his throat to try and keep it at bay. “You were a child.” ~~_I_ _was a child_.~~ “None of this is on you. None of this is on your mother. This is all him.”

He could hear Bee telling him that over and over. Could feel her eyes on him when he admitted that he felt some sort of responsibility for what happened to him - when she was still his therapist and she slowly started cracking his shell and he finally allowed her to see who he really was through all the shattered bits and pieces. 

_‘I could have screamed, Bee. I could have ran. I could have told. But I didn’t.’_

_‘None of this is on you, Andrew.’_

“It’s why my mom is so protective, you know. She blames herself. Always has.”

Andrew jotted in his notebook, mostly for something to do with his hands. _‘Not your fault R.’_

Neil jumped in. “It’s understandable. She loves you. That’s how parents are supposed to be.”

 _Not that either of us would know._

Robin just nodded. “I know... And I know it’s not my fault either, I really do. I just can’t help thinking about what _might_ have been different.” She inhaled another deep breath and straightened her back. “Anyway. Moving on.” Her eyes hardened once more. “I was near the slide, looking at some rocks I found. I used to find shiny ones and collect them. He called out to me from the edge of playground and when I looked up, he had a shiny rock in his hand. He must have seen me looking and knew how to get me... I walked over to to see and I remember being so excited when he handed it to me. He looked nice, too. Clean cut, big smile. Baseball cap pulled low. He asked me if I wanted to see his collection and of course I agreed, thinking how lucky I was.”

_Buzz, buzz, buzz_

She stopped talking, and Neil and Andrew stayed silent. Her eyes went a bit unfocused, staring at the arm of her chair. “He led me to his car and opened the door. By that time, I must’ve been at least 20 feet away from my mom... Maybe more. I think she said I must’ve disappeared behind this big oak and she couldn’t see,” Robin sighed. “Anyway, I looked in to see the rocks, but there was nothing there. He shoved me in and drove away, and that was it.”

 _That was it._

“Do you remember what kind of car it was?” Neil asked quietly. 

“It was dark blue... I was five.” She shrugged. “That’s all I remember.”

The back of his ear was burning and Andrew desperately wanted to scratch it. Instead, he gritted his teeth, nodded, and looked at Seth through the window of the booth. He had a hand on his headphones and the other over his eyes, elbow resting on the mixer in front of him. Idly, Andrew wondered when Dion would be in town again. 

“That’s fine,” Neil carried on. “It’s amazing you remember the color. What was going through your mind when he drove away?” Neil let Sir jump from his lap and into Robins. She wrapped her arms around the chonky cat and squeezed. 

“I thought it was an accident at first. I just kept telling him my mom was at the park. I didn’t understand what was happening. It was only when we pulled into the woods that I realized he took me. I just remember...” She shook whatever was in her head away and closed her eyes, “just remember fear. A lot of fear and confusion. I cried and cried and cried...” She swallowed hard. “He didn’t say a word the whole time I was in that car.”

“Where did he take you?” Andrew asked, drawing X’s over and over and over again.

“A house. I don’t know where it was. We entered through a basement entrance. I didn’t come out again for a long, long time.”

Andrew watched as she crossed her arms over her chest and spotted the muscle clench in her jaw. “Do you need a break?”

Robin shook her head. “No, let’s keep going.”

Andrew didn’t question it. “Okay. Do you remember anything about the house?”

“It was big,” Robin nodded, as if she could see it in the distance. “But I was so small when I first saw it, maybe it just seemed like that. I do remember it being out of the way, because I never saw any houses nearby. I’m sure we were still somewhere in Newark, but I don’t know where - on the outskirts maybe... I remember it being blue, too. Three stories if you count the basement. Nice... New Englandish. Expensive looking.”

Andrew nodded and made a note as he resisted the urge to press his shoulder to his ear. _‘Wealthy?’_

“What about the basement?”

~~_Why is it always the fucking basement_ ~~

“It was like a small house. There was a bedroom and a bathroom and a kitchen, a living room with a TV and a big couch. It was... he had it stocked. Like someone lived there. The bedroom…”

Andrew wanted to ask her if she needed to stop again, wanted to tell her they were done and they’d pick back up another day. 

But he didn’t. 

Despite the _buzz_ . Despite the burn. This _was not_ his trauma. He had no right and he wanted her to feel in control of this - wanted her to say what she felt. Neil stayed quiet, too, taking his cues from Andrew. 

“It was decorated for a kid... For a girl. Stereotypical... Pink with frilly things, dolls and princess dresses. He put me in that room. It locked from the outside, and he left me there screaming and banging on the door.” Robin’s hands fisted on her thighs. 

“For how long?”

“I don’t know... Maybe a day? Time doesn’t really make sense when you’re five.” ~~_I know_ ~~ ~~.~~ “He finally opened the door when I wet myself. I couldn’t hold it anymore.”

_Buzzbuzzbuzzbuzz_

“How kind of him,” Andrew muttered, still keeping a combat sized boot down on his mental walls to try and keep his anger in check. 

Robin huffed a low, unamused laugh. “Yeah, he certainly made me think so. That was how he did it. He would withhold things. The bathroom, food, even sleep. Then he would give it to me with kind words and comfort. To a five year old, he was a savior. Even though I knew, deep down, that he was the one keeping me there.” She wet her lips, cocked her jaw, lifted her head and smiled emptily, sarcastically, mockingly, “He told me no one was coming. He told me my parents didn’t want me anymore, so I had to stay with him because he was the only one who would take care of me.”

“You believed him.” Andrew murmured. It wasn’t a question.

“I was _five_ ,” Robin said again. “I believed him.”

Andrew’s stomach roiled. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from Robin, trying very hard not to lose his lunch. 

He wanted to scream. 

He wanted to rip off his arm bands and scratch the skin from his arms.

~~_Because I believed my Steven, too._ ~~

_Buzzbuzz_

_Please was still something he had a hard time with, now and then_

_Buzzbuzzbuzz_

_“Hey,” Neil interrupted and both eyes opened. “Please?”_

_Something flashed over Andrew’s face. It was there and then gone in less time it took for Neil to see it - recognize it._

_If Andrew noticed the searching look on Neil’s face, he didn’t show it. Instead, he said, “I don’t like that word.”_

_Buzzbuzzbuzzbuzz_

_“Please-” He forced out. He hated that word. He hated it so fucking much but he would say anything right now. He would do anything just to stop Neil’s screams, to stop his pain. He would take it all, it didn’t matter what it fucking was._

_But he knew that wouldn’t work._

_Because_ **_please’s_ ** _never did._

_Buzz... buzz... buzz..._

“Andrew?” Neil was closer, leaning towards Andrew and raising a hand to put it on his shoulder. Andrew flinched back and opened his eyes. Neil removed his hand immediately. 

“Hey. You okay? Do you need to stop?”

Andrew shook his head and looked back to Robin, managing to give her an almost-smile. “I’m sorry. I’m fine, I promise. I just really hate this guy, that’s all. Let’s keep going, if you’re okay.”

Robin looked at him uncertainly. She flicked her eyes to Neil who gave her a short nod, which Andrew was grateful for. He would never forgive Neil if he forced Andrew to shut this down because _he_ couldn’t handle it. Andrew wasn’t the one that went through it. What kind of selfish asshole would he be?

“So, he was earning your trust?” Neil asked, as if there had been no interruption. 

“He was grooming her,” Andrew supplied lowly. “Earning her trust to lower her inhibitions when around him.”

Robin nodded. “I didn’t realize it, of course. It wasn’t until I was in front of a therapist that I could recognize it. And it worked. I thought he saved me. Then when... when the abuse started…”

“Remember,” Andrew interrupted, “you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want. You don’t have to go into detail, either. Only what you’re comfortable with.” He tried to force Bee to quiet down. The burn was still there, but her buzz didn’t fill his head and with a deep breath, he was relatively sure he wasn’t going to puke. He sipped at the water beside his chair. 

“I know, I know.” She rubbed her arms like she was cold. “It was... he... it didn’t start right away. He made sure I trusted him. Made sure I felt like my parents had abandoned me and he was my only option. I thought... I thought I had to or he would abandon me, too.”

“How did that affect your relationship with your parents? You weren’t with them for six years. What was it like when you were reunited?” Andrew asked. Because he wanted to know, but also because he wanted to steer the conversation in a different direction, at least for a moment.

“They were strangers to me. I remembered them, but they weren’t the parents I had in my mind. They were different. It took a while for me to learn to trust them. We did some family therapy sessions and that helped. They told me they were sorry, and that they never stopped looking - that they loved me and nothing would ever change that.” Robin shifted in her seat, her leg from underneath her, up to her chest instead. “It was hard for both of them, but to be honest, I think it was harder for my dad for a while. My mom was in nursing school, like I said, so he took care of me more and we were really close. It was different when I got back.”

“Of course it was. It couldn’t be the same,” Andrew said.

Robin shook her head. “No. It couldn’t. He couldn’t even hug me at first. I flinched every time he tried. It wasn’t as bad with my mom because she’s a woman, but it was really, really hard for my dad. We got there eventually, I think. Anyway, yes it affected our relationship, but it’s okay now. We argue over my being on my own - needing to have some independence. I know it’s because they love me and want to protect me, but I feel like I’ve been caged my entire life.”

“I know that feeling, to an extent,” Neil said, reaching over to scratch Sir’s head from where she’d wedged herself between Robin’s thigh and the chair. “When we were on the run... having to constantly hide and be someone new, it felt like that sometimes. Always keep going. Never look back. Never form relationships or stand out. But I kept myself in that cage, even when my mum died. I kept hiding.”

“Until Andrew yanked you out?” A small smile crept its way onto Robin’s face and Neil? Andrew could kiss him right now, just for that. 

Neil laughed, his smile bright and ~~beautiful~~ ~~,~~ “Until Andrew yanked me out, kicking and screaming, yes.” Andrew pressed his lips together and rolled his eyes. That wasn’t untrue, but he didn’t want to think about his horrific mistakes right then. “So I think it’s really fucking brave of you to want to put yourself out there and take control of your life. Well done, honestly.”

Robin brushed aside the compliment and shrugged. “It doesn’t feel brave. It feels desperate, if I’m being honest.”

“That’s okay, too,” Andrew said. “If that’s what fuels your fire, let it burn.” Andrew’s fuel was anger. It was trying to expose everything he could. It was also repression and in turn, a depression so dark, he sometimes marveled at the fact that he and Bee were even able to drag him out.

~~Sometimes, kicking and screaming.~~

“If you say so.” Robin shrugged. 

“I do.” Andrew shifted again and tapped his purple pen on his notebook. “Do you mind if I shift back to the years you were missing?” Robin shook her head, so Andrew pushed forward ~~, both for him and for her.~~ “Can you tell us what the day to day was like for you, when you were with him?”

He took a deep breath to prepare himself, ground his teeth together once and waited.

“It was... mostly fine, I guess. I don’t mean to diminish the situation. It was terrible and horrific and enough nightmare fuel to last me the rest of my life. But he wasn’t there all the time - sometimes for days at a time. I was alone at five, taking care of myself... Feeding myself and taking a bath and watching the channels on TV he would let me watch. Those days I could almost forget.” She looked wistfully into the middle distance. “The days he was there... I don’t want to talk about the days he was there.”

_Buzz_

“You absolutely don’t have to,” Neil rushed to assure. “ Let’s focus on something else. Are there any other details you can remember?” 

“I think he had people over a lot. I could hear upstairs a little, and sometimes it sounded like a... party? I had to be quiet when I was down there and I could only watch TV if he gave me the remote. It feels ridiculous now, but I never really questioned it. I just did as I was told.”

“You did the right thing,” Andrew said lowly. “You’re probably here because of it. Were there certain times he had people over?”

Robin paused for a moment, brows furrowed. She buried her hand in Sir’s fur and finally nodded. “At night, mostly. I never really knew what the date or day of the week it was. I didn’t even know how old I was when I was found. I mean, I had a general idea, but it’s not like I had birthday parties to mark the occasion.”

Andrew scribbled another note. _‘Dinner parties? Popular person? Person of influence?’_ He looked back to Robin, pulling his chewed up pen from between his teeth.

“I know you mentioned he talked to you about the other girls. Can you tell us a little about that? Did he talk to you about anything else?”

“He had pictures of them,” she said automatically, as if waiting for this moment. That fire burned just a bit brighter as her tone turned rough. “He would pull them out and tell me their names, but only so I could hear the pet name he gave to replace them. He never called me Robin. I think it was a way to further strip us of our identity.”

“Can you tell us what name he called you?” Neil asked. 

~~No~~

“No.”

“Okay.” Neil didn’t even blink. “What did he tell you about the other girls?”

Robin blinked quickly a few times, inhaled a deep breath, and carried on. “That they weren’t with him anymore because they were _bad_ . If I started to get upset or cry for my parents, he would tell me things... Whisper to me about how they died. When I got older and he was worried I would run, he would tell me over and over that I’d end up just like them if I tried. But sometimes, it just seemed like he was reminiscing. It was so _sick_. It was like I was his confidant, and I had to sit there and listen to him talk about how he missed Amira, only he didn’t call her Amira.”

_Buzz buzz buzz_

“You’re right, that _is_ sick,” Andrew murmured. “I understand why you want to help them so much,” he stretched his neck to try and get Bee to go _away._

“He stole everything from them,” Robin gritted out, eyes burning. Sir climbed into her lap, and Robin put her on the floor and shook out her hands, like she needed space. Room to move.

“Do you need a break?” Andrew asked quietly.

“No. Let’s finish this.”

Andrew could see Dan in the booth with Seth now, behind Robin’s head. Her arms were crossed and she was observing with a furrowed brow. 

“Okay. Just let us know if you need to stop. Did he ever tell you anything else? Any personal details?”

Robin chewed her lip for a moment, looking thoughtful and determined. “Not much. He was careful not to say anything. He did mention that he’d been married, but he wasn’t anymore. Talked about how much he hated his wife. That’s it? I think he had a professional job. Sometimes he’d show up in a shirt and tie.”

_‘Divorced. Look up court records? How to narrow down? Local professional or commuter?’_

“I think we’re just about done here.” Andrew looked to Neil and he nodded. “Do you think if we were to get a sketch artist in here you’d be able to describe him? So we can get a picture up?” 

“Probably. But, I’m going to be honest like I promised you, and let you know I need a little time before we do something like that. The thought of seeing his face right now and having to recall it in such detail makes me want to scream.”

~~I know.~~

“Understood,” was all he said. “Take all the time you need, we’re not going anywhere. Is there anything else you want to tell us? Anything you think is important, or that you just want people to know?”

“I think someone knows something,” Robin said immediately. “Someone knows about him or has an inkling of who he is, or even helps him. I don’t know. But I know he hasn’t been doing this for as long as he has without someone seeing something. I don’t know why they wouldn’t say anything, but I wish they would. Maybe they will if they hear the podcast. If they don’t, they’re complicit, and that makes them, in my opinion, just as guilty.”

[ Record Off ]

Neil and Andrew both muttered agreements, and Andrew stood. He signaled for Seth to stop recording. Robin stood too and wrapped her arms around herself. 

“You did an amazing job. Thank you for agreeing to this. I know it can’t be easy.”

Robin just shrugged. “I had to. The others can’t tell people what happened to them. I have to be their voice.”

~~_I have to be their voice_ . ~~

“You don’t have to be anything,” _~~But I do~~ _Neil said, picking Sir up and standing to join them. “But I think it’s okay that you want to be.”

Dan walked in, Seth behind her, with that worried brow completely gone and replaced with a smile.

“Hey, sis.” She greeted Robin with a warm hug, then held her at arms length when she pulled away. “I have an appointment for two for mani/pedis and my friend just cancelled on me. Do you want to save me and join me? You’d be doing me a huge favor.”

“Oh! Um...sure. If it’s not a bother?” 

Dan laughed and Andrew was shocked with how grateful he was for her. “You’re never a bother. And honestly, I’d owe you one. Maybe we can get dinner after? Do you want to just stay at my place tonight?”

“What about Matt?”

“What _about_ Matt? He can be without me for one night. He’s in Columbia training today anyway.”

“Okay,” Robin said. She looked relieved. Andrew looked to Dan and shot her a grateful nod. He had been worried about Robin being alone after this - about her having to go back to her dorm by herself and sit with the memories all night. 

“Great! I’m excited!” She wrapped an arm around Robin’s shoulders and led her out of the studio. “Oh my god, Robin. We’re ordering pizza, too. I’ve been craving it so hard and this is the perfect excuse to stuff my face.”

Andrew heard Robin’s laughter and he felt his chest loosen just a little. 

She would be okay. 

She was strong.

She waved at him and Neil before Dan whisked her away, and he gave her what he hoped was an encouraging smile in return. He could never be sure what his face was doing.

Once she was out of eyesight, he flopped back down into his chair and pulled King from where she was rubbing and spreading white fur against his legs. Neil perched himself on the arm of Andrew’s chair. 

“What’s going on?”

“Hm?” Andrew didn’t look up at him.

“What was that? Something happened there, Andrew. You seemed really upset.”

Andrew scoffed the best scoff he could muster. He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready for this conversation. He needed more time... _I’ll tell him eventually,_ he told himself. But this trauma belonged to him and he’d be damned if he told Neil just because he felt pressured to.

“Of course I was upset,” he diverted. “Weren’t you? We just sat and listened to someone tell us about how a fucking sick and evil man took the girl in front of us and used her body and mind.”

Neil moved from the arm of the chair to the floor in front of him. He sat on his knees and put his hands on Andrew’s thighs. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, Andrew knew. But it didn’t stop him from flinching away.

“Don’t.”

Neil held up his hands were Andrew could see them with something behind his eyes that Andrew didn’t want to acknowledge. “Okay, I won’t touch you. I just want to make sure you’re okay. I’m going to be honest here and tell you I don’t 100% believe that this is only about Robin, but I’ll leave it until you’re ready to talk.”

Andrew finally met Neil’s eyes. “And if I’m never ready?”

Neil’s eyes said ‘I don’t know’, but his lips murmured, “then you’re never ready.”

* * *

A week later, Neil found himself at the studio late Tuesday night. Robin was there and they’d taken to hanging out with her in lounge. No one was really working, except maybe Seth who was putting together what they had so far for the next episode. 

Andrew, meanwhile, was on his laptop doing whatever it was he did, adding to the conversation when he felt it necessary, as Robin pretended to study. She said she liked to do it at the studio because it was comfortable, but Neil thought she probably just liked the company. Plus there was usually someone around that could help her out if she got stuck on something, no judgement.

“So, I did the research we talked about,” she suddenly said, still looking blankly at her math book. 

Andrew looked up and closed his laptop. “Oh yeah?”

Robin nodded and looked up to Neil. “How did you even figure it out? I know you said Andrew encouraged you to look into it and educate yourself. I know I’m aspec, but I have no idea where I fall... The only thing I know is that right now I feel comfortable saying I’m...” She glanced around the room, but whatever was going on in her mind must’ve pushed her on, “sex repulsed.” The words came tumbling out of her mouth and Neil knew it probably took a lot for her to get that out in the open. She stumbled over the word ‘sex’.

“How do you feel about that?” Neil asked. He wanted her to be able to speak as openly as she’d like. Maybe since he was also aspec she’d feel like he could relate.

“At first I was really, really angry. Because I feel like he took it from me. He took so many other things, why that too? I made me feel... not normal.”

Neil felt an argument swelling inside of him. He clenched his jaw and tried to remember Robin was working through this. She wasn’t insulting him or aspec people. She was just trying to understand herself and he’d be lying if he didn’t wonder the same about himself and the way his mother raised him.

“And now?”

“Now I know that’s not true. But I’m still having trouble figuring out where I fit. There are so many different labels out there and I just have this... _need_ to figure it out. To know myself.”

Neil remembered what Andrew said a few weeks ago when this topic first came up.

_'I had choices taken from me as a kid, too. Not like you did, but I know what it’s like to feel helpless. It was and is important to me - not only to feel like I have control over myself and what I want, but to be able to respect others, too.'_

He bit the inside of his lip while Andrew tapped the top of his laptop. “So the internet ended up being more confusing that helpful, is that what you’re saying?” Andrew asked.

“Basically,” Robin shrugged. “I’m probably not looking where I need to.”

Andrew was quiet for a minute, thoughtful, looking to his screen, then Neil, and back to Robin. “You know, it would probably be more helpful for you to talk to people who have been through this process or are going through it now. Maybe it would help you to feel more like you’re part of a community.”

“Can I do that?” Robin asked, voice a bit apprehensive, but excited. “I wouldn’t even know where to go, but I would love to talk to someone else who’s been through it.” She looked to Neil. “I know you have, obviously. But you found Andrew and I feel like it kind of clicked for you.”

Neil shook his head. “You don’t have to explain. I get it. Our situations are different, but I do want you to know I’m here if you want to talk about being ace and how annoying other people can be about it.”

Like Jack the asshole, for example.

Neil rolled his eyes to himself.

Robin laughed, “Sounds good.” She looked back to Andrew. “Do you know who I can talk to?” 

Andrew chewed on his lip ring, but in that way that said he was thinking rather than anxious. There was a very subtle difference, but Neil smiled a little at the fact that he could tell which it was. “I have an idea that might be really insane.” He looked between the two of them. “We have a really diverse base of listeners. I know a high population of them are part of the LGBT community. What if we tried the discord? It hasn’t been as active since the first season ended, but I bet there are a few people around who would be willing to talk to you.”

Robin’s eyes lighted, but then she frowned. “What’s a discord?” 

“It’s a big chat room basically,” Andrew explained. “You can talk to a bunch of people at one time. Red Rabbits has one for people to talk and share theories. It’s a cursed place with one brain cell, but I think they’d be willing to help.”

Neil smirked, “I actually think that’s a great idea.”

“Yeah... yeah let’s do it -” Robin said, then smiled “Oh my gosh, I’m actually nervous? And excited?”

“Good. But, I’m going to monitor this.”

“Monitor what?” Seth asked, emerging from the sound booth. 

“I’m going on the discord!” Robin told him. “I’m going to see if they can help me figure out some things about being ace.”

“Oh, for real? And Daddrew is going to look over your shoulder and make sure no one is mean?”

“He is,” Neil said. “And don’t call him Daddrew. It’s weird.”

Seth was the one to smirk this time as he dropped on the couch beside Andrew, looking over as he logged on to the discord.

“Let me go in first to tell everyone to mind their fucking manners.”

“Or else?” Neil asked.

“Or else.”

Robin laughed quietly and bounced her knee nervously. 

“Seth go get your laptop so we can be on at the same time,” Andrew said with a light, mindless whack to his shoulder with the back of his hand. 

Seth was back and in just a few minutes, they had it set up. Seth propped his laptop in Robin’s lap and after Andrew gave his warning, Robin jumped on. 

“Oh gosh... look how many people want to help,” she murmured. Neil looked over Andrew’s shoulder at his screen to see all the replies. He could hear Robin’s fingers tying tentatively, carefully with a soft _tap tap tap_. “Neil, do you mind if I mention you being demi here?”

Neil shook his head. “I’ve mentioned it on the website before, it’s fine.” He’d had a few people even thank him for speaking publicly about it. 

_Ace/aro people are so underrepresented_ . Which was an interesting thought on his own. He went from not knowing about sexuality, to not giving a fuck about it, to being surrounded by the community and feeling _welcomed_ , _accepted_ , _wanted_ in it. 

“Look at this... This Ezra person just sent a picture with all the flags and definitions. I had no idea there were so many...” Neil looked closely at the picture and found the little demi flag and its definition beside it. He thought it probably would’ve been helpful to have when he was doing his own research. 

“Dope as shit. Next year we should all go to pride,” Seth said brightly. 

“No one wants to see your ass in booty shorts,” Andrew said from behind his computer. 

“Liar. I’ve got a great ass. Ask D-”

“Listen to this,” Robin interrupted, leaving Neil amused. “ _Asexuality and acespec identities that are due to trauma are just as valid as those that aren’t. And if someday things change, you’re always able to change your identity as well. You aren’t stuck being one thing forever if you don’t want to be._ ”

“This is the same Ezra person?” Neil asked. Robin nodded. 

“Someone named Zach just said the same thing, too.” She looked a little lost, but in a good way. Like she couldn’t believe someone was telling her exactly what she needed to hear.

Robin raised her head to look at Andrew, “Thank you for this,” she said quietly. Andrew just nodded, looking back to his laptop screen. Neil could see a small smile trying to break free, but of course Andrew reigned it in.

“What does same hatted mean?” Robin’s nose wrinkled in confusion and Seth laughed out loud, breaking the happy tension that had filled the room. 

Neil sat back and watched as Robin learned that it was okay to maybe not have all the answers right now. It was even okay to have the answer and for it to change later. She and Seth laughed at Andrew being picked on by the listeners, and Andrew finally threw the laptop into Neil’s lap and stood to retreat to his office.

“Where you going?” Neil asked. “Your feelings hurt?” He grinned up at him from where he sat on the couch, and Andrew grabbed his chin and ran his thumb along his bottom lip. 

“No,” he murmured quietly. “They always try to get a reaction out of me. But this is about Robin. So I’m going to go so this can stay about her. Keep an eye on it though. Make sure no one says anything I need to knock heads for.”

“Okay.” Neil squeezed his hand once before letting go. 

Honestly, things had been tense since they did the interview with Robin. Part of it was because he knew there was much more to Andrew’s story than what he told him. He also knew that this season was triggering for him, like Neil expected it would be - but he was desperate to try and ease the pain... To help. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do that if he didn’t know what the issues even were. 

Slowly, over time, Andrew thawed. Neil spent the night of the interview at Matt’s, telling Andrew he was going to watch him practice in Columbia - which, he did. But he could feel Andrew’s need for space and he didn’t want him to have to choose between sleeping on the couch or forcing himself to share a bed with another body when he was in that frame of mind. So, he went to Matt’s and hung out, watched movies, and it was almost like it was when they’d been in New York. It was nice. Familiar. Homey in a different kind of way than it was with Andrew, which wasn’t altogether bad. And when Neil came back home the next day, he spent it with Andrew’s feet in his lap, playing with the cats, and watching Parks and Rec reruns. 

“So we’re not getting matching jackets?” Robin asked. Andrew turned around to face her, and Neil was impressed by the very sad face she mustered up. “How cool would that be though?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “I’ll be in my office.”

Neil smirked and made himself comfortable. He scrolled through the chat, typed a few responses, gave a snarky answer or two. Eventually, Dan came in to get something she’d left in her office, and Robin went with her so Dan could take her to her dorm. It was an unspoken agreement that someone, preferably two someones, walked her to and from her dorm, the stadium, or wherever she was going. 

Once the conversation finally devolved into the most ‘cursed’ (he still didn’t really know what that meant) image he’d ever seen, he decided it was time to go. Leaving it to Seth, he closed the laptop and went to find Andrew to relay the fact that one of the listeners sent them dinner. 

“Someone sent food to the studio,” he said, dropping himself in King’s chair once inside Andrew’s office. “Want to take some home?”

“Mm.” Andrew hummed in agreement, standing from his desk and stretching. Neil tilted his head and watched a small patch of freckled hip reveal itself in the process. “Robin gone?”

Neil looked away with a nod, “Dan took her home.”

They made their way to the car, cats and food in tow with a last reminder to Seth to lock up when he left. 

Once they were cleaned up after eating and ready to crawl into bed, Neil’s phone rang. He looked at it, scowled, hit ignore, and crawled under the blankets. Andrew climbed in after him and molded himself to Neil’s back. 

_Strong. Warm. Home._

“Who are you ignoring?”

He sighed and mumbled, “Stuart.”

“Ah.” Andrew was quiet for a moment. “I thought you blocked his number?”

“I did. He keeps calling from new ones. You’d think he would’ve gotten the hint by now.”

Andrew pressed his forehead to Neil’s shoulder. “You going to ignore him forever?”

“Yes.”

A beat of silence. 

Then, “Okay,” Andrew’s arms wrapped around him tighter and Neil didn’t need to read into it to know _why._ “I’m glad Robin was able to talk to some people tonight. I think it helped.”

Neil agreed. “Me too.”

They were quiet for a long time and Neil knew Andrew had fallen asleep when his breathing evened out. His fingers twitched restlessly against Neil’s skin. 

“But who’s helping you?” he whispered, before closing his eyes.

* * *

_‘But where’s the tree, Unkie? You hafta have a tree. You said you would get one for my ormanent!’_

“Ooooh, Unkie Andrew. You’re in for it now,” Neil sang from the kitchen. Andrew flipped him off where Bella couldn’t see from where he facetimed her. 

“I know, Bells,” he acquiesced. “I just haven’t had time. I have your ornament right here though. Look!” He turned the phone and walked to the kitchen, shoving Neil playfully aside to show her where he’d hung the ornament she’d made him on the fridge. “See, it’s right here.”

Bella looked wholly unimpressed and he internally groaned. _‘No, Unkie. You need a tree_ ,’ she said, very seriously. _‘I need to talk to Unkie Neil._ ’

And with that, Andrew sighed, resigned to his fate. This four year old was the boss of him and he couldn’t even argue against it. He passed the phone over to Neil. 

“Hi, Bella!” Neil said, smiling indulgently at her. Bella was too concerned to return it. 

_‘Why don’t you and Unkie haf a tree? You hafta have a tree at Christmas. It will make him happy. Daddy says Unkie is grumpy.’_

Neil nodded solemnly. “It’s true. Your Uncle Andrew is the grumpiest. And you say a tree will fix that?”

_‘Yes, but it’s almost Christmas you hafta hurry!’_

“We’ll get one today, I promise. We’ll send you a picture of it, okay?”

 _‘Okay!’_ Neil told her bye and handed the phone back to Andrew. _‘I’m gonna go find Daddy and tell him you won’t be grumpy anymore.’_

“Bella, I’m an absolute ray of sunshine all the time. Your Daddy is just sad because I got the good hair, that’s all. But I’ll go get a tree just for you, okay?”

‘ _Kay bye_!’ She ended the call just like that and Andrew shook his head. He loved her so goddamn much, he was already trying to figure out the best place to get a tree this close to Christmas. 

“So, Unk,” Neil said, taking a slow sip of coffee. “Christmas tree shopping on the agenda today?”

Andrew sighed and poured himself a second cup, opening the fridge to get the creamer. “I guess. Hopefully there are some fake ones left somewhere.”

Neil paused and pulled back his chin, “Fake? I thought only stores and shit had fake trees so they wouldn’t make a mess. You can just go buy a fake tree?”

Andrew froze with the creamer halfway out of the fridge. He sometimes forgot how sheltered Neil had been from the real world. Neil just watched him expectantly. 

“Yes, Neil. You can buy fake trees and that’s what _we’re_ getting. Because I refuse to put a real one anywhere near my car. Not yours either,” Andrew said, when Neil opened his mouth. “It may be old but it’s still a beautiful fucking car and I’m not scratching up the paint for a fucking tree I don’t even really want.”

“Alright, damn,” Neil said, setting down his cup and lifting his hands in surrender. “Fake it is, then. I’ve never had a Christmas tree so I’ll defer to you on this one.”

“You’ve never had a tree ever? Not even before you left Baltimore?” Neil sighed and grabbed a banana, peeling it slowly. 

“I mean, we _did_. I think? One. In front of the living room window. But it wasn’t like I was ever able to get close to it. As for presents and shit? Ha. No. We also had decorations on the outside of the house. Probably just so we didn’t stand out without them. It’s fine,” he said at Andrew’s incredulous expression. “I don’t think the lack of Christmas cheer damaged me too much.”

_No. It was your horrible fucking parents._

~~_You’re one to talk._ ~~

He ignored that one. “Come on,” Andrew said, taking his coffee into the bedroom. “Let’s get this over with so I can send a picture to Bella and prove my loyalty.”

* * *

Three hours later, they walked through the front door of their apartment, Andrew carrying the fake tree over his shoulder like it weighed nothing and Neil holding bags of decorations. 

Andrew dropped the box to the floor after awkwardly getting it through the front door. 

Neil stared as Andrew pulled off his hoodie and raised a brow. “Could you lift me like that?” he asked, genuinely curious. After all, he knew how strong Andrew was and had had the pleasure of being moved wherever Andrew wanted him, whether on the bed, the couch, or the floor if they were especially desperate. However this time, he was seriously considering the merits of Andrew being able to lift him like that tree. 

“That tree weighs less than you,” Andrew said, dropping to the floor and pulling a new knife out of an armband to open the box. “But yes, I could. Look at me. I’m fucking ripped.”

Neil burst out laughing and dropped next to him after setting the decorations aside. Once the box was opened, he helped pull out the pieces. 

-

An hour later, they had a respectable, if small, Christmas tree. Andrew insisted on rainbow lights, _because duh_ , and Neil was in obvious agreement. Additionally, they’d gotten some multicolored balls to hang and other random ornaments they’d found, and Neil thought the effect turned out pretty nice. Andrew put Bella’s ornament on last, so that it was front and center. 

“Oh!” Neil remembered, pulling over one of the bags, “I got something for you,” he said, rifling through to find the thing he’d snuck into the cart when Andrew wasn’t looking. 

“You’re supposed to wait until Christmas, Neil. I know you’re new to this, but even _I_ know there are traditions to uphold.”

“Yes, yes, I’m an idiot, blah blah blah. But this isn’t a gift, asshole. I mean... I guess it is but it’s not _the_ gift.”

Andrew only looked at him blankly when Neil pulled a sweater out of a bag and held it up to Andrew, his grin absolutely out of control. A bubble of happiness burst in his chest and spread throughout, making him bite his lip as Andrew looked at the black sweater with a cat in boxing gloves on the front. Flames were shooting out of its mouth and the top had a border of skulls in Santa hats. Andrew pressed his lips together and closed his eyes.

“That is the ugliest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” He held out his hand. “Give it here.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Neil said, stupidly happy as he handed it over and watched him slip it over his head. the sleeves were too long, but it fit perfectly in the shoulders. Neil pulled his own out of the bag and put it on. 

“Oh, jesus fuck. I lied, _that’s_ the ugliest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.” Neil looked up from where he’d been smoothing the sweater down, utterly offended. His sweater had said ‘All I Want For Christmas is Elton John’ with a picture of the singer’s face on the front.

“What?” Neil asked, brows furrowed. “It’s amazing! Are you kidding?!”

Andrew hooked his fingers into Neil’s collar and pulled him close. “I never kid. That thing is obnoxious.”

Neil pouted. “Takes one to know one.”

Andrew kissed him once before turning back to the tree and pushing the too-long-sleeves up on his sweater. “We need something for the top.”

“Hmmm, we didn’t get anything, did we?” Neil looked around for something they could use. His eyes landed on the perfect thing and with a grin, he rushed to grab it.

“Hey-” Andrew said quickly, taking the stuffed cat Neil was holding. “That’s mine,” he mumbled and it was. Which made his chest tighten in pride despite the circumstances surrounding the stuffed animal. It was the one Neil had won at the fourth of July celebration they’d stopped at while in Richmond when they were on the run from Lola. It lived on the couch and Neil had caught Andrew napping snuggled suspiciously close to it more than once. 

Neil snatched it back. “Yes, and now it’s the tree topper.” Neil reached up and almost lost his balance while attempting to reach the top on tiptoes. Andrew snorted from where he’d dropped to the floor to clean up their mess. “You could help you know,” Neil told him. 

Andrew looked up and sighed. “ _Get a tree, he said,”_ but then gestured to his shoulders. “Come on then.”

_What-_

“What?”

“Come on. You want to know if I can lift you and I want _you_ to know that I’m _very_ impressive.” 

Neil bit his lip and made his way over to Andrew. “Are you sure about this? This doesn’t seem safe.”

~~**_“_ ** _This doesn’t seem safe.” Motto of 2019, Neil._ ~~

“Don’t trust me?”

Neil sighed and threw one leg over Andrew’s shoulder. His foot just touched the floor with the way Andrew was crouched, so he used it for balance to throw his other leg over. Andrew started to stand without warning and Neil had to quickly wrap his free arm around Andrew’s head to keep from tipping over.

“Do you mind?” Andrew asked, not even a hint of strain in his voice. 

Neil laughed ~~_giggled_~~ , because he couldn’t fucking do anything else but that. This was absolutely ridiculous and Neil? He was elated. “Sorry,” he said, looking down and righting Andrew’s glasses. “This is insane. Am I heavy?”

“You’re not exactly a sack of feathers, but nothing I can’t handle.” 

“Because you’re _very_ impressive?”

“Because I’m _very_ impressive. Yes. You going to put that thing on top?”

“Oh yeah. I almost forgot at your display of brute strength,” Neil said, running his fingers through Andrew’s hair and smiling down at him. He reached up and placed the stuffed cat so it sat proudly at the top of their tree.

“It’s perfect,” Neil said as Andrew backed them up and turned his head to see it, still gripping Neil’s thighs.

“Yeah, okay. It works,” he admitted, then crouched so Neil could get off his shoulders. Once Neil stood on his own, he shook his shoulders out. “Satisfied I can adequately throw you around if need be?”

“Hmmm, I’m not sure,” Neil said, raising a single brow and looking at him from the corner of his eye. “That wasn’t really throwing me around was it? That was just lifting me up. I’ve seen you at the gym. I’ve got a perfect view of you while I’m running. I know you can lift.”

Andrew crossed his arms over his chest. “Is that a challenge?”

Neil crossed his own. “Maybe.”

Before Neil could so much as blink, Andrew crouched and threw Neil over his shoulder. Neil shrieked, then laughed. “I’m joking!” 

“Mhm,” Andrew hummed, starting for the bedroom. Neil whacked him playfully on the back a few times, laughing and kicking his legs.

He only smiled and gripped onto Andrew’s truly god awful sweater when he threw him down on the bed and crawled over him.

* * *

The Sunday before Christmas, Neil and Andrew stopped at the studio to pick up the notebook Andrew had left in his office. When they walked in, it was to find Seth and Robin, laughing and decorating a giant tree they’d somehow managed to convince an intern to carry up to the office and install in a corner of the lounge. 

“What up, Neildrew?!” Seth called. Robin laughed and dropped an ornament in the process. 

Andrew just rolled his eyes because obviously, _Andreil_ was infinitely better than _Neildrew_ , but he’d never admit to even thinking about that out loud.

Lloyd and Dan were there too, apparently, joining them a moment later from the depths of Dan’s office and looking suspiciously disheveled.

“Neil!” Lloyd called, completely ignoring Andrew. Andrew left to grab his notebook and loiter in his office for as long as he thought it would take for Neil to get whatever socializing he needed out of his system. 

He didn’t wait long enough.

“-place is huge! You could stay there if you want, or a hotel. Whatever works. But it would be awesome to have everyone there for New Years!” Lloyd said.

Neil flicked his eyes to Andrew before looking back to Matt. “I’m not sure I’m ready to go back to New York.”

“Oh, come on!” Seth piped up. “I’m positive I can get D to come. Alli has a place there we can stay at, too.”

Andrew raised a brow at Neil and wondered if he was remembering that, too... Watching the parade from the rooftop, Howl’s Moving Castle late at night - stolen cigarettes and Neil’s pinky, slow and hesitant to wrap itself around his own. 

A text message with a countdown.

_Buzz_

Andrew cracked his pinky and looked away.

“Maybe,” Neil said. “I’ll let you know. When do you leave?”

“Dan and I are flying up tomorrow with Robin. She’s going home for Christmas and we might as well all fly together,” Matt said, smiling over at Robin. Dan stood next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 

“You mean you booked your flights for the time I was planning so you could both keep an eye on me and pay for my ticket?”

Matt just shrugged and smiled. “What can I say? We like your company.”

Robin rolled her eyes, pressed her lips together, and smiled a small smile. “I’m not complaining,” she said softly. “I’ll pay you back for the ticket eventually, but I’m glad my parents didn’t have to try and find the money... I know they don’t have it no matter what they say.” She sighed and turned back to the tree as Dan planted herself at Lloyd’s side. 

Andrew walked past Lloyd, wholly ignoring him again, and made his way to Robin. He picked up a fox ornament from the pile she was working with and went to hang it up as he said, “We’ll probably post the audio notes for your interview around Christmas. Maybe a bit after. Do you want to hear it before we put it up?”

Robin looked down at the little silver bell she was holding. “No... I know what was said.” She looked back up at him. “Are you okay?”

He was surprised by the question, and he was sure it showed on his face. No one but Neil and sometimes Renee ever asked him that. Bee knew to let Andrew come to her when he needed and usually, he always did, if he was really struggling. 

“Why do you ask?”

Robin shrugged and hung the bell next to the fox. “During the interview, you just seemed... I don’t know. Really upset or something. More quiet than I thought you’d be. I’ve been wanting to ask but I didn’t want to pry.”

Andrew studied her profile for a moment. She was determinedly not looking at him. He didn’t know if that was for his sake or her own. 

“I’m fine,” he said finally. “I’m sorry if I seemed upset. You shouldn’t worry about me.” Andrew loathed the thought of most people worrying about him, but he couldn’t bear Robin sparing a thought for his well being. She was the one who had to relive the worst moments of her life. If Andrew was triggered in the process, that was his problem, not hers. 

“I can worry about you if I want to,” Robin said, facing him. She lifted her chin and met his eyes and Andrew kept his face as blank as possible. He shrugged. 

“Sure, I guess you can. Pointless endeavor though. Concentrate on sch-”

“School and exy and friends and blah, blah, blah. Yes, I know. You’ve told me a hundred times. I don’t need another parent, Andrew. I need a friend. Friends talk about things, right?”

Andrew inhaled a deep breath, sighed, and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. He looked over to Neil who was talking to Lloyd, but still glancing their way every once in awhile. “Robin, I’m okay. Seriously. I have Neil living in my house and being nosy at inopportune times. If something was wrong, he’d annoy it out of me eventually.”

Robin let out a huff of a laugh and picked up another ornament. “Fair enough. I’ll be gone for the break, but I’ll catch up with you when I get back, okay?”

With that, Andrew nodded and told her to have a good break. He made his way out to his car without saying bye to anyone else, and trusting Neil would follow when he was ready.

He wished he had a cigarette. 

Neil eventually made his way out about twenty minutes later. Andrew pulled out as soon as he buckled his seatbelt.

_Because -_

Because.

_Buzz._

“So, what do you think?” 

Andrew shook the hum from his mind and fought through the haze of what he was talking about with Robin. Her worrying about him made him feel unnecessarily guilty. She didn’t mean anything by it - she was trying to be nice. She wanted to make sure he was okay. 

But wasn’t _he_ supposed to be doing that for _her_ ? Andrew was Andrew. He was perpetually annoyed, and messed up, and maybe just a bit broken inside. He would always be this way and he would always have triggers and nightmares, and the fact that Robin, who had been through things Andrew couldn’t even imagine and _talking about it_ , was sparing even a thought for how he felt, was absolutely unbearable in that moment. 

“Andrew?”

He looked over to find Neil giving him _that_ look. The look where he knew too much, felt too much, understood too much. “What do I think about what?”

“Going to New York for New Years? Matt invited us. Seth was on the phone with Dion when I left and if he goes, Allison will go. If Allison goes, Renee will go. Do you want to join them? Might be fun.”

Andrew gave a humourless laugh. “Fun for who?”

Neil shrugged and looked out of his window. “Us.”

_Us._

_Buzz_

_Buzz_

“I’m not spending days with everyone we fucking know out of town where I can’t escape. I’m not fucking doing it.”

Neil was quiet for a moment.

And then,

“Okay.”

Andrew deflated. 

That one fucking word just made everything a thousand times worse. 

“You go,” he said impulsively. “I don’t care,” he couldn’t stop. “You don’t need me there sucking the joy out of the room anyway.” He gripped the wheel a little tighter. 

“I don’t want to go without you,” Neil mumbled. 

“Why? It’s like Lloyd said, right? We don’t need to do every fucking thing together. We live together. Go. Have fun. I’ll stay here and work on the case. I have shit to do.”

~~_Andrew._ ~~

Neil didn’t answer. 

They pulled up in front of the apartment and Andrew didn’t bother parking. 

He just stopped in front. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going for a drive,” Andrew murmured and he didn’t know why but he _needed_ to and _and and and,_ “I’ll be back later.”

_Buzz, buzz, buzzbuzzbuzzbuzz_

Neil clenched his jaw, but didn’t say anything. He got out of the car and slammed the door. 

_Buzz._

Andrew didn’t wait for him to walk away. 

He pressed the gas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh ohhhh ^^
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! I think this will go down as the shortest end notes we've ever had lol. 
> 
> Keep up with us on our social medias!!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> Remember that our email is open! foxholenetwork@gmail.com! if you want to become part of this season, we'd love it if you played along and sent us an email. It can be from a witness, a victim of Steven's pre-kidnappings, etc! We hope you all get as involved as you were with season 1!
> 
> Thank you all again!!! Kudos and Comments are always appreciated, and have a very happy New Year!


	3. The Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Growth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one! This feels like the shortest chapter we've written in such a long, long time (with exceptions to Behind the Pod lol) and tbh, we really, really love this one. It's pretty mushy, emotionally charged, and there are some things in here that we dont necessarily think will be harder to read than the last two chapters, but for some it might. 
> 
> So here's our trigger list:  
> Mentions of cutting and Andrew's scars. What's written is based on experience, and that may vary from person to person. Just know this isn't us taking second hand and assuming.  
> Sexual Content - not very explicit, but we didn't cut the scene like we usually do. Its the second to last block, so if you want to skip it, you can just go to the end. We understand and we kept it fairly non-explicit, in the sense that we kept certain words out and made it a bit vague. We know some of you dont like these scenes and we also know some of you do. So we found a middle ground and we'll indicate with an * where you can skip.  
> Anything involving Steven  
> Alcohol usage during New Years Eve  
> A HP reference (under triggers since JK has gone and fucked up again. but we also want to say that the part with Bee was supposed to have Molly vibes as well. We couldn't shake it. It's all we see.)  
> Tooth rotting fluff. It's honestly so cheesy and ridiculous but we HAD TO DO IT. So. deal with it.  
> And lastly, at some point we mention what it would've been like if they were in high school together. 
> 
> I think that's it? Now, we're a bit behind on our timeline. We will be catching up to real time in the next chapter but there is an audio element that we posted on tumblr with this that yall will want to check out!!! As well as a visual of the image Andrew and Neil saw at the end of the chapter. You can find those things here under the same post. [Audio and Photo](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/190112447895/a-message-from-minyard-and-a-call-for-help-we)  
> 

He pressed down on the gas. 

He didn’t look back - didn’t want to see Neil's face in the rearview.

Didn’t want to see the disappointment that must’ve been written all over it. 

Didn’t want to see what he left in the wake of exhaust and stupid, _stupid_ words. 

He pressed harder. 

Felt the engine hum beneath him. He let it fill his head, consume him like white noise. 

Eventually, he turned on the headlights as day bled into night, all the while concentrating on the way the Mas ate up pavement.

Mile after mile after mile. 

_Why am I like his? Why do I do this? He’s here with me. He stayed. He puts up with all my bullshit and this is what I fucking pull? What if he leaves?_

~~_What if he leaves_ _._ ~~

_No, no, no -_

He pulled out his phone, thumb moving on autopilot to open Find My Friends to check Neil’s location. Panic made his stomach flip. Fear had his breath coming in short bursts as he gripped the wheel in one hand and the phone in the other. 

_Still at the apartment..._

Still at the apartment? He threw his phone to the passenger seat, disgusted with himself, ashamed that he was checking on Neil’s _fucking location_ after the stunt _he_ pulled. Who did he think he was? He wasn’t Neil’s fucking gatekeeper. He was his partner and _and and and..._

He shouldn’t be looking at his phone while driving, either. 

Priorities. 

_Compartmentalization_. 

Stupid. 

Using all his current brain power, he loosened his grip on the wheel and started to make his way back home. It had begun to rain and Andrew scoffed to himself with a nod. _Perfect. The weather is miserable, too._

Once he arrived, he made his way to their apartment as slowly as possible, allowing the rain to soak through his thin t-shirt and send spikes of cold throughout his body. Drops splattered on his glasses, blurring his vision and somehow, that felt right, too. 

Neil was nowhere to be seen when he walked through the front door. The only sound he heard were the tinkling bells on Sir and King’s collars as they padded to the door to greet him. He was too distracted, too wound up to bend down and pet them. Instead, his eyes scanned for any sign of Neil. It was dark but for the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, rainbow lights dancing distorted from the water on his glasses. 

He ignored that, too.

Neil wasn’t in the bedroom. It was the first place he looked. The bed was still a mess from this morning - pillows smushed together, practically on top of one another, and the blankets were twisted and tangled. They always were, most nights at least. Neil and Andrew couldn’t help it. Limbs and lips and fingers hooked and thrown over waists and Andrew closed his eyes against the image and knowledge that he wouldn’t be able to allow himself to have that sort of intimacy with any other man. 

_This man._

_Neil._

He didn’t realize the cats had followed him until King meowed, demanding his attention while Sir sat stoically nearby, happy to let King do all the hard work for her. He picked her up, filled their bowls, allowed himself a minute to enjoy the simplicity of a cats _love_ , then made his way to the open balcony door. 

And there he was. Neil stood in front of the railing, the light outside casting a yellowish glow around him that only enflamed the amber of his hair. Shadows fluttered where nighttime bugs flit in front of the bulb, trying to seek the source of light. 

Andrew made his way to his own source. 

He stood behind Neil and wrapped a tentative arm around his waist. Neil didn’t move, flinch, or startle. He knew Andrew was there. He always knew. 

“I’m sorry,” Andrew murmured into the back of Neil’s neck. He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. He wanted the essence of Neil to fill him - to consume his body and mind and chase away the self-destruction that he knew, _knew_ was going to ruin this sooner or later.

It always did. 

_I always do._

Neil didn’t respond, but he did tilt his head to rest against Andrew’s as he let out a deep sigh. 

Andrew looked up, wanting to see if there was that disappointment he expected or that anger - something. Instead, Neil closed his eyes, and Andrew wondered what he was trying not to see. 

* * *

Waffles. Neil could make those. Or he told himself he could. Really, he had little experience with cooking. He could handle ramen noodles, toast, maybe eggs if he was feeling especially fancy in Arizona, and the occasional sandwich when he bothered grocery shopping. Otherwise, the extent of his culinary prowess spanned about as far as an overworked college students’.

That changed once Andrew entered his life. Neil liked making breakfast. He liked making things with his hands and seeing how happy and content it made Andrew. He liked knowing that he was shedding the life he once had for something different, something more, something _normal._

He was quite proud with how it was coming so far as well... nothing burned, at least. The batter was a bit lumpy but it would be drowning in syrup and confection so he doubted Andrew would even notice. It was Christmas morning anyway and Andrew was was still in bed with a pillow over his head, pretending to sleep. Prior to this great waffle experiment, he’d gone for a run, leaving Andrew grumbling about how only people with children were supposed to be up that early on Christmas Day. Neil had just leaned over him, brushed his hair away from his forehead, placed a kiss there and told him, _‘you’re the biggest child of them all.’_

 _Cheek kisses, forehead presses, and subtle touches that meant more than words could describe, were all things_ _Neil_ was slowly beginning to learn _._ He liked knowing he was capable of being gentle. He liked knowing that his father may have passed on a hot temper, but not his sharp hands. He liked knowing he could do something good, something soft, something that was so different than what he was raised with.

_Blood be damned, I will be different._

He slid two waffles onto a big plate and topped it off with whipped cream and red and green sprinkles after drowning them in syrup. He wrinkled his nose at the sickly sweet smell and made his way with the plate and a cup of coffee into the bedroom. Idly he thought of the first time he did this. 

_“Breakfast in bed? You shouldn’t have. Leave the tray and let me eat in peace.”_

Neil smiled to himself, set the plate down on the bedside table, then shooed the cats off the bed and sat beside Andrew to pull the pillow off his head. 

Andrew grumbled and blinked sleep out of his eyes after a moment, sniffing the air. “Syrup..?”

“Waffles,” Neil said, picking up the plate and handing it to Andrew once he sat up against the headboard and shoved his glasses on. 

Neil loved morning Andrew. 

With eyes still heavy and hair a mess, hanging around his face and making him look so, so young - morning Andrew was soft around the edges. His mouth wasn’t set in a tense line and his shoulders were still relaxed at this time of day. It seemed, lately, like he was always wound so tight.

~~Like any moment, he would snap.~~

“Is this my Christmas gift?” Andrew asked around a mouthful of waffles. 

“Yes. I slaved for ten whole minutes on these, so you’re welcome.” It took at least thirty. He had to throw out the first batch, but Andrew didn’t need to know that. 

Andrew waved his fork in thanks and Neil watched his tongue dart out to lick a bit of whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. 

“We have to be at Bee’s in a couple of hours,” Neil said. “Did you wrap her gift?”

“Yep.” Andrew licked the fork to get the last of the syrup and set the plate aside, picking up the coffee and taking a sip. “It’s already in my bag.”

Neil picked up Andrew’s half-finished plate and turned to take it back into the kitchen. Really, that was probably the only way to get him out of bed. Take his sweets. ~~Neil loved? liked that about him.~~ “Cool, now quit being lazy and get up. I don’t want to be late.”

Neil would never admit it, but he was sort of scared of Bee and that meant he was terrified of doing anything to upset her. The Moriyamas? They could go fuck themselves, if it weren’t for keeping Andrew safe. His father? Murderous bastard. Stuart? He could go fuck himself, too. But Bee? She was never unpleasant to him, no - of fucking course not. In fact, she was always kind and interested in what he was doing, but still. She was practically Andrew’s mother, for all intents and purposes. She was a pillar for him, tall and strong, holding him steady and honestly? Neil wouldn’t be able to stand it if she didn’t approve of him. 

When he started caring about shit like that, he didn’t fucking know. 

“It’s just Bee this year,” Andrew said, stretching and scratching his stomach. He ran a hand through his hair, further messing it up and Neil had to bite back his smile. “She won’t be pissed if we’re a few minutes late. Calm down.”

“Yeah well,” Neil rolled his eyes. “The sooner we get to Bee’s, the sooner we can get home and I can give you your present.” Andrew grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like _‘I’ll give_ **_you_ ** _a present,’_ before throwing the blankets off himself. 

Neil went to grab a banana while Andrew showered. He was absently scratching Sir and King simultaneously behind ears and ignoring the fact they were both perched on the counter, when his phone buzzed with a text. It was a picture from Matt of the Lynxes stadium from the rafters. Neil smiled to himself before putting his phone back into his pocket. 

It seemed like forever ago that he sat up there, looking out over the stadium, the lights, and letting himself feel so, so small. It felt like even longer since he’d taken Andrew up there, just because he wanted to share something with him. 

He sighed. They had yet to talk about New Year’s Eve. He still really wanted to go because some part of him wanted to experience everything _normal_ that he could. He wanted to do all the trite stupid things, because they were exactly that - stupid. He knew Andrew probably still didn’t want to go and he could go by himself, of course, but it was just that he wanted to share that with him, too. After all, everyone had someone now and he didn’t like the thought of going and becoming an extra wheel in a sea of couples. 

He tossed the peel to his banana when he heard the door to the bathroom open. They would have to talk about it soon, if Neil was going to get a flight in time. 

* * *

Christmas with Bee was quiet, which made it perfect. Abby and Wymack were with Abby’s family and Kevin was with Brianna’s, so it was just the three of them. Bee made a lunch of homemade enchiladas, and she doted on the cats since they’d (of course) brought them along. 

Neil was still nervous around her. Andrew didn’t really know why. Bee was the most agreeable person he knew. And then he thought that maybe it was because she was a parental figure? He didn’t know, but he was still immensely pleased when Neil pulled out a present without Andrew asking or expecting him to.

“Oh, Neil,” Bee said, holding up the delicate chain for her glasses. “It’s beautiful!”

“I’m glad you like it. I know you already use one, but I thought this one was nice.”

Bee took her glasses from their perch on her nose and changed out the chain she wore so she could hang them around her neck when she wasn’t using them. It was a nice chain, too - tiny gold links with small pearls interspersed throughout. Honestly, Andrew was also impressed with the fact that he’d picked these out on his own. Neil was hopeless when it came to fashion. 

“You trying to one up me?” Andrew asked, eyes narrowed. 

“You got me,” Neil murmured with a roll of his eyes and a smile. 

“Here, Bee.” Andrew reached for his present and handed it to her. “Now open mine so I know I’m still your favorite.”

Bee smiled and patted Andrew on the shoulder with a feather light hand. “I don’t play favorites, honey. You know that.”

“Oh, yeah... For sure. I know, Bee.” Andrew gave her an exaggerated wink and Neil snorted. 

Carefully, Bee opened the present like she didn’t want to ruin the paper. It always drove Andrew crazy. He just wanted to take it and rip it apart, then hand it back to her. The anticipation always killed him but he’d never admit it. Nonetheless, deep down he always worried she’d hate whatever it was -

Probably from years of ornament making at school and having foster parents toss them immediately. He stopped even making them before he was 8.

_Anyway._

When she finally got the box unwrapped and opened, she gave a little gasp. Of course she already knew what it would be and what it was. He got her the same thing every year, yet she always acted like it was the best gift she’d ever gotten. Andrew wasn’t for tradition, but the little crystal figurine held gently in her hand was the exception. This one was of two foxes, one big and one small. It sparkled in the sunlight streaming through the window, and Sir and King tried to catch the lights it threw off that shivered on the floor. 

She reached over to pull Andrew into a hug - one that never made him feel scared or tense or _lesser_ . It was warm and ~~loving and~~ everything Andrew missed from his childhood, but had taken years upon years to be able to even tolerate. “It’s perfect. Thank you,” Bee kept it short, pulling back to give his shoulders a gentle squeeze. 

“You’re welcome.” He stuck his tongue out at Neil. It was good to be the favorite. 

“Okay, okay, you two. Here you go.” Bee handed a gift to each of them. They were both squishy and Andrew gave it a couple of squeezes before looking over at Neil with a grin. Neil, however, was looking down at the gift in his hands, holding it with gentle fingers and furrowed brows - like he was shocked to be getting one at all. Wide eyed, he looked up at Bee. 

“You didn’t have to-”

“None of that,” Bee cut him off. “Go ahead and open them. They’re nothing big, don’t get too excited.”

Paper torn and ripped, Andrew pulled out a yellow and black hand-knit scarf. It was soft and thick, and Andrew ran the material through his fingers a few times before slowly wrapping it around his neck. He looked up just in time to see Neil with a big smile, _the one that put a dimple in his cheek,_ pulling a blue knit cap on his head. It made his eyes seem impossibly bright. 

“Thank you,” Neil said, pushing stray curl into his hat. “I’ve been meaning to get one of these, I just hate shopping for myself.”

Andrew waved one end of his scarf. “You’re the only one who could make me something with the color yellow and guarantee I’d wear it. It’s the best, thank you, Bee.”

“Your very welcome. I had to peek in your room to see what the Hufflepuff colors were, you know. I couldn’t remember.”

Before Andrew could reply, Neil cut in. “Your room is still the same?” 

“Oh, yes,” Bee said, taking a sip of hot chocolate. “I’ve thought about turning one of them into a reading room, but I’d feel terrible when all the boys are here at the same time and one of them didn’t have their room.”

Andrew had to strain not to roll his eyes. As if any of them would begrudge her having her own space, in her own house. 

“I do live here now, Bee. I have my own place.”

“Yes, but for how long? I don’t expect you to stay in South Carolina forever. I want you to have a place when you visit. Besides, with Bella and Dylan, and Nicky and Erik talking about adopting, it’ll be put to good use regardless.”

~~_This family was growing._ ~~

“So... can I see it?” Neil asked, excitement written all over his face. 

“My room? Why? It’s just a room.”

Neil just stared at him. Andrew huffed a sigh and stood. “Fine.”

Neil practically jumped up to follow and Andrew could swear he heard Bee laugh under her breath. 

They made their way down the hall lined with pictures. Some were of Bee’s own family, most he’d never met, but some he had. However they were dominated by ‘the boys’ as she always referred to him, Aaron, and Nicky. High school pictures, graduation - some of all of them in Germany, Nicky and Eric at their wedding looking at each other while they said their vows. Andrew used to hate that picture. It made him feel hopeless in a way he couldn’t quite explain...

Now, it just looked like a really nice picture. 

~~_Ugh. Gross._ ~~

He sped up, taking the stairs two at a time before they were in front of his old bedroom door. Turning to face Neil, he put a hand behind his back to grip the handle. 

“I need you to remember that however emo you think I may be now, this is nothing compared to a very angry sixteen year old me.”

Neil crossed his arms over his chest. “Stop being dramatic and show me.”

Andrew sucked his lip ring into his mouth a few times, watching the way Neil’s eyes followed it, before shrugging. “Fine. But I warned you.”

He opened the door and stepped inside, Neil right behind him. Looking around, a feeling of nostalgia hit him so hard that he had to blink a few times. 

His twin bed was pushed into a corner against a black painted wall. The rest were white and twinkle lights bordered the ceiling like some cringey Tumblr teen. Old posters of Andrew’s favorite bands littered the walls - My Chemical Romance, Dashboard Confessional, Bayside... the Hufflepuff one that Bee must’ve looked at. A fondness at how _normal_ the room seemed filled his chest as he picked up a pillow shaped like Gir from Invader Zim, then rubbed a hand over his purple fleece blanket. 

Turning his head, Andrew caught Neil studying the desk pushed in front of the window. It was tiny, but Andrew had spent so much time there through the years. Idly, he thought that he shouldn’t have been in such a hurry to leave, to go away to college and... at the time, Andrew just wanted freedom. He wanted to be able to come and go at whatever hours he pleased, with whatever guy he’d managed to pull from Eden’s that night. 

He’d imagined life as much more exciting than it actually turned out to be. 

_Running from hit men, fighting for your life, involving the FBI, making deals with the Yakuza, finding_ **_him_ ** _, aren’t enough?_

_Shut up._

“So,” Neil said, sitting down in the chair and running a hand over the smooth wood of the desk. “This was where teenage Andrew wrote all the things that lead to a career in journalism.”

Andrew shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “I guess. I wrote a lot, but most of it was nonsense. There are probably some journals still in the drawer.”

Neil leaned down and opened the biggest drawer at the bottom. He pulled out a couple of composition notebooks that Andrew recognized. He thought it made him look serious to be carrying them around, for some reason. 

Neil flipped one open at random. “ _I’m going to tell Bee I’m gay_ ,” he picked a spot and read. “ _I don’t know what she’ll say but since Aaron caught me with my hand in Brent Moody’s pants, I feel like I should. I want to, though. I want her to know me and that’s really fucking scary._ ”

Neil looked up at him, looking like he was ready to burst. “Brent Moody, huh? Lucky guy.”

“Brent Moody was an asshole jock I had a hard on for. He just wanted someone to touch his dick.” Andrew shrugged and stood. That was probably all he could stand of hearing that. Neil flipped more pages and stopped, eyebrows furrowed. 

“What’s this?”

Andrew looked down at the notebook to two full pages filled with X’s. Written over and over and over again, some he traced a hundred times until the paper was at risk of tearing. Andrew snatched the book and threw it back into the drawer, shutting it with his foot. 

“It’s the letter X genius. Have you seen enough?” 

Neil didn’t push, because he never pushed. He stood and looked around. 

“No, I don’t think so.” He flopped down on Andrew’s bed. “We haven’t made out on your bed yet.”

Andrew spluttered. “What? Why would we do that?”

“Because you liked my eyes when you were thirteen and you still thought about them when you were sixteen. What do you think old Andrew would say if he’d known you could have had me on this bed and you didn’t take advantage of it?” 

“I’m not going to fuck you in my... in Bee’s house.”

Neil looked genuinely confused. “I said make out, not fuck. Wow, past Andrew. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

Andrew just stared at him for a second. Why did his brain even provide the word fuck? He and Neil hadn’t... they weren’t…

“Come on. Just come sit next to me.” Neil patted the bed and Andrew rolled his eyes before sinking down on the fleece. He turned to look at Neil, and watched as Neil leaned forward, a small smile on his lips. 

“I have to get home before dinner,” he said quietly, close enough that Andrew could feel his breath on his lips. “My mom will kill me if I’m late.”

“It’s hours until dinner,” Andrew said. He leaned closer, closing the gap between them. “Can I kiss you, Neil Josten?” he whispered.

”To think, I just wanted help with my english project.”

“Is that a no?”

“It’s always yes with you.”

And then, they were kissing. Thigh to thigh, hands in their laps - Andrew wondered if this was what it would’ve been like. 

_What if I could have had Neil, all those years ago?_

Neil shifted his body enough to place a hand on Andrew’s face and Andrew’s had crept under the hem of Neil’s shirt to feel warm skin when someone cleared their throat. 

“Ahem.”

_Fuck_

They jumped apart as if they’d been electrocuted. He could feel how red his face must’ve been by the heat creeping down his neck. 

~~_Would it have been like this?_ ~~

“So sorry to interrupt,” Bee said with an amused smile, “but I was just wanting to see if you’d like to take these leftovers home.”

“Sure -,” Andrew mumbled, trying to get his bearings and wondering why he was so embarrassed. They were only kissing. He was twenty-seven years old for fuck’s sake. 

He looked to Neil once Bee left back down the hall to find him already staring, eyes wide and horrified.

“Oh my god... I was just kidding, but I feel like a teenager that just got caught making out with his boyfriend.” 

Andrew stood up from the bed and pulled Neil by the hand. “You have the worst ideas.”

But not really.

* * *

Neil walked into the apartment first when they got back, and let Sir jump down from his arms before pulling the hat Bee made him from his head. He threw it to the counter, then made his way directly to the tree and sat in front of it immediately. He turned his head over his shoulder and raised a brow at Andrew expectantly. 

“Who’s the child now?” Andrew asked with a snort. 

“Me! Come open your present.”

_Normal. This is normal. Can become tradition. ~~Mum, if you could see me now -~~ _

_She’d rip my hair out._

Andrew laughed and Neil thought the look he gave him was almost fond. He’d take it. 

Throwing his keys in the bowl by the door and unwrapping his scarf from his neck, Andrew hung it on one of the coat racks nearby. Then, as if taking his sweet ass time, he dropped down onto the couch and unlaced his boots, kicking them off one by one to reveal his patterned socks with cats all over them. It was only when Neil groaned impatiently, that Andrew smirked and finally slid to the floor beside him. 

“Cats first,” Andrew said, like it was obvious. He pulled out the two bags of gifts they’d gotten for Sir and King, and jiggled them so they made noise for the cats to come and investigate. Both came pattering in with bells tinkling on their collars in their wake. King gave a soft _mrrp,_ while Sir brushed along Neil on her way to the bag. With that soft, almost-fond smile again, Andrew tipped the bags onto their sides in front of each cat and the both of them watched as Sir and King tried to climb in, pulling toys out, and trying to break into the treats. 

While the cats were occupied, Neil tore his eyes away and looked to Andrew. “Okay, let me give you yours before I burst,” Neil said. Honestly, he’d been thinking about what to get Andrew for months. This was his first real Christmas, and it felt right that it was small like this. Just him and Andrew and the cats. It felt warm and safe and _right_. 

Reaching over, Neil grabbed the gift out from where he’d half hidden it behind the tree and handed it to Andrew who weighed it in his hands for a few seconds, before looking up with a raised brow. “Did you get me a book? I’m intrigued.”

Neil bit his lip, trying to keep his grin under control. “Just open it already.”

Andrew gave him that signature eye roll, then ripped the paper off in one smooth motion. He flipped the book over to see the front, then froze. Neil’s insides stuttered and for a moment, he panicked. 

_Did I pick the wrong thing? Does he hate it? Does he think I’m pressuring him?_

Andrew ran an almost reverent finger over the embossed cover. 

“ _The Death and Life of Andrew J. Minyard_ ,” he read, quietly. Still running his fingers over the thick leather cover, he asked, “What is this?” 

Neil inhaled a deep breath. “It’s a journal. For your story. I know you’re always writing, and this is for your journey... or whatever else you want it for, I guess. But I was serious when I said you should write a book. How far you’ve come is important, Andrew. People are always asking for your advice and thanking you for being so open about some of the things you went through. I think it might be cathartic for you to get it down and I honestly think it’d help a lot if people realize things can get better, even when it seems like they never will.”

Andrew looked back down at the book. He opened it and fanned the pages, bringing it close to his nose so he could smell them like he always did when he was shopping for books.

“How’s it smell?” Neil asked. 

“Like paper.”

“Just as I planned, then.”

“Why the _Death and Life_?” Andrew asked. 

Neil rubbed the back of his neck. At the time, he’d tried to think of what to put there, and this had just felt... right? Now, he wondered if it was all wrong. “Because... you didn’t really get to live before, did you? It was like a tiny death. But now you’re living. Now, you have a life and freedom to do whatever you want. See?”

Andrew stared at him for a long moment and Neil’s heart pounded in his ears. Then, he slowly nodded, lowering his gaze back to the book. “I see,” he murmured, then rose to his knees and wrapped a warm hand around Neil’s neck. He gave him a firm kiss on the mouth, before sitting back down. “Thank you.”

~~_Anything, for you._ ~~

Neil let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding because he hadn’t realized how nervous he’d been about Andrew’s gift until it was in his hands.

“Okay,” Andrew said, “Yours isn’t as good.”

Neil barked a laugh and it broke apart the tension bundled inside. “Stop it and gimme.”

Reaching under the tree. Andrew pulled out two wrapped boxes. Handing one to Neil, he wasted no time in getting it out of the paper. 

It was a pair of AirPods. 

Just like Andrew’s.

“What the fuck...? These are really expensive.” Neil knew because he’d been looking at them for the past couple of months, not being able to bring himself to commit and just buy them. Even still, spending money on what would’ve been seen as frivolous items in his mother’s eyes was hard. It’d been how many fucking years and she still haunted him so heavily. 

At least her voice didn’t invade his every thought any longer. 

_No. Just Andrew’s._

“Which is why I know you wouldn’t buy them for yourself. You’ve been wanting them for weeks and now you can stop swiping mine.” He ran fingers over the second present while he talked. 

“Well, thank you. This is exactly what I would’ve asked for.” Before he could lean in for another kiss, Andrew handed him the second box. Rolling his eyes but unable to wipe his smile off his face, Neil opened the second present to find a giftcard-like box. He glanced up at Andrew with a smirk and a raised brow, before opening it. A comment was already on his lips, but as soon as he looked down and lifted the lid, he completely forgot what he was about to say. 

Looking inside, he paused. “A PSU student parking pass..?” he asked, confused. “Andrew, what-”

“Just hear me out,” Andrew interrupted. “Every time we’re up on the tower roof, you look across campus like it’s a fucking fruit salad or something.” Neil snorted. “And you’re always talking about wanting to go to school and how you never got the chance. Well, I talked to Wymack and he can guarantee you a communications scholarship. Even if that’s not what you want to major in, he said we can figure it out. All you have to do is apply.”

Neil opened and closed his mouth a few times, staring down at the pass. It was a small sticker, the kind that goes on a windshield with a Fox Paw on it with PSU in the middle. He looked back to Andrew who was watching him warily. 

“I know it’s not a proper present but-”

“Shut up,” Neil said. “It’s fucking amazing. Honestly, I just… thank you. This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten in my life.”

Neil pulled Andrew close, and it turned out the rainbow lights did amazing things to the pale contours of Andrew’s body.

* * *

It was dark. Andrew couldn’t sleep. The couch was comfortable. He sunk into its cushions, and stared at the tree, it’s lights having gone out an hour ago, and the sparkling ornaments that only twinkled from the moon filtering in through the glass balcony door.

His mind wasn’t racing tonight. It wasn’t a tangle of thoughts and worries and anger, like it sometimes was. Tonight, it was one thought that kept him from sleep.

_“It was like a tiny death. Now, you’re living.”_

Andrew stared down at the journal in his lap. His knees were pulled up on the couch and he had a cup of decaf coffee clutched in his hands with the sleeves of oversized sweater pulled over them. They soaked in the heat from the cup. 

He looked up at the tree and took a sip. 

He didn’t want to write his story down. 

_Do I?_

Did he really need to put all of his trauma and hurt into coherent words?

He wrote a lot as a teen. It was one of the things Bee encouraged him to do when she found out he liked writing. However, none of what he wrote ever made any real sense and _this_ wouldn’t be any help except maybe to himself.

~~_Isn’t that reason enough to do it?_ ~~

He tried to think about how he would have felt if someone had written a book about the things he went through. _Someone probably already had_. 

Would it have helped, anyway? To read about a man who had been abused by men, and grown up gay? Would it have made him feel like there was nothing wrong with him? Like just because of the circumstances of his childhood, he wasn’t fucked up or wrong for being the way he was?

He understood it now, of course. Correlation does not equal causation. But would it have helped him to realize that sooner?

He didn’t really know. But he thought, maybe. Maybe it would’ve helped. Maybe it _could_ help someone else. 

_I can barely help myself._

His family didn’t know most of what he’d been through. Neil didn’t either. He knew about Drake, of course - but he didn’t even really understand the extent of the horror. He didn’t think he knew about the others.

_He still doesn’t know about Steven._

Andrew tipped his head back on the couch. Would he have to confess to all of this, if he really decided to put it on paper? He wasn’t ready for that. He would probably never be ready for that. 

_I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do._

Logically, he knew that. But _still._

This gift was amazing. And presumptuous. Why was Neil pushing for this, anyway? He’d said before that it wasn’t something he was interested in. Now he gives Andrew this - like he didn’t have an opinion? _~~Don’t blame this on Neil.~~ _Like it wouldn’t be traumatizing to have to sit down and bring forth memories and details he could never forget, but kept locked away in a box that only sometimes opened in the deepest, darkest part of his nightmares?

_Like you’re doing to Robin?_

Andrew clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. Robin had a choice. Just like he had a choice. 

“Hey.”

Andrew startled, almost spilling hot coffee on himself. Neil had snuck up on him, pajama clad and feet bare and eyes too aware in the dim light. 

“You okay?”

Andrew just nodded, because what could he say? Neil sat beside him on the couch, and rubbed a hand over one of his feet. “Was it a nightmare?”

Andrew forced himself not to snap at him. 

“No. Just not tired I guess,” he mumbled. 

Neil nodded, picking at his sock. “So…” he inhaled a deep breath, pressed his lips together for a moment and Andrew felt his stomach tighten. _So... what?_ “I need to buy my plane ticket tomorrow.”

“Plane ticket?”

“For New York.”

_Oh._

Andrew didn’t respond. Of course. For _New York_ . For _New Year’s Eve_. Neil hadn’t mentioned it since that day, so Andrew sort of assumed he wasn’t going. 

“I didn’t realize you’d decided to go.”

“Why? Because you won’t be with me? I’m capable of traveling on my own you know.” Neil smiled like he was joking, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It rang false so loud, Andrew wanted to cover his ears. 

“You sure about that?”

Neil’s smile dropped and he looked away. “I’d still like for you to come.”

“No.”

“Okay. I’m going to buy a ticket in the morning. I’ll leave New Years Eve and be gone a few days. I’ll let you know the details.”

“Fine.” Andrew didn’t look at him. Neil sighed and got up, stopping at the door to the bedroom. 

“Goodnight, Andrew.”

Andrew considered not answering, but the part of him that needed Neil forced his hand. 

“Goodnight.”

* * *

The weekend was spent going over case notes and listening to Robin’s interview. 

Andrew had his moleskine open in front of them on the coffee table. He pointed to a note he’d written. 

“Based on Robin’s description of the house, I think we can assume he’s wealthy. Or well off, at least. Houses like that aren’t cheap.”

Neil nodded. He liked when Andrew had his investigator hat on. It gave him a little thrill to watch him try to puzzle things together. 

“That’s true. But what if it’s not his house?”

Andrew raised a brow. “He kept little girls in a house that didn’t belong to him, some for years at a time?” 

“Okay yeah, that sounds ridiculous. But I just meant it could be a house that was left to him. By his parents or grandparents maybe. It could’ve been bought for super cheap in foreclosure or something. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s loaded.”

Andrew nodded, conceding the point. “Still, upkeep alone on a house like that points to a steady income, and renovating the basement? I still think he’s rich. Maybe we can pull records on some of the nice older houses in the area and see if Robin recognizes any of them... That’ll at least give us a possible name.”

Neil shook his head. He knew how evil worked. “I would honestly be shocked if the house was in his name. My father had our house in Baltimore under his name, but any other place he did business, he had under aliases. He had safe houses across the country, and the feds could never find them partly because they were under fake names.”

Andrew rubbed his chin, the short stubble there making a scraping sound. “You’re probably right. But a fake name is better than no name, I think.”

“A fake name is the same as having no name.”

Andrew sighed. “What about what Robin said? About dressing professionally? The dinner parties? Could be well known in the community.”

“Hiding in plain sight. Sounds familiar. However, if that’s the case, we have to be careful.”

“Why’s that?” Andrew asked, flipping a page in his notebook. 

“Guys like that always have ties to the community that make them depend on them. Nathan invested in small businesses all over Baltimore. Rarely told anyone no. It kept his funds out of the hands of the feds and it made him beloved, even to people who suspected him. There were people actually disappointed when he got caught.”

Andrew scoffed. “This is what happens when communities are so neglected and ignored that they have to depend on the kindness of criminals to take care of them. Don’t even get me started on inner city-”

“What’s this?” Neil cut him off before he could really get going. He’d be on it for hours if Neil let him. 

Andrew looked down to where Neil was pointing at the X’s he’d drawn on the paper while Robin was talking. He looked up at Neil and said nothing. Neil just raised a brow. 

“These were in the notebooks in your room at Bee’s. I’m just wondering what it means.” 

_And I know you haven’t been talking to me about whatever your problem is, so please just fucking give me this._

Andrew took a deep breath and Neil could see the weight of ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ behind his eyes. Eventually, “I draw them when I feel anxious. When I’ve got a lot going on in my head and it’s gotten all fucked up.”

“Why?”

Andrew rubbed behind his ear, clearly uncomfortable. Neil debated letting him have this to himself, letting him keep whatever _it_ was, private. But before Neil could concede, Andrew finally dropped his arm and slowly pulled off one of his arm bands. Neil knew what was there, of course. He’d rubbed those scars and kissed those scars ~~and loved those scars~~. Andrew held out his arm, and Neil stared at it, confused. 

And then he saw it. 

_How had I missed it... all those times...?_ Neil had no idea. However, when he looked close enough, he could see it. The scars that marred the pale skin of Andrew’s forearm were in the pattern of X’s. Over and over _and over and over and over..._ Neil gently touched Andrew’s arm and made a small ‘ _oh’_ sound. It came out weak, even to him. 

“You really never noticed?”

Neil shook his head. “I just… I don’t know. I saw the scars but never the pattern. Why X’s?”

He didn’t know if that question was too much. Was he digging? Was he stepping over a line? Was he triggering Andrew, or - no. Andrew would tell him if he was, right?

Andrew just shrugged then pulled his band back on. He’d taken to wearing them around the house more than usual, and Neil tried not to think about what that meant. 

“I don’t really know. I think I probably felt like I was... cancelling myself or something. Like drawing a giant X on myself, if that makes sense.”

~~It wasn’t really a question.~~

“Yeah,” Neil said. “That makes sense.”

* * *

Neil woke up stupid early, even for him, on the morning of New Year’s eve. His flight was just hours away, so he’d have plenty of time to spend with everyone before the countdown. Sitting up in bed, he looked over Andrew who was curled on his side with his back facing Neil. Sighing, he rubbed his face, then got out as quietly as possible. The least he could do was make sure Andrew had as much sleep as he could before he said goodbye. 

Changing his clothes, Neil double checked that he had everything he needed in his bag, made a cup of coffee to go, then left the pot on so Andrew would have some warm when he dragged himself from bed. 

Andrew was in the same position when he made it back to the room. Neil waited by the end of the bed to see if he would turn around... Alas, he was still as ever and as Neil sighed once more and made his way to Andrew’s side, his eyes were open. 

“I have to go,” Neil murmured quietly.

“Okay.”

_Okay._

Crouching by Andrew’s head, Neil gave him a long kiss, taking a moment to rub his thumb over morning-dry lips, before standing straight. He was at least glad Andrew hadn’t pushed him away. 

“I’ll text you when I land.”

Andrew didn’t respond. 

_Okay._

Neil left the apartment when his Uber arrived. 

Once they were on their way, he thought twice about making the driver turn around, just so he could demand Andrew tell him what his problem was. 

But he didn’t. Because that wouldn’t be helpful to anyone. 

~~And he already knew.~~

Instead he sat quietly in the backseat, watching the morning sun slowly chase away the dull gray. 

He sat patiently, waiting to board the plane. 

He sat patiently, waiting for take off - the AirPods that Andrew had gotten him for Christmas in his ears, and the Red Rabbits playlist Seth had put together playing on high. 

Africa had been the first song. Of course. And as the plane lifted into the sky and carried him further and further away from South Carolina, he couldn’t help but feel like it was taking him further away from Andrew. It felt like the chasm between them only grew and grew _and grew and grew and grew -_

_‘It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you_

_There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do’_

* * *

He was cocooned. That was the best way to describe _this_. Andrew stayed cocooned in the half-empty bed until the cats finally told him to quit being pathetic and get them some food. When he finally heaved himself up, the afternoon sun shone in his face and he decided he’d rather not find a hairball in his shoe. 

Once in the kitchen, he realized that Neil had left the coffee machine on and as a result, the burnt smell made Andrew wrinkle his nose. Neil had been stupidly optimistic. _Doesn’t he know me?_ He had hoped that Andrew would be up hours ago. 

_Yeah. Well._

He flipped the switch and dumped the pot, starting a fresh one. 

Earlier, he’d gotten a text from Neil saying he’d made it to New York. Andrew didn’t respond ~~_because I’m an asshole._ ~~He was glad Neil made it safe. He was glad he was there, having a good time with friends and finally living his life. 

Even if it was without Andrew. 

_It’s fine. I have shit to do._

Notes to go through, the interview needed another listen, too. He wanted to make sure it was ready to post tonight and sure, he’d listened to it about a hundred times - forcing himself to deal with the parts that were too hard to hear. He was trying to find any sort of clue he might’ve missed. Just _one thing_ that could make a difference. Something he hadn’t thought of yet. 

Anything. 

Sitting down with a cup of hot coffee, he didn’t bother trying to find anything to eat. He took a sip, pulled his laptop close, slipped on his noise canceling headphones, and listened to the interview once more with pen poised over his notebook. 

_‘Why the X’s?’_

Andrew shook his head and listened. 

_‘Until Andrew pulled you out?’_

_‘Until Andrew pulled me out, kicking and screaming, yes.’_

He pressed his lips together. His hand drew those X’s. Over and over _and over and over and over_

_Buzz_

_Did I really pull Neil out, kicking and screaming?_

He supposed he had, more or less. Neil would’ve stayed hidden if Andrew let him. Would’ve preferred it. 

Idly, he wondered if Neil still felt that way. 

_If he could go back, would he have wanted me to leave him alone?_

Maybe. But Andrew would never know, because he’d gone ahead and done whatever the fuck he wanted. 

He wanted Neil. 

Even when espousing all his shit about keeping Neil safe and hiding in plain sight... he meant those things, sure, but he couldn’t deny even to himself that he wanted Neil with him. _By my side._ He’d wanted it since that hot summer day in a stupid Grand Canyon snack shack at thirteen years old. 

~~_Did I make Neil’s choice for him?_ ~~

He couldn’t let himself believe that. It went against everything he fought for and - Neil had stayed and inserted himself so fully in to Andrew’s life. He’d become part of this family made up of misfits and outcasts. He’d wanted Andrew to go to New York -

_He wanted you there with him, when midnight came. He wanted to be with you when the New Year started._

Andrew threw his headphones off his head and buried his face in his hands. 

_I’m so fucking stupid._

Sucking in a deep breath, he looked to his computer and searched for flights to New York.

* * *

“Neil. _Neil._ Don’t be upset, okay? It’s _fine.”_

‘ _It’s fine.’_ Neil mocked in his head. It really was a stupid fucking phrase. 

He batted Seth away for what felt like the hundredth time. He was too happy and toasty and very concerned about how Neil had traveled all the way to New York by himself. Rolling his eyes he groaned, “Seth, for fucks sake. I’m not upset. Andrew and I are fully capable of being apart every once in a while, you know.”

“Mm.” Seth hummed, unconvinced. “Are you, though? Are you really Unkie Neil?”

Dion finally sighed and pulled his stupid boyfriend away. “Come on, lover. Leave him alone.” Neil started to shoot him a grateful look, before he added, “His boyfriend didn’t want to come with him, I’m sure he’s having a hard enough time.”

“I’m not - he’s not - ugh.” Neil threw up his hands and stood. He needed to get away from the both of them before he lost his temper and said something that would make Seth cry. 

They were all at Allison’s, hanging out, having a good time, and waiting for midnight. Everyone talked and laughed and everything was just _‘so amazing Allison!’_ And sure, it fucking was, but none of them had the memories of this place that Neil had and -

There was only a few hours to go at this point and they were wasting time by eating and drinking and talking and Neil supposed this was a party. 

Or something. 

“Neil!” Matt called to him from Allison’s kitchen where everyone _~~‘~~_ _~~who was anyone’, according to Allison,~~ _ stood around platters of food splayed across the island. “Come tell everyone about the time you got Andrew in goal at the stadium.”

Neil smiled a little, remembering, and joined Matt, Allison, and Renee in the kitchen. Dan left when Seth sang for her attention.

“He would never forgive me if I confirmed that story.”

“I think you just did,” Allison said with a grin. “Was he horrible?”

“No actually, that’s the thing. He was really fucking good. They both were. Just natural talent. It’s bullshit.”

Neil snorted. “Well it’s not like we’re competition for you.” ~~_Change the subject_ _,_ ~~ “Are we going up to the roof at some point?” 

Renee checked her watch. “I figured we’ll go up about an hour before midnight? Allison has heaters up there, but it’s still really cold to be standing out for hours and hours.” Neil just nodded and turned away like he was going to the bathroom.

He was glad he came. Truly. Matt had met him at the airport and the both of them made their way to his mom’s house. She hugged him and told him she’d been dying to meet him. Honestly, he was surprised and looked over at Matt, but Matt just grinned and shrugged. 

He loved his mom, Neil knew that. But now he knew _why_. 

She adored Matt. She doted on him, but at the same time whatever she said brokered no arguments. A retired boxer, she still looked strong to Neil. Solid. He saw her in Matt, too. They had the same shade of dark skin and the same joy in their eyes no matter who they were looking at. 

Quietly, Neil made his way up the stairs and to the roof. He shivered a little when he opened the door, pulling down on the hat Bee made him so it covered his ears, and hugged his jacket tighter to his body. He then turned on the heater that was next to the seats where he and Andrew had sat so long ago - where Neil had told him he thought he was demi and had done the bravest thing he felt he’d ever done by wrapping a pinky around Andrew’s. It was in homage, he thought. 

_To our pinky promise._

Neil sat in the seat and ran a hand over the cushion beside him. 

He was glad he came. But he still wished Andrew was here. 

* * *

Andrew checked his watch again and bounced a leg nervously. 

_Why is this plane taking so fucking long?!_

He needed to _get_ _there_ before midnight. He didn’t fucking know why, he just felt like if he did, everything would be okay. If he made it in time, they could move forward. 

If he didn’t, he’d carry this feeling like he’d abandoned Neil and let it eat him up inside. 

As it was, he’d be cutting it close. He would have to run to get there. He knew they would all be at Allison’s to watch the fireworks. He mentally calculated the time it would take to get there from JFK if this plane would just fucking _move._ Allison’s was a good hour away from the airport and that was by taking the quickest mode of transport on New Years fucking Eve. The busiest night for the most popular fucking city in the world. 

_Idiot_. 

He stuck in his AirPods and set his music to shuffle. When the first song started playing, he wanted to laugh, and cry, and maybe even scream. He wanted to curse Neil because he was the reason Elton John was even on his phone to begin with. 

_‘I want love, but it’s impossible_

_A man like me, so irresponsible_

_A man like me is dead in places_

_Other men feel liberated’_

* * *

The others eventually joined him and he tried to act like he was enthralled with the city view instead of standing on the roof pouting about Andrew. He was reminiscing. That’s all. 

Everyone around him was so happy and he was happy, too. He wasn’t mad at Andrew for not coming, not really. He wouldn’t want him to sacrifice his comfort just to stand up here and watch stupid lights in the sky over a fucking day. Andrew was obviously stressed anyway. He was stretched thin and - no, that wasn’t it. 

It was that Neil had no real idea _why._

He knew, of course, that some of it was listening to Robin’s story. Andrew had been abused as a child and hearing about someone else’s abuse must have been triggering. But was that really all? Was it just about Drake? Not that Drake wasn’t enough, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something else was going on here. 

“Neil!” Allison called. “Get your ass over here and take a picture!”

Everyone had been snapping selfies and pictures all night long. Neil just forced a small smile and made his way over. 

He really was glad he came. 

* * *

Andrew bolted off the plane. He was normally the type of person that would wait until everyone else got off so he didn't have to be touched or jostled. This time, he didn’t fucking care. As soon as the plane taxied, he was up and waiting for them to open the fucking door. He hadn’t even been nervous while in the air. 

Well, he had. Just not about dying in a fiery crash. 

He ran as soon as they let him off. 

He ran for the AirTrain to take him to Jamaica station. 

He ran for the LIRR. 

He ran for the transfer at Penn, the 3 train, and ran when he got off at 14th. 

He ran faster than he ever had, checking his watch the entire way. 

* * *

“Everyone get together, it’s almost time to start counting down!” Dan waved everyone over and Neil joined them, allowing Matt to throw an arm around his neck and returning the excited smile he gave him. 

Dan held her phone so she could see the exact moment the clock struck 11:59:50 and started the countdown.

“10! 9! 8!”

* * *

Andrew dodged around celebrating drunks and children who probably should’ve been in bed. He flipped someone off who told him to watch it and checked his watch every two seconds. 

_I’m not going to make it_

There was no way. The sinking in his stomach made his feet feel impossibly heavy, but he kept moving anyway. Kept running.

* * *

“7! 6! 5!”

Matt had moved away from Neil and wrapped an arm around Dan. Around him the couples were moving closer and closer, preparing for midnight - for the kiss. Renee had told him that people say whatever it is you’re doing at midnight, is supposed to be what you’ll be doing for the rest of the year. 

Of course he didn’t believe that. 

~~_Definitely not._ ~~

Neil backed away from the group and set his sights back in the city, waiting for midnight and the fireworks - trying not to think of his and Andrew’s almost first kiss on the 4th of July, and the fireworks that had interrupted them. 

* * *

_Faster faster faster. Move fucking faster._

~~_‘You should be doing cardio with your strength training. Just saying’_ ~~

_Shut the fuck up, Kevin._

He checked his watch again as he reached Allison’s building and punched in the old codes. 

They worked. 

He checked his watch again. 

_I’m not going to make it._

* * *

“4!”

_I should have tried harder to get him here._

* * *

One foot in front of the other, punching buttons on the elavator - _why is it going so fucking slow?!_

_I’m not going to make it._

* * *

“3!”

_I should have been more understanding._

* * *

Racing out of the elevator and down the hall to Allison’s apartment, he _knew._

_I’m not going to make it._

* * *

“2!”

 _I wish he was here. I wish I could kiss him at midnight._

* * *

Into the apartment and up the stairs to the roof. He could hear them now. Could hear the countdown.

_Fuck_

* * *

“1!”

The door behind them slammed open. 

Neil jumped and quickly looked, only to see Andrew standing there - eyes wild and panting like he’d run all the way from South fucking Carolina...

Neil opened his mouth to ask him what the fuck was going on, but was stopped short when Andrew took three big strides and a ‘ _yes’_ was already on his lips. Andrew grabbed his face in both hands and pressed their lips together and -

People were yelling. There were fireworks in the sky and Neil could see the flashes from behind his eyes. They didn’t matter. None of it did. There was only _Andrew -_ with his hands on Neil’s face, sliding to thread through his hair. _Andrew_ , with his warm lips, and solid form that was so, so, _so_ fucking right. Neil’s hands found Andrew’s hips, clutching onto his shirt for dear life and trying desperately to remember how to breathe when Andrew deepened the kiss. When his tongue licked over Neil’s bottom lip, it took everything for his knees not to fucking buckle because -

~~_This is stupidly fucking romantic._ ~~

Andrew pulled away before Neil was ready, and rested his forehead against his. They stood there, against a backdrop of lights over the city, booming and cracking and laughing, breathing each other’s breaths and trying to stay upright. 

“You’re late,” Neil said. He could barely hear himself over all the noise. 

“I’m right on time.”

Neil will make fun of him for that later. 

For now, they were kissing again. And Neil decided he believed in fate, no matter what Andrew said. 

* * *

Andrew sat on Allison’s couch with Neil. They’d left the roof not long after everyone realized Andrew had actually shown up. He wasn’t there for them and still didn’t particularly care to be around them. He was here for Neil, and Neil dragged him downstairs. 

“Did you run here? You’re all sweaty,” Neil said, wrinkling his nose and running a finger over Andrew’s arm. 

“Of course I fucking ran here. I had to make it by midnight.”

“Why?”

Andrew opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn’t really know _why_ . He just felt in his gut that it _had_ to be midnight. 

~~_Stupid fucking romantic. What’s going on with you, Andrew?_ ~~

“Because. Where are you staying?” 

Neil shrugged. “I figured I’d crash here. Matt said I can stay at his place though, or his mom’s. Just seemed easier to stay here. Everyone else is.”

Andrew didn’t want to be around everyone else. He wanted to get Neil alone. Needed it. But if Neil was staying here, he would too. 

~~_Ugh._ ~~

“But,” _~~I’m listening...~~ _Neil said, running another finger down Andrew’s arm, then gripped his wrist gently. “That was before you showed up. And I don’t really want to have to sleep on the floor of the living room because the beds are all taken by drunk couples.”

Andrew tried to act unaffected, because of course he did. So, he shrugged. “I’ll sleep wherever you are. Doesn’t matter to me.”

“Liar.”

“Yeah.”

Neil laughed and Andrew missed it ~~like the big fucking sap he all-of-a-fucking-sudden was~~ and waved Matt over when the rest of the group joined them from the roof. Allison and Renee were laughing, Renee holding onto her, and Dion and Seth were practically falling over each other as they stumbled down the stairs.

“I see Minyard made it after all,” Matt said, leaving Dan to drunkenly supervise Seth and Dion. 

“Yeah, he did. Listen, can we stay at your place tonight?”

Matt raised a brow at Neil and Andrew didn’t blame him. He couldn’t have been more obvious if he’d asked Matt for a bottle of lube. 

Matt sighed and dramatically rolled his eyes. “I told you you could -” He shot a glare at Andrew. “Just clean whatever surface you fuck on, please.”

“Jesus Matt!” Neil said, feigning high offense. “You’ll have to tell me where the cleaning supplies are, I can’t be expected to just root around your home.”

Matt made a face, nudged Neil’s arm, gave Andrew one more glare, and ten minutes later, the two of them walked out of Allison’s apartment and into the charged, cold Manhattan air. Matt had texted Neil the directions and mercifully, ~~Matt~~ _fuck. No._ **_Lloyd’s_** apartment while still on the upper east side, was closer to a subway station. 

By the time they got on their first train, Andrew realized how exhausted he was. Taking Neil’s hand, he held it securely the entire time. From their Grand Central stop, all the way to their stop on the upper east, his fingers remained wrapped around Neil’s and he completely ignored the look of absolute adoration Neil gave him because of it. He just wanted to make sure he didn’t loose his stupid _partner_ in the waves of drunkards trying to make their way home. That’s all. 

_Lloyd’s_ place was in another fancy high rise. Neil said he refused to stay in the old one after everything that happened and Andrew didn’t exactly blame him. This one had tighter security apparently, which meant that Matt had to call ahead to let security know Neil would be staying there tonight. 

After entering the building and avoiding an almost-stop-and-frisk by the security guard, Neil punched in a code and opened the door to the apartment. Andrew had to do a double take. It looked almost identical to the old one. Even the layout was basically the same and Matt had clearly just brought his old furniture over. The couch he’d once fallen asleep with Neil on now sat in front of a giant flat screen and the monstrous modern art that once dotted Matt’s old walls were hung again. 

“Come on,” Neil said, dragging Andrew to the guest room. He dropped his bag by the bed and Andrew did the same with the backpack he’d haphazardly thrown clothes into before he left and had bouncing on his back the whole way to Allison’s. 

“I need a shower,” he said, because Neil was right. He was sweaty and he probably smelled like he’d been running the streets of New York in a desperate attempt to salvage his relationship. 

Neil nodded his head to the door on the other side of the room. “I assume that’s the bathroom.” 

“Do you want to join me?”

“God, yes.” 

*

Andrew raised a brow and pulled Neil in. 

They took their time. 

The warm water ran in rivulets down Neil’s skin. And Andrew wanted to touch so _so_ bad. It was like an instinctual need and it rose so far up inside him, he thought he would practically burst. 

But he didn’t. He kept it at bay with hands wandering over soap slick skin, massaging and caressing and speaking words that neither of them could really hear ~~, but clearly felt.~~

By the time they got out of the shower and dried off, Andrew was desperate. He just wanted to know that they were okay. He wanted to know that Neil wanted him, that he hadn’t completely fucked this all up and -

This wasn’t about him. It was about Neil. And it was Neil who tugged Andrew towards the bed, kissing him along the way. It was Neil who ran his fingers through his hair and whispered, “can we...?” into his lips. Neil who let him know, “I just need you. I need this tonight.”

Andrew almost asked, _‘can we what?’_ But he didn’t. He didn’t want Neil to feel like he had to suggest sex or feel pressured into something he wasn’t comfortable with. So, instead, Andrew followed him to the bed, and allowed himself to be pulled down on top of him. 

“Yes?” Neil breathed in between kisses.

Andrew rubbed his nose against Neil’s and whispered, “Yes.”

Neil opened his legs so Andrew could slot himself in between. He was so fucking _warm_ , he thought. Skin still flush and damp from the hot shower. Neil pulled him down by the back of the neck and into a kiss that tasted equal parts desperation, want, and

_Fate._

Andrew jerked back, needing to see Neil’s face. His eyes. 

_Did I really just fucking think that? What the_ **_fuck_ ** _?_

“What?” Neil asked, removing his hands from Andrew, but still squirming underneath him.

“Nothing.” Andrew leaned forward again to capture Neil’s mouth and he started to move. 

Slow. 

So slow.

He rocked his hips forward, angling for the most friction and closing his eyes at the sound of Neil’s moans. He was always so fucking responsive - so pliant under Andrew’s hands. 

“An -“ a breath, “Drew... I -”

“What? What do you need?” Andrew said into his ear, pressing his mouth into the soft spot under his jaw. 

“More.”

Andrew sat up just enough to be able to reach a hand between them. He braced himself the other hand on the bed near Neil’s head and took them both in his palm. And it was so perfect, so right. Andrew had never felt this way with anyone before - he never felt so open and comfortable and _seen,_ despite what he kept close to his chest and -

“ _Fuck, fuck, fuck_ ,” Neil whispered, over and over again, arching his back and throwing his head into the pillow. 

Andrew moved his hand, unable to stop himself from pushing into it, against the feel of Neil. He leaned down just enough to kiss him and press their foreheads together.

“This,” Neil whispered, panting against Andrew’s mouth. 

Andrew subconscious couldn’t even fuck this up. Couldn’t tell him what an unbelievable sap he’d become. “ _This_ ,” Andrew murmured, and with a twist of his wrist, everything went white hot.

They stayed that way for a minute - gasping for breath with hands pushed through hair and over jaws and loud heartbeats in their ears. 

When Andrew finally rolled off of Neil, it was to flop down next to him. Neil handed him the end of one of the towels they’d used to dry off, and Andrew used it to clean them both off, unable to do any more than that. His hand found Neil’s hip and he let it sit there, just to be able to feel him. 

*

“I’m sorry,” Andrew finally said to the dark, knowing Neil was still awake. 

Neil was quiet. “You’ve been apologizing to me a lot lately... it’s very out of character.”

“I know.”

He didn’t know what else to say. He knew he’d been a jerk, but Neil knew that, too. It wasn’t like anything he said could change that. 

Neil rolled onto his side to face him. “I don’t know what to do, Andrew. I know there’s something else going on that has you acting this way. I don’t know what it is and I’m not going to insist you tell me. But... I’m here if you decide you want to, okay? Maybe talk to Bee or go see someone. Don’t take it out on me.”

 _Is that what I’ve been doing?_ He thought back and yeah, he could see how Neil would feel that way. He really hadn’t meant to. He just still didn’t know how to do this. A real relationship was never supposed to be in the cards for him. But now that it was, now that it was here, he felt like it would be like digging his own grave to let it go. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, rolling onto his side, too, and pulling Neil close to him. 

Neil sighed and kissed his neck. “I know.”

* * *

Neil woke the next morning feeling incredibly lazy. His biological clock usually had him up at the crack of dawn, but not now, not this morning - this morning he was still naked and relaxed and warm. 

He rolled over to burrow further under the blankets, but blinked his eyes open when he heard a TV. It was low, but it was there. He lifted his head to see the flatscreen across from the bed playing the news. 

He sat up, spotting Andrew perched on the end of the bed. He’d put on a pair of sweatpants, but was still shirtless with the muscles in his back bunched and tense. Andrew was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and Neil could just make out his hands steepled together in front of his face, covering his mouth and nose. 

“Andrew?”

He didn’t respond. Neil looked to the TV and felt his heart plummet. The headline blared across the bottom of the screen, and Neil knew without having to confirm, that they’d been too late. 

_‘Girl, six years old, taken after New Year’s Eve celebration.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About high school. The age 16 comes up. We acknowledge how this can be twisted, but know that we absolutely DO NOT INTEND FOR IT TO BE TWISTED. THAT. WAY. this is not underage. This is the two of them reminiscing on what it would've been like if they were two dumb teenagers that got to experience what teenagers do. that is all. We hope it came off that way. 
> 
> -
> 
> We hope you all liked this one! Hopefully bloodydamnit (me, hi) will be able to get us to post on a regular basis because shes a dumb ass and takes forever to get one thing done T^T We're also going to be more active. shes been neglecting her responsibilities and yes talking in the third person makes me feel better T^T  
> Anyway! This is really where we need yall to jump in. The email is foxholenetwork@gmail.com and if you want to be a part of the coming chapters, make up a story and send it in! We'd love your input! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and putting up with us. Comments and kudos are always appreciated!!! We love reading them T^T 
> 
> Keep up with us on our social medias!!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> See yall sooonnn ;) the next one is a big one ;)


	4. Audio Notes #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-New Years Eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we always say this, but this ones a bit tough. You guys are going to hate us... like. a lot. And you're going to continue hating us for a while... but everything we're doing needs to be done. We'll explain more in the end notes but... yeah.  
> For now, a trigger list.  
> CW for mention of kidnapping  
> CW for using the words rapist and murder  
> CW for reference back to the X's from last chapter  
> CW for reference to chloroform and similar chemicals
> 
> I think that's it? Please let us know if we've missed anything. I don't think we have, but there's always a possibility. 
> 
> Transcript will be up tomorrow, for those who are interacting. I know that interaction has been really really low lately on the tumblr and twitter, but there's a reason for it! We're also actively playing catch up, so just bear with us!

“Andrew?”

Andrew closed his eyes against the images flashing on the screen - a reporter with a sleek black bob, looking serious and grim; a shot of a street corner where the child was last seen; a picture of that little girl, blonde hair and bright green eyes, giant sparkly bow and purple glasses...

_Buzz._

Andrew couldn’t sit still. He stood from the bed. He needed to move. He began pacing the room with words racing through his head because - 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

_Buzz._

_Too late. Too slow._

_Buzz buzz_

_Stupid. So_ **_fucking_ ** _stupid._

_Buzz buzz buzz_

“Andrew.” Andrew stopped, back turned toward the bed and ear burning. 

_Neil._

It was Neil. Neil was still there and

 _Oh god_. 

Andrew couldn’t even look at him. He couldn’t bear to see those blue eyes darken in disappointment. Not when just last night they’d been dark with want and -

He took a deep breath and tried to reign himself in. 

Last night had been perfect... it was warm and right and he _knew_ . He fucking knew in one single stretching moment suspended between hot breaths and searching hands and locked eyes, that he felt this _thing_ in his chest and he thought he might fucking break from it. That _thing_ \- it had felt so real and fragile and _and, and, and_

And now this. Neil would know - know he was a fraud. ~~Worthless~~. 

_Too fucking slow._

_“Andrew!”_

_Neil._

He finally turned at the urgency in Neil’s voice, but he still couldn’t look at those eyes. Instead, he focused on Neil’s freckled shoulder. He was still naked from the night before. 

Andrew looked down at his own shirtless chest, the piercings in his goddamn nipples and suddenly, he felt so unbelievably disgusted. He felt exposed and inappropriate, and he grabbed his bag from where it still sat at the end of the bed and pulled a shirt out, bringing everything else with it. He yanked it over his head. 

“Put some clothes on.”

Andrew went into the bathroom and slammed the door because he couldn’t _fucking_ help it and -

He gripped the edge of the sink in both hands. He inhaled and exhaled far too quickly, breaths coming in shaky and wrong. With a hard swallow he stared at his reflection. His hair was still a mess from where Neil’s fingers carelessly ran through it. A love bite darkened on his neck, just above his collarbone and his lips were still a bit swollen from just before - in the early hours of the morning with the sun still set and the moon hanging high. He still had no fucking clue who had moved first or how it even happened, but their hands sought each other out and found skin and heat and _god fucking damnit -_

Andrew hated himself so fucking much. 

_Buzz_

With one more deep breath, he clenched his jaw, closed his eyes tight to try and clear away the images, then straightened his back before making his way back into the room. When he opened his eyes, it was to find Neil sitting at the edge of the bed, yesterday’s clothes thrown hastily on. 

~~_His shirt is inside out._ ~~

“What happened?” Neil demanded, and Andrew could feel the shell that he’d let crack and slowly fall away in these past few months begin to rebuild itself around him. ~~_Refortify_ ~~ **_._ ** He let it reach his chest, his heart, tried to will it to block out that _goddamn_ **_buzz_ **before speaking. 

“It’s him. He took another girl last night. He’s fucking taunting us.”

Neil stared at him, brows furrowed for a moment as if trying to arrange his words very carefully before speaking them out loud. 

_Just say what a fucking asshole I am._

“How do you know it was him? This happened here in the city, not in Newark. This girl is white,” Neil pointed to her image still on the screen in the upper right hand corner. “It doesn’t match his MO at all.”

Andrew grabbed his phone from where he’d left it on the bed and thrust it in Neil’s direction. Neil took it and looked at the text he’d received from Robin.

_‘Turn on the news. It’s him.’_

Neil chewed his lip. “I’m not questioning her. If anyone would know it would be Robin. But why is she assuming it’s him? Like I said, it doesn’t match his MO-”

“Did you see the still shot?”

“No.”

Andrew pulled the story up on his phone and showed Neil the CCTV still they’d put on air. It was a white man with a black hat. That’s all that was clear. Neil just looked at him. Andrew snatched his phone back and dialed Robin. She answered on the first ring.

“Are you okay?”

_‘No.’_

_At least she’s being honest._

Andrew sat heavily on the bed. He put the phone on speaker so Neil could hear, too. 

“Neil is here with me. We saw the news.” ~~_Is my voice shaking?_ ~~ He cleared his throat. “I hate to even ask Robin, but we have to know before we move forward. How certain are you that this is him?”

 _‘100%. I know that’s him. I know it, Andrew. I can’t -’_ She stopped and Andrew could hear her taking deep breaths, just like he’d been doing. _‘We were too late,_ ’ she whispered.

He wanted to throw his phone. He wanted to crush it in his hand. Neil slid off the bed and kneeled in front of him on the floor - like he knew what he was thinking, how he felt, how close he was to fucking losing it and 

Neil didn’t touch him, but he looked up at him and Andrew knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to ground him - trying to keep him in the present. _I’m here, I’m here, I’m here_ , his eyes said, and Andrew was glad for it.

He hated himself even more for being able to take comfort like this. ~~_Take comfort at all._ ~~

_Buzz buzz buzz_

“Robin,” Andrew finally said. “Listen to me. None of this is on you. If anything, it’s on me. I’m sorry. I’m…” Andrew swallowed. “We’re going to do what we can from here. Do you want me to send Dan over? She’s still here in the city. Everyone is.”

_‘Can I come to you? I haven’t told my parents, but if they think it’s him they’re not going to leave me alone. I just... I can’t be in this house right now.’_

~~_I understand._ ~~

“Text me the address. I’ll have Dan come get you in an Uber. You can tell your parents you’re just going to hang out, which isn’t a lie. Okay? Everyone is staying at Allison’s right now.”

Robin sniffed. Her voice was wobbly when she responded. _‘Okay. Thank you, Andrew.’_

He hung up the phone and looked down to Neil. Blue eyes, tan skin, auburn hair. His lips were fuller than usual, still showing signs of last night, too. That one forehead curl that Andrew ~~loved and~~ hated hung down, and he couldn’t stop himself before reaching forward to brush it to the side. Neil leaned into the touch and Andrew pulled his hand away. 

~~Something was breaking and he couldn’t bring himself to try and stop it.~~

“What’s the plan?” Neil murmured, pushing himself to stand. Andrew stood, too and busied himself with his bag. 

“I need to call Dan. Tell her to go get Robin from her parent’s house. I want to go to the cops-“ Bee was almost too loud. He willed her to quiet, to stop flapping those wings and let him have a moment just to _think_.

“What?” Neil interrupted, sounding incredulous. “Why? They’ve done nothing this whole time for any of these girls. Why would they do anything now?”

Andrew threw his bag back on the bed and whirled around because he couldn’t fucking help it. He couldn’t tamp the feelings down and, “I don’t fucking know, Neil. But that should be the first step. This isn’t Newark. There’s less chance these guys are in on it or have a personal stake. Steven’s fucking _taunting_ us.”

~~_‘I’ll stop if you say please. Be a good boy, Andrew.’_ ~~

“Why do you think he’s taunting us?” Neil spoke calmly, evenly. He was the exact opposite. Andrew felt so fucking close to tipping over the edge.

To losing control. 

He spoke through his teeth. “We’re chasing him and harping on about how he’s taking children of color because the system _doesn’t fucking care_ _about children of color_. So, what does he do? He takes a white girl. He’s saying _‘It doesn’t matter. I won’t be caught. Good luck, fuckers._ ’”

“Andrew… I’m not really sure that’s-”

“It _is_. Stop fucking arguing with me and get dressed. I need to figure out which precinct we need to go to...” he turned his back to Neil and mumbled, “What detective is working this case. Then we need to go to Reynolds’. I want to have a team meeting. Fuck, I still need to call Dan-”

Neil stepped in front of him, stopping him short from where he’d been pacing again. His arms were crossed, eyes steely, “Am I your partner?” Andrew just blinked at him. “Am I your fucking partner or not, Andrew? And I don’t just mean this,” he gestured between them. “I mean in this investigation. In this podcast.”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. Stop snapping at me and get a fucking grip. We’re going to do all those things, but we’re going to do them _together_. Stop trying to take on the weight of all of this. It’ll crush you, Andrew. And I know you. You’ll let it.”

~~_I know._ ~~

Neil didn’t move. Didn’t blink. He stared at Andrew hard and he had to fight to keep that reformed shell over his chest - his heart. He clenched his jaw before responding. “Fine,” he said, voice as calm as he could muster under the circumstances. “I’m going to take a shower. We should leave as soon as we can.”

Neil nodded and stepped aside and Andrew? 

He walked normally to the bathroom with his bag gripped in his hand and that _buzz buzz buzz._ He even closed the door without slamming it, but he was fleeing and there was no hiding it. He was fleeing the room and Neil and the entire situation ~~or wanting to.~~ He turned on the shower, let the steam fill the space and slumped on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor as he held his head in his hands and willed his heart to turn to stone. 

* * *

Manhattan Special Victims Division. It looked newly renovated, Neil thought. Part of the NYPD’s campaign to stop looking like useless fucking shitbags, probably. Their SVD had been under fire in the press for an internal review a few months back, and they were trying to seem more victim friendly. 

Naturally, Neil trusted none of it. 

They stepped inside and he was grateful for the heat, at least. New York was fucking freezing and although he was sure he’d been in every type of climate in his life, he hated northern winters the most. 

It smelled like construction, like fresh paint and new floors. Everything was modern. The sleek leather couch next to reception was an ugly tan, and the light fixtures made of white canisters looked more like cameras than lights. 

Maybe they were. Who fucking knew.

They made their way to the receptionist and stood waiting for the guy at the desk to hang up the phone. White, he was too tan for the winter and looked professional with perfectly coiffed hair and _he had to be someone’s nephew_. He was young - younger than they were, anyway.

And suddenly, Neil remembered Nathaniel’s birthday was coming up. 

_You’ll be 26._

He forcefully ejected the thought from his mind and glanced at Andrew, who chewed on his lip ring so hard, Neil was afraid he was going to rip it out. Sighing heavily, he resisted the urge to pull Andrews lip from between his teeth when _Derek_ (according to his nameplate), smiled up at them apologetically. 

Andrew scowled back. 

With a click, _Derek_ finally hung up the phone and set his attention on them. “Sorry about that. What can I do for you?” 

Neil opened his mouth, but Andrew beat him to it. “We’re looking for Detective Walsh.” 

Andrew had sat on the phone for an hour before he got the name of the person leading the investigation, and the only reason why he got it was because he told them he had important information. Honestly, that alone probably wouldn’t have been enough, but Andrew had made it sound like he could lead them right to the kidnapper. 

_Maybe he thought he could._

Neil didn’t know anymore. Andrew was shutting down and he felt like he was being pulled along by the wrist like a child instead of actually being included in this. 

~~_Not like I have firsthand knowledge on kidnappings or anything._ ~~

_Stop it._

“Are you Mr. Minnard?”

“Min _yard_ ,” Andrew snapped. “Yes, I need to speak with him immediately.”

Derek obviously tried not to roll his eyes as he picked the phone back up. They waited for five agonizing minutes, with Andrew shooting suspicious looks around the waiting area and avoiding Neil’s eyes. Eventually, a man emerged, looking exhausted and harassed. 

“Minnard?” he asked. Andrew shot to his feet with a sneer Neil didn’t think he’d ever seen on his face before. 

“It’s Min _yard_ . I know you people are incompetant but _Jesus_. Do you know the shit I had to go through to even get a fucking last name?”

Detective Walsh just stared at him for a long moment before rolling his eyes to the ceiling with a long suffering sigh. He was used to Andrew’s special brand of bullshit, then. That was probably a good thing.

“Minyard.” He looked to Neil, eyebrow raised. 

“Neil Josten.” Neil took the detective’s offered hand and shook it shortly, cringing internally when he went to shake Andrew’s. As a rule, Andrew didn’t shake anyone’s hand, regardless of who they were. Neil had actually seen the video of Andrew’s graduation from Palmetto when Nicky was in town, and he’d walked across the stage completely ignoring all of the faculty and their outstretched hands along the way. He then snatched his diploma and hopped off the stage like he graduated every day of his fucking life. Afterwards, Neil had asked why he’d even bothered walking, and Andrew just shrugged and said, ‘ _Bee._ ’

So it was no surprise when he just stared at the Detective’s outstretched hand until it dropped. 

Another tired sigh. “This way.”

They followed him back to his office, passing a room with toys and games, brightly colored cubicles with family pictures, and what looked like an examination room with clowns bordering the ceiling. 

_They were trying_ **_hard_ ** _._

Detective Walsh’s office was far enough into the building that he didn’t have to bother trying to make it look cheerful. It was dark and messy, with a desk that looked too old for this office and a chair that squeaked as he sat down. He wasn’t old, per se, but he looked like he’d seen some shit. ~~_Haven’t we all?_ ~~Dark hair shot with gray, a mustache Neil would never be able to grow as long as he lived, and bags that made his eyes look droopy.

“So, you have information about Haylie Clark?” The girl who went missing. 

_Alyssa, Tamika, Imani, Nia, Makena, Sofia, Amira, Robin, Zoe_

**_Haylie._ **

“Yes,” Neil said, before Andrew could speak. He’d heard Bee once say, ‘ _you catch more flies with honey than vinegar’._ At the time, he thought it was so fucking southern and sweet, but now he realized what she meant. 

Andrew was fucking pissing vinegar right now. 

“We’re working on a podcast called Red Rabbits-”

“Let me stop you there.” Walsh held up a hand. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but I’m not giving an interview about this case. I know these true crime podcasts-”

“If you would let him finish before you open your gob, I think this would go a lot smoother.” Andrew said, slouching further down in his seat. 

Neil kept going before things escalated. Who would’ve known that _he_ had to be the fucking diplomat in this. “No, that’s not why we’re here. We’ve been following the case of a serial kidnapper, child rapist, and murderer in the Newark area, and we have reason to believe the man on the CCTV still is him.”

“Do you have a picture of your guy?”

“No, but-”

“Do you have a name I can work with?”

“No, but-”

“Do you have any shred of evidence linking whoever this guy is that you’re doing a podcast about, to this case?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Neil said through gritted teeth. “One of his victims ID’d your guy as the same one who kidnapped her.”

Walsh’s brows raised and he paused for a moment, as if weighing the validity of Neil’s words. Then, “Where was she taken?” He pulled out a pen and a pad, flipping the pages until he found a clean sheet. Neil relaxed slightly, sparing a glance for Andrew who was still glaring. 

“Newark. She was five years old an-”

Walsh looked up. “Five? How old is she now?”

“Eighteen. She was eleven when she was found.”

Walsh threw the pen down on top of the pad and rubbed his eyes. “So, you come in here with the word of a girl who hasn’t seen her alleged kidnapper-”

“Alleged _my ass_ -” Andrew started.

“ _Alleged_ kidnapper in seven years. Since she was a _child_. You have no name. No face. Nothing to link whoever your guy is, to mine.”

“Just because she hasn’t seen him doesn’t mean she can’t remember,” Neil shot back.

 _Honey, honey, honey_ . _Be the honey, Neil_.

Walsh sighed and slowed down as if Neil and Andrew needed help understanding. “She’s an unreliable witness. I can’t use anything she could give me - _Could_ she even give me anything? I don’t see anyone else with you.”

Neil opened his mouth to respond again, but Andrew stood. “Great,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “So law enforcement does nothing, as usual. It’s fine, nothing we didn’t expect. Come on, Neil,” Andrew looked to him. “Let’s get the fuck out of here before I get myself arrested. Bee would be beside herself.”

 _No she wouldn’t,_ Neil thought. She’d probably tell Andrew he was an idiot (but she would use words like _impulsive_ and _rash_ ) and make him a cup of hot chocolate.

Detective Walsh visibly deflated. He sat forward in his chair and played with the cap on his pen. “Look, I wish I could help you. I’m sorry for your friend. I’ve been doing this long enough to know what happens when a child is kept that long by a kidnapper. But I can’t do anything with this. The department has already been under internal investigation and if I’m wasting funds on chasing a ghost-”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Andrew said, hand on the door knob. Neil stood and joined him. “When this little girl washes up in the Passaic like the others, I’ll send you a card.” He raised one hand with his black painted middle finger up, and strode out of the room like a man determined to burn shit to the ground.

* * *

Andrew stopped for a pack of cigarettes on the way to Reynolds’. He didn’t give a fuck at that point - didn’t give a fuck that Neil was giving him a disapproving look. He didn’t say anything, at least. 

Which told Andrew he was acting even worse than he thought, because it was a rare day Neil would let the opportunity to call Andrew on his bullshit slip by.

They made their way across the city in relative silence. Neil was probably bursting to say _I told you so_ , Andrew was sure. He _had_ told him, before - that going to the police would be useless. _He was right, like he’s always fucking right._ But he’d still had to try, didn’t he? It was the logical first step, wasn’t it?

Andrew questioned every single move he was making; every decision leading up to now. 

Starting with how he found Neil. 

Shaking out a cigarette, he lit it on the corner near Reynolds’ building. Neil left him there, going inside with a shake of his head and a tight jaw that Andrew would normally want to ease, but just couldn’t at that moment. Honestly, right then he was glad to be alone... glad that Neil didn’t stand witness to the long drag he inhaled, the close of his eyes as he let the smoke fill his lungs till near bursting. He held it until it hurt and let it out in a rush, just before he knew he’d start coughing. 

_Fuck that was good._

Suddenly, he had no fucking clue why he’d quit. Because Neil wanted him to? But why? _My health,_ he guessed. That seemed really fucking stupid right now. Andrew didn’t care about his health. He worked out so he could beat someone’s ass if he needed to. He didn’t have the reach, he needed the muscle. 

Also, to _pull_ , which obviously hadn’t been a thing since Neil entered the picture. He didn’t have the reach, so he needed the muscle for that, too. 

He had no illusions about who he was. Not really. 

Quickly sucking down a second cigarette, Andrew finally made his way back into the building. He felt better. Calmer. More centered. 

Of course, that went to shit as soon as he saw Robin sitting on the couch, Dan and Renee flanking her and Seth on the floor in front of them, knees drawn up and saying something Andrew assumed was supposed to be amusing. Allison sat on the coffee table across from all four, with her legs crossed and fuzzy slippers on her feet. As soon as Robin caught his eye, Andrew wanted to turn tail and run. 

Instead, he looked away and sat next to Neil on the second couch opposite them. He lowered himself close enough that their thighs touched and he knew, he _knew_ he didn’t deserve it, but he just needed the strength right now and Neil didn’t move away. Andrew was glad for it... Instead, Neil pushed his knee into Andrew’s and stared at his lap. Behind his ear started to burn, but it was muddled behind the nicotine swirling in his head. With a deep breath, he was thankful, if only for the almost-quiet, before he glanced back up to find everyone waiting on him. He looked around the assembled group. It was the whole team, looking to him. Expecting something. 

“Where are Lloyd and Dion?” Andrew asked, stalling for time. 

“I sent them to go pick up lunch,” Dan replied. “I didn’t know what this would entail so I figured it should be just the team for now.”

Andrew nodded. Good. That was good. Dan should be leading this. ~~_I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore._ ~~

_Shut up._

“Neil and I went to talk to the detective in charge of the missing girl’s case.”

“Haylie,” Robin said. Andrew finally properly met her eyes, and they were fire. She was fucking _pissed_. “Her name is Haylie.”

“Right,” Andrew said, thrown for a moment. It seemed that she already told everyone why she thought this was Steven. No one objected, no one looked confused or cautious. Anger and sadness darkened everyone’s eyes in that living room. “Haylie. We spoke to a Detective Walsh and were summarily told there was nothing they could do.”

“Naturally.” Allison practically spit. She had twisted around to look at him while he spoke, and she turned back now, picking at her long fingernails.

Neil was still silent. Andrew chanced a glance at him and looked away quickly. He was gazing steadily at Andrew, daring him to break down. Andrew could practically hear him.

 _‘Don’t you fucking dare._ ’

“So, what’s the plan?” Dan asked. She had pulled a laptop seemingly out of nowhere and was primed to take notes.

“I’m going to go poke around at Grand Central. That’s where she was taken. Maybe someone saw something or I can bribe someone to show me security footage.”

Dan started typing furiously. “And the rest of us?”

“The rest of you what?” Andrew heard Neil scoff under his breath. 

Dan looked up at him. “What are the rest of us going to do? Is someone going with you to Grand Central? Can we split up and look for clues elsewhere?”

“Look for clues?” Andrew wanted to laugh, but it didn’t rise in his throat. Instead, he furrowed his brows and shook his head. “Listen, this isn’t Mystery, Inc. I’m going to go to Grand Central, by myself, and you’re all going to stay here and do whatever you were going to do anyway. I just wanted this meeting so we were all on the same page. _This_ is our guy. That’s it.”

Neil stood, still silent, and went to the kitchen. Andrew watched as he pulled a glass down from the cabinet. As he poured himself some water. As he took a slow sip. Seth looked back and forth between them like it was a fucking tennis match, and eventually just sighed and shook his head. 

Andrew hadn’t wanted to hit him this bad since they were in college. 

“Andrew,” Renee said softly, pulling his attention back. “I know you want to be the one to do this and I know you have your own process, but I think in this case, it’s better if we all help.”

Andrew looked at her. She stared him straight in the eye and he wanted to deflate. He felt vulnerable under her gaze, because she knew him so well - knew he’d try to take this on by himself, partly because he didn’t trust anyone else and partly because he deserved to carry the burden. Alone. 

He pulled the shell up to cover his eyes and closed them briefly as if he could reset the rightness of Renee’s words. Renee was frowning slightly when he opened them again. 

_Just give them a task. Give them something to do_.

“We need supplies,” he finally said. “Dan, Robin, and Dion can go pick some up. White boards, sticky notes, highlighters. Reynolds do you have a printer? A scanner?”

She nodded. 

“Pull them out and let’s set up a base of operations. I want someone to go to Penn Station. It would’ve been the quickest way back to Newark on New Year’s Eve and he would’ve been able to blend in with all the other families trying to get back. Maybe there’s someone around who was there last night or something. Lloyd and Seth,” he looked to Seth, “you go. Lloyd knows the city and people like him because he can swing a stick. They like you fuck knows whatever reason.”

“I’m fucking charming, don’t pretend you haven’t noticed.”

“Must’ve missed it somehow,” Andrew replied in a bored tone. “Do you have something to record with?”

“My phone.”

Andrew shook his head. “I don’t trust phones and I hate the way they sound. Go get a personal recorder. Renee and Neil can scour the internet. Look up every article you can find on the disappearance and see if there’s anything in the comments. It’s still early, people are probably hungover, but search anyway. Especially on twitter and Facebook. There might be a hashtag going around... Someone mentioning seeing something or any inconsistencies between stories.”

Andrew stood and looked around. Everyone was getting ready to do their tasks. Robin looked to be making a list with Dan of what they might need. 

“Robin, can I talk to you for a second?”

She stood and followed Andrew to the side of the room. Andrew chanced a glance at Neil, to find Neil’s brow raised. He ignored it and turned away with a sinking feeling in his stomach. _Not important right now. This is._ “Is this okay? If you just want to go hang out with Dan or someone else for the day, that’s totally fine. You don’t have to be involved in this.”

Robin gave him a withering stare. “Really?”

“I’m just saying-”

“No, I know. And I appreciate it. No, I don’t want to go out into the city to try and track him down and ask strangers questions while trying not to have a complete meltdown.”

 _I know the feeling_.

“But the least I can do is try and get some supplies to help you get closer to finding him. He’s not going to hurt her yet. Not at first. If we can get there fast enough…” She looked away into the middle distance and squeezed her arms where they were crossed over her stomach. 

“We’re going to try.” It was the best Andrew could offer. Robin nodded and went back to join Dan on the couch again. 

By the time Lloyd and Dion returned with food and Dan filled them in on the plan, Andrew was sick to his fucking teeth of being in that room, of feeling Neil’s stare and all the expectations he had on _himself_ pushing against his shoulders. He was ready to _do_ , to go out there and make something fucking happen already.

He left without telling anyone.

* * *

Neil sat at the small breakfast table Allison had shoved in a corner of her large kitchen. Renee was helping her get a printer and scanner hooked up and Neil was silently stewing with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“I don’t know what the deal is with you and Sir Pouts-A-Lot but your negative energy is fucking with my edges.” Allison brushed the intricately curled hair of her long blonde wig against her forehead, as if to prove a point. “Go up to the roof if you want to sulk.”

Neil shot her a glare. He liked Allison, he really did. She was loud but she was funny and everything she gave a fuck about she gave all the fucks about. However right now, Neil wasn’t in the mood. He suspected she was trying to lighten the tension, but the cloud over his head made him so dour, there was no way it was going to work. 

“I’m fine.”

“Uh huh.” She leaned over to peer at the back of the computer. “Whatever you say, Pinnochio.”

Neil didn’t respond. He waited until they were done and Allison had left with a kiss for Renee and a pointed look for Neil. He watched Renee type for two minutes and thirteen seconds before he couldn’t stand it any longer. 

“This is bullshit, you know.”

Renee kept typing. “Oh, yes.”

“What do you mean _‘oh, yes_ ’?”

Renee sighed and lifted her hands from the keys, turning to face Neil. “I mean, of course this is nonsense. Busy work. But I think it’s a good sign that Andrew is letting us help at all, even if it’s something small.”

That pissed Neil off even more, and he didn’t even really know why. “Oh, how kind of him. You know, since he’s the boss of this entire thing and I’m just here to do whatever the fuck he tells me. I’m not supposed to be an equal partner in this or anything.”

“Are you?”

 _‘Are you?’_ He mocked inside his head. “Am I what?”

“Supposed to be an equal partner.”

Neil opened his mouth to say of course he fucking was. But was he? He could vaguely recall them talking about all of this in the beginning, and he distinctly remembered a lot of ‘ _we_ ’ being thrown around. Or was that just him? Maybe Andrew expected to take the lead and for Neil to follow this whole time, and he just didn’t realize it. But Neil didn’t think so. No... he thought this was just Andrew being Andrew. 

Neil rubbed his eyes and bit the inside of his lip. How was it that just a few hours ago they’d been wrapped around each other like there was nothing else beyond the walls of Matt’s guest bedroom, and now they were here?

“He’s punishing himself,” Neil murmured quietly, letting go of his lip and running his tongue along the indents his teeth made. He didn’t taste blood, so that was something. 

“I know.” 

His eyes found Renee’s pleadingly. She knew Andrew better than anyone, except for him and Bee. “I don’t know what to do. He won’t listen to me. He won’t let me help him.”

Renee nodded and sighed out of her nose. She rubbed at a scratch in the dark wood of Allison’s polished table. “Well, that’s Andrew, isn’t it? He’s got to come to it himself. The harder you try to get him there the more distance he’ll try and create.”

_I’m not just anyone though -_

“But... it’s me,” Neil said, imploring her to understand. “We’re... _us_. I don’t know. But it’s different.”

Renee cocked her head. “Is it?”

And that was the crux of the issue, wasn’t it? Neil lived in a place where he thought he understood Andrew better than anyone else. But why would he? 

_Because I’ve seen him vulnerable?_

_Because he let me put my hands on his body in ways I know he never let anyone else?_

But what did that even really matter...? Andrew wanted to get off and he was used to Neil enough by now to let him do it for him. Maybe it was deeper for Neil than it was for Andrew...

For the first time since they’d been together, since Neil had known that this was a relationship and Andrew was _his_ , he wondered if he was in over his head - he wondered if his lack of romantic and physical experience was tricking his brain into thinking this was deeper than it was and

That thought made something twist painfully in Neil’s chest. He looked up when Renee put a hand on his arm. 

“I don’t mean to suggest that Andrew doesn’t care about you. Anyone who has been around him for any length of time can tell the depth of his feeling is something he’s never allowed himself before. I think he loves you Neil, and I think that scares him.”

Neil blinked at her. _Love?!_ Well, he hadn’t said anything about _love_ for fuck’s sake. 

The twisting in his chest eased a bit, for a reason Neil didn’t know. He swallowed hard.

“So I’m just supposed to let him act like a giant asshole?”

Renee smiled. “I don’t think you have it in you to let him get away with it.” She nodded her chin to the computer, “Come on, let’s see if we can find anything.”

Neil glanced at the screen, the tabs of Twitter and Facebook and Google, and sighed, defeated. 

_She’s right_. 

He didn’t have it in him to let Andrew get away with it... And that meant this was going to blow up eventually.

He just hoped they would both walk out of it whole in the end. 

* * *

Andrew had been at Grand Central for an hour. He didn’t even know why he was here. There were still cops standing around trying to look busy. Whether they were related to Haylie Clark’s disappearance or not, he didn’t know. But he saw more than one of them stopping people and asking questions. 

So.

Probably.

He couldn’t run an investigation like law enforcement could. He knew that. He didn’t have the means to collect evidence and process it like it should be - couldn’t dust for prints or run them through a national system. However, the entire problem was that he didn’t trust the NYPD or SVD to do any of that either. 

Briefly, he had thought about trying to get security footage, but with so many pigs oinking around, he thought that probably wasn’t the best idea. Not to mention, the last thing he needed was to be labeled with impeding on an investigation and there was a slight chance his involvement could fuck everything up. Move something that wasn’t to be moved, interfere with a witness that he shouldn’t have interfered with... even though he had little hope in the competency of New York’s departments, there was that slim chance that they could pull through and do their job. _Slim_ , but there and - 

He just couldn’t risk it. The ‘what if’s’ he usually loved to play around with were suddenly magnified by one thousand when a child became involved.

And so, that all brought him here. Looking for something he probably wasn’t going to find and reaching for what might not exist. A _‘clue’_ Dan had called it... and even if that clue presented itself, what the fuck was he supposed to really do with it?

_Talk about it. Raise everyone’s attention. If the pigs try to avoid it, with thousands breathing down their neck they can’t. I’m doing a good thing. I am. I’m doing something..._

But he wasn’t really. She was still out there. Still in _Steven’s_ hands and 

And Andrew just wanted to be here - in this place where he knew she’d been snatched. It was almost as if being in the same spot she may have stood would’ve given him some sort of insight. 

But of course it didn’t. 

It wouldn’t, he knew.

Just like when he stood on that beach in California and wondered if he was too late - if _Alex_ was dead and he’d broken his promise. He didn’t come to any sudden epiphanies there either. 

~~_Sometimes I think I just like to remind myself of my failure_ _._ ~~

_Anyway_. 

Andrew leaned against the railing of the second level and watched people scurry around like ants. The Christmas decorations were still up, and it looked like every movie that had ever taken place in New York City. 

He sighed. 

He loved this city. He loved being here when he was at Columbia and the freedom and anonymity you couldn’t get in South Carolina... 

He also really fucking hated it -

His phone buzzed with a text and he almost ignored it before remembering he’d set the others on their own tasks. He didn’t expect them to actually find anything, which is why when he opened the text from Seth and read the message, he ran.

* * *

Seth leaned against the wall next to the Magnolia Bakery in Penn Station’s New York lower concourse waiting for Andrew. They’d found something, and while he was elated and horrified and shocked, he was really just along for the ride... he didn’t expect actually getting directly involved. 

His patience was waning fast. Matt stood next to him, looking at his shoes and trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Seth knew he was trying not to draw attention to himself. They’d been stopped by no less than five people on their way there, wanting to get his autograph and picture. Seth had made doe eyes at Matt behind his back, hoping someone would write that they were fucking, because that shit would be hilarious. 

Nothing seemed very funny right then. 

To distract himself, Seth thought about what a fucking horrible idea it was to bring Matt to Penn Station in general. While the streets of New York seemed generally safe so long as they avoided tourist areas, this was the beating heart, the hub of Manhattan as a whole. Everyone congregated here to travel in and out and why in the fuck had Matt agreed to this? 

Seth thought about asking, but the answer would probably have something to do with the fact that they all had to make sacrifices to find this little girl... and what a fucking trivial thing it was to think about. God forbid he be minorly inconvenienced by autographs and pictures when there was a bigger issue ahead. 

So, instead he asked, “How much booty do you pull?”

Matt looked at him, and screwed up his face. “Seth, what the fuck?”

“Well,” Seth started as if the question was obvious, eyes widening, “I mean as a professional athlete, you know? You fuck guys? I’m sorry that’s rude. But do you? Not gonna lie you seem like you’ve sucked a dick or two -“ when Matt’s eyes just squinted, as if trying to figure out what was wrong with him, Seth rolled his eyes and sighed. “Come on man... I can’t stand still on a good day and this is a really bad fucking day.” This job was going to kill him. He knew he was softie, but all these little girls dead and missing was doing a fucking number on him. He thanked his mama’s god for Dion, for probably the millionth time. He loved that man so goddamn much. “Just humor me. Give me a distraction.”

Matt rolled his own eyes and in favor of ignoring the gasping, giggling teenage girls that stared from Au Bon Pain across the way, decided to say, “You know I’m with Dan, right?” Seth just raised a brow, “I haven’t been with anyone else since the first time I saw her picture on the website.” Then, he was looking at Seth, but he wasn’t. 

_What a fucking sap._

Seth pulled out his phone, “Since you saw her picture?” 

“What are you doing?”

“Googling the definition of pussy whipped because I think you might pop up.”

Matt laughed good naturedly. Seth liked that about him. He was always positive. Seth envied it. He tried to be positive too, but sometimes it was really, _really_ hard for him. He had to fight against his inner shit every single day. Matt made it look easy. 

“Yeah, man. I’m whipped.” He shrugged. “I’m not ashamed of it. I knew as soon as I saw her. Sounds stupid, but I don’t really care.”

“Nah, that’s not stupid... but, really though, how much?” He pushed. “What’s the dick to pussy ratio?”

“What did you find?”

Seth jumped and clutched a hand to his chest, spinning around. He almost started searching the bustling crowd to find the voice because no one was there, until he looked down to see Andrew - tiny and furious, looking like he’d strangle them both if they didn’t give him what he wanted. 

_He looks like shit..._

He thought Andrew would’ve slept great last night, considering he and Neil had Matt’s whole apartment to do whatever it was they did... That fucking hickey on his neck certainly told a story - but his eyes were exhausted, haunted. Almost vacant. He was clearly trying not to let this get to him - trying to push this down with all the other shit he kept locked up. Seth knew because he did the same thing. He and Andrew were so much alike, but Seth thought Andrew might punch him if he pointed that out right now. 

Or ever. 

He might be tiny, but he was fucking jacked. 

“We talked to the guy in the bakery,” Matt said, gesturing towards it with his head. There was no line at the moment, but the shop front had been overflowing five minutes ago. “Said he saw them.” 

Andrew crossed his arms over his chest and Seth saw his nostrils flare slightly. He didn’t know if he was pissed or pleased. _How the fuck does Neil live with him?_

“You record the conversation?” 

Seth shook his head. “Nah, he was just starting his shift but said he could take a break in…” he looked down at his watch. “Right now actually.”

He and Matt turned to lead Andrew to the small confections counter. The guy they were to talk to was boxing up an order. He glanced at them with a nod, then finished tying off a knot, before he took off the green Magnolia hat and set it on the counter beside the register. 

He was cute. The kind of ambiguous that meant he could’ve been mixed or latino or both and Seth liked that. He flashed a smile at him and the guy smiled back, his skin darkening just a bit with a blush. Seth didn’t want it, Dion was waiting for him and he was more than enough for Seth... But he liked knowing he could and - and this wasn’t the time to be thinking about shit like that, but if he thought anymore about Haylie Clark right then he might break down and then Andrew would _definitely_ punch him.

 _ADHD is fucking wild sometimes_. 

Matt shook his hand and the poor guy looked starstruck. Seth briefly flashed back to the first time Matt had walked into the studio and pushed the thought away. He’d made more of an ass of himself in other situations, he was sure... Anyway, cute guy turned the sign on one of the displays to **CLOSED** and then leaned on the counter with his elbows. 

“Sorry for the delay. This time of day is usually slow, but being New Years and all...” cute guy trailed off and Seth just smiled, waving his hand like the wait was no problem. 

Andrew didn’t have that kind of patience. He pulled a recorder from his pocket that he must’ve picked up on his way to Grand Central. ‘ _I don’t trust phones’_. Seth shook his head. Fucking weirdo.

“Do you mind if we record?” Andrew asked. It was a courtesy, Seth knew. Andrew fiddled with the recorder, making sure it worked, going all business. 

“Sure, whatever. I have twenty minutes until my break is over so this has to be quick.”

Andrew stopped what he was doing and looked up at the guy. Seth saw his nostrils flare again. Fucker was scenting blood.

“Hey, yeah, we’ll make it quick,” Seth said before shit could go south. “No problem. Just tell us what you know quickly.”

Andrew glared at him, but ultimately hit record. 

**RECORD ON**

“Name?” 

“Luis Ramirez.”

At least part latino then. Seth wasn’t losing his touch.

“Spell it,” Andrew demanded. 

“ _Please_ ,” Matt said, and Seth cringed. 

Andrew looked up at Matt and it was one of almost surprise. That surprised turned to automatic anger at Matt, then almost... at himself? Seth was having a hard time keeping up, but he knew Andrew had something against that word. He didn’t know why, but being raised in Alabama where you said the word ‘please’ or you got hit, had been a detriment to Seth for the first time in his life when he’d met Andrew.

“Shut the fuck up Lloyd, I don’t like that word.” 

“That’s Matt _Boyd_ ,” Luis said. “The professional backliner.” He looked like he wanted to add a ‘ _duh’_ to the end of that. Seth was glad he didn’t, for his sake. 

“Thank you so much for the information, Mr. Ramirez. Did you see this man?” Luis looked startled at the sudden change of topic, but obediently looked at Andrew’s phone when it was placed in front of him. 

“I mean, I can’t see his face, you know? But looks like the same white guy with a black Yankee cap and a black jacket. Had a little girl with him.”

Seth crossed his arms over his stomach. Any distraction that he could’ve possibly mustered up evaporated. He didn’t want to be here, if was being honest... But he also didn’t want to look like an asshole and walk away.

He _wanted_ to help. He also wanted to cry. 

He’d just have to save that for later when he and Dion were alone. 

“Describe the little girl.” Andrew was in robot mode. No emotion, no inflection in his tone. He was shut down. Seth hadn’t been able to do that effectively since he quit the pills, and part of him envied Andrew for being able to do it so easily. 

“Blonde hair, looked maybe five? She was wearing a big puffy pink jacket and white sneakers. I only remember that because her shoes were untied...” Luis shrugged, guilt in his eyes. “I couldn’t see her face. It was around 1:30ish in the morning, you know? We were about to close after the New Year’s Eve rush, and he was holding her. She was asleep on his shoulder.”

“Possible chloroform?” Andrew said into the recorder. 

Luis looked startled. “What?”

“Did he say anything?” Andrew carried on. “Maybe where they were going?”

“No,” Luis glanced at Seth and Matt. He focused back on Andrew when the two of them couldn’t provide the context he was probably searching for. “Nothing like that. Just ordered a christmas cupcake and had me box it up for him. I assumed it was for the girl.”

“Can you describe in more detail what he looked like?” Andrew tapped a finger on the arm that held the recorder. 

Luis shrugged. “5’8, 5’9 maybe. Brown hair, brown eyes. White. Uhhh, his ears were kind of big? I don’t know man... he just looked like a white guy.”

“Yeah, well we all do look exactly the same,” Andrew said, snidely. Matt huffed beside him. He had to be hating Andrew’s terrible fucking manners. 

“Is there anything else?” Andrew asked. “Anything at all? Even if it seems unimportant?”

Luis shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

Andrew reached in his bag and pulled out a card. A fucking card. When did he even get those? “If you remember anything, call me, okay? Doesn’t matter what or when.”

Luis just nodded. He reached in his pocket and ripped a small piece of paper off of a crumpled receipt and a pen from where it’d been hanging on his apron. He wrote a number on it and instead of handing it to Andrew, gave it to Seth. 

“Call me if you need anything else.”

Seth looked down at the number, then back up a Luis who was giving him a very _knowing_ grin. 

Andrew snatched it before Seth could open his mouth. 

“There’s a child missing you piece of shit. Fuck off.” He turned on his heel and left, Matt muttering apologies before following. Seth looked at a stunned Luis one more time and clapped him on the shoulder. 

**RECORD OFF**

“You cute, but I got a man. Also, there’s a fucking child missing, the fuck?” 

He jogged to catch up with Andrew and Matt. They were headed towards the escalator that led to the New Jersey side of Penn - probably to look around where Steven might’ve gotten on with Haylie. 

“We’ve already been up here,” Matt said. “We didn’t find anything.”

“Then leave. I don’t need you here,” Andrew mumbled without turning around.

“Nah. We’re gonna stick around.” Seth said on impulse. He wasn’t leaving. Andrew wasn’t okay and neither was he so they were just gonna be fucked up together for a minute. Felt better that way.

Walking slowly around the terminal, none of them spoke, but their eyes were darting. They walked for what must have been another hour. Seth’s mind wandered, but he kept an eye out - for what, he didn’t really know. He was just glad they were doing something.

Even if it was nothing. 

Five or ten minutes passed before he almost ran straight into Andrew when he stopped dead. “Hey, so if I touch you, you’ll punch me. Next time let me know when you’re gonna stop in front of me like that -“

Andrew didn’t respond. Seth waved a hand in front of his face and then followed his line of vision. 

“Fuck.”

Did he say that? Or did Andrew? Where was Matt? 

_Jesus fuck... she was here._

She was right here and he fucking _took_ her...

Sitting on the ground next to the stairs leading down to one of the tracks, were a pair of child sized purple glasses. Seth turned around and closed his eyes. 

_I fucking hate this job sometimes..._

Andrew approached them slowly, like they were a rabid fox instead of innocent children’s glasses... He squatted in front of them and stared. Matt went to his knees and reached out a hand to take them. Andrew slapped it away.

“What the fuck-”

“Don’t fucking touch them. We have to call the cops. There could be prints or something on them.” He took out his phone and snapped a picture. Then he sat on the ground, pulled out his phone, and dialed a number. 

“I need to speak to detective Walsh.”

* * *

Andrew didn’t want to call the cops. He didn’t trust them - knew they still wouldn’t take him seriously. 

He told Walsh about the glasses and the guy who’d ‘allegedly’ seen them. 

He tried to convince him _once again_ that it was the same man; that they were headed to Newark; that that’s where Haylie would be. 

Walsh told him they’d look into it and then told him to leave so they could work. 

“You’re welcome for doing your job, asshole,” he’d said as he turned around and left, Matt and Seth on his heels.

They were on the way back to Allison’s now. He sat on the train and stewed. Part of him kept saying he shouldn’t have called them, that he should’ve just taken the info and used it to keep tracking Steven down because _fuck the cops_. But his ethical reporting standards wouldn’t let him. They needed that info and they needed to run those glasses for prints. Andrew didn’t have the resources to do those things and while he knew the police would never tell him if anything came up, it still needed to be done. 

Besides, he still had the knowledge that Steven had _been there_ , and he’d be damned if he was going to sit around and do fucking nothing. 

“So, what’s up with you and lover boy?”

Andrew closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. He’d managed not to directly think about Neil this entire time. 

Fucking Seth. 

“Mind your own fucking business,“ he murmured. “There’s nothing going on.”

“Didn’t look that way to me. It’s my business when it affects my work life if shit goes south. I’m just sayin. Give us a heads up.”

Andrew looked at him blankly. 

He was stone. 

He must be. 

He couldn’t feel his heart break anymore - couldn’t even feel the burn from the three cigarettes he’d smoked on his way to their station two blocks away. 

He could see with his eyes, but everything was gray. 

They were stone, too.

At least the nicotine _tick tick ticked_ through his veins. 

“Listen,” Seth said quietly, his smile falling from his face. “I don’t know if there’s something going on or not, but don’t fuck this up. You got a person that puts up with your bullshit and still fucking loves you.” Andrew blinked. “Yeah, I said ‘love’, you little fucker. I wouldn’t trade Dion for anything, but I know what it’s like to have it and lose it and just... don’t. You’re tryna push him away and that’s fucked up. You need him and you know it.”

Andrew didn’t respond. He moved down to another seat, leaving Seth and Matt and their _opinions,_ and pulled his moleskine from his bag. He got out his chewed up purple pen and turned to a blank page, wiping away dirt that wasn’t really there. Then, he wrote.

X

XXX xx 

XXX

X XX

XXXXXxxxxXXXxXXxXXX X

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

* * *

Neil’s head shot up when the door opened. Matt and Seth walked in looking tired and worried. Seth beelined for Dion and pulled him into a bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Matt sat on the couch next to Dan with a heavy sigh, and wrapped his arms around her when she climbed into his lap, burying his face in her neck. He knew they’d found something, but he didn’t know what yet. 

_Because I had to sit in this fucking apartment and wait instead of doing_ **_something_ ** . **_Anything_ ** _._

“Where’s Andrew?” 

“Outside smoking his tenth cigarette. I didn’t even know he smoked,” Matt mumbled, rubbing a hand across Dan’s thigh and melting into her touch. 

Neil ground his teeth. He was so fucking mad. Every second he sat there _waiting_ fueled his fucking anger. And now, Andrew was outside chain smoking after he’d stopped for so _goddamn_ long. After _promising_ Neil he was fucking done and

Neil snatched his coat from the back of a chair and didn’t bother with gloves or his hat or anything else. He stomped his way out of the building, ignoring Renee’s look, and found Andrew leaning against the brick, head back and eyes closed, cigarette dangling loosely between two fingers.

And he _couldn’t._ He just fucking couldn’t. 

Neil stopped and that anger? That sizzling beneath his skin and fire rising in his throat subsided. He _tried_ to hold onto it - wanted to, even. He was primed for a fight, ready to throw verbal jabs and get as good as he gave. But he _couldn’t_... Not when Andrew looked so fucking defeated - not when Neil could see the shake in his hand, even from where he stood several yards way. 

Neil sighed and made his way slowly over. He leaned on the wall next to him. 

Andrew didn’t open his eyes. “You and Renee find anything?”

“No... But then again, you knew we wouldn’t, didn’t you?” There was no heat behind it, and Andrew just shrugged and took a long drag, the cherry turning bright red as it burned. 

Neil sighed, turning his eyes up to the gray sky. It was almost dark now. He didn’t know when everyone else was due to leave. Matt and Dan would probably hang around at least, probably to spend some more time with Matt’s mom. He knew Andrew would want to stay, and Neil wasn’t going anywhere without him. _No matter what._

He took a deep breath and let the acrid scent of Andrew’s vice sting his nostrils. Andrew turned his head to look at him, and Neil turned his own to look back. 

_You feel so impossibly far..._ but he wasn’t - not really. Their shoulders almost touched and their breaths mingled where the cold air turned each exhale to a cloud -

But there was a chasm. Neil could practically see it, running the length between them, between those scant inches where their shoulders didn’t quite meet. He reached a hand over to Andrew’s side, just to reassure himself he still could. He wanted to make sure that it wasn’t so deep, so wide that all hope was lost. He found Andrew’s hand there, almost waiting for his own, and he slowly wrapped his pinky around Andrew’s gloved one and held his breath.

Andrew didn’t pull away. Instead he tore his eyes from Neil’s face, took one more drag, then flicked the cigarette away. Neil watched its descent to the pavement, felt Andrew’s hand move to properly hold his own, before leading him back inside. 

_This is fine. We’re fine. Everything is fine._

Once back in the living room, everyone gathered to go over what they knew. Andrew took one of the white boards that had been bought and propped it up against the big flat screen TV at the front of the room. Neil expected Allison to complain, but she just sat next to Renee and put a hand on her thigh, waiting to hear what Andrew had to say. Seth and Dion emerged from a bedroom, and Neil noted Seth’s eyes looked a bit red. Crying or tired? Probably both, knowing Seth. It was interesting how the shit he’d been through hadn’t touched his soft interior. Seth wasn’t jaded like Neil and Andrew were. He took everything to heart and let it torture him.

Neil looked back to Andrew and corrected himself. Andrew wasn’t as jaded as he liked people to think. He was just really adept at hiding it. 

_Anyway_. 

Once everyone was gathered, Andrew took his recorder from his pocket, clicked it on, laid it in the center of the coffee table, then turned to start writing on the board with his thin, tight print. At the top he wrote **Haylie Clark** and underlined it. 

**RECORD ON**

“Here’s what we know,” he started, with no preamble. “Steven snatched Haylie from Grand Central Station around 1AM.” He wrote it down. “According to the news, Witnesses told police it was a white guy in a black hat and jacket. There’s a CCTV still of the guy. Renee,” he pointed his marker at her. “If you can print that out?” Then dropped his arm to look at Robin. He continued, “And you ID’d him as Steven.”

Neil looked to Robin and she just nodded. He could tell she was keeping it together for this little girl. She wanted to help, but Neil thought for her own sake that she should probably be kept at arm’s length. She still had her own trauma to think about.

“And here’s what we found,” Andrew wrote while he talked, and his already messy handwriting looked like a shaky scrawl at that point. “They were at Penn Station, we can only assume to catch a train to Newark. Matt and Seth found an employee at the Magnolia Bakery who had seen them. Steven allegedly stopped with Haylie, who the employee described as asleep, and bought a Christmas cupcake to go.”

“Why wasn’t she screaming and yelling if she was kidnapped?” Allison interrupted. “Wouldn’t she have been crying, at least?”

“He drugged her,” Robin spoke up. They all turned to look at her but she was focused on the board. “Sometimes if I was crying about my parents or having a tantrum, he would give me what he called ‘medicine’. Maybe it was, I don’t know. I just know that when he gave it to me, I would fall asleep pretty quickly after.”

“Benadryl?” Dan asked. “Some sort of allergy medicine?”

“Maybe,” Andrew said. “But getting a kid to drink something from a stranger? Maybe it was something like chloroform. Easy to use and stronger, to make sure she stayed out, so he’d just look like a doting father carrying his sleeping child.”

To Neil’s right, Seth buried his face into Dion’s neck and Dion kissed his head. Neil looked away. His chest was too tight again.

After Andrew wrote down the last bit, he continued. “We also found her glasses.” Renee actually gasped out loud and put a hand to her mouth. Andrew pulled up the picture he’d taken on his phone and passed it around. “I compared them with the picture on the news just to make sure, but it’s them.” His voice lowered and he played with his lip ring briefly. “Renee, print that out, too.”

She just nodded. 

“Did you take them?” Allison cautiously asked, but Andrew shook his head. 

“I called the cops. Trust me, I didn’t fucking want to,” he said at the dubious looks around the room. Allison just nodded. “I didn’t have a choice. They needed the info and it’s not like I can run prints from this apartment. We’ve confirmed that they went through Penn. That’s enough right now.” He finished the last bit on the board and stood back so everyone could see. “Renee, did you and Neil find anything online?”

He knew they hadn’t. Neil didn’t know why he was putting on a show of even asking. 

~~Or why he asked her, instead of him.~~

Renee shook her head. “All the stories we found were basically the same. No comments from anyone, saying that they knew anything.”

“It’s still early, so we should keep an eye on that.” Andrew tapped his chin with the now capped marker, leaning against the entertainment console. He crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I’m going to figure this out,” he said, speaking to all of them, but mostly, Neil thought, to himself. “Robin has told us Haylie may have a little time before…” His flinch was small, barely there, but Neil saw the way his eyes tightened and shoulders tensed. Andrew cleared his throat. “We may have a little time,” he said quieter. It didn’t last. “So, I’m staying in New York for now. I need everyone doing their jobs at home to make sure things are running smoothly. Seth and Renee have other jobs they have to get back to. Dan, I don’t know if you need to be back in studio for Dayly Exy, but I don’t need any of you to stay here. You’re more use to me where I can call you to post whatever audio or message I may need to the website.”

“I’m here until the semester starts and I have to deal with the interns,” Dan said. “Matt and I are staying with his mom, so you’ll have us here.”

“Alli and I have to get back to Miami,” Dion said. He looked down at Seth with a pained expression. He wanted to stay with him. “But we’ll be around if you need anything.”

Andrew nodded and looked to Neil. 

_And me, Andrew?_ Neil raised a challenging brow. Did he expect him to have to say out loud that he was staying? _Of course I’m fucking staying._

Andrew looked away first.

“Neil and I will stay here, if Reynolds has no objections.” 

_That’s fucking right._

Allison shook her head. “It’s fine. I’ll let security know. Just don’t ruin another one of my cars. I know I have spares but they’re precious, asshole.”

“No promises.” Andrew stood up straight and set down the marker. “Okay. Let’s catch a _real_ monster.”

**RECORD OFF**

* * *

_Let’s catch a real monster._

As if it were so easy. 

Andrew sat on the roof of Allison’s apartment. It was freezing, but he needed the fresh air. 

He and Neil were the only ones left now - everyone else scattered. He pulled his legs up on his chair and buried his nose in the scarf Bee had made him. 

Everything was still gray, and Andrew had trouble figuring out if it was just the Manhattan winter, or if it was actually his eyes.

The door to the roof opened, but Andrew didn’t look as Neil sat beside him. This was where they’d sat so many months ago - when everything started. It seemed like a dream, sometimes. Shit like pinky promises, and crushes, and a want so deep it hurt were for other people. 

Not him.

_Not me._

“It’s fucking freezing out here,” Neil commented, quietly. 

Andrew buried his face further into his scarf. 

They sat in silence for a long time. Andrew knew that there was something shifting - something he hated, but didn’t feel like he had a right to stop. 

He was glad they could still sit next to each other quietly like this though, and take comfort from it. 

“This isn’t your fault, you know.” Andrew looked over to find Neil studying his hands. _No gloves._ He never fucking wore gloves. Andrew took his own off his hands and started to slide them on to Neil’s. 

“I never said it was.” One glove on, careful to fit each finger in its proper place.

“You didn’t have to.”

Andrew debated not answering as he slid the second glove over Neil’s freckled, brown hand, thin fingers disappearing into its knitted depths. 

_I’m being an asshole._ He knew that. He wasn’t immune to his own general fuckery. 

_‘You’re self destructive, Andrew. Why are you afraid of your own happiness?’_

Andrew rubbed his ear on his shoulder, then squeezed both of Neil’s hands in his own to warm them up before he answered. “I took too long. I spent too much time trying to contact all of the families, trying to put it together in my head. I should’ve started this months ago. We could have had him by now.”

“Maybe,” Neil said, taking his hands back and leaning against the seat once more. “But probably not. This would’ve still happened, and we’d be doing exactly what we are right now.”

“We’d still be better prepared, have more information.” Andrew shrugged, trying to look unaffected. Trying to _be_ unaffected. 

_I am stone._

“I let Robin down,” he continued. “She trusted me to do this... All of them did - all of the families. I told them I’d find him.”

“That was stupid.”

Andrew snapped his head to look at Neil. He wanted to say, ‘ _excuse me?’_ He wanted to say, _‘wow thanks for the vote of confidence.’_ He wanted to say, ‘ _thank you for not bullshitting me like everyone else.’_

Because of course Neil would be the one to tell him exactly how it was. 

Neil just looked back steadily. “You need to stop promising people things you don’t know you can deliver. We might not find him, Andrew.”

_Buzz_

Anger swelled inside him, too close to the surface. Everything was just _too close_ right now.

“We’re _going_ to fucking find him. Why are you even here if you feel that way? If you think this is so fucking pointless, you should go back to Palmetto. I can do this on my own.”

_Andrew, no - buzz buzz buzz -_

But he _had_ to believe that. He had to or he would lose it... He was _already_ losing it and the only reason he hadn’t unraveled completely, was because he had a mission. Nothing was more important than that right now. 

~~_I want King._ ~~

A muscle feathered in Neil’s jaw. “If that’s what you need to believe, then fine. I’m here because I want to figure this out and I want to find him, too. But I’m not going to delude myself into thinking it’s going to be easy, or that there won’t be obstacles. You do this to yourself and then you take the blame when shit happens because it’s easier for you to deal with than to admit that some things are out of your control.”

Andrew pulled out his pack of cigarettes. The third since he picked the first one up only yesterday. Part of him knew he was doing it just to piss Neil off. Part of him didn’t care. 

Part of him was yelling inside about what a fucking idiot he was.

“Gee, Neil. You should use that Christmas present I got you and go to school for psychology. Maybe it’ll give you something to do besides be on my ass all the time.” He lit his cigarette and took a slow drag, not turning to see those words hit - sink in. 

Neil stood and looked down at him. “You should try eating something besides cigarettes.” He slammed the door when he left.

Everything was going to shit, and Andrew felt right at home in the middle of it.

* * *

_‘He loves you Neil, and I think that scares him.’_

What the fuck did Renee know, anyway? This was why Neil had a hard time trusting her. He couldn’t wrap his brain around her. She drew you in with her soft voice and positive attitude and neutral stance. She was just fucking with him.

_She had to be._

Neil was trying very hard to be understanding. He went into _this,_ _Andrew_ , knowing that there were things he didn’t totally understand. He knew Andrew had issues and that was fine because Neil had issues, too. They were both fucked up, just in different ways. But, Andrew was spiraling and Neil could see that. He just couldn’t see what to _do_ about it. 

~~It was tearing him apart _._~~

Later that night, after Andrew had tried to hurt Neil with words on the roof, they lay together in bed. Neil was surprised Andrew didn’t sleep somewhere else, not like he was complaining. Even if he was mad at him, he felt better having him close. Things felt... fragile. _Andrew_ felt fragile in this way he hadn’t before.

“I’m going to write a piece,” he’d said quietly. The sheer curtains in the room let in the silvery glow of the moon, and it reflected off the metal of Andrew’s glasses. He was forever forgetting to take them off when he went to bed. Neil couldn’t count the number of times he’d caught Andrew asleep with them crooked on his face. Neil reached over now and plucked them off, closing the arms gently and reaching over Andrew to put them on the table next to his side of the bed. 

Neil laid back down and turned on his side. They faced each other, not touching, but close. The chasm was still there, too. It yawned wider every time Neil dared to look. 

“A piece about Steven?”

Andrew nodded into his pillow. He’d been stressing over his next move. Together, they’d scoured the internet and message boards, tried to find any clue that someone might know something. He’d talked about taking the train over to Newark, but he didn’t want to go poking around. He didn’t want to make their presence known and tip Steven into doing something with Haylie. They were both afraid he’d panic and kill her before they could even find him.

“The podcast reaches a lot of people, but if I can convince my old editor at the Times to run a peice I write about it, maybe it’ll reach the right person. Someone out there _has_ to know something,” he repeated for probably the fifth time that day. Neil didn’t mind. “Someone knows him or knows there’s something off.”

Neil smiled a little. “I think that’s a good idea,” because writing was what Andrew did. He always had a pen in his hand and half the time, Neil was sure it was podcast related. But the other half... the other half he didn’t know. He wanted to. He wanted to see what Andrew wrote about when he let his mind wander... 

Maybe writing this piece would put him at ease. Maybe it would relieve some of the pressure.

_Maybe we can get back to normal._

“I’ll start tomorrow. I want to have it ready when I talk to her.”

-

Andrew wrote all weekend. He shut himself in a random windowed room with his laptop and coffee, and Neil rarely saw him. He kept trying to feed him - to make him eat _something_. When Sunday came, Neil left telling himself he’d get Pierogies to try and tempt him. 

Instead he found himself sitting up in the rafters of the Lynxes stadium with Matt, swinging his legs over the edge and letting himself feel small. 

“Minyard still being a dick?”

Matt sat next to him, long legs folded and leaning back on his hands. It was nice being here with him. Matt didn’t have any expectations. 

“Not really. He’s just... quiet. He blames himself that Steven took another one.”

Matt nodded and sat up straight, resting his arms on the railing in front of him. “That’s what Dan said he was doing. Said he takes shit to heart. I said he didn’t have a heart. She told me to shut up.”

The annoyance Neil felt rose so swiftly, he almost stood up and walked away. But, he didn’t. Because it’s not like Andrew was doing much to prove Matt wrong, at the moment. 

“Don’t say shit like that, Matt. You don’t even really know him. These past few months have been…” He didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t make him sound delusional. “Good. We match, you know? We’ve both been through shit. We both have demons. For each other, we make the burden of carrying them a little lighter, I think.”

“And right now?”

“Right now... he’s quiet.”

Matt sighed and looked over the empty court. Then, “I proposed to Dan.”

“What?!” It echoed around the stadium and made Neil wince. He tried again, quieter. “What’d she say? Are you fucking kidding me?! When did this happen?” He tried to remember if he’d somehow missed a ring on Dan’s finger or something but,

“A few weeks ago in my kitchen.” Matt mumbled. His smile was sheepish. Neil just stared at him. “She didn’t hear me,” he sighed. “There was music and she was wearing my shirt and dancing around the kitchen - she was cooking for me and it just... hit me.”

“But she didn’t hear you?”

“No. And when she turned around and asked what I said, I chickened out and told her nothing. It wasn’t the right time. I’d marry her tomorrow if she’d let me, but I know, for her, it has to be different. I have to respect that.”

Neil nodded like he understood, but he didn’t - not really. He didn’t really get the whole marriage thing to begin with, but it definitely seemed like it was too soon for Matt to be asking. 

“So what wisdom are you wanting me to glean from this? Because I know you... It’s something.”

Matt shrugged, not as guilty as Neil thought he should’ve been. “I guess I’m saying sometimes in a relationship, you have to take into account the way the other person feels about things, even if you feel great about them. I know Dan loves me, and I have no doubt we’ll get married one day. But if you feel like _you_ feel one way about Andrew, and he’s not returning that feeling, then maybe you have to make the choice for both of you.”

Neil pressed his lips together. Matt was telling him to break it off with Andrew. He was telling him that Andrew didn’t feel the same way Neil did. 

“It’s not like that, Matt. He’s going through some shit. What kind of partner would I be if I ran away when he needed me?”

Matt looked him square in the eye. “Even if it means being a punching bag?”

Neil did stand then, unable to take it.

_Enough._

He left Matt sitting there and took the back way he remembered out of the stadium. 

_He doesn’t know what he’s talking about._

He’d never liked Andrew - thought he wasn’t good enough for Neil. 

He didn’t know anything. 

Neil picked up pierogies on his way to Allison’s, and wondered if he was a fool the entire journey back to Andrew.

* * *

Sometimes when Andrew wrote, it was like molasses. It flowed, but it was thick and heavy and slow to pour. But sometimes, like this time, it was like water - rushing out in a stream so quick, it was hard for him to stay ahead of it. He knew what he needed to say, knew what emotions he wanted invoke and where he needed the reader to go in order to feel what he needed them to feel. 

This was an informative piece, but the facts were interspersed with depth and meaning that would incite outrage, and a demand for action.

However, he knew it would be short lived. People were petty and when something more shiny grabbed their attention, they’d be done with whatever it was you needed them for. Andrew knew media and he knew people. He just needed the shine to last long enough for someone to get them some real information.

_Or for someone to convince the NYPD to take me seriously._

He emailed his old editor at the Times, a woman named Sharon Nadler who took no shit and hated Andrew. _But she loved my writing._ She’d emailed him a few times when he was at the Boston Globe to tell him when he had a particularly good piece published, like he didn’t already know. 

However, she didn’t appreciate his writing enough to go against his blacklisting and give him a job after his Moriyama inspired Globe firing. 

EA Multimedia Corporation owned the Times, too. 

He was hoping his current notariety would mean the blacklisting was insignificant when people would read what he wrote just because it was him. He’d told her what he was working on in the email, and she agreed to meet with him Monday afternoon.

He spent the morning editing and re-editing, making sure it was perfect. He had Neil read it, pacing in front of him while he sat on the couch silently looking it over. 

“It’s perfect,” he’d said with a shrug. “I’m not a writer, but if I were reading it I’d be pissed. You did what you do, Andrew. It was always going to be perfect.”

 _There_ . Right there. There was that _thing_ that kept threatening to crack his shell made of stone - that ever present confidence in him, the steady rhythm of attention and care and concern. He’d come to realize in just the last few days, when he could take the time to recognize that he was pushing Neil away to spare himself the pain when he inevitably decided to leave, that he needed him. Andrew needed Neil like he’d once needed Bee, ~~more~~ but in a different way, and that scared the fuck out of him. 

It meant that when Neil finally came to his senses, Andrew would be left reeling in his wake and he was certain not even Bee would be able to bring him back from that spiral.

_Stone. Stone. I am stone._

Andrew took a deep breath. “Thanks. Are you coming with me to the Times?”

Neil had smiled _that_ smile and Andrew watched the way his full lips stretched on his face. “Of course I am. You could try and stop me, but you’d regret it and I really don’t feel like being angry with you again.”

_Again._

_-_

Several hours later, Andrew was unable to pace as Sharon read his piece. Instead, he settled for bouncing his leg up and down and shooting glances at Neil out of the corner of his eye. 

Finally, she set the clipped papers down and removed her glasses, letting them hang by a chain around her neck. “You could’ve just emailed me this, you know.”

“No can do, Shar,” Andrew said. “I want your word it’ll be printed before I give you the goods.”

She sighed and leaned back in her big black executive chair, crossing her arms over her chest. She hadn’t changed a single bit since his time here. Same stick straight black hair, curled under just slightly at the shoulder, same hard black eyes - she was the only person he knew whose skin was paler than his own. 

“I seem to remember threatening to remove your balls with my fingernails if you called me Shar one more time while you were here.”

“And yet here I sit, balls fully intact.”

“Still a little punk I see.”

“Afraid so,” he inhaled, “So,” he gestured to the papers on her desk. “What do you think?”

She picked them up again and flipped through. “Brilliant work, as always. You may be the most annoying person I’ve ever met, but I would never pretend you don’t have a gift. I want this printed ASAP.” She put them down and looked up at him again. “Any chance we could get Robin Cross in here? Have her do an interview? We could do a companion piece, get more eyes on this thing.”

“No,” Andrew said immediately. It’d been hard enough for her to talk to him and Neil, no way was he going to throw her to the wolves. “There’s a transcript of the interview we did with her on our website. If you want to send people there, fine. But that’s all I can give you.”

Sharon waved a hand at him. “Fine, fine.” She looked to Neil and Andrew had the sudden urge to throw himself in front of him. “What about you? Nathaniel Wesninski back from the dead? I saw that you gave an interview to Shae. He’s nice to look at but a mediocre reporter. Want to sit down with someone here and tell your story?”

“Can’t say I do. Thanks for the offer though. I promise to call you first if I ever feel the need to publicly humiliate myself.” Neil responded in that... _Neil_ way. 

Andrew felt _himself_ wanting to smile. 

“See that you do. I may have to run this through one or two higher ups, but I don’t see anyone shooting this down. It’ll up our readership for sure. I’ll be in touch.”

Andrew gave her a two fingered salute and stood to leave.

“Oh, and Minyard?”

Andrew turned around to see Sharon standing, hands flat on the desk in front of her. “Let me know when you’re ready to be done with this podcast thing. The world of journalism* needs more people like you.” She looked away without another word and busied herself with a few thick files on her desk. 

Andrew didn’t respond. 

But he did feel lighter when they walked out of the building. He turned to look one more time up at the huge glass windows, the New York Times lettering on the front announcing to the world that they were very important, indeed. Andrew used to hate it - thought it was so fucking pretentious. But now he just felt a sense of nostalgia. He liked his tiny desk in the bullpen with all the other journalists fresh out of school. He missed how they were all just trying to make it without losing their minds. 

~~_I’m still losing my mind._ ~~

Neil grabbed his hand, and Andrew let him. They were _doing_ something now. Getting somewhere. With any luck the piece would be online by tomorrow. They could link it on the website, get as many clicks as possible. The tips would come pouring in, he just knew. 

But that meant for right now, he had to wait. 

They didn’t stray far from the NYT headquarters. Andrew didn’t really know why, but he felt like he needed to stay close in case they had any questions or needed further clarification on anything. 

They walked to St. Kilda’s, and Andrew found he was actually excited to show Neil one of his favorite coffee shops. It wasn’t like it was a secret, it was in Times Square after all. But the appeal had been the fact that it was hidden just enough and held the old New York charm Andrew had used to be so dazzled by, to make it a nice reprieve from the energy of the city. 

And they had damn good coffee.

He and Neil sat and ordered coffee and pastries, and Andrew pulled out his tablet. They went over everything they had for the hundredth time. 

“We’re going to have to go to Newark eventually,” Neil said. He took a sip of his coffee and Andrew studied him for a moment, for some reason remembering that day off the Highline, when they’d finally sat down for the first time. 

_‘Regular coffee?’_

_‘Sounds good.’_

_‘No sugar, right?’_

_‘Sure, stalker.’_

_Buzz_

He blinked his eyes away from Neil, trying to stay in the present. 

“Andrew?”

“Yes, Newark. I know. We’ll have to go soon, but I want to get this piece out first. Hopefully we’ll get some tips that’ll narrow things down for us. I don’t want to spook him. I think he’s toying with us and I think he’s cocky. But, I still don’t trust if we get too close that he won’t just kill her to be rid of her.”

Neil nodded slowly, warming his hands around his cup. “Okay, so when do you think this will realistically be out?”

Andrew started to answer, but his phone buzzed before he could. It was an email from Sharon. 

_That was quick. Maybe they’d put it up today if I can email to them…_

He opened the email and read, his eyes scanning quickly, knuckles tightening on his phone. Neil shifted in his seat, leaning closer. 

“What happened?”

“They’re not going to publish it-“ he somehow forced from between his teeth. 

“What? What the fuck? Why not?”

Neil sounded outraged, but it was muted somehow. Andrew stared at his phone. Seeing only snippets of the email.

_‘...I’m sorry but’_

_‘...completely ridiculous’_

_‘...out of my hands’_

_‘...good luck’_

Andrew stood, almost tipping his chair over as he did. Neil stood with him, zipping his jacket and pulling on the gloves Andrew had reminded him twice to put on before they left. 

“Where are we going?”

“Back to the Times.”

* * *

Neil had to jog to keep up with him, despite the fact that his legs were just a little longer. It was like Andrew had springs in the heels of his boots, he was going so fucking fast. 

He was livid. Obviously. Neil was pissed to. He’d read what Andrew wrote, and it was fucking fantastic. It was exactly what they needed to get out information quickly and to make sure people knew the issues both the NYPD and the Newark Police had. 

Something else had to be going on here. 

They made it back in half the time it took them to get to the coffee shop and Andrew only just managed to reel it in when faced with security in the building. He told them they’d been called back for another meeting with Sharon Nadler and they were somehow let through with very little conversation.

Andrew went straight for her office and opened the door without knocking. Sharon looked at up him calmly, as if she’d been waiting for him to burst through her door like a lunatic this entire time. 

She was with two men. One was older with skin a shade darker than Neil’s. His hair and eyebrows were graying and he wore thin wire framed glasses. The other man had dark hair, but that’s all Neil could see before Andrew started speaking. 

“You want to explain to me why my piece is being squashed? Without bullshit excuses?”

The man with the dark skin stayed quiet, looking down at his hands which were carefully folded in his lap, but the other man stood to face them. 

Neil sucked in a breath and grabbed the back of Andrew’s shirt. He was a Moriyama, there was no mistaking it. Japanese and dressed in an impeccably tailored suit - he had the same EA pin they all wore on the lapel of his jacket. He smiled in a way that probably looked friendly to anyone else, but it was nothing but threatening, to Neil. 

Andrew stopped talking, lips pressed together. He looked to the man and didn’t smile back. “So this is how it is?” He asked, quietly. 

“Mr. Minyard, I apologize for having to remove your article from the possibility of publication. Upon review, it appears to implicate both the New York Police Department and the Newark Police Department-”

“Yeah, that’s the fucking point you lacky,” Andrew interrupted, and Neil’s heart threatened to pound out of his chest. He gripped Andrew’s shirt tighter and tried to pull him back. 

_This wasn’t the place... we finally got he Moriyamas off our backs -_ but it had been made clear that they were expected to behave themselves and come if they were ever called. 

_Still_ -

“Andrew,” Neil said quietly. “Andrew, let’s go.”

Andrew whirled around to face him, fury burning in his eyes. Neil took a step back, not afraid of him, but bracing for whatever Andrew might say that would hurt them even more. However, Andrew opened his mouth, ran eyes over Neil’s face, and closed it again. Neil didn’t know what he saw there. Fear... Worry... _For_ Andrew, not _at_ Andrew. He hoped he knew that. 

Andrew turned and pointed a finger at the man. “You tell him he’s making a mistake. You tell him I’m not breaking any rules.”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you mean, Mr. Minyard.”

Andrew turned and stomped out of the office. He left the building as quickly as he could without having security chase him, and Neil followed, heart still pounding. 

“Fuck,” Andrew hissed. “ _FUCK_!” 

Neil was grateful for New York’s _not my business_ attitude. 

He went to grab Andrew’s arm to try and get him to stop, but Andrew yanked it away and stood still on the sidewalk. 

It was getting late, Neil vaguely thought. 

~~_There’s no way I’ll get him to eat dinner now_...~~

“You need to calm down,” Neil said, quietly. “They’re probably still watching us. You need to act casual until we get back to Allison’s. If they think you’re going to do anything-”

“I _am_ going to do something.” Andrew turned on him, eyes wild - crazed. He started pacing in front of Neil. “I’m going to do fucking something, alright. I don’t care what it is. I don’t care anymore,” he threw his hands out. “I don’t care about police investigations or anything else! I’m going to find this fucker if it kills me.”

~~_No -_ ~~

“Andrew, stop it.” Neil moved in front of him to block his path. “ _It might kill you_ , that’s the fucking point.” 

Andrew stopped and looked him straight in the eye. Andrew’s were empty now... Even the fire had gone out and where they were normally a sweet gold, _honey_ Neil had always thought, they were more brown, now. Dark and vacant. 

“I don’t care.”

He turned for the subway, and all Neil could do was follow.

* * *

Andrew recorded a message while they were waiting on the platform. He needed tips and he needed them now. His piece was going to be the catalyst for that. 

But now, it didn’t matter.

He sent out a plea for listeners to send in tips - no matter how inconsequential something may have seemed, Andrew still needed them. He sent it to Seth to post on the website ASAP. 

“Do you want to get dinner?” Neil asked as they walked to Allison’s. “We could stop and get pierogies again. Maybe even waffles?”

“I’m not hungry. Feed yourself if you need to.”

Neil didn’t speak again until they made it to the apartment. Andrew pulled up his laptop and made sure Seth had posted his message. He checked his TFN email again, and made Neil check his too, just for good measure. 

Nothing. 

No tips. 

Not yet. 

_It’s only been a little bit. They’d come in. They had to._

He was on the roof with a cigarette when Neil found him. He watched as he approached and found that Neil was gray now, too. When had that happened? He blinked hard to try and will it away, but he couldn’t - couldn’t bring back the bright blue of his eyes or the deep pink of his lips... Something about that made Andrew impossibly sad, where before there had been only anger. 

_Stone. Stone. I am stone._

He felt the impassiveness of his expression and lit another cigarette as he leaned his back against the cold railing and Neil came to stand in front of him. 

“So, promises don’t mean shit to you anymore, huh?” 

Andrew took a drag and flicked the ash off the end. He sighed. Exhaustion like he hadn’t felt in years settled in his bones. 

“Just say whatever the fuck you’re trying to say.”

“You promised you were done smoking. After I found you in Colorado...” he stopped there, looking away from Andrew. Maybe he was remembering their time there... The back porch where Andrew had smoked stale cigarettes, the water where they swam naked with nothing but the moon and stars as witness, the shower where he’d let Neil take him apart and make him _feel_.

Andrew took another drag in response, while his pinky ached to be cracked because ~~_I had promised._ ~~

Instead, he pulled his phone out of his pocket when it started to ring. It was a blocked number. 

Neil laughed under his breath. It sounded more like a scoff. Andrew looked up at him.

“I told you.”

He swiped to answer and put it on speaker. 

He said nothing and waited. 

‘ _Mr. Minyard_ ,’ came the voice of Ichirou Moriyama. _‘I thought you understood your place?_ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * regarding Sharon talking about Journalism. We know that podcasting is still VERY MUCH JOURNALISM. But this is an executive at the new york times, so we took some liberties in her strict beliefs of written media and the fact that podcasts are, in fact, taking over.  
> Okay. So now onto the explanation. We're really trying not to over explain things because we don't think you, the readers, are stupid. This is more for those who think we're just going fuckin willy nilly into this, wanting to fuck shit up for no god damned reason. That's not the case. The only thing we want to remind you guys when thinking about this chapter and going into the ones that will follow, is that we had to think of the very real repercussions of Andrew especially investigating this case. We took the name 'Steven' directly from Nora's Robin extra content. And the fact that that name corresponded directly with a VERY prominent abuser in Andrew's life (for reference, Steven is the one that made Andrew say 'please'), then its something we literally cannot ignore. Naturally, that is going to cause some shit, in regards to these characters. So please keep that in mind and trust us to hopefully do right by the characters and you the reader (AND US OURSELVES). 
> 
> ANYWAY YEAH. Thank you all so much for the comments and love on the last chapter. And for those of you that were screaming at Andrew to stop being a dick... yeah... sorry.............. bear with us. WE LOVE YOU!!!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated as always! You guys are amazing and Red Rabbits would literally be nothing without you. And for those of you that wrote in, thank you so much!!! You might see yourselves in the next chapter... *eyes emoji*. And for anyone else that would like to get involved and hop in on that good good email to be written in as well, email us at foxholenetwork@gmail.com!
> 
> OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEIL! Get ready for the coming chapters.........
> 
> Thank you again <3 <3 <3
> 
> Keep up with us on our social medias!!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
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> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)


	5. Audio Notes #3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It's what I deserve._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sorry. It had to be done. Please trust us. 
> 
> CW:  
> depression  
> self depreciation  
> lots of pain  
> PTSD  
> Memories of abuse  
> The boy's visit the sites of where some of the girls had been found. So talking about that and what they're experiencing.  
> more pain
> 
> That's all we have to say for this one. Hopefully it explains some things.

_‘Mr. Minyard. I thought you understood your place?’_

Neil watched as Andrew took one more drag, finishing his cigarette before he flicked it over the railing. He blew out a plume of white smoke before responding

“My place? I don’t follow, friend. You want to explain to me how the fuck _my_ podcast and _my_ investigation has anything to do with _you_ and _yours_?”

 _Jesus fucking Christ_. Neil wanted to groan out loud but he couldn’t - not with Ichirou Moriyama on the line, listening and probably recording for posterity. 

_‘I own the media. All of it, in one form or another. Normally, I’m happy to let it eat it’s own tail as it is wont to do, but I’m afraid your little book report about missing girls and crooked cops isn’t going to cut it. It’s not good for me to have the police breathing down my neck over a damaging article. You understand.’_

“Lord Moriyama,” Neil said into the phone. Andrew scowled at him. Neil ignored him. He was getting pretty good at that.

 _‘Nathaniel. Still with your guard dog, I see. You have an impeccable pedigree you know, from your mother_ **_and_ ** _father’s sides. It’s a shame you’ve stooped so low as to breed with a mongrel.’_

“It’s Neil now, actually,” Neil responded, ignoring the rest. 

_‘Let them call you by whatever name you like. You will always be a Wesninski at heart.’_

Neil pried the phone from Andrew’s death grip before he could hurl it over the side of the roof. He wasn’t going to let this asshole get the better of him. He knew better.

_I know better._

“We didn’t realize the article would affect you in any way. We’re simply trying to find a missing child who could be killed at any moment. This article will help us do that. Will you reconsider?”

 _‘No, I’m afraid not. Mr. Minyard’s little display on the sidewalk in front of the New York Times, which I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, I own, has quite turned me off the prospect of helping either one of you. So, a reminder instead.’_ Ichirou’s voice turned cold - no - _deadly_ , when he spoke again. _‘Stay out of my way... Stay out of my businesses. You’re alive only because you made it difficult for me to take you out quietly. But, do not think it cannot be accomplished. I feel you may still have use to me. Don’t make me regret it again.’_

He hung up.

Andrew shoved his phone into his back pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his jacket. The hurt and anger Neil had been barely keeping at bay, rose up like a fucking phoenix from the ashes, happy to finally be set free in the wake of Ichirou’s warnings. He grabbed the goddamn pack and threw it over the edge of the roof. 

Andrew just stared at him blankly. 

Neil wanted to shake him... He wanted to knock some sort of _feeling_ into him... He wanted Andrew to get angry, wanted to fight with him - _anything_ but this blank, bored facade that Neil didn’t even know was a fucking facade anymore... 

“There’s a hefty fine for littering in New York, you know.”

~~_There’s a fucking fine for smoking on the streets in general, but you have no problem breaking that either -_ ~~

“Stop it, Andrew. Fucking just,” Neil ran his hands through his hair and pulled before dropping them back to his sides in defeat. “Listen, I get it. I really do. I know you... I know you so fucking well. I know you’re happiest when you’re writing... I know you love your cat more than any human has ever loved an animal. I know you would die for Bella and Dylan without a thought or question -“ Neil stopped, breathing hard. _There_ , he thought. There was that _something_ Neil had been desperately searching for, lingering just behind Andrew’s eyes as he stood silently, listening to Neil’s tirade. 

“I know you hate yourself. I know you think you don’t deserve to be happy because Haylie can’t be right now.” He stepped closer to Andrew and tentatively wrapped his pinky around his partner’s. “I know you ran all the way from South Carolina to get here before midnight. For _me_ .” Andrew moved instinctively closer, and Neil lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “I know that means something, and I know that scares you...” _~~It scares me, too.~~ _ Andrew lowered his head to Neil’s shoulder, cold nose pressing against his neck and making him shiver. “We have a job to do right now,” Neil continued, voice still low and pinky tightening around Andrew’s. “So I need you to work with me... We can fight when we’re home. But right now, we have to keep it together for her, okay?”

Andrew nodded and Neil sighed. This didn’t really mean anything, Neil knew. It was a band-aid. Andrew would stop fighting him, let him help for now. But it wasn’t the same as them being _okay_. 

Even with Andrew tucked into his neck, Neil could fucking _feel_ it. 

But he ignored _it_ for now and instead wrapped his arms around Andrew, before slowly leading him back into the warmth of the apartment. 

He still couldn’t get him to eat.

* * *

Andrew woke before Neil the next morning. He sat up and looked down at his sleeping partner. Normally, Neil slept at least shirtless, at most naked. However lately, he’d taken to covering as much skin as possible at night. Andrew knew it was for his own benefit and he was torn between feeling grateful and hating himself for how bad he'd let himself become.

_Anyway. Neil._

He’d changed his nose ring. It was no longer the same hoop he had it pierced with. Now, he had a tiny purple stud, glinting softly in the morning light. He’d bought it for Andrew because it was Andrew’s favorite color. _It looks good on him_. A deep jewel tone against his dark skin... 

Andrew waited for the well of desire to open inside of him like it did sometimes - when he was up before Neil and Neil was sprawled in bed beside him, content and beautiful and _safe._

It never came. 

He left the plush warmth of the borrowed bed and padded into the kitchen, determined to make coffee and push forward as normally as possible. Neil had been right last night. It didn’t matter how Andrew was feeling. They had to get this done and they couldn’t do that if Andrew was fighting Neil every step of the way. ~~_Fighting himself._ ~~

He’d still rather be here by himself, though - still rather Neil go home and leave Andrew to do this alone. But he knew Neil as well as Neil knew him, and he knew he wasn’t going to leave so long as Andrew stayed. 

_‘I know that means something, and I know that scares you.’_

Neil walked into the kitchen on quiet feet, startling Andrew out of his thoughts with sleepy eyes and ridiculous hair, wearing one of Andrew’s too big shirts. It fell off of a thin shoulder.

“I want to go to Newark today,” Andrew said, turning away from the sight of _morning Neil_ and poured two cups of coffee. “I want to visit the Passaic, the places where some of the girls were found. At some point, I also want to try and find a house matching Robin’s description.”

“Okay,” Neil said. “Maybe Matt has someone in real estate he can recommend to us. He said he has a guy he always uses who helped him find his new place, maybe they work in Newark, too?”

Andrew just nodded, unwilling to admit out loud that it was both a good and obvious idea. ~~One he should’ve thought of.~~

“Check your email.” Andrew placed one of the mugs in front of Neil. No sugar.

_‘Sure stalker.’_

Neil pulled his phone off of it’s charger on the kitchen counter. This was one of the things he _liked_ and hated about Neil. He wasn’t glued to his phone. But it also meant that half the time Andrew tried calling him, he didn’t answer. Andrew’s charged in the plug next to the bed and lived under his pillow all night. ~~_Aren’t there studies of that linking to cancer?_ ~~ It wasn’t that he wanted to be on it all the time. 

He was just waiting for the disaster call that would surely come any day now.

“No emails,” Neil said, thumbing through his phone. Andrew checked his own, relief flooding through him when he saw two new emails. 

“I have two.” 

Neil came to read over his shoulder and he tried not to think of how comforting it felt. 

The first email was from two girls named Fiona and Jenna. Sisters. Andrew read through it quickly, his eyebrows getting higher and higher the deeper he got. The general gist was that the two of them had gone to the beach for the fourth of July in 2014 and a creepy guy in a black Yankees cap followed them around, leering at the children. 

“What do you think?” Neil asked. His breath was warm on Andrew’s neck. He smelled like coffee. Andrew tried not to react, but comfort bled into something else and - 

He shifted away.

 _Focus._ “Timeline wise it makes sense... It would’ve been after Robin... and before Zoe.”

“But?”

“ _But_ , I don’t think this was him,” he said conclusively, shaking his head. It’s not his style to openly stalk a family with kids. He needs to stay hidden, unknown. This is too public.”

Neil nodded in agreement. “Even if it was him, I’m not sure how much it would help.”

“I asked for any tips. I’m just glad to be getting something.”

He went to the next email. They read together and Andrew let out a breath.

“This one…” Neil said.

Andrew nodded. “This one,” he repeated. 

This one had to be him. 

A girl named Liz sent it in. She said she was visiting her friends in Philadelphia at SJU when they stopped at a convenience store near campus. A guy there purchasing a lighter, switchblade, cigarettes, and a map, matched Steven’s description. They’d allegedly seen him a week before New Year’s.

“He could’ve been prepping,” Andrew guessed. “Getting ready to snatch another girl. He must have been planning for this one to be from out of town for a while.”

“Why the map?” Neil asked. “I’m sure he has a phone with GPS on it.”

“He probably doesn’t want anyone to be able to look at his phone and see what he’s been searching... Doesn’t want a trace of himself anywhere near where the victim was taken. I’d be surprised if he had his phone on him at all, to be honest. Too easy to track pings from cell towers if he was ever suspected.”

“Ah, that makes sense. First rule of staying invisible: don’t hang on to one phone for too long. I don’t even want to know the number of phones I’ve been through in my life.”

Andrew didn’t either.

“We’ll check this out before we leave,” Andrew said. “I still want to go to Newark today.”

Neil nodded and took one more sip of coffee before rinsing out his mug. “I’ll go get ready.”

* * *

The train ride to Newark was painfully quiet. Andrew wrote in his notebook the whole time. Whatever it was, he didn’t share with Neil. 

Neil wondered how many X’s he’d drawn. 

Alyssa was the first victim Andrew and Neil had been able to tie to Steven. The place where her body was found turned out to be Riverfront Park now. Neil and Andrew walked the mile from Newark’s Penn Station to the park, hands shoved in pockets and heads bowed against the cold. 

The park was huge... much bigger than Neil had originally anticipated. He’d researched it on their way over, reading out loud - if only to break the stony silence. Apparently, Riverfront Park was a project brought to the table in the 1990’s, but nothing had been done about it until 2010. Which was an issue because as they approached, Neil chanced a glance at Andrew, only to find he looked a little defeated. 

The park was a huge, sprawling complex now, with playgrounds and several athletic fields. The likelihood of them finding the place where Alyssa had been found was slim and if they did, Neil saw little hope in preservation of the area.

Andrew pulled out his notebook and flipped to a page full of scrawled notes that didn’t look to be in any coherent order. Of course, they made complete sense to Andrew, because he set off at a brisk pace, leaving Neil with nothing to do but follow with a small, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

When he finally stopped, they’d reached the end of the park, which opened into a large meadow that hugged the river and was ringed by bare trees. 

“This would’ve been it,” Andrew said so low, Neil had to strain to listen. “Somewhere here was where Alyssa was found. They’ve cleared the trees.” 

Neil bit into the inside of his lip and looked around. It was nice, probably beautiful when spring and summer brought blossoms to skeletal branches, blue skies to clouded gray, and color to dry grass. Right now, it was slippery with sleet and their boots began to cake with mud. Idly, he wondered if this was all on purpose - if someone in the park planning committee or board or whatever thought, ‘ _This is where that girl was found. Let’s flatten it so we don’t have to remember.’_ Or maybe other bodies had been found here. Neil hadn’t really bothered with checking. 

_‘Maybe this whole area was a dumping ground for killers.’_

_Andrew had talked about Leakin Park in a voice filled with such dread and morbidity. It was a fucking joke. For someone so smart, so accomplished and acclaimed, you’d think he’d know._

**_You don’t shit where you eat, Minyard._ **

_His father was not stupid. There was no way he would’ve hidden bodies there. Neil had only been six when he and his mother had fled, but he still knew that much..._

His mind was getting the best of him.

Andrew took out his phone and snapped some pictures. Then in the center of the clearing with his boots sinking into the ground, he knelt and ran a hand over the wet grass. _He’s apologizing_ , Neil thought. Telling Alyssa he was sorry for what happened to her. 

Neil said sorry, too. 

They didn't stay long.

-

Their next stop was Brook Branch Park and they managed to find a bus that would take them the six miles. Neil tried to get Andrew talking by asking about theories of how they could smoke Steven out, but Andrew wasn’t biting. 

Today was about the girls. 

Imani was found in the woods of Brook Branch Park. There were plenty of people, families like there had been at Riverfront. School was still out on break, Neil remembered. 

The park had thousands of cherry blossom trees, all dormant against the winter chill. Neil was sure they were gorgeous in the spring, a riot of color and that sweet, sweet smell. He wondered if Imani came here - if she loved the cherry blossoms. It was March when her body was found. It seemed fitting that they would’ve been just as dormant then, as they were now. 

Andrew did the same thing he’d done for Alyssa when they found the spot around where Imani would’ve been found. 

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ , he seemed to say. 

-

It was the same at Vailsburg Park, only three miles away. Steven didn’t seem to stray far from home with some of these girls. They were all in the same area, which made Neil wonder if he lived nearby...? Didn’t seem like too much of a stretch but again, 

_You don’t shit where you eat_

He tried to offer this theory to Andrew. Again, he didn’t respond.

More woods. 

More pale hands on grass, floating like a dove just above the wet blades before swooping down so that his fingers were wet and cold by the end - gloves forgotten in his pocket. 

When Neil and his mother were in France, they once ducked into a huge, ancient church that loomed above them like a morose giant. His mother had thought someone was following them. Maybe they were. Neil never knew what was real and what might’ve been a paranoid delusion.

_She ushered him in swiftly, pushed him down one of the pews in the cathedral, and they sat in silence, his mother looking over her shoulder every few seconds. Neil could barely see over the pew in front of him, he was so small. But he could see the people at the front, lighting candles and crossing themselves._

_“What are they doing?” he whispered to his mother. She glanced to the front before looking down at him, her dyed brown hair coming loose from it’s tie, falling haphazardly around her face._

_She sighed as if Neil had asked her a very trying question. “They light the candles to signify a prayer, or a vow. They think it gives power to it.”_

_Neil looked back at the tiny burning candles, just flickers from their pew all the way in the back. “What kind of vow?”_

_“I don’t know, Steffan. Any kind of vow or prayer. Be quiet, I need to listen.”_

Andrew reminded him of those candles. This was his prayer. This was his vow. 

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I will find him._

_Even if it kills me._

_‘Andrew, stop it.’ Neil moved in front of him to block his path. ‘It might kill you, that’s the fucking point.’_

_‘I don’t care.’_

Neil leaned down and plunged his hand in the grass next to Andrew’s, offering his own silent vow.

* * *

Andrew was dead. 

He was cold and pale and he couldn’t _see_. 

No one around him seemed to know he was dead. Only he knew - only he could tell. 

Bee gave him hot chocolate. 

Wymack was yelling about something or another. 

Seth was laughing... Or was he crying? 

Andrew squinted through the veil - through the film over his eyes. 

It was no use. 

Everyone was blurry and gray.

Then, there was Neil.

He was _here_ and he was the only thing Andrew could _really_ see. His purple piercing stood out, bright and shining more than it should. 

_Are his eyes always this blue?_

He reached for Andrew, pulled him in, and Andrew let himself be towed forward. 

They were close. 

They were in a bed. 

They were laying down.

Neil was on top of him and Andrew wrapped his arms around Neil’s neck. 

_Closer_ , he thought. _I need him closer._ **_I need him closer._ **

He wanted to curl up inside Neil’s chest - wanted to live in his warmth and the steady beat of Neil’s heart. Neil leaned down and kissed Andrew’s neck, and Andrew bit his lip, running his tongue over the metal of the ring pierced through.

 _‘Andrew,’_ Neil whispered. _‘Andrew.’_

_‘Neil.’_

_‘Say please and I’ll stop, Andrew. Be a good boy.’_

He gasped awake - shooting up in the bed, sweaty and shaking.

“Andrew?”

_Neil -_

Neil was there, reaching out a hand and _and and and_

Andrew tumbled out of the bed in his haste to get away. He scrambled on the floor, feet slipping over wood until his back finally hit a wall. The buzzing in his head was sudden and painfully loud. Andrew clamped his hand over the bee and tried so hard to sink into the wall behind him, but Neil was out of the bed and on the floor near Andrew quicker than should’ve been possible. He didn’t come too close. He kept his distance and part of Andrew should’ve been grateful, but instead all he could do was stare at him, wide eyed and panting. 

Somehow, Neil got to him through the _buzz_ . “Andrew, it’s me...” _buzz “_ It’s just me...” _buzz_ “It’s okay.”

_Buzz buzz buzz -_

Andrew closed his eyes and shook his head. It wasn’t okay... It wasn’t okay and it would never be okay. 

_It would never be okay._

“What do you need?” _Buzz_ “Do you need a glass of water?” Neil reached over to the bedside table and handed Andrew his glasses. He took them with a shaky hand and shoved them on his face and Neil came into sharp focus, his features pinched with worry. Andrew took a deep breath.

_In, out, in, out_

“I’m okay,” he managed. His throat hurt like he’d been screaming.

“Do you want me to call Bee?”

_God, no._

“No. I just... bad dream.” His head felt like it was going to split open. He pressed his fingers behind his ear, then dropped his hand as he forced a deep breath through his teeth. “I do need some water...”

Neil nodded and stood, looking relieved to have a task. 

Andrew pushed himself to his feet, still feeling that hot breath in his ear. Blinking hard, he looked at the giant bed where he and Neil had been sleeping these past few nights and suddenly, it felt like it would swallow him whole if he tried to lay down in it again.

Neil came back with a glass of cold water and Bee began to quiet. Andrew drank it down in a few gulps, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and pressing his wrist against his lips for a moment to make sure he wasn’t going to puke. 

Once he gathered himself _enough_ , Neil murmured, “What happened?” - whispering as if he would wake the apartment if he spoke too loud. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Andrew numbly shook his head. “I’m going to sleep on the couch.” He didn’t want to be in a bed at all right now and if he had to look at Neil for longer than necessary, he was going to lose it. It wasn’t Neil’s fault he was fucked up, though. It wasn’t Neil’s fault Andrew had spent the better part of this investigation suppressing memories he wished would just stay fucking dead...

And Andrew knew Neil was slowly coming to realize - knew he was probably one foot out the door already... Andrew didn’t blame him. He wished he could run from him, too. But he also knew Neil wasn’t going to do anything about it right now.

_We can fight when we get home._

So, Andrew went to the living room, pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and a decorative pillow from a chair, and laid down until he heard Neil go quiet again. 

But after ten minutes of fruitless attempts, he gave up all pretense of sleep. Instead, sitting up wearily he pulled out his notebook from his bag, flipped through notes and doodles and random thoughts he needed to get out of his head, and decided he wasn’t going to sleep tonight. 

* * *

Neil did not sleep again for a long time. He just couldn’t get Andrew’s face out of his head... He was scared - not just from the dream but,

_He was scared of me._

But why? What happened? What had he been dreaming about? Neil thought maybe he _should_ go back to South Carolina. Whatever was going on with Andrew, Neil’s presence obviously wasn’t helping... but he just couldn’t do it. He didn’t trust Andrew to take care of himself here - he didn’t trust him to come home when he needed to.

When he woke early like usual, he was surprised to find Andrew already awake and in the kitchen making what looked like a second pot of coffee. He lifted his eyes towards Neil and then flicked them away again.

~~_They look dead._ ~~

“Adirondacks today,” Andrew murmured. “I heard back from Bryan White. He’s working today and off for the rest of the week, so we need to go. Philly gas station tomorrow; Newark houses, Saturday.”

Neil nodded. The guy Matt put them in contact with, who had the very real estate sounding name of James Hodges, agreed to meet with them on Saturday even though he didn’t normally work weekends. He was busy until then, but Neil suspected Matt put in a special request. 

As for Bryan White, he was one of the first employees from the cabin grounds to respond to the discovery of Makenna. 

“I’m going to go take a shower,” Andrew said, leaving his coffee behind.

“I’ll make some breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry,” Andrew called before shutting the bathroom door behind him. 

“Of course you’re not,” Neil muttered. He sighed and rubbed his face. Then he made breakfast anyway, because he didn’t know what else to do.

-

The Adirondack Mountains and the place where Makenna was found was four hours away; which meant they had to borrow one of Allison’s cars. Neil expected Andrew’s usual reverent attitude, but apparently not even a matte black Range Rover could break his stony mood. 

The ride was torture. Quiet with tension, the air was almost suffocating and Neil wanted to crawl out of the window just to be able to breathe.

“Let’s play the question game,” he eventually said. Two hours into the drive and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the drive from New York to South Carolina when they were on the run from Lola. If they were to be stuck for another two hours, he at least wanted to try and play the game they attempted to push each other with. 

Andrew sighed and kept his eyes on the road. 

Neil took that as assent. 

“What’s your favorite piece you’ve ever written?”

Andrew tapped a finger on the steering wheel, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of them.

“The foster care story. There were actually steps taken in South Carolina to improve things when it ruffled some feathers. I only wish it had a broader reach.”

 _California_ , Neil thought grimly. He tried for optimism, “Maybe you should get it published again. You’re a bigger name now... Maybe it would reach more people.”

Andrew just shrugged and didn’t respond. 

Neil chewed his lip. “It’s your turn,” he said, quietly.

Andrew sucked his bottom lip behind his teeth, playing with his lip ring while he thought. “What are you going to go to school for?”

 _Relief_. Andrew was playing along. “Communications makes the most sense.”

“But what do you _want_ to do?”

“Honestly? Math. I’m good at math. It’s comforting. Numbers are numbers wherever you go... I’d like to see what it’s like at college level.”

Andrew snorted. “I honestly can’t imagine anything worse than going to school specifically for math.”

“I can imagine a lot of things worse than that.” Neil spoke without thinking and he could see Andrew shut down again. 

_It was a fucking joke, Neil. Way to fuck things up again._

The rest of the trip was quiet, only the GPS from Andrew’s phone did the talking, and Neil let out a long sigh when they finally pulled off the paved road and up to a cabin with a gravel lot in front that said ‘Office’ on the door. 

Neil reluctantly got out of the car. Honestly, he wasn’t one for fancy cars, but seat warmers were a gift that Neil decided he loved very much. The cold hit him like a wall, and he was glad Andrew had thrown gloves at his face this morning. 

They made their way up the porch and stomped their feet on the mat to get the worst of the snow off. Andrew opened the front door into a small, but cozy office. The carpet was an ugly burgundy color that looked like it had probably been there since the cabin was built, and the walls were made up of the natural wood from the outer logs. A woman who forcibly reminded Neil of Bee looked up at them. 

“Hello! How can I help you fellas?” She smiled sweetly and took her glasses off her nose to let them rest around her neck by a chain, which looked startlingly similar to the one Neil had gotten Bee for Christmas. Andrew looked back at him, eyebrow raised and Neil gave him a small smile. He saw it, too.

“We have an appointment with Bryan White,” Andrew said, and Neil was so glad this woman was Bee’s doppelgänger. Andrew was nothing but perfectly pleasant.

“Andrew?” 

A man came from an office in the back. He was small - not as small as Andrew or Neil, but only around 5’7. Likely in his 40’s, he had curly dark hair, pale skin, and tattoos covering both arms where he’d pushed the sleeves of his uniform up and 

Neil disliked him immediately. 

Andrew didn’t, and that pissed Neil off for a reason he didn’t want to look too closely at. 

Andrew nodded to him. “Bryan?” The man smiled through his dark beard with very _stupid_ , very _white_ teeth and nodded. 

“I don’t have a whole lot of time. We have a meeting in about an hour. Mind if we talk in the car?”

Andrew started to shake his head when Neil stepped forward. “I’m Neil,” he said, putting himself slightly in front of Andrew because... _just be-fucking-cause_. 

Bryan blinked at him. 

“Neil, right of course. Nice to meet you. Andrew mentioned you’d be tagging along.”

_Tagging along. Who the fuck-_

Andrew coughed and Neil turned his head to look at him. “In the car is fine.” He shot Neil a confused look and followed Bryan outside. 

Neil shook his head. _I’m being ridiculous..._ It was just that he _knew_ this guy was exactly Andrew’s type. Being demi was weird sometimes, because while Neil had never been sexually attracted to anyone but Andrew, he knew that didn’t go both ways. Andrew had a type and it was guys with tattoos, and white teeth, and dark curly hair. _Probably_ . Neil didn’t _really_ know. But he did know that Charlie Daniels had tattoo sleeves and that was enough for Neil.

He shook his head and followed them out. _This isn’t the time._ He was just feeding off of the negative energy surrounding Andrew - just fucking paranoid because things felt so fragile right now... so precarious. 

~~_I hate this so fucking much._ ~~

Andrew climbed in the front seat of the SUV Bryan was driving, so Neil climbed into the back. Andrew already pulled out his recorder.

“Mind if we record?”

“Not at all.”

**RECORD ON**

They set down a path Neil couldn’t discern. The trees were without leaves this time of year, but he imagined they would’ve provided an emerald canopy in warmer months. 

Andrew got him to say his name and spell it, before he immediately launched into questions. 

“Tell us in your own words what happened that day.”

Bryan took a deep breath. 

Neil rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why.

“I was doing my rounds across the grounds, checking on the empty cabins and making sure there wasn’t trash or animals that needed to be immediately addressed. I’d just started this job, you know? Nineteen years old and just glad to be getting a paycheck so I could take my girlfriend out without using coupons.”

“Yeah sure of course,” Neil said from the backseat. _I’m still here guys._ “But we’re really more interested in what happened when Makenna’s body was found.”

Andrew had been rooting around in his bag for something that he apparently couldn’t find, when he suddenly sat up at Neil’s tone and turned to look at him, brows furrowed. 

“Ah, right, right,” Bryan quickly agreed, cleared his throat, and carried on. “Well, I got a call on my walkie saying there was an issue with one of the cabins. They left it vague of course, didn’t want to have every person on the clock talking where guests could hear. I was closest, so I headed over. There was a guy and a girl sitting on the steps of their cabin. The girl was crying and the guy looked like he’d seen a ghost.”

“What did you think?” Andrew asked, cracking his pinky. His hands looked strangely empty, and Neil realized it must have been his notebook he couldn’t find. He didn’t know what to do with himself without it in his hands.

“I thought maybe they’d found a dead person. Happens sometimes where someone gets attacked by an animal or gets lost in the woods.”

“So you were right,” Neil said. 

“I wish I hadn’t been.”

They stopped in a copse of trees that was within viewing distance of a cabin. “This is it.”

“Is that the cabin the couple stayed in?” Andrew asked. 

“Yep. I don’t know why anyone who was trying to hide a body would hide it where it would be so easily found...” 

Neil and Andrew shared a look.

They all got out of the car and walked a few feet until they were standing between two trees. “It was here. I almost didn’t see her. She was so small...” Bryan pressed his lips together, then sighed, “It was January, so she was half covered by snow. Her hair was so dark... It was the first thing I saw.” He sounded sad, brows drawn. Andrew looked down at the spot, as if he could see her there. He still held the recorder in his hand, and he lifted it back up quickly when he realized he’d let it fall by his side. 

“What was the police presence like?” Andrew eventually asked, getting his bearings. 

“They swarmed the place. They talked to me and the couple and then I never saw them again. The press hounded me more than they hounded them, though.”

And that was how they’d gotten Bryan’s name. He gave an interview to a local paper after Makenna had been discovered. It was just luck that he still worked here.

“Is there anything else?” Neil asked. “Anything strange about the body or anything you may have noted as out of place at the time?”

Bryan shook his head. “I don’t know that I would’ve noticed if there was. I looked long enough to realize what I was seeing and then I didn’t look again... Couldn’t.”

Andrew nodded. “Do you mind giving us a minute.”

Bryan looked between them. “Sure. I’ll wait in the car.”

Andrew waited until the door shut behind Bryan before he lowered himself again and ran a hand over the dry ground. He sighed heavily, as if the weight of all of this was gaining by the minute. 

Neil knew the feeling.

**RECORD OFF**

* * *

“I can’t find my notebook.”

They were back in Reynold’s Range Rover and Andrew was twisted around, half in the driver's seat and half in the back to see if somehow his notebook had migrated there. 

“I noticed,” Neil said. “It’s probably back at Allison’s.” He looked out the window, arms crossed over his stomach.

“What’s your problem?” Andrew asked, twisting back around and starting the car. 

Neil snorted. “That’s rich coming from you.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well. We all know I’m an asshole. You were a dick to Bryan. Why?”

Neil turned his head to look at him, incredulous. “ _Bryan_? So you’re worried about him? Did he manage to slip you his number while I wasn’t looking?”

Andrew slammed on the breaks, putting the car into park from where he’d been backing out of the lot. “What the _fuck_ are you talking about?”

Neil stared at him, and then looked down at his lap. “Nothing. I’m being stupid. This isn’t the time or the place. We’re in the middle of an investigation, I’m sorry.”

“Oh no. Nope. You don’t get to say shit like that and then play the investigation card. You’re the one who told me we had a job to do here.”

“I know.”

“So what? You think he was flirting with me or something? He’s in his fucking 40’s Neil. Even if he was, _which he wasn’t_ , who the fuck cares? You think I’d go for some 40 year old stranger while my fucking partner is standing right there next to me? In fucking general?”

Andrew was mad - no. He was fucking _outraged_. How dare he? Andrew hadn’t even looked at another man since he’d found Neil. His dumb ass had fallen so desperately fast and he was just now realizing how fucking stupid he’d been.

“No. Forget it.”

 _Fine._ Fucking _fine._ Andrew _would_ forget it. 

He slammed the car back into reverse and backed out of the parking lot way too fast for the weather conditions to safely permit.

 _Four hours_. 

Four hours back to Reynold’s apartment.

It was miserable. 

Andrew stopped once so they could use the bathroom and Neil could get some food. He ate a snickers. Peanuts had protein, after all.

It was dark by the time they’d made it back. Andrew immediately started tearing the apartment apart, throwing pillows and opening random drawers. 

“What are you doing?”

“What does it fucking look like I’m doing?” Andrew snapped. “I’m looking for my fucking notebook...” His phone buzzed in his pocket, and his heart lifted just a bit when he saw it was a facetime call from Bella. 

“I’ll help you look,” Neil offered. Andrew made for the back bedroom so he could talk to her alone. 

“Don’t bother.”

* * *

Neil fucked up. 

He knew it the moment the words left his mouth. 

What had he been thinking? 

No matter how Andrew was acting right now, it was childish to accuse him of something that didn’t even make any sense. 

Neil was losing his mind... 

He sighed and turned to the apartment at large to start looking for Andrew’s notebook - a peace offering. He’d find it and Andrew would be glad and then they could let the tension dissipate.

~~_Right?_~~

He reached a hand in between the cushions of the couch and felt around. 

“Ah ha!” His hand hit something hard, and Neil pulled out Andrew’s moleskine so quickly, he lost his grip. It flew to the floor and he bent to pick it up, but stopped when he saw his name. Biting his lip, he felt the temptation at the tips of his fingers but...

_But -_

He knew he shouldn’t... but he was so desperate to understand - so desperate to figure a way out of this mess that left them both intact. 

~~_Don’t do it..._ ~~

Slowly, he bent to pick it up, and with a quick, guilty glance towards the closed door Andrew had disappeared behind, he began to read.

_Sometimes, when you’re living your very ordinary and mundane existence, something extraordinary happens. That’s okay, most of the time. Most of the time it’s easy to remember fondly and let it sleep. Sometimes it’s not so fond, and we try to suffocate it until it stays asleep forever._

_But sometimes._

_Sometimes._

_Sometimes something happens that you can’t put to sleep. Sometimes those things invade my nightmares and leave me breathless and angry and scared._

_Sometimes, those things invade my dreams and I know less what to do with them. When they feel good and right and wanted, it’s frightening in a completely different way. I expect to be disappointed. I don’t expect to be made to feel whole._

_But, will I ever really be whole?_

_Sometimes, things have the potential to be catastrophic for entirely good reasons._

_Neil is a catastrophe, and I am terrified that I will be left even less of a person in his wake. But I let him in anyway._

_Because I’m even more terrified to let him go._

Neil swallowed hard, and read the passage two more times. 

_‘Neil is a catastrophe.’_

He flipped the pages, looking for something, _anything_ else. Something to tell him what it meant... What any of this meant. 

_There_ , scrawled on the side of a page of notes about the case. 

_‘What if he leaves?’_

Neil was breathing hard. _What if I leave?_ Why would he leave? He kept flipping. 

_There_. Another page. 

_‘What if I leave first? Will it hurt any less_?’

Neil’s breath caught in his chest. 

He couldn’t get enough air. 

His eyes stung and his hands shook where he held the notebook.

“What are you doing?” 

Neil’s head snapped up to look at Andrew. He still had his phone in one hand and his face was ghostly pale. He reached out a hand, and Neil allowed the notebook to slide from his numb fingers. 

“What does it mean?” he whispered. 

Andrew pressed his lips together. He didn’t answer. 

“What does _it mean_?” Neil asked again, louder this time. “What do you want, Andrew?”

Andrew looked down at his notebook, then up at Neil. His eyes shuttered - _he’s blocking me out. He’s pushing me away... pushing_ **_everyone_ ** _away._

“Don’t do this...”

Andrew just shook his head, then lifted his chin with dark, dull eyes. “What I want is to find him. That’s all. I don’t want to have this fucking conversation right now.” He got louder as he spoke. “I just want to figure this out and find Steven so he can never fucking hurt me again, okay?”

Neil blinked. Andrew’s chest rapidly rose and fell. He didn’t even realize what he just said and 

“Andrew,” Neil started quietly, suddenly feeling an immeasurable sadness take root in his stomach and wind it’s way up his chest. “Who do you think we’re looking for?”

Andrew’s eyes widened before he turned away and headed for the door to the roof. He slammed it behind him, and Neil felt like it was slamming around that beating, aching _thing_ in his chest.

* * *

Andrew must have stayed on the roof for hours. 

He was angry and embarrassed and ashamed. 

He didn’t even know what Neil had read, but there was so much shit in that notebook, Andrew couldn’t remember what all of it said. It was his safe place, his refuge. He could say whatever he wanted to that book and it wouldn’t judge him - wouldn’t talk back. 

So, he was sure he’d said a lot.

But, that was something he was trying very hard not to think about... The look on Neil’s face and how it changed from confused hurt to a despair so deep, Andrew couldn’t even look at him. 

_‘... so he can never fucking hurt me again’_

Andrew hadn’t realized what he said until it was out of his mouth. He couldn’t take it back - couldn’t pull it from the universe. He rubbed his hands over his face, pushing his fingertips under his glasses to press into his eyes. 

Leave it to his subconscious to force Andrew to face the real reason this entire thing was so fucking hard for him.

The door to the roof opened and closed just when Andrew was considering how bad life would be if he lost his fingers to frostbite. He didn’t look up until Neil dumped his jacket, scarf, and gloves into his lap. He dropped his hands and sighed, pulling them on slowly. 

“Thanks.”

Neil didn’t respond. He just sat next to Andrew, his own puffy jacket rustling as he moved. When Andrew pulled out his cigarettes, Neil held his hand out for one. Andrew didn’t question it. He lit one for him and handed it over. He saw _this_ for what it was -

A peace offering.

They sat in silence, letting it say what they couldn’t. All the fear, and doubt, and worry hung heavily between them - but it was harder to see behind the cloud of smoke they both exhaled.

When he was done, he stubbed the cigarette out with more force than necessary and flicked it away before pulling his knees up to his chest. Neil put an arm around his shoulders, moving slowly, giving Andrew time to pull away. 

He didn’t.

Instead, he let Neil comfort him, even if it wasn’t fair after what he’d been putting him through. He let the heavy weight of Neil’s arm warm him, and he leaned into that warmth, ~~into _him_ , ~~resting his head on Neil’s shoulder and closing his eyes. Neil kissed his head once, and Andrew felt so impossibly small and so... sad. 

He was going to miss this so _fucking much._

* * *

Andrew ate breakfast the next morning.

Neil tried not to let his relief show too much, afraid of spooking Andrew back into starving himself. His only giveaway was trying to convince Andrew to eat a second helping, which Andrew refused. He still took it as a win. 

Of course, Neil was still hurt, and confused, and concerned over what he’d read in Andrew’s notebook. But, he also felt guilt... He shouldn’t have read it - he knew that. It was private and Andrew had never intended for Neil to see it. 

_Still_.

He couldn’t unsee it now.

_‘Neil is a catastrophe.’_

They made their way back to Penn Station that morning in silence. At least it wasn’t as heavy as it had been... But there was still so much they needed to talk about - so much Neil wanted to say. He knew now was not the time, so he kept it locked up, safely tucked away for a moment that would never be _right._

Their train left at 8AM and arrived in Philadelphia a little after 9AM. It left plenty of time for them to talk to the people at the gas station and get back to Allison’s before dark.

Not that Neil was eager to return to the awkward silences that stretched and filled the sudden _space_ between them. 

They caught an Uber to the gas station near SJU’s campus. It was a fifteen minute ride before they pulled up to a Speedway. Neil got out of the car and looked over the building, over the signs boasting **buy one get one** pizza slices and cigarettes for sale. Neil wondered what the chances were of them leaving here without Andrew buying several cartons.

It smelled like hot dogs and stale cleaner inside. They made their way to the counter and Andrew asked to speak to the manager on duty. The kid, who Neil swore couldn’t have been more than seventeen, claimed to be the manager. 

Sure, why not.

“Is there somewhere out of the way we can talk? We just have a few questions we want to ask you,” Neil said, trying not to spook him. He was the kind of ginger that made Neil thank his mother’s line for his tan skin. This kid was practically see through with possibly even more freckles than Neil. He scratched at a pimple on his chin before answering. 

“Am I in trouble or something?” He looked between Neil and Andrew. “You guys cops?”

“Do we look like cops?” Andrew asked, tone irritated. “Listen, it’ll only take a few minutes and if you cooperate I won’t call the health department and tell them you’re scratching the expiration dates off the lunch meat.”

The kids eyes widened. “That’s low, bro...” he whispered. “I do what I’m told. Just tryna get paid.”

Andrew stared at him, and Neil tried not to laugh. The kid sighed and ran a hand through his greasy hair. 

“Fine. Just let me get someone to cover the counter...”

He walked away and Neil raised a brow at Andrew. “How’d you know about the lunch meat?”

He shrugged. “Lucky guess. Nicky used to work at a gas station and told me they do it all the time so it didn’t look like they were losing revenue.”

Neil did laugh then. The kid came back and eyed them suspiciously, but nonetheless led them to a back room. Andrew pulled out his phone once they were in a cramped office with paper practically pouring from every corner.

“Have you seen this guy come in? Would’ve been about a week ago.” Andrew jumped right to it. 

The kid looked at the phone, squinted, then looked back up at Andrew. “This a joke? I can’t see his face. How am I supposed to know?”

Andrew clenched his jaw. Neil stepped in before he could eviscerate this poor kid.

“Anyone with a black yankees cap? Probably not too common in Philly, no? He would’ve bought a lighter, cigarettes, a switchblade, and a map.”

The kid rolled his eyes and Neil had to remind himself that he was a _child._

 _Can’t punch a kid. Well..._ **_can_ ** _punch a kid, but_ **_shouldn’t._ **

“I don’t remember every person that walks in this dump, dude. When did he come in? What day? What time? I can try and see who was working, but that’s the best I can do.”

“What about security footage?” Neil asked.

“What about it?”

~~_Don’t. Punch. A kid._ ~~

“Do you have it?” he asked slowly, reigning himself in. 

The kid picked up a bottle of Gatorade that looked like it had been sitting there a minute and started throwing it up and catching it. “Yeah, we got it. I don’t have time to sit around and go through it all.”

“We can do it,” Andrew jumped in. “Just give us access. Then we’ll leave and you can forget we were here.”

The kid didn’t say anything - just kept throwing that bottle up and down... Up and down... Up and _fucking down_ . Neil finally reached out and snatched it out of the air on it’s way back _down_. 

“What’s your name?” Neil asked, politely.

“Shawn...” He looked nervous now.

“Shawn. We appreciate your help...” he felt the corner of his lip _curl just so. “_ You’re going to show us that footage now. We can go through it ourselves, just point us in the right direction.”

“Or what? You gonna get your gang in here to fuck me up?”

Andrew and Neil looked at each other, confusion warring amusement.

“Gang..?” Andrew asked.

“Yeah, I know those markings.” He gestured to the scars on their faces. “That’s some gang initiation shit. I saw it on Gangland.” He lowered his voice and looked around. “Listen, I’ve been trying to get in good with-”

“How old are you?” Neil asked, incredulous that this was actually fucking happening. 

“I’m eighteen.” Shawn straightened, squaring his shoulders, but his eyes still switched back and forth between them nervously. 

“Shawn, quit fucking around and finish school. For fuck’s sake.” Andrew sounded completely exasperated. “Just show us the footage. We’ll leave and no gang members will darken your gas pumps. Sound good?”

“Whatever man. Keep your secrets, it’s fine. Blood in, blood out and all that shit -”

He turned to the old computer on the desk and brought up the security footage. He typed in the date they needed and made to leave. 

“Have at it. You snuck in here without me knowing if anyone catches you.” He left the room and Neil rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, because the security cameras we’re about to look at wouldn’t show him leading us here. Honestly, public education is fucking-”

“Yes, we all know and it’s probably Trump’s fault because everything is Trump’s fault. Come help me look.”

~~_Valid_ _._ ~~

So, Neil leaned over Andrew’s shoulder as he sat in the chair in front of the computer and began fast forwarding through footage. There was a camera directly facing the door with part of the parking lot visible.

“Maybe we can get a car,” Neil murmured, eyes glued to the screen nearly twenty minutes later.

“Wouldn’t that be nice.”

Just as Neil was about to shut his eyes and rub them, Andrew swore and backed up the video.

“There.”

A man with a black cap and jacket walked in. He kept his head down and angled away from the cameras, like he knew exactly where they would be. 

“He’s been here before?” Andrew asked.

“Maybe,” Neil said, chewing his lip. “But it’s more likely he just knows where the cameras are. In gas stations, there’s always one facing the front door and one facing the register. It wouldn’t be hard for him to figure out where not to look if he assumed they would be there.”

“Hide your face in a lot of gas stations?” Andrew asked. It was meant to be a joke, Neil thought. _Still_.

“A few, yeah.”

Andrew looked up at him with an unreadable expression before back to the screen. They watched as Steven picked up the items indicated in the email. He reached the counter and pulled out a plain black wallet and handed the cashier twenty dollar bills to pay for his items. There was a group of girls behind him in line laughing. Neil wondered if one of them was Liz.

They watched the footage three more times, trying to find any tiny tell. His hands were long fingered and nimble and he had a kind of careless swagger to his movements. It was the ease that came with a man unworried, unbothered with getting caught. _He knows what he’s doing._ Finally, Andrew recorded the footage on his phone before they left.

He smoked a cigarette outside as they waited for their uber to take them back to the train station. He offered Neil one, but he shook his head. 

Last night had been a truce, but he still wasn’t okay with Andrew smoking, with him breaking his promise. He was resigned to the fact that right now, he needed it - that it helped. 

However as soon as this was all over, he was going to insist that Andrew quit again - and that he talk to someone. _Anyone_. Neil didn’t care. 

He just wanted Andrew to take care of himself. 

* * *

Andrew made Dan come over on Friday. He didn’t really need her for anything, he just wanted another person in the house. They were meeting with the realtor in Newark on Saturday, so Friday left a day for them to pass each other in the apartment over and over like ghosts. They could discuss the details and finer points only so many times before exhausting them... So,

Enter Dan and Lloyd. 

Lloyd was more annoying than usual. He didn’t know what Neil had told him, but the thought of him telling this giant asshole - who already didn’t approve of him - that Andrew was being a dick, left a bad taste in his mouth. He was Neil’s best friend, Andrew knew that. He’d taken taken him under his wing and in all likelihood, kept him alive for a time. Andrew couldn’t dislike that. 

But _still_.

Andrew hadn’t talked to anyone. Who could he, really?

Dan tried, _because of course she did._

“I think you need to go home,” she said. They sat in the living room, side by side going over notes and putting together a timeline, while Neil and Lloyd disappeared somewhere not in Andrew’s sight.

“We fly back Saturday night.”

“Good. This place isn’t good for you.” Andrew thought she’d stop there, but she didn’t. “I don’t know what’s going on and I won’t pry...”

“You sure?” Andrew snapped. “Because this sounds awfully close to prying.”

Dan looked up at him with hard, light brown eyes and yet, they didn’t quite hide her worry. “Just let me know if you need some time off... okay? I know time is of the essence here,” she hurried to say when Andrew opened his mouth to argue. “ _Still_. If you’re in a bad headspace and you’re not mentally healthy, it’s going to cause mistakes. Maybe take a week when you get back. We’ll keep putting everything together and doing what we have to do. Let us take on some of the burden -”

“No.”

They didn’t talk about it again.

There was an air of trepidation when Saturday finally came. They’d look at these houses, hopefully find _something_ , and get back to Palmetto. 

Andrew was afraid to go back, if he was being honest. At some point, he and Neil had to face what was happening to them and back home, there was no place to run and hide - no real excuse to wait any longer. They had to talk about _it_ and if there was one thing Andrew really fucking hated, it was talking.

James Hodges, Matt’s fancy rich person realtor, was meeting them at Newark Penn Station. Andrew explained to him over the phone what they were looking for and he said there were a few places matching that description he could show them. So, they left early, caught the train, and hoped for the best. 

Andrew spotted him immediately when they arrived. He was just so fucking real estate that he had to roll his fucking eyes. James wore a suite with an expensive looking trench coat that looked like it would do nothing against the cold weather, and leather gloves with a ridiculously expensive watch on his wrist. He looked vaguely familiar in the way that all these shiny, news anchor men looked familiar. 

His hair was a chestnut brown and gelled back so the high planes of his face were entirely visible. His teeth were too white - smile too big. 

“Mr. Minyard and Mr. Josten?” he asked, mega-watt grin never faltering. 

Andrew nodded and sighed as James held out his hand. Really, Andrew didn’t understand this custom anyway. What was the point?

Neil stepped in and shook James’s outstretched hand. “Thank you for meeting with us. Matt said you don’t usually work Saturdays.”

He nodded, completely unbothered. “That’s true, but for Matt, I’ll make an exception. He told me to take good care of you if I wanted any more commissions from him.”

“Ah,” Andrew said, already turning to walk away. “At least you’re honest.”

James shrugged, unconcerned. He led them outside to a sleek white Escalade. Andrew jumped in the front seat, relegating Neil to the back. He should probably feel bad, but he didn’t. He had a hard enough time with other people driving. He at least wanted to be in the front to see death coming.

“So, in your email you had a pretty specific kind of house you wanted to see.”

Andrew nodded. “Yes. Big, old New England style homes. Two stories. Basement.”

James nodded. “I pulled some specs we can look at. Any neighborhood you like specifically? There are a few gay friendly areas in the city we can-”

“No,” Andrew snapped. Neil snorted in the back seat.

“Oh,” James said, suddenly embarrassed as he navigated the busy streets. “I’m sorry, Matt didn’t tell me why you were looking together. I just assumed…”

“It’s fine,” Neil said, from the backseat. “We are. Together I mean.”

Andrew pressed his lips together. He didn’t know why Neil saying it out loud annoyed him. They were, weren’t they? 

_Aren’t we?_

“See, I thought so,” James said with a laugh. “I’m really good at reading people, you know. You two seem like you have a really deep connection.”

Jesus fuck. Andrew was going to strangle this asshole before this was done. 

“We’re just interested in the older houses in Newark. That’s all. If you can’t show us-”

“No, no, it’s fine. Don’t want to disappoint Mr. Boyd.” Another laugh. Andrew ground his teeth.

The first house they saw was immediately wrong. It was in a neighborhood with houses too close for any sort of privacy, and even though the second was a better contender, it wasn’t blue like Robin remembered. However, Neil pointed out that it could’ve been painted and Andrew supposed he wasn’t wrong. Nonetheless, James let them look around the houses that were empty and Andrew insisted on being shown the ones where people were currently living as well. He also supposed Steven could’ve moved since Robin, but he doubted it. 

The second one had people living in it, so they couldn’t go inside. Andrew snapped some pictures anyway. Maybe it would jog Robin’s memory. 

And so it went. Altogether, they saw seven houses and it took all day. None of them were _the one_ though. Andrew could feel it. Meanwhile, James was perfectly upbeat and dreadfully helpful the entire time. He gave them a history on each house like he hoped they would change their minds and suddenly go for one of those gay friendly neighborhoods. 

He stayed cheerful even as he dropped them back off at Penn.

“Here’s my card,” he said, holding one out to Andrew. “Feel free to call me if you want to look at anymore houses. I mostly work the Manhattan area, so if you ever need a place in the city -”

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” Andrew shut the car door in his face and walked into the station, leaving Neil to give James a weak wave before he followed. 

They had to get back to Allison’s and pack up their things. Before they headed to the airport.

They would be home soon.

With their apartment and their cats.

And each other.

* * *

Neil dumped his bag by the front door as soon as they walked into the apartment. It felt good to be _home_ . He missed his bed and his cats and his _space_. 

Andrew flopped down on the couch, kicking off his shoes and allowing King to jump on his chest. He pulled her close and kissed her nose before running his hands through her fur. Neil smiled and picked up Sir from where she weaved in and out of his legs, meowing like crazy. Bee had been checking on them and feeding them while they were gone, but it was nice to know he was missed. 

He walked over to the couch, sitting when Andrew moved his legs to make room. 

“It’s nice to be home,” he said.

Andrew didn’t respond. 

“We should talk.”

Andrew sighed. “Not right now. We just got home. I’m exhausted.”

“I’m exhausted too, Andrew. But we can’t ignore this. What I read in your notebook-”

“It’s your own fault if you saw something you didn’t like. You shouldn’t have been reading it in the first place.”

Neil set Sir on the floor and rubbed his face. “I know. You’re right. I’m sorry I looked, I just... I needed answers and you weren’t giving them to me.”

Andrew sat up so they sat side by side, King jumped onto the floor, clearly disgruntled. Andrew took Neil’s hand in both of his own, but didn’t meet his eyes. 

“Let’s do this tomorrow. It’s Sunday. We’ll have all day to figure it out. I just... _can’t_ right now.”

Neil nodded and stood. “Fine. Tomorrow then. I’m going to get ready for bed.” Andrew nodded and looked up at the Christmas tree they had yet to take down. ~~_It looks cold without the lights on._~~ Neil leaned down to give Andrew a kiss - just a peck, quick and chaste.

Andrew’s lips were cold, too.

* * *

They didn’t talk on Sunday. Instead, they danced around each other and were perfectly polite. Neil tried once, but Andrew didn’t let it go anywhere. He couldn’t... Not after another nightmare spent pinned to the bed - not after grabbing Neil’s wrist so hard he winced when he tried to shake Andrew awake. He couldn’t....

Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t face it - _him._

Sunday bled into Monday, and Andrew was heavy.

His head and his legs- his heart and his mind... The weight of living was soul crushing, sometimes.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked around ~~his~~ _their_ bedroom. 

_Our bedroom_. 

It was the same as always. 

Same drawers, halfway open with clothes hanging out. 

Same cat tree in the corner - Neil’s exy stick they’d rescued from Arizona just peeking through the open closet door. 

He squeezed his eyes shut again and rubbed his face into the pillow.

Things were the same and that should’ve made him feel better. 

It only reminded him that things would never _really_ change. The world and the people, and the fucked-up shit he had nightmares about over and over and _over_ again. None of it would ever change. What had happened to him, what had happened to Robin, would _never fucking change_. And there wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do about it.

He thought again, for maybe the millionth time in the past few weeks, that he was such a selfish fucking asshole for bringing Neil into this - for bringing him _here,_ and making a home and a life with him after only a few weeks. Who the fuck was he to make that choice? He’d stayed away from relationships for his entire adult life because of _this_ exact situation. 

He remembered being at Nicky’s last year, when they were still looking for Neil. He’d sat in the chair while they watched a movie and thought about having what Eric and Nicky have. He thought about how it would feel to have a _partner_ . At the time, he wanted it and he hadn’t wanted to admit that to himself, but he’d wanted it so fucking bad that he’d _selfishly_ taken it.

Andrew looked to the clock on the bedside table. 

_Already 9_. 

They were supposed to be in the studio already... They had a meeting with the team to go over the new evidence in the case, what their suspicions were, how they were no closer to finding Steven than they’d been before.

His stomach gave a sharp cramp. He gasped and curled against it. He hadn’t eaten anything of substance since New York and he didn’t really care to. Every time he tried just to appease Neil, tried to wipe that look of undeserved pity and concern from his face, he felt sick.

He didn’t deserve the concern and he didn’t deserve the food.

Slowly, Andrew sat up in bed and ignored the rush of dizziness that overcame him. He grabbed a towel and made his way to the bathroom, avoiding the mirror as he undressed. 

He didn’t want to see his naked body. 

He locked the door.

He didn’t want Neil to see it either.

Once he was showered and dressed, Andrew made his way into the kitchen, intending to grab his keys and the rest of his shit so they could just go and get this over with. But, Neil stood at the stove, and Andrew ground his teeth in annoyance as he saw that he wasn’t even dressed yet. No, instead he was _cooking_ and the smell made Andrew want to puke.

“You can take the GS. I’m leaving.”

Neil spun around and gave Andrew a small, tentative smile that made his chest hurt. “Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you. I know you didn’t sleep well. Come sit down for a minute.” Neil pointed to the stools at the counter and Andrew let out a heavy sigh. _I can sit for a minute,_ he told himself. _Neil hasn’t done anything wrong_. There was no reason to take his mood out on him.

He sat and Neil turned around a second later to put a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him. Andrew closed his eyes against the sick feeling in his stomach and pushed it away.

“I’m not hungry.”

Neil shrugged, as if this was inconsequential.

“You still need to eat. I haven’t seen you eat an actual meal in days. Come on, Andrew. You’ll pass out driving to work.” He slid the plate in front of him again. “Also, we still need to talk. We can’t keep putting it off.”

Andrew clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to fucking _talk_ and he didn’t know how many ways he had to say it. Neil just didn’t fucking understand. How could he? Andrew was this way for a reason and nothing that anyone had ever tried to do for him had been able to fix _this_. Bee was the only one who’d come close and he was still fucked beyond repair. 

He pushed the plate aside again and said through his teeth, “I said, _I’m not hungry_.”

Neil froze where he was and looked at Andrew. His nostrils flared, and his lips thinned, and all Andrew could think was, _yes. Finally. Do you see now?_

Neil pushed the plate back. “I don’t give a fuck. Eat something before you end up killing yourself.”

Andrew stood and pushed the plate off the counter entirely. It smashed against the floor, shards of glass and bits of egg flying. He regretted it immediately, but it was too late. King and Sir ran to hide, and he thought Neil should probably run, too. Just to be away from him.

“I said I’m not _fucking_ hungry. What part of that didn’t you get? You know how many fucking languages? And yet here you are, unable to understand a simple sentence, trying to force feed me. Stop trying to fix me, Neil. You can’t fucking _fix_ this.” Andrew turned to find his keys. “No one can.”

When he turned back around, Neil was carefully stepping around the plate to approach him. Andrew backed up, crossing his arms over his chest, unwilling to let him get close.

 _Stone_ , he thought over and over again. He didn’t want to feel this, but the cracks were fast forming - deep and revealing. Andrew tried to hold on to it. 

_Don’t let him see._

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“ _Everything_ ,” Andrew spat back at him. Neil rolled his eyes, like Andrew was a child throwing a temper tantrum.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. I’m not trying to _fix_ you. I’m trying to fucking _help_ you. I’m worried, Andrew... You won’t talk to me, you won’t talk to Bee, you won’t take a break from the case like you need to. You’ve been treating everyone around you like fucking garbage - they don’t deserve that, Andrew. And you know what? Neither do I.” Neil’s gray eyes bore into his own.

 _Blue. They’re_ **_blue_ ** _._

 _“_ Something is wrong and I don’t know why you won’t fucking just talk to me,” Neil’s voice, it almost broke and _no no no - “_ I’m here, Andrew. Right in front of you. I’m not a hallucination.”

“You are a _fucking_ pipe dream.”

Neil shook his head roughly, trying to make sense of it, probably. Andrew watched him, completely exhausted. It was like the last dregs of life were being sucked out of him. 

He had no fight left - no will. 

He had _nothing_ because he _deserved_ nothing. 

He was cruel to keep doing this to Neil. He deserved better.

_You deserve better -_

“You should leave,” Andrew forced out, quietly.

Neil took a physical step back, like Andrew had pushed him. “What?”

~~_Don’t -_ ~~

_Do._

“I said you should leave. I should never have done this. I should never have brought you here and forced you to live with me and deal with my bullshit. I made a mistake.” Andrew stared at his boots. He couldn’t stand to look at Neil anymore - at those _eyes_ and those _freckles_ and those _lips_ and the _pinky promises_ and the _destruction of the smallest things._

Andrew was a pro at destroying the biggest.

“You think this was a mistake?” Neil asked. “You think you ‘ _forced’_ this on me? How fucking weak do you think I am? You think I wouldn’t have told you to go fuck yourself if I hadn’t wanted to live with you? To be with you? _Why are you doing this_?” Neil sounded desperate and hurt and so fucking angry.

Andrew couldn’t help it. He looked up to meet Neil’s eyes, and found furrowed brows and hands held out at his sides. 

He really didn’t get it...

It should’ve made Andrew feel bad, but it just served to fuel the anger burning in his belly that was more directed at himself than anyone.

“Because I can’t fucking do this -” he said, with more force than he meant and more feeling and _and and and -_ his voice slightly raised, “I can’t sit here and watch you try to take care of me, and fix me and put me back together when I just want to fucking let myself fall apart. I don’t care if that’s fucked up Neil, I really don’t. I just can’t fucking _do_ this anymore. We were so fucking _stupid_ to think this would work! We’re not fucking kids anymore - We’re adults with nothing in common except a pinky promise and a pack of skittles, and guess what Neil? That shit doesn’t cut it anymore.”

~~_Stop. You don’t mean that. You’re hurting him - look at him -_ ~~

Neil blinked, face a mask of shock and devastation and - he turned and made his way to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Andrew could have left then.

He could have gone to the studio alone. 

He could have jumped off a bridge. 

There were any number of options, but he didn’t...

He stayed rooted to that spot with his stomach made of lead and Bee buzzing so loud he couldn't even hear his heart beat. ~~Maybe it stopped.~~

But then Neil came out a little later, a bag slung over his shoulder and one in his hand. He stopped to pull Sir’s carrier out of the closet.

Then, _panic_ made Andrew’s heart beat double and painfully against his rib cage.

“Neil-”

“ _No_ ,” Neil said firmly, searching for Sir in all her usual hiding places. “ _Don’t_. You said what you wanted to say, so I’m listening. I’m leaving.” He found Sir and coaxed her out, putting her gently in her cage and shutting the door. He stood and looked to Andrew.

When he spoke again, it was quiet. “I understand you’re going through shit. I understand there’s something about this investigation that’s triggering for you. But you can’t just fucking hurt people who love you to try and make yourself feel better. That’s not going to work. That’s not how any of this works... I thought that’s not how _you_ and _I_ work, but it looks like you’ve proved me wrong.” He leaned down to pick up Sir’s carrier in his free hand and took a few steps closer to Andrew. “When you’re alone in this apartment and you realize what you’ve fucking done, I’ll be at Matt’s. When you’re ready to get help and stop punishing yourself for shit that you have no control over, feel free to call me. Until then, when I walk out that door, I hope you realize what the real mistake was.”

Andrew didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. He tried to keep his face as blank as possible and

Neil just shook his head and walked out the door, leaving the keys to the GS and _their apartment_ behind. 

_‘I hope you realize what the real mistake was.’_

As the door slammed behind him, and as Andrew heard that sound reverberate over and over in his head and his chest, he belatedly realized that Neil had said he loved him...

Andrew sank slowly to the floor and put his head in his hands.

_I’m finally getting what I deserve._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Andrew stop being a dick' you all said... 'please fix this' you all asked...  
> Reading the comments from last chapter, knowing what was coming next, was both hilarious for us as writers, but so so painful because as much as we live for angst, this hurt us too. 
> 
> Trust that we'll figure this out. 
> 
> Here's a song that stuck with us for this chapter:  
> [Let Me Go by NF](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WcxRWufzus)  
> (We determined NF's songs are literally Andrew)
> 
> Thank you to those that sent in emails!!! We tried incorporating them and we'll continue to in the future! Reminder that if you want to be involved, you can email us at foxholenetwork@gmail.com!!! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always, always appreciated. Feel free to yell at us in the comments (but Jeni, mainly... *eyes*) We know.. We wish we could say the pain will be short lived but... it wont be. Just bear with us. We'll fix this one way or another. We promise <3 Thank you for sticking with us and we love you all so fucking much. 
> 
> Next chapter, Episode 2, will be posted next Sunday. 
> 
> Keep up with us on our social medias  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)


	6. Episode 2: The Kidnapping of Haylie Clark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _We're sorry for our silence. We haven't posted an episode since the 9th of December and it's been nearly 2 months to the day. The Audio Notes in between has probably done nothing but create confusion and for that, we apologize. But, we're back. And we're ready to explain. - A/N_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter we've ever posted, probably... just shy of 35k. Wow. Anyway as promised, here's Episode 2. We're so sorry for taking so long to get it out, but as you can tell, it's definitely a monster. Filled with a lot of emotion and hurt, we try to wrap everything that's happened in this episode, and provide the aftermath of last chapter. Speaking of last chapter, the comments have been so unbelievably amazing. Thank you so much for the love and support and WHAT THE FUCKS. We really appreciate them and they made us laugh and hurt along with yall lol.
> 
> Now onto Episode 2. We really, really fucking hope you like it. 
> 
> Triggers:  
> Referenced Past Child Abuse  
> Referenced Past Sexual Abuse  
> PTSD  
> Depression  
> Anxiety Attacks  
> Spiraling Episodes  
> Mention of Scars  
> Topic of Steven  
> Robin recounting her trauma  
> Andrew recounting his trauma
> 
> If we've missed anything, please let us know. Okay. Let's go.

[ Intro ]

[ Opening piano - Strange Fruit Instrumental by Billie Holiday ]

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_In 2018, the United States National Center for Missing and Exploited Children assisted law enforcement and families with more than 25,000 cases of missing children._

_Of those 25,000, less than 1% were due to non-family abductions._

_Less than 1%._

_You’re listening to Season 2 of Red Rabbits: The Case of the Newark 9._

_My name is Robin Cross._

_I’m number 8._

_And I survived._

[ Piano slowly fades ] 

* * *

* * *

Neil stood outside the apartment he shared with Andrew, and was suddenly hit with the devastating realization that he and Andrew had just broken up - that Andrew had told him to _leave_ and - 

_‘You are a fucking pipe dream.’_

He set Sir’s carrier down, dropped his bags to the asphalt of the parking lot, and tried desperately to breathe. He covered his face with a hand, let out a choked sob, and felt his other hand instinctively grip the back of his neck. He felt untethered, lost, floating and sinking at the same time and, _and and and_

_How did this even happen?_

_How had it gotten to this point...?_

He felt like he could physically _feel_ his heart break. 

It was earth shattering and wrong - so un-fucking-believably wrong. 

He shut whatever voice tried to nag at the back of his head out and decided he’d used up his allotted ‘fall-apart’ time. With his pulse pounding in his ears and his breathing refusing to _get a fucking grip_ , he betrayed any shred of self-preservation he thought he had and looked back up at _their_ apartment. 

How many times had he done this? Come home from grocery shopping or the stadium to look up at _their_ balcony, only to see Andrew drinking coffee and reading, or one of the cats basking in the sun with their tail hanging through the bars.

He supposed this time he half expected to see Andrew in his usual spot, forearms on the railing and eyes down at him with that _not-smile_ playing on his lips - half expected him to open the door and call Neil back to tell him he was wrong, and that he knew the real mistake he’d made and that it _wasn’t_ Neil _._

But he wasn’t there. And Neil hadn’t been raised to believe in delusions. 

The door remained firmly shut and he finally tore his eyes away, the new cracks in his heart only growing, expanding, feathering, and faulting. 

_Pull yourself together._

_Uber. Call for an Uber._

He opened the app and put in Matt’s address before realizing there was no way he could go there. He couldn’t face him after what he’d said in New York, because the fact of the matter was, Matt was right.

Neil didn’t want to admit it to him. 

Prying his fingers from his neck and sorely missing their absence, he instead typed in the only other place he could think of. 

Twenty minutes later, he stood at the door of the only person he knew wouldn’t be at the studio. Kevin didn’t work Mondays, but Neil almost hoped no one was home. 

He lifted a hand to knock, but the door opened before he could make contact. Brianna stood there, hair down in a curly riot around her face and eyes curious. She looked down to see Neil’s bags and her eyes lit with ~~understanding~~ _no_. Pity. 

He hated it. 

Wordlessly, she opened the door wider and Neil walked in behind her. 

“Kev!” she called toward the bedroom. “Neil’s here!”

She picked up her purse and keys as Kevin walked out of the bedroom, toweling his wet hair. Brianna kissed his cheek before turning and giving Neil a hug. 

“He didn’t deserve you anyway,” she muttered quietly in his ear. Neil clenched his jaw. 

He and Kevin stared at each other as the door shut. Kevin’s eyes took in his bags before he searched Neil’s face and sighed. He gestured to the small table in the dining room and headed towards the kitchen. “Sit. I’ll make coffee.”

“Do you have tea?” Neil asked, focusing on childhood memories of a mug in his hands and his mothers almost-soft words talking him down from a panic attack, instead of allowing himself to recognize how hollow, different, and _wrong_ his voice sounded. 

He cleared his throat anyway. 

By the time Kevin joined him, Neil was slumped in one of the dining chairs with a hand clamped firmly around the back of his neck. He pressed his short nails into his skin and tried to prioritize the dull pain beneath his hand rather than the sharp ache in his chest. He only looked up when one of the chairs scraped across the wooden floor, a cup of what smelled like earl gray appeared in front of him, and Kevin’s body dropped heavily into the seat across from him. 

~~_I hate bergamot._~~ He took a sip anyway. 

“What’d he do, then?”

Neil sighed. Honestly, he was desperate to let it all out, but he also didn’t want to fucking talk about it. Kevin was like family to Andrew though. Maybe he’d understand in a way Matt couldn’t. 

“I don’t even know. I don’t know what happened or why -” his brows furrowed; head hurt. “We were just so good, Kevin. So _fucking_ good...” He set his tea aside and buried his face in his hands to try and let himself breathe for a moment. Eventually, he continued. “It’s this case... It’s triggering for him because of what he went through as a kid. I know that. But I also know there’s more to it and he won't talk to me about it.” He dropped his hands and turned them over to look at the bands creeping out of his sleeves. Neil bit into the inside of his lip and felt the old temptation to bite down until he tasted blood. He resisted. “I’m trying so fucking hard to be understanding, but I _can’t_ if I don’t even know what the fucking issue is...”

Kevin took a sip of his coffee, staring into its depths before answering. “Nothing is ever simple with Andrew.”

~~_Yes I-_ ~~

“I know that. I don’t have this illusion of him being the perfect partner and suddenly opening up to me about everything. I don’t expect him to tell me things he doesn’t want to. But I can’t function in a relationship where he’s an asshole to me because he’s hurting and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.”

Kevin nodded, “He’s punishing himself, you know.”

“I know.” Neil stared at the table, scratching a mark with his short nail. 

“Hey.” He looked up to meet Kevin’s eye. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need. But don’t completely write him off. I’ve known Andrew for a long time, and I’ve seen him in and out of hook ups. You’re the only person he’s ever let himself get vulnerable with, and I think now that he’s realizing just how close you are, he’s scared. He doesn’t want you to see the shit he still has nightmares about.” Kevin sighed this time and pressed his lips together for a moment. “You’re good for him. He just needs the space to realize it.”

_‘You’re good for him.’_

“I’m not just going to sit around like an idiot, waiting for him to get his head out of his ass.”

Kevin stood and disappeared back into the kitchen to pour himself more coffee. Neil closed his eyes and gripped his mug a bit harder. “That’s not what I’m saying. Listen,” Kevin reappeared, this time leaning his shoulder against the fridge. “It’s not like I’m great at relationships and I probably shouldn’t even be trying to give you advice. But,” he shrugged, “I just know Andrew. He’s an asshole, yeah. But he’s an asshole who cares about you. A lot.”

~~_I know_ ~~

“I’m worried about him,” Neil murmured after a stretch of quiet. 

He was. Andrew could be a loose canon sometimes and even though he told Neil to leave, should he actually have left? Who was going to watch him and make sure he was okay? Who was going to keep an eye out and -

 _No. He told you to leave. So you left. He’s probably at work right now, barreling through and pretending you don’t exist._ ~~_Because, ‘this was a mistake’._ ~~

“Do you want me to call Bee?”

~~_Yes._ ~~

Neil shook his head and took a sip of the gross earl gray. “No. I’m going to call Dan and tell her I’m not coming in. The team meeting will have to happen without me. Andrew can handle it and I can’t fucking focus right now...”

Kevin just slowly nodded and headed back to his bedroom to finish getting ready for the day, Neil presumed. Or to give him privacy. Whichever. 

Grabbing his things, Neil took the mug with him as he headed to Kevin’s spare bedroom and shut the door behind him. Setting down his tea, he let Sir out of her carrier and hugged her to his chest. She meowed up at him and suddenly, he felt horribly guilty for taking her away from King. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her, burying his face in her fur. He set her beside him on the bed before pulling out his phone. He felt a pang right in his chest when Andrew’s name was the first one in his text messages. And then, he was angry all over again. Impulsively, he blocked Andrew’s number and turned off his location. He’d probably undo it later, but right now it gave him a grim sort of satisfaction. 

_You want me gone? I’m fucking gone._

He called Dan.

 _‘Where are you?’_ she asked, clearly annoyed. He could hear Seth and Renee’s voices in the background.

“Did Andrew tell you what happened?”

_‘Andrew? He’s not here Neil, what the fuck is going on? Where are you guys?’_

_Andrew hadn’t gone to work?_ Neil chewed his lip. 

“We’re not coming in today. I’ll explain later. I can’t right now.”

_‘We have a meeting scheduled, Neil. You’re supposed-’_

“I know. I’m sorry. Tomorrow, I promise, okay?”

Dan huffed. _‘Fine... is everything okay?’_

“No.” Neil hung up the phone. 

He sat on the bed and stared at his phone. 

He bounced a knee and tried not to panic. 

What was Andrew doing that he hadn’t gone into the studio...? He usually worked _more_ when he was upset -

Neil opened his texts again and typed out a message - hesitating only briefly before hitting send. 

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Welcome to Season 2, Episode 2, of Red Rabbits, the Case of the Newark 9. I’m your host, Andrew Minyard._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And I’m your host, Neil Josten._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_One thing I want to address right off the bat-_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_You couldn’t have made it an exy idiom? I hate baseball._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Right off the stick, then. That better?_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_It’ll do._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Anyway, like I was saying. I wanted to say thank you to the team for stepping in a bit for me. I’ll get more into that later, but Neil has been here, doing all of this by himself for a minute - and I’m grateful to him and the team for keeping things moving and continuing the search._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_We’re a team. And I know we’ve been quiet on the website lately, too. We apologize for that, but know that we haven’t stopped gathering evidence and putting pieces together._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Again, I’ll speak more on that in the end. For now, you just heard our new opening. If you remember from Episode 1, the clip and voice you heard is by Steven’s sole survivor, Robin Cross. You can listen to more about her story in her interview that we posted a few weeks ago. That will be linked in the description and on our website._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_We’ll hear more from her later, too._

**_Andrew Minyard_ ** **:**

_Right. With that being said, we want to jump straight into the case. Stay tuned until the end._

* * *

* * *

Betsy was at work when she got Neil’s text. 

_‘Please go check on Andrew. I think he’s at the apartment.’_

She read it twice before responding, confused and just a little panicked. 

_‘What happened? Are you okay?’_

Neil never responded. 

She cancelled the rest of her appointments for the day, citing a family emergency when she tried calling Andrew and he didn’t answer. 

With little to no thought, she rushed to the apartment as quickly as she could. She had no idea what was going on, but for Neil not to be the one checking on Andrew, it had to be something bad. 

She knocked on the door. 

No answer. 

“Andrew?” she called. “Honey, it’s me. Can you open the door?”

No answer. 

A clock _tik tik tik tok-_ ed in her head and she immediately shoved her hand in her purse and groped around until she found her keys to the apartment. Her hands were shaking now, terror making her heart beat double as she tried the lock three times before the key finally fit and the door was open. 

At first glance it looked empty, but King’s meow quickly alerted her to Andrew lying in the middle of the living room floor, unmoving. 

_Tik tok tik tok tik tok_

“No-” She heard herself choke out before rushing towards him and dropping to her knees. He was curled in a protective ball on his side and she rolled him over so she could see his face. Blearily, he blinked at her and she sighed in relief as she desperately tried to keep it together. 

“Are you hurt?” she asked, thumb brushing his cheek, hand holding his jaw, fingers brushing back his hair. 

He just stared at her, eyes slowly filling before he closed them. 

“Oh honey...” Betsy sat him up the best she could and taking his hands reaching for her arm as cue, wrapped her arms around him as he buried his face in her chest. 

“I fucked up -” he choked around what sounded like a sob. “Bee, I’m so fucked up...”

She willed herself not to cry - willed herself to be strong. There were a lot of thin ethical lines that hung between them when she took guardianship of the twins. She stopped being Andrew’s therapist the moment the topic had been broached, and got him in with someone else she trusted as she stepped back to solely be a parental figure. At the time, it seemed simple enough and the arrangement had worked for everyone. 

However.

Andrew had never called her mom. Neither of them did. But she felt like a mother, in her heart. Right now she felt like she was watching her child break, like her son was hurting worse than she’d ever seen and far from wanting to be a therapist, she wanted to be his momma right now. So, she hugged him tighter and let him cry; something she’d only seen him do one other time, when he had to write his witness statement against Drake. 

“Andrew,” she said quietly. “Honey, whatever it is, we can figure it out, okay? We can work on it together. Where’s Neil?”

She needed to know if he was going to be able to be there for Andrew while he was working through whatever _this_ was. Looking around the apartment though, she caught sight of a plate smashed on the floor and bits of food scattered across the linoleum. 

“He’s gone,” Andrew whispered and understanding hit Bee straight in the heart. 

_This is his first heartbreak._

“Oh, sweetheart...” She squeezed him tighter before pulling back. “You’re coming home with me.”

And that was that. 

Andrew sat up fully on his own and removed his glasses, sniffing and cleaning them on his shirt. He looked so young, sitting there on the floor, criss-cross-applesauce with his glasses off and his hair in his face. She pushed it back and looked him in the eye. 

“Go pack a bag. I’ll get King ready and clean up, okay?” Andrew nodded. 

He didn’t fight it, didn’t push against the idea. 

While he packed, Bee bustled around the kitchen, cleaning up the shards of glass, eggs, and bacon with her heart beating sore in her chest. Once that was done, she gathered all of King’s essentials and when Andrew came back from the bedroom with a duffle in his hand, he hugged King once before putting her in her carrier where Bee had pulled it from the closet. That’s when she noticed that Sir was gone, too. This was worse than she thought...

Nonetheless, it wasn’t time to wonder what happened now. She finished packing King’s things and led Andrew out, locking the door behind her. Then, the two of them made their way down to her car, put his things in the trunk, secured King in the back, and made their way home. 

* * *

* * *

[ Interlude ] 

* * *

* * *

Andrew stared at the MCR poster on his bedroom wall. It was blurry without his glasses, but he knew what it looked like. He’d spent a lot of time in this bed, staring at that wall. 

Bee came in at some point, cup of hot chocolate in hand. He sat up and took it from her wordlessly, watching as she sat in his desk chair. 

“When’s the last time you ate?” she asked. 

He realized he had no idea, so he just shrugged. Honestly, he couldn’t remember. Neil tried to feed him that morning and he’d tossed it aside like an asshole. 

Bee sighed. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

The mug in his hands was warm, comforting. He set it aside on a nearby table and decided in the wake of shattering plates, he didn’t deserve that kind of comfort. What he did deserve was telling her what happened, mainly because he didn’t want to. 

So, he did. 

“I told him to leave.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue. ~~_Maybe the chocolate can wash it away._ ~~ _It can’t._ “I just... I can’t do it, Bee. This fucking investigation is making me insane and I feel like shit because I’m _supposed_ to be helping this child. He has her and here I am, wasting god damned time.” He took a deep breath and looked down at his purple blanket. “My entire life right now feels like a giant waste of time.”

“Was Neil a waste of time? Is that why you told him to leave?”

Andrew shook his head. Of course he wasn’t a waste of time. He just -

“It wasn’t fair to him. To keep him around when I’m like this. I’ve been treating him like shit. He doesn’t deserve that.”

Bee hummed. She was always so careful when they talked like this - like she didn’t want to slip back into therapist mode and make him feel like he had to tell her things. 

_I want to tell her._

She was the only one he trusted not to judge him. 

“Are the details of the case triggering for you?”

Andrew nodded and plucked at loose purple thread. Bee sighed again and set her own mug aside. 

“You need to talk to someone, Andrew. You need help. You’re always the first to tell people who need it to get counseling. Why don’t you take your own advice? Why keep punishing yourself for something you cant help?”

He knew she was right - knew he had to get this out and talk about it to someone that was well equipped to help him deal with it in order to continue working on this case. 

“Take a break from this.”

_No -_

“I _can’t_ , Bee. Every second I’m sitting here doing nothing, is another second he has her.”

Bee leaned forward on her knees and raised her brows, giving him _that_ look. “You can’t work like this and you know it. You’re going to burn yourself out and if you’re not mentally sound, how do you expect to run a proper investigation? You’re a journalist. You know this doesn’t work unless you can see things objectively.”

_Fuck. She’s right._

She was so right. He’d fucked everything up so bad that he’d lost Neil ~~_pushed him away_~~ _shut up_. He was going to lose this case if he didn’t change something. 

“Okay,” he finally said. “Refer me to someone. I’ll go.”

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Shortly after New Years, we said we had reason to believe Steven had taken another girl. In fact, you may have heard about it in the news or on social media. Her story has been all over, but we’d like to start from the beginning._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Shortly after midnight on January 1st, 5 year old Haylie Clark was taken from Grand Central Station, New York City. We just so happened to be there to celebrate the new year and we woke up to the news of her disappearance._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_I will admit, I wasn’t initially convinced when Andrew told me he thought Steven did it. It was early in the morning and all I thought he had to go on, was an anchor on ABC. Haylie is also white, and that goes against what we believe, is the MO Steven had stuck with for the past twenty or so years. I didn’t understand what would make Andrew think this disappearance had anything to do with him, but it turns out that he wasn’t the one who’d suggested it._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I’d woken up to a text from Robin. She told me to turn on the news and just said ‘It’s him’. What I saw was the same CCTV still we’d posted to the website a few weeks ago. It was of the man the police suspected of taking Haylie, and that picture was enough for Robin. After I’d relayed that to Neil, we called and spoke to her, and she was 100% positive it was him._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_We trust Robin, and if that was good enough for her, then it was good enough for me. So, we put together a quick plan and got moving as soon as we could. It’s pretty much what we’ve been working on for the last few weeks - trying to confirm what her and_ **_our_ ** _beliefs._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Right. So, the facts are as follows:_

_Haylie was with her family at Grand Central, preparing to head home after a New Year’s Eve party. It was busy, thousands of people around. They turned their backs for one second, and when they turned back around, Haylie was gone. Police were able to get that CCTV still of who we believe is Steven, but you can’t see his face in the picture._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Which is important to note, because it’s not much to go on._ _In fact, many would say it’s_ ** _nothing_** _to go on, because after all, a white man in black jacket and Yankee’s cap in Manhattan isn’t exactly a rarity. It’s the reason why we haven’t been able to convince everyone._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And right here I think it’s important to note that I was most definitely in a panic and pissed that we didn’t get to him before this happened. So while I stand by everything that we did, it felt like we were racing against the clock. Which was why our game plan turned out the way it did and we pushed forward._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Our first move - or I guess I should say, Andrew’s first move, was to go to the NYPD._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I’m sure that might surprise some of you. It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of law enforcement. But it was the logical first step, because we have a moral and ethical responsibility to try and do what we can to see that Steven is caught._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Definitely surprised me._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Yeah, well. I can see that, being as how you also hold law enforcement in such high esteem._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_About as high as you, I suppose._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_So, we went to the NYPD’s Special Victims Division. On the way there, I’d gotten the name of the detective in charge of the case and we told him what we suspected. To make a very long and colorfully worded story short, he didn’t agree. He thought we were dealing with different people and that was fine. Honestly, it was about what we expected, but out of misplaced journalistic integrity, I felt like I had to try._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Wasn’t all for naught. But once we were given the standard, ‘Wish I could help, but I can’t’, we called a team meeting. Everyone else was in the city, so we met them at Allison’s place to come up with a game plan, and honestly? Given we spent Near Year’s Eve together as a team, it was utterly surreal to wake up from a night of celebrating to another tragedy._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_To set the scene, Reynolds has a giant Greenwich apartment. It’s palatial with expensive furnishings and giant windows -_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Very Allison Reynolds._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And a very odd feeling to be in such lush surroundings, while discussing something so devastating as a fucking kidnapping._

* * *

Tuesday morning somehow came. Apparently when your world falls apart, the rest of the world keeps on moving. Which meant that Neil either had to go along with it or sit and wallow like he felt like doing. 

He decided to keep it moving. Mainly because he thought that’s what Andrew would be doing and a part of him wanted Andrew to see that he could keep his chin held up high and - fuck Neil didn’t fucking know why. 

Anyway, that was all to say that he dragged his ass out of bed, packed Sir up, and arrived at the office by ~~_their_~~ his regular time. Coffee in hand, he was met with curious stares from everyone - all of which he ignored, clenched his jaw, walked straight into his office, and let Sir out of her carrier. He opened his laptop and checked his email, for fucking sure not hoping for something from Andrew. Of course. 

~~_Would’ve been disappointed anyway._ ~~

Not even five minutes into his arrival and Dan was knocking on the door frame as she poked her head inside. He told himself he was _fine_ and gestured for her to come in. She sat herself in the big chair Andrew had once made himself comfortable in, eating lollipops and talking about dick piercings and -

“Did you fight?” Always right to the point, Dan.

He turned back to his computer. “We broke up and I don’t want to talk about it, but I’m sure it’s important for you to know. As you can see,” he gestured to himself, “I’m still here and still working. I’m not going to let it affect the podcast.”

Dan was quiet for a moment. “Well, I’m glad _you_ are. Wish we could say the same for Andrew.”

_What?_

Neil spun around. When he arrived he didn’t see the Mas in the parking lot, but Andrew was usually later than this to work...

“He sent me an email this morning. Said he needs to take a break from the case. He told me to keep it going by any means necessary and not to stop looking just because he isn’t here.”

Neil chewed the inside of his lip again. Honestly, he was glad Andrew was taking a break. He needed it. He hoped Bee had gone to check on him. 

“So, that means you're in charge now,” she said, slapping her thigh. “We need to go over what you have and we _need_ to start recording for the next episode. We’ve only put one out and that was months ago. People are asking.”

Neil shook his head, turning fully around in his chair to face her. “No,” he said automatically. “I can’t record without Andrew -” It was easier with him there. They played off each other and Andrew helped him relax and -

“Too bad. This podcast doesn’t stop just because Andrew’s being a -”

_Don’t._

“Don’t,” Neil said firmly. “Just... don’t.”

Dan inhaled a long breath then stood, pulling her skirt down from where it’d ridden up. “I’ll give you ten minutes. Everyone will be waiting in the lounge.”

“Don’t tell Matt,” Neil said, before she left. “Not yet.”

Dan looked at him sadly, and Neil looked away. He didn’t want her pity. “He’d want to help you. He’s been worried about you, you know... He’s not going to rub it in your face.”

_Still._

“I know he won’t. I’m just not ready to get into it yet.” Kevin was enough and after him, he was left feeling completely scrubbed raw.

Dan nodded, paused with another _look_ that Neil ignored, and left. Sighing, he shook his shoulders out and tried to relax as he dragged his eyes over his office as if it would give him some answers. All it told him was that he didn’t have any of the case notes. 

Remedying that, he made his way to Andrew’s office and slowly pushed open the door. It was dark and empty and for some reason, that felt about right. Neil found Andrew’s tablet, _did not_ linger, and _for sure_ immediately headed into the lounge. 

As expected, everyone was waiting on him and he decided that he was determined to pretend like absolutely nothing was wrong. So, he sat down heavily and turned the tablet on. Andrew had it connected to his cloud, so all the pictures on his phone or laptop were automatically uploaded to his tablet. Neil decided the best place to start was with the houses. He pulled the first one up. 

“We went to Newark,” Neil started without preamble. “We visited the places where the girls went missing. Andrew didn’t want to get too deep into the area and risk tipping Steven off, so we didn’t linger for long.” He thumbed through Andrew’s pictures, not looking for anything, but just for something to distract him from everyone’s eyes. “We also visited the Adirondacks and spoke to the man who found Makenna.” His gut twisted remembering Bryan Smith and the realization that Andrew was technically single now and could do whatever the fuck he wanted. Then, his gut twisted even more that _that_ was what his mind automatically went to and not the child -

He cleared his throat. 

“Then, we met with James Hodges, Matt’s realtor. He showed us around the area and a few older houses that matched Robin’s,” who he noticed was absent from the gathering, “description. Andrew doesn’t think any of them are the one, but if nothing else Robin should be able to look at them and see how hot or cold we are.” He finally lifted his head. 

Seth learned forward from his spot on the couch and raised his brows. “So then what’s going on with the podcast? We’re supposed to record this week.”

“We still are,” Dan said, typing something with fast fingers. “Neil’s going to do it alone.”

“Is Andrew aware of that?” Renee asked and Neil, for some fucking reason, wanted to tell her he didn’t really give a shit what Andrew was aware of. 

But that wasn’t really true.

“Andrew’s taking some time off. We’re not waiting for him,” Dan continued, punctuating herself with one last _tap_ on her keyboard. “We have to keep moving forward and he told me not to stop on his account. So, we’re not.”

Renee’s brows furrowed with worry. She pulled out her phone and checked it as if to see if Andrew was calling. He wasn’t. 

Neil pushed ~~shoved~~ his worry aside. 

He carried on. “We can start writing down what we want to record. I’m not Andrew, though. I’m going to need help-”

“Wymack wants to know why the fuck-”

 _Fucking_ Jack walked in the lounge already talking, completely oblivious until he caught sight of everyone’s face. 

“Who died?”

Dan rolled her eyes. “What if someone had really died, Jack? You can’t just say shit like that knowing the kind of case we’re working on.” 

“Sorry, _mom_. Where’s Minyard? Wymack is looking for him.”

“You didn’t tell him?” Neil asked Dan. She rubbed her forehead. 

“I haven’t really had time. Besides, I thought you’d want to talk to him...”

“I really don’t,” Neil replied. That was the absolute last thing he wanted to do. 

“What happened?” Jack asked, looking around at all of them. “Minyard finally get that ass kickin’ he’s been beggin’ for?”

~~_Nathaniel, don’t_ ~~

He didn’t listen. 

Neil tossed the tablet aside and stood. “No, Jack. But you might if you don’t shut your fucking mouth and leave.”

~~_Egging him on_ ~~

Jack smiled a slow, predatory smile. “Oh ho ho. Big man defending his butt buddy. What are you going to do, Wesninski? Chop me to pieces?”

~~_DONT_ ~~

Neil lunged for him. With one foot on the couch, ready to jump over it to put to use the shit his mother ~~and father~~ taught him. Seth grabbed his waist and pulled him back.

“Hey... hey,” Seth murmured in what was supposed to be a soothing voice. “Don’t let that little shit stain get to you, man. He’s not worth it... I know you hurt right now, but don’t let it get the best of y-”

Neil wasn’t listening. All he could focus on were his hands just out of reach of Jack. So easily he could wipe that stupid smirk off his face and he tried even harder to wrench himself out of Seth’s hold, but the fucking bastard wasn’t budging. He started tugging Neil towards the sound booth while Dan turned on Jack and started laying into him with a finger in his face and 

_God fucking damnit why do I have to be so fucking small!?_

Out of sight, but not out of mind, Neil’s view of Jack was cut off when Seth closed the door and pushed Neil into a chair before positioning himself in front of Neil’s only exit. “Sorry, can’t let you get kicked out for pummeling the fucker. We’d be down two hosts and that’s all we got.”

_Yeah well_

“He’s such a fucking _asshole!_ ” Neil spit through his teeth as he pushed himself from the chair and started pacing. 

“Jack or Andrew?”

“Fucking _both_ !” Neil said, unable to keep himself quiet because he was just fucking angry at _everyone_ and _everything_ . Just... All of it. Jack and Andrew and _himself_ for letting shit get to this point. He should’ve done _something_ . He had no idea _what_ , but did it really even matter now?

He fell heavily back in the chair and leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs and his head in his hands. He felt Seth kneel in front of him. 

He sighed. “I told him not to let you go.”

Neil shook his head. This was too much. “Yeah, well,” he scoffed, “he didn’t listen.”

Seth put a hand on his shoulder. Neil didn’t shrug it off. “It won’t hurt forever... I know right now it feels like it will, but it won’t.”

Neil bit his lip again. He could feel his hands shaking where they gripped at his hair and he desperately wanted a hand at the back of his neck but instead, he dropped them to look up at Seth. 

“Seth, I-” He swallowed hard. 

“I know you do.”

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_We need supplies. Dan, Robin, and Dion can go pick some up. White boards, sticky notes, highlighters. Reynolds do you have a printer? A scanner? Pull them out and let’s set up a base of operations. I want someone to go to Penn Station. It would’ve been the quickest way back to Newark on New Year’s Eve and he would’ve been able to blend in with all the other families trying to get back. Maybe there’s someone around who was there last night or something. Lloyd and Seth, you go. Lloyd knows the city and people like him because he can swing a stick. They like you fuck knows whatever reason._

**_Seth Gordon:_ **

_I’m fucking charming, don’t pretend you haven’t noticed._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Must’ve missed it somehow. Do you have something to record with?_

**_Seth Gordon:_ **

_My phone._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I don’t trust phones and I hate the way they sound. Go get a personal recorder. Renee and Neil can scour the internet. Look up every article you can find on the disappearance and see if there’s anything in the comments. It’s still early, people are probably hungover, but search anyway. Especially on twitter and Facebook. There might be a hashtag going around... Someone mentioning seeing something or any inconsistencies between stories._

* * *

* * *

Andrew turned the paper in his hands over and over. A number and a name was scrawled on it in Bee’s neat writing. It was of someone she thought he’d like - which was a tall order because Andrew hated most of the therapists he’d gone through after Bee. Unfortunately, the one he disliked the least had moved out of state. So, Andrew was stuck with a new person and he’d been trying to make himself call their office for an appointment for the last hour. 

He sighed and set the number aside.

_I’ll do it later._

Something savory wafted through the air. Bee was cooking dinner and it smelled... good. Pot roast probably, he thought. It was his favorite... She was trying to tempt him into eating. He’d try tonight.

For her. 

He knew she was worried sick about him. She’d taken the rest of the week off. 

Rolling over in bed, Andrew pulled the purple fleece over his head when his phone rang. 

His heart leapt. 

_Neil?_

He hoped not. 

It wasn’t. 

Dan’s **Cap’n** appeared at the top of his screen. He could just not answer, but he didn’t want to miss anything happening with the case. 

“What?”

He could practically hear her eyes roll through the phone. _‘I just wanted to let you know that we’re having Neil record the episode by himself.’_

Andrew sat up. “What? I haven’t even started writing it yet-” his mind was going a mile a minute. “I have all the notes and -”

_‘Neil has what he needs. We’ve already met about it. We’re going to sit down today to write it all out. I just wanted to keep you in the loop.’_

Andrew shook his head. He threw the blanket off and started rooting around for his shoes. “No. I’m coming in. I at least need to be there to write -”

_‘Andrew, if you set foot in my studio I’m calling security to throw you out.’_

He froze. _Excuse me?!_ “Excuse me?”

_‘Once you get your shit together and your head straight, then you can come in here ready to work. I’m not going to let you run yourself into the ground for this, Andrew. I know this is important work, but your mental health is important too. I told you to take a break in New York and you didn’t. Consider this me forcing you to.’_

He hung up the phone and threw it on the bed. 

Then, he paced for a few minutes, mentally calculating how long it would take for campus security to get him out of the building, and how much he could get done in that time. 

It was just so fucking _stupid_. He should at least write it. He could do that from Bee’s, no problem -

He picked up the phone to call Neil.

Stopped.

Then pressed his name. 

He needed to see what he had and they could figure this out. Whatever was going on between them wasn’t as important as this case and -

It went straight to voicemail. He looked down at his phone confused, before trying again. 

Voicemail again.

He found Lloyd’s number somewhere in his phone (that he most certainly had not manually entered on his own) and called it.

_One_

_Two_

Three rings. Then,

 _‘Hello?’_ Matt was either confused, or stupid. 

_Now’s not the fucking time, Andrew._

“Is Neil with you? I need to talk to him.”

_‘No? Shouldn’t he be at the studio? I haven’t talked to him.’_

Andrew sat on the bed and stared at the fucking MCR poster. “What do you mean you haven’t talked to him? He didn’t come to your place yesterday?”

Lloyd’s tone turned icy. _‘No, he didn’t. Why the fuck would he need to come to my place, Andrew? What did you do?’_

Andrew hung up the phone and with a shaking hand, opened his find my friends app. 

Logically, he knew that Neil must’ve been at the office because Dan said he’d do the podcast instead but -

 _But but but_ logic wasn’t fucking talking right now and Andrew was panicking because a notification popped up that said Neil had stopped sharing his location and -

It hit him then. 

Honestly, it should’ve been obvious. 

Neil had blocked him.

Cut him off completely.

Hurt and anger warred inside his chest. He had no right to feel this way, he knew that. He _knew_ he was being unfair and selfish, but by fuck he didn’t fucking _care_. They still had to fucking work together, after all and -

He was at the studio. He had to be. Dan said - Andrew didn’t know why he’d expected Neil to just stop working like he had. He wasn’t the one that was fucked up. 

~~_It’s me._ ~~

_Fine._

Neil wanted to cut him off?

_Fine._

Andrew could cut Neil off, too.

Like a child, he went to his closet and opened the doors, hoping that some of his old clothes still fit. 

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Everyone was immediately ready to get shit done - to move forward and figure this out. It was a strange atmosphere of eager readiness and somber reflection._

_Robin was our figurehead. She’s steady and strong, and she’s a living reminder of what Steven is capable of. We hadn’t forgotten, and seeing Robin’s steely determination to help however she can, is always extremely motivating._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_I think everyone was upset. But it fueled the need to do something._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_That’s one of the benefits of our crew of sob stories. We’re all determined, I think, to prevent anyone from feeling the pain we’ve dealt with. So, we’re easily outraged when it comes to the mistreatment or harm of children._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Not exactly a bad quality to have._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Definitely not._

_So, everyone went their separate ways._

_I went to Grand Central alone and I can honestly say listeners - I have no idea what I’d hoped to accomplish. Cops were still crawling around talking to people, so there was no way I was going to get anywhere. Still, I wanted to be where she was - I wanted to try and gain a sense of where she might have_ **_been_ ** _. It didn’t help._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Renee and I found nothing on the internet yet. We searched for articles and comments and social media with no luck. But, it was only around 9AM on New Years day, so that wasn’t so surprising. However, Matt and Seth ended up finding something at Penn Station._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_They’d went around to different shops that may have been open late on New Year’s Eve, and struck gold at Magnolia Bakery. A man who worked there claimed to have seen Steven and Haylie._

* * *

* * *

Neil and Dan wrote all day. They had a pretty good script, he thought. Maybe not as good as what Andrew would’ve written, but it was still decent. Informative, to the point, it let people know what they’d found and encouraged them to keep sending in tips. The gas station one had been a huge help and he hoped others followed suit. 

Recording was set for the next day. He still hated having to do all of this without Andrew, but he would in order to keep it going. He may be hurt and angry, but he wouldn’t let that get in the way of finding Steven... They needed to keep this going and Andrew? He needed to step away. 

It was dark by the time Neil left the studio. He was the last one there, putting the finishing touches on the script and preparing things for the next day. With his bag over his shoulder and Sir’s carrier in one hand, he scrolled through his phone with the other to call for an Uber to take him back to Kevin’s. That’s when something suddenly moved near him. Neil nearly dropped his phone as his ears perked and he jumped back, ready to fight just when he recognized Matt holding up his hands. Neil relaxed while a voice inside his head berated him for letting his guard down. 

He ignored it. Seemed to be the theme of the past few days. 

_Anyway._

“Dan called you, I assume?”

Matt shook his head. “Minyard, actually.”

Neil stopped walking. “What? Why would Andrew call you?”

“He seemed to think you were with me. He was trying to get ahold of you, I guess.” Matt shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against his truck. He’d driven it down from New York so he could have it here. He was excited to be in a place where he had to drive it everywhere and there were a few times where both he and Dan joked about making sure Matt didn’t accidentally hit Neil with it again.

Neil sighed to himself. 

“I blocked him.”

Matt slowly nodded. “I gathered. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. We don’t have to talk about it, but I won't lie. I’m a little bummed you didn’t call me. Where’d you end up?”

“Kevin’s.”

“Wow, now I’m really upset,” Matt said, but he had a small smile on his lips.

“I’m sorry.” Neil joined him and set Sir’s carrier against the pavement. She meowed up at him and he stuck his finger through the front gate to _boop_ her nose, before he straightened and leaned beside Matt against the truck. “I just didn’t want to get into it. With all the stuff you said in New York...” he shrugged “I don’t know... I didn’t want to admit you were right, I guess.”

Matt sighed, too. “I’m not glad I was right, you know.”

“I know.”

Matt clapped his shoulder, then walked around to the driver’s side. “Come on. Let’s go drop Sir and get dinner. We can talk about anything else. I’ll bring you back at Kevin’s after.”

And with that, Neil got in without argument. 

* * *

* * *

[ People in the background, announcements spoken over a loudspeaker. Footsteps from every direction. Soft music interspersed in between ]

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Thank you so much for the information, Mr. Ramirez. Did you see this man?_

**_Ramirez:_ **

_I mean, I can’t see his face, you know? But looks like the same white guy with a black Yankee cap and a black jacket. Had a little girl with him._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Describe the little girl._

**_Ramirez:_ **

_Blonde hair, looked maybe five? She was wearing a big puffy pink jacket and white sneakers. I only remember that because her shoes were untied. I couldn’t see her face. It was around 1:30ish in the morning, you know? We were about to close after the New Year’s Eve rush, and he was holding her. She was asleep on his shoulder._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Possible chloroform?_

**_Ramirez:_ **

_What?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Did he say anything? Maybe where they were going?_

**_Ramirez:_ **

_No, nothing like that. Just ordered a Christmas cupcake and had me box it up for him. I assumed it was for the girl._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Can you describe in more detail what he looked like?_

**_Ramirez:_ **

_5’8, 5’9 maybe. Brown hair, brown eyes. White. Uhhh, his ears were kind of big? I don’t know man... he just looked like a white guy._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Yeah, well we all do look exactly the same. Is there anything else? Anything at all? Even if it seems unimportant?_

**_Ramirez:_ **

_I don’t think so._

* * *

* * *

Andrew looked at himself in the mirror. The club clothes he’d dug out of his old closet still fit. They were a little tight, especially in the shoulders, but that wasn’t exactly a bad thing. 

He changed out his piercings so they were all black - black studs, black clothes, black heart. 

_Perfect._

He grabbed his keys and made to leave Bee’s, intending to uber to his apartment to pick up the Mas. Unfortunately, he thought Bee had gone to bed. Earlier, he’d managed to eat a few bites of roast before going back to his room, and he thought he’d heard her shut her door but

He was wrong. 

“Andrew?” She came around the corner from the living room, steaming mug in her hand and glasses perched atop her nose. She gave him a once over. “Everything okay?”

~~_No._ ~~

“Yeah,” he lied, not meeting her eyes. “I’m just going out.”

A beat of silence. When he looked up, she had her lips pursed, but eyes so _so_ soft. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

~~_Absolutely not._ ~~

“Positive.”

She gave him one of her sighs. He knew she wouldn’t argue with him. Bee was the type of person to let him fuck up and make his mistakes. “Be careful.”

He left without another word.

-

When he got to the apartment, he looked up to their balcony window - thinking maybe, just _maybe,_ Neil would be there. _Maybe_ there would be a light on, some hint of life, anything. 

Then he remembered Neil had left his keys. 

Andrew dropped into the front seat of the Mas and resisted looking again just to _make sure_. He punched the gas as hard as he dared. 

-

The drive to Columbia was enough time for him to work himself up to the night and not out of it. Somehow, he convinced himself this was what he needed. 

A night to unwind. 

He could have a few drinks. 

Maybe flirt with someone. 

Maybe more. 

It was just that he wanted to forget _Neil_ for a night... He wanted to lose himself in something, someone. 

He wanted to be _free_. 

Pulling into Eden’s lot, he took a parking pass from an unfamiliar bouncer, then parked his car and went to pull the keys from the ignition. Trapped between his pointer and middle, he stared at the pass and how the purple lights above Eden’s door shone all the way to his car, through the tinted windshield, casting a weird glow over everything and - 

_What the fuck am I doing?_

_Forgetting. That’s what I’m doing. I’m going to find someone to get off with and -_

_No._

The edges of the ticket were so purple... Purple pens and purple blankets and purple _fucking_ nose piercings and 

_Neil._

He dropped the ticket and threw his glasses to the passengers side - the side where _Neil_ was supposed to be sitting... Dressed in black clothes he would never fucking wear and _those_ jeans with the rips in the knees, with his stupid fucking eyes and his stupid fucking smile and _and and and_

This was so wrong... Putting his hands on someone else, _anyone_ else but Neil?

_I miss him_

Andrew tried to breathe. He sucked in a deep breath or maybe he didn’t. His lungs hurt and he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes so hard that he saw white stars and the scar on his cheek throbbed with old pain. 

And that was when he realized that he wouldn’t be able to forget. Ever. 

Old vices and ways to get rid of pain didn’t fucking work anymore. He wasn’t 18 - 

_I’m 27 years old_ . _This isn’t me anymore._

He wasn’t the same angry fucking teenager, ready to burn himself and everyone else in his wake. He was still angry, still destructive - but he’d fucking grown. He _had_ to believe that... With Bee’s help and counseling and working for it, he’d been able to not only cope with what happened to him, but also accept it. He hadn’t moved on, clearly - but he knew that none of what happened to him was his fault. That he was a fucking child and they were predators. Since then, he’d been able to accept relationships with people, with his family, and none of that would’ve been possible if it weren’t for all the fucking hard times and 

And going into a god damned club in clothes he’d worn when he was _that_ person, trying to drink and orgasm his fucking pain away, wasn’t something he could let himself do.

No matter how nice oblivion sounded. 

Because now he had more to live for and more work to do in order to let himself know that he was worth _good things_. 

_Like_ ~~_love_ ~~

_Neil._

Andrew didn’t put his car in reverse until he got his breathing under control. He didn’t pull out from the lot until he knew what he had to do, how he was going to do it, and _why_ he was fucking doing it to begin with. 

_Not_ **_for_ ** _Neil. But_ **_because_ ** _of him._

He drove straight back to Bee’s. 

He couldn’t stand to be in that apartment alone with all of _their_ things. With the Christmas tree still up with that stuffed cat on top and Neil’s exy stick still in the closet. 

-

Once he arrived, he opened the door quietly and saw the light still on in the living room. 

Bee sat on the couch, wrapped in one of her favorite blankets with a book in her lap and pretending she wasn’t waiting up for him.

He walked towards the light. 

They looked at each other for a long minute before he finally spoke. 

“What’s wrong with me, Bee...?”

Gently, she set her book down and opened an arm for him. If he were still that 18 year old kid, he wouldn’t’ve accepted it. 

_But I’m not._

He sat beside her on the couch and let her hug him to her side. 

“Your heart is broken, honey. You’ve got to stop trying to smash it to pieces.”

-

He made an appointment with the therapist the next morning. 

* * *

* * *

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_The description he gave matched Haylie’s, right down to the shoes. Steven_ **_had_ ** _come through with her, most likely relying on blending in with all the other families trying to get home. To everyone he must’ve just looked like_ _a doting father buying a cupcake for his little girl._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Exactly. And at that point, I was both angry and determined. I knew we were on the right track and despite what the NYPD had to say, I knew we weren’t wrong.. Steven had taken Haylie to Penn because it’s the quickest way to Newark, and it would’ve been all too easy to blend in. I set off with Seth and Lloyd in tow to see if we could find anything else._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_You won’t even say his name right on the air? For the sake of accuracy?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I have no idea what you’re talking about. So, we sniffed around. We didn’t find anyone else that had seen them, but we did find something that shook all of us to our core._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Haylie’s purple glasses._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Haylie’s purple glasses. Again, I referred to the police. Which probably has you asking, ‘But, Andrew, why bother?’ Good question. The fact of the matter is, I’m a journalist, not a crime scene investigator or forensic specialist. I can’t do things like dust and run prints, So, I called them._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_After snapping a picture._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I sure fucking did. I won’t lie. I don’t want it swept under the rug._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Good._

_So with their discovery, Andrew, Matt, and Seth made their way back to Allison’s apartment where we were all waiting. We had another team meeting and this one left everyone reeling with Andrew’s discovery._

* * *

* * *

Neil sat in the booth with Seth on Friday listening to what he’d recorded. It was taking forever. He kept fucking up what he was supposed to say - kept accidentally looking for Andrew to chime in and 

_I hate this so fucking much._

Seth marked another section for him to re-record and Neil sighed. 

“I can’t do this without him.”

“No negative bullshit in my booth, Josten. You can do it, you just have to believe you can do it.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Okay Mr. Rogers.”

“Mr. Rogers was a Saint, you watch your mouth.”

Neil reluctantly smiled and pulled the script back towards him. It was considerably thinner than Andrew’s normal transcript (as Seth helpfully pointed out to him), but it would have to do. It wasn’t _bad_ at all. It just wasn’t _Andrew’s._

Anyway. 

“Can I ask you something?” Seth asked, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet up on the clear space where equipment wasn’t. 

“Sure,” Neil didn’t look up from thumbing through the transcript. Seth would ask and he decided he could either answer or not. 

“What’s it like? Living with your partner? I mean... obviously before all the bullshit. When it was good, you know?”

Neil did meet his eyes then, hurt that he would even ask, to be honest. But knowing Seth, he didn’t mean anything by it. Nonetheless, he must’ve seen it in Neil’s face. 

“I mean,” he quickly tried to amend. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine. It's just... Dion wants to move up here to be with me, and I want it so fucking bad I can taste it. But... I don’t know. I’ve never lived with someone I’m in a _real_ relationship with. We’re never in the same place. Did it make it harder for you guys?”

_‘Did it make it harder for you guys?’_

Neil tasted something bitter at the back of his tongue and his stomach felt off. He wondered if it was bile or the words he wanted to say, but wouldn’t let himself. Instead, he tried to focus back down at the papers before him, but all he could see were blurry words filled with blurry meaning. 

_Don’t._ He wanted to say. 

_Don’t do that to yourself. Because when it ends, one of you will have to leave your home and your bed and your Christmas tree. You’ll get used to sleeping next to someone, to tangling your feet together every night and feeling the safest you’ve ever felt in your life. You’ll realize how unbelievably touch starved you’ve always been, and when he runs a finger down your arm while you’re both watching reruns of The Office, it’ll feel like fire - a fire you’ll want to fucking consume you._

_But when that fire is gone, you’ll be left feeling cold and alone and -_

Neil forcefully cut off his thoughts and didn't say any of those things. He focused on the question by sheer force of will. 

Did it make it harder? Neil didn’t think so. Because while the end had been made up of harsh words and broken hearts, before that had been good. Really good. The best he’d ever been... Before that had been nothing but secret second batches of waffles and kissing whipped cream off the corner of Andrew’s mouth. Of talking and laughing and playing with the cats. 

He didn’t think he’d take any of that back if he could. 

He didn’t think he could go back to being hidden - not even if it meant his heart wouldn’t break like this. 

He was glad Andrew found him. He was glad they lived together and Andrew showed him how good life could be.

“No,” Neil eventually said. “It didn’t make it harder.”

“You think I should do it?”

“I think if Dion makes you happy and you want to be with him, then yeah. I think you should do it.”

Seth smiled. It was a blooming, bright thing and Neil could see why Dion loved him. Seth was a good guy and Neil always teetered between wanting to spill his guts to him and wanting to tell him nothing. Because the thing about Seth was that he could _see._

Even the things Neil wanted to keep hidden. 

* * *

* * *

[ Faint echo ]

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Here’s what we know. Steven snatched Haylie from Grand Central Station around 1AM. According to the news, witnesses told police it was a white guy in a black hat and jacket. There’s a CCTV still him. Renee, If you can print that out? And you ID’d him as Steven. And here’s what we found. They were at Penn Station, we can only assume to catch a train to Newark. Matt and Seth found an employee at the Magnolia Bakery who had seen them. Steven allegedly stopped with Haylie, who the employee described as asleep, and bought a Christmas cupcake to go._

**_Allison Reynolds:_ **

_Why wasn’t she screaming and yelling if she was kidnapped? Wouldn’t she have been crying, at least?_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_He drugged her. Sometimes if I was crying about my parents or having a tantrum, he would give me what he called medicine. Maybe it was, I don’t know. I just know that when he gave it to me, I would fall asleep pretty quickly after.”_

**_Dan Wilds:_ **

_Benadryl? Some sort of allergy medicine?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Maybe. But getting a kid to drink something from a stranger? Maybe it was something like chloroform. Easy to use and stronger, to make sure she stayed out, so he’d just look like a doting father carrying his sleeping child. We also found her glasses. I compared them with the picture on the news just to make sure, but it’s them. Renee, print that out, too._

**_Allison Reynolds:_ **

_Did you take them?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I called the cops. Trust me, I didn’t fucking want to. I didn’t have a choice. They needed the info and it’s not like I can run prints from this apartment. We’ve confirmed that they went through Penn. That’s enough right now. Renee, did you and Neil find anything online?_

**_Renee Walker:_ **

_All the stories we found were basically the same. No comments from anyone, saying that they knew anything._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_It’s still early, so we should keep an eye on that. I’m going to figure this out. Robin has told us Haylie may have a little time before… We may have a little time. So, I’m staying in New York for now. I need everyone doing their jobs at home to make sure things are running smoothly. Seth and Renee have other jobs they have to get back to. Dan, I don’t know if you need to be back in studio for Dayly Exy, but I don’t need any of you to stay here. You’re more use to me where I can call you to post whatever audio or message I may need to the website._

**_Dan Wilds:_ **

_I’m here until the semester starts and I have to deal with the interns. Matt and I are staying with his mom, so you’ll have us here._

**_Dion:_ **

_Alli and I have to get back to Miami. But we’ll be around if you need anything._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Neil and I will stay here, if Reynolds has no objections._

**_Allison Reynolds:_ **

_It’s fine. I’ll let security know. Just don’t ruin another one of my cars. I know I have spares but they’re precious, asshole._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_No promises. Okay. Let’s catch a real monster._

* * *

* * *

“Thanks for coming in to meet with me, Andrew.”

Andrew nodded. He sat on a squishy couch in a small, but comfortable office. There was a desk shoved into one corner with papers haphazardly strewn about, a small two seater couch where Andrew now sat, a round orange carpet with a very ugly red armchair on top that the therapist occupied, and bookcases taking up the rest of the space. 

It was a far cry from Bee’s office. Her OCD prevented the space from ever getting truly messy and for some reason, Andrew had always appreciated that maybe she had her own shit she was just living with. It never bothered her anyhow, having OCD or people knowing about it. He liked that as a teenager. It made him think that maybe one day he could say, ‘I’m riddled with anxiety and depression mixed with PTSD, and suffer from spiraling episodes when I’m triggered’. 

The thought made him want to laugh. 

“I’ve been through the notes your last therapist left. Thank you for having them sent over, by the way. It makes our time here a lot less redundant.” John, the therapist, flipped through the papers in front of him. 

He seemed okay, Andrew supposed. He was small like Andrew, maybe Neil’s height with the thickest black glasses he’d ever seen - giant black squares that seemed to take up half his face, yet still suited him. He also had graying hair paired with an equally gray beard and Andrew wanted to ask what demon he’d sold his soul to in order to be able to grow a thing like that. It was the type of beard Andrew could never even dream of having. He had to shave, sure, but compared to other men he was relatively hairless. 

Not that he was complaining. 

Anyway, he’d had the notes sent over because he didn’t want to rehash his entire history for this guy. He was already in a bad place and the thing about therapy was that no matter how much it helped in the end, shit was always bad in the beginning. Comparatively, it was like deep cleaning a house. You drag every single thing you own out of all the closets and cabinets and dark corners, and at one point or another you look around and think, ‘this is worse than it was before. Why did I bother?’ 

But.

_But._

When you’re done scrubbing the corners raw and getting rid of old safety blankets, the feeling of knowing that your house is clean and you’ve gotten rid of the things that were weighing you down, makes it all worth it. 

~~Or something like that.~~

“Is there a particular place you’d like to start?” Andrew shook his head. 

“Okay. Let’s begin with work then. How is that going? I know from the brief conversation we had on the phone, it’s become a bit of a burden for you.”

Andrew took a deep breath.

Then he talked. 

He had to. As much as he wanted to revert back to the person he’d been before Bee and Aaron, Nicky and Kevin - before Wymack and Abby,

_Before Neil._

He couldn’t. He _wanted_ to get better and he wanted to get back on this case. He _wanted_ Neil... He wanted Neil to see that he was trying. He wouldn’t let himself think about getting back together with him. He _wanted to_ , and sometimes when it was late at night and he had nothing to do but stare at that fucking MCR poster, all he wanted was to feel Neil’s _stupid_ freezing cold feet under his calves. 

But, none of that mattered in the face of the fact that he wasn’t healthy right now and any kind of relationship he entered with Neil would be affected by that. 

Neil deserved so much better than that. 

Better than him. 

Anyway.

The hour went by quickly. They had about fifteen minutes left when John asked if he wanted to talk about Neil. 

“No,” Andrew said. “Not yet.”

It was still too raw.

“Okay, maybe next time. I did want to ask you about medication. It looks like here...” He referred to Andrew’s file, “you’ve never taken anything for the PTSD or anxiety and depression.”

“No.”

“Would you consider it? I think it would be really beneficial for you, especially for the nightmares. We could try it on a trial-”

“No,” Andrew said again, this time a lot firmer. “No pills. I know they help people and that’s great for them. I just don’t like feeling out of control of my mind. I’ve dealt with this my entire life, I can keep dealing.”

“How has ‘dealing with it’ gone for you?”

 _Oh_. Oh, this guy was fucking quick. He wanted to hate him for that. But, he couldn’t. Not really. He wasn’t wrong, anyway. Maybe this was just another way of Andrew punishing himself. Who knows?

“No pills.”

When he was back in the Mas and behind the wheel, he waited to leave. He was going to have nightmares tonight - that he knew for certain. But who would it be, he wondered? Steven or Drake? Or one of the others, maybe... Maybe the one who choked him quiet at night. 

Maybe all of them would come together this time and Andrew’s heart would stop in his sleep. 

Quick and easy. 

_You can’t think like that._

But couldn’t he?

Bee began to hum low and he sighed to himself as he gripped the wheel harder. 

He’d just pulled everything out of his proverbial cabinets and closets and he couldn’t do anything but try and put all of the shit back in, one thing at a time. 

-

Once he was back at Bee’s, he sat at his tiny desk in his tiny room and wrote furiously. It wasn’t just X’s this time, but words that bled from his soul and out of his fingers and onto the page. They were words to himself. 

But most were words to Neil. 

He was sorry. He was stupid. He was so fucking broken and fucked and he was trying so hard to fix it. 

He missed him. He missed his face and his hands and his _stupid fucking blue god damned eyes._ But more than that, he missed just having him _here_ \- a warm and safe presence behind him.... Missed curving his body around Neil’s at night, when they were good. 

Missed the decaf coffee when the nights were bad. 

He wrote all of it down. He told him everything that had been fucking him up these past few weeks. And then, when he felt empty and full, worn out with his pulse pumping in his ears and hands shaking with nerves or exhilaration or _something_ \- he tore out the pages, ripped them to a million pieces, and flushed them down the toilet. 

It helped.

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_The discovery of Haylie’s glasses was a punch in the gut for everyone._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_It was. I think we were all in a sort of state of disbelief that you actually found solid evidence that not only confirmed that Steven had actually been there, but that he was careless as well._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_That kind of mistake isn’t how he’s stayed hidden for so long. Which leads me to ask why did he let it happen? Was it actually an accident or was this just him taunting us?_

_I’ll admit that wasn’t my first assumption when we found the glasses, but based on new evidence, everything we find is being called into question. We’ll get into that more in a bit._

* * *

* * *

Sunday was Nathaniel Wesninski’s birthday. 

It was Neil’s now, too, he supposed. 

He’d never put much stock in birthdays, so when he had to fill out the forms for his new birth certificate at the FBI, he’d just put his real one down. That fake birthday he’d had that made _old_ Neil Josten one year older, wasn’t _real_ and he didn’t want that. He wanted to be what he was now. 

Neil was hiding in Kevin’s spare room at the moment. He had the script in front of him, going over it again for the hundredth time - partly for lack of anything better to do, and partly because he felt like he was missing something. 

Birthday well spent, in his opinion - wondering why the fuck was Steven in Philly that day? It was only a week before he took Haylie. Was he planning on snatching a girl in Philly before that? Why would he change, then? It probably would’ve been easier for him to get in and out of Pennsylvania on New Years Eve, than it would’ve been to get out of New York. Less people... he could drive feasibly... what if it was something else?

Neil watched the security footage again and again. Andrew had sent everything that wasn’t in the cloud to Dan so they could put the episode together. Some of his handwritten notes, recordings, etc. Neil watched Steven come in, watched him purchase his items, then watched him leave. There had to be _something_ here. 

_Oh-_

Neil sat up straight. 

What if Steven had a safe house in Philly? That’s what his father always did, wasn’t it? Nathan had safe houses up and down the entire east coast, just in case. He could hide whatever he needed to hide, whoever he needed to hide, including himself. What if Steven was doing the same?

According to Robin, he’d taken her straight to his home when he got her. But, what if this time was different? Maybe knowing Robin got away had spooked him into being more careful... Maybe he decided taking Haylie somewhere else before bringing her home would be better... Better to wait for the frenzy surrounding her kidnapping to disappear before bringing her back to that basement?

_What if she’s not in Newark at all?_

Neil picked up his phone to call Andrew, then stopped. 

And then remembered. 

This was _important_. Andrew would want to know this... But he hadn’t heard from Andrew at all since the day he’d told Neil to leave. 

He did try to call though, Neil remembered, and ended up calling Matt instead. He didn’t tell Matt it was important, though - didn’t tell him to give Neil a message...

Neil ran his thumb over his phone distractedly, wondering what the right answer could even fucking be in this situation. 

His chest still hurt every time he thought about Andrew... but after a few days of pain and emptiness and hurt ~~and betrayal~~ , he realized that more than his own aching, he sincerely hoped Andrew was taking this time to get help - to get his head straight and take care of himself. Neil didn’t want to ruin that by bringing up the case.

So, he didn’t call Andrew, but he did unblock his number. A stab of guilt made his chest tighten. 

_‘Call me,’_ he’d said and then almost immediately blocked Andrew’s number...

_What kind of person does that make me?_

Kevin knocked on the door and effectively ejected him out of his thoughts. “Hey, I need to run to the studio to get something and I can’t find my keys. Can you come with me?”

Neil shoved the papers on his lap aside, shook the _whatever_ that hummed beneath his skin and stood before opening the door. “Just take mine,” he said, voice a lot steadier than he felt. Reaching over to the small dresser in his room, he picked up the keys. 

Kevin shook his head. “I need you to enter your code to get me into the building. Security will be on.”

“... Or I could just give you my code.”

Kevin’s face turned offended. “That’s not proper protocol, Neil. You’re not supposed to give that number out to anyone - Have you been giving it out? The whole building is compromised now.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “You’re so fucking dramatic. How does Brianna put up with it?”

Kevin shrugged. “She’s twice as dramatic. It all evens out.”

“That’s not how it works...” Neil mumbled, then grudgingly put his shoes on and followed Kevin to his car. Briefly, he thought about mentioning that it was his birthday, but he’d feel like an idiot. Why does it matter? It wasn’t like he wanted Kevin to tell him ‘Happy Birthday’. Maybe it was that he wanted to be able to say, _‘It doesn’t matter. It’s not a big deal. I wonder what it would’ve been like if Andrew and I were still together.’_

Anyway.

Dan’s car was there when they pulled up. Neil looked at the clock on Kevin's dash. Why was she here at six o’clock on a Sunday? _She works too damn much_ , Neil thought. 

He used his key fob to open the door and let Kevin through. He didn’t need his code since Dan was already there, which meant the alarm was turned off. Getting out of the house seemed to be useless, but it felt good nonetheless to be doing something productive, even if it was nothing. 

The lights in the lounge were on, and when they finally came into view, a flurry of people jumped up and yelled, “SURPRISE!”

Not just people - _everyone_ was there. Dan and Matt and Seth and even Robin. Renee was a bit more subdued, but still offered him a small smile. Neil’s heart almost came right out of his chest, and he must’ve looked like an idiot, he was so fucking startled. 

Matt got to him first and wrapped him in a tight hug. “Happy birthday, little buddy.”

Neil laughed, and it felt so _fucking_ good. 

“How did you even know?” 

“We spent months tracking you down,” Dan shrugged. “And, I have access to your personnel files. I always put everyone’s birthday on my calendar when they’re hired so I don’t forget. Lucky for you,” she said with a grin, patting his cheek before joining everyone else.

Neil couldn’t even find it in himself to be mad... because this was _nice_. He would’ve thought it would be torture, but it wasn’t. 

He laughed with Seth and Matt and even managed to get down a few bites of cake, before giving the rest to Kevin (who pretended to be disgusted, but secretly had a sweet tooth that could rival even Andrew’s - _Andrew)_ . He _didn’t_ think about how he would’ve given the slice over to _him_ instead and -

He also didn’t know when he’d realized all these little things about the people around him, but he had and -

 _No, not anyway._ Andrew’s absence was the elephant in the fucking room. Neil kept feeling like he was forgetting something, before remembering it was _him_ . But all that reminded him was that Andrew wasn’t the only thing he had now. No, Neil was _their_ family and _they_ were his. Dan and Seth and Matt and Renee and Kevin - they were worth every single cut and bruise and scream. 

Seth, who had been looking through his phone suddenly let out a loud laugh. “Cap’n you tryna take over my role as resident shit stirrer?” 

Dan just shrugged her shoulders and gave Seth a look that said ‘ _Maybe I am._ ’ 

“What’d she do?” Neil asked. Seth handed over his phone. It was on the website, and there was an ask she’d answered saying that they were having a party for Neil and that the _whole team_ was invited. He was confused for only a moment about what kind of shit that would stir - when he realized. 

“You invited him,” Neil said. Not a question. Dan nodded. 

“Thought maybe he’d want to start with this. Maybe get back into the groove of the team. Guess not.”

Neil ground his teeth. “That wasn’t your call,” he said. “And you can’t have seriously expected he’d show up? I haven’t heard from him in almost a fucking week. You think he’s going to come here for a fucking birthday party?”

Dan looked taken aback. “Neil-”

He ignored her and stood, walking towards his office. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so he shut the door behind him - fully aware that he was acting like a child, but he couldn’t fucking help it. He flipped on the light and froze. 

There, on his desk, was a messily wrapped present. The paper was purple and despite the haphazard wrapping, the bow was set in perfect loops. The box itself was long and thin and Neil _knew._ He knew it was from Andrew. Everything about it _screamed_ Andrew and Neil?

He didn’t even want to fucking look at it. 

Suddenly, he was angry all over again. 

How dare he?

How dare he tell Neil to get out of his apartment, out of his _life_ , and then leave a gift here for him like that would make things any better. 

Neil pulled his phone out of his pocket, intending to text Andrew a middle finger emoji, when he saw a notification from the website. 

The header read, ‘ **Happy Birthday, Neil’**. He opened it up and all the fight went out of him. 

_Happy Birthday, Neil_

_I’m glad you were born, too. -A_

_‘I’m glad you were born, too.’_ An echo of the birthday message he’d left Andrew all those months ago. It was before they’d gone out to dinner... Before Neil had taken him to Eden’s where they’d drank and danced and -

_________________

_“It’s your birthday,” Neil said. “We should dance.”_

_Andrew looked at him like he was an idiot. “I don’t dance and you should know that.”_

_Neil just shrugged. He’d only had one drink, but he still felt warm. It was just enough to make him feel like he wanted to press his body against Andrew’s. He wondered if he could feel Andrew’s heart beat against his own, if they pressed close enough. Decidedly, he stored that away to try later as he leaned in and placed a kiss to Andrew’s neck. Andrew moved his head to the side, just like Neil knew he would - just like he always did._

_“Come on,” he said. “I’ll make it worth your while.”_

_Andrew hummed that low, delicious sound that made every nerve in Neil’s body fucking_ **_sing_ ** _. He asked, “What do I get in return?”_

_“Whatever you want,” Neil murmured into his skin, continuing his path of kisses and slowly getting more open mouthed as he went. He just couldn’t help it. He wanted to taste Andrew and took the opportunity until Andrew huffed and finally shoved Neil’s head away with a playful hand._

_“Fine.” He sighed dramatically, then grabbed Neil by the hand and led him to the dance floor, weaving around bodies and pushing drunk people out of the way. Eventually he found a spot he deemed good enough and pulled Neil to him by the hips. Neil, of course, came willingly - tipping his head back and laughing and feeling_ **_so fucking alive_ ** _he thought he might burst from it. They moved to the beat, bodies in sync and Neil was so bad at it. He was so, so bad, but Andrew was so fucking good. Somehow, their bodies responded to each other like dancing to ‘black on black’ was completely natural._

_Mouths and hands and hips and lights. Purples and pinks flashed over the both of them, blues and greens bathed Andrew’s pale skin. Neil felt high even though he’d never touched a drug a day in his life._

_They stumbled towards a back room, stopping every two feet to kiss, to run a hand up a shirt or lick a line down a sweaty neck. It should be gross, Neil thought, but it was anything but. Eventually, Andrew pulled him into a room that apparently needed a code (which Neil didn’t want to think about how he knew), and pushed him up against a wall._

_“You’ve been drinking,” Neil breathed. He didn’t want Andrew to stop - didn’t want him to move his hand from where it rubbed over his jeans, but he needed to make sure._

_“I’m clear,” Andrew breathed against Neil’s neck. “I’m not so drunk, Neil. Yes.”_

_Neil breathed a sigh of relief, before moving quickly so that they switched positions and it was Andrew against the wall. Then, he fell to his knees and looked up at his_ **_partner_ ** _\- to this man who made him feel so fucking alive, and happy, and he smiled so wide that the burn on his cheek twinged. He put his hands on Andrew’s belt._

_“Happy birthday, Andrew.”_

_________________

In the wake of that memory, Neil dropped to his desk chair and stared at the gift.

_I can’t do this..._

He couldn’t _not_ be with Andrew and have Andrew doing things like giving him fucking gifts and saying he was glad he was born. 

Seth had once said that it was impossible to be friends with an ex. He’d thought that was a little generalized at the time because _Why not?_ Andrew and Dion weren’t really friends, but they got along fine... It wasn’t awkward. 

But he just... couldn’t be friends with Andrew. He was so grateful to him - for bringing him here, for giving him this life and this family... But he would never be able to be around him without remembering. 

And remembering the good hurt worse than remembering the bad. 

Neil picked up the gift and left his office. He walked into Andrew’s and saw that he’d been there recently, Neil could tell. His tablet was gone and one of the drawers of his desk was open an inch. Neil set the gift on top of his desk and stared at it for a moment before walking back out. 

Robin tried to catch his eye, but he ignored her. He felt bad about it, of course, but he just couldn’t right now...

Instead, he left the festivities and walked back to Kevin’s. He needed time to breathe, time to think. Unfortunately, he kept coming back to one conclusion. 

He had to leave Palmetto when this investigation was over. 

* * *

* * *

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Yeah. So we tried to make the most of our time in New York. The first thing we did was visit the locations where some of the girls were found in Newark._

_We started with taking the train to Newark’s Penn Station, and the ride over was... Quiet. Somber._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_It was a lot like when I went to the beach in California when I was looking for Neil. It was the place where I knew he may have died, and I knew I wasn’t going to find any evidence. The difference between that beach and the park we ended up, was that the park was a place where we knew wouldn’t_ **_really_ ** _help us further our case. Nonetheless, both places were somewhere I felt like I,_ **_we_ ** _, needed to go. Maybe it’s the journalist in me, but I sometimes feel like I need to be able to physically see it all for myself - to be able to describe it and feel the atmosphere._

_To connect._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

[ laughs ]

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Yes?_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_That’s just so... you. It’s nice to hear._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

[ clears throat ]

_So, we visited the place where Alyssa was discovered, which turned out to be what’s now Riverfront Park. The spot we estimated to be the place where her body was found, had been cleared and now existed as a large, open meadow._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_It’s probably nice in the spring. Green and vibrant. But at this time of year, it was bleak. Bare trees and grass hidden under sleet and mud... It felt appropriate at the time._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_We paid our respects. And did the same for Imani at Brook Branch Park, and Nia at Valisburg Park. Like I said, it did nothing to further our investigation - nothing in the way of evidence, at least. But, I think what it did do, was give us a stark reminder of what exactly we’re up against._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Destruction of the smallest things._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Destruction of the smallest things... An unimaginable evil, that had snuffed the lives out of innocent children - just because he could._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_We also visited the Adirondacks in upstate New York - the spot where Makenna was found. Although we also wanted to pay our respects there, we were fortunate to make contact with Bryan White. He was the first on the scene when Makenna was found, and was willing to take us to that place and talk about his experience._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Makenna was found on a campground with cabins spread throughout the property. After arriving and meeting Bryan, he invited us to talk in his SUV while he drove us to the site. You’ve already heard our conversation with him in our last Audio Notes, Audio Notes #3, but here it is again for context._

* * *

* * *

Andrew chewed his lip ring and stared at the blank text box of the website. 

He knew they were all at the studio - knew they were having a party for Neil... Dan had sent him a text inviting him, but he knew his presence would only make it awkward. He didn’t want that. He wanted Neil to have a good time without Andrew sucking the life out of the room. 

Renee texted him a picture, though. Lloyd had an arm wrapped around Neil’s neck and Neil was laughing. 

_He looks happy..._

He briefly wondered why Renee would even send it to him, knowing how fucked up he’d been. But, Renee knew him. They’d been texting back and forth a little. She was just checking on him, knowing he wasn’t ready for a conversation yet. But knowing her, this picture probably said more than direct assumptions. 

Anyway, it made him feel a little better. He was content knowing that Neil wasn’t as miserable as he was. He would never wish this kind of pain on him and he wanted Neil to have a happy birthday. Renee knew that. 

He tapped the keys on his keyboard idly, wondering if Neil had seen the gift he left yet...

He titled the top box _Happy Birthday, Neil_ before placing his cursor in the body and watching it blink. He took a deep breath and wrote:

_Happy Birthday to my co-host, who I couldn’t do this without. To the man who keeps me moving, keeps me hoping - keeps me reaching just a little further, even when all hope seems lost._

_Happy Birthday to the man who tries to keep me grounded and present - who takes all of my fuckery, all of my flaws and baggage and makes it his own, just so the burden could be a bit lighter._

_My life has been infinitely better with you in it, and I will never regret that._

_I’m glad you were born, too. -A_

Andrew read it over and over, knowing there was no way he could post it. It was too personal and while he meant every word, he didn’t think Neil would appreciate it. So far, he’d kept his distance, even though he was dying to just hear Neil’s voice. 

But, it wouldn’t be fair to him to keep dragging this out. This distance was probably the best for both of them.

~~_Keep telling yourself that._ ~~

He sighed and deleted everything but the last line. He posted it before he could change his mind.

* * *

Neil found out the next week that Andrew had been staying at Bee’s. Renee let it slip when he finally broke down and asked how he was doing. 

Neil still cared, even if he told himself he wished he didn’t.

“Good,” Neil had said. “Maybe she can get him to eat something.”

Renee didn’t smile. She wasn’t taking sides, but she was most definitely taking sides. 

Neil didn’t mind. He was glad Andrew had someone in his corner. He needed it... The team seemed to think it would make Neil feel better for him to hear little jibes and jabs about Andrew not deserving him or some other bullshit, but it didn’t. It only made things worse. Andrew deserved all things good in his life and the fact that he couldn’t see it was part of the problem. 

~~The fact that the team also couldn’t see it hurt Neil in ways he couldn’t describe.~~

Wednesday, Renee told him that Andrew was due back in the office. Neil was nothing but anxiety fueled as he waited for him to show up. He still hadn’t finished recording. He kept fucking up and now with Andrew about to show up any minute, his voice kept _fucking_ shaking. 

He felt like an idiot.

By noon, Neil was more annoyed that he wasn’t there yet. Was he just supposed to sit around and suffer, waiting for Andrew to walk through the door and get this over with?

“He had an appointment,” Renee said. “But he should be in this afternoon.”

“I didn’t ask,” Neil mumbled, because he _hadn’t_ and he’d been trying really fucking hard not to. 

She just shrugged. “I thought you might want to know.”

Neil just kept eating his sandwich. They were in the kitchen, sitting at the small table with Seth staring holes into the side of his head. 

“You’re not gonna tell him are you...?” Seth turned his head to Renee. “You’re going to make me do it,” he sighed a weary sigh. 

“Tell me what?”

“He’s going to therapy,” Seth said with a subdued smile. 

Renee tsked at him. “That’s personal, Seth. If he wanted Neil to know, he’d tell him himself. How do you know, anyway?”

“We go to the same guy. I saw him there last week. He was leaving while I was coming, but he didn’t see me and I didn’t think he’d be in the mood to talk.”

Neil wasn’t sure how to process that information. Instead he just let the bone crushing relief sweep through him. It was so swift, so unbelievably reassuring that he wanted to fucking puke. 

It had to be Bee’s doing, but Neil didn’t care. He was just so fucking grateful that Andrew was finally taking the advice he’d given so many others and getting help himself. Neil tried not to let it show, but he was sure they could both tell anyway.

“You go to therapy?” Neil asked Seth. A weak attempt to get them talking about anything but Andrew. 

“Fuck yeah, I go to therapy. You kiddin’ me? Swear to god, it’s the only reason I’m alive today. You should try it,” Seth tried to smile again. “You probably got all sorts of shit you need to work out from that crazy daddy and overprotective mama, up there.” He tapped his temple.

Neil snorted, because he couldn’t even try to deny it. 

_Still._

He shook his head. 

“I don’t trust shrinks. What are they doing with all that personal information anyway? So like, you just go and sit in front of a person and tell them your deepest, darkest secrets, and they tell you how to fix it?”

“Nah, man. They help you figure out how to fix it _yourself._ The good ones anyway. Don’t act like you think they’re stupid. You’re glad Andrew’s going, it’s written all over your face.”

“Of course he is. I need all the help I can get.”

Neil’s head whipped around to see _him_ standing in the doorway with arms crossed over his chest. Neil’s face flushed and he didn’t even know _why_. Maybe because they’d been over heard - maybe because this was the longest he’d gone without seeing Andrew since they’d been together...

Maybe because Andrew was still fucking gorgeous and that tight black thermal shirt he wore only served to remind him of it. 

He dropped his eyes to his sandwich, suddenly not very hungry anymore. 

“Welcome back, Andrew,” Renee said, standing to squeeze his arm. “We’ve missed you.”

“No reason to lie, Walker.”

Neil stood and tossed his food, realizing too late that Andrew still blocked the doorway and Neil’s path. Pressing his lips together, Neil stared at his shoes, unwilling to either walk by Andrew and risk touching him, or telling him to get the fuck out of his way. 

“We’re almost done recording,” he finally said. “If you want to record some-”

“No,” Andrew said, stepping aside so that Renee and Seth could both make a hasty retreat. “You should finish it on your own. You’ve been doing all the work this week.”

Neil nodded, because what else was he supposed to do? Show him his bleeding heart and tell him that nothing has been the same - that he’d been doing a shit job and all he wanted was to sit beside him and do it together like they were supposed to and ~~_No._ ~~

“How-,” he cleared his throat, unsure of what exactly he wanted to say instead. “How have you been?”

Andrew laughed bitterly under his breath. Neil forced his eyes up, and wanted to take a step back against Andrew’s gaze lingering on his face.

“I’ve been better.”

 _Me too_ , Neil wanted to say. But he didn’t. 

“I’ve been staying at Bee’s,” Andrew said into the strained silence. The tension was thick with everything Neil wanted to say, but couldn’t bring himself to. 

“I know. Renee told me. I hope she’s making you eat,” He said with a small smile. It felt forced. It made his face hurt. His chest hurt worse. 

Andrew looked away, like he was unable to bear his concern. “She’s trying...” he mumbled. “I just wanted to let you know, so if you want to go back to the apartment, you can.” Andrew sighed. “I’m not going to be there, so you don’t have to worry about it. I’m not going to randomly drop in on you.”

“Okay.” Neil said because he didn’t know what else to say. 

Andrew just nodded and shoved a hand into his pocket, then pulled out the keys Neil had left, and set them on the counter. ~~_Not even directly to me._ ~~

“I’m going to go see what you’ve recorded so far.”

Neil just nodded. 

Andrew turned to leave, but Neil had to stop him, even though he was completely unsure of what he was going to say. 

“Wait, I -” _Deep breaths._ “I am.”

“You are what?” Andrew was turned halfway toward him, dull _honey_ eyes looking at him from the side. 

“Glad you’re getting help.”

Andrew turned back around and left for the booth. 

“Me too.”

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Tell us in your own words what happened that day._

**_Bryan White:_ **

_I was doing my rounds across the grounds, checking on the empty cabins and making sure there wasn’t trash or animals that needed to be immediately addressed. I’d just started this job, you know? Nineteen years old and just glad to be getting a paycheck so I could take my girlfriend out without using coupons._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Yeah sure of course. But we’re really more interested in what happened when Makenna’s body was found._

**_Bryan White:_ **

_Ah, right, right. Well, I got a call on my walkie saying there was an issue with one of the cabins. They left it vague of course, didn’t want to have every person on the clock talking where guests could hear. I was closest, so I headed over. There was a guy and a girl sitting on the steps of their cabin. The girl was crying and the guy looked like he’d seen a ghost._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_What did you think?_

**_Bryan White:_ **

_I thought maybe they’d found a dead person. Happens sometimes where someone gets attacked by an animal or gets lost in the woods._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_So you were right._

**_Bryan White:_ **

_I wish I hadn’t been. This is it._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Is that the cabin the couple stayed in?_

**_Bryan White:_ **

_Yep. I don’t know why anyone who was trying to hide a body would hide it where it would be so easily found. It was here. I almost didn’t see her. She was so small. It was January, so she was half covered by snow. Her hair was so dark... It was the first thing I saw._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_What was the police presence like?_

**_Bryan White:_ **

_They swarmed the place. They talked to me and the couple and then I never saw them again. The press hounded me more than they hounded them, though._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Is there anything else? Anything strange about the body or anything you may have noted as out of place at the time?_

**_Bryan White:_ **

_I don’t know that I would’ve noticed if there was. I looked long enough to realize what I was seeing and then I didn’t look again... Couldn’t._

* * *

* * *

Seeing Neil had been equal parts relieving and horrible. They’d never been apart this long... Not since Neil had decided to give Andrew a chance in New York. They’d been together every fucking day and Andrew felt like he’d lost a limb. 

But, being so close to _him_ now, and not being able to touch him was absolute torture... Not being able to joke with him or sit and just _talk_ \- 

Still.

He’d rather have Neil in his line of vision than not have him at all. 

He and Seth now sat in the booth, watching Neil get ready to record. It was strange not being in there with him, but Neil had done this by himself while Andrew was having his meltdown. He’d be a fucking asshole to go in there and demand to record with him... So instead, he watched through the window as Sir and King cuddled together in his empty chair across from Neil. 

They’d missed each other. 

“He’s done a good job,” Seth said as Neil adjusted the mic and looked over his notes. 

“I’m sure he has.”

Seth was dying to say something else, Andrew could tell. But, he just let him stew, counting in his head until Seth couldn’t take it anymore. 

_Nine seconds._

“It’s not the same without you though, man. He plays off you... He’s all nervous energy when you’re not in there with him.”

Andrew tried to hide how happy that made him feel. _I really am an asshole._ He didn’t respond.

Neil finally gestured for him to begin recording and Andrew could immediately tell what Seth was talking about. When he started speaking, something just wasn’t right. 

Neil cleared his throat and started again, a blush rising high on his cheeks and his voice just a tiny bit shaky. It took him _fourteen seconds_ before he flung his papers to the side. 

“I can’t fucking do this.”

Andrew pressed his lips together and without thinking, stood and went straight into the studio. Seth tried calling him back, but Andrew ignored him in favor of measuring Neil’s glare as he walked through the door. 

“What’s the problem?” he asked because Andrew wanted to be helpful - he wanted to figure out what the issue was and try to fix it. 

Neil didn’t take it that way. 

“What’s the problem? The problem is you sitting behind that window,” he gestured with a scarred hand, “watching me fuck this up. I can't record with you sitting there staring at me.”

Andrew furrowed his brow and pulled back his chin. “What the fuck are you talking about? I’m just doing my job, Neil. I’m still a part of this podcast.”

“Are you, _Andrew_? Because I’ve been doing it by myself for over a week with no fucking word from you -”

Confusion gave way to anger. He was only doing what everyone had been _fucking_ telling him to do and 

“You blocked my number, if you’ve forgotten. How would you have even heard from me?”

“You could’ve found a way,” Neil said and Andrew knew it was on impulse - he _knew_ . It was in the force behind his words, in the way the flush still hid behind those _stupid fucking freckles_ and the defiance shining in those god damned _icy_ eyes and

“Nothing’s good enough for you, is it?” Andrew spat. 

_God, he was so fucking beautiful. Sitting there pouting and blushing and needing a fucking haircut like always._

_Fuck him._

“What -”

“Dan tells me to take a fucking break. Bee tells me to take a fucking break. _You_ , tell me to take a fucking break, so what do I do? I take a fucking break. I’m trying to do better, I’m trying to _get_ better - lying in my fuckin’ high school bedroom and staring at a goddamn MCR poster, and trying to choke down food. I’m _going_ to a fucking therapist, and I’m having to rehash all this bullshit because _that’s what I’m supposed to do._ That’s what you _wanted_ me to do. But now that I’ve done it, I’ve abandoned you to do all the work? Fuck you, Neil.”

He couldn’t stop himself. The words were out from behind his teeth and now they hung in the air. 

Neil looked like someone had just punched him in the gut. 

~~_Good._ ~~

“Andrew -”

“Just forget it. I’m the asshole, remember?”

He stormed out of the studio and straight to his office. He slammed the door behind him like a petulant child, but this was all _wrong_.

This wasn’t how Andrew wanted this to go...

He knew this would be awkward and painful, but he’d been so determined to hide just how torn up he was.

_Better luck next time._

Then, when he went to his desk and saw the gift he’d gotten Neil just sitting there unopened... That was it. It was _almost_ too much. Andrew picked it up and threw it across the very small space. 

He grabbed his jacket, feeling like he was suffocating, and pulled it on. He made sure he had his cigarettes in his pocket before he wrenched the door open and pounded his way to the roof. 

He just couldn’t _breathe._

Which was why he immediately lit up once he was out there, ~~as if filling his lungs with carcinogens would fucking help.~~

_It did._

He smoked through the first cigarette quickly and lit a second, savoring it a bit more. As he took a long drag, he lowered himself to the floor of the roof and laid flat, cigarette between his lips. He turned on a random playlist, just to have something other than his own destructive thoughts racing through his head as he lingered atop a fucking roof. 

Time by NF came on, and Andrew laughed at how sick and twisted ~~fate~~ _shuffle_ could be. 

It was the perfect song. He could’ve written this himself, he thought. 

He closed his eyes. 

_Even if we both break down tonight_

_And you say you hate me_

_And we go to bed angry_

_I know everything will be alright_

_I'll be here waiting_

_I promise I'm changing_

_I just need time_

Andrew found the music video and posted it to twitter, because he was a teenage emo boy at heart, and he hoped Neil would see it and get the message. 

Because there was no way he could just _say_ those things...

Could he?

As soon as he hit ‘tweet’, the door to the roof opened. Andrew kept his eyes focused on his phone as if he were unconcerned. But his heart would’ve given him away if Neil could hear it. 

“I’m sorry.”

Andrew squinted against the brightness of the day and put a hand over his eyes to shade them. Neil came to stand above him and he was framed by the sun, a halo of light surrounding him and looking like fucking Icarus before the fall. 

“Feels weird for you to be the one saying it this time,” Andrew said. 

Neil didn’t even roll his eyes. He just lowered himself to sit next to him, and Andrew put his phone away before heaving himself upright. They were closer than he’d initially thought, and it took all his strength not to lean his shoulder against Neil’s. 

“Yeah, well. I was an asshole...” he flicked the butt of Andrew’s first cigarette away. “I was embarrassed and nervous and I lashed out. It wasn’t fair and I’m sorry.”

Andrew shook his head. “I don’t understand,” he inhaled all that his last cigarette had left, then stubbed it out for Neil to flick away again. “Why would you be nervous with me there? We’ve been recording together enough by now that I’d think you’d be used to it.”

Neil rubbed some ash away from his finger with his thumb as he looked out over campus. “I’m just used to you being beside me. I’m used to being able to play off your energy, I guess.” He shrugged. “You made it easier. Helped me relax. It’s different when you’re just watching me.”

Andrew didn’t really know what to say to that. He was pretty sure he’d never been that kind of comfort for anyone, and it was strange to hear it from Neil. He didn’t know _why_ because they were so fucking good together... Andrew knew that. But now that he was letting himself recognize it, he felt like this mistake was the _one_. This was the one that was going to cost him the biggest thing he’d ever had in his life - this was the one he wouldn’t be able to come back from. 

“I’ll be around for the other episodes. If... if you don’t want to do this anymore-”

“No,” Neil said firmly. “I’m going to finish. I’m not going to bail because of this. I won’t pretend it’ll be easy. Just sitting here next to you…”

Andrew swallowed. “I know.”

“I’m also sorry I blocked your number... That was petty and selfish. If you had needed me...” Neil shook his head and Andrew didn’t respond. It _was_ petty and selfish, but Andrew didn’t blame him. 

Not after the things he’d said. 

They were quiet for a few minutes. Andrew itched to pull out another cigarette, but he didn’t - not with Neil sitting there and broken promises hanging between them. 

Then,

“I’m going to leave... After this is done and over with. I’m going to leave Palmetto and we won’t have to deal with... this.”

_No -_

Andrew turned to look at Neil beside him as pain lanced through his body. His eyes were lingering over the campus, coming to rest on the exy stadium where he’d managed to convince Kevin to play with him. 

Where he’d managed to convince Andrew to play, too.

And then, Andrew suddenly felt utterly hopeless. Therapy always left him feeling too exposed and vulnerable, and today was no different. But finally they’d dug deep about Neil... About why he was the one Andrew found himself able to move forward with. About what that meant and what Andrew was willing to do for him...

 _‘Still running? Still hiding?’_ That’s what Andrew _wanted_ to say. He wanted to accuse him and lash out, because the thought of Neil being lost to him again was too much.

What came out instead was more desperate than he intended. 

“Is there no hope, then?” Andrew asked, unable to help himself. 

Neil sighed and Andrew was grateful that he at least didn’t pretend that he didn’t know what Andrew meant. 

“I don’t know, ‘Dr- Andrew.” Was it possible for his chest to hurt even more? He wanted to curl in on himself, but settled instead for clenching the sharp corners of the pack of cigarettes in his pocket into the palm of his hand. He watched as Neil bit the inside of his lip and that little indent appeared. ~~_Maybe he feels it, too_ .~~ “Part of me wants to say fuck it all and let’s just go home. I hate this... But I hate what you’ve been putting me through these last couple of weeks even more. I can’t do that again,” he stopped talking once more and inhaled a shuddering breath. “You broke my heart, Andrew. I know I sound dramatic and stupid, but I don’t know how else to say it and - I don’t know how to _do_ this, for fucks sake.” He finally turned to him, but the eye contact was brief and before it was even there, it was gone. “I came into this knowing nothing about relationships and I know even less about breakups. I don’t know how to navigate this.”

“You think I do?” Andrew asked. He didn’t mean for it to sound so bitter, but there it was. 

“I don’t know with you,” Neil shrugged. “I feel like you keep everything so close to your chest, that there are whole sections of you I’m missing. And listen, I don’t blame you. You should be able to choose what you want to share. But I can’t help that it makes things hard when you’re falling apart and I don’t know why...”

Andrew let go of the box and put both of his hands in his lap. Grinding his teeth together, he heard the beginning hum of Bee’s _buzz_ , but took a deep breath to try and keep her at bay. Clearing his throat, he looked back to the stadium and that stupid orange fox paw, before he murmured, “What if I offer you a piece?” - suddenly and quickly said, it was as if his mouth was trying to outrun his mind, despite the second he took to contain it. He’d known this would eventually come - that he would have to do this. And besides, Neil deserved an explanation, even if they never got back together. 

“Andrew-”

“I’m not offering with hopes that we’ll get back together right now, Neil. I’m working through shit the best I can. Therapy is helping, but I know it’s a process. I just know you deserve an explanation. And I haven’t wanted to tell you because it’s fucking horrific, but I was also afraid that it would send me even further down the spiral if I talked about it. Now that I have a space to vent through, I don’t think I’m so afraid of the fall.” 

He turned his head again to Neil and watched as he chewed his lip. He wanted to tell him to cut it out before he hurt himself, but he didn’t. Not this time. 

“If you feel comfortable... okay.”

Andrew pressed his lips together, impulsively took the pack from his pocket, but just tapped the top of it with his pointer finger in his lap. He didn’t take a cigarette out, but he needed something for his hands to do while -

“You know how I don’t like the word please?”

Neil nodded. He’d never questioned Andrew on it. Andrew had said, _‘I don’t like that word’_ and Neil had dropped it from his vocabulary like he’d never fucking learned it in the first place. Andrew had thought that it was a tiny miracle - the fact that someone was so willing to unquestioningly do something so obscure, just to make sure Andrew was comfortable. 

His chest hurt again. 

“There was a man when I was seven. He was my foster father,” Andrew began, watching the pad of his finger press against that sharp corner of the pack again. “His name was Steven.”

Neil didn’t speak. Andrew could feel how still he’d gone, and when he risked looking at Neil’s face, he was still chewing on his lip like it would somehow solve the problem of _Andrew_ . Which was why he did reach over this time, unable ~~unwilling~~ to stop himself. He used his thumb to pull Neil’s lower lip from between his teeth. 

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” he said quietly.

Still, Neil said nothing. 

Andrew looked back down at the pack, then out over campus. A breeze brushed by and the sun was high, shining in the cerulean sky. “He told me if I said please he would stop...”

“But he didn’t,” Neil murmured. It wasn’t a question. Andrew closed his eyes and tipped his head back, letting the cool winter breeze blow across his overheated skin. 

“No,” he said, to the wind and the sun and the sky. - “He didn’t.”

* * *

Neil was left reeling. 

He’d known about Drake. He’d even suspected that Drake wasn’t the only one, based on some offhand comments Andrew had made. But now, knowing that Andrew had his own Steven who still haunted him, and that the nightmares had been only getting worse and worse since the start of the case...

“This is why - this is what you meant in New York.” Neil murmured. Andrew nodded.

‘ _So he can never fucking hurt me again_.’

“It was a slip. I didn’t mean to say it, but it’s not like I can deny it.” He shrugged and something about him was so close, yet so far away. “Some part of me wants to catch Robin’s Steven to catch my own. Like maybe it’ll help. It won’t.”

Everything all made so much sense now. Neil was torn between wanting to pull Andrew close, to hug him and run his fingers through his hair - and wanting to fucking shake him. If he’d just _known_ ... Maybe he could’ve helped more. Maybe he wouldn’t have been so impatient. Maybe so many things could be different right now and Neil - he just wanted to _help_ Andrew, and _heal_ Andrew, and _be_ with Andrew. But his ingrained sense of self preservation only told him to run. It told him to take this lesson, guard his heart, and never let anything like this happen again. 

Neil felt selfish. He felt greedy for building this wall around himself. It made him feel sick. He closed his eyes instead against the knowledge of what Andrew had been going through all this time. 

“How..?” Neil asked, finding his voice and a desperate need to understand. “How can you even stand for me to touch you?” He lifted his head and tried to read the man beside him. But all he saw was a pale, tired, inside out _Andrew_. He did look lighter though... like his shoulders weren’t so tight.

Like he was relieved to at least have it off his chest. 

~~_Or maybe I’m imagining it._ ~~

“Because I trust you,” Andrew sighed. “You stop when I tell you to stop and you never question me. You respect my boundaries even without me having to explicitly say what they are.” He glanced at Neil from the corner of his eyes, then almost as if deciding something in his head, Andrew released a breath and looked at him full on. “I know you won’t hurt me. And I know you’ll tell me if I’m doing something you don’t like.”

“Surely you’ve had other people you’ve fooled around with who you’ve trusted not to hurt you?” He didn’t know the specifics of Andrew’s complicated sexual history, and he didn’t want to. But he did know that Andrew was no stranger to convenient hook ups. 

Andrew’s eyes were honey again. They weren’t as bright as they’d once been, but he could still see that glimmer and glow of gold he had ~~loved~~ missed so much. The light was there and then gone though, because all Neil could find staring back at him was hurt and -

“Is that what you think we were doing? Fooling around?”

_No..._

Neil looked down at his hands - ashamed, angry, confused. He closed his eyes and all he could see was _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew_ like one of the flip books his mother would use to keep him quiet when they were hiding. 

The view of Andrew’s face from Neil’s knees, amazed and adoring. Hands reaching for each other in the middle of the night. The way Andrew tried to hold himself back, and the triumph, ~~love,~~ trust, and warmth Neil felt the first time Andrew let slip an unselfconscious moan when Neil learned how he liked to be slowly licked from root to tip. 

“It wasn’t for me,” Neil finally whispered. But his voice was almost taken away by the winter wind, so he cleared his throat and took a deep breath. He tried again. “It wasn’t, not for me. But isn’t that the nature of being demi...? I thought -” He glanced towards Andrew. The hurt was still there, but Neil could tell, _he could tell_ how hard Andrew was trying to stifle it. “I thought it wasn’t for you either. I don’t know, Andrew. I think I’m at the point where I’m just questioning everything that happened between us. I don’t know if I made more of it than what it was. I don’t know if maybe you didn’t feel it like I felt it.”

Andrew tapped the pack of cigarettes in his hand against the roofs pavement, then shoved them in his pocket before he turned fully towards Neil. _He’s hesitating_. Neil could tell. He didn’t know why though... He didn’t know what he could possibly be holding back. 

Neil dipped his chin to try and catch Andrew’s eyes. “Whatever it is, just say it. I can’t stand having to guess at this. It’s too much.”

Andrew reached out a pale hand, fingernails chewed to the quick and black polish chipped until there was practically none left. He took Neil’s hand and held it in both of his. Neil couldn’t find it in himself to want to pull away. In fact, he felt a small thrill in his stomach to even be touching Andrew again... to be able to admire just one more time, the contrast of his brown skin against Andrew’s own paleness. 

He finally looked up to meet Neil’s eyes. “It wasn’t just fooling around for me. It was _never_ just fooling around and -” Andrew shook his head. “If you had told me you never wanted to have sex with me, I still would’ve wanted this, Neil. _You. Us._ Because this is...” Andrew squeezed his hand and Neil could tell. Whatever he wanted to say next was hard and he could see it in his eyes that Andrew was fighting with whether or not to say whatever _it_ was. But, “I realized the real mistake the moment that door slammed behind you.”

_‘I realized the real mistake the moment that door slammed behind you’..._

Neil shook his head and he looked down at their hands. The words were what he needed to hear, of course they were... But he still couldn’t do _this_ all over again... 

“I don’t know where we go from here.”

Andrew let go of his hand and turned back towards the skyline. Eventually he replied, “Nowhere. It would be unfair of me to ask you to take me back. I’m sorry for how this all happened, I’m sorry you’re hurt... But I’m hurt too, and even though it’s my own fault, I have to figure it out before I can do anything else.”

_‘Even though it’s my own fault’._

“Andrew...” he tried to dip his head again and catch his eyes, but Andrew was looking at some far off point across campus. “Maybe how you handled all of this is your fault. Not trusting me, or not trusting yourself...? I don’t know. But _that_ isn’t your fault. Shit things happen, remember? Sometimes all we can do is just hang the fuck on and do the best we can.”

_'Shit things happen, Alex. Sometimes all we can do is hang the fuck on and do the best we can,' he shrugged a shoulder and mumbled, 'Or something...'_

Neil looked at Andrew and saw that kid again, just for a moment. Why was life so unfair? Why was it still putting him through all this bullshit? Grown up Andrew just shrugged a shoulder and his pinky cracked. It sounded so loud in the near-quiet. 

Neil sighed and decided not to push it. “Okay, well. I’m glad you’re getting help, I really am... I just don’t know if after all of this is said and done and you’re in a better headspace, if I can go through it all again. The good was so fucking good, Andrew. But the bad might kill me if I have to live through it again.”

Andrew sighed, too. “I’m not going to ask anything from you.”

Neil believed him. 

And that’s why he stood, because all of _this_ was too much and even though they were outside, on the roof with the sky and cool air, he couldn’t breathe. He was so aware of Andrew’s presence, it was like a heavy blanket on his chest. 

“I know.”

Andrew didn’t return to the booth when Neil started recording again.

* * *

* * *

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Bryan’s comment about hiding a body where it could easily be found, is a valid one. Why would someone do that? Makenna was one of Steven’s early victims and we know later that he started displaying the girls - wanting them to be found in a certain way. Did he want Makenna to be found?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_I think so. I think he honestly wanted that for all of them. Either out of some fucked up need for them to be taken care of, or a desire to see his handiwork on the news._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Maybe both? There've been plenty of serial killers who have a need to be known by the public, to see their crimes gain notoriety as some sort of reward for their hard work. We’ve seen it with Ted Bundy, David Berkowitz, Dennis Rader..._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And we believe we see it with Steven. We’ll give more evidence for that later on in the episode._

* * *

* * *

After that, they’d reached a kind of silent agreement. Things were still tense and it was almost physically painful to be close to Neil, but they were pushing to get this done. They were both dedicated to seeing this through - to finding Steven. Unfortunately, Andrew had to reassure Robin of as much when he finally sat down with her to go through the pictures of the houses. 

“So, I broke you guys up, huh?” She had a small smile on her face, but Andrew could tell she was worried. 

“No, Robin,” Andrew said. “ _I_ broke us up because I’m a fucking idiot. What about this house? It seems like it fits the description.”

Robin looked closely at the pictures, her brow drawn. “Similar, I think. It’s not as big though...? I don’t know Andrew, I’m just worried that even if I did see it, I wouldn’t know it. I was so little -” Robin looked at him and barreled on. “I knew this case was putting too much stress on you. I’m almost sorry I brought it to your attention.” 

Distraction wasn’t an option, then. 

“Don’t be. I’m glad you did. I won’t lie to you,” Andrew started, putting down his tablet and turning fully to face her. “There are things that happened to me as a kid, that make listening to some of these details triggering. I haven’t been handling it well, but I’m trying to get my head straight so we can finish this. I’m not going to abandon this case, you, the others, _or_ Hailey.” He felt like he needed to reassure her that he wasn’t going anywhere. So many people in her life had brushed her story aside, and Andrew would be damned before he counted himself among them. 

She looked at him sadly, hazel eyes more green than his own, boring into him. “I knew about you being in foster care and I wondered...” Robin shook her head. “Sometimes, I look at you when I know this case is eating you up, and it feels like looking in a mirror. We share that and I know what it feels like. I’m determined to get justice for these girls.” He wanted to correct her and tell her that it was justice for _her_ too, but he didn’t. “But not at the price of your well-being, or your relationship.”

~~_That’s not right, Robin._ ~~

Andrew shook his head. “It’s not the case’s fault. It’s mine.”

“Does that mean you want to get back together with him?”

Andrew tried not to sigh and instead rubbed his temple. If she were anyone else, he’d probably tell her to mind her own goddamn business and fuck off. But she was Robin and he would never. 

“I know you’re worried, but I really don’t want to talk about it. It happened and it fucking sucks, and I’m just trying to get through one day at a time right now. Honestly, concentrating on work helps.” He conceded. “There’s a few more pictures to go through.”

“Are you both going to keep working the case? Is he leaving? Just tell me that and I’ll stop bugging you.”

“He’s not leaving.” _Right now_. “We aren’t going to let this fuck up the investigation, okay?”

“Okay.” And with that, Robin pulled Andrew’s tablet closer to her. “This one is the most similar, I think? It’s a different color, though.”

In the end, there were a couple of houses that she thought were close to what she remembered. After that, he went in search of Neil and found him in his office, bent over the laptop Wymack bought him when he first joined the team, but rarely used. 

Andrew knocked on the doorframe and Neil’s head lifted from watching his fingers on the keyboard to Andrew’s face. He quickly shut the computer. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Andrew said, eyeing the computer and suddenly desperate to see whatever it was on that screen. He tore his eyes away. _Not my business._ “I just met with Robin. Can I come in?” Neil nodded, so Andrew sat in the big chair he’d sat in so many times while distracting Neil from work and complaining about dumb shit. 

_I miss it._

He got straight to it. “She found two houses that she thought were similar, but she’s worried she’s completely wrong since it’s been so long.” Andrew brought up the pictures and passed the tablet to Neil. Neil thumbed through them and nodded. 

“Better than nothing... So, what now? Do we contact Matt’s guy and maybe tell him we want to see more like this?”

“Maybe. I don’t know if it’ll help, she’s so unsure. Also, I fucking hated that guy.”

Neil laughed a little and the sound was just so... “He smiles a lot so yeah, I could see that.”

 _Fuck_ , it was so good to hear. 

“Exactly. I don’t trust people who are that happy all the time.”

“Matt’s that happy all the time.”

“Is this the day where you prove all my points for me? Because I’m okay with it.”

Neil shook his head with _that_ small smile on his lips. This felt so normal and easy and so _mother fucking painful._

Andrew tried not to wince. 

“I wanted to talk to you about the gas station he was spotted at, by the way.”

Andrew raised his brows. “Give me a second. Let me go get my notebook.” He stood and made his way to his office. Hauling his bag onto the desk, he dug for his notebook and the moment he pulled it out, he let himself take a second to feel the comforting weight of it. Tapping his finger on the binding, he used his other hand to dig around for his purple pen, and when he couldn’t find it, he began flinging shit out of his bag in frustration. 

He wanted _that_ pen, damnit...

Searching through the small pocket on the inside of his backpack he knew he rarely used, but was desperate enough to dig through anyway, his hand closed over a folded piece of paper. When he pulled it out, he knew what it was immediately. 

It was the note Neil had left him that night after the pride parade... When he’d woken up before Andrew and left before Lloyd could worry. Andrew opened it slowly. 

_Went home before Matt sent the police to find me. Didn’t want to wake you. Thanks for last night. You were right. It’s nice to be with someone who understands. - Neil_

He ran a thumb over it, hating himself all over again for taking everything - all this history, their entire _fucking_ story, and throwing it away...

“Andrew?”

He quickly folded the note back up with shaky hands and put it carefully back in it’s pocket. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t find my pen.”

Neil leaned a shoulder against the doorframe. “You have a new pack of purple ones in the middle drawer.” He nodded towards it with his chin and Andrew pressed his lips together. Then, with a sigh, he dropped his bag in his desk chair and pulled out the pack. Taking a fresh purple one, he placed it back in the drawer. 

“Thanks, I knew it was there, I just...”

“Like a broken-in pen, I know.”

~~_‘I know’_ ~~

Andrew nodded and tried to ignore that ache again “Right... So, do you want to talk in here or…?”

“That’s fine.” Neil settled in _his_ chair - in the chair across from Andrew’s desk, right beside King _and_ Sir’s cat tree where they both cuddled together on the top level right now. ~~_Right where he belongs._ ~~

Andrew moved his bag to sit and flipped open his notebook. _Move on._

“Okay, the gas station.”

“There’s something bugging me about it... It just doesn’t fit. Why was he in Philly, anyway? And why was he buying shit from the kidnappers handbook?”

Andrew tapped the pen to his lips. It was unbitten. He put it experimentally between his teeth and bit down as he thought. “What are you thinking?”

“Well,” Neil said, shrugging a shoulder. “What if he has a safe house there? He looked comfortable and places like that -” he shook his head. “Nathan had them all over the east coast. What if he was going to take Haylie there and was just stopping by to make sure it was ready or something?”

Andrew hummed, considering this. Neil was right... it never made much sense to Andrew, either. Why _was_ he there, in his child kidnapper costume, a week before he took a girl from New York?

“So you think he’s holding her there? For good or for now?”

“For now, I think,” Neil said, and looked out the window. “He’d want her home with him eventually... But maybe since Robin he’s being extra careful. Maybe he’s just making sure she trusts him before bringing her back to the basement.”

Andrew nodded and wrote a few notes. “I don’t know how we can confirm this. If we could find the house it would be fucking amazing, but I don’t even know how to go about looking. I’m sure they’re not under his name, which we don’t have anyway.”

“Right,” Neil said. “But I think it’s safe to assume that if he has one safe house, he has more.”

“Most likely. We should add this to the podcast. You don’t have it written in.”

“I wanted to run it by you first.” Neil didn’t meet his eye, looking somewhere over his shoulder.

“You should trust your instincts,” Andrew told him, because it was true. He might’ve been doing this longer, but Neil brought a point of view here that he just couldn’t. 

Neil shrugged. “I trust _you_. That’ll have to do.”

-

Later that night when Andrew was back in his room at Bee’s, he realized what Neil had been doing on the computer. While numbly and idly scrolling through social media, he saw that there was a new post on twitter that he hadn’t made. 

It was a song. 

And Andrew fucking laughed when he saw it. 

Roxette, Listen to Your Heart. 

It was so fucking 80’s, so _fucking_ Neil. 

He pressed play and thought of _him_ , singing Time After Time at the top of his lungs in Colorado. 

He listened. 

_I know there's something in the wake of your smile_

_I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea_

_You've built a love but that love falls apart_

_Your little piece of heaven turns too dark_

“What the fuck, Neil,” he whispered under his breath. He knew the song, of course, but he quickly realized that he’d never really _heard_ the lyrics... They were full of longing and indecision and hurt. And it hurt _him_. 

He listened to it three times, feeling the words and their meaning and wanting so bad to call Neil.

But he didn’t.

Because that wouldn’t be fair and Andrew was trying to give him the room he needed - that they _both_ needed. 

Instead, he started looking for the perfect song to respond.

* * *

Kevin and Neil walked through the front door of Kevin’s apartment, sweaty and panting on Saturday morning. They’d gone for a run. Well, _Neil_ had gone for a run and Kevin made him wait so he could come too. Neil hadn’t particularly wanted company. He was used to being by himself and having the opportunity to run the thoughts out of his head, but Kevin was always quiet - not willing to ruin his pace by wasting breath talking. In the end, it wasn’t so bad. 

Now, they leaned against Kevin’s granite countertops, sipping water and catching their breaths. 

“How are things with Andrew?”

Neil shrugged. He and Kevin had developed a friendship over the time Neil had been in the office. It was based on a shared history of Moriyama involved trauma and arguing over exy. It was comfortable.

“It is what it is,” Neil responded, not really wanting to talk about it... but also wanting to talk about it. 

“So, you have no idea?”

“Not really, no. We’re being civil right now.” He chewed his lip and tapped his fingers against the countertop. “I told him I’m leaving Palmetto when this is all over.”

Kevin raised a brow at him, setting aside his metal water bottle. “Have you talked?”

“Yeah,” Neil breathed. “Things make more sense now... Why he was acting the way he was. But none of it changes the fact that he treated me like shit, or the fact that he didn’t trust me.” Neil didn’t know if he believed his own words - well, that wasn’t exactly true. None of it _did_ change the fact that he treated Neil like shit. But trust? Trust was a frail, fragile thing that must be earned and wouldn’t it have been Neil’s own fault if he didn’t gain Andrew’s? Neil sighed again and pushed his sweaty hair back from his forehead. “Okay...” he conceded. “Maybe it does... I don't know? Every time I think about it, everything just gets all fucking mixed up.”

“At least he told you whatever it was. You have to know that it couldn’t have been easy for him. Andrew’s only ever really trusted one person.”

“Bee.”

Kevin nodded. “So it has to mean something that he told you. Even if it was too late.”

Neil blinked hard then pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, suddenly exhausted. “It doesn’t matter... Even if I decided I’d take him back today, he’s already told me he’s not there yet. He’s figuring things out, getting his head straight. I want that for him. I’m not going to insist on picking back up when he’s finally doing something for himself.”

Kevin studied him for a moment, eyes narrowed. 

“You’re halfway out the door, aren’t you?” Kevin paused. Neil dropped his hands and didn’t reply. “Neil - Tell me, where are you going to go? Because you’ve thought about it, I can tell.”

Neil rolled his neck and stared down at the counter as he bit the inside of his lip again. _Damn Kevin_ . He could only recognize it in Neil because he no doubt knew what desperation looked like. Which _mother fucking sucked_ because he was _right_. Neil had gone so far as to look at the cost of housing in some places... A real ID meant he could have a decent job, maybe even take what he’d learned at TFN...

Eventually he admitted, “London, maybe. If the FBI will let me.”

“To your mother’s family?”

Neil turned his gaze to his sneakers. He needed new ones. These were from his Arizona days and -

_Anyway._

“My uncle Stuart keeps calling me. I ignore him, but there hasn’t been a day that he hasn’t tried since the first time. I told him I’d die before I jump into another crime family and I meant it. But... I don’t know. I’ve gotten used to having a family here and maybe I could have that there without getting into the business.” 

He knew how foolish that sounded. 

~~_You’re an idiot, Nathaniel._ ~~

“You can't, you know,” Kevin tried to remind him. “They’ll pull you in, because that’s how people like that work. It’ll be small things at first, and then they’ll make sure you’re dependent enough on them to keep making requests bigger and bigger.”

He knew that. Of course he did. But he still wanted to say _so fucking what?_ Because what did it even really matter now? He’d lost a fundamental part of him and the truth was, he didn’t much care about what happened now. Not that he wanted to work for the Hatfords - not at all - but he couldn’t make himself care about whatever crime they were committing over there, when everything was just as shitty over here. 

“Doesn’t matter, Kevin.” He shrugged, but continued. “I’ve also been looking into Colorado - I don’t know where I’ll land. I just know I can’t stay here.”

-

Later that day, when Neil found Andrew’s response to his song on twitter, Neil wondered how long this investigation would last. He didn’t know how long he could do this without begging Andrew to just come home with him and forget anything ever happened and 

It was another NF song - If You Want Love.

_I wish somebody woulda told me_

_If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain_

_If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change_

_If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away_

_If you want love, if you want love_

* * *

* * *

[ Interlude ] 

* * *

* * *

Andrew spent his Sunday listening to what Neil had recorded over and over again, and making notes where he thought things needed to be added. 

It was good. This kind of work took his mind off all the bullshit. It was the kind of work that had him _doing_ something and _getting_ somewhere. 

He didn’t know what time it was when Bee knocked on his door and poked her head around the corner when he told her to come in. It was still light out, so he hadn’t fallen too deep in his work. Not like before, at least. 

“Just wanted to check on you,” she said with a small smile. “How are you feeling?”

He took off his headphones and set his pen aside. “I’m okay.” 

“How has being back in the office been?” Bee walked into the room and with it, she brought a mug of hot chocolate. As she sat on the edge of his bed, she held it out and he automatically wrapped his hands around the ceramic, feeling better with the warmth seeping through his skin. He liked having his desk in front of the window, but it was an old house and when it got cold outside, the chill found its way in. 

“Hard,” he admitted. “But working helps... keeping my mind occupied helps.” He took a sip, grateful for the sweetness. It calmed him. “Therapy has been helping,” he added, because he knew Bee wouldn’t ask, but thought she should know. He’d been going three times a week, and while he thought it seemed excessive when John suggested it, it ended up being exactly what he needed. As a result, he didn’t have too much time in between sessions to sink into despair, before he had another one scheduled and an outlet for what he was feeling.

“I thought it might,” she said with a smile. “How is Neil doing?”

Andrew stared down into his mug, not sure how to answer. “Fine... I think. I don’t know. I know he’s still mad at me for how I handled everything and I don’t really blame him.” He took a sip to buy time. “He said he’s going to leave Palmetto once this season is done.”

“How do you feel about that?”

Andrew took a shaky breath and felt a bubble of hysteria rise in his throat. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry, but he allowed himself neither. “Like shit,” he admitted. “But I can’t make that decision for him. I just have to figure things out on my end, and then we’ll see what happens. Maybe things will work out.” ~~_Maybe they won't_ ~~ ~~.~~ “I don’t know. I can’t think about it right now. It’ll set me back if I go down that road and -”

Bee stood and he stopped talking. She reached over the small space to push Andrew’s hair back from his forehead, then patted his cheek. Her smile was warm and kind and everything he once felt like he didn’t deserve. “You’re going to be just fine, honey.”

Ultimately, he wasn’t so sure about that. But Bee was rarely wrong. 

-

He spent the rest of the afternoon sitting at that desk. Eventually, he finally took a break in the form of a cigarette. He was trying to quit again, but he was too weak right now. He needed the nicotine to block out any other _buzz_. He needed to feel the hum in his veins to keep him centered and he thought he could at least have _that_ right now. 

Sitting on the back porch, he smoked and looked through his phone - scrolling past the ridiculous number of pictures Seth had posted of him and Dion on instagram, double checking twitter for a response from Neil, checking his email. 

There was a new one in his inbox and he clicked on it, taking a slow drag as he read. 

And then

“Fuck.”

He shot up and called Neil immediately with no forethought, no hesitation. 

“Pick up your fucking phone for once,” he muttered, inhaling another long drag with a shaking hand. 

_‘Drew? Are you okay?’_

~~_‘Drew’_ ~~

Andrew stopped pacing and closed his eyes against the flare of fresh pain in his chest. Neil sounded sleepy... Like Andrew had woken him and it was all he could see behind his eyes. Neil - sleep tousled, lips swollen and pink from morning kisses; chest bare and scarred torso on display, a shiver through his body when Andrew traced a reverent finger along them. 

_‘Andrew?’_

“Yeah, I’m here.” His voice was rough. He ground his teeth and cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

 _‘It’s fine,’_ Neil said and Andrew could hear him shifting around. _‘I didn’t mean to fall asleep anyway. What time is it?’_

“Almost six,” Andrew told him, knowing it wasn’t like Neil to sleep like this so late. Sunday afternoon naps were one of their favorite things to indulge in when they were together and could burrow under blankets with the cats. But Neil never let himself sleep too late. He claimed he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if he did. 

_‘Ah, fuck. I won’t be sleeping tonight...’_ Andrew smiled a little as Neil sighed into the phone. He couldn’t help himself. ‘ _What’s going on_?’

“I just got an email. Can you meet? It’s about the case and I think we need to sit down and discuss it.”

_‘Yeah, sure. Do you want to come to Kevin’s? I don’t have a car…’_

~~_Yeah, well, whose fault is that?_ ~~

“Give me ten minutes.”

_‘I’ll give you twenty. Don’t drive like an asshole.’_

_-_

Andrew pulled up in front of Kevin’s fifteen minutes later. He stood in front of the door for a moment, getting his bearings because 

This was just business. He knew that. Still

Could it ever be just business with Neil?

He knocked and waited, listening for sounds on the other side of the door. The knob turned and he inhaled a breath, preparing to be greeted by Neil. Which was why he couldn’t help the scowl when it was Brianna instead. 

“Well, hello to you, too, you cheerful son of a bitch.”

“I’m here for Neil,” Andrew responded.

“Bit too late for that, don’t you think?”

He went to say something back, but then

“Andrew?” He looked over Brianna’s shoulder to see Neil standing there, looking small in one of Kevin’s sweatshirts. It was fucking huge on him... He tamped down the flare of jealousy he felt at seeing it. 

Dragging his eyes back to Brianna, he raised a brow. She pursed her lips and moved out of the way to let him in. 

“Hey,” Neil said, pulling the sleeves down over his hands so all that was visible were the tips of his fingers. Andrew had the insane urge to grab his arm and push the sleeves back - an urge to place kisses on the scars he knew were hidden beneath. 

He tamped that down, too. 

“Hey. Can we talk?”

Neil led him to Kevin’s spare bedroom with a reassuring smile at Brianna, since she was standing there watching them like a fucking hawk. Andrew gave her a sarcastic little smile before following. 

Neil shut the door behind him and it became immediately obvious the predicament they were in. There was nowhere to sit in the room except for the bed. Close quarters - too close even if Andrew stood across the room. So... he didn’t. 

Andrew lowered himself to sit at the edge of the bed Neil had been sleeping in, still mussed from his nap. He pulled out his phone as Neil sighed and joined him on the bed, pushing himself to lean against the headboard. 

“I got an email I think you should see,” he murmured, opening it up and handing the phone over. He watched Neil’s face very carefully as he read. 

_‘You boys were right. Hiding in plain sight is the way to go. However I must admit, I feel a little bad at how poorly you’re doing in trying to find me, so I’ll give you a hint._

_The warmer you get, the colder you are._

_Give Little Bird my love._

_Best of luck, gentleman._

_-S’_

Neil looked up at him, eyes wide. “Holy shit.”

“I know,” Andrew muttered, pulling off the hoodie he was wearing and tossing it on the side of Neil’s bed. 

“Do you really think it’s him?”

“I really do, but there’s an easy way to tell.” Andrew shifted on the bed so he faced Neil better. 

“Robin,” Neil said, putting it together. “‘Little Bird’... She said he had a nickname for all of them. Do you think this was her?”

Andrew took off his glasses, setting them on the bed so he could rub his eyes properly. Neil picked them up and started cleaning them on his shirt absentmindedly, like he always did. He stopped when he realized what he was doing, cheeks turning pink. “Sorry,” he whispered and set them back down without meeting Andrew’s eyes. 

Andrew shrugged, pretending like the sight of it didn’t tear him the fuck up. “They haven’t been cleaned since the last time you cleaned them, so they probably needed it...”

“So, what does this mean?” Neil asked - not about the glasses, Andrew knew. He was changing the subject. Andrew didn’t know if he appreciated it or not as an ‘Anyway’ hung in the air. "'The warmer you get, the colder you are’? And this thing about ‘hiding in plain sight’? How would he even know that was our plan? We didn’t tell anyone that except for the team and who would they have told?”

Andrew didn’t know. In a way, this email made all the sense in the world, while making none at all. “I don’t know.” He shook his head. “If he was following closely enough, I supposed he could’ve deduced that's what we were doing. I mean, it’s not a secret that your father’s henchmen nearly killed us, and yet we came back like nothing ever happened.”

Neil rubbed his chin like there was stubble there. There wasn’t. There never was. “Maybe. What about this other part? ‘The warmer you get, the colder you are?”

“I don’t know what it means. If he was following closely enough, I suppose he could have deduced that that’s what we were doing. It’s not a secret that your father’s henchmen nearly killed us, and yet we came back like nothing happened.”

“Together with the hiding in plain sight, maybe he means even if we get close to him, we wouldn’t know? We guessed he was someone of note in the community, because it would explain the big house and constant guests Robin heard.”

Andrew leaned against the far wall, staring at the phthalo sky peaking just beyond the blinds of the window. He needed to be outside of Neil’s orbit for just a moment. He needed to clear his head because in _here_ he couldn’t think-

“What if he means literally? Like, what if he really _is_ in Philly? Newark would be farther south and he has to know we would look there.”

Andrew thought back to the gas station video. Neil was right when he said it didn’t make sense to be there - buying items straight out of the ‘kidnappers handbook’ and _and and and_

How could they be so _fucking_ blind? It hit Andrew so suddenly that rather than feel his utter stupidity, instead he felt anger... Which he logically knew wasn’t a constructive emotion, but he’d had a hard time feeling anything but despair lately, so it was a nice change. 

“He’s fucking with us.”

“Well, obviously,” Neil said, gesturing to Andrew’s phone in his hand.

Andrew shook his head and traced his scars on his cheek with narrowed eyes at the window. He then dropped his hand and looked directly at Neil. “No. I mean with the gas station. Why would he be there? Why would he be buying such obvious fucking shit in his creepy kidnapper costume? A switchblade? Seriously? If he was just visiting a house he owns, why the need for secrecy, Neil? He _wanted_ us to find that tape.”

“If that’s true,” Neil started slowly. “Then everything we find has to be called into question. It could all be redirection...”

“Yeah, well. The warmer you get the colder you _fucking_ are - _fuck_. That slimy mother fucker... I know it’s not unusual for serial killers to get involved in their own cases. It’s happened before and sometimes they can’t help themselves. But I honestly didn’t think we’d see it from him... Not with Robin here? I thought he’d go deeper underground, knowing there’s a witness working on finding him but -”

“We’re not dealing with a sane person here.” Neil said, then sighed because he knew how obvious that sounded. “You know what I mean.”

“I know. You’re right. We’re not.” He paused for a second. “I think we need to include this in the podcast. I’d hoped to put the episode up tomorrow once Seth went through my notes, but that’s not going to happen.” Andrew stood and ran his fingers through his hair, pacing back and forth in the tight space. When he turned to start again, he stopped to find Neil in front of him. He was so close so quickly and Andrew took a step back. 

“This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, Andrew.” Neil said, voice calm. “He’s bound to get sloppy if he wants to communicate. So, let’s take this and rewrite the script. We’ll re record everything next week with the both of us. It works better that way and I’m shit at this without you.” 

Andrew looked away and swallowed down whatever feeling bubbled in his throat. He just nodded and moved on. “We should try to trace this, too. I don’t know if it’s something Seth can do, but we should see. I’d rather not go outside of the team with it.”

“What about the cops?” Neil asked. “Should we give it to them for their investigation?”

_No._

“There wouldn’t be a point. Walsh already said he can’t link our guy with Haylie’s kidnapper, and Steven didn’t mention her in the email. I don’t think it would matter in their investigation because they wouldn’t take it seriously.”

Neil nodded. “Okay. Do you want to start on the rewrite?”

Andrew nodded. “Tomorrow... I’m going to have Seth post the audio notes from the interview with Bryan and let people know we’ll have something next Sunday.”

“We’ve been quiet on the website,” Neil said.

“I know. I just…”

“Me, too.”

Andrew sighed and picked his phone up from the bed, slipping it back into his pocket. “Anyway... I’ll leave you alone now. I have therapy in the morning, so I won’t be there until around lunch.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Neil pulled on his sleeves again and cleared his throat. “That’s... yeah. Good. You should do that - I mean, you _are_ doing that. It’s... good, I mean. That you’re doing it.”

If this were any other time, perhaps Andrew would think that was cute. Instead, it just made him feel nostalgic. He swallowed again and nodded. “It is,” he said, and because he wanted Neil to know, “It’s helping. It fucking sucks and I hate it most days, but it’s helping.” Then, “I’m sorry. I should’ve done this months ago.”

Neil nodded. “Yeah, you should’ve.”

~~_Right._ ~~

They stood there awkwardly for a minute, before the tension became too much and he couldn’t handle it anymore. “See you tomorrow,” he said, opening the door. 

“See you.”

He shut the door behind him and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself before moving to leave. Brianna was nowhere to be found, but when he turned his head it was to find Kevin in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed like he’d just been waiting for Andrew to appear. 

“Not a word, Kevin.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“You’ve always been a terrible liar. Did you have your ear pressed to the door?”

Kevin shook his head with a small smile in the corner of his mouth that made the shadow of his old tattoo lift slightly. “I figured if you were fighting or fucking, I’d be able to hear.”

“I guess you were right. It was neither.” Andrew kept walking towards the door, but Kevin’s voice stopped him.

“How are you?” Andrew thought about flipping him off and leaving. That’s what he wanted to do, at least. But Kevin was a worrier and he wouldn’t put it past him to go to Bee for information if he got desperate. 

So, Andrew sighed and turned, walking closer to the kitchen. “I’m as fine as I can be in the situation, Kevin.”

“Nicky’s worried, you know. He follows the website and twitter and he’s noticed the silence. He knew he wouldn’t get any info from Bee and you never tell Aaron anything, so he’s trying to go through me.”

“And what did you tell him?” Nicky had texted Andrew a few times and he’d responded enough to keep him satisfied that he wasn’t dead. 

The last time he’d facetimed Bella, he’d been in the throes of misery and hopeful that it would lift his spirits. It did, until Aaron’s face appeared behind Bella’s and he asked why Andrew was in his room at Bee’s. At the time, Andrew had ignored him and asked Bella about school. That was an _‘I told you so_ ’ he didn’t really need to hear. 

After that, he got off the phone when Bella asked where _Unkie Neil_ was. 

“Nothing. Said if he wanted to know, he needed to go to you.”

“Which he won’t.”

“No, he won’t. He knows better. But he’s just worried about you. You know Nicky.”

Andrew did. But he still couldn’t find it in himself to want to inform him or anyone else of any of the bullshit happening right now. 

“Well, let me know if you need anything,” Kevin said, reaching into the fridge to pull out carrots and hummus. “I know you’re going to therapy, but if you ever just need to vent…”

“I’m good, Kev. But your concern is noted.” Andrew turned again to actually leave this time, but once again Kevin stopped him.

“He’s planning on leaving.”

Andrew froze on the spot, staring at the door. “I know,” he said, because he did. Neil had told him...

“He said he’s thinking about going to the Hatfords. Said his Uncle has been calling him.”

_What -_

Andrew whirled around at that. “What?” he said incredulously. “You’re fucking lying. He was on the run for fifteen fucking years and refused to go to them when his mom died. He chose to be a homeless runaway over them, I mean -” Andrew shook his head, then moved closer to Kevin as he lowered his voice incase Neil could hear them. “He would fucking never.”

Kevin shrugged. “I’m just telling you what he told me because I think you should know. If you want to salvage this, which I think you do, you need to do it before you’re done with this season. He’s not going to stick around, Andrew. His reflex to run is too strong.”

Andrew looked at the closed door of Neil’s room, that pain tightening his chest, constricting and making it even harder to breathe than it had been before. “Why the fuck is he wearing your sweatshirt?” he asked Kevin lowly. It had just been a question in his head, but then - 

Kevin actually looked surprised. He’d been stoically calm up until that point. “He was cold and asked me if he could borrow one. All he has is a jacket.”

“You sure that’s it?” _Stop. What are you even saying?_ “Because don’t think I haven’t noticed that he looks like Marcus - that you’ve been asking him to play on court with you alone.” He actually hadn’t noticed any of those things until the moment Neil’s potential departure to the Hatford’s criminal circle hit him in the fucking gut. 

“You’re not this fucking stupid,” Kevin said, leaning forward on the counter. “I know all this has got you messed up, but do you really think I’d do that to you? That _he’d_ do that to you? He looks nothing fucking like Marcus and we play alone because you refuse to come, even though he asks you every fucking time. Is he not allowed to have friends now?”

 _‘Is he not allowed_ -’

Shame replaced bitter jealousy, and Andrew stared at Kevin for a long minute before he completely deflated. Closing his eyes, he shook his head. “Of course he is. I’ve always wanted that for him here.”

“Then get your head out of your ass. I’m trying to help you, asshole.”

“Whatever...” Andrew mumbled. “I’m leaving now. Tell Nicky to mind his own business next time he calls.”

Andrew shut the door quietly behind him, not wanting Neil to know he’d been talking about him to Kevin, and that he was leaving in an even more fucked up state of mind than he’d come here in. 

He was glad he had therapy in the morning. 

~~He hoped Neil wore the hoodie he left on the end of his bed instead of Kevin’s.~~

* * *

* * *

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_For now, our next stop was a gas station in Philadelphia. Seems random, I’m sure. But it turned out to be a fruitful trip, one way or another._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_While we were in New York, I asked all of you for help and tips - which are important because they're what’s going to make this case. They're what’s going to help us find him and a couple of listeners really pulled through. One of your emails really caught our attention._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_A listener by the name of ‘Liz’ wrote to us claiming she’d spotted a man matching Steven’s description in a gas station. According to her, he was buying an odd assortment of items._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_A knife, a map, a pack of cigarettes, and a switchblade. As Neil likes to put it, items directly out of the ‘Kidnappers Handbook’._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Well. I’m not wrong. And anyway, the description she gave of him was enough to pique our interest. So, we hopped on a train and made our way over. We were determined to follow every lead we could, and we had a feeling this was a good one._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_After speaking with a very helpful employee, we were granted access to the security footage. It didn’t take long for us to spot a man walking into the store with a black jacket, black hat, and very pointedly not looking at the camera. After watching him purchase the items mentioned in the email, we agreed._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_It was him. Not just him in the email, but_ **_him._ ** _Steven._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_That begged the question, why? What was he doing in Philadelphia? This was a week before Haylie went missing and he was buying a map of the area. What was he doing there?_

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Initially, we thought he'd planned on snatching a child from Philly instead of New York. Maybe he changed his mind and decided he was less likely to attract attention in Manhattan._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Neil brought up the possibility of a safe house, too._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Right. One thing my father had a lot of was safe houses and - before you call me, no Mr. FBI, I have no information that could help you._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_They’re going to call you, anyway._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

**_Anyway._ ** _So I wondered if maybe Steven had one and perhaps planned to take Haylie there, before taking her to Newark. Maybe with Robin out here with a boot on his neck, he’s being extra cautious._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_However, in the end we came to this conclusion: he’s fucking with us. Steven is trying to lead us on a wild goose chase with misdirection. He knows we’re looking for him_.

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_You think he’s worried?_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Not even a little. Which will be his downfall._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Can’t wait._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_In the meantime, we keep moving forward._

* * *

* * *

Neil slept in Andrew’s hoodie. 

He felt stupid for it, but he couldn’t help it. It smelled like him - like his soap and cigarettes and _Andrew_. Part of him wondered if he left it on purpose. He had to have realized once he got outside and felt the cold, but he didn’t come back for it. 

Neil was glad. 

He thought about bringing it to the studio with him to give it back. 

He didn’t. 

He’d been waiting for Andrew all day. He got there early, like he always did, and pretended to look through notes and search for things on the internet, and play with Sir...

Now he sat in the kitchen with enough food for two. 

He may have been just sitting there so it looked like he hadn’t started eating yet when Andrew got there. 

Maybe. 

The door to the kitchen opened and Neil straightened before slouching immediately when he saw it was Sheena. 

“Hey you,” she said with a smile. “Mind if I join?” She held up a bag which he assumed contained some sort of food. He shook his head because what else could he do?

She smiled wider and sat across from him. She was the new intern for the spring. Neil watched for a moment, how she took out a salad and a fork and arranged them in front of her. She made sure she had a napkin, placed her drink in front of her salad and - she was very... put together. It was the only way Neil could think to describe her. _Allison_ was put together, but it was in a way that looked deliberately effortless. She could be wearing a sack and it would look like it was a million bucks because that’s just the energy she exuded. Sheena was different though. She looked like everything was carefully planned and painfully applied. Her eyebrows had an impressive point at the top and he wondered how many layers of makeup it took to get her skin to look that smooth. He could admit or recognize that it looked pretty good from far away, but up close Neil wanted to rub her face just to see how much would come off on his hand.

“What?” she asked with a giggle. “Do I have something on my face?”

Neil furrowed his brows. “No?”

“Oh, good. Look your fill then, I suppose.” She winked at him and Neil belatedly realized she thought he was staring at her to... admire her? Check her out? He wanted to tell her he was just impressed at her pointy eyebrows, but he felt like that would just lead to a more awkward conversation. 

“So, what’s on your agenda for the day?” she asked, taking the top off her salad container. “Dan has me mailing out booster forms. So boring - Any chance I could sit in while you record today?” She dropped her hand to casually run a finger over Neil’s armband, looking him in the eye with a weird fucking look on her face. The one that said she was trying to say one thing, but meant something else. 

_Is she serious?_

Neil began to raise a brow again, but whatever he was going to say was cut off. 

“Not enough room once I’m in there, I’m afraid,” Andrew said from the doorway. Sheena snatched her hand back.

“Oh, Andrew. Hey. I didn’t know you’d be here today since it’s already so late.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes at her. “Who are you, again?”

Her smile dropped and she turned back to her salad. 

“Ready?” Andrew asked him.

_Fucking yes._

Neil started to stand but Sheena stopped him. “You haven’t even started to eat... You should sit. Andrew can wait.”

“Seriously,” Andrew said, moving further into the room. “Who the fuck are you?”

Neil rolled his eyes. “I’ll eat while we work.” He gathered his food and moved to follow Andrew, ignoring Sheena’s pout.

“Let’s go into a conference room,” he said with a sigh. “More room to spread out.”

They settled at one of the long tables in the first conference room and Andrew immediately started pulling things out of his bag. Notebook, tablet, chewed purple pen. Neil hid his smile by biting his lip. 

They set to writing, taking what Neil already had and adding things here and there, while taking some away. They also put in parts for Andrew, creating that comfortable back and forth they always had when script writing. 

Neil nudged half his sandwich and a bag of chips over. 

“You can have some, if you want. I got too much.” Andrew glanced at the food before bending his head over the script again. 

It was a half hour later when they were deep in discussion about their next moves and if they should call James Hodges again, when Andrew reached for the sandwich. He didn’t seem to be thinking about it. He was just listening to Neil talk and reached over and unwrapped it. Neil didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to bring attention to it and risk Andrew putting the food back down. 

_He’s lost weight._

Neil could tell and it made him sick with worry. Andrew was always shit at taking care of himself, but he always at least kept up a gym routine and that in turn forced him to eat moderately healthy in order to keep up his workout. 

Neil wondered how long it’d been since he’d gone to the gym. 

_Anyway_

Neil kept talking, Andrew chiming in around a bite every once in a while or nodding his head in agreement. 

It was nice.

It was like _before_. 

They stayed there all day. Seth poked his head in once and wagged his brows at Neil behind Andrew’s back, before letting them know that the email they’d received was untraceable with a hidden IP address. Neither of them were surprised. It was still worth the try. 

When Andrew left once for the bathroom, Neil posted his song reply on twitter (Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me, because he’d yet to find a situation where Elton John wasn’t entirely appropriate). When he left for a break, he came back to find Andrew quickly putting his phone away and pretending he didn’t see it. 

It was their form of passing notes, Neil realized. And neither of them seemed to want to mention it. 

So they didn’t. 

By the time they finished, Neil’s eyes were hurting. They’d gotten most of the script rewritten to include Andrew and new information. It was better than what Neil and Dan had written and Neil was unbelievably relieved. Even though they still seemed to be somewhat at each other’s throats, he didn’t want to do this without Andrew. 

“So, is that girl an intern or something?” Andrew asked, still looking down at his paper. 

Neil sighed, “Not sure how you missed her the entire time she’s been here. She started this semester. Pretty sure she brought you coffee last week.”

Andrew shrugged. “Guess she’s not really that noticeable.” He flicked his eyes towards Neil and then away again. 

_Ah._ Andrew was jealous. He saw Sheena flirting in the kitchen. Neil stifled his smile. Sheena had been flirting with him since she started. Seth loved to give him shit for it and initially he denied it. But even he, with his mind oblivious to anyone but _Andrew_ , couldn’t help but notice it after that. He was nice to her, but he never encouraged her. He couldn’t be less interested. 

“Well, don’t antagonize her too much. Dan will yell at you for fucking with the interns again. Jack’s trying really hard to convince her that he’s amazing as he thinks he is, so he’s being extra annoying, just FYI.”

“Seems like Jack isn’t the one on her mind.” Andrew looked at him again and Neil held his gaze. 

He shrugged. He wasn’t going to deny it. 

Also, he didn’t really mind Andrew being a little jealous. 

“How was therapy today?” Neil asked, both to change the subject and because he wanted to know. 

“Really good, actually. Now that we’re past most of the foundational shit, we can get down to the real issues. Though he keeps wanting me to try meds.”

Neil started gathering their notes and putting them in some semblance of order. 

“And you refuse every time, I’m sure.”

Andrew hummed. “You know me so well... Yeah,” he nodded. “I refuse. Probably stupid.”

“Probably.”

Andrew let out a breath of a laugh and Neil felt warmth bubble in his center. He looked up to see if there was a smile with it, but it was gone before he could. “Anyway... there it is. I feel like right now this is helping. Maybe I’ll change my mind about meds later, I don’t know. I’m not against them for other people and I know they’re necessary sometimes, but...”

“You don’t want to feel out of control.”

“Yeah...” Andrew said quietly, and Neil thought about what a fucking waste this was - this intimate knowledge he had of the man in front of him, and the very little good it did either of them right now. 

So, Neil sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Well, as long as you feel like it’s helping. Meds will always be there if you change your mind.”

“I suppose they will.” 

Neil stood, then. “I think I’ll go back to the apartment,” he said. He’d been thinking about it for a few days. He didn’t mind staying with Kevin, but if he was being honest, he just wanted to be in his own bed and Sir hated being somewhere she wasn’t familiar with. “I won’t though, if you want to leave Bee’s.”

“No,” Andrew said quickly. “No, you should go back. I need to be at Bee’s right now. She helps me stay grounded... and forces me to eat.”

“I hope you haven’t thrown any plates at her.”

The look of absolute devastation on Andrew’s face made Neil stop short. _I was joking -_ It was a joke... That was all. He was just trying to make light of a shitty situation and 

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean it that way... I was just trying to be funny.” Neil scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m shit at this.”

“Yeah, you are.” Andrew stood and started shoving papers back in his bag. “At least that makes two of us.”

Neil decided fleeing the room was probably the best course of action. “Well, I’ll just-”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.” Andrew lifted his head to look at him. “About the plate. It was inexcusable. You could’ve been hurt.” He had to choke out the last word. Andrew’s brows furrowed and his chest rose and fell in short breaths and - “My mind was just.. So fucked up and I didn’t realize-”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s _not_ fine,” Andrew said, looking at Neil with eyes burning. “It’s not fucking fine. That wasn’t okay.”

“No,” Neil agreed quietly. “It wasn’t. But what’s done is done, Andrew.” And suddenly, he was fucking exhausted. “You can't take back what you did. You can only try to be better and you’re doing that by going to therapy. I’m - I’m proud of you for getting help.”

“You sound like Bee.”

“Bee is rarely wrong.”

Neil did leave then, and when he was in bed that night, wrapped in Andrew’s hoodie, he thought about how normal everything felt with Andrew. Then, he thought about Andrew apologizing to him for the plate and how it never should’ve happened in the first place. 

He didn’t know if he was more sad or angry at that... And he fell asleep thinking about Andrew asking, ‘ _Is there no hope, then_?’

* * *

* * *

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Earlier in the episode, we said we’ve already posted our initial interview with Robin and where you can find it. However, Andrew spoke to her again and asked about the house where she was held, and what she could remember of it._

* * *

* * *

When he spiraled, Andrew’s sex drive had always been the first thing to go. 

In the weeks leading up to their breakup, it rarely happened. The night before everything had gone to shit and Andrew and Neil had fallen so hard into each other was a complete exception. Andrew remembered thinking it was a turning point. When he was in the moment, that _feeling_ in his chest expanded to include possibilities he’d never really considered before - like _love_ . Like _forever_ . Like he he thought he would _love_ this man _forever_. 

He wondered, sometimes, if this was his punishment for thinking he could have _any_ of that. There had been a price to pay for Cass. Andrew had been willing to pay it until it meant putting Aaron in Drake’s path. He never did take much stock in taking care of himself... That was one of the first things Bee had pointed out to him when she was his therapist. At the time, he’d just shrugged and said, _‘Why care for something of so little value?_ ’

Now, he could see the sickness in that statement. He’d protected himself, sure - with his knives and weights and a sharp tongue that made most people believe he wasn’t worth the trouble. But, _caring_ for himself had always been hit or miss. 

He thought of that night with Neil again as he gripped himself in the shower. He had one hand on the cold tiles, head bent under the hot water, and he thought about that moment with Neil spread beneath him... About how he thought about fate in that moment, and how it had surprised him, sure, but it hadn’t scared him.

He moved his hand faster.

He thought about Neil’s mouth on his neck and Neil’s legs tight around his hips - about the way he said Andrew’s name like it was the most important thing he’d ever said. He thought about the friction of them rutting against each other, never close enough no matter how hard they pressed together. 

He thought about watching Neil bring himself over the edge, and using that hand to carry Andrew tumbling after him. 

Andrew bit his lip and pounded his fist against the tile where his hand had been. With his forehead pressed against the cool wall, he took a moment to take a few panting breaths, before rinsing his hand off in the spray of water and finishing his shower. 

His sex drive was always the first thing to go. But he thought it was coming back now. 

Being near Neil had become a slow sort of torture, because as much as he’d missed lying on the couch with him and taking naps and cooking dinner, he missed other things, too. 

They’d spent the week recording the new script. Things were tense, but civil. At least once, Andrew thought Neil had caught him staring at the curve of his ass in the pants he knew Andrew loved, and he felt automatic guilt. Andrew couldn’t help that he missed that intimacy, now that he’d had it. It’d never been that way with anyone else. 

No one but _Neil_. 

He talked to his therapist about it that day. John helped him come to the conclusion that as long as he was not actively seeking Neil out for sex or making him uncomfortable, it wasn’t something he should feel guilt over. 

That still didn’t stop him from feeling guilty. Andrew had always had a love/hate relationship with sex, and it felt a little like touching Neil without his permission. 

He tried to put it out of his mind on the way to the studio. Yesterday, he’d posted Ghostown by Basecamp, and he listened to it again now - wondering what song Neil would post in response. It was probably stupid, going back and forth like this on the official twitter. Everyone who followed could see...

But somehow, that just made it more satisfying. 

Neil had taken to having lunch for the both of them when he got there, and it was the only time of day he enjoyed eating. He hadn’t even realized that first day, until Bee asked him after what he’d eaten. He was glad he could give her a good, honest answer. 

Something was immediately wrong when he walked through the door. There were raised voices near the lounge and he quickened his steps. Neil and Jack stood there, staring each other down on opposite ends of the couch. Seth sat near Neil, looking like he was watching a very entertaining movie. 

“If she doesn’t like you, it has nothing to do with me, you fucking wanker,” Neil was saying, and Andrew didn’t miss the use of the word. He’d been talking to Stuart. Andrew ground his teeth.

“Not now, apparently. I hear you’ve been leading her on for weeks, despite the fact that you’re a fag. You tell her about that yet?”

Andrew stepped forward just as Seth said, “Woooaaahhh, woah woah woah hold-”

“Watch your fucking mouth,” Andrew cut him off. Everyone turned to look at him and he thought Seth probably couldn’t be more delighted to see him. 

“Why are you defending him? Didn’t you get bored and tell him to take a hike?”

Neil looked furious, but Andrew spoke before Neil could say something probably stupidly impulsive

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, as usual. I’m curious,” Andrew said casually, leaning a hip against the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. “Do words come out of your ass? Because as far as I can tell, only shit comes out of your mouth.”

Seth choked on his laugh. 

“That’s real funny coming from you... you know considering,” Jack looked between Neil and Andrew, clearly implying something that Andrew ignored. He had everything he needed to eviscerate this asshole, anyway. “You think you’re tough shit -”

“I know I’m tough shit, thanks,” Andrew sighed. “Tell me, Jack. What is it you want to _do_ with your life? Do you intend on acting like a roided up bro until you’re in your fifties and suddenly realize you've got nothing to show for it but a divorce and an alcohol dependency?”

“Excuse me? You don’t know anything about me. I’ll have you know I’m a chef-”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I-”

“No... You’re really not. Smoking weed in the walk-in cooler at Bojangles doesn’t make you a chef, I’m afraid. Wait - Where are you going?”

Jack had spun on his heel, red faced and fuming, and stomped his way toward Wymack’s office. “Tell Uncle David I said hi!”

Andrew had never called Wymack ‘Uncle David’ in his life, but Jack didn’t need to know that. 

Seth was still cackling, a fist to his mouth rocking back and forth. “I got that last bit on camera, I’m fucking _wheezing_ ,” he said, clutching a hand to his chest. “I gotta send this to D.” Andrew looked to Neil once he was gone. 

His jaw was tight and his arms were crossed. He wasn’t looking at Andrew. 

“You didn’t have to do that.”

Andrew shrugged. “I know. But I wanted to.”

“I’m not your problem anymore.”

Andrew blinked. Neil would always be his problem... he had been since he was thirteen fucking years old, and it didn’t matter if they were broken up or not - it didn’t matter if Neil moved to London, or Tibet, or fucking Mars. Andrew would _always_ want him to be okay. 

Neil left him standing there and headed to the conference room they’d been using to hole themselves up in. Andrew joined him tentatively a few minutes later. 

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t upset me,” Neil sighed. “Here, I-”

“Got too much food, I know.” Andrew took the offered sandwich and sat down. “Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“Not right now I’m not. Let’s look at this one more time before we go record.”

Andrew let it drop. Neil could have things he didn’t want to say right now or ever, if he wanted. Andrew had a few of those too.

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Where did he take you?_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_A house. I don’t know where it was. We entered through a basement entrance. I didn’t come out again for a long, long time._

[ long pause ] 

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Do you need a break?_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_No, let’s keep going._

**_Andrew Minyard_ ** _:_

_Okay. Do you remember anything about the house?_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_It was big… But I was so small when I first saw it, maybe it just seemed like that. I do remember it being out of the way, because I never saw any houses nearby. I’m sure we were still somewhere in Newark, but I don’t know where - on the outskirts maybe... I remember it being blue, too. Three stories if you count the basement. Nice... New Englandish. Expensive looking._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_What about the basement?_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_It was like a small house. There was a bedroom and a bathroom and a kitchen, a living room with a TV and a big couch. It was... he had it stocked. Like someone lived there. The bedroom…_

[ long pause ]

_It was decorated for a kid... For a girl. Stereotypical... Pink with frilly things, dolls and princess dresses. He put me in that room. It locked from the outside, and he left me there screaming and banging on the door._

* * *

* * *

Neil took down their Christmas tree.

He’d been in the ~~ir~~ apartment for a couple of days before he couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. The plate and food had been cleaned up at least, he assumed by Andrew. He was worried it would still be there for some reason - a reminder of what had happened when Andrew told Neil to get out and Neil obliged. 

There were enough memories here to choke him without that. 

He closed the box the tree came in and shoved it back into the storage closet they had outside off the deck. He walked around the apartment in Andrew’s hoodie, pulling the sleeves over his hands, picking things up and putting them down. 

He picked up the pictures of them at the Grand Canyon. He’d taken them both, one of them as kids and the other of them as adults, and put them in one frame. It was his favorite thing in this fucking apartment... A reminder of their Journey, he thought. 

Neil closed his eyes and set it face down. It was too hard to look at and he had enough to deal with already. 

He was an absolute bundle of nervous energy. Andrew was supposed to stop by and pick up some things he wanted to take back to Bee’s. He’d offered to come by when Neil wasn’t there, but Neil told him to stop being stupid. It was ~~technically~~ Andrew’s apartment, after all. Neil’s name wasn’t even on the lease.

A knock on the door startled Neil and he rolled his eyes. Quickly, he moved to open it while pushing Sir out of the way gently with his foot. “You have a key you know-”

“Hello, Nathaniel.”

Neil’s heart completely stopped, before it kicked back double time. 

“Hello, Uncle Stuart.”

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_As vague as this description is, it’s still helpful. We were put in contact with a realtor who occasionally works in the Newark area, and tasked him with finding us houses that matched this description._

_With him as a guide, we drove all around Newark._

_Some of the houses we were able to dismiss outright, and the ones that looked promising, we took pictures of._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_We would share those pictures, but some have current owners. So instead, we shared them with Robin and she looked through for us. According to her, she didn’t find a match for the image she had in her mind, but she was able to narrow down the similarities for us. In the future, we may revisit and see if we can match her description exactly, but for now there’s something else that has our attention._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Earlier, we mentioned the names of several prolific serial killers who had gotten involved in their own investigations. In episode one, we had also made comparisons with the Golden State Killer. Bear with us as we do it again, so you can really understand how some killers have the need to feel like they’re being seen - or the need to feel like they’re smarter than the people looking for them._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Joseph D’Angelo, the Golden State Killer, made contact several times during the course of the investigation into him. In 1966, he sent a poem he’d written to a newspaper and a news station, signing it,_ **_‘your east area rapist, and deserving pest’_ **. 

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_He also made phone calls almost_ _during_ _his entire reign of terror. Some of them were to law enforcement - taunting them and telling them they would never find him, sometimes the same night as an attack._

_Other calls were made to some of his victims as well, taunting them._

_Joseph D’Angelo felt like he was untouchable... Maybe even god-like in his indestructibility. However, as we said, this wasn’t just_ **_him_ ** _. This was Ted Budy, and Dennis Rader, and David Berkowitz, just to name a few._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_And now it appears, Steven. We received an email to the Red Rabbits Podcast account. Andrew saw it first and rushed over to show me. I think our reactions were basically the same._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Holy shit._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Holy shit._

_We’ll post the email to the website with full acknowledgement that this is likely what he wants - but here’s most of what it read._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

**_‘You boys were right. Hiding in plain sight is the way to go. However I must admit, I feel a little bad at how poorly you’re doing in trying to find me, so I’ll give you a hint. The warmer you get, the colder you are. Best of luck gentlemen. -S’_ **

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Now, as creepy as this email sounds, there’s still a possibility that it was just someone fucking with us. That happens sometimes._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_However, there are a few reasons as to why we believe this_ **_is_ ** _Steven._

_One: the comment about us hiding in plain sight. We’ve never discussed this with anyone outside of the team, but part of our plan when we came back to Palmetto after New york, was to do just that. With Nathans men after us, and a few other reasons I can’t get into on the air, we felt it was best to stay in the public eye where more people would notice if we went missing. How he knew this, we still have no idea. He may have just surmised on his own that that’s what we were doing, because it doesn’t take a fucking rocket scientist - but either way, it’s eerily accurate._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_There was also a line in here that we took out. In the interview with Robin, she'd mentioned Steven had nicknames for her and the other girls._

_-_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_He had pictures of them. He would pull them out and tell me their names, but only so I could hear the pet name he gave to replace them. He never called me Robin. I think it was a way to further strip us of our identity._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Can you tell us what name he called you?_

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_No._

_-_

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Steven included this nickname in the email and we were able to confirm it with Robin, as well as to confirm that she has not told anyone that name ever. She hasn’t uttered it once since she was found, and_ **_we_ ** _will not either. In any case, this all leads us to only one logical conclusion._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_This is him._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Yes. This is him. So, Steven, since we now know you’re a fan of the show, why don’t you go ahead and give us a call? We’ll even put you on the air. It seems like you believe you’re smarter than the rest of us, and perhaps that’s the case. With that in mind, I don’t see how any of this could be a problem. You get the attention you want, and we get to prove you wrong._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Open invitation._

* * *

* * *

Andrew rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans before he got out of the car. He only needed a few things - more clothes, his airpods he’d left on the table by the bed, King’s favorite treats that Bee hadn’t grabbed when they left. 

_That’s all this is._

But _still_ . He’d be with Neil in the apartment for the first time in what felt like forever, and it made him so fucking nervous for some reason. Maybe it was because for the first time in months, he felt clear headed. He’d gotten so adept at not feeling anything, at turning himself to _stone_ , that now he was feeling everything, and regret was at the top of that list. He could see every misstep he’d taken and every mistake he’d made. He could see every time he pushed Neil away, and every opportunity he had to talk to someone, but didn’t. 

He’d been reckless with Neil. He knew that now. 

Andrew finally stepped out and closed the door to the Mas, before slowly making his way to the apartment. He thought about what he might say to Neil and if he should tell him how he felt _okay_ , now - how he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

He lifted his hand to knock, but stopped short when he heard a man’s voice that wasn’t Neil's, talking inside. 

He listened for a moment. “...home with me. No strings, just a visit.”

 _Fucking Stuart -_ That sneaky fucking weasley _bastard_. Andrew shoved his key in the lock instead of knocking and swung the door open. 

“..told you I wasn’t sure - oh. Andrew…”

Neil’s eyes had gone wide and he looked between his uncle and him. Andrew narrowed his gaze on Stuart _fucking_ Hatford and could see the resemblance immediately. They were the same shade of brown, but where Neil was a goddamn wet dream made life with bright blue eyes and auburn hair and _that stupid fucking ear freckle_ , Stuart had brown hair and brown eyes. There was something about the shape of his jaw though and the tilt of his mouth that reminded Andrew of Neil though. He was his father made over, there was no denying it. But he had some of his mother in there, too, apparently. 

Stuart stood and put his hands in the pockets of the jeans he wore. He was trying to blend in, obviously, with a casual ensemble of jeans and a sweater. However, the cut and material were far too expensive to be anything other than rich. 

“Andrew,” Stuart said with a nod. “You have...” he looked around the small apartment, at all the books that didn’t quite fit on the shelves and the stuffed cat on the couch with an air of distaste, before looking back to him, “a _lovely_ home.”

“Thanks, Stu. It’s not whatever overpriced cave I’m sure you inhabit over by One Hyde, but it’s comfortable.” Andrew sounded a lot calmer than he felt. 

“I was just telling Stuart to _get the fuck out,_ ” Neil said between clenched teeth. Andrew spared just a second to note that Neil was wearing his hoodie.

“First,” Stuart said, addressing Andrew. “Don’t call me Stu. I killed the last man who did that with a letter opener, and it was _quite_ messy. Second, nephew,” he looked to Neil. “You keep refusing to give me an answer on the phone, so I thought a visit could help you decide. After all, I was just in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d just drop in.”

“You were _in the neighborhood_?” Neil asked, incredulous.

“The neighborhood of the country, yes. So, shall we sit and discuss travel plans?”

“No, you shall not,” Andrew said, sizing Stuart up and trying to figure out if he could realistically throw him out on his ass. He’d handled four men around the same size as him, but the likelihood was still slim. Not to mention, getting into a fight with a fucking mob boss probably wasn’t the best idea. He already had one family on his ass and he really didn’t need another. 

“You, too, of course! I know Nath- _Neil_ ,” Stuart corrected at a glare from Neil, “is overly fond of you for some reason. You’re welcome to come. No one will care that you’re bent you know.” He looked to Neil. “You have a cousin that shot out of his mother singing Liberace.”

“As disgusting as that sounds,” Andrew said, moving further into the room and closer to Neil, “I’m pretty sure he asked you to leave.”

Stuart looked between them, then settled his gaze on his nephew. “You were much more amenable on the phone. I assumed you’d realized what a waste of time _this_ one was,” he nodded towards Andrew, “but perhaps I was wrong. Either way, my offer stands. You’re both welcome to join me back in the UK. You don’t have to stay, just a visit. And then maybe we can talk about things.”

“I can decide what I want without you here, and I’m not ready to make a decision yet. Although, I’ve got to tell you, you’re making the choice extremely obvious.”

Stuart shook his head with a smile. He was handsome and charming and Andrew fucking _seethed_ with hatred. “So like her, you know? Mary was a spitfire. A free spirit. You’re all we have left of her.”

Andrew watched Neil look to the floor and hug himself a little tighter. 

Andrew spoke so he didn’t have to. “Yes, fine, fantastic. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. Now get the fuck out.”

Stuart walked slowly to the door and addressed Neil one last time before leaving. “I’m staying nearby if you change your mind.” 

Neil didn’t respond. 

As Stuart left and closed the door behind him, the tension in the air seemed to magnify.

Andrew met Neil’s gaze.

* * *

* * *

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And with that being said, here's where we’re at._

_We still believe he’s someone well known in his community, and that the ‘hotter you get, the colder you are’, may be in reference to that. In any case, we can’t be sure, but it’s an assumption we’re both working on, and working with._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Again, we still need whatever tips you all can send. No matter how trivial they seem. We’ll look into it either way._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Now, I just want to quickly go back to what I mentioned at the top of the episode about the team stepping in for me._

[ Deep breath ]

_I completely know what this can do not only for my image, but for how others may perceive me. But, for transparency’s sake, I get asks all the time from people who are going through something rough. I always feel strange answering them, because I have so little information on whatever the situation is - and also because I’m a terrible example of proper self care. I’ve proved that over the course of this case._

[ pause ]

_Because of some incidents in my past, this investigation has been incredibly triggering for me. Again, I’m only admitting this out of a sense of transparency. I feel like it’s only fair that you know I’ve had to take a step back._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_To take care of yourself._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_Yes... I’d been pushing everything aside and ignoring the growing need to seek some sort of outside help. It had come to a head when Haylie was taken, and long story short, I’ve been able to regularly see a therapist and get my head back on straight._

_I now feel confident that I can continue this investigation as I normally would. I always tell the people who send in those asks, to seek help and counseling, and in true hypocrite fashion, I didn’t do that until things got too far. So, to the team and especially to Neil, I want to say thank you. Dan, our fearless Cap’n, told me to get my shit together before stepping foot back in her studio, and for that I’m still offended and grateful. Neil wrote this week's episode and recorded it by himself._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_It was shit._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

[ laughs ]

_It wasn’t shit. We just decided to re-record once we got the email and further evidence. It’s why this episode was so delayed, and to you, the listeners, I’m sorry for that._

[ breath ]

_But, I’m back._

_I’m here and present and feeling mentally strong again._

_If any of you are struggling right now, I implore you to look into services. Therapy is a privilege not everyone has access to or can afford, and I realize how incredibly fortunate I am. If you’re in school, there should be services for you. Sometimes local libraries even provide resources. Just take care of yourself. I stopped and it cost me more than I could afford, and I don’t mean financially._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

[ low, serious ]

_We’re glad you’re back. You’re the soul of this podcast. We really can’t do it without you._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_You could, I have no doubt. If I’m the soul, then you’re it’s beating heart. But I’m glad to be involved._

_We’ll leave you with that, listeners. We’ll try not to be too long in between episodes, and we’ll keep you updated on any leads. In the meantime, don’t forget to send any tips or even ideas if you have them, to_ [ _foxholenetwork@gmail.com_ ](mailto:foxholenetwork@gmail.com) _,_ [ _njosten.foxhole@gmail.com_ ](mailto:njosten.foxhole@gmail.com) _, or even just in the ask box on the website. Any help is appreciated._

**_Neil Josten:_ **

_Until then, Keep Searching._

**_Andrew Minyard:_ **

_And take care of yourselves._

* * *

* * *

“You can get your stuff,” Neil said quietly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know he was going to come here.”

Andrew didn’t move. “Are you going to go?” 

He was trying so fucking hard to keep it together, Neil could see. His cheeks were flushed and his chest moved heavily when he breathed. 

Neil sighed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he said, still quiet and even, not wanting to betray the roil of emotion behind his words. “I told you when this was over, I didn’t want to stay in Palmetto.”

“And I asked you if there was no hope.”

“ _Don’t_ ,” he warned. “You can't come in here and do that to me. You think I don’t want to just tell you to fucking stay here with me? To forget everything and fuck the songs, and the plate, and just go back to how it was? It _can’t_ go back, Andrew.”

Andrew took a step towards him and he was so close, Neil could see the freckle at the bottom of that _honey_ iris in his left eye. “I know...” Andrew breathed. “I know it can’t, and you’re right. But don’t _leave_ .” He went to take one of Neil’s hands, but stopped halfway. After clear deliberation, he dropped his hand and cracked his pinky instead. Neil felt the meaning and it - “Don’t leave when this is over. I fucking hate therapy, but I can _finally_ see clearly... I can finally see where I went wrong, and I swear to fucking god Neil, the sound of that door,” he pointed to the front door, “slamming shut when you left, was the worst sound I’ve ever heard in my life.”

_Breathe in_

Breathe out

Neil sucked in a breath and swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to say, or where to go, or what to do. He just looked at Andrew - at the face he knew better than his own; the lips and the cheekbones and the freckles that dotted just over his nose and chin -

“Don’t tell me you don’t feel this,” Andrew said quietly, a desperation in his voice Neil had never heard from him before. “This thing that - even when we’re apart, it’s there! It’s like theres a fucking _thing_ that tethers us, and the farther away we are, the tighter it gets - but it never snaps. It will _never_ fucking snap for me because you were _right_ , Neil. This? This is fucking _fate_ and -” Andrew took a deep breath, his lips open to say more, but nothing came.

Neil wanted to cry, because he was angry. He wanted to cry for those two boys at the Grand Canyon who’d been through unimaginable hurt, only to grow up and be the ones to hurt _each other._ He wanted to cry because Andrew was right. He knew and he hated it because _this_ was something he couldn’t deny and he never fucking _wanted_ to. 

He looked away, unprepared for this conversation. Unprepared any of this _._ “The truth is, I don’t know if we can find our way back from this.”

He started to turn away, but Andrew grabbed his sleeve. 

“That’s not the _truth_ ,” He said fiercely, his honey eyes turning gold with a fire that Neil felt right in his chest. “Truth is irrefutable and untainted by bias. Sunrise, Abram, death: these are truths. Me and you? _That_ is truth.”

“You can’t _say_ shit like that!” Neil was suddenly furious. This was so fucking hard and all Neil wanted to do was give Andrew the space to heal himself, and give _himself_ the space to not feel like he was missing something critical from inside his body in the wake of losing _him_. Neil continued, “You can’t do shit like 'defend my honor' to Jack and get rid of my uncle, and tell me about truths and expect me to just be okay!”

“It’s _not_ fucking okay!” Andrew yelled back. “I _know_ that! I wouldn’t even be here, saying this shit, if I didn’t think I was in a space where I could be with you in a healthy way! I’ve been working my ass off and I’m sorry - I’m _so fucking sorry_ , Neil. I will get on my fucking knees right here and tell you again and again and a-fucking-gain if it means you’ll believe me-”

Neil balled his fists and pressed his lips together. That wasn’t right, _this_ wasn’t right. Nothing about any of this was right because Andrew _shouldn’t_ have to get on his knees for _anyone_ and _Neil_ shouldn’t feel like he was just denying _this_ because of some sort of fucking _fear_ that he couldn’t even fucking properly place and - 

And then he lost it. 

“No one asked you.” With that, Neil pulled his sleeve from Andrew’s grasp, caught his face in his hands, and leaned in. 

It had been so long. It had been so _fucking_ long since they had this - since that night before everything went to shit and Andrew had Neil pressed into the mattress of Matt’s guest bedroom. 

This was different though. Their very first kiss had been one of survival with a dead body nearby - it had been a need to remind themselves that they were still alive and

This was nothing like that. 

Neil felt like his entire word stopped and started with Andrew’s mouth, and he was powerless from wanting to defend himself against the pull of _him._

Of _fate_. 

But he had to... Because some part of him recognized that he still needed to be careful with himself. With Andrew. 

With a strength he didn’t even know he possessed, Neil pulled himself back. Panting, he closed his eyes and put his fingers on his lips, like he could smooth away the feel of Andrew’s mouth. 

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he whispered. “I should’ve asked. I won’t be like them.”

“Stop talking.”

And then Andrew kissed him.

And _then_ , they were connected again and somehow, Neil had been pushed up against a wall. 

Somehow, with Andrew’s mouth on his neck and Neil’s fingers again in his hair he’d managed to get out, “It’s only been three weeks -”

“It’s been fucking forever,” Andrew responded against his skin, and Neil couldn’t really argue with that. 

So, he didn’t.

* * *

* * *

[ Outro ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is.  
> We hope you liked this chapter as much as we do. It was a long one, but I think we can confidently say that it is (again) one of our favorites. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3 thank you again to everyone who commented on last chapter! we hope we fixed things for you in this one ^^
> 
> So, a lot happened, a lot is going to happen, and we hope to get back to regularly posting again!! 
> 
> We love you all! Heres a WIP of the playlist we're currently working on, complete with all the twitter songs in the order they were posted! The final will be posted on the rrp tumblr and we'll update yall with it next chapter. But for now, [here it is](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4QVYkMWMwFYvfmcKL4rooO?si=XClwsPUTQFitLkdguyjQuw) for yall to listen to while you read! :) It's a spotify playlist, but the final will also have a youtube playlist for those you who don't have/use spotify!
> 
> As always, keep up with us on our social medias  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> And if you would like to be involved in this season, please send your emails to foxholenetwork@gmail.com and njosten.foxhole@gmail.com!!!! One already helped change the course of this season and maybe yours can do!
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!


	7. Audio Notes #4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Contact._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a good 4-5 days late, but here is the next chapter nonetheless! This was... a wild ride to write. There are some really fucking good, warm moments, and then some not so good moments. But that's just Red Rabbits lol. We hope you like it! There are a few triggers to note:
> 
> brief, non-explicit sexual content  
> Ridiculous fluff  
> Anything having to do with Steven  
> Canon typical events  
> Use of a homophobic slur
> 
> I think thats it...? I'm pretty sure that's it but if there's anything we missed, please let us know! 
> 
> Alright, onto the chapter :)

Andrew’s skin stuck to the floor. 

He was sticky with sweat and the hardwood under his back grew increasingly more uncomfortable, but he didn’t dare move. 

Neil laid next to him equally as sticky and sweaty, his head on Andrew’s chest and face buried in his neck. 

“That escalated quickly,” he mumbled and Andrew smiled - _really_ smiled. It felt odd on his face so he smothered it in Neil’s hair. 

In their desperation, they hadn’t made it to the bed. Between fighting kisses and burning touches, there was no hope as they said everything they’d been wanting to say but hadn’t; letting out frustrations they’d both been trying to quell.

In the end, it was no use trying to hide _it_ when they were pressed together. 

Andrew had told Neil he’d get on his knees for him. It turned out he’d done just that. 

Neil shivered and Andrew reached for his hoodie that Neil had been wearing before it was carelessly discarded. He wrapped it over Neil’s shoulders before laying his head back on the floor. 

“We could just go to bed, you know.”

“Mmm, too far,” Andrew murmured and pulled Neil a little closer. 

He missed this. _Him._ He knew he did, but he hadn’t realized how much until this very moment. Honestly, the relief of having Neil in his arms was staggering.

“We should talk,” Neil said, drawing a line from neck to navel. “Without it turning into heavy petting and blowjobs.”

“But I _like_ heavy petting and blow jobs.”

Neil laughed and the sound was _everything_ . He _did not smile_ as Neil leaned his head back to kiss him behind the ear and continued. “I do too, but I don’t want to leave this. We put off talking last time and look how it ended...”

Andrew sighed because he knew he was right. As much as he wanted to bask in this post sex haze, he knew they had to be clear on where they stood. 

Andrew finally rose and pulled Neil to his feet, admiring him wearing nothing but his hoodie. When Neil turned to walk towards the bathroom, the very bottom of his ass became visible and Andrew had to forcibly tear his eyes away and take a deep breath. 

_Talking. We’re supposed to be talking._

They rinsed off together in the shower, keeping their hands to themselves and sat on their bed with wet hair and blankets wrapped around them. Sir came to settle between them and sat looking at Neil meowing. Andrew thought she was demanding to know where King was. Neil scooped her into his lap and petted her until she quieted. 

They talked for hours about everything and nothing - what happened three weeks ago, but also what happened when they were kids. They talked about sitting in the snack shack and how Neil was the first boy Andrew had ever crushed on. They talked about how Andrew was the first person Neil felt truly sorry for having to lie to and leave to, presumably, never see again.

They ordered chinese food and ate in bed until it grew dark, and when Bee texted Andrew to make sure he was okay since he told her he’d be back hours ago, he’d just responded, _‘I’m fine. With Neil.’_

She sent back a purple heart.

When the takeout boxes were left empty and forgotten on the bedside tables, and when Andrew realized how heavy his eyes were, Neil sat up from where he’d been lying down with purpose. So, Andrew followed and sat in front of him, waiting.

“I don’t know what this means,” Neil eventually said.

“What do you want it to mean?”

“I want to be with you. I’ve already told you that. But I don’t want to jump the gun on this. I meant it when I said I don’t think I can handle it happening again.”

Andrew reached a hand over to Sir where she had immediately taken her place in Neil’s lap again and scratched under her chin. 

_‘I want to be with you.’_

_‘I don’t think I can handle it happening again.’_

Andrew didn’t think he could either. He’d been close - so close - to tipping over the edge when Bee had found him, and he didn’t know what would’ve happened if he’d been left by himself.

“Thank you for calling Bee.”

Neil shrugged. “I was worried when Dan said you didn’t come in.”

~~_I wasn’t okay._ ~~

_Say it._

“I wasn’t okay.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have left. Every time I think about it, I hate myself for leaving you here. Alone.”

Andrew shook his head. “I told you to leave. What else could you have done?” He lifted his chin to look Neil in the eyes. Icy blue felt so warm at that moment. “I meant it Neil...” he confessed. “As much as I fucking hate it, I meant it in that moment. I wanted you out because I _knew_ what I was doing to you. It wasn’t right and I was trying not to be selfish. Besides, that was the catalyst for me getting help. If you had stayed and kept letting me treat you like shit, who knows how long it would’ve gone on. That’s not good. It was toxic.”

Neil paused this time and bit the inside of his lip. As if deciding something in his head, he sighed and nodded. “I know you’re right. I still feel like shit about it. I just... don’t want it to happen again.”

_‘Happen again’, again, again -_

Could he promise Neil forever? Is that even what he was asking here? Because he wanted to. ~~_I want to_ ~~. He wanted to tell Neil he was never leaving, and that they would grow old and die together - that they’d be adorable tiny gay men in a nursing home somewhere, that still argued over music, and slapped each other on the ass when the other walked by. 

~~_But_ ~~

_But_ he took his promises seriously. And as much as he wanted to believe in that future, the hurt of the past few weeks was too fresh to hold onto it too tightly. 

“Would you really have gone with Stuart?” he asked instead.

Neil looked down at Sir, running his hand from the top of her head, to the tip of her tail. “I don’t know... I know it sounds crazy, but you have to understand my point of view. You brought me here and gave me a family - you gave me a life and friends and freedom. You gave me a key and called it home.” He let out a long sigh. “I’ve never had that before and the thought of never having it again is fucking soul crushing. I guess I just figured the Hatfords _are_ my family. I was desperate not to lose what I have, I guess.”

_‘the thought of never having it again is fucking soul crushing’_

Andrew took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t risk being with you again if I didn’t think things would be different. I’m not _better_ and to be honest? I probably wont ever _be_ better. I’ve spent my entire life dealing with my shit by myself because that’s just how it was. I’ve avoided relationships because I never trusted anyone with my baggage and I didn’t think it’d be fair to pile it on someone anyway. So when it comes to talking about shit - I’m not used to that. Bee was the only person I’d ever told everything to, and she doesn’t even know all of it.”

“I know that,” Neil said, leaning forward as if to show Andrew how much he actually understood. If that was the case, Andrew believed him. “I know you, Andrew. I would never force you to talk about something you don’t want to. That’s not what I’m trying to do. _But_ , I need you to work with me, and if not me, someone else. Don’t take it out on me when you’re going through shit that neither of us can control. It’s not fair and it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong and I can’t fix it.”

“You’re right. I know.”

“You have to keep going to therapy.”

“That was the plan.”

“And you have to stop smoking again. Taking care of yourself means all of yourself, and smoking isn’t that.”

Andrew bit his lip ring and looked down at the black on his nails that he’d chipped away during his last cigarette. He didn’t want to stop smoking. He loved it - the buzz of nicotine and the ache of his lungs... 

But he’d promised Neil months ago and he’d broken that promise. 

“Okay.”

Neil lifted a hand to Andrew’s jaw and leaned closer to kiss him. Sir meowed between them, but Andrew couldn’t really hear her as Neil’s lips met his. It was a soft kiss - addicting in a way the cigarettes never were. He had to refrain from leaning in for more. 

Neil pulled back anyway, whispering, “I want to trust you.”

Andrew felt himself take a shaky breath, feeling drunk on the skin to skin contact and the gentleness of Neil’s kiss. It spoke of wanting to care for him, and that was almost more than Andrew could take. 

“You can.”

Neil watched him for a long moment with assessing eyes, before he leaned back and held up a pinky. Andrew couldn’t smother the smile away this time. He held up his own and wrapped it around Neil’s. 

“Promise me things will be different. Promise me you’ll keep getting help and you’ll listen if I tell you you’re not being fair to me,” _Honey and ice -_ “I promise I’ll help you as much as you let me. I want to be here for you.”

Andrew squeezed Neil’s pinky tighter with his own. “I promise. Never again.”

There was only one thing left to do. As one, they leaned forward, eyes meeting, and pressed their lips to their fists. 

_And for one short second, their eyes locked. It wasn’t from either side of the shack, or in the open where people could see. No, they locked inches away and Andrew felt them breathe the same breath._

_Light filtered in through the wide window above and caught Alex just so. The blue, it was so - and... and though he was certain he’d never seen that color before, it was something else that took that shared breath away. That something was a reflection of a_ **_thing_ ** _Andrew couldn’t explain, yet understood deeper than he would ever admit._

 _Alex’s eyes widened like he saw it,_ ~~_felt it_ ~~ _~~,~~ too. _

_Seconds suspended_

_Time stopped_

_Andrew felt like he couldn’t pull away if he tried and Alex?_

_He looked like he couldn’t either._

_He still takes my breath away._

They lowered their hands and came closer still - foreheads touching and noses barely brushing. 

“It’s you and me,” Neil whispered.

“You and me.”

* * *

On Sunday morning, Neil didn’t want to get out of bed... His _own_ bed. With _his_ cat and his cold feet tucked under ~~_his_ ~~ Andrew’s calves. Not even the lure of a run could get him to move. When he started to open his eyes, Andrew shifted and with an arm around his waist, pulled him into his chest. 

Neil smiled and firmly shut his eyes again. 

-

The next time he opened them, he was alone. Sitting up in confusion, he wondered for a moment if yesterday and the night before had been a dream. However, the smell of food and coffee was definitely real and Neil gave a relieved sigh before flopping back onto the pillows. 

_The ceiling fan needs to be dusted_ , Neil idly thought, staring up above. 

Andrew would make him do it, claiming the three inches he had on him had to be good for _something_. 

Neil would laugh and do it, and life would go on. 

_Is that where we are now?_

They were back together, based on their conversation. But, Neil still felt a bit off kilter - like he didn’t dare believe it was real just yet. 

“Are you done pretending to sleep?” Andrew called from the kitchen. “The food will be cold by the time you drag your lazy ass in here.”

Neil bit back a smile and finally got out of bed, throwing Andrew’s hoodie (which was now _his_ hoodie) over his bare shoulders before padding towards the kitchen. 

As he turned the corner, Andrew had his back to him. Shirtless and wearing a pair of old nike sweats that hung off his hips, Neil lamented once again about the weight Andrew had lost these past few weeks. He was still gorgeous, of course - back still toned and pale, and Neil liked the way his shoulder blades moved beneath his skin as he cooked. But there was an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach... An instinct almost to fatten him up. Neil didn’t really know what to do with it. 

Anyway, it was only when Andrew turned that Neil realized he had his hair pulled back with a rubber band. It wasn’t quite a bun and it wasn’t really a ponytail, but whatever it was, it was fucking hot. 

Neil raised a brow and Andrew pointed an egg covered spatula at him. “Not a word.”

“But-”

“Nope. I’m getting a haircut today.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Oh?” Andrew asked, a smile curling the corner of his lips. “Like my ‘ _I’m too miserable to get a proper haircut_ ’ hair?”

Neil shook his head, still looking. “Fuck me... but I really do. Is that wrong?” he asked, sliding into one of the barstools at the counter. “I knew it had gotten long-”

“Yeah, I seem to recall a shaky, _‘fuck Andrew, your hair is so long-’_ as you gripped a handfull of it while I was on my knees.”

“Hey!” Neil gasped, feigning outrage. “It was _not_ shaky. I was completely cool and not about to fucking lose it.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and leaned over the counter for a kiss. “Good morning,” he murmured once it broke.

“Good morning.”

Andrew withdrew and turned back to the eggs. “So, I was going to go get King from Bee’s…”

Neil had stood again to pull his favorite fox mug from the cabinet when Andrew trailed off. He started to pour his coffee before realizing Andrew stopped talking. 

“Uh huh…”

Shrugging, Andrew turned the burner off and moved the pan so the eggs didn’t burn. It took him a few moments of fishing for plates before he found his words again. “I know we talked last night, but I didn’t want to presume. If you’re not ready to live together again, I’d understand. We don’t have to jump right back in.”

_Ah._

Neil stalled for time by adding just a splash of milk to his mug. He stirred, letting the _clink clink clink_ of his spoon against ceramic fill the silence. 

Honestly, he was ready. He was fucking _hungry_ to be back in this apartment with Andrew again. But he owed it to himself and to Andrew to take the question seriously. 

“What do you think?” he asked, taking a sip of his coffee and holding the spoon to the side with his pointer finger. 

Andrew tilted his head and studied him. “I think it’s weird that you leave your spoon in your mug like it’s Nesquik.”

Neil furrowed his brow. “What the fuck is Nesquik?”

Andrew sighed and shook his head. “The depths of deprivation you endured as a child truly knows no bounds.”

Neil smiled and took another sip as his chest filled with warmth. He missed this stupid back and forth. It felt good and familiar and like _home_ . “I like that you leave your spoon by the pot when you’re done making your cup. That’s _my_ spoon now. I just like having it in my mug.”

Andrew gave him a look of such exasperated fondness and Neil just smiled bigger. “You...” He started and shook his head. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“You didn’t answer mine either. I asked what you thought. This isn’t just up to me.”

Neil waited for him to roll his eyes, but he didn’t. Instead, he started heaping food onto plates, covering Neil’s pancakes in fresh strawberries instead of syrup. Then, 

“I would like to be here again,” he finally said. “I believe I’m in a space where I won’t jeopardize the both of us, and I feel good about being able to articulate if I need space.”

Neil just stared at him before responding. “Did you practice that in the mirror?”

“Three times,” Andrew replied, handing Neil his plate. “How was it?”

“Very good. A convincing argument.”

They made their way into the living room and sat on the couch, holding their plates and facing each other. _We should really get a dining room table..._ Andrew never gave a fuck about such things, but Neil thought about it every time they ate on a surface not meant for eating. 

“I’m not trying to convince you or argue,” Andrew continued. “I’m just telling you where I’m at. If you need convincing, then it’s not something you’re ready for and that’s fine.”

Neil popped a strawberry in his mouth and chewed. “While I appreciate that, I do want to be back here with you. I hate being somewhere else and I hate being here alone. My feet are so cold.”

“Well, I can’t really argue with that, can I?”

“You could, but I wouldn’t.”

-

After they ate, they headed to Bee’s to pick up King and everything Andrew had left over there. Neil was afraid it would be awkward. Well, more awkward than he usually made it. He just didn’t know if Bee would hate him after everything that happened...

But,

She was just as pleasant as always - letting him in with a smile and collecting King’s things while Neil followed Andrew to his small bedroom to pack what few things he’d brought with him. 

Neil was busy shoving clothes from a laundry basket and into a bag when he stopped to pull out a shirt he’d never seen. Staring at it in confusion for a moment, he set it aside and pulled out a pair of very small looking black jeans with rips going from the knees all the way up the thighs.

“Andrew?”

He heard him, felt his presence behind him, but he didn’t turn. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the pants as his heart beat against his ribs and it fucking _ached_ because -

“Those are old clothes. They stay here.” Andrew took the shirt from where Neil had set it on the bed and threw it in the closet, tossing the pants behind it. 

“But...” _but but but,_ “why are they with your laundry? Those are club clothes…”

Rather than reply, Andrew just sat on the bed and looked at his hands. Neil felt light headed, so he sat on the chair at Andrew’s desk, trying to convince himself that the intrusive thoughts inside his head were just that. Intrusive. And yet, he was 100% certain Andrew was about to tell him he’d hooked up with someone at Eden’s while they were apart, and he didn’t really know how he was supposed to fucking feel. He guessed they technically hadn’t been together... They were broken up and Andrew didn’t really owe him any sort of loyalty then, did he?

 _No..._ **_No_ ** _. No?_

No, he supposed he didn’t and yet -

He _did_ know that he felt like he was going to fucking pass out. 

“I went to Eden’s,” Andrew started and Neil covered his face with his hands.

“Oh my god,” he tried to take a deep breath and slow the pounding of his head. “Did... did you hook up with someone? Is that what you’re about to tell me? Because if you are, you really should’ve told me this before we got back together.” His voice was shaking. Or he thought it was. Neil was trying to stay calm though, trying not to raise his voice and 

He dropped his hands and looked at Andrew, whose eyes went wide and mouth opened,

“No! Jesus, Neil,” He shook his head and scooted further to the edge of the bed. “You really think I’d keep that from you? After all the shit we’ve been through the past three weeks?”

Neil inhaled a deep breath. _Thank fuck. Thank_ **_fucking_ ** _fuck_. 

“So you didn’t go to Eden’s to hook up with someone?”

Andrew shifted uncomfortably and gripped his hands together between his knees. “No, I... I did. It was the day I realized you blocked me and I was just so fucked up and angry - I told myself I just wanted to forget for a night.”

Neil crossed his arms, held his breath, and clenched his jaw. “Guess you struck out.”

“No. I didn’t go inside.” Neil had so many things he wanted to say, but he remained quiet and waited for more of an explanation as he forced himself to _breathe in, breathe out_ . Meanwhile, Andrew pushed his glasses up to rub his eyes and sighed before placing them back on his nose. “I drove all the way there, determined to just drink and find someone to forget with. I got as far as the parking lot before my brain actually caught up with me, and I realized what an idiot I was being. Just the thought of touching anyone else... Anyone but you -” he shook his head at the memory, eyes closing and lips sighing. “It felt _wrong_. I’ve come so far and part of it is your fault I’m where I am. Having honest conversations and expressing actual emotion?” He opened his eyes. “It’s fucking exhausting. Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Neil replied, feeling his lungs expanding and contracting a lot easier as his heart rate lowered. “So you went there with the intent to get off with someone and chickened out last minute?”

Andrew’s jaw ticked and Neil raised a brow. “I wouldn’t say I chickened out. I would say I came to my senses.” It wasn’t in defense. It was honest. Andrew wanted Neil to understand and by fuck, Neil did. He may not understand the impulse, but he got what Andrew was trying to express and it - “I don’t want anyone but you, Neil. And forcing myself to be with someone else wouldn’t change that. I made an appointment with the therapist the next morning.”

Neil dropped his arms from his chest and played with a hole in his jeans. Chewing on the inside of his lip, he wore at the loose threads and admitted, “I guess I wouldn’t really have a right to be pissed if you had. We weren’t together.”

“No,” Andrew said, standing and cracking his pinky. “We weren’t. But I can’t even imagine how I would feel if you had been with someone while we were apart. Sex used to just be... sex. Sex was sex was sex, and it never equated emotion for me. Not before _you_.” 

He held out a hand and Neil took it without hesitation, letting Andrew pull him up. He still felt a bit shaky, still wondered if there was anything else that would be dropped on him without warning. But Andrew’s hand was warm and solid and _home_ again, and Neil thought if there _was_ anything else, they would be able to handle it together. They were always better together. 

“Come on,” Andrew said, grabbing his duffel from the bed. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

Sunday night, Andrew walked hand in hand with Neil into the tower to see what the fuck Seth’s problem was. 

“I still don’t know why he couldn’t just tell us over text. Why drag us all down here?” he grumbled.

Neil shrugged and squeezed his hand. “Don’t know, but it must be important for him to call a meeting on an off-Sunday night.”

Andrew sighed and pulled open the door to TFN. He and Neil made their way through to the lounge where he could already hear the team chatting and TV going. 

However, when they came into view, the room froze. Andrew was confused for half a second before he realized that they’d arrived together holding hands. He heard Neil mutter an ‘ _oops_ ’ behind him.

Before he could open his mouth to say anything, the room broke out in applause. Seth started it ~~of course~~ ~~,~~ standing and clapping loudly while nodding his head in approval. Everyone else had joined in immediately - fuck, even Lloyd who was slower to stand, was clapping and fucking grinning. Dan let out a loud whistle and as annoyed as Andrew wanted to be, he could hear Neil laugh behind him and he really couldn’t be mad at that. 

“Okay, assholes,” he said, letting go of Neil to walk further into the room. “We get it.”

“I don’t think you do,” Seth sniffled, wiping a fake, or real (you never knew with him) tear from his eye. “My dads are back... the cosmos have aligned and the world is right again...”

“Honestly, you two really had to put us through the ringer, huh?” Dan asked, pushing Lloyd onto the couch so she could sit on top of him like there wasn’t enough couch for all of them plus ten. “All of that?” She waved a red tipped hand between them. “Was too much angst, okay? You’re fighting and you’re pining and you’re breaking up and you love each other so goddamn much it makes the rest of us nauseous to be in your general vicinity. But you couldn’t just be together. No. That’s too _easy_. Gotta have us all on the edge of our seats, just waiting for our - what did you keep calling them?” Dan turned her attention quickly to Seth. 

“OTP.”

She snapped her fingers, “Right,” then looked back to them. “OTP to get their heads out of their asses.”

“What’s an OTP?” Neil asked. Andrew sighed. 

“One true pairing. I ship the fuck outta y’all, so thank god the war has ended. I’ve been _so_ stressed and it’s fucking horrible for my skin,” Seth lamented.

Andrew and Neil found a bit of couch to sit on, and Andrew crossed an ankle over a knee, giving Seth a pitying look. “I’m so sorry that _my_ relationship affected you so deeply. That must have been very hard for you.”

“It was, don’t pull that shit again.”

Before Andrew could fling a sharp barbed retort, Neil cut him off. “Why are we even here? We promised the cats we’d hang out tonight and they’re furious.”

Seth’s eyes widened, “Right! Right. I need to show you all something.” He pulled out his phone and Andrew narrowed his eyes. Seth was trying hard to bite back a smile, but not quite managing it. 

“IT’S ALLI. LOOK. AT. HER.” He held up his phone and what Andrew assumed was a picture of Reynolds. “SHE’S AT THE OSCARS WITH MY MAN AND Y’ALL HAVE TO HELP ME LOOK FOR THEM.”

He gestured wildly towards the TV and Andrew belatedly realized it was the Oscars Red Carpet playing in the background. “Seth. You said it was import-”

“Y’all got played. I’m not sorry.” He reached behind the couch and after a bit of leverage, picked up a big bowl of popcorn before sitting back down. “Here. I made popcorn. Now you have to stay.”

Robin laughed when Seth scooted down the couch, dropping popcorn on the way, and wrapped an arm loosely around her neck to bring her close and show her the picture. Robin gasped while Dan held out her hand to see, and Andrew was just fucking astonished. 

“Are we all just fine with Seth’s dumb ass calling us here for an Oscar’s watch party? Are you kidding me?” He started to stand. “I’m not staying here for this.” But Neil pulled him back down. 

“Hey. I know you’re very grumpy and important, but let’s stay. I’ve missed being able to hang out with everyone together and it not being excruciatingly awkward.”

Andrew pressed his lips together because he knew Neil won as soon as he’d opened his mouth. Andrew obviously wasn’t going to argue. He was going to give Neil what he wanted because he’s become an absolutely, unbelievable, mother fucking sap. 

Andrew leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine. But I’m going to hate it the whole time.”

Neil patted his arm. “I know, dear.”

It turned out to not be so bad. Robin was elated to see them back together and she gave them both hugs to prove it. Andrew tried bringing up the case just once and shut up the moment Robin shook her head. 

“None of that tonight. Let’s just... be normal people, hanging out and having fun for a night.”

Andrew couldn’t really argue with that either.

He was busy watching Neil watch Janelle Monae and Billy Porter perform _I’m Still Standing_ and singing along like an idiot, when Seth sat next to him. 

“I know you don’t know it, but you’re smiling like Tom Holland just walked in here and said you have a nice ass.”

Andrew’s face dropped immediately. “No I’m fucking not.”

“You right. You smiling like you’re watching the man you love make an idiot of himself over his terrible taste in music and you’re just happy that he’s happy.”

Andrew shifted uncomfortably ~~but didn’t deny it~~ ~~.~~ “What do you want, Seth?”

“To tell you I told you so?”

Andrew shot him a scathing look. He hadn’t forgotten Seth’s little speech on the train about not letting Neil go. He hadn’t forgotten anything, unfortunately. But that didn’t mean he was okay with being reminded of it. 

“Try again.”

Seth sighed dramatically, but dropped the act. Which was a rare occurrence for him - especially these days. Andrew knew these cases hit hard for him. He was the biggest empath Andrew had ever seen, and he loved to borrow hurt. Andrew sometimes thought it was why it was so easy for him to slip into addiction. He had a hard enough time with his own emotions, he couldn’t imagine concerning himself with everyone else’s.

Except Neil’s. 

_And maybe Bee’s._

“Okay, here’s the thing. Dion wants to move in together.”

“And?”

“And?” Seth said, waving his hands. “And what the fuck am I supposed to do?” He was panicking, Andrew surmised and he had to admit he was surprised. The way those two had been carrying on, he’d expected a wedding announcement any day now.

“How the fuck should I know? I’m not in your relationship, _thank fucking god_.” 

“Ugh, that’s the point though, see? I’ve talked to everyone in this room about it but you, and you’re the only one I trust to tell me I’m insane if I’m insane. You used to do that shit in college and it made me so fucking mad, but you weren’t wrong.”

No. He wasn’t. Back then, people would either suck up to Seth, wanting to be close to the life of the party, or tip toe around him to avoid some immature insult. Andrew would do neither, but that didn’t mean it made him immune to Seth’s ill placed and tactless attacks. 

_‘Shut up, faggot. No one asked you.’_

Seth had sat on the couch across from him in almost the same exact place they sat now. The memory rose straight to the forefront of Andrews mind. He remembered the dull rage roiling in his stomach, and the exhaustion of having to deal with one of Seth’s stupid insults again. He remembered fighting the roll of his eyes and deciding that taking the brunt of Seth’s clear, fragile hurt, was finally enough.

_Brushing him off wasn’t working. Maybe this would._

_So, Andrew had leaned forward and felt cool resolve wash over him. No smile, no glare, no nothing. He cracked his pinky at the twinge of something ringing in the back of his mind, and pinned Seth to the spot with a look as a heavy silence fell around the room._

‘ _One day, Seth, you’re going to look around and everyone is going to turn their backs on you. You’re going to be alone, in an alley, with a needle in your arm and you won’t have anyone to blame but yourself. All that internalized self hate? It’s going to eat you alive, and I’m going to laugh when it does.’_

Things changed after that. Either because Seth was terrified of his own mortality, or he was scared of Andrew himself, he didn’t really know. But over the years they’d somehow forged a kind of not... friendship, but camaraderie? No, that sounded gross. _Understanding_ , really. Once a homophobic dick, Seth had become someone that Andrew could begrudgingly depend on if need be. It was an odd thing. 

It was also why Andrew decided to listen. 

“I’m very seldom wrong. I still don’t know how I’m supposed to help you though,” he said, eyes inevitably falling on Neil laughing across the room. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of it, debating whether or not to make it his lock screen when Seth snapped his fingers in front of his face. 

“Earth to lover boy, just fucking _listen_ for fuck’s sake. The quicker you do, the faster I’ll leave you alone.”

Andrew sighed and put his phone away, turning his full attention towards Seth. “You have five minutes. Go.”

“Okay, so it’s like this. I fucking love Dion more than I’ve ever loved a person in my life that wasn’t family, and that includes Harmen.” Andrew nodded. He knew the very vaguest details about Harmen (besides who he was in college), but he’d filled in the blanks over the years. “But, and big but, he wants to come to Palmetto because he knows the Miami scene is too tempting. I’d make a fucking killing DJing down there and doing entertainment shit, but the partying isn’t exactly good for a recovering addict. I’d be willing to risk it, but he’s not. So, he wants to come here - to boring fucking Palmetto and maybe start his own party planning business in Columbia, and still help Alli when he can. Now, do I want that? Yes, I fucking want it. Should I have it? I don’t fucking know. What if he gets here and he hates it?” Seth wasn’t looking at him anymore. Instead, his eyes were trained at some space in the distance, either talking to himself or to him, Andrew didn’t know. But, the five minutes weren’t up, so he continued listening to the quick words spilling out of his mouth and tried to keep up. “What if he gets here and he hates it? What if Palmetto is too small and southern and boring? What if he hates how much I have to work to get all my shit done? What if I get sick and he sees what a fucking baby I am and decides I’m not worth the trouble? What if -”

Okay. Enough. 

“Stop. Just... fucking stop.” Andrew finally held up a hand to cut him off. He’d go on all fucking night if Andrew let him. Luckily, Seth stopped and pressed his lips together like he was physically trying to hold it all in. Andrew sighed and rubbed his forehead. “First of all, you do know he wants to be here to take care of you, right?”

Seth smiled a little. “I know.”

“Are you willing to be taken care of - what am I saying, of course you are. I think the fact that he wants to come here because he sees how hard this case is on you is a fine reason. He already knows how boring and southern Palmetto is. It's not like he’s never been here. And if he comes and it all goes to shit, you know what? Great.”

“Um-”

“Because then you’ll know. You’re stupid over this fucking guy. You’re _always_ fucking stupid, but I’ve never seen you as stupid as you are when you’re around him.”

Seth’s eyes were suspiciously shiny. “Thank you so much.”

“Yeah,” Andrew continued. “So if he comes here and he moves in, and you realize you’re not good at living together? Cool. Great. Now you know. You don’t have to keep wasting time on something you know isn’t going to work long term. If he moves up here and it works, then you’ll be starting the rest of your lives. Either way, you know and either way you can move onto something else, or something bigger.”

Seth sniffed. “You say that like you didn’t just go through a break up that almost fucking killed you.”

Andrew shrugged and tried not to let Seth see how close to the mark that hit. He _did not_ clear his throat, or fidget, or look to Neil just to make sure he was still there, still smiling, still okay **,** ~~still his~~ . “Yeah, well,” _focus._ “It didn’t. Neil and I moved in together immediately because we’re us and nothing has ever been simple with us. Even when we were kids. And somehow, it worked. Living together was never our issue. But if it had been, I think I would’ve been glad to know it sooner rather than later. Definitely before we spent years together, only to realize we weren’t compatible in the same space.”

 ~~_Compatible. Who the fuck are you?_ ~~ _Shut up._

Seth rubbed a finger over his lip, turning his eyes to watch the others as he thought. “See,” he eventually said. “This is why I came to you. You don’t mince words. Everyone else wanted to give me a bunch of fluff about it.”

“What did Neil say?” Andrew asked, curiosity winning over his need to end this conversation. 

“Said I should do it while looking about two seconds away from crying.”

_Okay. Conversation over._

Andrew grimaced and stood. “Good luck, I guess. Tell Dion he can’t redecorate the studio. I caught him with paint swatches last time he was here.”

Seth just smiled and waved Andrew away. 

Andrew used the extra height his boots gave him to come up behind Neil as he talked to Renee and place a soft kiss on the side of his neck. “Ready to go?” he murmured into his skin. 

Neil turned to face him and smiled _that smile_ \- the one that was just for _him_. It was soft and private, and Andrew kissed it before he could stop himself. It bloomed wider beneath his lips. 

Nothing _had_ ever been simple with them and Andrew was in too deep. He was fucking drowning in it... but now that they were on the other side of this fight - now that he held Neil here and had already let himself be vulnerable, he didn’t mind floating in it. Reaching up, he took Neil’s face in both his hands and rubbed his thumb over the beautiful scar on his cheek. Neil’s own hands came up to hold onto his wrists. He pulled away, but still held on, looking Andrew in the eye and finding something there that Andrew knew he couldn’t hide. 

Didn’t _want_ to hide.

_Not anymore._

“Yeah. I’m ready.”

* * *

Monday was a slow day. They spent it putting the finishing touches on the podcast so Seth could post it that night. Then, they went to lunch together, just the two of them. Things were good, but there was still a lingering wariness between them - something still _there_ that had the both of them protecting their weaker sides like they were afraid of another blow. 

“Do you think we should respond to the email?” Neil asked, stabbing his fork into the penne on his plate and spearing a thick piece of melted cheese with it. 

Andrew was busy concentrating on cutting his meatballs into the smallest bits he could manage and didn’t look up from his task when he answered, “I don’t know yet. Part of me wants to, just to keep him talking. But the other part knows that’s what he wants us to do. He _wants_ to play with us.” He took a tiny bite of meatball and looked up to Neil, smiling a little when he did. 

“What?”

“You have sauce on your chin.” Neil rolled his eyes and picked up his napkin, because _of course_ he had sauce on his chin. Honestly, he was just lucky he hadn’t worn a white shirt today. He’d end up looking like he’d gotten into a fucking fight with a very angry italian.

“Not there,” Andrew said. “Here.” He reached across the table and wiped the offending sauce with his thumb. Neil could feel the blood rush to his cheeks. He didn’t even know why. 

“Thanks,” Neil mumbled as Andrew sat back in his seat again. 

“Yeah. Anyway. I haven’t decided yet. Do you have an opinion?” 

“I haven’t decided, either.”

Just like Andrew, he was on the fence. He knew his father and Steven weren’t the same, but in his head he kept going back to Nathan over and over again. What would he do in that situation? Would he take the bait and slip up?

_No. He wouldn’t._

His father hadn’t lasted as long as he had by being careless. The only thing that actually fucked him over in the end was his need to ruin Neil and his mother. To him, that was more important than staying under the radar. 

Neil watched Andrew pick up another tiny bit of meatball and stick it in his mouth before speaking again. “You’re going to hate this idea,” he said, tapping his fork on his plate. 

Andrew waved his own fork at him. “I hate most ideas. Go.”

_Valid._

“What if... what if we weren’t the ones that responded? What if it was Robin?”

Andrew stared at him for a moment before taking a sip of water. He set his glass down and met Neil’s eyes. “You’re right. I hate that idea.” Then, “You really want me to suggest to Robin that she communicate directly with her abuser? You saw her reaction when we showed her the email.”

Neil had seen. Robin tried hard, too hard to stay calm. He thought that maybe sometimes she was trying to take a page out of Andrew’s book by keeping how deeply things cut her to herself. Her voice gave her away though, when she’d said, _‘Yes. That’s what he used to call me.’_ She stayed with Dan that night. 

“You’re right,” Neil acquiesced. “I know you’re right. I’m sorry for even suggesting it.” He sighed. “I just keep thinking about Nathan and how badly he fucked up because he wanted to see my mother and me dead so bad. I just wondered if Steven would fuck up and let something slip if it was Robin he was talking to.”

Andrew shook his head. “It’s not a bad theory, I just don’t want to bring it to her. It might work, but at what cost to her?”

Neil didn’t say anything. He chewed another piece of pasta and let his mind wander to other possibilities. He wanted this over with. For Haylie, the 9, and Robin. 

For Andrew.

They hadn’t talked about what would come after this case was finished. Neil had his thoughts, but he didn’t know where Andrew stood and 

“So,” Andrew said, wiping his mouth with a napkin and pushing his plate aside. “Can I give you your birthday present now, or will I have to throw it again in a fit of despair because you don’t like me anymore?”

His tone was joking, but there was still a hint of insecurity lingering behind. 

“I’ve always liked you. Too much. That was part of the problem, you know.” Neil gave him a small smile. The glint in Andrew’s eye made it a little bigger. “Yes, you may now grace me with gifts and baubles.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, trying to hide _that_ smile, as he reached into that same damn leather messenger bag he’d been dragging around with him since Neil had known him (and probably years before that). He pulled out that long, thin box Neil had put back in his office on his birthday. 

Handing it over, Neil held it for a moment, fingering a corner of the box that was clearly crushed in. “You really threw this? My, what a tantrum you must’ve had.”

“It was one for the books. Open it.”

Neil peeled the purple paper away and gasped when he saw what Andrew actually chucked across his office. 

“Andrew Joseph Minyard, I swear to god-” he hissed, leaning forward over the table. “People are going to think you’re my sugar daddy if you keep buying me shit like this.”

It was an apple watch. Silver with a sports band, and exactly what Neil had been wanting, but hadn’t had the balls to buy for himself. 

Andrew shrugged and bit his lip ring, trying even harder to bite back _that_ smile. “You said you wanted a watch for running.”

“I meant like a cheap fitbit or something!”

“No, you didn’t.”

_Oh, you little shit -_

“Okay, no I didn’t. But still-” He shook his head and looked down at the box, ripping the clear plastic that surrounded it right there at the table. “This is too much-”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Andrew rolled his eyes and _that_ smile slipped. “It’s for me too. We’ll go put it on our,” ~~_our_~~ “cell plan, so next time you go running and forget your phone, I can still get a hold of you and make sure you’re not dead.”

Neil sent him a playful glare as he wrapped the watch around his wrist to see how it looked because somehow between _pre-Andrew_ and _post_ , he’d become utterly fucking shameless. He could practically hear his mother rolling in her grave. ~~Again~~. 

_Anyway._

“Why do you always think I’m going to end up dead? Do you think there’s some cronie around every corner in Palmetto just waiting to knock me out with a bat or something?”

“Actually, Tanya Harding, I imagine a tire iron - but yes. Come on,” he said, throwing some bills on the table and standing. “We’ll stop at T-Mobile on the way back to the studio.”

Neil stood with him, gathering the now empty box, before he gave Andrew a quick, garlic laced kiss. “Thank you,” he whispered, “I love it.”

Andrew squeezed his hand and led him out of the restaurant.

* * *

“How are you feeling about being back with Neil?”

Andrew rubbed a thumb over his palm, pressing firmly and staring down at the blood that pooled around it beneath his skin. He wasn’t sure how to answer John. He felt a lot of things - most of which he didn’t really think he could express aloud just yet 

“Good.”

“Things are going well?” Andrew just nodded. “That’s great, Andrew. I’m really happy for you. How do you think things will be different this time around?”

Andrew inhaled a deep breath, then let it out harshly as he dropped his hands to his lap. “I think this time, I’ll be able to see the spiral coming. And I’ll be able to... do something about it.”

“Like what?” John made a note in the notebook in front of him, before looking back up at Andrew. 

“I can’t say I’ll talk to him, because I don’t know that I will,” he answered honestly. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I wish I could spill my guts about everything that eats me. I just can’t sometimes.”

John nodded agreeably. “I think that’s okay, and from what you’ve told me about Neil, I don’t think he would insist you tell him _everything_. But something has to change in order for this to work. So tell me what you think that change will be.”

_‘So tell me what you think that change will be’_

~~_Fuck if I know?_ ~~

_I do know._

“I need to be more honest with him.” ~~_And myself._ ~~ “Tell him what’s going on, even if I don’t tell him why. Maybe just letting him know I need space or I’m having a hard time and it might affect my behavior.”

“That’s a great start. I’m sure he’ll appreciate you being honest with him. It seems like he just wants to take care of you. Make sure you’re okay.”

That was the thing, wasn’t it? Andrew wasn’t used to being taken care of. Cass _tried_ , but it was tainted by the nightmare that snuck into his bedroom every night. It felt more like she was holding him hostage in the end, if Andrew was being honest with himself. _‘I’ll give you what you crave, but this is the price you have to pay.’_

Bee tried, too, and she was mostly successful. He thought about that these past few weeks - sleeping in his old bed and Bee finding him, checking on him, pursing her lips at his club clothes... She’d earned that spot in his life by never giving up on him and caring for him, even through his bullshit. 

“Yeah,” Andrew eventually replied. “He worries about me.” He clenched his jaw to keep everything else inside. 

“That’s a good trait to have in a partner.”

“Yeah. He’s... the best.”

-

_‘He’s the best’_

Andrew thought about that the entire way to the studio. Before, he’d asked Seth if he was willing to be taken care of because he thought if it were him, he’d never let someone move in just because they wanted to dote on him. The entire concept of it sounded suffocating and annoying, and honestly a little pathetic. But if he went to that place where he was totally honest with himself, if he cracked open that door and took a quick peek... He could see it. 

He could see wanting a partner to fuss over him, just a bit. It was just a matter of _letting_ himself be fussed over. 

He was still thinking about it when he walked into the studio to see everyone gathered in the lounge, looking grim.

“Did I miss a meeting?” 

Neil stood from the couch and waved at the TV with one hand as he beckoned Andrew over with the other. “The NYPD just held a press conference about Haylie.”

He raised a brow and slipped his hand into Neil’s, glancing at the blank screen before the rest of the team. “And?”

“Sit,” Neil sighed. “We’ll pull it up.”

Seth opened his laptop and plugged in the HDMI so they could all watch it on the big screen. He found the press conference and pressed play. It all started with a shit ton of hot air, as far as Andrew could tell. NYPD not wanting to admit they’d gotten nowhere, but basically saying exactly that. Andrew was about to tell Seth to turn it off when the officer speaking mentioned the podcast. 

_‘I know some of you have heard the podcast Red Rabbits. We’ve received multiple inquiries regarding the claims made by the show’s hosts that they have information regarding the person who took Haylie. It is true that Mr. Minyard and Mr. Josten spoke with the detective in charge of his case, and it was determined during that conversation that there was no solid evidence linking this disappearance with the disappearances of what they're calling, ‘The Newark 9’. They have nothing to go on in their pseudo investigation, but the testimony of someone who hasn’t seen the person of interest in seven years. We urge you not to buy into sensationalized true crime podcasts, and trust us that we are doing everything in our power to bring Haylie home.’_

**_‘Sensationalized’_**

Andrew felt a humorless laugh find its way out of his mouth. Neil looked to him with concern and the rest of the team remained quiet, waiting for him to what? Rage?

He wasn’t going to. There was no reason. Because the NYPD was so. Fucking. _Stupid_.

“Do they not realize the free publicity they’ve just given us? Our listenership is going to explode,” he scoffed. “What a bunch of fucking morons. We’ve already told everyone they wouldn’t listen to us, why the fuck did they feel the need to bring it up in their stupid press conference?” He then shook his head, still smiling at the utter fuck assery of law enforcement. “Fuckin’ idiots... Someone get me a laptop so I can respond to this.”

Seth automatically unplugged his own and handed it over. “We thought you’d be fuckin’ apoplectic. You’re really not mad?”

“Oh, I’m fucking furious. They have people literally telling them to listen to us and they _still_ refuse. Do you know what we could get done with police resources at our backs?” Andrew sat down on the couch, crossing his ankle onto his knee and propping the laptop against his shin. He pulled up tumblr as he continued, “The way they did this is just insane. Fuck, I hate pigs so goddamn much...”

Quickly, he posted a response on the website and twitter, before shutting the laptop and setting it on the table in front of him. Everyone looked to him, then each other, before they slowly stood and began to disperse. 

He told them to wait. 

Renee and Seth sat back down, but Dan stayed standing. “Do I need my laptop for this?”

“No, it’s quick. I want to talk about Haylie.” He felt Neil place a hand on his thigh and squeeze. He left it there while Andrew talked and he soaked the offered strength up like a sponge. 

“I want to contact her parents. I should’ve done it before, but I was too distracted by my own bullshit.” If there was something Andrew was _really_ pissed about, it was the fact that the NYPD made these comments before he had the chance to talk to them. Now, they looked like opportunistic assholes. It was less than ideal. 

Neil smacked his thigh where his hand had been resting. “Stop,” he scolded him. “Don’t minimize what you’ve been dealing with because of this. Your ‘ _bullshit’_ is important.”

 ~~_Lovable_ ~~ _bastard._

He squeezed Neil’s hand before continuing. “Regardless, I’ve waited too long. They may not want to talk to us, but we should try anyway.”

“Okay,” Renee spoke up. “So, let’s figure out how to contact them. How did you get in touch with the other families?”

“Facebook, mostly. I was able to track most down through social media.” 

“Facebook it is then,” Dan said, wiggling her fingers at her side like she wished she had something to type on. “Renee, see if you can help speed it along. I don’t know if they’ve heard the podcast, but I don’t want them to have _that_ as their only view of us.”

“Got it,” Renee said. 

“What about me?” Seth asked. 

“Go make a playlist,” Andrew said.

“On it.”

Neil snorted and stood when he did. They both retreated to Andrew’s office where Renee joined them a few minutes later, laptop in hand and ready to search.

Turns out, it didn’t take long.There was a facebook page called, _“Pray for Haylie Clark”_ that was run by Haylie’s aunt. 

“Do you want me to send it?” Renee asked, talking about the message he had yet to write. Andrew chewed his lip ring and debated on whether or not that was a good idea. Renee was always better with people than he was. It was why he needed her when looking for Neil. This time, however, he felt like this needed to come from him and Neil. 

“Let me type something from us,” he nodded his head towards Neil, “and you can read it and let me know if it sounds okay...”

Renee nodded and handed her laptop over with the page open. He hit the message button and stood from where he was sitting at his desk, to join Neil in the big white chair. Slowly, like it was nothing, he sat on top of him sideways and threw his legs onto the arm of the chair with the laptop positioned where they could both see it. He could feel Neil’s surprise, but he didn’t hesitate before putting a hand on Andrew’s knee, just behind the laptop. 

~~Lately, Andrew had been having a small problem of never feeling close enough.~~

He typed up a quick message with Neil looking on. He offered a few suggestions, but ultimately it was short and to the point. 

_Mrs. Clark,_

_This is Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten, the hosts of the Red Rabbits podcast. You may have already heard of the show, but we are currently looking for a man who we believe may be involved in Haylie’s kidnapping. We’ve tried to talk to the NYPD, but they will not look into our case without more evidence. We understand they have jobs to do and certain protocols to follow. However, we would like to continue our search for this man and Haylie. We would like to speak to Haylie’s parents to explain what we are about and what we’re doing here. We do not want them to assume that we’re exploiting Haylie’s disappearance for our own goals. If you could pass along our message to them and our contact information, we’d be incredibly grateful._

_Either way, we are hopeful that Haylie will be found safe and our thoughts are with the family._

_Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten_

He included their contact information at the end and handed the laptop back to Renee for her approval. She nodded her head only once. “It’s perfect,” she said, closing the top and pulling it to her chest as she stood. “Now, we wait.” She left them alone and shut the door behind her. 

Andrew thought about moving, but he didn’t. Instead, he put his head on Neil’s shoulder, and Neil ran his hand from Andrew’s knee to rest higher on his thigh. Andrew closed his eyes. 

“Do you think they’ll contact us?” Neil asked.

“I hope so.”

He dropped a kiss on Andrew's forehead. “I hope so, too.”

* * *

On Thursday, they had their answer. 

Andrew received a call while they were in the soundbooth discussing next steps. He answered it while still flipping through papers, but straightened the moment the person on the other end said who they were. Andrew’s eyes met Neil’s and he put the call on speaker. Waving a hand to get Seth’s attention, he looked up to see Seth shove a handful of flaming hot cheetos in his mouth before he hit record and the red light flashed on. 

**RECORD ON**

‘Hello?’

“Mr. Clark, yes I’m here. Sorry about that.”

 _Mr. Clark_ . Holy shit, _Haylie’s dad_. Neil looked to Andrew wide eyed, and he just nodded in response. 

_‘My sister passed along your message. You say you think you know who took my daughter?’_

Neil’s heart sank a bit, because _yes_ , they did think they knew who it was. However, the fact of the matter was, they had no idea if they’d be able to find him... or that Haylie would come back whole if they did **-** ~~let alone alive.~~

“Yes, sir,” Andrew said and it was the first time Neil had ever heard him use any sort of honorific for _anyone_. “We believe we have enough evidence to suggest and support that it’s the same man that took Robin Cross. She was a victim of his and believes it’s him as well.”

Mr. Clark was quiet for a moment. Then, _‘The police don’t believe you have any credibility.’_

A muscle feathered in Andrew’s jaw. To prevent him from saying something he would regret, Neil leaned forward. “Mr. Clark, this is Neil Josten. We’re aware of what the police believe. They need more evidence before they look deeper into it, and that’s fine. But we have all the evidence _we_ need to be convinced, and we’re determined to do what we need in order to figure this out.”

He heard Haylie’s father take a shaky breath through the phone. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what the man must've been feeling. It’d been over a month since Haylie disappeared, and the police were no closer to finding her than they had been in the beginning. 

_‘They think she’s dead,’_ her father eventually said, voice low and heavy. _‘They won’t say it, but I know that’s what they believe - statistics and all... My wife says she’d know. Says she’s sure she’s still alive.’_

Neil looked to Andrew, only to find him looking right back. Their eyes locked and Neil was convinced that the same thing went across both of their minds. 

_She wouldn’t know._

Because there was no special _thing_ or _feeling_ that happened when someone died. They just... die. Neil had no idea his mother was dead until he’d pulled over and crawled into the backseat, only to find that she was there

And then she wasn’t. 

“We believe there’s a very good chance she’s still alive,” Andrew said, tone firm and confident because at least they knew that for almost certain. Steven was cocky and seemed to be following the same pattern he had before. If Haylie was dead, he would’ve let them know. Which of course was all conjecture, but Andrew had to believe it nonetheless. “We want the chance to figure this out, and we would like to have your approval to do that without the NYPD.”

_‘And if I say no? If I tell you to let the police handle it and stop talking about my daughter?’_

Andrew took a deep breath. “Then we stop talking about your daughter. We were looking for this man before she went missing, and we’ll keep looking for him. But we’ll do it without mentioning Haylie.”

Mr. Clark went quiet again before answering, _‘I don’t know if you’re right and this man has my baby girl, but if there’s a chance, I want you to take it. I want anyone who wants to look for her, to look for her - no matter how insane it seems. I don’t care. I just want her home,’_ and then, _‘you have our blessing.’_

“Thank you, Sir,” Neil said, glancing at Andrew. “We’ll keep you up to date on anything we may find, and we’re always open to working with the authorities if they want to listen.”

“One last thing,” Andrew said before Mr. Clark could hang up. “We like to give listeners something personal about the children we’re fighting for. I’ve been able to contact other parents and get something they’d like to share with everyone. A hobby or birthday or something. Is there anything you’d like us to share with listeners about Haylie?”

Mr. Clark went quiet, and Neil thought he hung up for a second. He checked Andrew’s phone just to make sure the call hadn’t dropped. 

Finally he answered.

 _‘No.’_ It was choked and it was short, and he hung up right after.

Neil and Andrew looked at each other. 

“We got his blessing,” Neil murmured, knowing Andrew wouldn’t be celebrating this.

“Yeah. We did.”

**RECORD OFF**

* * *

“We got an email.”

Andrew opened it on his phone and read through it all with Neil leaning over his shoulder. It was from a listener, describing a situation where her niece had almost been snatched at a mall. 

“Oh wow,” Neil muttered. “That’s scary.”

“Mm...” Andrew hummed, fingers twitching against the back of his phone. “I don't know if we can connect this to Steven, though. We’d need security footage or something.”

He felt Neil nod, he was that close to him. He resisted leaning into it. “I doubt it’d be as easy to get as it was at the gas station.”

Andrew rubbed his chin, smooth without the soothing scratch of morning stubble. “Still,” he murmured, mind ticking through the probability that this would actually be their guy. “I don't know. Something about this just... fuck.” He did lean against Neil then, just a bit. “I want to post this to the website. Just to show people how quickly shit can happen.”

What if that was Bella? What if Aaron or Katelyn had her somewhere and it was busy, and they were distracted by Dylan and someone just fucking... just _took her_? It can happen so fast - in the blink of a fucking eye. Andrew had run from enough “caregivers” as a child to know how quick a kid could be. 

“So let’s post it.” Neil finally rested his chin on Andrew’s shoulder and squeezed his arm. “You’re right, this is important.”

He did. After getting permission from the person who sent it, he posted the email with a message:

_‘Or if you’re like me and have nieces you would lay down your life for.’_

_-_

He called Aaron that night. 

He answered after only a couple of rings. ‘ _Hang on, Bella’s not feeling well, let me-’_

“No. I wanted to talk to you. I mean,” he shook his head even though Aaron couldn’t see. “I do want to talk to Bells, but I need to talk to you first.”

Aaron went quiet. Andrew could practically hear his muscles stiffening. _‘What happened now?’_

Andrew almost laughed, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Neil looked at him from the other end of their couch with a furrowed brow.

_‘Just that you’ve always got some crazy shit happening, and that’s the only time you need to talk to me. Are you finally going to admit to me that you and Neil broke up?’_

~~_Touché._ ~~

“We didn’t - I mean we did but - stop fucking distracting me. Neil and I are fine, asshole. Now listen, you know the case we’re working on and the kind of shit we’re dealing with. I got an email from a listener today about how her niece almost got snatched at a mall and-”

_‘Andrew…’_

“No, just listen -“ He needed Aaron to understand, or at least humor him here. “I know you know, Aaron. I know you would never let anything happen to either of them, but I just need to hear you say you’ll be careful.”

Aaron sighed through the phone. _‘I’m trying real hard not to be offended that you would even suggest that I would let anything happen to them, or that I wouldn’t protect either of them 100%.’_

“That’s _not_ what I’m saying. Just... fucking _listen._ It can happen so fucking fast, Aaron. Didn’t you ever run away from Tilda when you were a kid?”

Aaron gave a humorless laugh. Typically they stayed away from any topic of Aaron’s mother, but Andrew was desperate for him to understand what he was trying to say. 

_‘Of course I did. She was an abusive drug addict, remember?’_

_Oh. I fucking remember._

“Okay, so all I’m saying is that kids are fucking quick. Just... be careful, okay? You and Katelyn both. Tell me okay and I’ll leave you alone,” Andrew finally said because really, he wasn’t trying to insult Aaron. They’d had a lot of issues through the years, but never once did he doubt how good of a father he was to his kids. Sometimes, people continue the circle of abuse. Sometimes, they hit their kids because they were hit, or yell because they were yelled at. But other times, people take what happened to them and use it as a reminder to never be like that - take it as a lesson of what _not_ to do as a parent. 

That was Aaron. He took all the abuse his mother gave and the absence his sperm donor left, and turned it into a fiercely protective and loving parenting method that Andrew sometimes envied. Not because he wanted kids... he didn’t. But just because he knew neither of them had ever had that, and Aaron was able to do something productive with his trauma and not let it ruin him. 

_~~Unlike me.~~ _ _That’s not true. I’m doing better._

_Anyway._

_‘Yes, Andrew. I will be careful and Katelyn will be careful. Enough of that,’_ his brother sighed. _‘Do you want to talk to Bella? She has the flu, so I'm sure it’ll make her feel better.’_

“The flu?!” Andrew sat up straight, startling both cats off the couch. Neil looked over at him with wide eyes. “How did she get the flu? You’re a fucking doctor! How could you let-“

_‘Oh shut up. She goes to school, you know. Calm down. She’s fine.’_

_Fine my ass -_ “Did she get a flu shot?”

_‘Of course she got a fucking flu shot. Did you call me just to critique my parenting? Because I’m about to fucking hang up if you keep going.”_

Andrew took a deep breath and kept any more ‘criticisms’ at bay. “Can I talk to her?” And then, he could hear a small whiny voice in the background. His heart ached. 

_‘Yes, baby, it’s Uncle Andrew - Do you want to talk to him? - Okay, go lay down and I’ll let you talk while you rest.’_

The facetime ring sounded and Andrew pulled his phone away from his ear to accept it. Aaron’s face came into view. He looked tired. _‘Hold on, I made her go lay down.’_

Andrew stayed quiet while Aaron made his way to Bella’s room and handed her the phone. She was showed up sideways because she was laying down. 

His poor niece. She looked miserable. Her skin was fever flushed and her hair was sweaty. Someone had put it in a bun on top of her head for her. 

‘ _Unkie_ ,’ she whined. 

“Hey, Bells,” Andrew said quietly, like he might disturb her if he was too loud. “I’m so sorry you don’t feel good.”

Her lower lip trembled and she gave a giant sniff to try and clear the snot from her nose. _‘I got the flu.’_

“I know, your daddy told me. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

Bella rubbed her runny nose on her pillow before answering. _‘Is Unkie Neil there?’_

“He’s here,” Andrew said, looking at Neil, who sat up straight. “Do you want to say hi?” Bella nodded. 

Neil scooted over so he sat beside Andrew and so that Bella could see both of them. “Hi, Bella,” Neil said. “I’m sorry you’re sick.”

‘ _Hi, Unkie Neil. You weren’t there last time.’_

Neil gave her a small smile. He wasn’t there because they were broken up. Honestly, Andrew was surprised Bella even noticed - but he really shouldn’t have been. She was so smart and observant and her immediate attachment to Neil both terrified Andrew and made him feel very warm. 

“I know, but I’m here now!” 

_‘S’good,’_ she mumbled half into her pillow. Then. ‘ _Unkie will you read to me?_ ’ Her eyes were drooping as she snuggled deeper into her covers. 

“Which Unkie?” Andrew asked, trying to bite back his smile while Neil gave a soft laugh.

_‘Both Unkie.’_

_Both Unkie..._

Andrew glanced at Neil, only to see him trying to fight back a smile. He then gave a small shrug and bumped his shoulder into Andrew’s as that smile started to break free. “Okay, Bells. Hang on.” He brought his phone with him as he walked over to his bookshelf and found his old, battered copy of _Where the Wild Things Are_ . It was still his favorite fucking book, next to _Watership Down_. 

They took turns reading. 

“-and his mother called him, ‘WILD THING!’ and Max said ‘I’LL EAT YOU UP!’ so Max was sent to bed without eating anything,” Andrew read, taking mind to change his voice appropriately. If anyone heard him, he’d probably have to threaten them not to say a fucking thing. But this was for Bella. He _had_ to do the voices. 

Neil just smiled and continued after him, “And when he came to the place where the wild things are, they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws.”

Andrew was a wild thing. That’s why he loved this book as a kid. He thought he could be King of the Wild Things, just like Max. It helped when he was too small and wishing he could escape to the place where the Wild Things are. 

Neil was a Wild Thing, too. Maybe they were somewhere at the same time, looking at the same sky and wishing they could’ve been anywhere else. Andrew put a hand on Neil’s thigh.

~~Because sometimes he felt like he couldn’t get close enough.~~

-

Bella was asleep by the time they finished. Neil went to replace the book on the shelf, but Andrew stayed on the phone, staring at her peaceful face and wishing he was there with her. 

Aaron and Katelyn would take good care of her. They always did. 

_Still._

The phone shifted and Aaron’s face came back into view. He quietly walked out of Bella’s room and shut the door. 

‘ _I’ve been trying to get her to nap all day_ ,’ he murmured, but Andrew was distracted by a small gurgling sound.

“Is that Dylan?”

Aaron shifted the phone so Dylan’s chubby face came into view. He held her upright, and she just sat there supporting herself like she was fucking grown. 

Andrew gasped because he couldn’t help it, and smiled because he didn’t want to help it. “Dylan Harper!” he called. She rewarded him with a smile and an, ‘ _Ah_!’

“Oh shit, she’s trying to say Andrew!”

Neil laughed from the bookshelf and Aaron rolled his eyes. _‘Watch your mouth and she’s not trying to say anything. She’s four months old. She’s just making sounds.’_

“Mm. Dunno. She’s almost five months, and I don’t care what you say. Do we, Dylan? No, we don’t... Say _AHHHHHHHNDREW_.”

‘ _Ah_!’

“Aaron she’s a genius, holy shit.”

‘ _You’re ridiculous. I’m hanging up so I can put this one to bed. Kate’s out with friends so it’s just me._ ’

“Keep me posted on Bells?”

_‘I’ll text you tomorrow.’_

* * *

Friday was Valentine’s day. 

Neil didn’t really know what that meant. 

Well - he _knew_ what it meant, he just didn’t know what it meant for him and Andrew. 

Altogether, neither of them mentioned it. He hadn’t gotten Andrew anything, and he assumed Andrew hadn’t either. 

He didn’t think so, anyway. 

_Oh, fuck. What if Andrew got me something?_

Neil was idly wondering if Valentine’s Day blow jobs were a thing, when Wymack knocked on the door frame of his office. 

“Mind if I come in?”

“Sure,” Neil said quickly, snapping out of his head and gesturing to the empty chair. 

He wasn’t sure what Wymack wanted, and his immediate thought was that he was in trouble. He and Wymack and formed a sort of bond since he’d joined TFN. It was probably that way with all of them, actually. They didn’t call him Dadmack for nothing, after all. 

But for Neil, Wymack had been the first grown man he had every day contact with that he wasn’t afraid of - that he trusted. 

“So... you and Minyard? Everything okay there?”

_Right. This is what we’re doing. Okay._

Neil slowly nodded, “Are you really checking on the status of our relationship?”

Wymack shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked down at his shoes. “Just want to make sure you’re in top form, that’s all...” he grumbled, then heavily sighed as he gestured vaguely at Neil. “I watched you walk around here like a lost zombie for weeks.” He shifted uncomfortably, then finally looked up at him. It was abundantly clear though that he didn’t want to be having this talk. Nonetheless, his concern was welcome. 

“I’m fine. Andrew’s fine. We’re both fine.”

Any discomfort disappeared as Wymack stared at him with an annoyed look - one brow raised and that weighty glare. He always looked that way though... Wymack was perpetually annoyed, but it struck Neil no less. 

“I’ve heard that song and dance before, you know. ‘ _Yeah, I know we’re beat to hell and sure, we almost died, but we’re fine._ ’”

Neil smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, well. We were fine, weren’t we?”

Wymack sighed and rubbed his face. “This is above my pay grade.”

“Then why-”

“You know you always have a place here, right? Even if Andrew was here first. I would make room for you somewhere, no matter what.” He looked Neil in the eye, face changing from annoyed to sincere.

“You told me this while we were broken up.”

“Well, I’m telling you again, smart ass. I’m glad you both woke up and got your heads out of your asses. If you ever tell him I said this, I’ll sign you up for that creative writing class, don’t think I won’t.” Wymack pursed his lips and his eyes softened. “But...” he continued, “he needs you. I’ve known that little shit since he was sixteen, and I’ve never seen him as calm as he is with you. Like all the shit on the inside isn’t rolling around like a storm in there.”

“Yeah? I’m that special?”

Wymack rolled his eyes and stood. He started to leave but stopped in the doorway. “You know if there’s ever anything-”

“I know.”

Wymack left, and Neil went back to his computer, smiling. 

* * *

Andrew had therapy that morning. 

The sessions were finally getting easier, but there were still times when he left feeling worse than he’d gone in. Now, he mostly felt like he was able to empty some of the poison from his gut. 

_Liberating_. 

Today was Valentine’s Day.

He and Neil hadn’t talked about it and honestly, Andrew hadn’t really given it much thought. Now that he was feeling light and thinking about Neil and how he’d read to Bella, he kind of wished he’d done something for him. 

_Maybe a Valentine’s Day blow job would suffice?_

When he walked into the studio holding King tight in his arms, he almost ran straight into Seth. He had his phone in one hand and a bag of twizzlers in the other. 

“Oh, hey,” he said, distracted. “Did you know Riko gave an interview to Kathy Ferdinand this morning?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Why the fuck would I care what that fuck face does?”

Seth looked up from his phone and ‘uhh’ed him for a second before saying cautiously, “Well... apparently he mentioned the podcast... And you. We’re getting asks wanting to know if you’re going to respond.”

 _Fucking fantastic_. 

Andrew let out a deep sigh. “Find it and put it on in the lounge. Where’s Neil?”

Seth shrugged. “His office, I assume. I’ll get it up.”

After letting King trot into his office, Andrew found Neil sitting at his desk, Sir in his lap and the website up on his laptop.

“Hey.” Andrew walked in and leaned down for a kiss - which was new, too. Casual kisses in the office... in general they had them, little touches and holding hands - but not in public or at least not as often. 

But lately, Andrew couldn’t help it. 

“Did you hear?” Neil asked, after returning the kiss.

“Seth just told me. Come on, he’s going to put it on in the lounge.”

Neil stood and let Sir jump onto her cat tree where King joined her.

Everyone was gathered. Dan and Renee were on one of the couches, whispering about something, and Kevin had even come to stand behind them, watching the TV blank faced and tight jawed. 

Seth hit play. 

Andrew watched Riko walk onto the stage, blinding smile in place and a humble wave to the screaming crowd. Kathy stood in her red and pink get up, Barbie lips bright and too-white teeth shining, and walked around her desk to meet him. They shook hands and kissed on both cheeks.

Andrew rolled his eyes.

 _“Sit, sit Riko,”_ Kathy said, taking her own seat. _“It’s so good to have you here again! We haven’t seen you in so long!”_

_“It’s good to be back, Kathy. I’ve been so busy helping out with the Edgar Allen Exy team and working on the new documentary, that this is like a vacation!”_

The audience laughed indulgently. Kathy laughed with them. _“Well, I’m certainly not complaining about vacationing with such a stud.”_ She winked and Riko laughed pleasantly. 

_“So, tell us about this new documentary you’re working on. It’s Exy related, yes?”_

_“Yeah, that’s right. It’s called_ **_The Dream_ ** _, and it goes through the history of Exy from it’s inception to today’s great moments, while also following the global impact it’s had since it was brought over from Ireland.”_ Riko spoke with his hands, imploring people to believe in his passion. Andrew had to grudgingly admit, he was good.

 _“Oh, that sounds interesting... I imagine you have a lot of big Exy names involved?”_ Kathy leaned forward with her fist on her chin like it was the most interesting thing she’d ever heard. 

_“Absolutely. All the important people throughout the game's history are featured.”_

_“What about Kevin Day?”_

A collective breath held in the room. Andrew looked over at Kevin. His expression hadn’t changed - he still stood behind the couch with arms crossed and biceps tensed. It didn’t fool him though. He knew Kevin was screaming on the inside. 

Wymack came and stood beside him - a silent show of support. 

_“No,”_ Riko frowned, shaking his head and sighing. “ _Unfortunately, Kevin wasn’t interviewed. We did reach out to him, but he’s been forced to ostracize his family by the people he’s surrounded himself with.”_ Riko said somberly. Kathy fucking pounced on it.

_“Really? Technically isn’t he with family? David Wymack is his father after all, and he works with him directly on the Dayly Exy podcast.”_

Riko shrugged. _“Technically, sure. It’s just such a shame that he’s abandoned the family that_ **_raised_ ** _him. Kevin and I were brothers, but as soon as he made contact with David Wymack, he turned his back on us.”_

Wymack let loose a string of unintelligible expletives.

_“What a tragedy, really. You know, last time you were on we had you with Andrew Minyard, who also works with Kevin over at The Foxhole Network. That was quite an explosive interview! Do you think Andrew has something to do with Kevin staying away, since your relationship is so tumultuous?”_

_“I wouldn’t be surprised, Kathy,”_ Riko sighed. _“When you’re dealing with people like that, anything is possible.”_

Kathy leaned closer, a hungry gleam shining in her eye. Andrew snorted. She was practically salivating. _“What kind of people, exactly?”_

He couldn’t wait to hear what shit Riko _fucking_ Moriyama was about to spew.

_“Well, I said it the last time I was on. He’s unstable. He beat four men nearly to death, and then he went on a wild goose chase to find someone who obviously didn’t want to be found.”_

_“But he did find him, didn’t he? Nathaniel Wesninski is now Neil Josten, and he seems to be doing just fine.”_

_“From what we know. I actually went to school with Nathaniel when we were children. I didn’t bring it up until now because I thought it personal.”_

Kathy gasped - actually gasped out loud. _“No! Did you really?”_

Riko nodded with a grim smile. _“I really did. He, Kevin, and I were all enrolled together at Raven Academy. It’s been twenty years since I’ve seen him, but he was a small, quiet child. He was eager to please.”_

_“What are you suggesting, Riko?”_

_“Nothing, nothing. Just seems rather odd, don’t you think? Andrew Minyard finds this person who has been through so much with his terrible father, and suddenly they’re in a relationship? It just doesn’t sit well with me. I liked Nathaniel as a child. I guess I just worry.”_

Neil was practically vibrating. “That fucking piece of shit-” Andrew cut him off with a hand on the back of his neck, rubbing gently.

_Buzz_

_“That’s so sweet of you, Riko. I must admit I follow the podcast, and they seem very happy.”_

_“I hope they are. I follow as well, because I want to believe in what they’re doing there, but the latest from them has me worried. Minyard has admitted on air that his mental health is waning and that he’s had to submit to therapy. Is that really the type of person who belongs in a relationship? Is that really the type of person we want running an investigation for a missing child? Considering his past, I think these are good questions to ask.”_

_Buzz, buzz_

_“Which part of his past do you mean? The fight he was in?”_

Riko shook his head and crossed an ankle over his knee, completely at ease while trying to ruin Andrew’s reputation. Andrew squeezed Neil’s neck a little tighter, trying to anchor - _brace_ himself for what was to come.

 _“Well, this is all public record of course, if anyone cares to look. But it’s known that he let an abuser walk free for years. In fact, he accused that man of abuse around a decade after he no longer had contact with him,_ **_and_ ** _he wrote a victim statement that had him put away for years. Now, of course, he claims fighting for missing and abused children, but he let_ **_that_ ** _man, that_ **_abuser_ ** _abuse other children? I don’t know Kathy. It seems to me he’s more concerned with trying to salvage his ruined reputation than he is with actually helping children.”_

Andrew was stunned. He was so very rarely surprised into silence, but he had absolutely nothing to say - couldn’t.

_Buzz, buzz, buzz -_

Riko was sitting there, on national television, accusing Andrew of letting _Drake_ walk free, because what? Because he didn’t _care_...? Like writing that goddamn victim statement - which was supposed to be sealed and his name redacted - wasn’t the hardest mother fucking thing Andrew had ever had to do in his entire life.

Neil wasn’t quite as silent. 

“That _MOTHER FUCKER_ -“ Neil stood, walking around the coffee table. “I swear to god, I’ll fucking kill him. How fucking _dare he_ ?! What time is it?! Is he still at that studio? I’m gonna fuck-” Andrew stopped hearing what exactly he was saying as he charged into his office. His head was full of _buzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzz_ and Riko’s stupid fucking voice -

 _“That’s…”_ Kathy cleared her throat. Even she was stunned. _“That’s... quite an accusation. He did write the witness statement, after all.”_

_“Yes, you’re right. I apologize Kathy, I’m not trying to throw accusations. I just wonder who we’re really trusting, you know? I wonder how Nathaniel is being treated, if he’s being manipulated or coerced.”_

“I’ll show you coerced you fucking-” Andrew looked up to see Neil shoving his arms into his jacket, the keys to the GS in his hand.

“What are you doing?” Andrew asked, his voice sounded _wrong_ in his own ears. ~~Maybe it was because he couldn’t really hear it.~~

“I’m going to fucking find him and beat the shit out of him, what does it look like I’m doing?”

Andrew sighed, because he had to sigh. While his chest tightened and his heart squeezed, his stomach continued its sinking descent and he felt sick. Neil going vigilante for him wasn’t what he needed right then. “Sit down, Neil.” 

And something in his voice must have convinced him, because after hesitating for a moment, Neil set his jaw but ultimately sat back down beside Andrew - close enough for their thighs to touch. ~~_Close enough to take comfort if I need it._ ~~

_“Well, Riko. You’ve certainly given us a lot to think about here. Everyone I know is a fan of Red Rabbits. It’ll be interesting to see how the fans react.”_

_“I just want people to know the truth. Andrew Minyard tries to present himself as a sympathetic figure, fighting for forgotten children. Personally, I think he’s fighting for himself.”_

_Enough._

“Turn it off.”

Remote in Seth's hand, the screen went black. Any residual hum from the tv cut and silence fell over them so heavily, that Andrew swore he heard Neil’s racing heart from beside him. 

~~_Or maybe that’s my own._ ~~

“They’re trying to get to you,” Kevin broke the quiet. 

“I know.”

_Buzz..._

~~_I’m tired, Bee._ ~~

“They’re trying to rile you - to get you to make a mistake so they can-”

“I _fucking know_ , Kevin.”

~~_I’m so fucking tired._ ~~

Andrew pushed his glasses up in his head and rubbed his eyes. 

_What am I supposed to do?_

Not only had Riko accused him of willingly letting Drake abuse other children - he basically outed his trauma along with it. Anyone with half a fucking brain cell could put it together...

He didn’t know what to think. 

He didn’t know what to feel. 

He’d kept this so close to his chest for so goddamn long... Neil was the only person in this room who knew the full truth of it. 

_Renee knows enough,_ he thought. Maybe Wymack and Abby, but no more than Bee... 

But now everyone knew. 

The whole fucking _world_ knew.

Standing slowly, he ignored everyones concerned looks and made his way to his office. Once there, he shut the door behind him and took King down from her perch atop the cat tree. He hugged her close to his chest and sank into the big white chair. ~~Neil’s chair.~~

He _didn’t_ know what to do or how to feel. But he did know the feel of King’s purr against his chest and the smell of her fur in his nose. 

He let himself sink. 

* * *

Neil watched Andrew disappear into his office, and as soon as the door was shut, he exploded. 

Ripping his jacket back off, he threw it on the couch and started pacing - pulling his phone out like there would be something there that would tell him what he needed to do in this situation. 

“Neil,” Renee started.

“No. Don’t talk to me yet.”

“Okay. It’s just-”

“ _NO_. Why do they get to do this?!” Neil whirled on her.

To her credit, she didn’t even blink. Dan’s eyes went a little wide, but Renee sat calmly, meeting Neil head on. 

He kept going. “Why do they get to do this to us over and over again?! We just want to live our fucking lives! This isn’t fair - Andrew didn’t even fucking _do_ anything!” He scoffed humorlessly and ticked off on his fingers, “We’ve kept our mouths shut. We’ve done what they asked. _Why are they doing this_?!”

“Neil,” Kevin said calmly, “Neil you need to calm down. This is what they want-”

Neil whirled on him. He wanted to yell at Kevin, too. He wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. Just because he’d lived with Riko didn’t mean he had the market in Moriyama drama. 

_But he does._

Because Kevin _had_ lived with Riko. He knew his games probably better than anyone and -

“What do I do?” Neil asked quietly. “They can’t just _do this_ , Kevin. I won’t let them just hurt him like this... Lola almost killed him with a fucking knife. Is this their plan now? Kill him with words..?”

Kevin walked over and put a hand on Neil’s shoulder. He squeezed and shook him a little. “You need to calm down. Andrew is going to have to respond to this, but he needs you calm and in his corner to do it. Do you understand?”

Neil didn’t. He didn’t understand anything anymore. 

He nodded anyway.

Kevin let go and Neil looked around the room. Everyone was staring at him. He clenched his jaw. 

“I think you should go check on Andrew,” Renee said quietly. Neil didn’t respond. He walked silently over and knocked once on the door.

“It’s me,” he said murmured close to the jam. He opened it when he heard a soft ‘ _come in_.’

Andrew was curled in the big white chair with King. Neil slowly made his way over and went to his knees before him, making sure not to touch. 

“What can I do?” he asked. Andrew shook his head. 

“I need to be alone.”

“Okay,” Neil said with a small nod. “But call me if you need me, okay? I’ll be right here. Do you want anything? You haven’t eaten lunch yet. Can I get you something?”

Andrew shook his head, looking at King instead of Neil. 

“Okay…” Neil hesitated, biting his lip. Andrew’s face was completely blank. It was his mask - the mask he wore when his mind was a wreck and nothing but _bad_ roiled inside. “I’ll be around, okay?”

Andrew nodded and Neil walked out of his office, closing the door softly. 

He let the rage build then, once he was out of Andrew’s view. Pulling his jacket back on, he grabbed his discarded keys and his phone, before heading out without another word to anyone. 

Once he was in the GS he made the call.

“Stuart. Are you still in the neighborhood of the country?”

* * *

He was trying to stay afloat. 

He didn’t want to go to that place again - that place where he was made of stone. 

He didn’t want to push Neil away again, not when they’d just gotten things straight. They were so fucking _good_ right now... Andrew felt better, healthier, than he had in years. 

Like a child, he wondered how life could be so unfair. He wondered how people like Riko could live their lives, so loved and successful; a Prince, doted on and spoiled rotten while Andrew had lived a life of torture. 

And then for that Prince to throw it in Andrew’s face. 

He took a deep breath, then took stock of the situation just like John had told him to. He felt his fingers and his toes, and wiggled them where he sat. Then he pulled out his phone, and he made the call.

“John, it’s Andrew. I need to talk.”

* * *

Neil watched Stuart walk into the restaurant - watched him shoot the hostess a flirtatious smile and nod his head in Neil’s direction. He watched him make his way over, shoulders back and chin up like he owned the place. 

“Nephew,” he greeted, sliding into the booth on the other side of Neil and divesting himself of his leather jacket. “I’m so glad you called. I was just getting ready to head back home.”

“Without me? And here I thought you were so desperate to have me.”

Stuart raised a dark brow. “Changed your mind, have you?”

“Not a chance. But I need your help.”

Stuart leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his very expensive looking button up shirt and nodded for Neil to continue. 

“I want to take down the Moriyamas.”

Stuart let out a laugh, one straight from his stomach. He put a hand on his stomach and wiped at his eye. “Good one,” he gasped.

Neil wasn’t laughing. He let Stuart finish, thanking the waitress when she brought him a glass of water. Stuart caught sight of his expression and straightened. 

“You’re not serious?”

“I’m dead fucking serious. I want them destroyed.”

Stuart shook his head and put down his glass. He held up his hands, furrowed his brows, and squinted at him. “Back up a moment... Tell me where this is coming from.”

So, Neil did. He told him about how the Moriyamas had sent Lola after them, about how Neil was fine playing their game once he knew he and Andrew were safe. He told him about Andrew’s piece and how Ichirou himself had shot it down - about Riko and what he’d just done to Andrew on national television. 

Neil could feel the anger boiling inside him. He could fucking feel his face flush with the heat of it.

“So, let me get this straight...” Stuart said, shaking his head and closing his eyes. He paused for a moment, then opened them only to squint again at Neil. “You want me to start a war between the families... over your boyfriend?”

_Essentially._

“Yes. What do we have to do?”

The look Stuart gave him was incredulous. “What do we - Neil. Lola Malcolm nearly killed you both and you let that slide, but this interview has you ready to burn everything down?”

_Yes._

Neil jabbed a finger into the table and leaned forward. “Lola was after me, not Andrew. He was there and in the way so he got caught up. _No_ , I wasn’t fucking okay with that. Why do you think I talked to the FBI at all? Me, a bloody fucking-“ he didn’t want to say it. It felt wrong in his mouth and he completely ignored that the _wrong_ feeling was because of how _right_ it actually was at that moment. 

But he needed Stuart to understand. Because no matter how hard he worked or how far he ran, no matter how many steps he strode to get rid of the goddamned name, there was no denying it. Because at times, he _felt_ like a fucking 

“ _Wesninski.”_ He finally bit out.

Stuart’s eyes darkened and Neil knew he was about to call him a _Hatford_ instead, and he didn’t think he could handle that. 

Neil cut him off so he didn’t have to hear it. “Because I wanted them to _suffer_.” 

Stuart raised a brow, but thankfully kept his mouth shut. He went on, “Yeah, I fucking know. The FBI hurt more than they helped. But now they’re personally coming after Andrew. Now, they’re attacking him for no goddamn reason, and I’m not going to stand by and watch him be destroyed. I’ll fucking die first. So.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed _his_ arms over his chest. “What. do we. have to do.”

That dark look Stuart had, turned into something... pitying. With a long sigh, he pressed two fingers to his temple and rubbed. “Slow down, first of all. That’s what we have to do...” He blinked hard and picked up the wine menu at the end of the table. Squinting at its contents, he quickly gave up and met Neil’s eyes with another resigned sigh. “Do you have any idea what you’re asking? If the Hatfords go for the Moriyamas, it becomes an international fight. I’m only in the country because of private planes and very good forgeries. A lot of people will die, Nathaniel.”

He may _feel_ like a fucking _Wesninski_ right then. But he couldn’t hear _Nathaniel,_ too. 

So, he stared stonily back at him until he corrected it. 

“ _Neil_ ,” Stuart acquiesced. 

“Will Riko be one of them?” Neil moved on, tilting his head and considering this. 

Stuart pressed his lips together. Then, “Is Minyard going to respond to what that little twit said?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Alright.” Stuart picked the menu back up and gestured a hand for a waitress to come over. Once he caught her attention, he dropped his hand and leaned forward, “I have a better idea, but we start small, understand? I’m going to stay under the radar here. They can’t know I’m in the country. We did some work for them back when Mary first got together with Nathan, but we backed out as soon as we could. I don’t know if the little lord would even care, but I don’t want to risk it, especially where you’re concerned.”

The waitress was two tables away, approaching with a smile that felt so out of place in their little scheming bubble. 

Neil nodded. “Fine. Just tell me what we have to do.”

* * *

Andrew had to write a response. He didn’t want this to take off - for people to believe he’d let an abuser walk free because he ‘didn’t care’. 

Talking to John had helped. 

He still felt shaky, uneven. But he was keeping it together. 

He’d gone through five drafts of what he wanted to say, and each one of them was calmer than the last. They’d started out filled with expletives and accusations. This last draft still had expletives and accusations, but they were much better worded. 

~~_Classy._ ~~

Renee had been in to check on him. She said the others were worried, but he couldn’t really find it in himself to care. Instead, he wondered what this now meant - if any of them would try to treat him differently because of this. 

He didn’t think he’d be able to stand it. 

It was late now. 

He thought everyone must have already left. 

It was Valentine’s day. 

Dion was in town to spend it with Seth, and Allison had tagged along to be with Renee. He was sure Dan had plans with Lloyd to do whatever it was famous Exy players did on dates...

He stood to leave his office, and when he opened the door he heard voices from down the hall. 

He followed them to the big conference room, and walked in to see the entire team, plus Dion and Kevin, playing a card game of some kind. Seth appeared to be the dealer and he slapped down a card for everyone to see. They all moaned in dismay, even Neil sat to the side watching, but not playing. 

As soon as he saw Andrew, however, he lit up. 

“Hey,” Neil said, standing from his seat and meeting him in the doorway. 

“What are you playing?” He nodded his chin to the table. He couldn’t figure it out.

“I have no idea. I think Seth just made it up.” He smiled crookedly and Andrew sighed, running two fingers over his wrist. 

“Minyard!” Seth called. “Come sit, we’ll deal you in.”

Andrew looked around at them all. Dan was sitting on top of Lloyd as usual, like they were fused together. Seth had found a tall stool somewhere and sat up above everyone with the cards, with Dion to his right, looking like he was dressed for dinner. Renee sat on top of the table with her legs crossed, and Allison and Kevin were seated in front of her, heads together and discussing something. They looked up when Seth called out to him, but

Why the hell was everyone still here? The lot of them had to have dinner plans or _something_.

“No. I just...” he stopped looking around the room and focused on Dan. “I have my response for Riko. I’m going to post it on the website. Do you want to approve it?”

She shook her head. “You say whatever you feel like you need to say in response to that fucking cunt. I’m not going to censor you.”

~~_Oh_ ~~

“Hey, can you post it with some of my art?”

Andrew looked at Seth, confused. “Art? What fucking art would I post with this?”

Seth glanced at Dion who was doing something on his ipad. Taking it after Dion held it out, he tapped on it a few times before handing it over to Andrew. It was the poster of Riko for Kathy Ferdinand’s show, sitting there looking and handsome as ever, but Seth had made a few adjustments*. 

Andrew just stared at it for a minute, before looking back up at Seth. “Seth, this is insanely childish.”

Seth’s face fell. “So you won’t post it?”

“Oh no, I’m gonna fucking post it. You kidding me? These stink lines are your best work yet.”

Everyone laughed, and it almost startled Andrew. He looked around at all of them again, and opened his mouth to ask, but before he could Neil moved in closer. 

“Come on. I want to read your response.” Louder, he said. “Then we’ll go home. That sound good?”

 _I know what you’re doing._ ~~_Thank you._ ~~

Andrew just shrugged and made his way back to his office, assuming Neil was following. He wasn’t though and when Andrew turned back, he found Neil telling everyone goodbye. Lloyd gave him a big hug and ruffled his hair, and Kevin slapped him on the shoulder as Seth and Dion wrapped around each other. Neil caught his eye and smiled, and that’s when _all_ of it hit him. 

They stayed for him. 

_For me._

They stayed here to make sure he was okay -

_To make sure I’m okay._

They missed plans and time together, to sit in that conference room while Andrew was trying very hard not to have a meltdown, shut in his office. 

His office where he retreated to again, sitting down in the big white chair and looking out the window. 

He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel... King jumped into his lap. 

Neil walked in with Sir at his heels. The bell on her collar was oddly comforting. “Sorry, just saying bye.”

Andrew ran his hand over King’s head, not meeting his eyes. “They didn’t need to stay here.”

“I told them that. I told them to go home. They didn’t listen.”

“I hate that,” Andrew said quietly.

“Which part?”

“All of it.”

Neil sighed and sat at Andrew’s desk. “This hasn’t changed anything, you know. I know you’re afraid they’re going to treat you differently, but I don’t think they will. I think they understand you a little better, but Andrew? They’ve always cared about you.”

Andrew huffed a laugh, because...

_Because_

“Don’t laugh. It’s true. Do you not remember how everyone slept on the floor of the lounge when Lola was after us, just so they could keep an eye on you? That wasn’t for my benefit, Andrew. They’d just met me. That was for you.”

Andrew looked up at Neil, and if he thought he could stand it, he would’ve kissed him right then....

He could see it in his mind’s eye. He would put King gently on the ground, and he would stand. He would make his way over to Neil, and Neil would lean back in the chair so he could meet Andrew’s eyes - because Neil _always_ met Andrew’s eyes - to make sure what they were doing was okay. Andrew would lift a hand and cup Neil’s jaw, running a thumb over his scar like he always did. Then, he would lean down and their lips would meet, and Andrew would feel like fire on the inside. He would feel like he could do _anything_. 

Like he was the strongest man in the world. 

That’s what kissing Neil was like. 

But he couldn’t. Not now. Not with Drake’s memory so close to the surface. So, instead he stood and held out a hand. Neil slid his own into Andrew’s waiting palm without hesitation.

“I’m going to post this and then we’re going to go home, okay?”

Neil just nodded and squeezed Andrew’s hand. 

And he thought, maybe that was just enough to keep him afloat.

* * *

Neil was angrily mashing potatoes. 

He’d responded to Andrew’s post while he was in the shower, and asked first if it was okay to mention the break up. Andrew had just shrugged and said Neil could say whatever he wanted. 

So, he did. 

And he was fucking angry all over again. 

_‘I won’t speak for Neil. He can respond or not.’_

That’s what Andrew had said in his own response, and Neil looked at him incredulously. “Do you really expect me not to respond to this?”

“I expect you to do whatever you want.”

_Fuck Riko._

Neil mashed the potatoes harder, like they were Riko’s face and the masher was his fist.

“What are you doing?”

Neil looked up to see Andrew fresh from the shower. His hair was slicked back and his skin was pink from the hot water. He looked alive, and Neil liked that.

“I’m making pierogies.”

Andrew’s lips twitched. “Okay... are you murdering the pierogies?”

“Maybe I am, Andrew. _Maybe. I. Am._ ”

Andrew came further into the kitchen and looked over Neil’s shoulder at the bowl of potatoes. “I think those are mashed enough,” he said quietly, body close, but not too close. “Why are you making pierogies, anyway?”

“Because it’s Valentine’s day and there are no good pierogies in Palmetto, but they’re kind of our thing, aren’t they? So I just...” He realized how silly and mushy and soft that may sound, but - “I just wanted to make you pierogies.”

Neil was rambling. He still had that urge to feed Andrew, fatten him up after their break up. But he also just wanted to take care of him? Make something special? He didn’t fucking know. Neil was never going to be able to cook steak or some fancy shit that Matt was probably doing for Dan or something, but the recipe for pierogies seemed pretty straight forward, and it reminded him of their time in New York. There were a lot of steps to it and that was okay, because he needed the distraction. 

“You want me to chop this onion?” 

“No!” Neil said, accidentally flinging potatoes on Andrew’s cheek when he whirled around with the masher in his hand. He bit back a laugh and wiped it off with a finger. “Sorry. No, I’ll do it. _I’m_ cooking for _you_.”

Andrew raised both brows and leaned back against the counter. Neil abandoned the slaughtered potatoes for the knife and started to chop. He cut himself almost immediately. 

“Ow, fuck.” He sucked on his finger and looked down to see more blood welling up. 

Andrew sighed and it made Neil feel warm. “Wash your hands, I’ll get a band-aid.”

Neil did, and by the time he was done, Andrew had come back with a box of dinosaur band-aids. “Did you buy these on the off chance that Bella hurts herself while she’s visiting you?”

“Maybe.” Andrew mumbled, concentrating on taking hold of Neil’s hand so his cut finger was out. His long hair fell from where it had been slicked back to curtain his face - a sheet of damp blond, blocking him from the world. 

Neil wanted to push it back with his other hand, but he didn’t want to do something Andrew wasn’t feeling okay with. 

Once the band-aid was securely in place and T-Rex faces covered the tip of his finger, Andrew turned to the onion. “Come here, let me show you how to do this without cutting yourself.”

“I cut the potatoes just fine, thank you.” Neil shot back. He wasn’t a _complete_ idiot. Onions were just... smaller and more slippery than potatoes. 

“I’m sure you did, Emeril. Just come here.”

Neil pouted and stood beside Andrew, letting him position himself to Neil’s side. He handed him the knife, then put his own hand over Neil’s. 

“Look how you position your fingers here, in front of the knife. Good. If you cut it like this,” he made several long cuts using Neil’s hand, “then it’s easier to chop in small pieces.” He turned the onion and started chopping the long cuts he made, so they ended up in tiny squares. Neil made sure to keep moving his fingers back. 

“Holy shit, look how nice that looks.”

Andrew laughed against his neck and Neil had to hold back a shiver. He stepped back to let Neil finish it himself. 

“So, did you respond?”

Neil concentrated on his hands. “Yes.”

Andrew walked around the counter to where the laptop was still open on the bar. He was quiet when he read Neil’s response. He’d written it angrily and it read that way. However, the end was just for Andrew. 

_‘Andrew, you’re still the bravest boy I know. I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise.’_

Andrew met his eyes over the laptop. Neil set aside the knife and put both palms on the counter, holding his gaze. Andrew glanced at the computer one more time, before he got up and walked around to Neil, and stood in front of him with his hip against the counter and arms crossed. His hands were hidden under the sleeves of his too-big sweatshirt. 

Neil called it his mourning sweatshirt. 

He always wore it when he was sad. 

“Would you really fight anyone for me?” Andrew asked.

Neil turned fully to face him, wanting to touch, but not. His hands smelled like onions, but he also wouldn’t touch Andrew tonight. Not unless Andrew initiated it. 

Instead he looked him straight in the eyes and in as deadly serious a tone he could muster, he said, “I would burn this entire fucking world down for you.”

And Andrew, after searching Neil’s face, said, “I’m starving.”

Neil smiled, and called it a win.

* * *

Andrew was determined to pretend like nothing happened. 

He felt better after responding, if only because he’d gotten a number of messages from listeners thanking him for speaking up for people who were just doing the best they could with the help of therapy. 

The fact that people were also calling for a boycott of _The Dream_ documentary helped, too.

But more than anything, he didn’t want the Moriyamas to know how much they’d gotten to him. He didn’t want to prove them right. He was not going to fold to this. He _was not_ going to sink back into that place he’d barely clawed himself out of. 

He’d worked too fucking hard and he fucking _refused_ to feel like a victim all over again.

John agreed to meet with him on Sunday for an extra session. When he told Neil where he was going he said, “I’m proud of you.” and Andrew responded, “Shut up.”

John had read his response, and told him he thought it was excellent. He said he was proud of Andrew, too. 

Andrew rolled his eyes.

Neil texted him while he was in his appointment and told him to meet him at the studio after. Andrew didn’t know why, but he didn’t question it. He pulled the Mas into the parking lot next to the GS, and saw everyone else’s cars there, too. Including Wymack’s.

They were all in the big conference room again, but there was barely enough space with all the extra people here. Dion and Allison, and Wymack and Abby - He looked for Neil and froze when he saw who sat next to him.

Stuart _fucking_ Hatford. 

Andrew clenched his jaw. “Why?”

Neil met him at the door and took his hand with a shake of his head. “Just come sit. I want to run something by you... By everyone.”

Despite himself, Andrew silently followed and sat in the chair next to Neil’s. 

Neil stayed standing. 

“Alright. I know everyone’s coming off of Valentine’s weekend, so thanks for meeting me here. For those of you who don’t know, this is my Uncle Stuart.” 

Stuart gave a jolly little wave and Andrew crossed his arms. 

“I asked him to help me with this whole Moriyama thing, because you know what? I refuse to stand around and do nothing while they try to take us down.” 

_Take_ **_Andrew_ ** _down_. Andrew knew that’s what he wanted to say. 

“Andrew’s response was amazing, and it helped to let people know not to take what Riko said seriously, but my Uncle Stuart here has some connections that will not only elevate that message to the next level, but will let us respond on a global scale.” Andrew glanced up at Neil to see him straighten his back. His right brow twitched slightly as his voice lowered, “I want to hurt their brand. This is the first step.”

Neil sat and looked to Stuart, who cleared his throat and started speaking like he wasn’t part of a criminal organization, and whatever he was about to say wasn’t likely accomplished under threats and blackmail.

“I have an... acquaintance in the entertainment industry. They’re associated with Rolling Stone magazine, and they’ve agreed to do a spread of the team and an interview. It’ll get the Podcast more notice, and hopefully help find your guy, while also allowing you to hit back if you wish to do so.”

Andrew uncrossed his arms and really focused on his _partner_. 

Was he fucking serious...? _Rolling Stone_? 

_Rolling fucking Stone?!_

Andrew couldn’t find words -

“Are you fucking serious? All of us?” Seth asked, brows raised and mouth hung open. Dion smiled and took his hand.

Stuart nodded. “All of you. That includes Mr. Boyd. They want everyone.”

Matt rubbed his chin and squinted. “I’m not really a part of this though, am I?”

Andrew shook his head. As much as he wanted to say _no you’re fucking not,_ he couldn’t - not really. “You were in New York,” he said, defeated. “You helped find the info at Grand Central. I think it’s too late to claim you’re not a part of this.”

Matt nodded slowly, then shrugged. “I mean, I’ll have to clear this with my team. I don’t see them having an objection. It’s all about the brand, right?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Andrew replied, even though he didn’t need to. 

“I have concerns,” Abby spoke up - because she was Abby and of course she did. “So, this whole thing is supposed to be a hit piece on the Moriyamas, right? But there’s still a cease and desist in place here. Andrew’s post was in direct response to accusations made by Riko, so we could get away with it. But a whole spread? I’m concerned about the backlash on the studio.”

“I’m concerned about the backlash on my team,” Wymack growled towards Stuart. Andrew was pleased to see Wymack didn’t seem like he was a fan.

“My Daddy’s an attorney,” Reynolds threw in. “A big one. A _really_ big, _good_ attorney.” She looked around the room. “I’m not worried. Besides, these interviewers are all the same. Give them half answers and thinly veiled insults. They’ll write what they want and we’ll claim it was taken out of context.”

“That’s true. I’ve done shoots for GQ, Esquire, Men’s Fitness-”

“Yes, we get it Lloyd. You’re very fit and important-“

Stuart cut him off. “I will be able to control this, to an extent. We’ll have full approval of the spread before it’s published. I’ll make sure of it. Mrs. Wymack, if you’d like to view it before it goes out, you’ll be able to.”

Wymack glared and Abby nodded.

“So,” Neil said, crossing his arms and looking over everyone, “What do you all think? We’d have to fly out tomorrow morning to do the shoot. We’ll stay overnight and fly back Tuesday. Stuart has access to a private plane that can take us to and from New York, no problem. Robin, this includes you,” he landed on her. “I know you have classes and Exy, but I want to give you the opportunity to be involved.”

“Like…” Robin thought for a moment. “Okay, obviously how cool would it be to be in Rolling Stone? But I have no idea what you guys are talking about regarding the Moriayama people.”

“You don’t need to know,” Andrew spoke up. That was the last thing he needed _or_ wanted - was her worrying about this bullshit. He wanted to knock the fucks down a peg, sure. But he didn’t need Robin getting caught up in it, too. “They’ll want to ask you questions, but we’ll make sure it’s strictly to do with the podcast.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” she said. “Honestly, screw them. I don’t know about his family, but I used to be a big fan of Riko... He’s smarmy, but he’s a _really_ good player. I suppose that doesn’t matter though, because _we_ have the world’s best Exy player on _our_ team.” She looked to Lloyd and gave him a smile. Andrew swore he blushed. She continued, “I’d really like to knock him down a peg or two for what he did. No one deserves that.” She’d balled her hands on top of the table, then took a deep breath and let them go as she turned her eyes to Andrew. That fire was back. 

“So, is that a yes? Is everyone in?” Neil asked. 

Everyone nodded and agreed enthusiastically. 

“Great,” Neil said, and something about the way he just walked into the room and took charge - the way Neil Josten, who hates attention and hates being photographed, just told everyone they’re doing a spread in Rolling _fucking_ Stone…

Again, Andrew knew it was all for him, and he was conflicted. 

Everyone stood and walked out of the room chatting. Neil stood by the door talking to Seth and Dion, and Andrew realized he and Stuart were the only ones left at the table.

“He’s doing this for you, you know,” Stuart mumbled. 

“I know.” Andrew didn’t look at him.

“You seem to have a problem with me, and I must admit I’m curious as to why. I’m here to help.”

Andrew did turn then. He slowly swiveled in the chair to face the English bastard. They looked at each other blankly for a minute. Andrew felt his eyes slowly narrow - just a bit.

“You want to know what my problem is with you?” Andrew asked. It sounded dangerous, even to his own ears.

“By all means.”

“Let’s start with the fact that you left him and his mother to fend for themselves - left them to nearly die however many fucking times. Like you couldn’t be bothered.”

Stuart held up a hand. “Wait, wait. I tried to help Mary-”

“No. I’m not fucking finished. You wanted to know, so you’re going to listen. You left them to fend for themselves, and you left _him_ with an abusive cunt who dragged him around the fucking world-”

“You watch your mouth when you speak about her. She was protecting him.”

“You know what, Stuart? Fuck that, and fuck you. I know abuse, I fucking lived abuse my entire childhood. Do you know how many comments we got from listeners about how violent she seemed? I never called it abuse in front of him, because I didn’t think he was ready to face that. But since we’ve lived together, and since he’s told me more, I promise you she was aggressively hitting him. Maybe that’s just how you Hatfords function, but it’s not how I function and I fucking _hate her_ and I _hate you_ for not doing something about it.”

Stuart didn’t speak. His obviously waxed brows lowered and his lips pressed together. 

“But do you want to know, Stu? Do you want to know why I _really_ hate you so goddamn much?” Andrew leaned forward like he was telling a secret. “Because after all that, after abandoning him and letting him be fucking homeless after his mother died - because I know you fucking knew - you come here. To _our_ home; to _our_ space. And when he was vulnerable, you tried to fucking take him from me. You tried to fucking swoop him away to London like he could live there and not be caught up in your fucking criminal empire. But you won’t.” He shook his head. “You won’t take him from me. I won’t let you. And if you keep trying, I’m going to make things _real_ difficult for you.”

“Everything okay?” Andrew looked up to see Neil approaching. Once he stood beside him, Neil ran his fingers through the too-long hair Andrew had yet to cut, and Andrew caught it and placed a kiss on his wrist. 

“Perfectly fine,” he said, looking back to Stuart with narrowed eyes. 

* * *

The private plane was the fanciest shit Neil had ever seen, and he’d been on a lot of planes in his life. 

He and Andrew stood staring at it while everyone else boarded. There was yelling and laughing and high fiving, but not from them. Neil looked over at his _partner_. He wore his usual uniform of black skinny jeans and those big boots, with a fitted black knit sweater and his leather jacket over it. On his face he wore his sunglasses instead of his regular glasses - Neil knew they were tucked safely in the inner pocket of his jacket - black old school RayBans, and with his hair falling in his face and his piercings…

~~Sometimes Neil didn’t know what to do with all this attraction sizzling inside of him. He didn’t know where to put it that wasn’t directly on top of Andrew.~~

“You ready?” he asked. Because he had to say something or he was going to burst. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be flying in a tiny tin can of doom,” Andrew mumbled, perfectly blank, perfectly monotone. Neil laughed because it was so _Andrew._ Andrew, who took a deep breath and hiked his bag further up on his shoulder, before making his way to the plane. Neil watched him walk away, hands shoved in his pockets and head down. 

He really was incredible. He didn’t even know it. 

Neil was just about to follow when Stuart stopped next to him, joining in watching Andrew walk up the steps. 

“He’s an asshole,” Stuart said. 

“Yes,” Neil replied, because he was and Neil ~~loved~~ liked that about him.

Stuart put an arm around Neil’s shoulders, and he didn’t know how to feel about that. It _felt_ like it was meant to be a fatherly gesture, but Stuart wasn’t his father. 

Neil Josten didn’t have a father. 

“I like him for you. He’ll protect you. Whatever he has to do, he’ll do it.”

“Yes,” Neil said again, quietly this time. Because it was true and because that really was something amazing, wasn’t it?

Stuart squeezed his shoulder and left him alone, still staring at the plane. 

He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. 

_This is a very good idea_ , he told himself. 

He didn’t know if he believed it, but if he kept saying it, he just might.

* * *

Straight from the airport, they were whisked away in some fancy car and taxied directly to the Rolling Stones headquarters in New York. Andrew wanted a tour so bad. He wanted to see how this set up compared to other places he’d written for before. 

They wanted to do the interview before they took pictures. That was fine with Andrew. He couldn’t really say he was excited for the pictures anyway. He’d never done a real, actual photoshoot that didn’t involve Seth making Austin Powers impressions, so he didn’t know if it’d be more or less annoying.

Everyone was interviewed. They started with the women, Allison, Renee, and Dan, about what it was like being a woman in this field. They even included Robin, which Andrew was glad for. She wasn’t technically in the communications field, but she was still a part of the team. 

Then, Seth and Matt were interviewed together for some reason. They were ‘bros’, so he supposed that made for good media. Andrew didn’t know what that life was like, but it apparently involved a lot of weird handshakes and back slaps. 

He and Neil were left for last, and he was glad that they were put together. He liked having Neil beside him. It made him feel calmer, more centered. They sat in folding chairs that looked like they belonged on a movie set and the interviewer, a woman named Angie who wore denim on denim with big grandpa glasses, sat across from them. Her long dark hair fell in waves over her light denim jacket and her keds were the whitest goddamn keds he’d ever seen. Andrew thought she looked like she belonged with those kids at NYU that tried really hard to let you know they were deep without saying they were deep. 

_Anyway._

A camera recorded them and Renee, as TFN’s PR professional, stood nearby - out of the way, but still visible in case Neil and Andrew got stuck on a question they weren’t sure they should answer. 

“Let me start this interview by just saying I’m totally fangirling right now. I love your podcast and I love your story.” Her accent was so New York. It made Andrew miss this stupid fucking city. 

“Thanks,” Neil said. Andrew didn’t say anything.

“So, let’s talk about this season before we get into everything else. You’re looking for a man you believe to be responsible for the disappearances of multiple girls in the Newark area. Do you feel like you’re any closer to solving the mystery than you were at the beginning?”

Andrew clenched his jaw, because no. He felt like they were further away than ever. He wished Renee would step in and tell this lady to fuck off. 

_But_ it was a completely valid and appropriate question, and the journalist in him knew that.

“Absolutely,” Neil answered. His fake confidence was amazing. “We’ve gotten some really great tips and we think we’ve narrowed some things down. We don’t want to get too deep into what we’ve got at the moment, because we’re still investigating. But we’re confident in what we have.”

Angie pretended like she was writing something. 

She wasn’t. 

“What’s it been like working with Robin? I was able to interview her earlier, and she’s really something.” She pushed her glasses up on her nose. 

Andrew wondered if they were real.

“She’s been the best resource we have,” Andrew answered. “She’s incredibly strong and unbelievably quick. She’s taken this terrible thing that happened to her and turned it into fire, and it’s been amazing to watch. Most of the information we have comes from her.”

Angie nodded. “The interview you guys did with her was absolutely chilling. I cried three times listening to it. How do you handle hearing these things? I feel like it’d be really hard not to take it home with you.”

She had no fucking idea. Or maybe she did. He didn’t think so though. He didn’t think she’d ask that question if she knew. 

“Yeah,” Neil said shortly. “It’s hard sometimes.”

“Andrew, I want to touch on the interview Riko Moriyama just did with Kathy Ferdinand and your response. What was that like for you, hearing Riko wrongfully expose something like that on live television?” Andrew looked to Renee and she walked over to him. She bent down to whisper in his ear. 

“This is your choice,” she said. “We’re fine if you answer, but don’t feel like you have to.” 

Andrew nodded, then looked back to Angie. Neil reached over and squeezed his arm. He saw her eyes zero in on it, but he didn’t really care. He needed that borrowed strength from Neil.

Taking a deep breath, Andrew nodded again to Angie, giving her permission to ask what she wanted. 

“What was that like for you, hearing Riko spill something like that on live television?”

_What do you think it was like?_

“It was…” Andrew sighed and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. He cracked his pinky. “It was… I was stunned, I guess. That information was supposed to be sealed. My name was redacted. So I have no idea how he even got details of the case.” Andrew knew exactly how he got the details, but he wanted everyone else to question it, too.

“You’ve talked before about being in the foster care system. It sounds like you had a pretty rocky childhood.”

Andrew wanted to laugh at that. _Rocky_. Sure. That was one way to put it.

“Yes.”

“Neil, I know yours was no picnic either. Do you think that this kind of... shared trauma I guess is part of why you two work so well together?”

Andrew looked at Neil, and Neil looked back at him. Andrew didn’t really know what to say. Because yes, that _was_ part of the reason. But this was getting into really personal territory, and Andrew was torn between wanting to prove himself a functioning member of society, capable of being in a relationship and wanting to keep what he had close to his chest.

“Yeah, partly,” Neil answered for both of them, and Andrew was glad. “When we met as kids, I think a bond was cemented. We both knew how horrible adults could be to children. But now that we’re older, I think more than a shared trauma, it’s a mutual respect for that trauma. We both have shit, you know? I told Matt this one time and I didn’t really understand how true it was until recently, but we both have baggage that we share. We take each other’s on to lighten the load for the other. But there are times when it gets really fucking heavy, and I think recently we’ve figured out that it’s better to lean on each other when that happens, instead of trying to carry it all ourselves.”

Angie wrote furiously - really this time. Neil looked back to Andrew as if to ask, ‘ _Was that okay?_ ’ and Andrew reached over to squeeze the back of Neil’s neck in response. 

It was okay. 

It was perfect.

* * *

Neil looked at himself in the mirror and tried not to mess with his hair. It’d been styled just so, and they’d put makeup on him, and these _clothes_ were... vampire chic? 

He felt fucking ridiculous. Wearing a black button up shirt with flowy sleeves that ended in lace - _lace_ , for fuck’s sake.

“This is completely impractical,” he muttered to himself, adjusting the sleeves so they weren’t so... _so_. It didn’t work. The shirt was tucked into the tightest black pants he’d ever worn and ended with black boots. 

He turned when he caught sight of Andrew behind him in the mirror. Biting his lip, he was ready for Andrew to laugh. 

He didn’t. 

Andrew just gave him a slow once over that made Neil’s toes curl. 

_Oh..._

He turned to face him, and decided maybe these clothes weren’t so bad... because instead of his lacy Count Dracula shirt, they’d put Andrew in a tight gray one that had laces that traveled down to his navel. It was decidedly unlaced at the moment, so the middle of Andrew's chest showed. 

Neil bit his lip again, but for an entirely different reason.

They’d put him in a pair of tight black pants, too, and he’d somehow managed to hang on to his giant boots. 

“You look…” Andrew started, looking Neil up and down again.

“Stupid?” Neil asked.

“Sexy,” Andrew replied, and Neil could feel the furious blush on his face. He didn’t think Andrew had ever called him sexy... He didn’t really need to, did he? He knew Andrew thought he was... _whatever_ he thought he was. But hearing it out loud? Well. 

That was... _nice_.

When he approached, Neil lifted a hand to trace the outline of one of Andrew's pecs. “You’re not so bad yourself,” he said, meeting Andrew’s eyes, and honestly not believing he just fucking said that. Nonetheless, he wasn’t fucking taking it back - not as Andrew placed his hands on Neil’s hips and pulled him a little closer. 

Before Neil could lean in and kiss him before they had to go, someone came in to tell them it was time. Neil didn’t hide his disappointment as they reluctantly parted and followed. 

Andrew held his hand on the way though, and Neil felt very young and stupid and excited because -

_Because_

Because since they’d been back together, Andrew had been more physical. Not sexually - in fact, they ‘fooled around’ less now than they did before, and that was fine with Neil. Non-sexual intimacy had been a thing between them for a while, but this was frequent and... public. It was _new_ and _different_ and _reassuring_ and 

Neil loved it. He loved being touched. He loved holding Andrew’s hand and running his fingers through Andrew’s hair when they laid on the couch. He loved when Andrew touched his wrist lightly when they were in public, or put his hand at the small of Neil’s back to lead him somewhere. Affectionate touch was something he had so little of in his life, that it sent a small thrill up his spine every fucking time. 

Once they arrived at the studio where the photoshoot took place, everyone was already there. The girls were up first, all dressed in black.

“You look like a coven of witches,” Andrew said, and Allison gave a little bow. 

“What an amazing compliment,” she said, and Robin laughed from her spot in a chair. They’d dressed her in a pair of dark plaid pants and sneakers, and Neil thought they were smart. She looked her age. They didn’t try and put her in a dress she would’ve been uncomfortable in. She looked relaxed, while still matching the others. 

“This is so goth,” Neil said, looking around with his chin pulled back.

The set was dark, the clothes were dark. No one smiled. Everyone looked _‘fierce’_ and stoic, and he guessed that was the point. 

Neil turned at a low whistle. Dion joined them where they watched and looked them up and down. He wasn’t part of the shoot, but Seth insisted on bringing him. No one really cared. Dion was a fixture now.

“ _Damn_. Y’all look fucking hot. Have you seen Seth? I might have to pull his fine ass into a bathroom after this.”

Neil laughed because he thought he was probably supposed to. Andrew didn’t say anything. He just kept watching the flash go off on the camera. He was nervous, Neil realized, and when it was time for pictures of just the two of them, he hesitated. Neil pulled him off to the side.

“You okay?”

Andrew met his eyes. “Yes. I just hate this. I don’t want to pose for a camera.”

“You think I do?”

“I think you probably want to less than me. So why are we here?”

Neil stepped closer and tugged on a piece of Andrew’s hair. “Because,” he said quietly, so no one could hear. “I meant it when I said I would burn the world for you. This is the first spark.”

“You’re a closet arsonist,” Andrew murmured, but his shoulders had relaxed just a little. His eyes held a small glimmer in that _gold._

“Yes. Won’t you join me?” He held out a hand, and Andrew took it.

Neil still felt silly and stiff and awkward during the pictures, but when he leaned against the chair Andrew sat in and Andrew rubbed his back, he thought he was probably doing okay.

* * *

They were wrapped around each other in the hotel room bed. Reynolds had offered her place again, but everyone wanted to stay in the big fancy hotel. 

So they did. 

It was early morning in New York. Grey light filtered in through the gap in the thick curtains. 

The bed was white - so white. White sheets and white pillows and a big white comforter. Neil looked impossibly dark in it. He was half laid on Andrew, his arm thrown over his stomach and face mashed into his chest. He knew Neil wasn’t sleeping - knew he was on that cusp of just-awake when you don’t want to open your eyes quite yet. 

He ran a hand through Neil’s hair and kissed his forehead. Because Andrew was learning that even though he’d been quick and rough and detached from his past hook ups, he liked _gentle_ . He liked _slow_ and _careful_ and he liked _this_ \- the feel of Neil’s body on his. 

He was so _warm_ . His body was hard from running, very occasional weight lifting (when Andrew bugged him enough), and the gift of youth. But his skin? It was _soft_ around the edges of his rough scars and battle wounds. Andrew ran a fingertip down his side, admiring the dip and rise and every ragged edge, and smiled when Neil shivered. 

He opened his eyes and looked up to Andrew. Icy blue and honey gold, inches apart. 

Neil smiled back and whispered, “Your morning breath is awful.”

Andrew gave him a big kiss on the lips in response. Neil laughed and pushed him away.

“What time is it anyway?” he asked, sitting up and stretching. Andrew glanced at the clock by the bed. 

“Six.”

Neil flopped back down and threw an arm over his eyes, “Six?! Why are you even awake? Our plane doesn’t leave for hours.”

It was supposed to leave tonight. He didn’t know why the delay, but he wasn’t going to question it. He couldn’t, anyway. Stuart had flown in with them, but had made himself scarce the entire time they’d been there. He assumed being in Moriyama territory meant he had to lay low. 

_How was trying to figure out the motivations of gangsters his life now?_

~~_Ha. Gangsters._ ~~

“Well, I’m up now,” he said, because really, he’d been up for hours. He’d had to pee for the past 2, but he didn’t want to make Neil get up - didn’t want to lose the warmth of his body. Alas, this was his chance so he stood and went to the bathroom. After he'd gone, splashed water on his face, and brushed his teeth, he came back to find Neil had rolled to the middle of the bed and wrapped himself in the blanket like a burrito. All he could see was a tuft of auburn hair poking out of the top. Andrew hopped on the bed and straddled him, and _laughed_ when Neil let out a loud, _‘oof’_.

“Fuck, you’re heavy. You’re like a sack of concrete.”

“No concrete sacks here.”

“Yes, I know. I've had my mouth-”

Andrew hit him with a pillow before he could finish. “Come on. Get up. Get dressed. We’re going out.”

Neil only grumbled a little. He was usually up around this time anyway for his run, and Andrew was left grumbling. It was nice to flip it. 

~~_So fucking soft Andrew. You’re mush. That’s it._ ~~

They went out - traversing a busy morning-rush subway, and an empty nearly-abandoned Times Square. It was practically deserted but for piles of trash and fat pigeons scavenging through them. The only place open was a tiny Dunkin Donuts on a corner that only had an ordering window. They both got coffee, Andrew a donut, and Neil a muffin. 

They ended up feeding both to the birds. 

Afterwards, they walked all day, taking the subway only when something was too far. Window shopping at Doc Martens, buying Bella and Dylan presents at the Disney Store, they went to Bubby’s for ‘brunch’ and laughed about spilled donuts, and coffee peace offerings, and stupid fucking _fate_.

Andrew had missed his appointment with John, but he thought that was okay. He felt good right now. Even with all this shit with Riko - even with his past laid out in front of him like his guts were spilling out, he felt alright.

“I think I might start going to therapy two days a week instead of three,” Andrew said. 

“I fucking dare you,” Neil responded. 

They didn’t mention it again. 

* * *

Neil marveled at the audacity of the press. 

They we’re at home Thursday night, sitting on their balcony with their cats and their coffee. Andrew had a blanket wrapped around him and a book in his hand that he held too close to his face, just like he always did. It made Neil smile.

Both their phones pinged with a text at the same time. Andrew got to his first and he said, “What the fuck is happening?”

Neil pulled out his phone, curiosity burning up inside him. He opened the text from Seth and clicked the link he sent. It was to a TMZ article*, and Neil was more than confused. 

He saw it. 

He read it. 

He took in the picture. 

This couldn’t be real.

“What the _fuck_?”

There they were, the two of them in New York - walking the deserted streets. The article had words like _‘lovebirds’_ and ‘ _cozying up’_ and Neil was absolutely floored.

“This is insane,” Andrew said, then read, _‘the now infamous interview with Riko Moriyama calling their relationship and Andrew’s mental health into question.’_

Neil stood from his seat. “How the fuck can they just pick this up like this? _‘Andrew’s mental health’_ , like they can just throw that around?”

Andrew was shaking. He was literally vibrating, and just as Neil dropped to his knees in front of him to comfort him, to hold him, to tell him it was _okay Andrew,_ and it didn’t matter, that it would be fine-

He realized Andrew was laughing, his shoulders shaking with it.

Neil leaned back. “Are you fucking laughing?”

Andrew looked at him and let out a laugh that - 

As annoyed as Neil was with this whole situation, Andrew’s laughter was infectious. He slapped him on the thigh lightly, trying to hold back his smile. “Hey, stop that... This is an invasion of privacy!”

Andrew took a deep breath and shook his head. “We got fucking papped like we’re fucking... fucking... I don’t fucking know, whoever they pap nowadays.”

“Elton John?”

Andrew patted him on the cheek. “Thank god you’re good looking.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I’m resigned,” Andrew said, taking a deep breath and using his shoulder to wipe the corner of his eye. “What’ll happen next? It’s just one thing after a-fucking-nother. At least this one I can laugh at.” He stared down at the picture, considering. “It’s a good picture, actually...” he said quietly.

Neil looked at it again and smiled a little more because he couldn’t help it. From what he could see of Andrew’s face, he was smiling - a _real_ smile. The one he only showed Neil, big and bright ~~and _his_ ~~ _._ Neil was smiling too and Andrew had his hand and _and and and_

“Your ass looks amazing in those pants,” he admitted. “I was distracted all day.”

Andrew plunged his hand into Neil’s hair and brought him in for a kiss. “Why do you think I wore them?”

* * *

Seth was in the booth Friday night. He had a ton of shit to do. Kevin wanted a new theme for Dayly Exy and he had a special gig for an Exy benefit in Raleigh next weekend. Matt had gotten him the spot and besides being super fucking excited, it was supposed to be ridiculously swank, so he was trying to put together the perfect playlist.

He was distracted. 

He was always distracted, though. 

It was why he worked so many late nights. He’d start doing one task and get completely distracted by something unrelated, then before he knew it, four hours would’ve gone by and the thing he was supposed to have been doing, wasn’t fucking finished. 

He was taking a break from being distracted though, by distracting himself with the website. He posted the TMZ article, laughing the whole time. He wondered how Andrew would feel about being put on a gossip site like this, but more than that, he smiled as he looked at the picture of Andrew and Neil.

Or as he fondly referred to them, _Andreil._

They looked so _happy_ . Everything about this fucking picture just screamed _together_. Their body language was nuts and they were magnets - drawn together over and over, and he knew when it happened that the breakup wouldn’t last long. How could it, when they were so tightly tied together?

Seth shook his head and scrolled through the asks. He got a text after he posted the article from Andrew. 

_‘Hey, Seth. Thanks for posting the article on the website. I finally have the excuse I needed to punch you. See you soon.’_

Seth laughed again and sent back kissy faces. 

He kept scrolling the website, watching Andrew and Neil answer asks. He stopped when one popped up, brow furrowing. 

It was an obvious cipher. Someone had sent in an entire paragraph and Andrew - smart, Masters Degree, renowned journalist, Andrew - responded like it was a random key smash. 

Seth immediately put it on private as quickly as he could, and found the proper key on line to decode it. 

When he was done, he sat back. 

He read it over and over, heart pounding and wondering, _What next? What could_ **_possibly_ ** _be next?_

He was just about to text Andrew again when his phone rang. It was Dion. Seth took a deep breath, a _relieved_ breath, before answering it.

“Hey, baby.”

* * *

Saturday was Kevin’s birthday and Brianna had something planned, so they celebrated Friday with a small celebration in the office, complete with cake and presents. Kevin had laughed he looked so genuinely happy, Neil couldn’t help but feel some of it, too. He’d even seen him ruffle Andrew’s hair at one point, and Andrew scowled while trying to fix it. It was so long now, he didn’t know quite what to do with it.

But he still hadn’t gotten it cut.

They had dinner at Wymack’s for a family celebration. Brianna had put her hands over Kevin’s eyes when Abby brought out the cake, and Kevin had laughed again. Then when she took her hands away and he looked down at the cake and the candles and his family…

He pulled Brianna down into his lap and kissed her soundly, before closing his eyes and blowing out his candles.

Neil wondered at how far he’d come. He was happy for him because he’d found his family.

Neil had found his, too. The fact that they’d ended up here sharing people they loved…

~~_Fate_ , maybe.~~

That night after dinner, they were in the lounge with Robin, looking through the other houses James had sent them. It was the only time she’d been able to get away from school and exy, and Neil was glad to hear, friends.

Andrew’s phone rang. He looked at it with furrowed brows and showed Neil where it said “Blocked Caller ID”. Neil’s first thought was the Moriyamas. He raised a brow at Andrew to suggest this telepathically, and Andrew hit ignore. 

They called again. And again. And three more times until Andrew finally answered and said, “What the fuck do you want?”

Robin had left to join Seth in the booth. She said she wanted to show him some new music she’d found, and that was probably the only reason why Andrew put it on speaker, his eyes wide and face pale.

_‘-thought I’d give you a call since you seem to be floundering a bit.’_

The voice was distorted, like it was coming out of a machine, and Neil’s blood ran cold. 

Somehow, the cinema trick of a mere fucking voice filter had made it all the more horrifying. He couldn’t even pinpoint why, but the sound of it made his hands shake. 

“Who the fuck is this?” Andrew said, quietly. No one else would notice, Neil thought. No one else would hear it, but he knew Andrew better than he knew himself, and Andrew was _scared_. He waved a hand at Neil and he wasn’t sure how he managed to translate it, but he pulled out his own phone and sat it next to Andrew’s, making sure it was recording.

**RECORD ON**

_‘Well, now. What kind of investigator are you? It’s me. Your monster. It’s_ **_Steven_ ** _.’_

Andrew pressed his lips together. “What do you want?”

_‘Just to chat. I’m so glad you and your beau have gotten back together. You make such a lovely couple. That was my fault wasn’t it? Too much stress?’_

“Fuck you,” Andrew said. Neil stayed quiet. He didn’t want Steven to know he was there... He didn’t know why, it just seemed important.

_‘That’s what you have Mr. Josten for, I’m sure. I’m not into boys I’m afraid.’_

Andrew’s face went red. His lip curled and his teeth showed just barely. No, he wasn’t into boys was he? He was into small girls who couldn’t fucking defend themselves. 

Neil put a hand on Andrew’s neck and squeezed, just like he always did for him. His heart was pounding and he was so fucking angry, but he held it together for Andrew. They needed to keep _Steven_ talking. 

“You’re fucking sick, you know? Where’s Haylie?”

_‘I’m afraid she’s not Haylie anymore. She’s mine now, you see. I’ve had her for quite a while. I must say, I’m disappointed, but not surprised. I thought you’d make things hard for me. If it makes you feel any better, she’s been well taken care of.’_

“Don’t fucking touch her,” Andrew growled.

Steven laughed. _‘I haven’t touched her yet. No, she’s not ready. Soon, though. She’s not my usual flavor, but she’s very sweet. I hope to have her for a long time. By the rate you’re going, it seems like you’re not going to stop me, so I’ll get that chance.’_

“So confident, are you? Hiding in your big house with your friends and your parties.”

Steven went quiet, and Neil thought Andrew had surprised him just a bit. 

Andrew pounced. “Do they know Steven? Do they know how fucking depraved you are? You should let Haylie go... Let her go and we’ll stop this. We’ll stop looking and drop the whole thing.”

They wouldn’t, Neil knew. Andrew would stop at nothing to find him. 

_‘No, I don’t think I will. How is my little bird*, by the way? She was always my favorite. So small and quiet.’_

Neil heard a noise from behind them, and turned to see Robin choking on a sob. She stood there with her hand over her mouth and her eyes wide and shining and -

“Fuck,” Neil said, and immediately stood to go to her. 

_‘Is that Mr. Josten I hear? Or should I say Wes-’_

Andrew hung up the phone.

[ redacted ]

Neil stood next to Robin. He didn’t want to touch her - didn’t want to startle her. She hadn’t moved though, and the only difference was that the tears began to spill from her eyes. Her hand still covered her mouth.

“Go get Dan,” Andrew automatically said, coming quickly from around the couch. She was still there, only because Robin was. It was a late night tonight and she was going to drive Robin back to her dorm and make sure she got in okay. 

Neil didn’t hesitate. 

Andrew took his spot at Robin’s side and talked to her quietly. His voice was a deep rumble, and it comforted _him_. He hoped it comforted Robin, too. 

He stuck his head in Dan’s office.

“Dan.”

She looked up at him and stood at the look on his face. “What happened?”

“Robin needs you.”

She brushed past him and practically ran to where she could hear Andrew still talking. As soon as Robin caught sight of her, she collapsed - she fell into Dan’s arms and finally, the sobs came... Finally the dam broke and she crumbled before them. 

Dan pulled her over to the couch and sat down with her, holding her, and rocking her, and telling her it would be _okay_. 

~~Neil wasn’t sure it would be.~~

Andrew stared at them with a blank face. Neil reached over and slowly linked his pinky with Andrew’s. Andrew laced their fingers together, and pulled Neil’s hand to his chest. 

He closed his eyes, and Neil closed his, too.

**RECORD OFF**

* * *

They didn’t talk about what had happened until the next day. Saturday. 

Andrew called them all to a meeting. 

The mood was somber. 

Robin wasn’t present. 

Dan wasn’t either, so she’d sent Lloyd in her place to make sure she knew exactly what happened. She didn’t want to leave Robin and Andrew agreed. He made sure Robin had contacted her therapist, but that felt like a very small thing in the scheme of what she was most likely dealing with. 

“How is she?” Seth asked Lloyd, and he smiled sadly, because he always smiled - even if he was sad, like now; or angry; or confused. He always _fucking_ smiled. 

“She’s okay, I think. She was really shaken up last night, but she was able to talk to her therapist and Dan’s been taking care of her. We tried to get her to call her parents, but she refused... Said they’d come down here and snatch her out of school.”

Seth shrugged. “Maybe they should.”

“You don’t really think that,” Renee said, sounding surprised. “She deserves to live her life.”

“I know, I know,” Seth sighed, shaking his head and looking down to his phone in his hand, flipping it over and over and checking it every time it came face up. Andrew wondered when Dion was supposed to move here. “I’m just worried about her... I always thought her parents were overkill, you know? Keeping her like... fucking stuck in this bubble. But not gonna lie, I kind of want to put her in that bubble.”

“I think we all do,” Matt said, sitting next to Seth. “But she should be able to decide for herself.”

_Right._

Andrew cut in once everyone had finally quieted down. “You’ve all heard the call. We need to talk about what we’re going to do with it.”

“You want to post it?”

Andrew chewed his lip ring. 

_Do I?_

He was so torn. 

_Yes. I do,_

Because he wanted people to take this seriously.

He wanted the cops to wake up. 

_Wake the_ **_fuck_ ** _up._

 _Andrew_ wasn’t an attention seeking entertainer. He was a journalist and he was running an investigation. He knew what he was fucking talking about, and releasing this recording would make people sit up and take notice. 

But. _But._ He didn’t want to give Steven what he knew he craved - didn’t want to give him the attention he was so obviously fucking desperate for. The bastard thought himself a god. Invincible. Indestructible. Andrew didn’t want to encourage that.

_But, but, but_

“Here’s what I want to do first,” he decided. “Seth, can you take this apart? I don’t know if we’ll find anything, but can you pinpoint background noise? I want to know where he is. If we can hear something,” he shook his head, gesturing and trying to explain. “Traffic or people or _something,_ maybe we can figure out where he is.”

Seth nodded. “ _Don’t Fuck with Cats_ style, yeah. Okay. I can do that. May take me a bit to deconstruct, but I can try.”

“Good,” Andrew said, and released a breath. “I have to give it to the cops. We have no choice now. We have him on tape _admitting_ he took Haylie. They _have_ to take this seriously now. They have to take _us_ seriously.”

Neil sat close to him, and pressed his shoulder against Andrew’s. 

Andrew pressed back.

“And if they don’t?” Renee asked.

“Then they don’t. But no matter what, we keep doing what we’re doing.”

* * *

They were together that night. 

It happened like that, sometimes. 

Sudden, unexpected, borne of _something_ besides just a need to get off.

 _Sometimes_ it was desperate. 

Every line of Andrew’s body was desperate. He was all hands and hot mouth and quiet whispers of _Neil Neil Neil,_ and Neil whispered back _yes yes yes_ and he watched - no - _felt_ as Andrew took him apart piece by piece. He watched his face as his hand disappeared out of sight between Neil’s legs. _Lower lower lower,_ until finally Neil arched into it, and he had to close his eyes against the wave.

But that was fine. 

It was _okay_. 

Because Neil made Andrew lay back after.

Made him _receive_. 

_Take this from me_ , he wanted to say. 

_Have it and keep it and look at it again and again when you’re sad_. 

He tried to tell Andrew with his own hands and hot mouth and quiet whispers, and finally, when he had his mouth full of his _lover_ , Andrew arched back and closed his eyes against the wave. 

When it was over, and they were boneless and exhausted, and Neil had buried his face in Andrew’s neck like always, the words were there. They frothed on his tongue and he pressed it against the back of his teeth to try and keep them in. 

But this man... 

_This man this man this man_. 

This man was the end and the beginning, and Neil was still _desperate_. 

He still felt so fucking desperate for him to know.

But he held it in.

And closed his eyes.

And whispered it in his head.

_I love you._

* * *

Andrew woke up alone. 

That wasn’t unusual. 

Neil was always the first one awake to go on his morning run because he was obviously insane. 

Andrew rolled to his side and pulled the blanket over his head, determined to get at least another hour of sleep.

His eyes closed.

_Buzz_

And they snapped back open.

Something was _wrong_. 

His bee burned. 

Sitting up, he pulled the blanket down and looked around. 

Everything seemed normal. 

Their room was fine... Their clothes from the night before were still thrown about the floor. They’d been too lazy to do anything with them after pulling on pajamas and collapsing into a sated sleep. The clock on the table and Neil’s exy stick still peeked at him from the closet... The cat toys he forgot and stepped on every morning - 

All fine.

He inhaled a deep breath. His anxiety was acting up more than usual, that’s all. His ear burned because of -

~~_No_ _._ ~~

_Still_ , he reached for his phone and called Neil. 

It rang from the other room, which meant Neil must still be here... 

“What are you doing?” Andrew called. 

No answer. 

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and his heart quickened as the _buzz buzz buzz_ began to take hold and -

He put a hand over his chest like he could slow the beating. 

He swung his legs out of bed and shoved his glasses on his face. 

He hurried out of the room, out of the door, into the living room and

He froze.

His heart stopped - it stopped dead in his chest and he wondered for just a fleeting moment, _Am I dying? Am I dead? Is this a dream?_

Because standing there in the middle of the room was Neil. _His_ Neil, dressed in his running clothes, but no sneakers. 

His eyes were bright and his jaw was set, and standing next to him with an arm wrapped around his neck and a gun pressed to his head, was the same Moriyama lacky they’d seen in the New York Times office.

A voice. 

A voice on a phone laid on their coffee table spoke, and Andrew wanted to take that spark that Neil had given him and burn a _fucking_ **_empire_**.

 _‘Has Mr. Minyard joined us?_ ’ Ichicrou asked through the phone. 

No one said anything. Andrew realized they probably didn’t have to. 

‘ _Excellent. Let’s get started_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
> 
> Yyeaaahhhhhhhh  
> Stay tuned ^^ This part of the story will be continued in two weeks. But, in between now and then, we have 1 oneshot, and 1 update to post. Hopefully the oneshot will be posted tomorrow in BTP (behind the pod), which you can find [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20396083/chapters/48377791). The update, we hope to post Sunday or Monday, and will be posted on our [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> . So keep an eye out for that, because it's extremely fucking important :)
> 
> Thank you, as always, for the absolutely amazing fucking support. We don't know what happened, but RRP has seen a sudden surge in activity and it has us really fucking excited. We're so happy to see people interacting with the page again and getting involved! WHICH AGAIN! SPEAKING OF! If you want to be a part of the story, send us in a tip at foxholenetwork@gmail.com or njosten.foxhole@gmail.com!!! Thank you to all the tips we've gotten so far! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated. They literally make our fucking day and seeing some of you either rereading old chapters or starting rrp for the first time is really amazing and we love to see your reactions! So thank you, thank you, a million times thank you <3
> 
> Keep up with us on our socials!!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> Referenced Posts from the chapter:  
> [Rolling Stones Article](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/611083417686327296/read-our-interview-with-rolling-stone-here-full)  
> *[TMZ Article](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/190953572405/my-dads-are-back-together-tmz-cares-about-us)  
> [Email Response about niece](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/190808185795/important)  
> * [Kathy Ferdinand Poster/responses by Andrew and Neil](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/190832500585/redrabbitspod-read-the-interview-transcript)  
> Harmen! If you havent read about Seth's past, make sure you read his BTP chapter, which can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20396083/chapters/48606839)  
> !


	8. Update 3/8/20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So. Listen.  
> We wanted to get this out asap. So there may be typos, there may be grammar issues. Well go through it again to re-edit it all sometime this week (honestly, I, bloodydamnit, probably will tomorrow when i finally reread this). But for timelines sake, this is an extremely important chapter.  
> A lot of amazing things happen here. And some pretty shitty things too. We debated whether or not to do what we ended up doing at the end, but it had to be done in order for other events to follow... It... it hurts... And we're really fucking sorry... but yall trust us, right...?  
> Alright. So without spoiling too much, there IS explicit sexual content here. We had to have it. We could've censored it, but we didn't. It's not EGREGIOUS. But it is explicit, and if you dont want to read it then follow the *'s. If you do ^^ then enjoy ^^  
> Also, during said explicit scene, [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMyRfIpNvPs) is the song we have in our heads. We love it and I (Jeni182) had it on repeat for days!  
> more triggers:  
> Sexual content  
> Referenced sexual content  
> Alcohol  
> Mention of past addictions  
> Self harm scars mention  
> Explicit violence 
> 
> Now. Things happen here. There's no way to avoid spoilers by letting you know the triggers and we don't want to spoil those that don't mind. so, if you have specific triggers, then please utilize the 'See MORE NOTES' button to jump to the endnotes to read the specific triggers. If you don't and you're pretty much fine, THEN DONT LOOK.
> 
> Okay. That's it. Don't forget to read Seth's last BTP chapter, Pinecone before you read this one. You can find it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20396083/chapters/48606839)  
> ! :) VERY IMPORTANT. ITLL HELP YOU UNDERSTAND.

_‘Has Mr. Minyard joined us?’_ Silence. Andrew couldn’t speak. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, locked up his muscles, set his jaw tight and pulse high. _‘Excellent. Let’s get started.’_

He found his voice about two seconds later. 

“Let him go.” It was rough. Wrong. Forced through clenched teeth. “Let him go _right fucking now_.” He somehow made to step towards Neil, but stopped when the silent lackey squeezed Neil’s neck tighter and dug his gun in just a little harder, making his hair ruffle around it. Neil shook his head at Andrew, even as he choked.

_‘Ah, Andrew. May I call you Andrew? I feel like we’re on such familiar terms lately. Andrew, you see, you don’t seem to be able to take a hint. How many times do I have to threaten you? And yet you still go after my brand? In fact, I heard you did an interview with Rolling Stone last week. How many times did you invoke the Moriyama name? Shall I shoot your lover here, once for every time you uttered it?’_

“Do it and I swear to god, you haven’t _seen_ me go after your brand. Everyone will know it was you.” His eyes didn’t leave Neil’s face. It was red where the man was squeezing, but he didn’t look panicked. No, he looked fucking pissed. 

~~_This is the second time he’s had a gun to his head because of you, Andrew._ ~~

_That’s when Ichirou picked up the gun and studied it for a second. He then leaned forward, and Andrew watched in slow motion as he held it to Neil’s forehead, right between his eyes._

_Ichirou cocked his head, brows furrowing. “Or would it? It would be very easy, I think. I could make it happen and suffer the consequences. It would take an awful lot of money to make it disappear,” he said conversationally - like he was talking to them, or himself._

_Andrew’s hand was still on Neil’s leg and he squeezed even tighter. His mind ran through the possibilities, but there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t move - couldn’t breathe. Neil, for his part, didn’t even blink. He stared Ichirou right in the face, like he was daring him to pull the trigger_.

 _‘They won’t, though. You could blame me all you want, but you’re unstable. Haven’t you heard? Your mental health will be called into question and everyone will wonder what it was that made you snap and kill your boyfriend.’_ ~~_So that’s how it’s going to be? Andrew Minyard, shot his boyfriend in their palmetto apartment and -_ ~~ _‘And that’s why we’re here, really. It seems that I can’t get through to you with threats to your person. Maybe threats to those around you will work better. Perhaps that happy family in the picture by your door?’_

_Buzz_

Andrew’s eyes flicked to the picture in question. There was a framed photo that Neil had found and put up of Aaron and Katelyn and the girls. His breaths came quicker.

 _‘You have a twin, how fun. And I loved your sweet sentiment on the website. ‘_ If you’re like me and have nieces you’d lay down your life for _.’’_

Andrew sucked in a breath and tried not to panic. If they hurt the girls - 

Would they do that? Would they hurt baby Dylan? Bella? 

_Think, Andrew. Think._

He threw his glasses onto the nearby couch and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes, hard. He started pacing.

“Stop,” he said through gritted teeth. “Just... stop. You can’t just fucking do this. You come into my home and threaten my partner and now you’re threatening my family?” He dropped his hands and turned towards the phone. “All because I was _forced_ to respond to the bullshit your lap dog spewed? Did you tell him what to say? Because from where I’m standing, he forced my hand.”

_‘Did he?’_

“I _had_ to respond to that. Are you fucking kidding me? I _had_ to say something. You want to play this game? Fine.” He glanced towards Neil and the fire in his eyes. He tried to take strength from it. He could talk them out of this... he knew he could. 

Directing his attention back to the phone, he continued without missing a beat. “Then you need to teach Riko the fucking rules. He’s going to be your downfall, mark my fucking words. People would know there was more going on if I hadn’t responded. My listeners know me. They know I wouldn’t just let it slide and they’d wonder why the fuck I would back down against the Moriyamas. _He_ hurt you, _he_ hurt your brand by suggesting people with mental health issues are unstable. Whether you think that’s true or not, for him to say it outloud is a liability to you. Don’t put this shit on me.”

Ichirou was quiet for a few seconds, and there was nothing but the harsh sound of his own breathing and Neil struggling quietly. Everything in his body screamed at him to lunge for Neil again. 

He obviously didn’t. 

His body was stupid. That was the easiest way to get a bullet in Neil’s brain. 

Finally,

_‘Perhaps you’re not completely wrong. Riko is a tad... let’s say rough around the edges. It was growing up with Tetsuji, you know. He’s practically a mongrel.’_

Andrew wanted to tell Ichirou he really didn’t give a fuck. He didn’t care about their family drama, about second sons getting thrown away, or fucking any of this. He just needed this guy to let Neil go. 

_Right_ **_fucking_ ** _now_.

_‘Still, your disobedience can’t be ignored. Kōgeki.’_

The man holding Neil loosened his grip fractionally, Andrew assumed to hurt him somehow, but it was all Neil needed. He elbowed the man in the stomach and pushed him off. ‘Kōgeki’ came right back, first raised and ready, but Andrew got in the way, pushing Neil behind him and taking the punch to the face that was meant for Neil. Andrew’s head snapped to the side, and just as he was reaching for a knife, he realized he didn’t have his bands on. 

That probably would’ve been stupid, too. 

Ichirou spoke again before either of them could sink into impulsion. _‘Enough. We’ll speak again soon. Remember what I’ve said here and remember what I’m capable of. Oh, and good luck with your little investigation. I’ll be listening.’_

The phone cut off. Neil grabbed onto Andrew’s arm as they watched the man stow his gun away and pick up the phone from the coffee table. 

“Come here again, and you’ll fucking regret it,” Neil said over Andrew’s shoulder. The man looked at Neil amused, as if he was a small child. “I’m the Butcher’s son. I could cut you up into so many fucking pieces, your own mother wouldn’t recognize you.”

“Neil,” Andrew whispered, even though the man could certainly hear him. “I need you to shut the fuck up right now.” He could almost hear Neil grind his teeth. 

The man nodded at them once like they were passing on the fucking street before he left the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind him.

* * *

Andrew whirled on Neil and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him close and breathing hard. They sank to the floor, sitting across from each other with Neil’s head on Andrew’s chest. 

Andrew was squeezing so, so tight and Neil didn’t want him to stop.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “Neil, are you fucking okay?” He pushed Neil back and started patting him all over, checking for injuries. “Did he hurt you? Did he do anything before I woke up? Jesus fuck how long were you out here? I’m sorry-”

“Andrew,” Neil said, wrapping a hand around his neck. “I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me.” He met Andrew’s eyes and leaned until their foreheads touched. He didn’t know how he was so calm - didn’t know how he wasn’t having a panic attack. All he knew was that Andrew was unraveling, and he needed to stay together for him.

“He hurt _you_ , though. Why the fuck did you do that? Don’t _ever_ fucking do that, Andrew.” Neil shook him a little to emphasize his point. He leaned back and touched the bruise on Andrew’s cheek.

Andrew looked outraged. “You expect me to just let someone fucking hurt you?”

“Don’t do it again,” Neil said, taking Andrew’s face in both hands and careful not to hurt his cheek. “If someone comes for me, you stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?”

“If it means losing you, then no.”

Neil wanted to argue. He wanted to tell him that he was being stupid - that he would stand in the line of fire for Neil? He hated that... He fucking hated it but he loved ~~_him_~~ it so much. So, instead of arguing, he kissed him, willing both their hearts to slow. 

Andrew sighed when Neil pulled away, and laid his forehead on Neil’s shoulder. “Why are you such a fucking smart mouth? I’m the butcher’s son? What the fuck Neil? What foot do you have to stand on when you’ve got that fucking word vomit problem?”

Neil laughed a little, and it sounded choked and just a touch hysterical. “My father was good for absolutely nothing, but if invoking his name will do anything towards protecting you, I’ll do it.”

Andrew shook his head on Neil’s shoulder and then straightened and stood. He helped pull Neil up and collected his glasses from the couch without letting go of his arm -

_Like he’s afraid I’ll disappear any moment._

~~_I love you._ ~~

“We’re moving.”

Neil blinked. “What?”

“We’re not staying here.”

“Andrew, they’ll be able to find us anywhere we go.” Neil knew how he felt. Having someone in their space like this felt like such an invasion. He felt violated, yes, but he also knew that moving to get away from them would be futile.

“I know that. But there’s no security here. I want a fucking house or something where we can install a security system and cameras and whatever else. I don’t want to be taken by surprise again.”

Neil watched as Andrew gingerly touched his cheek, moving his jaw to make sure it was still intact. He sighed and walked to the fridge, pulling out a bag of frozen peas that had been there since Neil moved in. He was 82% sure was used solely for this purpose. Wrapping it in a towel, he stood in front of Andrew and gently applied it to the blossoming bruise on the bone of his unscarred cheek. 

“Okay,” he eventually said, meeting Andrew’s eyes. “We’ll move. But I’m calling Stuart.”

* * *

They gathered the cats and their things, and slept at Kevin’s that night. Andrew didn’t want to stay in the apartment and he didn’t want to worry Bee. Kevin paled when they told him what happened, but he held it together better than Andrew thought he would. 

“That was smart,” he said, pulling towels out of a linen closet for them. “Blaming Riko. I don’t know if it’ll work but at least you got him to pause.” He held the towels in his hands, looking down at them and rubbing his thumbs over the soft material. “I’ll help however I can.” Kevin inhaled a deep breath and looked up at both of them, but ultimately landed on Andrew. “Stand with you. I’ve been afraid for a long time...”

He didn’t continue his thought, but Andrew didn’t need him to. He _had_ been afraid for a long time, and he was done living his life that way. Andrew understood. And if he had it in him, he might’ve given Kevin a hug. Instead he nodded and followed Neil to the guest room.

They went into the office the next morning like normal. Neil didn’t want to tell the others what happened, and Andrew agreed even though it wouldn’t be the easiest to explain the deep purple swell on his cheek. Nonetheless, making up some stupid excuse would be better than mixing them all up in this. If Ichirou’s plan was to go after those close to Andrew, it would be Neil, Aaron, or Bee. 

Which was bad enough.

He didn’t need to worry about the others, too. 

So they stayed quiet. Any questionable looks they got, the more ludicrous the excuses became which included, but not limited to, small bar fight, tripping and hitting himself on the way down, and getting into a heavily fisted fight with King over fish treats. 

Obviously no one believed him, but so long as they got the message not to ask, they didn’t. Not even Seth, which was a small miracle on its own. 

Anyway, they spent the morning looking at places online. Together, they’d decided that a house on its own just wouldn’t do. An apartment was handy because there were always people around - witnesses that could hear screaming. However, the downside was that there were no secure apartments in Palmetto. And while they could probably find something in Columbia, neither of them wanted to be that far away from the studio or the team in case of an emergency. 

So, they settled on a townhouse - close enough to others to raise alarm from witnesses if need be, and they would be able to install a security system if there already was not one. Marking a few places in their process, Seth eventually walked in Andrew’s office, knocking softly on the door. 

Andrew narrowed his eyes. Seth never knocked or did anything quietly.

“What’d you do?” Andrew asked, turning back to the computer.

“Woah, hey. That’s...that’s fuckin rude.” Andrew didn’t respond and Neil laughed quietly from his spot in his chair, Sir purring in his lap. “Really it would be what did _you_ do,” Seth gestured towards his cheek and when Andrew glared at him, he groaned and dropped it. 

“Out with it,” Andrew said, sticking to task. “We’ve got appointments to make.”

“Yeah? What y’all got goin’ on?” He walked further in and Andrews glare just got deeper. “Not with your cheek that you definitely got from something either embarrassing or dangerous that you don't want us to know, but I won’t ask.” He looked and gestured towards Andrew’s computer. “Oh shit, you’re moving?” Seth gasped and that was enough to send him on a tangent. “Dion moves in this week and I swear to god he’s got ten times the shit I do and it’s all clothes... Find anything good? I don’t want to be too far from campus but-”

“ _Seth_.”

Seth let out a breath and moved to lean against the wall near the door. 

“So, last week a lot of shit happened. We got the call and Robin was upset and shit was fucked up...”

Andrew turned to face him again, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. Whatever this was, Seth fucked something up.

“Yes?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the floor. “I was in the booth Friday night, you know when I posted the TMZ article?”

“How could we forget,” Neil muttered.

“Haha, right. Yeah. So I posted the article and I was looking through the asks and one popped up that you answered. It looked like a key smash, like they were excited about the article.”

Andrew nodded. “I remember. And?”

“And... it wasn’t a key smash.”

Andrew raised a brow. “What do you mean it _wasn’t_ a key smash?”

Seth stood up straight. “It was a cipher. You know, like a hidden message? Honestly, bro, I don’t know how the fuck you didn’t realize.” He was talking faster now, using his hands. “I saw it and immediately put it on private and decoded it. Look, I have it here.” He pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Andrew. 

“You’ve known about this since Friday, and you’re just now telling us?” Andrew clenched his jaw. If this was something important…

“I got distracted! Listen, I’m sorry. Dion called, then Robin came into the booth and then we got the phone call, and I was just so fucking worried about her and then _I_ called _Dion_ because-”

“Stop.” 

He did. 

Andrew unfolded the piece of paper and read:

_The Moriyamas have someone high up in the NYPD who covers up their human trafficking shit. I'm not saying he's involved in the Newark 9, I'm just saying he's the kind of man who takes money and lets children be bought and sold. I know, because he facilitated my visa and custody paperwork when I came here from France. His name is Otis Harrison. You didn't hear this from me._

Andrew slowly looked back up at Seth with a blank face. He was practically fucking sweating. He handed the piece of paper over to Neil without a word. 

“Fuck,” Neil whispered. “It’s never ending with these fucking people... We’re trying to find Steven and we’re having to fight two battles.”

Seth shook his head. “I can’t wait to be done with this. Whatever y’all pick next season, make it something... just... not this. I’m sorry I forgot. I think I probably just didn’t want to think about it. Now they’re buying and selling children? For fucking what?”

“Don’t do this again,” Andrew said. He wasn’t really mad at Seth, but if this had been something urgent… “If you get something, you bring it straight to me or Neil.”

Seth nodded and shrugged. “You’re the boss.” He left the room without another word. 

Neil shook his head. “This is Jean.”

“I know.”

“We need to talk to Kevin about this.”

“I know. He’s not here on Monday’s and we have shit to do. This will keep. We’ll get him tonight.”

Truthfully, Andrew couldn’t think about it right now - not with everything that had happened yesterday and the phone call from Steven. It was too fucking much. What the fuck were they supposed to do about this anyway? Call the NYPD and say, ‘hey you know your guy Otis? He’s fucking trafficking children for the Moriyamas.’ Because that’s worked _so well_ for them in the past.

Neil sighed and held Sir up from his lap to bump his forehead against hers. “Okay. We’re supposed to meet Stuart now anyway.”

* * *

“What the fuck happened to you?” Stuart, polite as ever, said as they approached the back table in the same restaurant Neil met him last time. 

From beside him, he could literally feel the glare rolling off Andrew, and decided not to bring it up yet. They had something else to ask, first. 

“What do you know about the Moriyama’s trafficking children?” 

Neil sat down beside Andrew and immediately leaned back in his seat, trying to hide a laugh with a cough. Not from the question, but from the way Stuart looked at him, face going nearly as purple as the bruise on Andrews cheek. 

“Are you insane?” he whispered harshly, leaning across the table towards them. “Lower your voice for fuck’s sake.”

They stopped briefly for the waiter to take their orders, but Andrew wasn’t deterred.

“We got a message saying they were trafficking children and I want to know what you know.” Andrew peeled off his jacket and set it to the side, and in a show of chivalry that can only come from him seeing Neil almost murdered ~~_(again)_ ~~ ~~,~~ he helped Neil out of his own jacket and set it down with his. Stuart didn’t miss it.

“I don’t know much. I know that they do sometimes... obtain children for debts owed from families. They play exy in the nest, sometimes they’re trained to work for the family...” Stuart shrugged. 

Neils eyes narrowed. “What kind of work?” He asked. Andrew tightened his hand on Neil’s thigh. 

“They’re not buying child sex slaves, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Stuart sighed, exasperated as he leaned forward and stared at them. But then his gaze eased and he looked to be thinking about it. Sitting back, he fixed his answer, “Not that I’ve heard, anyway. From my understanding, they’re trained in exy or killing or whatever, and then they’re used for those purposes. They’re provided for in the meantime.”

~~_How kind._ ~~

“Can you ask around?” Andrew asked. “Make sure? Get more details?”

Stuart looked at Andrew with raised brows. “So eager to take my help now, are you? What happened to ’ _fuck you Stuart_ ’?

“Fuck you, Stuart. I guess I’m a little on edge since I woke up yesterday morning to find a large Japanese man with an arm wrapped around Neil’s neck and a gun to his head.”

Stuart’s eyes bugged and his head whipped to Neil. “What’s this? Is this the truth? That’s what that’s fucking from?” He pointed to Andrews cheek without looking at him. Stuart only stared at Neil. At his nephew. 

Neil just nodded, clenching his jaw, because as much as he knew they needed Stuart’s help, he was still annoyed about having to take it. Old habits, he supposed. He didn’t want to feel indebted to him. But this was for their safety. For Bee and Aaron, Katelyn and the girls.

For Andrew. 

Stuart looked furious. “How fucking dare they? No, this won’t do.” He pulled out his phone and started typing furiously. “Give me 24 hours and let me see what I can do.”

“Do?” Neil asked. Stuart looked up at him like he was stupid.

“Yes, nephew, _do_. You don’t expect me to sit here and let this slide?”

Neil sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was sure that just made it look even more ridiculous, but he was antsy. He’d felt like he wanted to jump out of his goddamn skin since yesterday. 

“Were you not the one who wanted to start a war? The one who asked me if Riko would be one of the many to die?”

He felt Andrew lean back slowly and look at him from the side. Neil pressed his lips together. 

“Something’s come up,” he told Stuart. 

“Such as?”

“He’s threatened my family,” Andrew said, looking back to Stuart. “My brother and his children. He threatened to kill Neil to punish me. And as much as I’d love a direct attack to wipe them out, I can’t risk him going after someone close to me in retaliation.”

Stuart set his phone back down. “Sneak attack, then.” He stared into the middle distance, twirling a ring on his finger over and over again. “You’re moving of course?”

“Yes,” Andrew replied, and Neil rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t you look like that,” Stuart pointed to Neil. “The place you’re in now isn’t secure.”

Neil threw his hands up. “Neither is anywhere else we would go!”

“Ah, see. That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve got a team of guys coming in,” he said, tapping his phone. “I’ll make sure they bring my tech expert. We’ll get you into a place where we can put in a security system. Motion sensors, cameras, the whole lot. You need security?”

“Yes,” Andrew said, before Neil could answer. “We need it outside our place, but also for Aaron and Bee.”

“I’m sorry?”

“We need it for his brother and his family in Chicago, and Andrew’s mother, Bee. Someone near the studio would probably be good as well.”

“Chicago? Listen, I’m going to provide for you as you’re family-”

“No, _you_ listen,” Neil said. “These people _are_ my family.” Andrew laced their fingers together under the table, and Neil could feel the gratitude radiating from his warm palm.

“Think of this as making amends,” Andrew said. “You weren’t there for him like you should’ve been. Now’s the time you get to make up for that.”

Stuart pressed his lips together and glared at Andrew. “Fine. _Fine_. I’ll just bring half my team overseas to take care of this. Elizabeth is going to have kittens when I tell her.”

_Elizabeth?_

“Elizabeth?” Neil asked, wondering wildly for a moment if Stuart had some kind of in with the queen. 

“My sister, your aunt.”

Neil blinked. “My mother never mentioned a sister. It was always just you. You’re telling me she had more siblings?” For some reason, he was offended. His mother never shared this with him... Just another thing on a long list of things she hadn’t told him, he supposed _._

“Yes, well. They never got on very well, did they? She’s the middle child and I think she always resented Mary for being the baby. Our parents doted on her, you know. And they were positively devastated when she married Nathan...” Stuart sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “They never stopped trying to get her home, but Elizabeth wrote her off as dead as soon as she left.”

_Huh..._

Neil leaned back in his seat, still holding on to Andrew. They’d practically been attached since yesterday - constantly touching, always close by... they’d been rattled ~~again~~. It felt completely different than their last near death, gun-to-his-fucking-head experience... No. This time, they were already closer than they’d ever been and yesterday had done nothing but make their bond even stronger somehow.

All Neil wanted to do was make sure Andrew was okay. He _needed_ him in his line of sight at all times and it was a feeling that he couldn’t really explain. For Andrew it seemed to be the same. Together, sight and touch - _feeling_ each others pulse jump beneath their skin was reassurance. 

They were _okay_ . They were _alive_. They were as safe as two men like them could be. And for now, that was enough. 

_Anyway._

“Does she know about me?” He asked, stroking Andrew’s thumb with his own. 

“Of course she does. I’m technically in charge of the whole operation, but she’s my second in command. She knows where I am and why.” Stuart was busy typing away on his phone and Neil watched him for a second, wondering what else he didn’t know.

Then,

“What are we?” he asked abruptly.

Stuart looked up with a furrowed brow. “Sorry?”

_Well,_

“I mean, we’re so dark. Nathan was as white as you can really get. Mum was darker, but I feel like I’m even darker than she was.” He didn’t know why he wanted to know all of a sudden. He’d never bothered asking his mum, because it wasn’t exactly on their list of priorities. But now... maybe he just wanted to connect with family that wasn’t tied to his father. Family in _general,_ even if it wasn’t _really_ his own. 

_“No,_ **_you_ ** _listen,” Neil said. “These people_ **_are_ ** _my family.”_

Stuart smiled fondly at him. “Indian. Your great grandfather was from Hyderabad, and worked in the pearl and diamond trade. He made a name for himself and a lot of favors. He hopped over to the UK and turned those favors into an operation that made him more money and friends in high places than any other criminal organization in the country. He married your great grandmother somewhere along the way, god rest both their souls...” Stuart tilted his head side to side and then pointed to him. “And then, your grandmother - my, Elizabeth, and your mother’s mother - is Jewish. _Her_ father's name was Abram and he adored Mary... hence-“ he flourished his hand, “Nathaniel Abram.”

He decidedly left out _Wesninski,_ Neil noted, but he let it all roll around in his head. “Jewish was almost a given,” Andrew said, quietly by his side. “But Indian... huh. So this really is like a family legacy thing you’ve got going here.”

“It really is, which is why I’d love to bring you back into the fold. Even if you didn’t work for us, Neil. We’d still like to have you home.”

~~_Don’t do it, Nathaniel._ ~~

Neil sighed and shut his mother's voice out of his head. He could make his own decisions now and he’d decided he wasn't going with Stuart. Ever. But he also didn’t want to run the risk of him pulling out of helping them with security. 

Andrew let go of his hand and moved it around to Neil’s back, rubbing around in small circles. Neil leaned into it, not caring that Stuart was there - that he was watching. 

He was sad when the food came and Andrew had to let go.

* * *

They spent the next day searching for the perfect place. Stuart was with them the entire time, discussing entry and exit points, camera angles and wiring. Andrew had temporarily put aside his animosity in order to obtain the best possible security. 

Thankfully, Stuart had already put someone on Aaron and Bee. He’d reassured the both of them that neither would know they were being followed (which was in their best interests), but that someone would have eyes on them at all times. Apparently they were trained bodyguards and could handle a threat quickly and discreetly. Which, Andrew could admit, put his mind to semi-rest. 

Presently, they stood in the middle of a townhouse Stuart had picked for them, when Andrew asked the realtor about installing a security system and what would be allowed within the terms of the lease.

“Lease?” He looked to Stuart before back at Andrew. “You know this is a sale right? Not a rental?”

 _What the fuck?_

He looked to Stuart only to find that he was very pointedly ignoring him. 

“Can you give us a minute?” The man smiled nervously between them, before beating a hasty retreat through the front door. He was just opening his mouth to ask Stuart what the fuck he was thinking, when Neil came stomping down the stairs. 

“I love it. It’s perfect. All wood floors upstairs too, which is good because I really hate carpet. Look -” He grabbed Andrew by the arm and led him from the open living room where they’d been standing, to the kitchen. Which, like the living room, was just as open, set with white walls, white cabinets, and... ~~_is that quartz?_ ~~quartz countertops. It was... nice. The stainless steel appliances looked fairly new, if not a bit used, and - “There’s a place for a table! We can stop eating on the couch!”

And there was a place for a table, so they didn’t have to eat on the couch. 

Andrew was fucked. 

Neil wasn’t done. He pulled him around the counter to the glass door that looked out to a small deck. “And look at the deck! We can put a table out there too and eat outside when it’s nice. The cats don’t have to miss being outside now that we’re moving and -“ Neil kept on talking, but Andrew could barely listen anymore. Instead of looking at the deck and the kitchen, the space for a table and a section for their coffee maker and mugs - Andrew realized that he was not only fucked, he was totally and utterly _fucked_ fucked. He was helpless to this enjoyment, this _happiness_ from Neil and, _and and and_ that was it. 

He was sold. 

Stuart cleared his throat from behind them, snapping Andrew out of his absolute admiration for this fucking idiot he calls a partner.

“I’d like to purchase it for you. As a gift.”

Just like that, Neil shut up, dropped his hand, and Andrew could practically see the disappointment radiate off of him.

“No...” he said, looking around fondly. “ _No_ , we can’t accept that. I thought this was a rental... I thought-”

“Hey,” Andrew murmured, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him in. He put his mouth next to Neil’s ear and whispered, “If your uncle wants to blow a fuckton of money on buying us a place, let him. Think of what we can do with the disposable income.” He placed a kiss on his ear lobe before pulling back, chest warm because he wanted this for him.

~~_For us._ ~~

“This is as much for my peace of mind as it is a gift for you. You won’t be able to do what you need to security wise in a rental. You just won’t. This will allow me to install what I need to without having to get permission from some jackass landlord. Also,” Stuart shoved his hands in his pockets, “it’s an apology. For not doing everything I could have when your mother had you. I’m not daft enough to think you’ll actually come to the UK to stay, although I do hope you’ll visit. With that being said, if you insist on staying here, I’d like to know you were safe.”

Neil bit his lip and leaned against Andrew. “You’re okay with this?” he asked quietly. 

“Honestly, if it means you’re safe, then yes. I hate taking anything from him, but I’m not going to let my pride get in the way of protecting you.”

Neil smiled just a little, and Andrew could tell he was trying to hold it in. “Okay, then. Let’s buy a house.”

* * *

Stuart took care of everything. He expedited the process somehow, and it went a lot quicker than Neil would have guessed. He paid for it outright so they wouldn’t have to worry about a mortgage, and all Andrew and Neil had to do was sign on the dotted line. 

So with that, for all intents and purposes, they’d just bought a fucking house together. Both their names were on the title, and the gray townhouse at the end of the cul de sac in a small community mainly consisting of PSU professors and young families, a privacy fence _,_ and the perfect location to make it hard for intruders to get in, ~~with a spot for a kitchen table,~~ officially belonged to them.

The entire situation was fucked, if he was being honest with himself. 

Known a guy for a year, and already they’d bought a house together and were currently risking life and limb to make sure the other survived. Completely normal. 

_We’re not normal though._

_Touché._

And anyway, the reason why they agreed to this all - the reason why they had to leave the first place they’d lived together, was one that made Neil so fucking angry everytime he thought about it... The feel of the gun against his temple and the arm around his neck? That was familiar, that was _normal_. But the memory of Andrew’s face... of his shaking hands pulling Neil to his chest and patting him to make sure he was okay -

Neil was bloody fucking furious that they’d had to upend their life because of it. 

_But, still_.

He couldn’t deny he was excited. The apartment was the first place they’d lived together, sure, but it had always felt more like Andrew’s. They’d made a home together there and Neil had made sure he’d left his mark - pulling out pictures and organizing books and collecting funny magnets to put on the fridge. 

This townhouse was theirs from the beginning, though. It was a home they’d chosen as a couple and although they were bringing the furniture from the apartment, they had more space to fill; a whole extra bedroom and two bathrooms, and a dining area bleeding into the kitchen. He felt guilty about it, but he was excited.

And maybe that was why he got carried away on their first night there. Their furniture was sparse, and cable and internet hadn’t been hooked up yet, so there was nothing to do.

 _Well_.

There _was_ one thing. And Neil thought that even if there _had_ been cable and internet, they’d still be doing _this_. They’d still be in their nearly empty bedroom that still echoed when he moaned, and he’d still be straddling Andrew’s thighs and rubbing himself against him, while Andrew did things to Neil with his hand that Neil couldn’t see, but he could sure as fuck feel. 

And Neil was a mess. He moved faster against Andrew because no matter which way he moved, _he_ was there. Pushing forward and pulling back at the same time and -

“I want you to fuck me,” Neil breathed and Andrew froze. Neil’s eyes snapped open and they stared at each other, Andrew’s hand still behind him and both of them pressed together. Andrew didn’t respond, but he moved again in a way that got Neil off quicker than he thought he would’ve, had he not said anything.

-

“I’m sorry,” Neil said after they’d both cleaned up and gotten back in bed. “It just slipped out, I didn’t mean-”

“You didn’t mean it?” Andrew asked, turning his head to gaze at Neil. 

Neil bit his lip. “Well... I mean... yeah I meant it. I do want to. But if you don’t, I understand. I don’t want to push you. I know it’s something you’ll have to think about.” 

~~And then~~

“I want to. I’m ready if you’re ready.”

Neil blinked. He’d expected more resistance. “Oh. _Oh_. Okay, um...” he sat up and looked around. He didn’t know what for. “I guess give me a minute, I just came and-”

Andrews arm came around him and he pulled him back down to the bed. “Not now you idiot,” he huffed. “Do you know what to be ready for? I know we’ve done a lot, but it’s still different.”

“I think so? Different how?”

Andrew tucked him against his chest, spreading his fingers out on his skin. “Well, for one thing, I’m significantly bigger than my fingers. I do hope you’ve noticed.” He buried his nose in Neil’s hair and Neil laughed. 

“You don’t say?” Neil teased back, smile still on his face - small and intimate. “I think I have. You’re bigger than the purple vibrator, too... I like that one.”

Andrew kissed his neck and said into his skin, “I know you do. I’m just saying it’s going to feel different and if you’re not ready, it could hurt.” He pulled his face away to lean his chin on his shoulder. “I’ve never bottomed... and I feel like I can’t really give you the advice you need. _But,_ I just need to know you understand what you’re doing and you’re okay with it.”

Neil turned around to face him and scooted closer into Andrew’s chest. “I’ll do some research. Sound good?”

“Yeah. Just let me know when you feel ready.”

-

Neil took the first steps towards research the next day. Dion had moved in with Seth at the beginning of the week, and since then, he’d been by the studio every day bringing him lunch. Neil steeled himself and cursed the fact that he had to do this, but the google search he’d done had gone terribly, terribly wrong and he felt like this was his only option.

He caught Dion as he was leaving the studio. “Hey, Dion?”

He stopped and turned, giving Neil that overly dimpled smile. “Hey, Neil. What’s up?”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” He knew his face was beet red. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and willed it to go away. When he opened them, Dion looked concerned. 

“Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“No - I mean _yes,_ I’m okay.” He looked around to make sure they were alone, then sighed, shook out his hands, and cleared his throat. “Andrew and I... um. Jesus fuck this is ridiculous.” Dion just looked at him patiently, a small smile still on his lips. “Andrew and I are going to do something.”

“Something.”

“Yes, exactly.”

Dion cocked his head. “O...kay?”

“We’ve never done... _something_ and I just wondered -”

“Oh. _OH_. Oh, sweetheart. Oh, honey. Yes, of course. Come on, let’s have a chat.”

He put an arm around Neil’s shoulders and led him back to his office. 

Neil had never been more embarrassed or relieved in his entire fucking life.

“I’ll answer any questions you have, of course. How’s your fiber intake?”

* * *

They posted the Audio Notes on Thursday. They’d gone back and forth on whether or not to post the phone call, but after speaking with Robin, and ringing up Haylie’s father to make sure they were both okay, Andrew decided to post it. 

Meanwhile, Seth was still tasked with picking through the phone call with no luck so far. They’d sent the original to the NYPD’s SVU, and of course, received no word back. Which was just... fucking wild to Andrew. Here they had someone _on_ **_tape_ ** _admitting to having Haylie_ , and they _still_ weren’t taking things seriously. 

~~Or maybe they were and they had just decided to leave Andrew and Neil out of it. He didn’t know.~~

_It doesn’t matter._

He was still going to do what he was doing and _they_ weren’t going to stop looking until this was finished. 

That Thursday night, the whole team was in the studio and getting ready to post when Andrew almost ran straight into Dion coming out of the kitchen.

“So you move in and now you’re just going to be here all the time? Should we give you an office?”

Dion smiled, dimpling at Andrew. “That would be great, thanks. But Seth told me you said I can’t redecorate.” He crossed his arms and shook his head. “You’re making a big mistake. I could have this place looking like an actual studio instead of a student lounge.”

“Yeah, we’re good, thanks.” Dion rolled his eyes good naturedly and started to walk off before Andrew stopped him. 

“Wait.” Dion froze, raising an expectant brow as he turned to face him. Andrew glanced towards Neil’s office, but the door was still shut so the cats stayed put. 

~~_Just do it. Ask him._ ~~

“Listen, can you talk to Neil? The fact that I’m having to share this and say it outloud makes me want to fucking vomit, but I need him to be able to talk to someone. We-”

“I know.”

~~_You what?_ ~~

“What?”

“He already talked to me. Asked me questions. He had a lot of good ones.”

For a moment, Andrew, Mr. I-Have-An-Answer-For-Everything, was lost for words - his mouth moving but nothing coming out. Dion laughed and patted him on the shoulder. 

“He’ll be fine. I think it’s sweet that you wanted to make sure he was ready, though. A lot of guys wouldn’t give a fuck.”

And then, Andrew decided _nope._ He started to walk away because he needed to fucking be gone _immediately_. Dion’s voice stopped him.

“You can talk to Seth, you know... If you have any questions, that is. He’d definitely answer any concerns you may have. I mean I’ve done it before, but what can I say. I’m an excellent bottom.”

“Yeah, I’m done now.”

Dion laughed again and shook his head, but just said, “I’m really happy for you. I just want you to know that.”

Andrew did walk away then. He regretted this entire goddamn conversation.

 _But,_ he was glad Neil found someone to talk to. He couldn’t deny he was grateful for Dion in that moment.

* * *

People had been in and out of the townhouse all week. Stuart and his people, and other people that may have been Stuart’s people, Neil couldn’t tell anymore, setting up the security system and bringing in furniture from the apartment. 

It was all very... extensive. There was an alarm system, of course, but there were also cameras they could access from their phones, security lights, a weird doorbell camera you could talk through, some sort of something that made it impossible to listen in on phone conversations or hack their internet... and probably a lot of other stuff Neil had no idea about. 

He wasn’t complaining though. Not really. He felt safer, that was for sure, and the guy in the black car that was keeping tabs on them didn’t even really bother him. He was used to being followed anyway and knowing that this particular ‘stalker’ was for his and Andrews own protection - well. That helped. Additionally, there were two black cars in the neighborhood on Saturday, because Bee had shown up with a housewarming gift.

If she noticed them, she didn’t show it. 

“Hello, honey,” she said, walking through their front door with her arms wide and warm smile in place. She gave Andrew a hug, then Neil and he smiled at her tentatively. Honestly, he still didn’t know exactly how he was supposed to act around her, but if she noticed that too, she didn’t show it either. “I brought you a plant! It’s a Moth Orchid - safe for the cats and it’s supposed to purify the air. Also, it’s purple,” she said fondly, fingering one of the soft petals.

Andrew took it from her and set it in the front ‘bay’ (as Stuart kept calling it) window. “Thank you, Bee.”

“Why the devil is this door standing wide open? I know we’ve got you tighter than fort knox but - oh. My apologies madam, I didn’t realize the boys had company.” Stuart walked into the house like he owned the place (he didn’t. Their name was on this townhouse. Neil double checked.) and looked to Neil for explanation. 

~~_Right. Never thought our families would ever meet..._ ~~

“Uncle Stuart, this is Dr. Dobson.”

“Oh, no need to be so formal. You can call me Betsy.” She held out a hand and Stuart took it and kissed her knuckles. 

“Lovely to meet you, my darling.” Except it came out like _dahling_ and Neil looked over at Andrew only to see him glaring daggers at Stuart. “Would you be Andrew’s mother?”

“She might as well be you fucking smarmy-”

“Andrew!” Bee whirled to look at him and he clamped his mouth shut. “Be respectful! This is Neil’s family, surely you want everyone to get along?”

Andrew clenched his jaw, but didn’t say a thing. 

She turned back to Stuart, but let her eyes look around the place. “You helped the boys with all of this? That’s very generous of you,” Bee said, ending with a smile for him. He smiled gently back down at her. 

“I did.” He then took her hand again and wrapped it around his arm. “Come, let me show you the security we’ve had installed so you know they’re safe and sound.”

The two disappeared around a corner, Stuart’s voice carrying as he described the different measures they’d taken. 

“If your slimy Uncle doesn’t get his hands off my... off _Bee_ I’m going to break them.” Andrew spoke in a harsh whisper, and Neil couldn’t help but smile. 

“Calm down, it’s just how he is. He turns up the charm when he deems it necessary. I don’t think Bee is going to buy into it.”

Andrew turned to adjust the plant he just put down, muttering to himself. Neil came up behind him and wrapped an arm around his waist. 

“What are you doing tonight?”

Andrew paused, then turned his head before his whole body followed to face Neil in his arms. “What kind of question is that?” Neil shrugged and bit his lip. Andrew raised a brow at him. “I’m listening.”

Neil looked down and drew a circle with his finger on his chest. “I just thought maybe tonight...” _just say it._ He took a deep breath. “I did that research, you know. I’m ready when you are.” He expected Andrew to freeze against him - almost expected him to say ‘not yet’. 

He didn’t expect Andrew to kiss him hard and say ‘ _okay_ ’ against his lips.

“I feel like I should buy you dinner or something first,” Andrew said once the kiss broke.

Neil laughed. “You definitely shouldn't.”

* * *

That night, before _everything_ , Andrew had stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. 

Neil was waiting for him.

Andrew’s stomach was in knots.

He was scared.

He was nervous

He was 

He _was was was..._

They’d both known they were going to do this - basically planned it, because they both needed to make sure they were mentally prepared. 

Andrew was. 

*

Which was why Andrew had finally made it to the bed where they now lie wrapped around one another - _touching_ and _feeling_ and _and and and_

Neil kissed him with a hand on his waist, and Andrew kissed back with a hand on Neil’s neck. He could feel his heart.

_tha-thump, tha-thump, tha-thump_

It was fast.

And strong.

And Andrew sighed into Neil’s mouth, because having him _here_ in his arms after the nightmare of seeing him with a gun to his head ~~again~~ was _everything_.

All of it.

Neil was so _alive_ , and Andrew _wanted_ this with him - he wanted Neil to be the first that ever mattered. After all, he’d told Neil he’d tried once, and that was true. It was with a boy at Columbia named Bene, who had a Dominican accent and a killer smile. But it hadn’t worked because although Andrew trusted him to respect his boundaries, he didn’t trust him to let him know if Andrew crossed one of his own.

Bene was too submissive.

 _Neil_ was not. Neil was fire and a razor sharp smile. He pushed and pushed and pushed Andrew to do better. He wasn’t afraid of Andrew, his boundaries and baggage and barbed tongue.

They pressed closer, rubbing together through the thin fabric that separated them. Their kissing turned frantic and Andrew had to stop it before this was all over too soon. He rolled so he was on top of Neil, and Neil opened his legs to cradle Andrew like it was instinct.

He supposed it was.

Andrew leaned down to take one of Neil’s nipples in his mouth and he was rewarded with a tiny moan - just the echo of the actual thing that made goose flesh ripple over his skin.

“Yes?” Andrew asked against his chest.

“Still yes,” Neil breathed.

He pressed down his hips just once - just to hear Neil gasp. The friction was both intoxicating and frustrating.

He moved lower, _down down down,_ to settle his face between Neil’s legs. Andrew needed to know he was ready - needed to know he would be comfortable. So, he set out to make sure Neil felt good.

Because that’s really what he wanted. He wanted to make Neil feel _good_.

Grabbing the band of Neil’s underwear, he started to tug. Neil lifted his hips.

And that.

_That_

That fucking hip lift... Where Neil rose up off the bed to let Andrew undress him was something Andrew would never get sick of. It was so fucking - knowing he was removing the last bit of fabric that was separating them and Neil trusting him to do it? Wanting him to, even, it was just -

_Fuck._

He made sure Neil was ready. With his hands and his mouth and with Neil’s legs pressed against his chest...

Neil wasn’t quiet. He’d never really been afraid to be vocal, but this was something _new_. Andrew took Neil’s cock into his mouth, his fingers still working lower, and stopped right as he knew Neil was about to come.

“ _Fuck_ . Fuck fuck fuck fuck what the _fuck -“ Neil panted, looking_ down at Andrew and _god_ . He looked wrecked in the best way possible. Andrew just gave him a knowing smile and licked his tongue over his head one more time before he let go. “I want you. _Now_ , Andrew, I swear -“

Andrew’s stomach rose, fell, then rose again like he was on a rollercoaster. His smile slowly fell away, only because he felt the magnitude, the gravity of what _this_ was, fall upon his shoulders. Climbing up Neil’s body, he kissed underneath the scar on his cheek as Neil touched his chest, expression turning serious. 

“We don’t have to,” Neil whispered, his chest still rising and falling, flush high on his freckled cheeks and icy eyes glassy. “It’s fine, if you’re not there. It’s fine.”

“I want to. I want this.”

_I want you_

Neil just nodded. “Me too.”

So, Andrew leaned back. He took the bottle of lube and slicked himself up liberally. His hands were shaking. He was so nervous... He took a deep breath and let it out, then used what was left on his hand for Neil, _for good measure,_ and then he positioned the head of his cock at Neil’s entrance.

He hovered there for a minute, one arm holding him up on the right side of Neil’s head. They stared at each other for five seconds or five minutes or five hours,until Neil finally closed his eyes and turned his head. He moved until his nose was pressed against Andrew’s arm, a hand coming up to wrap around it. He ran his nose over the bumpy scars there, the _x x x_ of Andrew’s past, before pressing a soft kiss to his skin.

When Neil opened his eyes and looked back up at Andrew, he was consumed.

Completely.

Blue eyes and hot skin and warm breaths and when Neil nodded, Andrew moved. He pushed forward as slow as he could manage, placing his left hand against Neil’s side once he felt like he could, and rubbed his thumb there to comfort him - to help him relax. 

He didn’t need to worry.

It was easier than he thought it would be - to be inside... And once he was, once he passed that breach, he stopped because

_Oh._

“ _Oh_ ,” he said, and he looked from where they were joined, back to Neil with wide eyes and a racing heart. Neil’s mouth was a tight line, like he was bracing for the pain. Andrew stayed still, using his right hand to move Neil’s hair back from his forehead and asked, “Okay?”

Neil nodded. “Move.”

Andrew moved.

He pushed in, still taking his time. When he was finally seated all the way inside, he trembled. Neil was so warm - so _fucking_ warm and the heat soaked into every part of him. 

His chest filled with it.

“Okay,” he said to himself or Neil or the new sheets, he didn’t know. “ _Okay, okay, okay_.”

“Okay,” Neil echoed, tilting his head against the pillow. “Feels good, Drew.”

Andrew shifted so Neil’s legs were on his shoulders and he pulled his hips back, setting a slow pace.

Neil closed his eyes, his hands coming up to hold on to Andrew’s arms. He let out sweet little huffs of air every time Andrew moved inside, and Andrew leaned down to breath those breaths.

“You can go faster,” Neil whispered.

Andrew went faster. Not too fast, but just enough that they both let out a moan. Andrew took Neil in hand and worked him in time with his hips.

“You’re perfect,” Neil moaned. “So good... _You’re so good._ ”

And Andrew wanted to tell him to shut up - wanted to tell him to _stop talking idiot_ , because it was almost too much and he thought his chest might explode because Neil was perfect, too. Neil was so, _so_ good.

Right before Neil could finish, before he could fall over that edge, Andrew moved his hand away. Neil’s eyes snapped open and they were the darkest blue Andrew had ever seen them.

“I’m going to fucking murder you.”

Andrew moved faster in response, a breath of a laugh getting caught in a sound Andrew never thought he’d make, and cut off Neil’s angry muttering, turning it into a groan in the process. 

He was going to lose it soon. He could feel it building. He took hold of Neil again when he knew he was close and Neil let out a guttural choke that sent Andrew over the edge. Snapping his hips forward, once, twice, three times, Neil cried out half his name and clenched around him so tightly that Andrew moaned in response, unable to hold it in. 

_Not really wanting to._

_This_ was more than Andrew thought it could ever be, and so much more. It was the most intense experience Andrew had ever had, and he was glad, in that moment, so fucking glad he’d waited - so glad that Neil was the only person he’d shared this with.

He collapsed, unable to support his weight any longer. Neil’s legs slipped off his shoulders and they both ignored the mess between them. It didn’t matter. Andrew buried his face in Neil’s neck like Neil had done to him so many times and just breathed him in. Sweat and sex and _Neil_.

*

Neil’s arms came around him, holding him tightly and kissing him on the head.

“ _Andrew, Andrew, Andrew_ ,” he whispered. Like a prayer, like a vow. “ _I love you_.”

* * *

Andrew did not say it back.

In the days that followed, for anyone else it might have been awkward - Neil might have felt upset or uncomfortable. 

But it wasn’t and he didn’t, because he didn’t _need_ Andrew to say it back.

Honestly, he hadn’t even really meant to say it. It just came out because it was something he thought in his head all the time, but never actually said out loud. He knew Andrew didn’t really take much stock in words, especially _those_ words, so to Neil, it didn’t really matter. 

However, Andrew was different in the days that followed, and there was truly no other word for it but _snuggly_. He wanted to lay on the couch with his head in Neil’s lap while Neil played with his hair, or be late to work every morning just so they didn’t lose the delicious pocket of body warmth they created together under the blanket. Andrew spoke a little softer, walked a little taller and

_And and and_

It was _everything_. 

Neil finally mentioned it when they were at the studio Monday afternoon. Limbs lax, heart full, chest warm, they were busy looking through the next round of houses James had sent and picking the ones they thought were close to what Robin had described. Andrew sat sideways in Neil’s lap in the big white chair again, and his weight was welcomed and comforting stop Neil’s.

 _Andrew collapsed on top of him, seemingly unable to support his weight any longer and Neil didn’t mind. His legs fell from his shoulders and he wrapped his arms around his neck instead, closing his eyes and breathing heavily as he felt the tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump of Andrews heart beat against his own. Andrew buried his face in Neil’s neck like Neil had done to him so many times and breathed him in. Neil realized then that this is what_ **_it_ ** _truly felt like._

Neil smiled at the memory, raising his eyes from the laptop to Andrews profile as he scrolled through their options. “You know...” he started, watching the reflection of the blue light screen in his glasses. “if I’d known what a giant marshmallow you’d turn into, I would’ve suggested it a lot sooner.”

Andrew stopped typing and Neil squeezed his knee. “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean that as a bad thing. I just really love how close we feel right now.”

 _Honey eyes and hot skin and warm breaths and when Andrew moved, Neil could barely even feel the twinge of pain. It was nothing. It was_ **_everything. Andrew_ ** _was everything and everywhere at once - from his thumb stroking his side, to his fingers pushing back his hair..._

Andrew shut the laptop and leaned his head back against Neil. “I talked to John about it this morning.”

Neil raised a brow, soft smile on his lips at the memory tickling at the back of his brain. He kept it there, ~~for now~~ ~~,~~ letting the surprise and pride sink in at what Andrew had _really_ said. 

Neil knew Andrew liked John and the fact that he trusted him enough to tell him something so personal, made Neil even more hopeful for the future. “And?”

“I was trying to work out why it felt so different from the other stuff we’ve done. The first time you gave me a blowjob-”

"At the cabin.* In the shower. I think about it often.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well. That was maybe the third time I’ve ever let someone do that. That same trip you sat on top of me in bed. I took off all my clothes and got in the water.”

Neil’s smile grew as the image of Andrew, bleached porcelain by the moonlight walking out into the black water, filled his mind... 

He’d known then. Even if he didn’t really acknowledge it, _this_ , he’d known hat this was something big - big and scary and more than anything he’d been able to hold onto, so far.

“Those were all big steps. So why did this one feel so different?”

“Did you find an answer?”

“I think because it, _you,_ gave me something I wasn’t totally sure I’d ever have. I was fine with that. It didn’t matter. I like getting off and I thought that was enough, and it was. I know now,” he finished, trailing off and running a finger over the laptop. 

“Know what?”

“They didn’t break me.”

* * *

They’d put off talking to Kevin for long enough. With everything that happened with the whole Neil with a gun to his head thing, ~~and realizing what _this_ was, was love,~~ Andrew pushed it aside. Brianna had taken Kevin on a trip for his birthday, and as amusing as it would’ve been to interrupt it just for this, Andrew didn’t. No one ever convinced him to take time off, so points to Brianna for being the first to succeed. 

They invited him to the townhouse under the guise of showing it off Tuesday night.

“Wow. Nice place,” he said, looking around with his hands in his pockets. He looked relaxed and his normal light tan was a shade darker. Andrew almost hated to even bring the whole thing up and ruin his parade. 

“Thanks,” Neil said. “Come on, we’ll show you the deck.”

Kevin sighed. “Right to it, then.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Kev?” Andrew asked, following behind him out to the deck.

“You know what it means you little demon. You don’t invite anyone to your home ever. I think I set foot in your apartment twice in the time since you’ve been here. Something happened.”

_Welp._

“You want a drink or something?” Neil asked, like he knew it was a thing people did when they had people over, but he wasn’t sure why. 

“No. Just spit it out.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and sat in his favorite chair on the deck. It had a cupholder and a little table attached table where he could put a book if he wanted to read. Neil and Kevin sat in less regal chairs across from him. 

“We got a message from someone about the Moriyamas trafficking children,” Andrew said without preamble. “We think it was from-”

“Jean,” Kevin said quietly. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face, fingers lingering over his old tattoo. “It was Jean, wasn’t it?”

“We think so,” Neil said, quietly.

“Show me.”

Andrew pulled it up on his phone and let Kevin hold it. Kevin read with a hand over his mouth and his eyebrows furrowed. 

“You can’t post this. You can’t talk about this publicly,” Kevin said fiercely. “I know you probably don’t give a shit about Jean, but they’ll come after him for this. He’s still under their thumb at Raven Academy and -”

“Kevin, I know this,” Andrew replied, wishing he had a cigarette. He cracked his pinky instead. “You know the whole reason I didn’t put Raven Academy on air when we went looking for Neil in season one, was because I knew the danger it would put Jean in. Give me a little credit, at least.”

Kevin leaned back in his seat and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m worried about him. If they found this…”

Neil put a hand on Kevin’s arm. “They won’t. We wanted you to know that Jean reached out, but we also wanted to know what _you_ know about this. Are you aware of them trafficking children? Buying them?”

Kevin shook his head. “Not in the way you’re thinking. They take kids as payment of debt if they think they can put them to work. Jean was one. You were supposed to be one,” he nodded to Neil and Andrew had to unclench his jaw. “And I heard of a few who ended up going to New York when they couldn’t cut it at Exy.”

Andrew rubbed his hands together between his knees, nodding. “We’re not going to mention this publicly, but we can’t ignore it either. I have zero confidence in the FBI, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep if we didn’t at least reach out to the agent who was actually trying to do something about them.”

“Andrew -”

“We’ll be careful,” he cut him off. “We can even send it anonymously. But we have to, Kevin. Surely you can see that?”

Kevin just nodded in resignation. “It’s times like these I wish I’d never stopped drinking.”

“Ah, Kev. As much as I loved your drunken college tirades about workout regimens and trending exy stats, sober Kevin is a better look on you.” Andrew leaned his head back to look at the stars. They were far enough away from campus now that the light pollution wasn’t as bad. 

“Happy Andrew is a better look on you.”

Andrew tore his eyes away from the sky to look at him, brows furrowed. Kevin just shrugged. “You’re different. I don’t know if it’s therapy, or Neil, or what.”

“It’s definitely me,” Neil said, a small smile on his face. “I have that effect on people, you know. I’m a ray of fucking sunshine.”

Andrew laughed. Mostly because it was true. He _was_ sunshine. When Andrew was so deep in the dark - when the clouds above his head were suffocating and blocking out every bit of light Andrew could conjure, the only thing that could clear them away was Neil. He was brightness, he was radiance, he was everything... Even when he was miserable and smashing plates and driving to a club because his head was so fucked…

Neil was still there with him, shining.

Always. 

* * *

“I did it,” Seth bound into his office like an excited puppy. “I broke down the call.”

Andrew stood from his desk and shooed him out. “Show me.”

He poked his head in Neil’s office on the way to the sound booth. “Come on.”

“Where we going, babe?”

“To the soundbooth, idiot.”

Seth laughed ahead of them, and they followed him in. He started pressing buttons that Andrew had no hope of following and handed them both a pair of headphones. 

“Okay, so I broke this shit down right? It took fuckin forever to seperate all the parts and try to clean them up and fucking... all the other shit. I thought I wasn’t going to find anything, but listen.”

Neil and Andrew put the headphones on, and Andrew closed his eyes to block out any outside distractions. 

The recording started and Andrew pressed one of the ear pieces closer.

_‘-bank robbery thwarted by police. This and more coming up at 8PM on News 12, New Jersey.’_

Andrew opened his eyes and looked to Neil, who was blank faced. “He’s in Newark.”

Andrew nodded. “We don’t know where, but at least we know he’s not in PA or somewhere else. He’s got her in Newark.”

Seth slapped a hand on the sound board. “Yep. We got that mother fucker pinned now.”

“Email this to me,” Andrew said standing. “This is fucking great, Seth. Good job.”

Seth preened and Neil smiled. Before Andrew could leave, Seth quickly said, “Hey, I got that gig this weekend for that big Exy what the fuck ever. I need white people music suggestions.”

“I can’t help, I’m Jewish and Indian.”

Andrew snorted. “You’re so happy you can throw that around now aren’t you? You’re _barely_.”

“Pfft! No, shit? Makes you brown in my book!” Seth said, then gasped, looking at Andrew. “Andrew, my white, white compadre... You it. The only white boy on this team. Congratulations, man. I’m really happy for you and your minority status.”

“Thanks, this is such an incredible day,” Andrew replied blankly. “Just play Taylor Swift. Old white people and my cousin love Taylor Swift.”

Andrew finally turned and left the booth, and only laughed a little when he heard bollywood* music blaring behind him.

* * *

Andrew flopped onto the bed next to Neil, panting and sweaty. 

_We’re really getting the hang of this._

Neil turned his head to stare at Andrew. He had his eyes closed and he was breathing deeply, like he was trying to calm his heart. Neil knew how he felt. 

Neil turned into his side, not even wincing this time as he pressed his lips under Andrews jaw and threw an arm over his chest. He nudged his calf with a toe and breathed, “Come on. Let’s take a shower and go to bed. I’m exhausted.”

“Why are _you_ exhausted? I’m the one who did all the work.”

Neil smirked, using Andrews chest for leverage as he leaned up. With a flick to one of Andrews nipple piercings, Neil cooed, “And what excellent work you did.” He then patted him on the head and got up to take a shower in their ensuite, assuming Andrew would follow. 

He didn’t come in until Neil was halfway through, holding his phone and looking pale.

“What’s wrong?”

Andrew didn’t respond. He stepped into the shower with Neil and washed off methodically, not speaking. They got out together and toweled off and dressed for bed.

All in silence.

Neil was trying to give Andrew room to work whatever it was out in his head. His stomach was in his throat and at least he knew it likely wasn't something he’ done because Andrew had been looking at his phone... _still._ It was making him insane not knowing, but he knew Andrew well enough to know not to push just yet. 

“Should I sleep in the other room...?” He eventually asked. “I don’t mind if you need some space.” They had an extra bedroom that they’d turned into an office/spare sleeping space (Andrew refused to call it a guest room because he refused to have guests). Neil thought if one of them was having a bad night and needed to be alone, they could just go in the other room instead of sleeping on the couch or somewhere else altogether.

It was a good idea and if that was what Andrew needed -

“No,” Andrew said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He ran a hand through his hair, now down to his chin, and handed Neil his phone. “I’m trying to wrap my mind around this.”

Neil took it from him. It was open on his TFN email, and a tip someone had sent in. Neil read.

_Hi,_

_I've been debating for some time as to whether or not I should write to you but my partner finally persuaded me to share our information with you and let you determine whether it has any merit._

_My partner, Hettie, used to coordinate fundraising events for several local charities in and around Newark. I often accompanied her to the events to help with last minute details and to provide moral support. About 11 years ago, we encountered a charming gentleman with an oddly shifting story. The first time we met him was at an auction for The Children's Home Society of New Jersey. Hettie and I were manning the table where the attendees picked up the items that they'd won in the auction. The man in question was handsome and confident like most of the charity fundraising event attendees, but it was the story that he offered us when he picked up his item that made him memorable. The man had been the winning bidder of a sweet little porcelain bird and he told Hettie and me that it was for his little girl. He told us how he spoiled her rotten and he thought the colorful little bird would be perfect for her collection. Although it was hand painted, the bird really wasn't worth that much but the man had made a very generous bid and the whole encounter just cemented him in both Hettie and my memories._

_Fast forward about two years when Hettie and I were attending a black-tie dinner supporting Advocates for Children of New Jersey that she'd organized. As we were greeting guests, the man who had purchased the little porcelain bird walked in. After chatting with him for several minutes about his work as a general contractor, I asked how his daughter was. The man gave me a strange look, told me that he didn't have a daughter and not-very-politely took his leave. I was devastated, thinking that perhaps his daughter had died or that he had lost custody of her. Hettie's initial reaction was one of suspicion, though. In her job, she'd been burned several times by people promising things that they couldn't provide, so she tends to be leery of people who act as this man did. Nevertheless, the man remained memorable. Hettie moved onto a new job several years ago (she's a social worker now, helping kids who have experienced abuse) but we'd occasionally bring up the strange encounter with the man and his porcelain bird._

_As avid listeners of your podcast, we'd both questioned whether this man could be "Steven". We knew him by a different name since he had to provide his details for tax documentation for the auction, but don't feel comfortable sharing it unless you feel this could be a credible lead. It seems like the chances of this man being a kidnapper, serial abuser and killer are minuscule but knowing that yet another little girl is suffering at his hands compelled us to share this information, no matter how ridiculous it may seem._

_Please contact us if you would like the man's name or if you have any questions. Thank you for your consideration,_

_Heidi_

He read the part about the little bird figurine 3 times, goosebumps prickling his skin, then slowly looked up at Andrew.

“This is him,” he said quietly. “This is him, Neil.”

Neil gripped Andrew’s phone tighter. “They have a name.”

Andrew stood from the bed suddenly, like he’d been shocked. “Fuck. _Fuck_ , we have a name. We have a fucking name, Neil. How long have we been waiting for this?” He turned and left the room, pounding down the stairs. Neil looked down at Andrew’s phone again before following. 

They had a _fucking name_.

“What are you doing?” Andrew had picked up his laptop from where he left it on the coffee table in the living room and opened it. 

“I’m going to respond to this email, get the fucking name, and then I’m going to find out who the fuck this guy is.”

Neil watched over Andrew’s shoulder as he responded to the email. He didn’t shut the laptop, though. He sat with it in his lap and started chewing on the corner of his thumb nail, staring at the screen like a reply would pop up any minute.

“Hey,” Neil said, sitting next to him and gently taking the computer. “They’re not going to respond right away. It’s almost 1AM. Come upstairs with me and get some sleep, okay? As soon as you find out this name, you’re going to be at it 24/7 and it’d be nice to get a good night’s rest before then.”

Andrew wanted to argue. Neil could tell he wanted to say no - to tell Neil to go to bed. 

But he didn’t.

He pressed his lips together and refreshed his email one more time, before shutting the laptop and following Neil upstairs. “Tomorrow,” he said.

“Tomorrow.”

* * *

 _Tomorrow_ became _today_ and Andrew was up before Neil for once. He didn’t sleep well - tossing and turning and wondering if he’d gotten a reply yet. 

When he couldn’t take it anymore, he sat up and threw the blankets off, reaching over Neil for his phone. Neil had taken it and kept it on his side of the bed specifically so Andrew couldn’t check it all through the night.

“Drew…” Neil croaked sleepily as Andrew’s reached over his face. “Seriously, as much as I appreciate every part of your body, I really don’t need your armpit in my face first thing in the morning.”

“Not sorry. Scoot.”

Neil grumbled but shifted as Andrew grabbed his phone. They both sat up as Andrew unlocked it and opened his email. 

There was a reply.

Andrew read it three times, his heart pounding.

“Well?” Neil said. “What’s it say?”

Andrew looked up at him and met his eyes. “Phillip Hull.”

They were out of the house in record time. Andrew sent a group text telling everyone to get their asses to the studio ASAP, they needed to have a meeting. It was still twenty minutes before Dan, Renee, and Robin walked through the door, and twenty more before Seth dragged himself in.

“Really, Seth? What the fuck took you so long?” Andrew snapped. Seth sat on the couch, sunglasses still on and coffee in hand.

“I’m a fucking human and I was sleeping. I had a gig last night and I didn’t get home until 3AM, give me a fuckin break.”

“So your side job is getting in the way of your real job?”

“ _Real job_? Motherfuck-”

“Okay, okay!” Dan called, clapping her hands and interrupting Seth, who had just ripped off his glasses and was leaning forward in his seat. “It’s too fucking early for this shit, I had to leave Matt still snoring and taking up most of the bed. Andrew, tell us what you dragged us all out here for.”

Andrew sat next to Neil, leg bouncing and arms crossed. “We have a name.”

Everyone froze. Even Seth managed to wipe the look of annoyance off his face. “You fuckin’ for real?”

“Yes.”

He looked to Robin, who stared stoically back. Something had shifted in her since the phone call. She seemed steadier - seemed more determined than ever, but it was like she’d managed to tame the fire within instead of letting it consume her. 

“Robin, the email is a story you can confirm for us. I do believe this is him, but your yes or no would make all the difference in how heavily we pursue this.”

Robin nodded, and Andrew handed the phone over so she could read. He could see a muscle in her jaw tic, but that was her only sign of stress. Once she had read through it, she read it outloud so the others could hear. 

When she was finished, she handed Andrew back his phone. “Yes,” she said quietly. 

It was all he needed, and he didn’t question her. 

“Here’s what I want to do.” He jumped right into it. He thought of a game plan when he was supposed to be asleep. “I want to run this name every which way we can. Renee, I want you to find out if we can run a background check with just a name and a location. Seth, Dan, I want you to look at property appraiser websites in every county from New York State to Maryland.”

“Uhhhhhh. I know we want to find this guy but do you know how many fucking counties that is?” Seth asked, glasses dangling in one hand.

“No, and I don’t care. Neil and I are going to try and find this name in the Newark area. If he used it for this function, he probably used it for other things.”

“You don’t think this is his real name?” Renee asked. 

“I don’t know, but I highly doubt it. My guess is he has a number of pseudonyms and none of them are the name he was born with. Nothing else makes sense for how he’s been able to get away with this for so long”

“What about me?” Robin asked. “What do I do?”

Andrew didn’t dare tell her ‘nothing’ - didn’t dare tell her to ‘take it easy’. He knew how he’d feel if someone tried to do that shit to him.

It was out of the question. 

“I don’t know what your schedule is like right now. You have midterms coming up and I’m sure exy practices are ramping up for finals. I want that to take precedence -”

“Don’t do that.”

“I’m not. I swear to you Robin, I’m not. But if you start letting grades slip and skipping out on practice, then all of this feels pointless. You just got your life back, don’t let him take it again.”

Robin shook her head but said, “Fine. You’re right, I know you’re right. But I need to do something.”

“Dan and Seth can give you a list of counties. You can do it from your dorm when you have time. Okay?”

She nodded. 

Andrew stood. “Let’s find Phillip Hull.”

* * *

Phillip Hull, as it turned out, was a ghost. Everyone spent the rest of Thursday and right into Friday searching. They’d found a few houses with that owners name, and they were collecting all of them to see if there was any pattern, but none were in Newark.

Andrew and Neil poured over their laptops looking for anything in local news that mentioned the name. 

No luck. 

Neil finally snatched Andrew’s laptop from him and made him take a break. He hadn’t eaten much since this whole thing started and he looked exhausted. 

Not to mention, Neil knew his mind hadn’t stopped. He was _thinking, thinking, thinking,_ about all the possibilities, and while it was part of what made him so good at his job, it was also wearing him down.

“Come on. Lunch and a break, okay? We’ll pick it back up later this afternoon.” 

Andrew agreed with all the grace of a rabid fox and sullenly allowed Neil to drive him to his favorite diner and stick a burger in front of his face. He ate grudgingly, but managed to finish a whole meal. 

They went to a park and laid in the grass, and Andrew answered asks on the website about if water is wet (which Neil would have said _of course it’s wet it’s fucking water,_ but apparently he was wrong) and meat sacks, and some other nonsense Neil didn’t get but was still grateful for. 

Andrew was distracted, at least for a moment. 

Just a moment though. 

He was back at it and _stayed_ at it until Neil finally shut his laptop, rubbed his eyes, and put Andrew to bed.

Saturday was no different. 

They were up and in the studio, cats in tow, before anyone else. They picked up bagels on the way, and it wasn’t long before the others joined them - everyone but Seth, anyway.

“Where’s Seth?” Andrew asked, leafing through a stack of houses with the name Phillip Hull attached. 

No one answered. Andrew sighed and fished out his phone, dialing Seth’s number. He put it on speaker and set it down on the conference room table in front of him so he could use both his hands.

_‘Yeah.’_

“Where are you?”

Seth was quiet for a second before responding. ‘ _Where am I? It’s Saturday. I told you I have a gig tonight.’_

“Yeah, _tonight_. Why the fuck aren’t you here?” Andrew stopped shuffling papers to look at his phone.

_‘It’s in Raleigh and I have to get all my shit ready. I know you think what I do is like a fuckin’ hobby or something, but this is a big fuckin’ gig for me.’_

“Must be huge, if you’re fucking around over there instead of helping out here.”

There was a muffled sound and voices in the background, and everyone looked at Andrew’s phone confused. _‘Andrew? It’s Dion. I know you’re doing important work over there, but if you could do me favor and shut the fuck up, I’d be really grateful.’_

Dan fizzed out a laugh and Andrew scowled. “What are you? His father?”

_‘No, sweetheart, I’m his boyfriend. And I’m going to need you to stop running him so fucking ragged. He works harder than anyone and you’re still on his ass. Take a fucking break and don’t call him again this weekend.’_

Andrew’s phone beeped at him. Dion had hung up. “So much for teamwork,” Andrew muttered, putting his phone away.

“He has a point you know,” Renee said quietly. 

Andrew just looked at her, brow raised. 

She just shrugged. “Don’t be so hard on him. You know what this case does to him and he’s been working really hard on everything he has to do with us and everyone else in the studio. Cut him some slack.”

Neil knew Andrew’s heart was in the right place. He just wanted to get answers as quickly as possible. But he had to admit, he didn’t disagree with Renee. Andrew looked at him and Neil just gave him a small smile. Andrew took it for what it was. He huffed.

“Fine. I’ll text him later and apologize. Wouldn’t want his feelings hurt...”

He sounded sarcastic, but Neil thought he meant it. 

They were just about to call it quits Saturday evening when Andrew found the pattern. Houses up and down the east coast, none in Newark, but all secluded - all with basements. All large enough for a _lot_ of people. 

“Safe houses?” he mused. 

Neil nodded. “I think so.” They’d pulled pictures of each of the houses from google maps and Neil flipped through them.

He froze. 

He set the other pictures down and held the one he had in a shaky hand. 

“This house,” Neil whispered. “This one here... You’re sure it’s tied to Phillip Hull?”

Andrew looked over his shoulder and double checked the paperwork he had on it. “Yeah, it was owned by Hull but was sold about ten years ago. Why?” He paused and must’ve gotten a good look at him because - “Neil?”

Because Neil could feel the blood drain from his face. It was tingly and numb and he sat before the panic attack could take over. 

_Because_ he _remembered_. 

“I know this house.”

* * *

Seth was almost bored. 

He’d been so excited for this gig. Matt had convinced the event coordinators to hire him as the DJ for this big Exy benefit, and Seth had fucking jumped on it. The clout sure, but the fucking _money_ was what really had him jonesing for it. Dion had carved a space for himself in Seth’s little apartment and said he was fine there - that there was _plenty_ of room, that as long as he was with Seth, he didn’t really care where they lived.

But Dion was a damn liar. He wanted a walk-in closet so bad he was practically mournful. 

This gig would help Seth give him one. 

And now the problem, Seth quickly realized, was that this was basically a corporate event with a bunch of white dudes in suits who shook hands and laughed too loud. It was easy to pick the players out. They walked different and all of them were fucking jacked. Seth had never been in a room with so many good looking men in his life.

Which didn’t even matter. Because Dion was with him in the booth and he was currently tracing circles on Seth’s thigh with a long finger. He held a drink aloft in the other hand and had a thoughtful expression on his face. 

Seth double checked his equipment. The banquet had started, but it wasn’t time for his music yet. That’d come after the food and the speeches (which Seth was supposed to make sure the sound system was working for). He hoped he could get these suits to lighten the fuck up. 

“You should go out there,” he told Dion. “You don’t have to sit in here with me all night. Go mingle with some boring white dudes, put a little light in their lives.”

Dion smiled. “I should, shouldn’t I? What do you think they’d do if I leaned in to say something and touched them on the arm?”

Seth laughed. “D, I swear to god. If I see one of these trophy wives clutch their pearls, I’m gonna know why.”

“Oh, for sure. Then I’ll ask her where she got them, because I’d love a set.”

Seth stared at Dion for a moment and had to shake his head against the image of Dion underneath him with a necklace of pearls against his bare chest.

Dion _did_ , eventually, leave him there with a kiss. He went to join Matt and Dan, who looked like they were doing another magazine shoot, and Kevin and Brianna - who was wearing a dress that hugged her ample curves and dipped low in the front and _damn_ she was so fucking fine. He wondered if Kevin knew how out of his league she was.

Anyway, he was relieved when the party finally kicked off and he could play his music - well, _their_ music. He had a mixture of his regular fare that he’d hoped at least some of the people would appreciate, but also what he lovingly referred to as _the white people music_. 

Sweet Caroline was saved for last. He knew how lit white people got on good ol’ _BUM-DA BUM BUMMM._ Best to go out with a banger. 

He got his first opportunity to use his ‘white people music’, when Riko walked in the room. He looked so self-important, surrounded by... Seth didn’t even fucking know who. Handlers, maybe?

He played Bad Blood by Taylor Swift and didn’t even care that he had to hear it when Riko looked his way. Seth gave him a sarcastic little wave and then flicked him off. 

Because it just felt right, okay? And Seth _always_ tried to do what felt right.

Riko glared at him from across the room and Seth just turned his back.

All in all, it turned out to be a pretty good night. He didn’t have to play anymore Taylor Swift and even got some of his favs in there to good reception. Dion floated in between being a welcome distraction in Seth’s booth, to mingling with the crowd like he’d been part of Exy this whole time.

Riko only tried him once. At some point he walked up to the booth and said over the music, “Do you take requests?”

“Not from you, Moreyams.”

Riko smiled a dangerous smile. “Ah, Gordon, correct?”

Seth didn’t answer. He busied himself with his laptop. 

“Well, Seth Gordon. It’s so nice to see you looking so healthy and hale. I heard that drug addiction was really something.”

Seth clenched his jaw, but he didn’t respond. He wouldn’t give this asshole the satisfaction of popping off and ruining the opportunity Matt had given him. If he did a good job here, who knew what doors it could open and Seth couldn’t risk it. 

“Hope you can keep up your sobriety. It’d be a shame if you slipped.” Riko took a sip of his drink, watching Seth the whole time before giving him another smarmy smile and walking away. Seth rolled his eyes. 

_Fuckin’ drama queen._

Thirty minutes later, Dion joined him. “Was that Riko I saw over here?”

“Sure was. Dude thinks he can get to me with his stupid fucking commentary on my past.”

Dion squeezed his arm. “Fuck that guy, Seth.”

“No thanks. I like big dicks and assholes, but he’s the exception.” Dion laughed and swatted him on the chest. Seth smiled because Dion _always_ made him smile. 

“I’m gonna take a bathroom break. I think it’s winding up here, so we’ll be able to leave soon.”

“Take your time, love.” 

Seth wanted to kiss him, but he didn’t, because this was a room full of people he didn’t know might judge him and affect his chances of a career boost. He felt like shit for caring. 

_What does that say about me?_

He made his way to the bathroom and used it, moving to the sink to wash his hands and still thinking about Dion and a kiss and how much he loved him. He didn’t pay attention when someone came in. No he stared at his hands, singing the chorus of _Mr. Brightside_ in his head because he was sick of repeating _Happy Birthday,_ and refused to spend CDC prescribed 20 seconds just counting to 20 seconds, and only looked up when he heard the bathroom door lock. A big man dressed like a caterer with graying hair and a sagging face with dark circles, stared back at him. 

“Hey, man. What the fuck-”

Seth was cut off when he was grabbed by the back of the neck and his head was slammed into the mirror. 

_What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck_

He was dazed. A trickle of blood leaked into his eye and it fucking _burned._

His feet were kicked out from under him, and before he knew what was happening, he was flat on his back and the man straddled his chest. 

He thrashed. 

He arched his back trying to kick him off. 

He screamed.

“Stop! STOP! Please, man I swear to god I didn’t do anything - _what the fuck_!”

_what the fuck what the fuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck_

The man didn’t listen. 

He pinned Seth’s arms with his legs and proceeded to pull out a bottle of what looked like pills. He got the top off and tossed it aside, then tried to use his fingers to pry Seth’s mouth open. He bit the man and was rewarded with a punch in the face. The man tried a different tactic and held Seth’s nose until he was forced to open his mouth to breath. As soon as he did, he shook the pills into Seth’s mouth and covered it with his hand so he couldn’t spit them out. 

Seth still thrashed -

Still kicked. 

_No, no, no, no._

_Dion, Dion, Dion, Dion._

He could feel tears on his face, slipping down into his ears. 

It tickled. 

It hurt. 

The man pulled a bottle of liquid from his jacket and was able to pull the top off with his teeth. He uncovered Seth’s mouth long enough to pour the entire contents down his throat. 

Seth coughed and sputtered against the burn. 

It was straight vodka. 

He _tried_. 

He tried so hard to fight it, but he swallowed the pills. He didn’t know what they were, but one thing he was absolutely sure about:

_They’re going to kill me_

The man replaced the bottle in his jacket and Seth only had a moments realization through the pain and panic -

Before the man reared back and punched Seth in the face. 

Once

Twice

Three times. 

He couldn’t even scream anymore. His head snapped to the side and everything was black.

-

He didn’t know how long he was out, but when he came to, he felt like he was underwater. 

_I’m not._

_I’m still on the bathroom floor -_

The man was gone. 

Everything came crashing back and he tried to open his mouth to scream, but it felt like his jaw was broken. 

Instead he moved. 

He crawled. 

He dragged himself to the nearest toilet and stuck his fingers down his throat. 

He gagged and gagged _and gagged_ until finally something came up. 

He didn’t know if he got any of the pills out of his system, but he slumped back down when he was too sick to hold himself up anymore. 

-

He felt like his heart was beating so slow. 

He was crying again.

-

Seth tried to get his bearings. 

He ran his hands over the bathroom floor, feeling the cold tile and the toilet near him. 

He ran his hands over his chest until he found his pinecone. 

_He squeezed it until the pain in his hand outweighed the pain in his heart._

“I checked your pockets before you left,” Harmen said. He was hovering over Seth’s face and Seth felt himself let out a sob. “I checked your pockets, Seth because I loved you. Seth. _Seth. Seth Seth Seth_.”

“SETH! Seth wake up! Oh my god, _please Seth_.”

He could feel himself being shaken. He tried to open his eyes and tell Harmen it was fine, _stop shaking me, it’s fine_ , but Dion was there. 

_Dion -_

Who was sobbing above him and begging him to stay awake.

“What the fuck?”

“Matt, call 911! CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE! Are there doctors in there?! Call 911 and then get a fucking doctor!”

Seth could still feel his pinecone in his hand. He squeezed it harder and tried to reach out to Dion.

“I love you so much,” he mumbled and oh. 

_Oh_

It hurt so much, but he didn’t stop. 

He should’ve kissed Dion. 

He was going to die with that regret in his heart and

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler triggers: pills and overdose
> 
> We're sorry. We're so fucking sorry... Trust us please?  
> Thank you to everyone who has sent in emails. The one we got this week literally gave us fucking CHILLS and we had to write it in as soon as we saw 'porcelain bird'. Istg we both were like CHILLS. GOOSEBUMPS. OH MY GOD THIS IS PERFECT. and it IS. It was the perfect boost we needed so please! If anyone else has any ideas! PLEASE EMAIL THEM TO US AT foxholenetwork@gmail.com and njosten.foxhole@gmail.com! You are literally shaping this story! Id seriously say more so than last season!  
> And to the person who literally just sent in *that* ask. You know who you are and you've just lit a fire under our ass. We're so. fucking. excited to write it in.  
> We will have the next chapter up as soon as possible. It will be an episode chapter, which takes us much longer. So if its not next week, the week after (we're aiming for next week). If we're silent on the main page, its mainly to avoid spoilers. Because shit is finally heating up and we're so unbelievably excited. 
> 
> Thank you again to you all. Seriously. Thank you to the readers that have been with us from the beginning, just started, and all those in between! You make writing this story so fucking rewarding and fun. So thank you, thank you, thank you! Kudos and comments are as always, very much appreciated! We'd love to hear you screaming at us about how horrible we are... we know.. we feel the pain too... I cried when reading Jeni's original... and nearly cried again during the rewrite so... T^T We feel you. 
> 
> * YOU CAN READ THE CABIN CHAPTER [HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20396083/chapters/48377791)  
> *Bollywood reference - we know it reads ehhhh. But blasting bollywood completely stereotypically, would be what Seth would do. 
> 
> Keep up with us on our socials!!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)


	9. Update 3/22/20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So same as last chapter, we wanted to get this up asap, which is why it's late! But there's not much to say, I dont think? This was a really hard chapter to write? Some big updates, obviously... some really sweet moments and sad moments and OH MY GOD YAAAASSS moments ;) We hope you like it! 
> 
> Also, due to how we write this series, we've had to incorporate the virus. Keep in mind, a lot of this chapter was written as the virus and things have been developing. So they may do things, treat it like it's whatever, forget to distance from each other in the beginning, but that's because the beginning of this was written two weeks ago. A LOT has changed since then, and we will change with it accordingly. But we'll talk more about that in the end notes. 
> 
> For now, Here's our list of triggers:  
> Mentions of supposed attempted suicide  
> Drugs  
> Alcohol  
> Overdose (all pertaining to Seth)  
> brief sexual content  
> mentions of Steven and the shit he does (brief)  
> and I think that's it... 
> 
> With the episode, evidence will be put out so just hold tight for that! For now, we hope you enjoy :)

_‘Don’t take any fuckin’ pills, Harmen. I’m not playin’ with you. I know you’re gonna be out there drinking and mixing that shit will kill you quick.’_

_Harmen rolled his eyes, adjusting his watch around his wrist and putting his wallet in his pocket. ‘Get off my dick, Seth. I don’t have any pills.’_

_Seth crowded up against him, more aggressive than seductive. Harmen didn’t hold with that. He didn’t want Seth to act like he was a boyfriend - snuggling and hugging and holding hands was not a thing they did. They weren’t out, so certainly not in public, but not even in private either._

~~_Not in the apartment they shared._ ~~

_Seth ran his hands over Harmen’s pockets and dipped his fingers inside, digging around his phone and his wallet to make sure he didn’t have anything._

_‘Unless you’re going to move that hand a little to the left, I suggest you back up.’_

_Seth laughed. ‘Who says I’m not? I got a few minutes.’_

_‘I don’t. I’m already supposed to be there. Don’t you have a gig to go to?’_

_Seth did. He turned away and tried to hide his disappointment. Lately, he didn’t know what they were doing here. Harmen refused to call him his boyfriend._

_Which was fine._

_Whatever._

_Seth didn’t even know if he was gay like that. After all, he still liked fucking women. Maybe Harmen was just like an experiment or some shit. Or maybe he didn’t like guys, he just liked Harmen._

_He knew deep down that wasn’t true, but it made Harmen’s rejections hurt less to think maybe this was all just some kind of phase._

_Except he loved Harmen. And Harmen told him he loved him, too._

_‘I don’t know when I’ll be back,’ he told Seth. He’d come find Seth when he was home. Drunk and horny and expectant._

_‘Okay.’_

_He grabbed Seth by the arm and turned him around. He pulled him in and kissed him hard. ‘I love you, Seth. You know that.’_

_‘Yeah. I know. I love you, too.’_

_Harmen_

_In the bathroom, Seth. We don’t_

_Overdose_

_I’m sorry. There was nothing_

_Nothing_

_There was nothing they could do_

_Dead_

_Dead_

_Harmen is dead_

_Overdosed_

_Overdosed_

**_Harmen is dead._**

Seth was crying when he woke up. He didn’t really remember why or where he was or what happened.

“D…” he croaked. His throat hurt so bad. His face hurt. His jaw hurt. His heart hurt.

“I’m here,” came a breathless voice beside him. “I’m here, baby. Don’t talk, okay? Don’t talk, it’s fine. You’re in the hospital and the doctors are taking care of you. You’re going to be fine.”

Seth cried harder, and Dion squeezed his hand, leaning forward and pressing it to his forehead. “Don’t cry, Seth. Please don’t cry, baby. I’ve been crying all night and you’re going to make me start again.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. I love you, so much. Don’t leave me. _Please don’t leave me_.”

“Hey, none of that, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you. I’m staying right here until they let me take you home.”

“You promise?”

“I swear on my life, Seth. I’m not leaving you.”

Seth closed his eyes again, the pain a little more bearable with Dion’s hand in his.

* * *

“Neil?”

Neil looked from the picture of the house in his hand, up to Andrew’s face. His eyes were creased in concern. “You know this house?”

Neil swallowed hard, closed his eyes, and bit hard on the inside of his lip as the memory rushed to the forefront of his mind. He wondered where it had been tucked away... suppressed and kept locked up like most of the memories dealing with his father, that life, and back then. 

_He was five; sitting in a living room of a house he didn’t know._

_He was upset because he missed school, and he’d just been chosen to play Exy with the big kids - with Riko and Kevin. He was showing them how good he was. He wanted them to like him._

_“Mummy, when are we going home?” he whined, thinking of his could-be friends and the time he was missing with them. Besides, his father wasn’t there, so he felt okay complaining just a bit. His mother wouldn’t hit him for it, so long as_ **_he_ ** _wasn’t around._

_“I don’t know, Nathaniel. We have to stay here until your father says.” She spoke quietly, watching as Romero stalked up and down the room, talking on a silver flip phone._

_He hated Romero._

_He hated his father._

_Nathaniel was angry. He knew his father was a very bad man and he ruined everything. Now, he was ruining this._

_His mother took him by the arm and led him into a small bedroom. It had an icky looking mattress._

_And nothing else._

_“Stay in here,” she said. “Do not leave unless I’m with you.”_

_Nathaniel nodded, because he had to. His mother shut the door and he stuck his tongue out at it._

_Stupid room. Stupid Romero. Stupid father._

_Nathaniel balled his tiny fists and kicked the wall._

_It didn’t help._

_He walked over to the window and stood on tiptoes to see outside. The house was surrounded by trees, so he couldn’t see the road. There was one in the front yard with lots of leaves and big branches. A wooden swing hung from it, moving forward and back. So welcoming -_

_Nathaniel looked back at the closed door, then again to the swing._

_Well, there was only one thing to do._

_He pushed against the window, but it wouldn’t budge. He quickly scanned the room and used the icky mattress, pushing it so that it was under the window and he could stand on top. Reaching up on tip toes again, he finally reached the lock and tried so very hard not to let out a ‘hah!’ of victory. Instead, he grunted as he pushed the window open. No screen blocked his path as he climbed out as quietly as he could, only huffing a small ‘oof’ when he fell to the ground and scraped his knee. He hissed a little and rubbed at it, but ultimately ignored the burn and sting in favor of the swing._

_He ran as quickly as he could and jumped onto it. He watched the front of the house as he kicked his legs in and out, in and out, in and out - higher and higher until he thought maybe he could clear the house... Maybe if he closed his eyes and let go, he’d fly clear over it._

_Maybe he’d fly away._

_Nathaniel didn’t know how long he was out there for. When he finally heard his mother yelling for him, he jumped off and hid behind the big tree. He knew he was in trouble. He was going to get hit. But his father wasn’t here, so he wouldn’t get the knives._

_The swing was worth it as long as he didn’t get cut._

_His mother ran out of the front door. He could hear his little heart pounding like a rabbit’s inside his ears. “Nathaniel!_ **_Nathaniel, where are you?!_ ** _Romero, call Nathan! He’s gone! He’s_ **_gone_ ** _!”_

_Nathaniel jumped out from behind the tree. He didn’t want Romero to call Nathan._

_His mother did spank him in the end._

_But he still thought it was worth it._

“I think this was one of Nathan’s houses,” he whispered, clenching his eyes shut and then blinking them open, over and over and over again - trying to forget the sting of his mothers hand, the want to be _free_ and jump over that fucking house, the need to impress Riko and Kevin.

Swallowing hard, he was so fucking glad that the rest of the team had gone home. He didn’t want anyone else to hear this. Not yet. He didn’t even really want Andrew to hear it, but he didn’t really have a choice. 

Andrew squatted down in front of Neil like Neil had done so many times for him, and put his hands on his legs. “Breathe, Neil,” he said, squeezing his thighs. 

_Neil. Neil, Neil, Neil - I’m Neil. I’m safe. I’m not Nathaniel - not anymore._ ~~_Whatever this is, it’s not my fault._ ~~

He tried to breathe, but it got caught in his chest. Andrew stood again and wrapped a hand firmly around the back of his neck. He brought one of Neil’s hands to press right over his heart. 

“Breathe with me, okay? Follow my breaths.”

Neil closed his eyes. 

It always started in his fingers. 

It always started in his fingers and worked its way up _up up_ his arms, to his shoulders, and invaded the little space he had left in his ribcage. It nestled there on the inside of his chest and made his lips go numb - his breaths go shallow. 

But somehow - _somehow_ \- there with his eyes closed and feeling the rise and fall of Andrew’s breaths, he breathed, too. 

It was hard. Andrew’s chest rose and fell slowly and he tried to match his rhythm. Neil could feel his heartbeat beneath his fingers, and it was so familiar. He thought he could pick it out in a room full of people. 

Eventually, he was able to take deeper breaths. The tingling in his fingers receded and he opened his eyes as the last dregs of dizziness faded away. 

“Okay?”

He nodded. Andrew pulled one of the desk chairs that sat around the conference room table towards him and sat across from Neil, keeping a hand on his leg. 

“Are you sure about this?”

Neil looked at the picture again, half crumpled in his free hand. 

“It’s been so long but...” He closed his eyes and felt a dull ache start in the middle of his forehead. The memory sparked itself behind his eyes again and he sighed, in defeat, in fear, in resignation. “I think, yeah,” he eventually nodded, opening his eyes once more to look back at Andrew. “I think this is it. Fuck, Andrew. What does that mean?” What he saw looking back at him wasn’t judgement. There was no disgust. He didn’t see the things he was feeling on the inside, reflecting onto Andrew’s face and that -

That was why he felt the way he did. All he saw was calm and understanding and _love_ . The _love_ was there, whether Andrew said it outloud or not. 

Andrew sighed and stood, kissing Neil’s forehead on the way before he helped pull him up. 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything right now. It’s late. Let’s get dinner and go home. We’ll worry about it in the morning.”

Neil was grateful. He allowed Andrew to pull him into a hug, resting his forehead on his partner’s shoulder and letting his body relax, bit by bit. 

“Come on,” Andrew murmured quietly against his skin. “I’ll buy you a burger.”

* * *

Neil had finally calmed down.

They were at home on the couch, having eaten their food and dutifully ignored talking about the house. Andrew sat with a pint of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream in his lap, and Neil had a bowl with peaches and to Andrew’s disgust, cottage cheese. 

“How can you eat that?”

Neil looked up at him with a piece of peach speared on a fork and liberally covered in cottage cheese. He shoved it in his mouth and smiled. 

“Disgusting.”

Neil laughed and swallowed. “Have you ever even had cottage cheese?”

“I don’t have to have it to know it’s disgusting. Every food I hate the most, I’ve never had.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Neil said, licking cottage cheese from his fork. “How can you hate it if you haven’t had it?”

“The same way I know I don’t fuck women, Neil. I just fucking _know_.”

Neil tipped his head back onto the couch and laughed. Andrew smiled around his spoon. “That was actually a really great argument. I’m so glad you’re gay.”

“Wow, no one’s ever said that to me. I don’t even know how to feel about that.”

He loved this. This easy back and forth with Neil. He took another bite of ice cream, and dug out his phone when it buzzed in his pocket. “I’m glad you’re demi.”

“I’m only gay for you, babe. Forever and ever.” 

Andrew rolled his **heart** eyes and checked his phone. It was Ramsey, their Hatford-assigned security. 

_‘Green toyota. Friend?’_

A man of few words. Andrew typed back the affirmative and set his ice cream on the table, throwing a concerned look Neil’s way. 

“Wymack’s here.”

Neil looked confused. “Why?”

Andrew walked to the door and opened it before Wymack could even knock.

“To what do we owe -” 

One look at Wymack’s face and Andrew’s smile fell. “What happened?”

Wymack was a large and imposing man. But his shoulders were slumped, his eyes red, lines of his face tense as he looked at Andrew, absolutely defeated. 

“It’s Seth.”

Andrew’s heart dropped. He opened the door wider to let Wymack in and Neil stood to join them near the door. No one sat.

Neil pulled the sleeves of Andrew’s hoodie over his hands, standing close with his shoulder pressed against his. “Is he okay?” he asked. 

But Andrew knew the answer. 

“I don’t know yet,” Wymack answered gruffly. “He’s on the way to the hospital in Raleigh.” He looked them in the eyes as he spoke, and Andrew could tell he was trying hard to stay calm for their sake. But Andrew didn’t miss the slight tremble in his voice. 

“ _What. Happened._ Wymack?” Andrew grit out, heart pounding and blood rushing. If anything serious happened to Seth -

He didn’t know. 

He didn’t _fucking_ know. 

_Fuck._

“He was at the benefit. Dion said he left to use the bathroom and didn’t come back for a while. When they went to look for him, he found him passed out in the bathroom. He said -” Wymack’s brows furrowed, pain in his eyes, “There were pills on the floor and he smelled like vodka.”

_No._

Andrew pulled back his chin and shook his head. “No. No, no, _no_ . Seth is _sober_. There’s no fucking way he’s doing drugs again and don’t you fucking dare suggest that.”

Neil took his hand and squeezed. Wymack held his hands up in front of him. 

“I know that, Andrew. I know. I’m just telling you the facts as I heard them. He’d also been beaten pretty badly.”

Neil made a small sound in his throat and Andrew squeezed his hand harder. 

“Who _fucking_ did this though? Why would someone do it to _him_ ? To fucking Seth!? He’s practically a puppy! Why the fuck would anyone want to hurt _him_?!”

“I don’t know. I don’t have any answers. But I came here as soon as I heard, because I wanted to tell you in person,” Wymack paused, looking between the two of them and sighed. “But also, because I knew you’d jump in the car and do 120 trying to get there.”

“You’re damn fucking right I am,” Andrew said, turning and grabbing his keys off their side table, pulling Neil gently with him by the hand he held. “Seth is _one of mine_. I’m not just going to fucking stand here and -”

“Drew.”

Andrew stopped, pressing his lips together and turned to look at Neil. “Come on. Raleigh is a couple of hours away. Let’s quickly pack a bag and then we’ll go.”

Andrew looked back to Wymack, who just nodded. “I’ll drive. Abby’s waiting in the car. Go get your things.”

Neil led him up the stairs and closed their door behind them. Andrew collapsed on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. He felt the mattress dip as Neil sat beside him. Sir and King, who’d been curled in the nest of blankets, immediately joined them - pressed against him. Andrew scooped King into his arms and let Neil put an arm around his shoulders to pull him close. 

“The others are there,” Neil said quietly. “They’ll send us updates.”

Andrew leaned his head on Neil’s shoulder, letting King put her cold nose on his neck. “If he doesn’t... if he…”

“I know.” Neil cut him off, squeezing him to his body. “I know, Andrew. But we can’t think like that until we know more.”

Neil stood after another minute and silently started packing while Andrew just sat with King, Sir joining to purr against his side. 

“I was an asshole to him. All week, I was an asshole because he wasn’t doing things how I wanted. I didn’t text him to apologize yet.” 

And that guilt settled in his belly like a thick molasses. It sat and weighed, rising bile in his throat. He clenched his jaw and tried to swallow it down. 

“You can tell him when you see him,” Neil said, quipped with no-nonsense tickling the edges of his words. He shoved their toiletry bag into the duffle he’d packed, then zipped it up and threw it over his shoulder. When he held out his hand to Andrew, his eyes were soft. “Come on.”

Andrew took his hand and let Neil lead him down the stairs, out of the house, and to Wymack’s car. Abby said something, but he wasn’t sure what. Neil replied, and he wasn’t sure how. 

Andrew leaned his head against the cold car window and watched lights rush by as they made their way to Raleigh.

* * *

Halfway there, Dan called with an update. Wymack put it on speaker so they could all hear. 

_‘They pumped his stomach as soon as they got him here. He managed to throw up some of the pills, but he still had some in his stomach. They don’t know what they are yet -’_ She sniffed, like she was trying not to cry. _‘Dion says they think he tried to kill himself.’_

“Yeah and what? He beat himself up?” Neil scoffed. 

“That’s fucking ridiculous,” Andrew followed, seething from the back seat. Honestly, it was all a testament to how distracted he was by Seth that he didn’t argue about driving. 

_‘I know, believe me. I know. He was beat pretty bad in the face, too. But luckily the damage isn’t permanent. He had a dislocated jaw when he came in, but that was an easy fix. Now he’s just swollen with some cuts.’_

“So he’ll be fine?” Neil asked. He held his breath. They all needed to hear it, but Neil needed Andrew to hear it the most.

‘ _Physically, he’ll be fine._ ’

But he heard what Dan didn’t say. None of them had any idea what this was going to do to Seth mentally. 

He was glad Dion was there. “Are they letting Dion stay with him?”

After a sigh and a beat of silence, Neil could practically see Dan nodding on the other side of the phone. _‘Yeah. Apparently, he woke up at one point crying for him. From then, he refused to leave Seth’s side and no one fought him on it, thank god. Seth needs him right now. As for us, they won’t let any of us back. They’re kicking us out.’_

“Yeah, well. We’re on our way and they’re not kicking us out.”

Dan sighed again. _‘I know you want to see him Andrew, but it’s after visiting hours. That, mixed with the coronavirus shit that’s happening, and they’re not letting any unnecessary people hang around in the building.’_ There was a bit of background noise, Dan moving around or something, before she continued. _‘We just talked to Dion and he said he’s staying with him all night. We’re going to check into a hotel so we can see him first thing in the morning.’_

Anything that Neil knew Andrew wanted to say was cut off when Wymack replied, “Fine. We’re not too far now.”

“Dan, send me the address of the hotel,” Abby said, digging in her purse. “I have the network card for TFN, I’ll call and make reservations.”

When they hung up, Neil reached an arm across the backseat in the dark for him. Andrew’s hand met him halfway and grabbed onto Neil’s forearm tightly. 

He could feel the relief in Andrew’s touch. 

* * *

They sat side by side on their hotel bed. Neil laced Andrew’s fingers through his own and laid his head on his shoulder. 

“We’re not going to get any sleep tonight,” he murmured quietly. 

“No.”

Andrew closed his eyes and willed his chest to ease. He knew Seth would be okay - knew Dion wouldn’t say it unless it was true, but coming so close...

It’d been a rude awakening for him - to realize how close he and Seth had grown. He still thought he was an idiot, loud and obnoxious and unrelentingly annoying. 

But he was Seth. 

He was the most non-judgemental person Andrew knew, and more than that, he was fucking brave. The way he’d handled everything - the drugs, coming out, Harmen? ~~_Well. He didn’t handle all of them that well._ ~~ _Still._ He was in a place now where he had a masters degree, a career, a boyfriend that was crazy about him, and Andrew thought it must’ve taken a lot of courage to dedicating oneself to living your best fucking life after the world had done its absolute best to tear you to pieces because of it. 

“He’s fine,” Neil said, squeezing Andrew’s hand. 

“Is he?”

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Neil left him on the bed to answer it, and came back with Brianna and Kevin trailing after him - still in their formal wear from the benefit. Brianna sat in the desk chair, crossing her legs and arms in tandem in a magenta dress, while Kevin leaned against the wall, looking at his shoes. 

“What happened?” Andrew asked, no. _Demanded_.

Kevin opened his mouth, but he was cut off by another knock too. Andrew got up this time, pushing himself up on his toes to look through the peephole before opening it. Lloyd and Dan were followed in by Wymack and Abby. 

In Wymack’s hands were two large shopping bags. “Here. Comfortable clothes. Abby picked ‘em out, so I don’t wanna hear no bitching.”

The two overdressed couples took turns in the bathroom changing, and before long all of them were spread out around the room. Matt laid across their bed and Dan and Brianna sat on the desk. Wymack had taken the chair, but moved when Abby returned with sandwiches from the nearest grocery store. He stood next to Kevin against the wall, close enough so their arms brushed. 

Silent comfort. 

“Matt what happened to your hand?” Neil asked. He and Andrew had taken their spots on the bed, with Lloyd sprawled like a dog at the end. 

Matt lifted his hand and looked at it, before dropping it back to the bed with barely a wince as he sighed heavily. His eyes found Kevin to explain. Matt looked exhausted. Defeated. 

“It was Riko… he set Seth up,” Kevin said, finally looking up.

Andrew sat up ramrod straight, upending his sandwich onto the blanket. “What? Are you fucking serious?”

Kevin ran a hand over his face, and Brianna reached over from her perch to squeeze his arm. 

“Yes. I had been keeping an eye on him all night. I saw him go talk to Seth not long before it happened. When Dion found him, Matt ran out and told us what happened,” Kevin’s jaw tightened. He looked down at his own hand, the scars spidering pale and ragged across his skin. He clenched it into a fist and shook his head. “Riko was right there. He just… he smiled. Everything around us was chaos and we could hear Dion screaming from the bathroom and Riko just stared at us and fucking-”

Kevin cut himself off, pressing his lips together and shaking his head. Brianna slid off the desk, her food forgotten and stood in front of Kevin. He wrapped his arms around her neck and pulled her in, resting his chin on her head and closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

Andrew’s hands were shaking. He wanted to puke. Every bite he’d eaten sat in his stomach like a lead weight. He stood, just because he couldn’t stand sitting anymore.

“We have to go to the police about this,” Wymack growled.

“They won’t believe-”

“They need to fucking pick him up and put him in protective custody because I will fucking murder that little shit,” Wymack said, quietly but fiercly. “Wilds!”

Dan jumped from her spot on the desk. “You gonna eat that sandwich or deconstruct it?” 

Dan had been picking at her food. She was frozen with a tomato between her thumb and forefinger. 

“Eat. All of you eat. You need food.”

“We ate at the benefit,” Dan said sulkily.

“I don’t care. Eat some more,” Wymack said, gesturing around to them all. Wymack, Andrew noted, hadn’t even taken a bite out of the sandwich he held.

“So where does your hand fall into all of this?” Neil asked Lloyd. 

“I punched Riko,” he sighed. 

“You _what?”_ Neil set his food on the table by the bed and crawled over to Matt, punching him in the shoulder. “You should’ve led with that, asshole.”

“It really was something,” Brianna said. “Just fucking popped that fucker straight in his stupid mug.”

Dan’s face broke with a feral grin. “Yeah he did. Showed Riko what happens when you fuck with us.” He eyes lit on her boyfriend and he grinned back.

Matt flexed his fingers. “We were outside watching Seth get loaded into the ambulance.” His grin faded and he turned his gaze to the ceiling. “He was so fucked up. His face was a mess and he was covered in puke and reeked of booze. I thought he was dead,” Matt said quietly, closing his eyes for a moment. “I thought he was fucking dead.” Dan joined him on the bed. She sat next to him and Matt immediately laid his head in her lap. “Riko was just there smiling and laughing and ‘what a shame-ing’ all over the pace and I couldn't fucking take it. So, I wiped the smile off his face.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment, but Andrew finally spoke. Because someone had to do it - someone had to fucking let Riko know that they wouldn’t just let him do whatever the fuck he wanted. 

“Good job, Boyd.”

Every pair of eyes turned to look at him, ‘Boyd’ instead of ‘Lloyd’ ringing in the air. 

_He earned his name today._

“I guess the question now is does Ichirou know. Did he order this?” Andrew looked to Kevin, but Kevin shook his head.

“I don’t know. I don’t pretend to know how his mind works. But I’d be surprised. I don’t see Ichirou going after us that indirectly.”

Andrew had to agree. Ichirou had said he’d go after people who were important to him, but he thought if he really intended to, it would’ve been Bee or one of the girls. “So, Riko did this himself. Why?”

“A lot of reasons, probably,” Neil said from the bed. “Your response to his interview, Seth’s drawing on the picture. Maybe he got in trouble after what happened, what you said to Ichirou.”

“Wait, what happened?” Dan asked. Andrew waved her off. 

“Doesn’t matter. The point is Riko went after Seth and tried to kill him. He tried to _kill him_. There’s no way he shoved pills down his throat in that bathroom and meant for him to walk away.”

“This is insane,” Boyd said, and Andrew had to agree. 

Everyone went more or less quiet after that. They stayed together for as long as they could stand to be awake. Andrew suspected they may have made a nest on the floor just to be near and close - if it weren’t for the fact that no one wanted to lay on a hotel room floor. Not to mention, it was clear that every couple wanted to be alone. He could see that. While they all needed each other, there was something to be said about having _someone_ to lean on - someone to borrow strength from. He knew how he felt about Neil, how much he leaned on him sometimes to stay afloat. This was the first time he took a moment to think that maybe the rest of them felt that way, too.

How odd... having what others had, in his life. Neil’s _‘I love you_ ’ echoed in his head and an unreasonable amount of warmth spread throughout his body. 

_Anyway._

Each couple trickled out. Matt and Dan were first, Kevin and Brianna following soon after. Wymack was left lingering, searching Andrew’s face with a knowing eye. 

“You gonna do somethin’ stupid?”

Andrew shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know yet.”

“Let me know when you do.”

There was a look of understanding passed between them. It wasn’t the first time. Wymack didn’t want him to go put himself in harm's way, but the anger and fear and understanding of wanting to be impulsive and do just that was there. 

“Come on, David,” Abby murmured, rubbing his back and looking between them as if she understood. ~~She probably did.~~ Gently, she started tugging him towards the door. “You need sleep, too.” Wymack grumbled but followed. 

When Andrew and Neil were alone, Andrew sat heavily back down on the bed and rubbed his face. 

_Riko. Fucking Riko_ **_fucking_ ** _Moriyama._

“What do we do?” 

Neil sighed from behind him. 

“We take a shower, Drew. Come on.”

He didn’t argue. Following Neil into the bathroom, he let Neil undress him - let him lead him into the shower, wash his hair, and massage away the tension. 

They didn’t sleep. 

He didn’t think anyone else in their crew was sleeping either. And there was no way they’d be able to until they saw Seth with their own eyes. 

Even knowing he was okay wasn’t enough.

They lay in bed facing each other, hands between them and pinkies linked. 

“We’re going to have to go to Ichirou with this,” Neil whispered, like he didn’t want to disturb the dark. 

Andrew sighed. He pulled out his phone and typed a message on twitter. Because he knew his social media was being watched, and he had no other way of gaining attention.

 _‘I know you see this.’_ He wrote. _‘Call me.’_

* * *

When morning finally broke, Neil lifted his head from the pillow and opened his eyes blearily. 

_Did I even sleep?_

He didn’t know. 

His head felt like cotton was stuffed inside. 

His eyes burned. 

He turned them to the side, reaching out with an arm to feel if Andrew was beside him. He wasn’t. Andrew sat in front of the window in the desk chair - knees pulled up to his chin and arms wrapped around them. He was watching the sky lighten, his hair hanging loose around his face and just brushing his shoulder where he had his head tilted to the side. 

Neil slowly rose from the bed, grabbed ~~Andrew’s~~ his hoodie and pulled it on, warm and comforting, then pulled the sleeves over his hands. 

“Did you sleep?” he asked his partner, standing beside him and watching the world brighten. 

Was Seth awake? Was he thinking about how close he’d been to not seeing the light of the world again? The sun, the sky, the clouds?

“No,” Andrew replied, voice rough. Neil slid a hand onto his shoulder and Andrew reached up to hold it. They stayed that way for a long time as brighter and brighter the world outside the window became, bleeding into their little space. Andrew watched the city outside, become alive. Neil watched as the light touched Andrew’s pale skin, his blond hair, making him come alive, too. 

The silence wrapped itself around them, saying things that they did did not. 

Not until Andrew spoke them outloud. 

“I love you, too,” he said, but he really didn’t have to. Neil squeezed his shoulder, squeezed the hand that he hadn’t let go of since Neil had come to stand beside him - hadn’t let go of since that moment in the snack shack when their pinkies crossed. 

“I know.”

* * *

They could only see Seth one at a time, and they weren’t allowed to wait inside the hospital to take their turns. Coronavirus fears were more rampant than Andrew realized, but no one complained about having to wait. 

Dion came out to join them where they gathered around the cars they’d taken here. Boyd went in first to see him, and he offered Dion a tight hug before he departed. 

Dion looked exhausted. Haunted. Andrew offered him a tight smile and said, “I’m glad they let you stay.”

“I didn’t give them a choice.” The words were flat. Dion’s eyes were dull and the clothes he’d worn to the benefit were wrinkled. He’d pulled his turtleneck out of his pants and still wore his shiny shoes. 

“Do you want me to take you to get a change of clothes?” Wymack offered. “You must be uncomfortable in that fancy shit.”

Dion gave him a small smile and shook his head. “I don’t want to be too far, just in case.”

A black car with tinted windows pulled up next to them and they all turned their heads to watch as Allison Reynolds, long blond hair swinging and dressed as casually as Andrew had ever seen her in athletic clothes and sneakers, jumped out before it even fully stopped. She ran to Dion and crushed him into a hug. 

He melted. It was the only way Andrew could think to describe it. Allison must’ve been holding Dion up, because he completely lost it. He sobbed into her shoulder and she just rubbed his back, whispering into his ear. 

“I’m here. It’s okay, D. It’s okay, he’s going to be fine. I got here as fast as I could, I’m so sorry it took so long.”

Another door opened and Renee stepped out, pulling a couple of bags with her as the driver of the car popped the trunk so she could get out one more. 

Allison pulled back from Dion and wiped his face with her thumbs. “I brought you some things. Seth too, okay? Come on, let’s go get changed. You’ll feel better when you’re comfortable.”

Dion didn’t argue. Tears still streamed down his face as Allison led him away, intent on commandeering a bathroom.

Renee joined them in keeping vigil next to the cars after putting their bags in Wymack’s trunk. “Sorry it took so long to get here.”

“Took so long?” Dan asked. “Renee it’s literally been like... ten hours since we called you. How’d you both get here?”

“Allison hired a private jet. She didn’t want to fly commercial with the virus going around, so she had it cleaned and sterilized before it took off. It stopped in Columbia long enough to pick me up and then came here.”

Abby wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. Wymack asked if she was hungry, apparently intent on feeding all of them until they exploded.

One by one, they all went in. Andrew didn’t see Reynolds or Dion again. He had no idea where they were - whether they found an area they could camp out that wasn’t the waiting room, or whether they were sitting in the bathroom just waiting it out - he had no idea. 

He was the last to go in. Neil came back and though he looked solemn, he looked better - not as anxious. The first thing he did was tightly hug Andrew right there with everyone watching. Neil whispered in his ear, “He said to get your tiny ass in there before he makes a lot of people angry by running out here with his ass hanging out.”

Andrew choked out a laugh and squeezed him back. 

_Fucking Seth._

A nurse made him sign his name on a piece of paper, then led him to Seth’s room. 

“Don’t stay too long,” she said. “He’s had a lot of visitors and he needs to rest.”

Andrew nodded, eyes scanning the corridor that was completely deserted of visitors, and instead populated by dozens of nurses and staff scurrying about. Deciding not to think about that, he turned to Seth’s door and let himself in. 

Seth was sitting up in the bed, headphones around his neck and laptop propped up by his knees. Andrew stopped dead when Seth looked up at him.

His face was still swollen - left eye completely shut with a gash stitched through his brow, and lip split and swollen. 

But he was still Seth. So he grinned at Andrew and said, “Fuck you, Minyard, I’m still beautiful.”

Andrew shook his head and made his way to the side of Seth’s bed, falling heavily in the chair stationed there. “You must be enjoying everyone fawning all over you.”

Seth set his laptop aside and turned to face Andrew, only wincing slightly. “You have no fuckin clue. Alli’s probably gonna buy me a fuckin’ Porsche or something.”

“Go for the Maserati. Trust me, it’s a better ride.”

Seth laughed, hissing at his split lip.

Andrew leaned forward in the chair, elbows on his knees. “This was Riko.”

Seth sighed and slumped back into his pillows, mask falling away - the need to present a happy front of carefree laughter, dying at just the mention of Riko’s name.

“We really gonna do this right now?” he asked, staring at the ceiling. 

Andrew shook his head. He didn’t know what to say. What to do that would make this okay. 

To make Seth okay. 

~~_I just needed him to be okay._ ~~

“I just want to make sure you know. I don’t see him coming after you again, but you need to be careful-”

“Maybe I’ll get coronavirus.” Seth turned his head toward Andrew grinning again. “I sure as fuck know who I’m sneezing on first.”

Andrew didn’t smile - didn’t laugh. He stared at Seth until his face fell again. 

A tear followed. 

“I didn’t even do nothin’,” he said quietly.

“I know.”

“I kept tellin’ him - The man that did this... I kept sayin’ I didn’t do nothin’.”

Andrew’s fists balled in front of him. 

_Rage_ , white hot and blinding rose up in him like a snake ready to strike; threatening to unleash on the next person he came in contact with. He took a deep breath and reeled it in. He had to. There was no choice. So Andrew willed himself to save that anger, that acid, that _venom_ for the person who deserved it the most. 

“I’m going to take care of this.”

“How? How can any of us do anything against them? We’ve been fightin’ a fuckin’ losing battle this entire time, Andrew.”

“I don’t know yet. But I promise you. I’m going to make him pay for this. I’m not going to sit back and let him fuck with one of mine like this. First Neil, and now… you could have _died_.”

Seth scoffed, but there was no humor. He gasped for a breath, like any second he was going to lose it as he said, “I almost did. They said I got here in time for them to pump my stomach, but if I hadn’t, I dunno what woulda happened.” He swallowed hard and played with the thin blanket on his bed, rubbing it between his fingers. “I kept thinkin’ about Harmen...”

Andrew didn’t respond. He let Seth gather his thoughts. 

“He died on the floor of a bathroom. Overdose, they said. But I checked, Andrew,” His brows furrowed and he winced, but it didn’t stop him as he shook his head and screwed his eyes shut. “I checked his pockets before he left -” like he was seeing it all, the memory right behind his eyes. “He didn’t have anything. I _know_ he didn’t. I _checked_ ,” he repeated. “He knew what could happen if he mixed the pills with alcohol...”

“What are you saying?” Andrew whispered, mind running a mile a minute. 

Seth shrugged, eyes opening but they were distant. “I don’t even fuckin’ know. It’s just weird, how similar it is... If I’d died last night, would they have said it was an overdose, too?”

Andrew felt a thread, a thought catching onto others and tangling around each other. He tried to follow it, to chase it, but the present weighed heavily on him and his mind, and another thought came rustling in, distracting his progress. “Dion said they think you tried to kill yourself.”

Seth snorted, eyes snapping back to focus. “Would you have believed that shit?”

Andrew shook his head. “Not for a second. You’re the happiest I’ve ever seen you. I hated you for it a little, you know. When I got back and saw how well you were doing. It was stupid, but you pulled yourself out of some hard shit. I didn’t know…” Andrew looked out of the window.

“That you’d find Neil?”

Andrew just nodded, eyes focused on a branch waving in the wind, fresh spring buds just beginning to bloom bright and green against the sky.

He _didn’t_ know that he’d find Neil - that he’d have Neil. 

_That I’d love him._

He sat in that chair in front of the hotel window for hours last night - this morning. He watched the sun rise, wondering what he would be feeling if things had gone the other way for Seth... If they’d gone the other way for _Neil_. 

His father shot him. Lola tried to kill him. Ichirou held a gun to his fucking head and his lackey did the same thing not that long ago. 

All Andrew wanted in life right now was to _protect Neil_. To live a boring fucking life with him and the cats and -

When Neil stood beside him and put that hand on his shoulder, Andrew wanted him to know... _Needed_ him to know. What if he died tomorrow? What if someone waited in the shadows and finished the job Lola had tried so hard to accomplish almost one year ago? Andrew had never put much stock in _those_ words, but it was much less scary than he’d thought it would be. 

Mostly because it felt so right. 

It was like there was a coiling spring that had unraveled in his chest - easing some tension he didn’t know was there. He’d crossed a line that he knew he could never fucking come back from, and to be honest? He never felt more sure about anything in his entire goddamn life. 

Andrew pushed his glasses to the top of his head and rubbed his eyes, then groaned when he realized he shouldn’t be doing that. Dropping them, he blinked his eyes hard and shook his head and until his glasses landed back on his nose. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole to you last week,” he eventually bit out. He didn’t apologize often, unless it was to Neil for being an idiot. But it’d been eating at him - the thought that the last phone call they’d had was how they were going to leave things. 

“You should be, asshole. Fuckin’ callin’ me demanding to know where I was. That’s a hostile work environment.” He was joking again. Andrew let him this time, giving him what he could muster of a smile. 

“Go wash your hands and get Dion,” Seth said, nodding his chin to the sink as he let Andrew off the hook. “I need my man to fuss over me some more. You’re depressing me.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, stood to wash his hands, then headed towards the door as Seth said before he left, “Hey.”

Andrew turned. 

“Thanks.” 

He nodded and left. 

The tension in his shoulders receded. Just a bit. 

* * *

They let Seth go on Monday. 

The rest of them went home that day, too, but only after making sure everything went okay with Seth’s release from the hospital. 

The cops had come to talk to him that morning he said. He’d told them what he could, but he hadn’t mentioned Riko. What would’ve been the point? They had no concrete proof and accusing him would cause more issues in the long run. 

No.

They’d take care of it internally. 

Seth and Dion flew home on Allison’s jet. She didn’t want him sitting in a car for longer than he had to with his injuries. Of course, Seth didn’t complain, and they dropped everyone off at the airport before they headed back to Palmetto in a small convoy of cars with Wymack in front, then Dan and Matt, and Kevin and Brianna following behind. 

They returned to the studio on Tuesday to an empty campus. It was spring break and as the cases of covid-19 in South Carolina grew, they were waiting for school officials to announce class cancelations for at least another week. Neil just assumed they’d follow suit with the rest of the country. 

Global pandemics could only distract for so long, though. As soon as they were back in the office and Neil saw the picture of the house sitting there, taunting him, the reality of what they could be dealing with came crashing back. 

“I want to go look at it,” he told Andrew. “I need to make sure. I feel like I’m going crazy... Like there’s this hazy picture of the house in my head that I remember over this one, but I don’t know if they match.”

“Plane tickets are cheap as fuck right now,” Andrew said from his desk, looking at his laptop screen. 

Neil looked up from the picture to stare at Andrew. “Are you fucking joking? We’re not going on a plane right now.”

Andrew shrugged. “Just a suggestion,” then, “You know statistically, even if we caught it, we’d probably be fine. It’s just passing it to other -”

“Andrew, jesus christ. This is a fucking respiratory illness you twat.”

“I don’t smoke anymore,” Andrew said defensively, swiveling in his chair to face Neil. “You made me quit, _mom_.”

Neil set the picture on the chair next to him and crossed his arms. “Fucking right I made you quit. And how long before that did you spend being an emo asshole, smoking on rooftops and listening to music about how black your soul is?”

Andrew’s mouth twitched. He was holding back a grin. 

“You know... not that long…”

Neil snorted. “It was at least ten years. Ten whole years of you sucking poison into your lungs because I wasn’t there to tell you to knock it off.” Neil shook his head sadly. “What would have become of you, had I not intervened on your lungs behalf?”

Andrew finally let the smile bloom, laughing quietly. “Why are you acting like you weren’t smoking that whole time, too?”

“Um, I _wasn’t_. I only smoked occasionally. I like the smell,” He tilted his head and shrugged. “Honestly, that’s the only thing I miss about you smoking. I like the way the cigarettes smell on your skin.”

Andrew raised a brow. “Some people would say that’s gross.”

“Some people don’t associate that smell with the two most important people in their lives. Their loss I guess.”

Andrew’s lips twitched, something in his eyes shining - until he rolled them and turned back to his computer, typing something in. “It’s a five hour drive from here to Annapolis. You ready for a road trip?”

“Only if I can pick the snacks.”

* * *

They told the others they were going to look at the safe house. 

They didn’t tell them why - just that the particular one may have something that would lead them to Steven. No one had questioned them, and Andrew was glad for Neil’s sake. 

When they’d gotten back and could breathe easier knowing Seth was safe, the reality of the potential connection between Steven and Nathan Wesninski came crashing back to him. 

They contacted James Hodges again to look into the house for them. They didn’t know if it was empty, or if someone lived there, or what. He called them back that same day and told them it was empty, and he’d managed to get a key. They made plans to meet him in Annapolis. 

They left Wednesday morning from the studio. Andrew needed to grab a few things and he wanted to talk to Dan again to go over their plans. They were getting ready to head out when Seth and Dion walked in.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Andrew demanded. Seth’s face looked a bit better, the swelling going down, but the bruising looking worse.

Dion looked tense. Tight lipped. “He insisted when he should be _resting in bed_.” He directed the last bit at Seth, but Seth just smiled at him and slid an arm around his waist. He pulled Dion close and whispered something in his ear. Dion’s stern expression softened and he kissed Seth on the cheek. 

“You’re lucky I love you.”

“Believe me, I know.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “This is all very disgusting, thank you, but why the fuck are you here? You’re supposed to be laying in bed and letting Dion spoon feed you pudding or some shit.”

“Ran out of pudding.” 

Andrew didn’t laugh.

Seth huffed. “I’m fucking _bored_ , alright? I’m fine! My face is a little puffy but that’s it. They’re about to put us on lockdown, so let me get out while I can. Aren’t we supposed to release a podcast this week?”

“It’s delayed,” Andrew responded, hoisting his bag on his shoulder. “We’re going to look at a house in Annapolis. We’ll probably include it in the podcast and I don’t expect us to be able to record the whole thing by Sunday. Don’t sit around here waiting for us.”

Andrew shouldered past Seth and Dion and waited for Neil in the car. Wymack, at least, would make sure Seth didn’t stay too long. His phone buzzed with a text from Robin.

_‘They just cancelled exy. I have no idea if well be able to play the rest of the season,but for now I dont have practice.’_

Andrew grimaced and responded.

_‘They’re probably going to cancel classes, too. Stay inside.’_

She was staying with Dan and Matt for spring break. She didn’t want to go home and her parents were actually fine with her not getting on a plane. He sighed and leaned back in the seat of the car, wondering what was taking Neil so long. 

This whole virus thing was really fucking things up. He tried not to worry, but the more he heard the more nervous he got. He picked up his phone and called Aaron.

_‘Yeah?’_

“Hey.”

 _‘Hey? What’s up?_ ’

“Nothing.”

Aaron sighed into the phone. ‘ _We’re fine, Andrew. Kate’s still on maternity leave. She’s home with Dylan and Bella’s school is closed. We’d be keeping her home anyway.’_

Andrew ran a hand over the leather of the steering wheel, squeezing it until he heard it creak.

“And you?”

Aaron worked in a hospital. He dealt with sick people all day long. He was still in residency, so he floated between units, but Andrew was sure if it was bad enough in his area, they would use whoever they could to fight against the flow of infected people.

 _‘I’m fine, Andrew_ ,’ Aaron said, a little quieter than before. Andrew ground his teeth. He didn’t know why things were harder with him than they were with anyone else. He’d come so far with Neil... Didn’t have trouble with Bee, although maybe that was because she knew how to navigate his moods and issues. But Aaron?

_‘Everyone here is being super cautious and it hasn’t gotten crazy yet. We’re all just watching Italy and New York, and preparing for the worst, hoping for the best.’_

Andrew let out a breath. “Right. Okay.”

_‘Okay.’_

Andrew only let the awkward silence linger for a few seconds before he couldn’t stand it.

“We’re going to Annapolis. For the case.”

_‘Driving?’_

“Yeah.”

_‘Good.’_

“Yeah.” a beat of silence. “I’ll text you later.”

Neil appeared and dropped into the passenger seat as Andrew hung up. He set his phone in the cupholder and pulled out as Neil tossed his bag into the backseat. 

“Who was that?”

“Aaron.”

“Ah,” Neil said in a way that let Andrew know he knew what the conversation had been about. Of course he did. “They okay?”

“Fine.”

“Good.” He reached back to where he’d thrown his bag and came back with a ziplock full of trail mix. Andrew looked at him in disgust. 

“That better be a fucking joke.”

Neil grinned and opened it, digging a hand in and popping a pretzel in his mouth. “What? It has M&M’s in it.”

Andrew was spared responding by Neil’s phone ringing. “Fuck. It’s Stuart.”

He’d been hounding them about why they’d disappeared over the weekend. They’d told him where they’d gone, but not why.

Neil answered and put it on speaker. Andrew spoke before he could. “Good morning, Stu.”

_‘Why are you answering my nephew’s phone?’_

Neil rolled his eyes. “I’m here Uncle Stuart.”

 _‘Beautiful. Care to explain why Ramsey just informed me that he saw you two leave with bags this morning? Like you’re hopping town again_?’

“Because we’re _hopping_ town again,” Andrew said. “I didn’t know you wanted to join. Let me tell you Stu, you dodged a bullet. Neil brought trail mix for fuck’s sake.”

“It has M&M’s,” Neil argued.

_‘Cut the shit you two. You slip away to Raleigh and tell me nothing and now this. I’m trying to protect you here. Why the fuck were you in Raleigh-’_

“Riko Moriyama tried to kill Seth.” 

Andrew whipped his head around to look at Neil. They knew they’d have to tell Stuart eventually, if for no other reason than they needed to figure out a way to deal with this and that it would involve Ichirou -

Who still hadn’t taken the bait of Andrew’s tweet. 

_‘What? And you’re just now mentioning this to me?! This is why I need you to keep me in the loop!_ ’

Neil sighed. “Well, now you know. We’re still trying to figure out how to handle this. Going after Riko won’t do anything but make life harder for all of us, but we also can’t just let this happen. We need to discuss it with Ichirou. I have a hard time believing he condoned it.”

_‘No, I don’t think he would have. Tell me the details.’_

Neil did. Andrew tried to tune it out. He didn’t want to hear it again - didn’t want to think about it.

_‘God, what a little knob. No, I can’t imagine Ichirou put his stamp of approval on that. If he’s caught wind of it, he’s fuming.’_

“And if he hasn’t?” Andrew asked.

_‘Then I think we should let him know. I know I’ve been trying to lay low, but I think it’s time we talk to them as a family.’_

Andrew gripped the wheel harder. This fucker was still trying to suck Neil in…

“Just say whatever it is you’re getting at Stuart,” Neil said.

_‘It’s the best way to protect you. It’s time you stood up as a Hatford.’_

* * *

Neil got off the phone with Stuart quickly. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation, and he didn’t want to have it with Stuart before he had it with Andrew. 

It was quiet when he hung up the phone. 

“I guess we should talk-”

“No,” Andrew said. It was short and it was final, and Neil flinched at his tone because it was just so reminiscent of that time before - the time right before they’d broken up; when Andrew was so determined to keep everything buried deep inside. 

Andrew didn’t miss it. He let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in that way. I just... I can’t think about it right now. I know it’s a conversation we have to have, and we _will_. Just... later, okay?” 

Neil reached over and rubbed a hand over Andrew’s thigh. “Yeah. Later.”

Andrew squeezed his hand once, before placing it back on the wheel. 

“Do you want to see the actual snacks I brought you now?” Neil asked after a minute. 

“Ah, Neil,” Andrew said as Neil pulled out a few of Andrew’s favorite chocolatey protein bars. “I knew you wouldn’t do me that way.”

“Maybe I would though,” Neil said, handing them over with a smirk. “Sometimes I annoy you just for fun. I like seeing you all hot and bothered.”

“Don’t I fucking know it,” Andrew mumbled.

-

It was a five hour drive, but it didn’t feel that long. Honestly, Neil was enjoying himself. Road Trips with Andrew just felt like a really long date. They talked about everything and nothing, laughed and joked and teased. Andrew complained when Neil took off his shoes and put his feet on the dash, but dared to take a picture of Neil with the window down and the wind in his hair as he drove.

Neil took one of Andrew in retaliation. His eyes were on the road and his mouth was curled into a smile, teeth just showing. The afternoon light glinted off his lip and septum piercings, and his hair was up. Strands that weren’t long enough to stay tied were loose around his face and Neil thought Andrew was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. 

He didn’t really think that way about people in general... He knew what was aesthetically symmetrical and classically attractive, but he never stopped and said ‘ _wow_ ’. 

Except for Andrew. 

How could he not? He’d thought his eyes were beautiful when he was only twelve years old.

“Staring.”

“Yes,” Neil replied, because he was and he wasn’t ashamed. “Does that bother you?”

Andrew chewed his lip ring and Neil knew he was trying to decide whether to answer seriously or not. He could say yes. He could call Neil an idiot. He could roll his eyes playfully. 

But he didn’t.

“No,” he said. “It doesn’t bother me.”

* * *

They met James at the house. They didn’t want to stay in Annapolis during the virus, or be away from the team and the studio for too long - especially not after what happened to Seth, so they were driving back the same night. 

Andrew parked in front of the house and looked to Neil. His eyes were focused on the front of the house where a swing hung from a tree. 

“Neil?”

He looked to Andrew, drawn and pale. Then, he took a quick, deep breath and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

The house looked more like a cabin. Dark wood paneling covered the outside, but it was big and ringed by trees so it’s view was obscured from the road. 

They stepped out of the car and Andrew laced his fingers through Neil’s as they made their way to the door. James stepped out before they got there, slicked back hair and white toothy smile in place. 

“Gentlemen!” he called cheerfully. “Right on time!”

Andrew nodded his greeting. He still fucking hated how smiley this guy was. 

“Thanks for meeting us,” Neil said.

“Of course, no problem!” he held out a hand, but then quickly took it away with an ‘oh!’. “Virus. Right. No hand shaking,” The smile still stayed. Andrew’s lip slightly curled. “Anyway! A bit outside of what I normally do, but I have some contacts in Baltimore, so it wasn’t too hard to find what I needed. You called at a good time too. I was just taking care of my mother in Delaware. Just a hop skip and a jump away!” They stared at him. “Right,” James nodded. “Ready to go in?”

They just nodded and followed after him, James diving into the details. “According to my sources, the house isn’t on the market. It’s still owned by this Phillip Hull person, but it’s been sitting empty for years. A colleague of mine had a key left over from the last time it was sold. I’ve been told I have to take their name to the grave, as we’re technically breaking and entering.” He gave them a conspiratorial wink. 

Andrew’s eye twitched with the need to be rolled.

“We won’t tell,” Neil said, offering a small smile. He was so much better at this than Andrew. 

“Much appreciated. Feel free to look around! I’ll wait in the front.”

James left them alone and Andrew waited for Neil to take the lead. They hadn’t talked about what it would mean if he _could_ confirm that this was the house. However, Andrew could already tell by the look on Neil’s face that they would have to have that talk. 

Neil stepped away, heading straight towards a room on the ground floor where they stood. The door was cracked and Neil slowly pushed it open. There was nothing in the room but a mattress on the floor underneath the window, covered by a thin blanket. Andrew watched Neil stop dead in the center of the room, staring at the bed. He was about to ask him if he was okay, but Neil slowly turned to the window and peered out. He stayed there quietly for a long time. Andrew walked up behind him and slowly slid a hand to his hip, keeping it there for what he hoped was comfort that he knew Neil needed. 

From the window, he could see directly into the front yard - the swing that slowly swung in the breeze. 

“I climbed out of this window,” Neil whispered, fingertips brushing the sill. “I used the mattress to climb up because I couldn’t reach the lock...” His brows furrowed, but his eyes remained open as he shook his head. “My mother told me to stay in this room, and I was angry about it. I just wanted to play... So I opened this window and climbed out, and I went to swing on that swing.”

Andrew turned his back to the window and stepped in front of him. “Neil.”

Neil met his eyes. “It’s connected,” he whispered and Andrew could see the fear swimming in his eyes - fear and pain and _guilt_. “Nathan and Steven-” He paused - lashes fluttered, “They’re connected. What if... What if I met him? As a kid? Oh my go-” Neil didn’t finish as he bowed his head and covered his face with his hands. 

“Stop,” Andrew hissed at him. “Neil. _Neil._ ”

Neil didn’t look up. He was shaking his head and Andrew put his hand on the back of his neck to squeeze. 

“This isn’t a bad thing,” Andrew told him, and Neil looked up then, disbelief on his face. 

“How can you say that?”

“This is just one more puzzle piece. One more bit of information to lead us to him, that’s all. This has nothing to do with _you_.” 

Neil shook his head again, and Andrew wrapped his free arm around his waist, pulling him in. Neil dropped his head to Andrew’s shoulder. 

“Don’t do this,” Andrew said into his ear. “We knew this was a possibility. We’re not responsible for the sins of our fathers, Neil.”

Andrew breathed deeply and evenly and let Neil follow his rhythm. 

-

Eventually, he calmed down enough to pull Andrew from the house. James was outside on the porch, his cell to his ear. He got off once he saw them. 

“Everything okay?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Andrew answered for both of them. He still had a death grip on Neil’s waist. “Thank you for this, it’s been really helpful.”

“Of course, of course! Tell Mr. Boyd I still have an amazing place up in the Adirondacks with his name on it.” He gave them a wink and Andrew gave him a blank stare. “Are you two staying in town? I’d love to take you out for a meal.”

_Ugh, no_

“No. We’re heading back now. A lot to do. Virus to not catch.”

“Of course, of course. Health and safety’s important. Oh! And - I was so sorry to hear about Seth Gordon, by the way. Saw it online somewhere or other. Will he be okay?”

“He’s fine,” Andrew grit out, hoping Seth hadn’t seen anything about it online. “Thanks again.”

“Anytime! Call me if I can help with anything else!”

* * *

Neil was quiet on the drive back. He kept turning it over and over again. What did it mean?

“Maybe it’s a coincidence,” he finally said. He’d been chewing his lip raw, and Andrew had been letting him do it. Neil knew he was letting him get his thoughts in order - letting him work it out. “I mean, there has to be more than one Phillip Hull in this country. There could be dozens in Annapolis. Don’t you think?”

He turned to look at Andrew, just making him out in the darkness of the car. They’d only stopped once for food, and were close to home now. 

“Do you really want to hear what I think?”

~~_No_. ~~

“Yes.”

Andrew sighed and reached over to squeeze Neil’s thigh once as if he could hear his thoughts, before putting his hand back on the wheel. “It’s too big of a coincidence for it to make sense. There’s a pattern to these houses on the east coast. They’re secluded, empty, not on the market. If we add Nathan into the equation, they’re all over his territory, with more than one not far from Baltimore. I don’t know what it means and I don’t know what Nathan had to do with Steven. But Neil… I’ve been doing this long enough to know to trust my gut. And my gut tells me this is connected, and this is how we’re going to find him.”

Neil let his head fall against the back of the seat. “I know.” His voice was rough - Wrong to his ears. “I know you’re right. I just really fucking hate it.”

* * *

The call came from Wymack the next morning. They were still in bed, snuggled around each other and fighting wakefulness. Andrew reluctantly opened his eyes when his phone rang. 

“What?”

 _‘Good morning, sunshine,_ ’ Wymack said, gruffly.

“We’re on our way, we’re not late, there was a wreck, we died.”

Neil snorted and Andrew laid his head on his back with the phone to his ear, closing his eyes again.

_‘I’m so glad, since I called to tell you not to come in.’_

“Excellent. Why?”

_‘They closed campus. Classes are going totally online for the time being and all the students have to scram. The studio is open since we have actual work to do, but I don’t want any of you here unless you have to be.’_

Andrew felt Neil sigh with a rise and fall of his back. “Does Seth know this? He’s going to be annoyed.”

_‘Good thing I don’t give a shit.’_

“Okay. We’ll keep doing what we’re doing from home.”

_‘I’ll call you if there’s an update.’_

Andrew hung up and tossed it on the bed. He turned to rub his face over Neil’s back and wrap an arm around his waist. 

“Your face is prickly,” Neil mumbled into the pillow.

“You don’t complain when it’s rubbing between your thighs.”

Neil hummed a little. “That’s because you’re doing other things to distract me.”

“We have the whole day to do _other things_ , you know. Wymack said they’ve closed campus. No one is going into the office for the time being.”

Neil turned over to face him, eyebrows creased with worry and face lined with pillow marks. His hair was a mess, but Andrew thought he looked freshly fucked, _and that’s his best look_ , and he still had crust in the corner of one eye, with lips sleep-chapped and slightly dry. Andrew leaned forward to kiss them. He couldn’t help it.

_He’s so fucking beautiful._

“What about the podcast?” Neil asked after he pulled back.

“I don’t know. We’ll worry about it this weeked. If nothing else we can always write something. Give an update that way.”

“Going back to your journalistic roots?”

“Something like that.” Andrew had to admit, it held a certain appeal. He was already framing it in his mind - what it would consist of and how it would read stylistically. 

Neil sat up and made to leave the bed, but Andrew tugged on his wrist. “Stay. Just for a minute.”

“We need to talk.”

Andrew loosened his grip and felt the loss as Neil’s hand slid out of his. He had just a moment of panic, of thinking that maybe Neil had finally come to his senses. He tamped it down just as quickly, but 

“Why do you have to say it like that,” he grumbled. “You couldn’t just say ‘hey let’s talk about xyz’?”

“Aw, babe... Afraid you’re getting dumped?”

Andrew didn’t answer, just rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling moodily. The bed shook a little as Neil climbed back on to straddle his lap. He leaned down and kissed Andrew’s lips, ear, neck. “Never,” he said quietly, and Andrew only just managed to hold back a shiver. Neil climbed off again, satisfied that he had Andrew ready for _other things_ , and headed for the bathroom. 

“I mean about this whole…” he stepped back out after washing his face and hands, waving one in front of him with that _stupid fucking forehead curl_ back and damp against his forehead, “Hatford thing. And the house. What it all means.”

“Ah. So just a few minor things.”

“Sure, we can chat about the weather as well, if you want.”

Andrew gave him a withering look. “Let’s start with the house. The sooner we figure this out the sooner we get Hailey back to her family.”

They moved downstairs to the couch and tried to talk themselves into a solution. 

“James said he got the key from a realtor friend. Maybe he can ask her for us if she knows anything about the house purchase. Obviously if a realtor had a key they went through a company during the sale. Maybe someone knows something.” Neil lay flat on his back on the floor. He did that sometimes when he was thinking. Andrew had no idea why. He looked down at him and smiled when King jumped onto his belly, making Neil let out an ‘ _oof’_.

“That’s a good idea. Let’s call him now, I don’t want to waste any time.”

Neil dislodged King from his stomach and joined Andrew on the couch. He put his phone on speaker and held it out in front of him. 

_‘Andrew!’_ James answered. _‘Good to hear from you so soon. What can I help you with?’_

“Neil is here with me. We were thinking maybe your realtor contact who got you the key from might have some more information on the person who owns the house. Do you think you could ask around for us?”

James got quiet for a minute. “James?” Neil said.

_‘I’m here, I’m here. I’m sorry, I’m just trying to think here. She took a big risk getting me that key. I’d feel terrible if she got into any more trouble on my behalf.’_

“We understand,” Neil said, which was nice of him because Andrew kind of didn’t care if anyone got in trouble. This was more important. “But do you know why we need the information? What we’re looking for?”

_‘Oh, yeah. I was curious when we first met, so I looked into you. I really admire the work you’re doing. Do you think you’ll actually find him?’_

“Yes,” Andrew said. Absolute. He was fucking sure of it, because he _had_ to be. “But we need help to do it.”

James sighed through the phone. _‘Guilt me into it, why don’t you? Fine, I’ll ask around, but no promises.’_

They hung up with James and Andrew pulled his laptop in his lap from where it was sitting on the coffee table. “I’ll shoot an email to the team to update them on everything. Let them know we’re looking deeper into the house.”

“Are you going to tell them? About the connection to Nathan?” Neil chewed on his lip as he looked at Andrew, anxiety obvious. Andrew reached up and pulled it gently from between his teeth with his thumb, like he always did. 

“Do you want me to?”

Neil considered it, running an idle hand over Andrew’s leg. “Not yet. I’ll tell them when it’s time but... just not yet.”

Andrew nodded and set the laptop aside once he was finished. He leaned back on the arm of the couch and pushed his glasses up on his head so he could throw an uncovered arm over his eyes.

“Is this you avoiding the other thing?” Neil asked.

“Yes. Maybe if I can’t see you while you’re saying it I won’t have to talk about it.”

Andrew let out a groan as Neil threw himself on top of him, wrapping his arms around his waist and laying his head on his chest. 

“You’re not a cat Neil, what the fuck?” 

Neil just squeezed him tighter. “Now you can’t escape,” he mumbled, then sighed. “Listen, I know it’s fucked up and I hate it, and I don’t want to have to do it, but I feel like I don’t have a choice.”

Andrew plunged a hand in his hair and pulled just enough to get Neil to look up at him. “You always have a choice. The last fucking thing I want is for you to do something, simply because you feel backed into a corner. That’s _never_ okay, and I _never_ want that for you.”

Neil dropped his head back to Andrew’s chest and sighed. “I know. But just think about it, would you? If I put my name in with the Hatfords, Ichirou would have to take us seriously. If he thinks he’s starting a war between the families, would he risk it? He’s been head of this empire for like... no time at all compared to his father. Something like that could destabilize whatever he’s built since he’d been in charge.”

Andrew took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Neil’s hair. “And if he’s willing to risk it? If it just pisses him off and he ends up killing you?”

“Then I guess I’ll be dead.”

~~_Then I guess I’ll be dead._ ~~

Bee threatened to buzz. Andrew shut her out. Instead, he sat up and pushed Neil off of him and said, “That’s not fucking funny. I’m serious, Neil. Remember when you told me to stand down? Not fucking happening. They come for you, they come for me, and then what?”

It was unthinkable... Andrew’s had a lot of unthinkable things done to him, but this? Something so fucking devastating...?

He’d never recover. He’d never get over it. He’d end up doing something reckless and get himself killed because that’s just how he fucking was. All or nothing and what would anything even matter if someone had ripped part of his fucking soul away?

“I’m sorry, bad joke,” Neil mumbled, rubbing his eyes and dropping his hands into his lap. “I don’t know what’s going to happen... But I feel like either way we’re in danger. But if we continue like we are, they’re never going to stop. We’ll have to look over our shoulder our entire lives. I’ve done that, Drew. I’ve lived that life and I don’t want to go back. I just want to be with you and…”

He trailed off, searching for words. 

Above the soft buzz tickling at the back of his head, Andrew murmured, “Be boring?” because hadn’t he just been thinking the same thing?

“Yes! Exactly! I just want to go to work and then come home, and make dinner and fight over dumb shit like using the cake mixing bowl for my fruit, and just fucking _live_ , Andrew. I’ve had enough adventure and not once did I feel like I was living. Not until I came here and stayed still - stayed in one place long enough to be with you. To fall in love with you.”

_To fall in love with you._

_To fall in love with you._

_To fall in love with you._

Andrew tightened his grip on his leg and tried as hard as he could not to crawl into himself in an effort to harbor those words - keep them close and safe and secure. _To fall in love with you._

Instead, he huffed, “You can’t just say shit like that. Jesus,” then rolled his eyes, all the while feeling immensely horrified and pleased at the same time. 

“I can and I did. Deal with it Minyard.”

_To fall in love with you._

“Whatever,” Andrew mumbled. Then, “It sounds like you’ve made up your mind, then.”

Neil shook his head. “I want us to make this decision _together_. It could potentially get the Moriyama’s off our backs, but I’m not sure what it would mean on the other side. What would be expected of me.”

“Expected of you.” 

Neil just swallowed hard, and Andrew had to beat down the surge of anger. He wanted to lash out, and Neil was the closest conduit for that anger. So, instead he stood and headed for the stairs. “I’m going to take a shower.”

* * *

Neil watched Andrew walk up the stairs and leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes. He knew he had to navigate this carefully. He didn’t want Andrew to think he was going to abandon him for the Hatfords - fuck knew he’d had enough of that in his life. 

Neil felt the familiar mixture of anger and disbelief that planted itself in his chest whenever he thought about Andrew’s mother abandoning him. His father abandoning him. A system that was built to _help_ children abandoning him. 

Neil wouldn’t. They’d have to kill him first. 

Which he guessed is what Andrew was worried about. 

-

They didn’t hear back from James until the next day. 

_‘She couldn’t tell me anything. She had the key left over since their office handled the sale, so it was filed in a box somewhere. But she couldn’t give me any other information.’_

It was frustrating. Andrew and Neil spent the day trying to figure something else out, until it seemed like there was only one answer. 

~~_Don’t do it, Nathaniel._ ~~

He ignored that voice. 

“I need to talk to Romero.”

Andrew’s eyes shot up at him, brows drawn. “Romero?! Why?”

Neil shrugged. “Maybe he knows something... Knows who Phillip Hull is - how he’s connected to my father.”

“And you think he’d tell you?” Andrew shook his head. “No. No, I don’t know. That makes me nervous. He’s going to fuck with your head, Neil. Lola was fucking insane, what are the chances he’s not?”

Neil gave a humorless laugh. “He’s definitely insane. I just don’t know what else to do. We still need to contact Agent Walker, anyway. To talk about the whole Moriyama having child slaves thing.”

“We’ll do that today,” Andrew said distractedly, looking at his computer. He’d been googling every random assortment of ‘Phillip Hull’ and ‘Newark’ or ‘home sale’ or ‘Annapolis’ with very little result. 

Until ten minutes later when

“Holy shit,” Andrew whispered.

“What?” Neil sidled next to him and looked over his shoulder. After PSU closed their campus, even though TFN was technically open, they decided that there was no reason to unnecessarily risk themselves. Instead, they’d dragged another chair into the office/spare room in their townhouse and set up shop there. Both laptops open on the desk, Neil focused on Andrew’s. 

“Look.” Andrew googled ‘Phillip Hull realtor’ and some old Zillow listings had popped up. They were all in the same east coast zone where the houses had been, and they all listed Phillip Hull as the realtor. 

“He’s a fucking real estate agent,” Andrew said. 

Neil’s heart sped. 

“Oh, fuck... So, what do we do with this?”

Andrew leaned back, still staring at the computer and rubbed his cheek. The stubble made a scratching noise against his hand. “We find these properties he’s listed on and look into them? Maybe we can contact owners or something who can give us info on him.”

And that’s how they spent their day. On different sides, they split up the work and combed every real estate website they could think of - looking for mention of Phillip Hull. A lot of the properties they found seemed to be high priced real estate, mansions or apartments or offices. 

Lost in a click hole, hours passed. They found what properties they could, then searched them on appraiser websites, and googled the owners - over and over again, not even sure what they were even looking for until -

_Until they found it._

One of the properties listed under Phillip Hull, was an office building in New York. It was huge, with luxury offices and a penthouse suite on the top floor. 

It was owned by a company called Blackbird Properties. 

Of course, they didn’t immediately make any sort of connection. That is, until they searched the business name on the New York Department of State website. 

And there it was. 

Blackbird Industries - Chief Executive Officer listed as one Reo Sato.

Esquire.

Neil didn’t understand. Not at first. He wasn’t there, you see - when the Cease and Desist was first sent to Wymack and Andrew. But Andrew never forgot anything, and he immediately knew when he saw the name of the Moriyama’s lawyer, that this was the thread. 

And he knew that if they followed that thread, carefully and quickly, that they’d find something on the other end that would benefit them in more ways than one. 

* * *

“I’m ready.”

Andrew watched Neil faced Stuart, back straight and voice firm. 

They sat on the couch in their townhouse. Stuart faced them in the comfy leather recliner that Andrew and Neil liked to curl up in together, it was that big. 

_Or maybe we’re just that small_. 

Either way.

After a promise from Stuart that he’d been doing absolutely nothing but laying low in the house he’d rented here in Palmetto, having people only bring him food and supplies, they’d asked him to come over. 

“You’re sure about this?” he asked his nephew. “Believe me, I’m thrilled, but I need to know you’re serious. You can’t take this back.”

Andrew put a hand on Neil’s arm before he could speak again. “What does this mean? If he does this? What does it entail?”

“Are you asking if he’s going to have to start murdering people in the name of the family?”

_Buzz_

“More or less.”

Stuart snorted, but Neil stiffened. “I don’t know what it is you imagine us doing. We’re not like the Wesninskis,” he looked between the two of them, but focused on Neil. “Nor the Moriyamas - to which we are only alike in structure. We’re a powerful family, with connections in high places. Most of what we do is money laundering, to be completely transparent here. We help businesses hide their assets and get a cut in the process. Of course... We do dabble in politics here and there - making sure certain people are deemed electable by the public.”

“Jesus christ,” Andrew muttered. “Of course, because nothing in politics is real.”

“Yes well,” Stuart sighed. “We deal in the UK, but no - none of it is real in the way they want you to think. If there’s a scandal, we cover it up. If there’s... _trade_ needed to be done, we make sure it gets to the right people. And sometimes, we dip into dark corners if need be. _But,_ to put it in terms you may better understand, we’re like the backdoor of the internet, if you will. And in return, we’re paid obscene amounts of money and favors.” Stuart crossed one knee over the other, looking at home in that chair, yet so out of place in their space. 

“Right...” Neil nodded, a single brow raising. “So then what’s the difference? Between you and the Moriyamas?” Neil asked. A perfectly good question in Andrew’s opinion, because from here, they basically seemed like the same thing.

“Good British manners and afternoon tea.”

“Stuart,” Neil said seriously. “I need to know this shit if I’m throwing my hat in.”

“I’m a bit serious though, you know. They’re very… disordered,” he said with obvious distaste.

“Are they?” Andrew asked, chin pulled back and utterly disbelieving. “The Yakuza is one of the most organized groups in the entire world. Besides the US government,” he added, considering. “They seem pretty fucking ordered, what with basically owning _the_ _media_ in this country.”

“Mm,” Stuart hummed. “That’s the problem, see? The _Yakuza_ are ordered. The four main families, at least. But ever since the Moriyamas began reaching away from Japan and into foreign enterprise, they’ve become _greedy_. We, the Hatfords, deal with the actual structure of our country. There are a few organizations like ours, us being the biggest, of course, and if we didn’t exist, the entirety of the UK - and the Republic of Ireland, might I add - would falter,” Stuart scoffed. “But they? The Moriyamas? They came here intent on nothing but money and power. It will be their downfall, mark my words. Especially if the Italians and Russians here ever decide to stage a coup.”

Andrew’s head was swimming. Bee was either buzzing or that was just the pure overload of information bouncing around his head. 

“You think they’re that easily defeated?” Neil asked, leaning forward on his knees and pulling Andrew back to reality to actually listen. He looked to Neil, only to find him looking at Stuart like he was fucking crazy. “Why has nobody done it before now, then?”

“No, don’t misunderstand,” Stuart corrected, tone lowering with the weight of what he was saying. “A war with the Moriyamas and therefore, the _Yakuza,_ is not something to look at lightly. In fact, I’d like to avoid it at all costs. All I am saying, Neil, is that if you present yourself as a member of this family _and_ organization, Ichirou would be wise to pause and consider his course of action. Our reach from the outside may look small, but our family does not forget where we came from -” India. Andrew assumed he could only be talking about English colonization. “Who’s backs we rode and climbed to get where we are. How we played the system and clawed to respect by exploiting exactly what brought us here. We may help English power, but we can just as easily tear it down. They know that. So do the Yakuza.”

“And if Ichirou doesn't?” Andrew asked, looking between Neil and Stuart. 

“Then he’ll get to lie in bed he made for himself.”

~~_Buzz buzz buzz_ ~~

_Neil -_

“And Neil’s place in this? What does this mean for him?” Andrew asked before Neil could speak. Neil just took his hand.

“It means he’s under our protection.”

Neil raised a brow. “That’s it?”

“Did you expect I’d drag you back to London and put you to work?” Stuart’s brows shot up and he barked a laugh, “No offense, but you got your mouth from your mother and you’d be dead within a week. No, I just need you to formally recognize the family. You’re blood, _Abram_. That’s all I need.”

_Abram_

“And Andrew?”

Bee shocked him behind the ear, burning hot and quick as he quickly started, “I don’t need-”

“Shut up.” Neil looked back to Stuart. “And Andrew? Will he be protected?”

“Is he yours?” Stuart asked seriously. 

Neil looked confused before responding, “Is he-”

“Yours,” Stuart asked again, slowly. “It would help, of course, if you were to be married. Andrew would be officially recognized as your spouse.”

_Andrew would be officially recognized as your spouse -_

_What_

_The_

_Fuck_

Andrew could feel his eyes go wide and his face felt just as hot as his tattoo burning behind his ear. He started to sputter, to say _something_ , but Neil just fucking laughed and he turned to see him cracking up over the expression that had to be all over Andrew’s face. 

“Yeah, that’s not a thing that’s happening Stuart,” Neil breathed, looking back to his uncle.

Stuart held up his hands. “Fine, fine. Trust me, I’m not pushing it on you. If you claim Hatford protection for him, it’ll be given. _Only_ because you are directly descended. We don’t give this protection to everyone,” He looked to Andrew, as if telling him to fucking appreciate it, or feel lucky, or special, or _whatever_. “And,” he continued, turning his eyes back to Neil, “Just keep in mind he’s an outsider, so that comes with a need for discretion.”

“I won’t read your diary, I promise,” Andrew flung at him, leaning back into the couch and crossing his arms. 

He was ready for this conversation to be over. 

“Fine,” Neil said, more confidently than Andrew felt. “All of that is fine. Now I need a favor.”

“You’ve been calling in favors this entire time,” Stuart said, exasperated but fond. “What now?”

“I want a face to face with Ichirou.”

* * *

Dressed smartly in all black, Neil and Andrew heard from Agent Walker as they finally boarded the private jet taking them to New York, after the sanitation team was finished. Andrew handed his phone to Neil - giving him the choice to have the conversation privately, and Neil appreciated it. 

He still put it on speaker.

 _‘Mr... Josten?’_ Walker said, sounding unsure. 

“Yes,” Neil said into the phone, finding a seat at the back of the plane with Andrew sitting down next to him. Stuart was still talking to the single attendant outside, probably bitching about how the masks he’d somehow secured hadn’t arrived yet, and to confirm that everything had been done properly, to ensure they, _he_ , didn’t get sick. “I have some information and a favor.”

_‘Neither of which I’m inclined to give to you. How did you even find my contact information? I was demoted, you know. After trying to look into… things.’_

“Not surprising,” Andrew muttered. 

“I’ve made some contacts since we last spoke.” Understatement. What he could’ve said was ‘ _I’ve finally recognized my mother’s crime family and as such, I’ve been given access to things no regular person should have access to._ ’

 _‘I don’t want to know,’_ Walker said bitterly. 

“I’m not going to tell you. Listen, you’re the only person we’ve come in contact with who actually gives a shit about what the Moriyamas are doing.”

_‘And a lot of good it did me. Look, thanks for the call, but-’_

“The Moriyamas are trafficking children. They have a contact in the FBI that helps them forge papers to make it look legit.”

Silence. 

“Walker?”

_‘I’m here. I’m - fuck. What am I supposed to do with that information?’_

“How the fuck should I know?” Neil asked impatiently. “You’re the FBI Agent. I know there’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m passing it over to you. They take children as payments of debts people owe them. They train them for exy or murder or whatever the fuck else they do there. Take that information and do something with it.”

_‘What’s the name of the FBI Agent helping them?’_

Neil told him and Walker gave a deep sigh. _‘I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise anything. As soon as a higher up got wind that I was trying to take them down, I was demoted and given a dressing down.’_

“Fine. Now, I need a favor.”

_‘Which is?’_

“I want to talk to Romero.”

_‘Oh. Is that all? Well why didn’t you just say so? Should be easy enough.’_

Neil’s shoulders loosened just a bit. He really thought he’d have to fight on this... “Really?”

 _‘No! Not really,’_ Agent Walker scoffed, _‘Are you insane? You want me to get you a meeting with one of America’s most wanted who currently resides in a maximum security federal prison? Yeah, sure no problem.’_

Neil scowled at his phone and let out a breath when Andrew put a hand on the back of his neck. “I liked you better when you were do-gooder law enforcement guy.”

_‘That guy had too much faith in the system.’_

Neil bit his lip. “Fuck the system. It hasn’t done anything for me but protect my murdering father. Don’t even get me started on what it did to my partner. I’d rip it apart just for that if I could. So _fuck_ the system, Walker, and help me get this. We’re looking for a girl who’s been kidnapped and we have a lead, but I think Romero can point us in the right direction. You’d be helping save a child.”

 _‘I’ll lose my job if they know what I’m doing,’_ Walker bit out.

“And what a loss that would be,” Neil said sarcastically.

Walker huffed into the phone. _‘Fine. I’ll see what I can do, but don’t hold your breath.’_

“I never do.” Neil hung up the phone and turned to Andrew. “That went better than I expected.”

“You’re hot when you’re in get shit done mode.”

Neil smiled slowly. “Oh yeah? I’m not hot the rest of the time?”

Andrew leaned forward to kiss Neil’s neck and Neil thought this most certainly goes against the CDC’s Covid-19 personal safety guide. 

“Not always,” Andrew continued, low in his throat. And then before Neil could let the disappointment sink in, “sometimes you’re sexy.” Another kiss. Andrew’s hand moved on Neil’s thigh. “Sometimes you’re beautiful.” His hand slid higher, and Neil’s eyes fluttered shut. “Sometimes you’re just so irrevocably _mine_ , it’s hard to remember to check myself when we’re in public.” His hand moved again, so close to the spot Neil wanted him and -

And right before their lips met, Neil murmured, “So, don’t check yourself.” Andrew’s lips pressed against his. The kiss was rough and Neil’s hands reached up to tangle in Andrew’s hair. But right as Andrew’s hand finally reached its destination, they were interrupted by a throat clearing. 

Neil ripped himself away from Andrew, breathing roughly, to see Stuart standing near the front of the plane. 

“6 feet apart. And,” He shook his head, eyes squinted, “At least wait until I’m asleep with earphones in, hmm?”

Neil rolled his eyes, but it took a lot of deep breathing and ignoring knowing smirks from Andrew to get himself calmed down. 

They settled in as the plane prepared to take off, and Neil idly thought about how he’d been on more private planes since he’d met Andrew than he had any right to be on. 

“So what’s your plan?” Andrew finally asked as they lifted into the air. Neil slid his hand along his arm, then settled as their palms pressed together. 

“Hmmm?” he hummed, leaning back in his seat and traced his thumb along Andrew’s skin in slow circles to try and relax him from the climb into the air. 

“For Ichirou. What’s Stuart going to say to make sure this works in our favor?”

Neil turned his head on the seat to look at Andrew, his _partner_. He opened his eyes and gave him a lazy smile. “It’s a surprise.”

* * *

Andrew really hated surprises. 

He didn’t say that to Neil though. He’d just kissed that grin off his face and tried to relax on the plane. It was always easier when Neil was next to him, distracting him and annoying him on purpose. But the extra underlying anxiety of what they were about to do never really left his gut.

When they landed in New York, they were ushered immediately to a waiting car (that they were assured had been deep cleaned and sanitized, as per Stuarts demands) and driven directly to a building in New York that looked an awful lot like some of the ones Phillip Hull had been listed as a realtor on. It wasn’t terribly big - mostly a nondescript brick building in a nondescript corner of Hells Kitchen. If Andrew had to guess, there was probably an apartment at the top.

They were met at the door by a Japanese man wearing a N-95 face mask and latex gloves. When they stepped inside, Andrew could see every single person wore the same. If they weren’t in what Stuart probably considered ‘enemy territory’, Neil’s uncle would probably be bitching about how they’d gotten them and he hadn’t. 

_Anyway._

They were led to an elevator and got off on a floor with long hallways covered in a shiny wood floor, with doors on either side. The one they were led to opened into a large conference room with a long mahogany table stretching from one end to the other. There were only two chairs on opposite ends, and Andrew assumed that meant he and Neil would be left standing around uncomfortably, while Stuart did whatever it was he was going to do. 

The door was shut behind them without a word, and Neil and Andrew looked at each other. 

No one sat.

No one spoke. 

The only communication that was passed, was a quick squeeze to Andrew’s hand from Neil, and a reassuring smile. 

This meeting could either go very well, or very, very bad. Andrew wasn’t sure which. 

The door was opened again by one of the five men that flanked Ichirou as he walked in. All of them - bodyguards, Andrew realized - wore the same black suit, mask, and gloves. One of them wiped down the tale and chair set for Ichirou, before he gingerly sat down. 

Ichirou himself wore no mask, no gloves. He didn’t need to, since everyone else was. 

_What a total fucking germaphobe_. Andrew never would’ve guessed. But he assumed a global pandemic really brings that out in people.

_Anyway._

Dressed casually today, Ichirou wore a large sweater and what Andrew swore were skinny jeans. His hair was swept up into a ponytail that nearly reached his waist, bits of it falling carelessly into his face. He looked so young like this, and Andrew realized they really weren’t that far in age. Riko was only two years older than him, and Ichirou was only a year older than that. 

“Gentlemen,” Ichirou said, sounding tired. “Now that you’ve harassed me into a meeting, take a seat and let’s get this started.” He gestured to the other end of the table indicating the empty chair.

They moved, and to Andrew’s surprise, Neil was the one who took the seat at the head of the opposite end of the table. Stuart positioned himself to stand at Neil’s right, whereas Andrew naturally fell to his left. Andrew caught Neil’s eye to silently ask _what the fuck_ , but Neil only gave him a wink. 

“Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice,” Neil said. His voice firm and confident. He leaned back in his seat, totally at ease.

“I’m only here, Mr. Wesninski, because tradition dictates I do so when requested by the head of one of The Families. I suggest you make your intentions clear and quickly. My hospitality only goes so far.” He waved a hand and one of the four men flanking him behind his chair pulled a tea cart over. Ichirou made his own, then waved another hand at the other set. One of the bodyguards picked up the cup and saucer and set it unceremoniously in front of Neil with a latex gloved hand. 

Andrew and Stuart were offered nothing. 

Didn’t matter though. Andrew was wholly distracted by the name _‘Wesninski’_. He clenched his jaw, while Neil only gave Ichirou a small smile, ignoring the tea. 

“My name is Josten.”

“Are you asking me to call you that instead of your given name?”

“No,” Neil said, smile turning sharp as a knife. “I’m telling you.”

 _Oh god_.

Andrew suppressed the shiver threatening his spine and covered his mouth with his hand.

Ichirou’s face remained impassive. “I’ll remind you that you’re in _my_ house, and you are not the person I should be having this meeting with.” His eyes moved to Stuart, who was busy studying the chandelier above their heads.

He looked to Ichirou when the room went quiet. “Me? I’m afraid my nephew here is the one in charge of this meeting, as it directly involves him and his partner. I just set things in motion for him.”

So this was how they were playing it? Andrew was equal parts terrified and thrilled. They might not leave this building - Neil might say the wrong thing and Ichirou might decide none of them are worth the trouble. But…

Andrew couldn’t wait to see what Neil did with that mouth.

“You are representative of the Hatford family, now? My, my. Your ambition is impressive. Seems I underestimated you.” Ichirou took a slow sip of tea, eyes lighting on Neil. Andrew didn’t like it one bit. He may seem younger and less threatening in this environment, but this was the man who had held a gun on both of them - the man who had broken into their home and threatened everything Andrew loved.

_Loved._

“For this, yes. I’m part of the Hatford family, and this situation directly involves me.”

“Then speak,” Ichirou said impatiently.

“Leash your brother. We’re done playing his games. He tried to kill someone close to us in a very public setting, and it’s a courtesy to you that we haven’t publicly declared him responsible.” Neil had leaned forward, arms on the table and hands laced. 

Ichirou raised a brow. “A courtesy? How interesting. Tell me, where was your courtesy when your _partner_ ,” he said the word like it was a joke, “declared EA Productions should apologize for offending people who are too weak to deal with their issues themselves?”

Andrew clenched his jaw and made to step forward - toward what? He didn’t know. But Neil stopped him by speaking and gesturing toward him with a hand. It was nothing anyone else would notice, but Andrew saw it, and heeded the warning. 

“Whatever your archaic beliefs on mental illness or therapy, I find it hard to believe anything Andrew may have said would have an impact on your business. But I’m certain that all the things Riko said on that show are the reason the new documentary tanked at the box office. He’s costing you money and clout, Lord Moriyama. How long will you let it go on before you handle this?”

Ichirou was silent for a moment. Neil leaned back in his chair, taking his tea with him and sipping. “Ah, Darjeeling. My favorite.”

Andrew almost choked trying not to laugh.

Ichirou set his cup down. “I will deal with Riko. Who knows, maybe this virus will have tragic consequences. I’ll check my schedule. Is that all?”

“No, actually. We’re done playing your game. We don’t owe you anything. We’re not indebted to you and there’s no reason for you to threaten us. We’ve played by your rules this long, and now we’re done. Call off your dogs, or prepare to be bitten by mine.”

_Prepare to be bitten by mine?_

“Is that a threat?”

_Yes._

“It’s a fucking promise.” Neil said, voice low, threatening, warm and smooth and - “I have the might of the Hatford family behind me, and I’m prepared to use what resources I need to make sure me and mine are safe." And then, "Back the fuck off, Ichirou.”

Andrew did actually shiver that time because _what the fuck_... He laced his hands in front of him and surreptitiously arranged the jacket he was wearing to fall more heavily in front of him. This was just... such an awkward time to be so turned on.

“Watch your tone, _Hatford_. You’re in my territory and I could make sure none of you walk out of this building.”

“You could,” Stuart added casually. “But do you really think no one knows where we are? The family knows we’re here and when we are expected to leave, and if they don’t hear from us, where do you think they’re going to go looking first?”

“Why should I listen to anything you say?” Ichirou crossed his arms, and it was the first time Andrew had seen him as anything other than unbothered.

“Phillip Hull.”

“Excuse me?” Ichirou put on a confused air, but Andrew thought maybe that was just a bit of nervous recognition in his eyes. 

“Let’s not pretend here, _Moriyama_. I don’t believe either of us has the time or patience. We’re looking for a very sick man who likes to rape and kill little girls, and he’s worked as a realtor named Phillip Hull. We were able to trace some of his properties back to you. Or did you know who we were looking for this whole time?”

Ichirou pressed his lips together before responding. “I know of this man only in name. He dealt with my father and helped him acquire a number of buildings in the city. I’ve never dealt with him personally and I would have no way of contacting him.”

“That so?” Neil asked casually, as if they were discussing the weather. 

“Yes, that’s so. I can’t help you.”

“Pity.” Neil inhaled a short breath and tilted his head, “Well, how about this. You keep your ears open, maybe dig a little and see what you can find for us. Should keep you distracted from threatening us and people close to us. In return, we’ll keep this information to ourselves and won’t set the FBI on you for your connection to a serial child killer.”

Ichirou laughed, tilting his head back so the white column of his throat was bared to them. “You think we don’t have the FBI in our pocket?”

Neil crossed his legs, one wrist dangling off the arm of the chair. The picture of complete ease. A man unworried about what lay ahead. “Oh, I know you do. _Most_ of the FBI, anyway. Believe it or not there’s an agent or two out there who have a specific interest in seeing you fail. We’ve been in contact.”

Ichirou stood suddenly. The teacup was swept from the table, clattering and shattering on the shiny wooden floor. Andrew pursed his lips and raised a brow as Ichirou faced them. “We have an understanding. Do not linger in this city.” An open threat that hung in the air as he left the room in a flurry of open doors and lackies following.

A man stayed behind, holding the door open and watching them expectantly. Andrew and Stuart both stayed still, waiting for Neil to move. He took one more long sip of his tea and rose slowly, walking out of the room with his shoulders back and his chin up, black ensemble hugging his sharp angles and making him look every bit the threat that he posed in that room.

It was _everything_.

Andrew tamped himself down, keeping his own back straight as they were quickly swept from the building, ushered into the waiting car, and taken directly to the airport. They didn’t speak, aware that the driver would report back anything that was said. 

“You two go ahead and board,” Stuart said, typing on his phone. “I have some calls to make and I’ll find us some food.”

Andrew and Neil just nodded, and walked up the steps to the plane together. 

As soon as they cleared the landing, they moved as one - crashing together in a wave of lips and teeth and hands. Andrew couldn’t help himself. He pulled Neil down the aisle, bumping into the luxurious seats as he made his way to the back of the plane and into the tiny bathroom, then pushed him against the door once it shut. 

“So fucking sexy,” Andrew said into Neil’s neck, hands on the button of his pants and fumbling urgently. 

“Yeah?” Neil breathed. “How was that for take charge?”

Andrew didn’t respond. He pushed Neil’s pants down where he needed them and dropped to his knees. He didn’t waste time. He took Neil hard and rough and moaned around him when Neil swept his long hair up in both his hands, pulling gently and guiding his head how he wanted it. It was over quickly, Andrew having spilled himself all over the floor and Neil having spilled himself into Andrew’s mouth, and both of them were left panting heavily. 

Andrew stood shakily, pressing his forehead to Neil’s and laughing around a kiss. 

“Next time I’ll tell Ichirou to go fuck himself. See what I get out of that.” 

“Don’t you dare.”

They cleaned themselves and the bathroom up as best they could and opened the door to take their seats on the plane. Stuart bounded up the steps and opened his mouth to say something, as he rubbed a sanitizing wipe between his hands, but took one look at them and rolled his eyes. 

“You two are ridiculous. You should get married just so you can get to the sexless part of your relationship. Good lord.”

“Not happening, Stuart,” Neil said, but it came out amused and soft and they collapsed together in the back of the plane, lacing fingers together. 

“Do you think it’ll work?” Neil asked later quietly - the first hint of trepidation Andrew had seen. 

“Yeah,” he said. Even though he wasn’t sure. “Yeah, I think it’ll work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH OKAY THE END WAS SO MUCH FUN. We literally see it so clearly and I'm so fucking excited to paint it. So *eyes emoji* keep an eye out...
> 
> Okay, now more importantly than this chapter, than really anything right now, is what we've brought up over and over in this chapter. Covid-19. I know we talked about it in the BTP chapter we posted last week, but we really should say something again. Jeni and I hope everyone is staying safe, healthy, and practicing proper precautions in order to keep OTHERS safe and healthy as well. We're living in a really fucking scary time now and personal responsibility is super fucking important. So PLEASE. STAY. HOME. If you don't have to, don't go out. Think of the others around you, and those that are around THEM and so on. I'm from New York and watching the numbers climb by the hundreds every single day is absolutely horrifying and I beg all of you to please, PLEASE be safe and think of others. Its so unbelievably important right now.  
> And with that, it also means stay healthy mentally, as well. If you need a mental break from all the shit happening in the real world, dont hesitate to hop on our tumblr and ask questions. We'll have the team active to talk and distract if yall need. Maybe well put out some recs to help keep everyone busy and their minds active as we stay home, yeah?
> 
> Anyway, we really hope you all enjoyed this chapter. We're really fucking excited for what we have in store for yall and what comes next, so stay tuned! As always, we appreciate every single one of you. Thank you so much for the love. Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Keep up with us on our socials!!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> Stay safe, stay healthy, keep searching <3


	10. Ghosts - Andrew's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It's you and me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the long awaited chapter, but instead something Jeni wrote after I went to her in an absolute frenzy, trying to explain an obscure idea. This, is not that idea (I cant even remember what it was), but the next day Jeni came to me with this and it took my breath away. We hope it does the same for all of you <3 It's also based off an ask Neil got on the [RR Tumblr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> , which you can read [here!](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/615221028544757760/neil-what-would-you-have-done-if-you-were-still)  
> Also, while planning for something else, I was trying to find a part of season 1 and it's date. What's when I realized that today is our 1 year anniversary. Holy. Hell. We have something to say in the endnotes, but for now thank you all so fucking much for sticking with us for this long. It means the absolute fucking world and we think this is the perfect piece to signify one year - both for us and for the boys. 
> 
> [Here](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/615517070923366400/today-marks-one-year-since-the-first-episode-of%20rel=)  
> is the painting that accompanies it!

Honestly, this was the ideal situation for Abram.

He was hiding from monsters, you see. From the Big Bads that would see him hurt.

See him suffer.

See him dead.

So, Abram was always very careful. He hid himself well, walking the earth like a wraith. Ghostlike, never staying in one place, never truly touching anyone. 

Did he really exist at all?

Perhaps not. But Abram was fine with that. Prided himself on it, even.

Untouchable, he told himself.

Unfindable. 

“I am a ghost,” he would say, “and a ghost I will stay.”

But now? Now the earth was struck with an affliction that none saw coming. Now, she was abandoned. Humanity slunk back into their hovels and holes to avoid the plague. If they left, they did so wearing masks in an attempt to shield themselves - to shield each other from the wasting. 

Abram walked the city freely. He didn’t have to look over his shoulder, because he’d be able to hear anyone coming. If he thought hard enough about it, he would remember how he was painfully exposed. Out in the open.

But so were the monsters. Their claws would _click, click, click_ on the pavement and their breaths would _huff, huff, huff_ in the quiet and Abram would _run, run, run_ to safety with plenty of warning. 

Would they know it was him, with this mask covering half his face?

Perhaps. But the fact remained that he felt a freedom under his swift feet that he hadn’t felt ever before. They were taking him somewhere new today.

He heard a whisper, you see, in his mind. It was deep and resonate, and it told him of a place where one could live, without ever having to face the living.

He thought maybe it was another ghost speaking in his head, and he did not question it.

* * *

Joey was running, too. But his monsters lived inside, taking root in his heart and branching up to his brain.

Once, they hadn't. Once, they were in his closet and under his bed and sometimes, they were even beneath his sheets. Suffocating - just to see him break.

And he did. He broke. 

Over and

over and

over again

So, now he was running. But his monsters lived inside. He survived on a diet of distrust and anger - of hate and vitriol so thick, it consumed. But it also fed Joey. It kept his feet moving, kept them going. 

And when he ran, the monsters were easier to ignore. They still caught up to him, sometimes, dripping poison into his head. He thought maybe he would die from it one day. He thought maybe the poison ate holes in his mind and his heart where the roots were, and one day, he would just cease to be. 

Or maybe the waste would get him first. He liked the lack of people. He liked that he didn’t have to talk to anyone. He didn’t think he’d mind it so much if he got sick.

No one else would mind either. 

His feet were taking him somewhere open today. There was a whisper in his head, and it was different from the monsters. It spoke softly and it skipped around the poison, soothing where it touched. 

Or maybe it was the poison after all. Singing sweet words of belonging. He’d never belonged anywhere. To anyone. 

He didn’t think that would change. But he was going to try anyway.

* * *

When Abram reached the place where the whispers led, he dropped his bag on the dusty ground. He looked out over the canyons, red and orange and reaching until Abram thought they must go on forever. 

He looked around, walking where he could and observing where he couldn’t. 

His eyes were very blue, and they usually saw so many things -

But this day, they saw nothing. Nothing but the ravines and valleys. Nothing but the dust. 

A place where you could live without the living. 

He sat on the ground, not minding the dirt. There was no one here to care, after all. He _could_ live here he supposed. He didn’t know what he was expecting. He sometimes thought if he died, if the sickness or the monsters got him, no one would care. No one would notice. There wouldn’t even be a name to mark his grave.

“Abram,” he said to himself quietly. “My name is Abram.”

The canyon did not answer. 

“Abram,” he said again louder. “ABRAM,” he yelled, just to hear the echo. A mirage of company. “MY NAME IS ABRAM.”

“My name is Joey.”

Abram spun around to see another boy standing there - mask in place and eyes amused. He replaced his own mask, having pulled it down to yell, and they stared at each other for a moment. 

“Are you a monster?” he finally asked. 

Joey shook his head and shrugged like he wasn’t sure. “I am no more a monster than you, I suppose."

Abram nodded. He turned back around to face the canyon, and he was relieved when Joey sat beside him. 

“I suppose it’s you and me,” Joey said. 

Abram took a deep breath and thought maybe he’d found another ghost. _Finally._

“It’s you and me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BloodyDamnit - One year. How the hell did that happen? As I said before, I asked Jeni what the date was just because I didn't know, then when looking for something specific I saw our first posting date and - ugh. Just wow. It's been an unbelievable year. This has hands down been the best thing that I have ever been a part of and I feel so unbelievably lucky. I can't believe this entire thing started out as just a small idea I had after listening to a copious amount of podcasts and a severe andreil obsession. Then in an absolute fever of trying to tell the others, we somehow turned that silly, small little seed of an idea, into something so much fucking more. I can't believe we're here. I can't believe the friends I've made and the support this fic has gotten. I don't think I can really say thank you enough, but thank you. Thank you for believing in us and supporting us and trusting our vision and direction with this story. Just. Thank you. Happy Anniversary everyone. <3
> 
> Jeni182- Hey. Thanks for sticking with us for a whole year and embracing this version of Neil and Andrew. That's real fucking cool. We love and appreciate y'all.
> 
> Bloodydamnit - I just want to say that ^^^^^ is so fucking indicative of our writing styles lolololol. Jeni is straight to the point and I ramble on and on and on. Somehow, we work. Hence why this piece was so beautifully short and soft and quiet. I would've somehow managed to make it last until 10k. Thank you, Jeni, for balancing me out. <3 <3 <3 
> 
> Hope everyone is staying safe and healthy!!!! Thank you again, from the both of us!


	11. Update 4/19/20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _quarantine_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry this chapter is so late. Turns out writing an investigation out of a single setting is really fucking hard. There are only so many things that can happen without it becoming repetitive. So, with all that being said, here's a short chapter just to fill in some blanks. Each part is really important and meaningful though in our opinion for the growth of the boys and the investigation. The next chapter will be much longer and a different format (which will be revealed here). So give us some time because we've got a lot of evidence to make and blanks to fill in!! Keep an eye out for updates. There's a lot coming so we hope this can tide you all over for now. 
> 
> For now, I think the only CW we have are mentions of Covid and healthcare workers, and a scene with fairly explicit? but not really? sexual content. We've marked where it is with *'s. But honestly, it's pretty brief and really just very soft. Nonetheless, if you don't want to read, you can definitely skip to the second *!
> 
> <3 <3 <3 okay onto the chapter!

“I don’t know why we can’t do this over email,” Andrew grumbled, setting up Zoom so the team could still meet while staying at home. 

“You know. Team... comradery? I don’t know, it was Dan’s idea.” Neil took a sip of his coffee and tilted his head. He was far enough behind Andrew to appreciate the position he was currently in - bent over to look behind the large desktop monitor they had, making sure the HDMI between it and his laptop was plugged in correctly. 

“Stop staring at my ass, Josten.”

“Never.”

Andrew snorted and sat, pulling Neil’s chair up next to him with one hand. 

Relegated to their home office during quarantine, it was actually quite... nice. Their spare bed was tucked beside the door, a small nightstand beside it with a few books piled atop. Thankfully, they hadn’t needed it in the past few weeks, so it was made but for the ruffled comforter where Sir and King liked to cuddle underneath. Right across from it were two windows that faced south and got direct sunlight for most of the day, their long desk stationed between them. 

Usually, they sat on either side of the desk in their own little space - papers and printed documents stretching between them and their respective laptops open with light music humming from Andrew’s. Above their desk and stretched on the wall between the windows were maps of every location Steven's victims had been found - red string connecting each with notes of distance and years written in purple pen beside each marker. Pictures accompanied the maps, the little girls' faces looking back at them and reminding them that they couldn’t give up, couldn’t get distracted with this virus like everyone else had. Printed emails and other bits of justifiable evidence filled up any blank spots and Neil remembered seeing the same spread of his own life splayed on Andrew’s walls during  _ his _ investigation. 

That thought no longer made him sick. Instead, warmth spread in his center because Andrew really  _ cared _ . He gave a fuck and even though the journey was rough and the first half of 2019 was actual hell, he wouldn’t change a single thing and -

_ Anyway _ . 

Andrew opened the private room, sent the link to everyone’s staff email, and they watched as each team member popped up, one by one. 

Seth was first, giant headphones on and immediately distracted by his phone when he saw everyone wasn't there yet. Renee and Allison were next, Allison having stayed in Palmetto after bringing Seth home from the hospital. Neil assumed she planned to stay put for a now, as opposed to traveling back during the pandemic. Dan appeared last, sitting at a desk in what looked like her bedroom and hair tied back in a yellow scarf. 

“Thanks for joining, everyone,” she said, cup of coffee trailing steam as she moved it from one side of her laptop to the other. 

“Where’s Robin?” Andrew asked. She’d been staying with Dan instead of traveling to be with her parents. Which was probably for the best considering everything.

“Sleeping,” Dan said, brow creasing just a bit. “She’s had a lot of anxiety about her parents being in New York. She hasn’t been sleeping well. I’ll fill her in later.”

Andrew just nodded at the screen, shoulders tight. 

“Okay, so,” Dan looked down at what Neil assumed was her yellow pad of notes. “We need to talk about -”

Whatever else she was going to say, Neil didn’t fucking know. A mostly naked Matt Boyd walked out of the ensuite bathroom, a towel around his neck and a pair of very small red boxer briefs. 

“Oh my god…” Seth whispered. Dan had no idea. She was still talking. 

Seth stood from his chair and immediately tripped, popping back on the screen and looking like his legs were moving but he wasn’t getting anywhere. He finally disappeared only to return with Dion a second later. Allison had a hand over her mouth, trying to smother her laughter while Renee was clearing her throat and saying, “Um... Dan…?”

“Hold on Renee, let me get through this.”

“Yeah, Renee. Let her get through this!” Seth said, an arm around Dion’s neck, both of them vibrating with the effort not to scream.

“DAN,” Andrew finally said after Matt had turned around and bent over to look in a drawer. Neil slapped his hands over his face, peeking through his fingers.

“What, Andrew?” 

“Tell your fucking boyfriend to put some clothes on, jesus christ.”

Dan’s eyes snapped to her computer screen, squinting as she leaned in to examine herself in the zoom box. Her eyes went wide and she spun around. “BABE, OH MY GOD.”

Matt looked up and walked over to her, his crotch level with the camera and completely oblivious. 

Seth screamed. Literally screamed - practically choking Dion, who had both hands covering his mouth and eyes as big as saucers. 

Dan was whispering hurriedly to Matt and pushing him away, but Matt only turned his body to the side. 

“Matt, really?” Neil said, still looking between his fingers. 

Matt bent down and looked into the camera. His grin was huge. “Oh, hey little buddy! Hey guys!”

“Hey little buddy, yourself,” Seth crowed. “Ain’t so little though -”

“Sorry, sorry,” Matt said, hand patting the top of Dan’s scarf as she glared up at him. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

“No... don’t go…” Dion said softly, like Matt was a rare bird, flying into the sunset.

Matt left the screen and everyone started talking at once. 

“Okay, okay. Settle down,” Dan sighed, rolling her eyes. “Yes, yes, congratulations to me. It’s bigger in person. Can we please continue?”

“I don’t know if I can after that spectacle,” Andrew muttered.

“Me neither, honestly,” Seth said. “Got my blood pumpin’ double over here.”

“Too bad. Andrew and Neil, fill us in. Where are we right now?”

So, they filled them in - covering how they found out Steven was likely a realtor, how they made a connection to the Moriyama property, and their confrontation with Ichirou. 

“Wait, you actually had a meeting? How did that go?” Allison asked.

“Neil did the talking,” Andrew put a hand on his thigh as he leaned back in his chair. Neil gave him a small smirk. “It... it was something.”

“Neil that’s great,” Renee offered. “Does this mean they’ll leave you alone?”

“No idea.” Neil was hopeful, but he didn’t dare get too cocky just yet. “Here’s hoping.”

“So where do you go from here?” Dan asked, scribbling on her pad as she spoke.

“We’re going to look into the other Moriyama properties and try and see when they were bought and if any of them have Phillip Hull’s name. We want to confirm if Ichirou was lying about not having contact with him. We might also get in touch with James Hodges again and let him know Phillip Hull is a realtor, and see if he can put feelers out for us.”

“You better be nice to my boy James, Minyard,” Matt called from off screen. “He gets me good fuckin deals on real estate.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “No promises.”

* * *

Andrew was antsy. He was going stir crazy - which was ridiculous in and of itself because quarantine is the exact type of thing he’d been preparing for his entire goddamn life. Locked in his house with his cats, and his Neil, and his books, and his coffee? What else did anyone even need?

Except he was supposed to be  _ out there _ . Fucking _doing_ _ something _ . And right now he just felt helpless. 

“How do you think Haylie’s parents feel right now?” He asked Neil that night. They were in bed, cuddled together with Neil’s back to Andrew and Andrew’s arm around his waist with his forehead pressed to the top of Neil’s shoulders. 

“Just as terrible as they’ve always felt, I imagine,” Neil replied, sleepily. 

Andrew sighed, “Seriously, Neil. The cops weren’t doing enough already. You think they won’t use this virus as an excuse? That all their resources have to go elsewhere? Their daughter is out there somewhere... Has she been exposed? What if she gets sick? Will he take care of her? And even if he does, how fucked up is that? His whole savior thing just bumped up a notch and -”

Neil rolled over and nestled closer. He slid a hand over Andrew’s neck to grip the back of it and kissed his forehead. “These are questions we don’t have answers to, 'Drew. These are questions that are going to drive us mad if we let them. We’re doing everything we can and we’re closer than we’ve been all season.” He rubbed his nose against Andrew’s and Andrew tilted his chin up, catching his lips as Neil kissed him softly. He continued. “You’re the most caring, hard working individual I’ve ever known. Don’t let all these what-ifs weigh you down.”

Andrew looked at Neil and willed himself to find and recognize the truth in his face, even beyond the shadows. He reached a slow hand over the back of Neil’s neck to reach into his hair and tangle there. 

Then, they kissed. *

It started off soft again, but Andrew deepened it because there was something so reassuring and solid about having someone here with him - keeping him sane and motivated and driven and  _ balanced _ . Neil allowed it, sighing a little into Andrew’s mouth, and it traveled down into his chest, into his heart, into his bones. 

He never reached for Neil when he was upset - never tried to fuck away the pain with him. It seemed unfair. It seemed like he’d be using him and it seemed like he wouldn’t be totally present in that situation. But  _ this _ was not  _ that _ . This was Andrew trying to show Neil how grateful he was that they were here together. They’d come so far and though he would never admit it aloud, Neil was right. Andrew was a complete marshmallow where his partner was concerned, and that fact didn’t bother him as much as it once had. 

But he still wasn’t great with words. 

Neil lifted himself and slowly moved to straddle Andrew’s lap. He was still under the blanket, so it was like they were wrapped in warm darkness. Before long, they moved together - beyond words now - and eventually after slick hands and hitched breaths and nothing between them but each other and shared secrets, Neil reached behind himself to hold Andrew steady and lower himself down. Andrew forced himself to keep his eyes open. He wanted to close them against  _ this _ , against the feeling. He wanted to let them roll back into his head but he did not. Could not. Would not. Instead, he watched the place where their bodies were joined and thought

_ This is the closest we could ever be and it’s still not enough _ .

Neil breathed deeply for a few beats as he allowed himself to adjust and Andrew felt a shiver wrack through his lithe body. He ran a finger along Neil, root to tip just to feel it again. 

He wasn’t disappointed. 

Neil moved slowly, a rise and fall, a push and pull. The darkness filled in the edges and dips of his body - shadows converging to paint under his jaw, the grooves of his stomach, the gentle V at his hips. Andrew was reminded of the cabin, how Neil had sat on top of him for the first time and how he didn’t want to immediately push him away. It felt okay, then. It felt  _ right _ . With the sun filtering through the window and lighting Neil up in deep reds and golds and the bluest blue that couldn’t possibly have existed anywhere else in the world.

And now, the juxtaposition. Now the same view, only different - bathed in the night instead of the light and still, somehow, just as bright. Just as beautiful. Just as right. 

He moved his hand from Neil’s tip to his stomach - warm and bumpy with gentle muscles and rough scars. He traced them  _ up up up _ to Neil’s collarbone; up more to his neck and let his hand rest there on Neil’s pulse point. Let himself feel the other half of his heart beating hard and quick and  _ I am so, so soft.  _

Neil met his eyes and smiled, still moving slowly as he leaned into his touch. Andrew almost came undone right there but

Neil knew him. He knew how to work his body and play the strings of Andrew  _ fucking _ Minyard until the crescendo built to a maddening rise. 

He slowed down even more just so Andrew could pull back from the edge. Andrew leaned up on an elbow, his eyes raking over every inch he could see of Neil’s body until he ended on those eyes in the dark, and that’s when Neil let loose. Using those thigh muscles he’d honed with running and late-night exy games with Kevin, he set a quick pace and Andrew couldn’t help it. He had to close his eyes now - had to sink into the bed and throw his head back into the pillows as he grit his teeth and squeezed Neil’s thighs harder because it was  _ too much too much too much _ . He took hold of Neil and stripped him quickly in time with the rise and fall of his hips and when they both tumbled, when they both fell, dove, plunged, they did it together. Twin moans lost to the comfortable void they’d built for themselves so that Andrew had no idea where his began and Neil’s ended. 

They were the same. 

Two halves of a whole. *

When it was done, when they’d cleaned up and Neil was once again nestled against Andrew - Neil was all he saw. He didn’t think about the  _ what-ifs _ or the  _ how comes _ or the  _ why nots _ . They would come back, of course, like they always did. But for now, it was just  _ Neil Neil Neil _ and somewhere in between it was also  _ Andrew Andrew Andrew _ . 

And that was a first. 

* * *

James called them before they could call him. 

Andrew’s phone rang while they were making lunch -  _ breakfast? What time was it anyway? _ Their days inside were starting to blur together. 

“James,” Andrew answered. 

_ ‘Andrew, hope you and Neil are well. Just calling to let you know what I’ve found on this Phillip Hull.’ _

He sounded more serious than Neil had ever heard him, the smile clearly gone from his voice. He and Andrew both abandoned what they were doing to crowd around Andrew’s phone, now set on the counter with the speaker turned on. 

“Do you have something new?”

James sighed,  _ ‘I do. I talked with my contact at the Baltimore office - the one who got me the key to the house? She did some digging for me to try and figure out if there was any more info on Hull as the buyer. Turns out he’s a realtor.’ _

Neil and Andrew looked at each other. They already knew this, of course, and had already planned on calling James to tell him and see if he could sniff him out. 

“Is he?” Neil asked, letting just a hint of sharpness bleed into his voice as he focused on the phone. “And? What did you do with that information?”

James paused.  _ ‘You sure this guy is  _ **_the_ ** _ guy? He’s the one you’re looking for?’ _

“We wouldn’t be interested if we weren’t sure, Hodges,” Andrew replied. “Is there a problem.”

_ ‘No, no. No problem. It’s just... I could really ruin someone’s life here, you know? Even just accusing someone of all of this would ruin them if it weren’t true. I just want to make sure before I go poking around further that you’re 100%.’ _

“We’re 100%,” Neil said. 

James let out a breath.  _ ‘Okay. Okay, then I’ll do everything I can. Let me pull some records and see if he’s still selling houses. If he is, he honestly probably won’t be hard to track down. Especially in all this...’ _

“Then do what you can, James. We appreciate your help and we’ll be sure to let Haylie’s parents know you’re helping to bring their daughter home.”

_ ‘Oh... that’s... not necessary. I don’t need any credit. That feels wrong. Just let me look and I’ll contact you if I find anything.’ _

They said their goodbyes and looked at each other, brows raised. 

“Think he’ll be able to find something?” Neil asked, but Andrew just shrugged in response. 

“We’ll see, I suppose. Right now, he’s our best chance since we can’t leave this fucking house.”

Neil ran his hands up Andrew’s forearms, lightly massaging the scars there. It was rare for him to be wearing his armbands inside nowadays. “We’re still doing what we can.”

“I know,” Andrew sighed, “I know,” he finished, wrapping arms around Neil’s waist and pulling him close. Neil wrapped his own arms around Andrew’s neck and held him tightly. “Honestly, Neil... I’d have fucking lost it if you weren’t here.”

Neil smiled into Andrew’s hair. “I know. You’re like the Hulk and I’m that lady that says nice things until the Hulk calms down.”

Andrew huffed a laugh and pushed Neil gently away. “Matt’s going to answer for making you watch whatever stupid fucking superhero movie he made you watch.” Neil watched fondly as Andrew shook his head and took a bite of a leftover pierogi. “ _ That _ bullshit but not Howl’s Moving Castle? I’ll never understand.”

_ Neil _ didn’t really understand Andrew’s obsession with Howl’s Moving Castle either, but that was okay. It was enough that it was just a part of  _ him _ . 

* * *

“You told him  _ what? _ Neil. Neil, I-” Kevin stopped and shook his head. They were skyping him in their small office between the windows. They hadn’t talked to him since they got back, and Andrew figured they should probably tell him what went down with Ichirou. He’d be pissed if he found out later from one of the others and no one had bothered to tell him. 

“Calm down, Kevin,” Neil sighed. “It’s fine. We did everything by the books. Asked for a formal meeting, made a formal request, got a formal agreement. To breach that agreement would apparently break some really fucking old like... mob family laws or some shit. I don’t fucking know. Stuart explained it all but I was more concerned with keeping my shit together.”

“And you did?” Kevin asked.

“He really fucking did,” Andrew answered, rubbing the back of Neil’s neck. Neil smirked at him. That meeting, that fucking meeting where Neil took Ichirou apart with nothing but his smart fucking mouth and that knife-edge smile was the subject of more than one daydreaming fantasy for Andrew. Then that tiny airplane bathroom after... Neil’s hands in his hair….

Andrew gave an involuntary shiver and Kevin cleared his throat. 

“Jesus, I don’t even want to know,” he mumbled. 

“Point is, we settled some things and hopefully he keeps his nose and his people in New York. They shouldn’t be bothering us again as long as we don’t cross them. We just thought you’d want to know.”

“Well, thanks.” Kevin rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes for a long moment before he sighed and looked back at the camera. “How are you two? Staying inside? Need anything? Hand sanitizer or soap?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Your concern is touching, but as we’re not idiots, yes. We’re staying inside and yes we have hand sanitizer and soap. We even have toilet paper if you can believe it.”

“I can’t. We’re running low and I haven’t been able to find it. Living with a woman apparently means you go through it at an expedited rate.”

Neil laughed, “You did it to yourself. We’re still wondering what she has over you to make her agree to live with you.”

Kevin shook his head, smiling slightly. “When you find out, let me know.” He ended the call. 

Neil went to stand, but Andrew pulled him into his lap. He kissed his neck, just so he could breathe him in a bit. “I have to make a Publix run,” he murmured, kissing Neil just below his jaw. “Let’s make a list, hm?”

“I can go.”

“No, you can’t.”

Neil huffed, moving out of Andrew’s arms and stood. “I don’t know why you insist on being the one to go every time. I don’t like it. This thing could be way worse for you if you caught it than it would be for me.”

“You don’t know that,” Andrew said quietly. Neil knew Andrew didn’t want to risk him and Andrew knew that he knew. 

“I  _ do _ know that. Remember smoking, emo asshole? I know you’re worried about me getting sick, but I’m worried about  _ you _ getting sick.”

Andrew took hold of Neil’s wrists and pulled him to stand between his legs. He looked up at him as warmth dripped slowly into his belly like warm molasses and he was just so,  _ so _ soft. “Hey,” he murmured, tugging a bit more on Neil's wrists. “You protect me by taking on the yakuza. Let me protect you by buying more coffee and toilet paper. It’s the least -”

“No. We can go back and forth about what we do for each other but the fact of the matter is, your lungs suck and I’m not risking you just because you feel like being the protector. Either I go or no one goes and we die of starvation and -”

“We both go then. You can make sure no one coughs on me or some shit and I can still feel like I’m doing something. Compromise.”

Neil narrowed his eyes, chewing his lip until finally they softened and Andrew saw his answer. Sighing, Neil’s shoulders relaxed, the issue solved as he instead mumbled, “You said I wasn’t an idiot.”

“What?” That didn’t sound like Andrew at all. 

“To Kevin. You said, ‘we’re not idiots’.”

Andrew bit back a smile and shrugged a shoulder, “That was for Kevin’s benefit. You’re always my idiot.”

Neil leaned down to kiss him, pulling gently at his lip ring in the way he knew drove Andrew crazy.

“Thank goodness. I thought your affection for me had waned.”

“You wish.”

* * *

Neil yawned. His eyes were going blurry. They were yet again trying to find more Moriyama properties in their attempt to discern if Phillip Hull had been involved in anything since Ichirou took over. 

No luck so far. 

When Neil’s phone rang with an unknown number, his heart sank. 

_ Has Ichirou forgotten our conversation so soon? _

When he answered, however, what he got was not Ichirou.

“Hello?”

_ ‘Who the fuck is this?’ _

Neil furrowed his brow and went in search of Andrew. He found him in the kitchen making their 3PM pot of coffee. Waving him back into the living room, Andrew quickly followed, abandoning their mugs. 

_ ‘Hello? I asked a question.’ _

“You called me, asshole,” Neil said, after turning the speakerphone on.

_ ‘A cell phone was shoved into my hand by a guard with a note and a number. Now, who the fuck is this.’ _

Neil realized the same moment Andrew did. He watched Andrew’s jaw tic because

Agent Walker had come through. 

“This is Nathaniel Wesninski,” Neil replied, quietly. “Romero.”

_ Romero _ laughed on the other end of the line.  _ ‘Oh ho! Junior! I’m so glad to have you on the line. Listen, I’ve been meaning to tell you exactly how I’m going to gut you and your little fucking boyfriend for what you did to my sister.’ _

Neil rolled his eyes, all reservations and leftover fear disappearing faster than they’d even come. “Yeah, okay. Sounds great. Get in line. I have questions for you and if you don’t want to come up on more charges, you’ll answer them.”

Andrew raised a brow. Neil glanced up at him, then back down at the phone. 

_ ‘Trying to threaten me? That’s real cute, Junior. You know you’ll never be him though.  _ **_Nathan_ ** _. He was a master and you’re still just a child trying to play dress up.’ _

“I assure you, I have no desire to be Nathan. Now,” Neil carried on quickly, “Do you recall a man named Phillip Hull?”

_ ‘Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?’ _

That was apparently enough for Andrew. He snatched the phone and crossed his arms over his chest, “Listen, asshole. We have intel that this guy is connected to Nathan. So stop sucking the dick of the dead for like .2 seconds and give us some info or we’ll make sure this all goes right back to Nathan and anyone affiliated with him.”

Romero, surprisingly, was quiet. He was already awaiting trial for a number of charges - none of which were murder. Of course, he’d managed to avoid all that, but just one more charge on top of the plethora of shit he had waiting for him wasn’t something he needed, Neil was sure. 

_ ‘I don’t know no fucking Phillip Hull.’ _

“Ah huh. Was there a man Nathan dealt with for his safe houses? The one we’re focused on was in Annapolis, when something happened and he made you take my mother and I there. It was owned by a Phillip Hull.”

_ ‘You mean that time you climbed out the window like a fucking spoiled child and your mother beat the shit out of you for it?’ _

And suddenly, Neil was taken back. He bit his lip so hard he tasted blood and closed his eyes. Honestly, it was probably the one thing Romero could’ve said to get to him and remembering that Romero knew him as a child alone - that he saw the abuse he faced; helped even, when Nathan needed someone to hold Neil still as he carved him with knives and

~~_don’t be bad_ ~~

_ No. _

Andrew saw it because of course he did. 

“Do you know the name or not?” Andrew asked, taking over. “Did you ever see anyone he dealt with for the safehouses?”

_ ‘Not in the mood to reminisce? Fine. Like I said, I don’t know Phillip Hull. There was a guy he dealt with that he called Jimmy. His name wasn’t Jimmy, it was just what Nathan called anyone he didn’t know or couldn’t remember. Like a running joke. I know he got Nathan a couple of hideouts.’ _

“What did he look like? Do you know any other details? Where he was from?”

‘ _ Dunno. Could’ve been from the Moriyamas. That’s all I know. Think they sent him when Nathan had a need and Nathan called him when he needed a new spot. He just looked like a guy. Brown hair, brown eyes, white, like... I don’t fuckin’ remember. Average height?’ _

“Thanks for your help,” Neil said, finally unsticking his jaw. “Enjoy prison.”

He hung up and rubbed his face, leaving the heels of his palms to press into his eyes. 

“You okay?” Andrew asked, not touching him. 

Neil just nodded, dropped his hands, and cleared his throat. “So,” he inhaled a deep, steadying breath. “Nothing really new, but confirmation at least that the Moriyamas were working with him. Do you think they knew?” Neil dragged his eyes up from his cell and to Andrew. “That they were helping him cover it up?”

Andrew hummed. “I’m positive they were. It makes sense. Shows how he was able to get away with shit for so long - changing identities so easily.”

_ Right... _

Neil just nodded. “Coffee?”

Andrew pulled him to stand by the hand and sat him outside on the deck. He came back a minute later with a warm mug and put it in Neil’s awaiting hands.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Andrew asked, taking a sip of his own, too sweet coffee. 

Neil mumbled, “Not really.”

“Okay. Want me to fry some chicken for dinner?”

“I really do.”

“Okay.”

\--------

_ ‘You’ll have to call Kate if you want to facetime with the kids.’ _

Aaron sounded tired. A bit defeated. Andrew was immediately on high alert. His anxiety was constantly peaked when he thought about Aaron putting himself in the line of fire every day, and then coming home and potentially putting his family at risk, too. 

“Why? Where are you?”

Aaron sighed. ‘ _ I’m at a friend’s place. He left to go home when they closed campus. I’ve been here for the last week.’ _

“This is so if you get it, you don’t pass it to them?”

_ ‘Yes.’ _

Andrew chewed his lip ring. Aaron was an asshole and they’d had their fair share of arguments and moments of not speaking. But he was also a devoted father, and Andrew knew he loved Katelyn - knew there was something about her that calmed Aaron, and made the neglect and abuse he’d faced as a child easier to bear. He could recognize it now that he had the same thing with Neil. And now Aaron was separated from both her and the kids.

“How are they? How’s Katelyn doing with them by herself?”

He heard Aaron shifting around on the other end of the phone.  _ ‘She’s doing amazing, because she’s her. I go shopping and buy whatever they need and leave it in front of the door for her so she doesn’t have to leave. She wipes everything down before she brings it inside. I facetime with them everyday. It’s not the same, but it’s just what we have to do right now. I can’t risk them.’ _

“But you can risk yourself?”

He hadn’t meant to say it - not really. Aaron was a doctor. This was his job. Andrew knew that. He knew it in the same way he didn’t back down against the threats from the Moriyamas and various others who didn’t like what he had to say as a journalist. He didn’t really expect Aaron to back down from this virus but

_ Still. _

_ ‘I’m a doctor,’  _ Aaron said, like this was the most obvious statement in the world. _ ‘I took an oath Andrew. I can’t just abandon-’ _

“No, no. I know.” Andrew pushed his glasses to the top of his head and rubbed his eyes. 

_ ‘I need to talk to you about something.’ _ Aaron said after a moment's pause. 

_ Oh, jesus. _

“What?”

‘ _ So, you know you’re the backup guardian for Bella if anything happens-’ _

“No. Nope.”  _ Buzz... _ “We’re not having this conversation. For fuck’s sake, Aaron-”

He looked up when Neil walked outside. He’d been sitting on the deck, watching the sky as it grew darker and darker. The door had been cracked just a bit and Neil stood there now with it fully open, a slice of chocolate cake in his hand. He furrowed his brow and started to retreat back inside, but Andrew waved him forward. With a small frown, Neil set the cake on the little table connected to Andrew’s chair and kissed his head, before sitting down in the chair beside him. 

_ ‘No. I need to have this conversation right now. Please. I just... need to know everything is squared away. Just in case.’ _

Andrew didn’t reply. He closed his eyes, pressed his lips together, and swallowed hard. He honestly didn’t have it in him to scold his brother for using  _ that _ word. Aaron knew how much he hated  _ it _ and the fact that he even used it meant that he either wasn’t thinking straight, or he was desperate for Andrew to hear him. 

_ ‘We still have you as the backup guardian for Bella, but we’ve also added you for Dylan. I didn’t ask first because we were in a rush to get it done and I honestly didn’t think I’d need to -’ _

“Of course you didn’t need to,” Andrew murmured.

Aaron sighed,  _ ‘I just need confirmation that if you end up with the kids, you’re okay with that. I know...’ _ he let out another breath,  _ ‘I know you have Neil now. I know you have to consider him. _ ’ Andrew’s eyes flicked over to Neil, who had his eyes focused out and up at the sky. He was trying to give Andrew some semblance of privacy. 

“Neil is fine,” he felt Neil turn his attention to him then. “He knows I'm the backup for Bella. He won’t mind that it’s Dylan now, too.” He watched as Neil’s eyes softened from a question, to perfect understanding and Andrew took comfort when he reached over to squeeze his arm.

_ ‘Okay. Okay, good.’ _ Relief. Aaron was quiet for another beat, something moving around in the background and then, quieter,  _ ‘Why do you think it’s always been so hard for us?’ _

His voice was shaky and Andrew could hear tears there, but he didn’t let himself acknowledge it. 

“I don’t know. Maybe because I killed your mother and you knew it, even if you didn’t acknowledge it.”

Aaron went quiet again. 

Andrew looked down at Neil’s hand and felt as his thumb gently stroked slowly over the bumps and ridges of the old x’s on his uncovered skin. 

And then,

_ ‘You did it to protect me.’ _

“Yes,” a whisper, automatic, nothing but the truth.

‘ _ She wouldn’t have stopped beating me... I probably would’ve wound up dead from the drugs. I certainly wouldn’t be where I am now...’ _

Andrew didn’t respond - just watched Neil’s thumb as he chewed on his lip ring until that spot was sore. 

_ ‘I forgave you for that, you know. A long time ago. _ ’ 

Andrew didn’t know what to say to that either. Thank you? He didn’t need Aaron’s forgiveness for that. He did what he felt like he had to do. It wasn’t his fault Aaron was attached to such a worthless excuse for a human. 

He was still working through whether to respond, when Aaron spoke again and the breath was stolen from Andrew’s lungs. 

_ ‘I heard that interview Riko Moriyama did. Where he said you were abused by a man you lived with.’ _ He fell silent - either gathering his thoughts or waiting for him to respond, Andrew didn’t know. Aaron took a deep breath before continuing.  _ ‘Was... it was the Spears, wasn’t it?’ _ Andrew pressed his shoulder to his bee and closed his eyes as she hummed in his ear...  _ ‘I remember you having to write the statement, but I didn’t really understand what it was... I didn’t want to know. I still hated you.’ _

“I know.” And Andrew wished he could say, ‘I hated you, too,’ but he didn't. He never had. At times he wanted to because he held disdain for Aaron. Frustration. Anger. 

But never hate. 

_ ‘I know this isn’t something you want to talk about, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. You were with them when I wrote to you... When you wrote back and told me to fuck off. When you went to juvie. Is that why you didn’t want me to visit?’ _

Andrew swallowed hard and gripped his phone tighter. He'd never told Aaron this and had never planned to. But he was asking now and what if -  **_No_ ** . “Yes,” Andrew murmured, barely a whisper and before he knew what was happening, Neil’s hand was gone and instead his head was on his knee. He looked down to see that he’d slid out of his chair and onto the wooden planks of the deck. Sitting at Andrew’s feet, his head leaned against his knee - heavy and warm and Andrew instinctively ran his fingers through those auburn curls, and let his hand rest there in the soft warmth. He didn’t know how Neil always knew what he needed. 

_ ‘Were you afraid... he’d...’ _

“He told me he would,” Andrew bit out. “I made sure it didn’t happen.”

_ ‘By being sent to juvie?’ _

“By doing what I had to do.”

Andrew hoped Aaron wouldn’t thank him. It was the last thing he wanted to hear, because that’s not why he fucking did it. He’d been a child and he was desperate and stupid and scared. He was traumatized. He was broken.  _ He was, he was, he was _

The line went silent and they stayed like that for a long time, just listening to the quiet. Twin breaths coming deep and steady, miraculously still here - in this place. Alive and whole and happy. 

The both of them. 

‘ _ Sometimes I wish we could go back and just cut out all the bullshit. Sometimes, I wish it was me and you and Nicky, eating greasy food at 2AM from Eden’s and just sitting in silence. You remember...? None of us ever talked. Nicky stopped trying after the first ten minutes and we’d just sit there... eating. But I really liked it. Because it was a comfortable quiet. It was a safe quiet. I don’t think either of us had had much of that.’ _

Andrew wanted to throw his fucking phone, because he knew Aaron was crying now - knew he was thinking of lost time, all because the facts were facts and healthcare workers were dying every fucking day. 

Andrew shoved his glasses on top of his head again and rubbed his eyes furiously before responding. 

“After everything is over, maybe you and Nicky can come home. We can go to Bee’s. Eat food quietly.”

_ ‘Yeah... We should do that.’  _ And then, _ ‘There’s a PS4 here. I haven’t played in so long.’ _

“I still have mine.”

_ ‘Do... do you-’ _

“Give me half an hour.”

* * *

Andrew was subdued after his conversation with Aaron.

Distracted. 

It lasted through the night and bled into the next day. Neil knew him well enough by now to know not to push. But he still wanted to offer comfort. 

He’d always hated empty words - hated when people said things like ‘ _ It’ll get better, it’s okay, don’t worry about it. _ ’ Because what if it wasn’t okay? What if Andrew’s fears became a reality? What would happen to his already fragile mental state? He’d been doing zoom meetings with his therapist still. Neil hoped he brought this up. 

In the end, when Neil woke that night to find Andrew staring at the ceiling, he moved in closer. Putting his head on Andrew’s shoulder, he pushed his long hair away from his neck and placed a kiss there. 

“I’m here, whatever happens. I’ll be here with you.”

It was the best he could offer. And maybe it was enough because Andrew turned to Neil in response and kissed him soundly before pushing him over and pulling him to his chest tightly.

He seemed a little better, after that. Neil offered to sleep in the other room, but Andrew just shook his head. 

“Stay,” he said.

“You help,” he said.

“Just be here,” he said.

So, Neil did.

-

He’d walked downstairs late one night, wondering where Andrew was. He found him with his headset on, playing some videogame or other with Aaron. Once he thought they even had Nicky on the line and Andrew offered to teach Neil, but he declined. He wouldn’t have minded learning, but it felt like something he shouldn’t intrude on. 

Not right now anyway. 

When Andrew suggested they record a video instead of a traditional podcast, Neil gripped the distraction with both hands. 

“That sounds perfect,” he said. “We can set up in the office and have it be us just talking.”

Andrew nodded, “That sounds good. We need to sit down and make a list of things to talk about. We haven’t done in an episode in... fuck I don’t even know how long. There’s a lot to go over.”

They spent that afternoon making a list and going through everything they’ve done over the past few weeks - adding every piece of information they’d been able to gather and confirm. They drank coffee at odd times and moved to the deck at one point, only to come inside to lay together on the couch while Andrew wrote in his notebook all the things they’d talked about. 

“We should call Robin,” Andrew eventually said. “See if she’ll agree to be on speaker while we record.”

Neil pulled out his phone in response, dialing his number and setting it on the coffee table so they could both hear. 

After a few rings

_ ‘Hey, Neil.’ _

“Hey, Robin. I have Andrew here with me. We just wanted to check in with you and talk to you about some things. How are you?”

Robin sighed. _ ‘I’m okay. Going a little stir crazy.’ _

“We still on for our run tomorrow?”

_ ‘ _ **_Yes._ ** _ We’re definitely on for our socially distanced run tomorrow,’ _ Robin laughed. 

Over the past couple of weeks, they’d been running near each other, for lack of a better word. They couldn’t really talk because they ran at a distance from one another, but he thought she appreciated the company. Kevin even joined them a few times, running across the street and pumping his fists at them to push them faster. He even stopped them to do lunges and other exercises halfway through. 

“How are your parents?” Andrew asked, eyes on the phone and brows creased in concern. 

_ ‘They’re still doing okay. Seth sent them masks and they’ve been wearing them whenever they have to go out.’ _

Seth had sent everyone masks. He even sent 50 or something to the hospital Aaron worked at when Andrew mentioned they were short on supplies. He’d made a few for Neil and Andrew, too. 

Andrew’s had bees on them. 

_ ‘I’ve always felt stupidly guilty that my mom quit nursing school when I was taken. Now I’m just really... really grateful for it.’ _

“Wow, yeah...” Andrew said, “You know, my brother’s a doctor. It’s the fucking worst. I’m glad you don’t have to worry about that.”

_ ‘Me, too. _ ’

“Listen,” Nel said, wanting to steer the conversation away from potentially in danger brothers, “Andrew and I have been trying to figure out a way to get an episode out right now while we’re all in isolation. Recording one probably isn’t the best way, so we’re thinking of doing a video episode instead.”

_ ‘Oh, that’s a good idea.’ _

“We thought so,” Andrew added. “So, we’re gathering all of the evidence we have that we haven’t shared yet. We just wanted to check with you to see if we could have you on speaker while we’re recording. Maybe do a mini interview?”

_ ‘Of course, yeah. Whatever I can do to help. When are you recording?’ _

“We don’t know yet. But we’ll let you know when we do.”

Neil left them to chat for a bit. He and Robin had a good relationship, an understanding of what they both went through as kids. But she and Andrew connected in a way that Neil just didn’t. And he didn’t mind that. He thought it was probably good for her to have someone like him - like Andrew. Someone strong and rational. Someone who’d been through some of the same things and had come out a successful adult. 

He made his way upstairs to their bedroom and flopped down on the bed, earning an annoyed noise from Sir. She had no hard feelings, it seemed, as she climbed onto Neil’s stomach to curl there. He set a hand on her head and rubbed her face. 

Andrew came in a few minutes later and laid down beside Neil. 

“Robin okay?”

Andrew took over petting Sir and nodded. “I think she’s glad that we’re doing something... or that we’re giving her something to do, I guess. She’s stuck in that apartment with Dan and Boyd. I think she feels a little stifled.”

“Understandable. Matt’s my best friend but he can be -”

“A lot?”

“Enthusiastically nice.”

Andrew snorted. “That’s one way to put it.” He moved closer to Neil and closed his eyes.

“ _ Ohhh, _ ” Neil cooed. “Nap time?” 

“Mmmm.”

* * *

“Andrew! I miss you so much! How are you! It’s been forever!”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Seth, I talked to you yesterday.”

“I know, but that was over the phone... I miss your sweet face.” Seth winked at him and Andrew almost hung up. He decided to facetime instead of calling, just so he could show Seth the equipment he had, which wasn’t much. 

Seth listened closely, thankfully, when Andrew explained what exactly they wanted to do. He was already digging through what looked like a closet of equipment before Andrew had even finished talking. 

“Okay,” Seth said, appearing back on the phone he’d propped on some sort of surface as he’d rummaged. “So here’s what I can do for you. I have a Canon EOS 80D, which is a fancy way of saying a great fuckin’ HD DSLR. I also got,” He held up a black case, “An external mic.” After setting it down and a few clicks later, he held up the microphone so Andrew could see. “You can plug it right into your macbook to record and edit or whatever. I’ll put the conversion cable with it because your computer got the stupid ports,” Seth rolled his eyes. “Anyway, this mic is fuckin’ perfect for canceling out background noise and shit and -”

“Sure, whatever,” Andrew cut him off, waving his phone for Seth to move on. “Can we send all of this to you to edit when we’re done? I mean, I could probably do it, but you’d get it done faster.” 

“Fuck yes,” Seth groaned. “I’m so fuckin’ bored. I miss people. If Dion weren’t here, I’d have lost it by now.”

“I know the feeling,” Andrew muttered. Because if Neil hadn’t been here, he thought he’d most likely be a sleep deprived, nicotine-withdrawn mess. 

“I bet you do, lover boy,” Seth wagged his brows, but swiftly moved on before Andrew could hang up. “Okay, I’ll drop this shit off on your doorstep tomorrow, good?”

“Good.”

Andrew hung up and immediately dialed James. They hadn’t heard back from him and it’d been a week. He was tired of waiting. 

Joining Neil on the deck as the phone rang, he stepped over Neil’s propped up legs and dropped into his own chair. 

_ ‘Hello?’ _

“James, it’s Andrew.”

_ ‘Andrew, how are you?’ _

He sounded tired - not his usual cheery self. 

“As well as I can be, I expect. Have you been able to find anything?”

James sighed into the phone,  _ ‘Unfortunately, no. I’m sorry, but no one’s working right now. Unless you’re looking for apartments, the market is tanking. No one’s buying houses because no one can  _ **_look_ ** _ at houses. I know this doesn’t have anything to do with you, but we’re all a little stressed. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone regarding this Phillip Hull, yet.’ _

Andrew clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. He could feel Neil watching him closely. He leaned toward the phone. 

“James, it’s Neil. Listen, I know things are hard right now. They’re hard for everyone. But if it’s at all possible, we really need this information. We’re trying to help find a child who we believe is in serious danger, and we’ve already wasted so much time trying to figure things out.”

_ ‘I know... I know. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be difficult. Of course, I’ll do what I can. I just ask that you gentlemen have patience. It may take a minute to talk to the right person.’ _

“Sure,” Andrew said. “Stay in touch.”

_ ‘Will do.’ _

James hung up, and Andrew let out a breath. “I feel like we’re getting nowhere.”

“I know. But all we can do is keep moving forward.”

Andrew nodded and cracked his pinky just...  _ because _ \- 

“I talked to Seth. He’s going to drop off some recording equipment tomorrow so we can film. We just need to get everything in order and figure out what we’re going to say.”

“We will.” Neil picked up the laptop he’d set aside when Andrew came out. “Still no luck on these property listings. I haven't found Phillip Hull on any of the others that I can connect to the Moriyamas.”

“We’ll keep looking.”

“Of course we will.”

* * *

Andrew was sad on Easter. 

He wasn’t the type of sad where he couldn’t get out of bed. 

Neil had seen those days. 

He wasn’t even the type of sad where he wouldn’t eat. 

Neil had seen those, too. 

But he was subdued - just like he’d been after his conversation with Aaron. 

Neil didn’t ask, but Andrew still offered, and he thought that was a huge amount of progress, even if Andrew didn’t realize it. 

“Last year we were at Bee’s... All of us. Nicky and Eric, Aaron and his family, even Kevin, Wymack, and Abby. I bought Bella a bounce house and made her an ice cream sundae. I just hate how this whole situation has me wondering when I’m going to be able to see them again.”

“You will though. Eventually. This isn’t going to last forever,” Neil said, running a hand through Andrew’s hair. 

They were sitting on the floor in the kitchen. He didn’t know why. One minute they were eating washed grapes out of a bowl and the next they were on the floor, leaning against the cabinets. Now, Andrew laid on his back with his head in Neil’s lap - eyes closed and mouth slightly open. He was like a cat. He loved to be petted. Andrew wiggled pale toes and Neil smiled at the sight of them. 

“I know. I just hate it. Stupid fucking virus... ruining everything. Making my stupid brother have real fucking conversations with me... Jesus, I hate everything.”

“Everything?”

Andrew grabbed Neil’s hand from his hair and kissed his wrist before placing it back atop his head in a silent request for Neil to keep stroking. “ _ Almost _ everything.”

Neil huffed a laugh. “Let’s facetime the girls. I’m sure they’ll be glad to hear from you.”

Andrew automatically pulled out his phone and facetimed Katelyn, waiting while it rang. It only took a minute, and Bella’s grinning face filled the screen. “Unkie!”

Andrew’s face immediately lit up and Neil’s chest filled with something warm and tingly. He couldn’t help his smile. 

“Bells!” Andrew tilted the phone up so she could see Neil. 

“Unkie Neil!”

“Neicy Bella!” 

Bella giggled and Neil smiled even more. He loved her... he really did. He loved her because Andrew loved her so goddamn much, but also because she was such a cool fucking kid. 

“I’m making Sir! Look!” 

There was a fumbling of the phone and flashes of Aaron and Katelyn’s house before the camera landed on a small clay cat figurine that was half painted gray. 

Neil gasped and grabbed Sir from where she was snuggled up against his thigh. “Sir, look! It’s you!” He held her up to the phone where she stared at it with much disdain. Bella turned the phone back on herself and giggled. 

“She loves it, Unkie!”

“She really does. You’re an amazing artist.”

“Tank you. Dylan didn’t make any. She’s too little, mommy said she would eat the paint.”

“Your mommy is very smart,” Andrew said seriously. “Is Dylan around?”

“DYYYLAAANN! IT’S UNKIES!” And just like that, Bella was off like a shot, phone bobbing in her hand so all they could see was part of her shirt. She found Dylan who was sitting on a blanket on the floor, chewing on a toy. Neil watched Andrew’s smile grow. He couldn’t blame him. She was cute as fuck - all chubby cheeks and red hair. 

“Hi, Dylan,” Andrew said and Dylan giggled, hitting the phone with her toy. He tilted the phone up so Neil could wave and Dylan could ignore him. 

Andrew talked to the girls for a little while longer, Bella showing off the basket Andrew and Neil had sent her for Easter and then giving them a full tour of all the drawings she’s made in the last few days. After a while, Andrew sat up and told Bella to put Katelyn on the phone. Andrew stood and with a glance to Neil that Neil easily read, started to walk away as he asked Katelyn, “Do you need anything?”

Neil sighed and sat up, trying not to groan at the soreness in his hips. Was he getting old? Was 26 old? He never thought he’d live to 26, so it seemed pretty old in the grand scheme of things. 

Heading upstairs to their office, he’d been in the middle of research before he’d found himself on the kitchen floor. 

He woke the computer up and sighed, continuing his search. That’s what they were supposed to do, right?

Property after property, and no Phillip Hull... No relevant Steven’s either, because they were looking for that, too. Some of the listings he wasn’t even sure belonged to the Moriyama’s. 

He heard Andrew pounding up the stairs when he saw  _ it. _

He froze, reading the screen over and over and  _ over again _ as something in his stomach turned to lead. 

Andrew stepped into the room and stopped at the sight of him  _ because because because - _

It was that cold feeling; the one where you felt all the blood drain from your face and skin prickle something uncomfortable and  _ wrong _ . 

“What?” Andrew breathed. “Did you find something with Hull’s name?”

Neil swallowed thickly, because  _ no, no,  _ “No,” He forced out, pointing a finger to the name on the screen. “But I found one with James Hodges.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you liked this weeks chapter!!! We will have a BTP from Aaron coming this Wednesday at 8PM EST, so keep an eye out and make sure you're subscribed to BTP to get the notification.  
> Kudos and comments are always welcome! Thank you so much for hanging in there with us and we hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.  
> Shit is finally pickin up in the RRP universe and we hope you all are along for the ride!  
> With that being said, don't forget that there's still time to email us with tips at foxholenetwork@gmail.com and njosten.foxhole@gmail.com! If you wanna be featured both in the chapter and physically in evidence, please send your tips in and if they work, we'll be adding them in!!!!!!!!!
> 
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> 
> And again, please please please stay safe, stay healthy, keep searching <3


	12. Anniversary 6/30/20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Happy Pride, Everyone <3 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... wow. 
> 
> It's been a while, huh?
> 
> We've been gone for a while. Like over a month, two months? kind of while. We know. With everything going on right now, it felt highly inappropriate to post anything if we're being completely honest. And as the covid cases go up and BLM continues to push forward and cause actual, systemic change, we still feel like the timing right now is a bit off. And we've been really talking about what exactly we're going to do here with this fic since the team still cant actually go anywhere even though restrictions on quarantine are being lifted (far too early, in our opinions). We don't want to keep writing them in the same place. And while we know that the characters have been to protests, we feel like it's disingenuous to write about such events when we're not in that specific location, but also because it feels like we're exploiting and taking advantage of an extremely pivotal time in our country, history, and lives. It doesn't feel right. So, we're thinking we may have to break the realism of writing in real-time. We already have a recap chapter planned and halfway finished, but following that, some things are going to have to change and we'll let you know what those things are soon. 
> 
> For now, this is very very short, but we felt like it needed to be put out because it's the boys one year anniversary today. And it just felt like a good time and place to show their growth. We had this conversation about Andrew a couple of weeks ago and this was the perfect time to write it, we think! And we decided to post it as an update rather than a Behind the Pod chapter because we feel like its a nice little update and bridge to show yall where Andreil are at. 
> 
> We hope you like it!!!!

_ Wow, just thinking about the fact that June 30th is kind of our anniversary. _

Neil hit respond on the ask and read it back to himself. 

_ Is that right? June 30th? _

That’s when they sat on Allison’s roof - when they ate New York hotdogs and watched the Pride parade below and around. Neil had wrapped his pinky around Andrew’s that night, and felt both big and small and like he’d left the ground completely. 

He trudged upstairs to find Andrew. He needed to know his thoughts on this. 

He found him in the office, bent over his laptop, and frowning at something. Neil leaned against the door frame and watched for a moment. This was one of his favorite things... Watching Andrew when Andrew didn’t know he was - 

“Staring.”

“Yep.”

Andrew looked up at him, tucking a sheet of blond behind his ear. 

“Is June 30th our anniversary?”

Andrew blinked at him. “Our - what?”

“Anniversary,” Neil repeated, walking into the room and plopping down in his big red chair, the one they were using to film the podcasts. Andrew swiveled in the desk chair to face him, brows drawn. “I was just thinking about how that was the date of New York pride last year, right? That’s kind of where it started, isn’t it?”

“Is it?” One of Andrew’s brows rose and Neil smiled.

“I wrapped my pinky around yours.”

“Ah,” Neil could practically hear the realization click in Andrew’s head as he nodded, face resolving into an expression of serious contemplation. “This is true... It was the most erotic moment of my life.”

“Yeah? I should do it in bed more often then.” Neil waggled his brows suggestively and Andrew rolled his eyes. “Seriously, though. What do you think?”

“You still hated me a little.”

“No, I didn’t.” 

“You spent the night and left before I woke up.”

“No, I didn’t.”

Andrew blinked again, leaned back in the desk chair, and crossed his arms. “Now, I know you know I remember because I remember everything. But I even have physical evidence that you absolutely did.”

_ Physical evid- _

_ That _ was enough of a surprise that Neil was momentarily distracted from his original point. Andrew picked his bag up from it’s home beside the desk and dug through it.    
  
“Wait, wait, wait,” Neil finally gathered himself, shaking his head. “I know you’re an investigative journalist and all bu-”

“Exhibit A!” Andrew said, holding up a folded piece of paper. 

“I object!”

“You can’t object while I’m presenting evidence, idiot. You don’t even know what it is.” Andrew shook the paper in Neil’s direction.

_ Humph. _

Neil shrugged, “You would know more about court etiquette than I would, I suppose...” And then he leaned forward, attempting to snatch the paper from a laughing Andrew, but he moved it away just as fast. 

“Ah, ah, ah, Neil. Now, we had an incredibly romantic evening of hotdogs and Howl’s Moving Castle, where we went against propriety and fell asleep in the same bed.”

“On top of the blankets.”

Andrew shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Two bodies in the same bed? What would people think?”

Neil tilted his head and the corners of his lip quirked, amused. “What did  _ you _ think?”

Andrew’s smirk faded just a bit. “I actually felt bad about that when I woke up. I didn’t want you to feel like I was pressuring you for something since you told me you were demi.”

Neil bit his lip to hide a smile. Because in the past year  ~~_holy shit, one year_ ~~ , Andrew’s defenses had slowly, sometimes begrudgingly, come down. He revealed more and more of himself with every passing day and Neil found himself feeling so incredibly lucky to be a part of it. “Remember when you were hard and mean and hated everything?”

“I still am. Now, on to my evidence.” He unfolded the paper and cleared his throat with great ceremony. “‘ _ Went home before Matt sent the police to find me. Didn’t want to wake you. Thanks for last night. You were right. It’s nice to be with someone who understands. Neil _ .’”

And Neil didn’t say anything - couldn’t. He just smiled because his chest felt full and warm and he sunk further into his chair, satisfied.

“So, in conclusion,” Andrew inhaled, folding up the note and carefully placing it back in an inner pocket of his bag, “you absolutely left before I woke up.”

Neil just kept smiling. Andrew blinked once more. “Well? This is where you tell me I’m right.”

“You kept that note.” 

_ He kept that note. _

“Your powers of deduction are astounding,  _ Grand Canyon postcard _ .” Andrew rolled his eyes, but Neil could see the pink dusting the tips of his ears. 

“I will say,” Neil sighed, “that note is convincing.” He nodded, leaning forward in his chair and steepling his fingers under his chin. “But I have witness testimony.”

Andrew stood, wearing light gray sweatpants and one of his loose tanks, and moved from his desk to the opposite red podcast chair beside Neil’s. He fell into it sideways, kicking his feet up over the arm. King jumped into his lap and he automatically cuddled her close before waving a hand at Neil. “Fine. Proceed. I just need to get comfortable for what is sure to be a riveting story.”

The warmth in his chest bubbled, something giddy rising in his throat as Neil stood and cleared his throat, trying to beat back the smile curving on his lips. Schooling himself as he paced, he gave him the riveting story he wanted. “Alright. Imagine, if you will, a man in bed with another man.”

“This story is fantastic.”

“Thank you, I’m just getting started.” He held up two fingers, “Two men in bed. They sleep the best sleep of their lives-”

“Boo. Less interesting.”

“I’ll give you the explicit version later.” He cleared his throat again, “Now, we’re asleep right? Because we watched Howl’s Moving Castle just so you could fanboy over it. I wake up, the laptop is dead between us. I take out my contacts because they were fucking up my eyes from sleeping in them.”

“I hated those contacts.”

“Yes, I know. Stop interrupting,” Neil chided. “I look over to you and you’re like, completely passed out. Dead to the world. But, as usual, you still have your glasses on.”

Neil looked at him to find Andrew’s lips pressed together. He was perpetually falling asleep with his glasses on, and Neil was perpetually taking them off for him.  _ He didn’t flinch away anymore.  _

“So I reached over to take them off, but you grabbed my wrist before I could. You opened your eyes, looked at me, and said, ‘ _ Fuck. Your eyes are blue _ .’ Then you went back to sleep.”

Andrew drew back his chin, confused. He stared down at King for a moment, then back up at Neil. “Are you serious?”

“I’m always serious, ‘Drew.” 

Andrew snorted.

“Damn... I seriously thought I dreamed that. ‘ _ Your eyes are blue’ _ . Jesus fuck that’s embarrassing.”

“It really is. So embarrassing for you. I’m so sorry.” Neil sank to his knees in front of Andrew’s chair and took one of his hands, kissing his knuckles. “I still think you’re alright, though.”

King nuzzled Neil’s face and Andrew shoved him away, laughing. “Come on, jerk. Bedtime.”

* * *

It wasn’t late, but they didn’t usually get into bed super late. Typically, they stayed up for a while before sleep - sometimes talking, sometimes just pressed close.   
  
Sometimes fucking. 

Sometimes all three on a really great night. 

Tonight, Andrew could tell, would be for talking. 

Once they settled and the cats got comfortable, they turned towards each other, almost like magnets. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Neil murmured quietly in the near-dark.

Andrew contemplated for a moment. He didn’t really know what to think about Neil’s question. Honestly, he never thought he’d be someone who would ever have something like an anniversary. For most of his life, he’d equated that word with old people celebrating living long enough to be married to the same person for an unnatural amount of time. 

_ The root word of anniversary is the latin word annus, which means year, and why am I breaking down the origin of this word instead of answering the question? _

“‘Drew?”

“Do you think it’d be the 30th? What about when we kissed for the first time?” he finally responded.

Neil grimaced. “With Lola’s dead body three feet away? I don’t want to remember that day in connection with where we’re at now.”

Andrew could see that, he supposed. Though, if you had told him when he was sixteen and still applying eyeliner far too liberally that the first kiss he would have with the guy that would be  _ the _ guy would take place in the woods with a dead body nearby, he would’ve probably been thrilled.

Andrew shrugged. “Then it’s June 30th.”

Neil smiled. “I think it’s really appropriate, actually. That our anniversary is the same day as Pride. That entire situation,  _ you _ , led me to figuring out I’m demi.”

Andrew ran a finger over Neil’s knuckles where his hand was resting between them. And he wondered... “What was that like?”

“Figuring out my sexuality?”

“Yeah. I mean, with me it was a lot of denial and shame because of my trauma. I didn’t really have that ‘aha’ moment. It was more a slow slide into acceptance.” 

Neil nodded like he understood and Andrew thought maybe he did. 

“It was... like a piece sliding into place. I wouldn’t really say it was a relief, because honestly, I’d never really been that bothered by it. I didn’t have time to think too hard about it, especially when it benefitted me to _not_ _want_ things, you know? But when I began researching, I started with asexuality because that’s what you’d mentioned and it made sense. But it didn’t fit by itself. I thought maybe gray ace because I was curious sometimes. Though that didn’t equal desire for me. But…” Neil stopped talking and bit the inside of his lower lip. 

“What?” Andrew desperately wanted to hear the rest, and his whisper sounded so loud in the dark room as he reached up and used his thumb to pull Neil’s bottom lip from between his teeth.

Neil’s smile flashed and the center of Andrew’s chest felt warm. “ _ But, _ I wanted you. I didn’t know what to do with it or what it really even meant. I don’t even know if I wanted you sexually at that point, but fuck, Andrew. I wanted you so bad and the thought of doing sexual things with you was a turn on, not just an odd sort of curiosity. So, I found demi. And it was like that piece of a puzzle slotting into place just right.”

Andrew laced their fingers together and while he let the warmth from his chest spill down his arms and the rest of his body, something nudged at the back of his mind to finally be asked. “Can we talk about something that’s always bothered me, but I haven’t brought up because I like to shove things away and pretend it’s whatever because I’m emotionally stunted?”

Neil laughed and squeezed his hand. “Always.”

_ Always, always, always _

Andrew used that as a small dose of courage as he sat up in bed and turned on the bedside lamp. Neil followed suit, the blanket covering their laps until Andrew pushed his side away to turn with his legs crossed to face Neil. 

“When we were... going through everything in New York, and we went to the Adirondacks-”

“Ah. Bryan with the tattoo sleeves,” Neil said wryly because of course he already knew.

“Yes. Did you really think I wanted him?” Andrew had never understood how Neil could possibly think he’d want someone else, but he supposed that’s where their sexualities came into play, and how they were different.

Neil shook his head. “No. I mean, in the moment,  _ yes _ I did. But it was just because you felt so far away. It seemed easier to be angry.”

“Does it bother you, though? That I’ve been with other people? That I find other men attractive?”

Neil raised a brow. “Where is this coming from?”

Andrew rubbed his face and grabbed his glasses from the nightstand so he could see Neil better in the dim light. “Just thinking about you being demi, and what that really means. I feel selfish sometimes, I guess. That I’m the only person you’ve felt this attraction to and the only person you’ve been with. I mean I’ve been with-”

Neil held up a hand. “I don’t need numbers. It doesn’t bother me. Why would it? You can’t help your sexuality like I can’t help mine.” He dropped his hand and tilted his head, brows furrowing slightly as he considered. “Sometimes I  _ do _ try to think about it though. But because I just don’t understand how it works. I can’t fathom seeing someone I don’t know and just being like, _ man I’d like to fuck that guy _ . The concept is just so foreign to me.”

Andrew nodded. “That makes sense. I don’t really understand never being attracted to anyone unless you have an emotional connection. I didn’t understand  _ having _ an emotional connection, until you.”

And then Neil stared at him for a moment, face contemplative.

“What...?”

“Have you ever thought... maybe you’re demiromantic?”

Andrew opened his mouth to deny it, but then closed it. He looked down at their gray sheets.

“I…”

Neil laughed a little. “I didn’t mean to freak you out, I’m just saying. It makes a little sense right? Have you ever felt romantic towards anyone before me?”

Andrew shook his head immediately because  _ never _ .  _ Not once _ . Not even a small  _ inkling _ of romantic feelings. With everyone but Neil, it’d just been sexual. And even then, all of them had been more for basic maintenance than anything. 

“But that stems from my trauma,” he explained. “I never  _ wanted _ to have those feelings. It was easier to just get off and leave. The thought of anything emotional was just... gross.”

The fact of the matter was, Andrew had never been shown affection until Bee. He didn’t  _ know _ what it was supposed to look like. And obviously it’s different when it’s someone you’re related to. He loved Bee and he loved his nieces, but in the emotional sense, it was different from the way he loved Neil. There were guys he’d hooked up with more than once, too. Roland was probably the closest thing he’d ever had to a relationship, and he never once felt anything close to romantic for him. If he’d thought about it back then, maybe he would’ve thought he was aromatic. But Neil...

Neil took his hand and started massaging, looking down at it instead of up at him, which Andrew appreciated. He was giving him time to process. 

“Do you remember,” Neil started, quietly, “when Robin was questioning her sexuality and we went to the discord to talk to other people?”

Andrew nodded, head still swimming. 

“Someone in that discord said that even if your asexuality stems from trauma, it’s still valid. Would you tell Robin she’s not ace because it seems to stem from the abuse from Steven? That she’s just traumatized?”

_ No - _

“Of course I wouldn’t,” Andrew said automatically, snapping his eyes up to look at Neil. 

“That’s all I’m saying,” Neil said softly, running his fingers over Andrew’s hand until it unclenched again. “Only you can answer that question, ‘Drew. But it’s just something to think about, that’s all. It doesn’t matter either way, because I’m here and I’ll always be here... I just know it felt really important to me when I realized it.”

Andrew lifted his head fully and stared at his  _ partner _ for a second before something clicked in his mind and he left the bed. 

“Where are you -”

“I’ll be right back.”

Heading to the office, he grabbed his tablet from the desk and brought it back to bed. He had to fall back on what he knew - what he’d encouraged Neil to do one year ago. 

Research. 

And they did it together. First sitting, then laying in the bed - googling demiromanticism and reading articles of experiences from people who identified that way. 

It was almost early morning by the time they were so exhausted, they could hardly keep their eyes open. Andrew’s throat hurt from talking through it and Neil had let him - not contributing much to the conversation, but letting Andrew verbally sort through his thoughts to himself, which is what he needed to do.

The tablet was dead on the bed between them and Andrew thought about that night in New York.  _ Pride _ . Them falling asleep with the laptop blank between them after celebrating who they were. Sexuality was something Andrew had struggled with as a teenager, but as an adult and with the help of therapy and Bee, he truly was proud of who he was. He was a gay man who’d overcome his trauma as well as he could, to find satisfaction with other men when he wanted it. He was a man who’d overcome his trauma as well as he could to find a life with  _ this _ man - the one he wanted forever. 

And now?

“Neil?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m demiromantic.”

Neil smiled a sweet smile, his eyes closing almost against his will. And as Andrew’s eyes started to close, too

He felt a piece slip into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So itsy bitsy... but Happy Pride, Everyone <3 <3 <3 From us and the TFN team, to you <3
> 
> See Andrew and Neil in their Pride flags with Sir and King [HERE](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/622402400843595776/im-writing-this-because-neil-wrote-the-one-year)  
> ! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated and thank you everyone for sticking through with us and allowing this small hiatus. It honestly means a lot so thank you, thank you, thank you. We appreciate you guys so goddamn much. Honestly and truly. We literally could not do any of this without you!
> 
> Keep up with us on our socials!!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> Please continue staying safe, WEAR YOUR MASKS, socially distance, be kind to one another, have pride, and remember that Black Lives Matter, still matter, have always mattered, and will CONTINUE to matter even if it's no longer trending. The fight isn't over yet.
> 
> See y'all next time!


	13. SEASON 2 RECAP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Season 2 Recap so far - Video Format_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a while.  
> First off, we hope everyone is staying safe, WEARING A MASK, socially distancing, and not doing anything stupid. If you're protesting, please do it smartly! Andrew and Seth both posted guides to protesting I'm almost positive on their twitters and I'm almost positive Seth has answered an ask about it a couple of months ago. Nonetheless, we really hope you guys are taking care of yourselves!  
> Alright with all that being said, finally here is an itsy bitsy chapter. For those of you that are reading this in the way future or are reading this all at once - you can absolutely skip this chapter. This is more for the people who are reading along with our posting. We thought it would be a good idea to remind everyone what's happened in season 2 so far as it pertains to the case, because we know that we started to forget some details here and there. The next chapter will pick right up where we left off though in the last actual update chapter! Though if you are reading it all at once, you can skip to the [ REDACTED ] parts, just to see some sweet fluff if you'd like. But we really do advise read this as a whole! It's pretty short and just gives you a good refresher, along with some new info. 
> 
> We are.. so excited to finally jump back in. We think we've figured out how we're gonna handle quarantine and such. So reality as it relates to the real world will start to bend, because we really cant keep them in one place anymore. We gotta get them moving, so we're gonna do it in a safe way, but there's no way they'd sit at home any longer. Especially not during BLM, during this case and the protests and the literal second Civil Rights movement. So hopefully things will start picking up again and get excited!!!
> 
> Okay, triggers:
> 
> Nothing that we haven't covered before. All the information in relation to the case is brief and if you've made it through the other chapters, you'll make it through this one. 
> 
> Also! We've posted what the office and information wall looks like between the windows! We'll post more detail shots once bloodydamnit (me) gets the time. 
> 
> Anyway, ON TO THE CHAPTER!

**[ REDACTED / SAVED ]**

“I swear to god if you don’t get that camera out of my face.”

Neil grinned from behind the lens, pointing the camera at Andrew. He was cooking dinner, sleeves pushed up so the corded muscle of his forearms showed. Neil made sure not to get them in the shot since he wasn’t wearing his bands. 

“Come on, Drew. Just showing the listeners your... domestic side.”

Andrew flicked off the camera, not looking up from the pan of stir-fry. His long hair fell in a curtain in front of his face and Neil reached over to brush it back behind his ear, camera still rolling. He could see him trying not to smile. 

“Andrew does all the cooking.” 

“That’s because when Neil tries to cook, he ruins my good pots.”

Neil turned the camera around to point at himself. “I did that on purpose so he wouldn’t ask me to cook.”

* * *

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“Okay.”

They were in the office. Gray light filtered through the two windows where rain pattered against the panes. It set the mood for the shot, unintentionally so, but neither Andrew nor Neil had the mind to think of that at the moment. 

“This is where we keep track of everything,” Andrew said, holding the camera and pointing it at the wall of evidence they’d collected over the course of this investigation. Neil was in the shot, wearing a pair of light gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt with his bands. They probably should’ve thought of dressing for a video that was going to be seen by an obscene amount of people, but that seemed just as small as the rainy day when compared to what they were here to talk about. 

“So, you can see we have a big map here of Newark, up to New York,” Andrew explained and Neil pointed to the map, then with his finger followed each line branching off from points where the victims had been found, to their pictures. “These are the girls...” Andrew zoomed in and panned over each one slowly so the viewers could see their faces. With each photograph, there were small notes beside them with bios and descriptions detailing their story. Andrew explained, “We have them near where they were found with the red string pointing to the location and blue string pointing to where they were taken. Names, dates, and circumstances are under each one.”

He then moved over to their timeline. “And our timeline of events. We’re going to go over all of this when we start recording, but we just want to show you our base of operations now that we’re stuck inside the house.” Rather than running horizontally, the timeline stretched vertically to provide more room for photographic evidence they’d gathered, printed emails of tips, real estate ads, and the like. The timeline itself started in 1994 but left room for the possibility that their ‘Steven’ was committing crimes earlier than that. “We try to visit all of this at least once a day to attempt to see if there are any connections we may not have noticed before.”

“And that’s where we’re going to start,” Neil said, looking at the wall in contemplation. Andrew focused the camera on him. He looked like a painting - one hip resting against the desk, arms crossed over his chest, and a tiny crease in his brow. The rain outside softly filled the background with its noise, and the gray light was bright enough to almost halo Neil in a gentle haze. It lit his hair from behind, the auburn warming up a space that was typically reserved for darkness in all manner of thought. He looked to Andrew and gave him a small smile. 

Andrew smiled back from behind the lens and turned the camera off. 

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

* * *

**[ RECORD ON ]**

Neil turned the camera on and sat back in his chair near Andrew’s. With the help of Matt’s borrowed truck, the majority of their day had been spent figuring out the optics of rearranging the office to fit their big chairs that they’d rescued from the studio. Neil liked that day because it involved a very strong and very sweaty Andrew, with the added bonus of a shit ton of creative cursing. 

Both chairs were in their place now. They’d moved their desks out of the way so the chairs sat between the windows with their evidence wall acting as a backdrop. 

Andrew cleared his throat. “This is day one of our recording,” he told the camera. King jumped into his lap and settled there. He stroked her head as he continued. “We’re going to break this up over a few days, just because it’s so much information to recap and we’d be in here talking for hours. So, today we’re going to go over what we know so far and what we’ve talked about in the first two episodes. I know you’ve all heard it before, so we’ll try to keep it succinct.”

“Let’s go over the girls first, just to give everyone a refresher,” Neil said. He had an iPad in his lap with all their notes. At this point though, he probably didn’t even need it. He’d read this information so many times, it was practically drilled into his head. 

“The first victim we can confidently tie to Steven is eight year old Alyssa Harris. She went missing in 1994 from Forest Hill, Newark. The only person mentioned in any of the reports as, quote, ‘out of place’, was a man in a Yankees baseball cap.”  
  
“Which is to say... not out of place at all... Generally.” Andrew commented and Neil nodded in agreement. Which was a benefit of a visual medium. Extra words weren’t needed. 

Neil continued, “Alyssa was found near the Passaic River and it’s estimated she was held captive by Steven for about a week before she was killed.”

Andrew looked down at his own tablet, nodding. “I said generally before because seeing a white man in a Yankees cap in and around New Jersey and New York is _not_ unexpected in the slightest. I would be shocked _not_ to find _at least_ one man sporting Yankee memorabilia on each street corner in Manhattan. With that being said this alleged, ‘man in the cap’ shows up in more than one of these disappearances. The next time he was spotted was a year later in January 1995, when 7 year old Tamika brown was taken while on a field trip to the Bronx Zoo. The man in Yankees cap was spotted but was never tracked down to be questioned. Tamika was found dead one week later.”

“The next victim,” Neil inhaled deeply, picking up Sir from where she was rubbing against his leg, “was 8 year old Imani Williams. She was taken in February 1995 from East Harlem. Evidence suggests she was only kept for a few days.” He looked at Andrew to continue.

“June 1995, 6 year old Nia Jones was taken while on vacation with her family at the Jersey Shore. Again, a man in a baseball cap was seen, but not questioned. From there, we don’t see another missing child connected to Steven until December of 1995, when 7 year old Makenna Taylor was taken from Lincoln Park while walking to school. That’s when the man in the cap makes another appearance.”

“Makenna, unlike the other girls, was found out of state. Her body was recovered in the Adirondacks of upstate New York. You’ll remember we interviewed the man that found her that day. We’ll post links to all of this if you need a refresher,” Neil said. “But, here’s a bit of a leap in the timeline here, when three years later, 6 year old Sofia Garcia went missing in September 1998. She was taken from her front yard and found seven months later. Once again, like Makenna, her body was recovered out of state in Nockamixon State Park, Pennsylvania.”

Andrew shifted restlessly in his seat before he inhaled a deep breath, blinked a few times in quick succession, and picked up from Neil. “From there, we see another girl taken from the Jersey Shore. 7 year old Amira Haidar went missing in July of 1999. Amira’s mother claimed to have seen a man in a baseball cap following their family throughout the day.” He paused, pressing his lips together. After a moment, he finished, “Her body wasn’t found until two years later in 2001.”

Neil stretched one of his feet over to Andrew’s chair and poked his leg gently with his toe. Andrew glanced up at him but ultimately nodded for Neil to continue.  
  
So he did. 

“Victim number eight you’ve all gotten to know over these last few months. Our own Robin Cross. Robin was taken when she was five years old in September of 2006. She was held captive by Steven for six years until she was caught trying to lure another girl after being forced by Steven to help him. She’s the only known survivor. We did an interview with Robin, which we’ll also link with this video, just in case you want to see the whole thing.” Neil squeezed his tablet a bit, remembering that interview - remembering how Andrew pushed through the entire thing. Neil, too, pressed his lips together and looked up at his partner stroking King’s fur in his lap. “Later on, we’ll discuss it a bit more through.” 

Andrew nodded and lifted his head to speak of the last two known victims. “The number 9 of our Newark Nine is Zoe Perez. She was taken in August 2015 from Newark - from the very same playground Robin was taken from. She washed up on the banks of the Passaic in July of 2019.” He clicked off his tablet almost with finality, before looking up at the camera. “6 year old Haylie Clark went missing on New Year’s Eve of this year, from Grand Central Station in Manhattan. She’s the focus of our investigation now. Our main goal. We want to find her _safe_ and bring her home. Unfortunately, it’s taken us a lot longer than we would’ve liked. Longer than I expected.”

Neil dropped his foot on Andrew’s chair and reached over to squeeze his arm instead. “Let’s take a break.”

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

* * *

**[ REDACTED / SAVED ]**

“So, I want to show you guys,” Neil whispered to the camera, walking quietly upstairs, “how Andrew has been obsessively working out since we’ve been in quarantine. Like, he went online and ordered this thing to put in the doorway...”

He turned the camera around to show Andrew, doing quick pull-ups on a bar that hooked to the top of the door frame. He wore the same black track pants he wore when he ran into Neil at the doughnut cart and a sleeveless shirt. His hair was atop his head in a bun with strands hanging about his face, and his armbands were in place from when they were filming earlier. His shirt, already too short, rode up just enough to show a hint of abs poking through. He had no idea Neil was there until he spoke. 

“Do you see? What I have to deal with...?” Neil scoffed and gestured up at Andrew in the view of the shot. “I have to look at this every day and pretend it’s just fine and okay that his abs are in front of my face and his biceps are all fucking... bicepy...”

Andrew stopped what he was doing and dropped down from the bar, panting slightly. His brows were furrowed and chin pulled back as he squinted, “Bicepy?”

“ _Yes_. Think about someone else for a change,” Neil exclaimed from behind the camera. 

A light sparked in Andrew’s eye as he nodded slowly, “You’re right...” He walked closer, corner of his lip lifted just so. “I’ll never work out where you can see me again.”

“Woah. Hold on, way to take things too far- Hey, don’t you’re all sweaty -”

Andrew put a hand in front of the lens and pulled Neil close, kissing him soundly and moving him slowly until he placed the camera, making sure it was off, onto the closest surface he could reach. 

* * *

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“We mentioned before our break that we were going to talk to Robin. She agreed to let us call her to have her on.” Andrew pulled out his phone, pressing Robin’s name and put it on speaker. He set his phone on the low table in front of them and pulled his legs up into the chair, criss-cross-applesauce.

“If anyone is wondering about Andrew’s costume change,” Neil said as the phone rang, pointing out Andrew’s sweatpants and tank top, “he was working out earlier and refused to change back into regular clothes.” 

Andrew shrugged, adjusting one of his armbands at his wrist. “This is isolation, Neil. There are no rules.”

_‘No rules for what?’_

Robin had picked up the phone and sounded amused.

“Isolation,” Andrew said.

_‘There are no rules for isolation. Except for singing first thing in the morning. That’s not allowed.’_

Neil winced. “Matt?”

_‘Matt.’_

Andrew grinned a little. Poor Robin. He was glad she had someone to say with when all hell broke loose instead of having to go back to New York, but he couldn’t imagine having to live in the same house as Matt Boyd. 

With Dan. 

He knew what they were like in the office and for christ’s sake, he only hoped they put a lid on it when Robin was around. 

“Yeah, as I recall he has a penchant for singing Bob Marley and Lauryn Hill while he makes breakfast. I know your pain.”

 _‘Ah, someone who understands,’_ Robin laughed. ‘ _No, seriously, he and Dan are the absolute best and I’ll take the singing if it means I get to talk exy with Matt Boyd any time I want.’_

“I can’t argue with that.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Okay, junkies. Let’s move on,” he tapped the passcode on his iPad and scrolled until he found what he was looking for. “Robin,” he started, “we just got done going through all the girls, just giving everyone a refresher of the timeline. Now we want to talk about you for a bit, about your interview.”

‘ _Okay._ ’ She sounded ready. Sure.

Andrew was glad for it. The fire that she had during the investigation pre-pandemic had only intensified. Her confidence was honestly reassuring. Inspiring. 

“We’d talked about a lot of things,” Neil said. “Among which were the house Steven took you to, the fact that you thought he might’ve had dinner parties and the fact that he said he’d been married, but he wasn’t anymore. We’ve been looking at all of this, as you know, but is there anything you personally think is really telling from anything else we’ve uncovered?”

Robin inhaled a deep breath. _‘I don’t think there’s one thing by itself, but I think when you put everything together it kind of paints a picture. He lived in a big house, he had guests often, I saw him in suits a lot. He was obviously well off - obviously well known.”_

“Someone people know.”

_‘Yes. Which is why I think someone out there has to know something. He hasn’t been getting away with this on his own for so long.’_

“We mentioned during that interview about possibly doing a composite sketch. You said then that you weren’t ready. Do you feel ready now?” Andrew asked.

There was barely even a pause before Robin answered, ‘ _I do. I appreciate you guys giving me time, but it has to be done. I don’t know how we’ll be able to set it up right now, with how everything is... but I think we should do it.’_

Neil glanced up at him and Andrew looked right back, before looking looking down at the phone with a nod that she couldn’t see. “We’ll find a way,” he told her. “Tell us what life’s been like for you since you’ve been involved in this? Pre-quarantine, how was being on campus been?”

Robin sighed, ‘ _Honestly? Sometimes awful, but mostly great. I think people are curious, which, whatever I guess. But for any of those people listening, asking super invasive questions isn’t cool. I had a guy ask me one time if I had a thing for older guys now and -’_

“Why am I just now hearing about this?” Andrew asked. He put his feet back on the floor and leaned forward, brows furrowed and a wave of protectiveness washing quickly over him. It was the same feeling he felt for the other foxes, for Seth when the feds came into their hospital room last year, for Kevin when his worry for the Moriyama’s grew, for Bee and Nicky and Aaron and the girls and everyone in his circle.

_For Neil._

And he knew that sometimes he had an issue with containing it. But sometimes it just came out and this was one of those moments. “Name?” he asked, thumb instinctively moving to his pinky to crack. He was furious because how fucking stupid can people be? No, he knew how stupid they were. It still astounded him though how incredibly tone deaf and insensitive people could be about shit and -

Robin sighed again, _‘There’s no point, Andrew. I didn’t tell anyone because I knew every single one of you on the team would’ve made it your mission to ruin this guy.’_

Andrew grunted. Neil replied for him, “You’re right. We would’ve,” he said. “Because people like that shouldn’t be allowed to spew ignorant-”

‘ _I know. I know. I agree. But believe it or not, I took care of it myself. I just calmly explained to him that using someone’s trauma as a joke makes him look ignorant and stupid. That the girl he was trying to impress thought he was a jerk and she agreed. We all moved on.’_

That anger within him was still there, but Andrew couldn’t stop the small smile that lifted his lips as he shook his head. Looking to Neil, he said to Robin as he angled his body slightly towards the phone, “I’m sorry, we don’t mean to underestimate you. Of course you can take care of yourself. We just can't help but feel protective of you.” He shrugged to no one in particular. “I imagine Dan would’ve demanded his expulsion and his balls in a box.”

Robin laughed and suddenly, Andrew felt stupid. While he was absolutely protective by nature, it was also toxic at times like with Aaron. It’d nearly got him thrown in prison with Nicky. Death had a boot on his neck with Neil. He needed to walk a fine line with Robin, he knew. She needed to feel empowered - not coddled. 

_‘I’m sure she would’ve. You guys really are like family to me. It’s like I’ve inherited a group of siblings all of a sudden.’_

“I apologize for Seth.”

_‘Don’t, he’s my favorite.’_

Neil laughed and Andrew gasped, mock offended.

_‘Kidding! Kidding! Don’t include that, Matt would never forgive me.’_

Andrew rolled his eyes in good humor, “Alright. Back on topic here.” He referred back down to his notes. “Since we’ve gained some more insight into Steven and found some new evidence, is there anything else you’ve thought about? A connection you might’ve made?”

 _‘Nothing solid, yet,’_ Robin admitted. ‘ _But I really do feel like there’s something just right there at the edges. And you guys are doing a great job. Really,’_ she added. ‘ _I know you feel like this is taking too long, and trust me, I get it. But you’ve done more than the cops have. That’s something.’_

“It’s something,” Andrew agreed. Neil nudged his calf with a toe again. “Thanks for calling Robin. We’ll give you an update as soon as we have one.”

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

* * *

**[ REDACTED / SAVED ]**

Neil was asleep on the couch. 

They’d stayed up late initially to go over what they would film for the next day but ended up talking about everything and nothing instead. This tended to happen a lot. Even last night, when they went to bed well after 2 AM, they talked. Andrew thought it might’ve been because everything was easier to say in the quiet dark. They couldn’t see each other, so they just lay there, Neil curved around Andrew’s back and Andrew wondering how the hell he’d ended up feeling so safe with someone wrapped around him like that. He fell asleep to Neil’s voice in his ear and his breath on his neck and didn’t dream at all. 

Apparently, the night had caught up with Neil. He was passed out on his stomach, face smushed into the cushion of the couch and mouth slightly open. Andrew really hated him sometimes for making him think words like

~~_Adorable._ ~~

He pointed the camera at him because _payback._

“Neil’s sleepy,” he said to no one. “He stayed up too late... So irresponsible.”

Neil pressed his formerly open lips together, trying to hide a smile. He lifted an arm to flick Andrew off. 

“S’your fault,” he mumbled, turning his face away from Andrew. 

Andrew made his way over to him, sitting on the edge of the couch and pushed his hair back from his face with the camera still rolling. “Blame shifter.”

“You made me talk about how wonderful you are for hours.”

Andrew flicked his forehead. “Liar. Get up we have filming to do.”

Neil grabbed his arm and pulled him down instead.

* * *

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“Today,” Andrew started, “we’re going to talk about Haylie Clark.” He cleared his throat and a line appeared between his brows as he looked down at his notes. 

Neil was proud of him. He’d been doing so well during this isolation - still meeting with his therapist regularly, voicing when he was feeling anxious, and after only minimal begging, even joining Neil in trying yoga in the backyard. 

But all of that didn’t mean he still didn’t feel this. It didn’t mean that Neil didn’t have to put a gentle hand on his shoulder sometimes and say, _‘Hey... You need to take a break, Drew.’_ He knew Haylie was constantly on his mind. 

She was on both their minds. 

“As you know,” Andrew pushed on, “Haylie was taken from Grand Central Station shortly after midnight on January 1st. We were in New York when it took place, and I’d woken up to a text from Robin telling me to watch the news. She said that she believed the CCTV frame the media put out was of Steven. We, of course, believed her.”

“Steven went against his usual MO here, which made me, at least, initially question if it was him. For example, Haylie is white and we’ve never seen any indication that he’d taken a child who was not a POC. Robin, however, was certain. So we were, too.” Neil added. 

“We met with the agent in charge of her case at the NYPD’s SVU. We told him we had information and that _we_ thought we were looking for the same person. In return,” Andrew looked up at the camera, “he told us to fuck off.”

Neil made a ‘pfft’ sound before laughing, “He did not.”

“Not in so many words,” Andrew rolled his eyes. “But that’s what it felt like. As a result, we went straight to Reynold’s Greenwich apartment where the team was gathered to have a meeting. It was quickly decided that we would split up to look for evidence. Matt and Seth took on Penn Station and found answers in the form of a Magnolia Bakery employee.”

Neil reached over to the low table before them and picked up his tablet to pull up the notes. Once they were ready, he continued, “He told Andrew that a man came in with a girl matching Haylie’s description. She was asleep and he bought a Christmas cupcake.”

“We knew we had him,” Andrew addressed the camera again and more importantly, the listeners directly. They’d felt so close then, and yet they were still so, so far. “We looked around the station to see if we could find anything else, and that’s when we found a pair of purple children’s glasses that matched Haylie’s.” Andrew stopped to chew at his lip ring for a moment. Neil let him gather his thoughts. It took a good few moments before he looked up at Neil and said, “I think about that a lot, you know.”

“What?”

“She doesn’t have her glasses. What’s that like for her? I don’t know how bad her eyesight is, but if it’s bad enough... can you imagine?”

Neil’s stomach dropped. ~~_I don’t want to._ ~~He’d never needed glasses, so he didn’t know like Andrew probably did. But imagining the terror she must’ve been already, then to add onto it feeling compounded without even being able to see her surroundings clearly. He shook his head at his lap. “I can’t imagine,” Neil said quietly.

Andrew took a deep breath, seeming to shake himself before continuing, “We used our time in New York to visit some of the places the other girls were found. This lent nothing to the investigation itself, but we still felt like it was important to us as the people searching for answers.”

“I think, at the very least, it reminded us of why we were doing this. It’s really easy to separate yourself sometimes when it’s not in front of you. And that’s part of why we’re doing this. It’s also easy to forget about these girls when it seems like no one else cares.”

Andrew reached a hand over, almost absently, and squeezed Neil’s arm as if to thank him for saying it. 

He took his arm back and continued. “While we were in New York we also got an email from a listener named Liz. She said she saw someone matching Steven’s description at a gas station in Philly. We followed the lead and were able to view some security footage of Steven inside the Quick-Mart, purchasing a random assortment of items.”

Neil couldn’t help a tiny smile. “And with some assistance from a very helpful young man.” He watched Andrew’s lips twitch. “Initially we thought he might’ve had a safehouse out there. The items he bought were a lighter, a switchblade, cigarettes, and a map. Put these together and they seem like pretty legit kidnapper items. However, the more we thought about it, the less it made sense. Why those items? Why walk in dressed in black with a hat and looking incredibly conspicuous? Then, we thought maybe he was trying to throw us off the trail. He knew we were looking.”

“Exactly,” Andrew said, gesturing towards Neil. “He was fucking with us. And our hunch was confirmed when we received _the email_.”

Neil watched Andrew speak and couldn’t help but remember him sitting on the edge of the bed in Kevin’s guest room. Both of them were hurting, neither of them acknowledging it as Andrew showed him the email. He’d left his hoodie on the bed on purpose. 

Neil still wore it all the time. 

“I know it by heart,” Andrew murmured, looking to his tablet. “But I’m still going to pull it up to make sure I’m getting this right.” He inhaled a deep breath and paused for half a second before he began, _“‘You boys were right. Hiding in plain sight is the way to go. However I must admit, I feel a little bad at how poorly you’re doing in trying to find me, so I’ll give you a hint. The warmer you get, the colder you are. Best of luck gentlemen. -S’”_

Andrew looked back up at the camera. “We still don’t totally know what this means. But again, he’s fucking with us. And this was the point where we realized we were going to have to question every piece of evidence. Because we’ve concluded that he’s now inserting himself into _our_ investigation.”

“And the cops still don’t give a shit,” Neil said. 

“Nope. Are we surprised?”

Neil sighed. “Not even a little. ACAB.” He raised a fist a bit from the arm of the chair, then carried on as Andrew raised his own. “The email was fucked, but not nearly as fucked as _the phone call_.”

“Ah,” Andrew said, tipping his head back. “ _The Phone Call._ The one piece of fucked up shit I wish we could give back.”

Neil turned towards him in his chair. “Do you really?”

Andrew shrugged. “It’s not like it helped us any, and my freakish memory guarantees I’ll never forget the look on Robin’s face when we got it.” He picked up his phone and pulled up the recording. “We’re going to go ahead and play this for everyone again. We did redact a part of the call in the episode because there are things mentioned that are personal to Robin. Normally, I like to present all the evidence I can, but in this case, I just cant.” He checked to make sure the volume was up before he angled his phone towards the mini-microphone so the audio caught it better. “Here it is.”

 _Steven: Well, now. What kind of investigator are you? It’s me. Your monster. It’s_ **_Steven_ ** _._

_Andrew: What do you want?_

_Steven: Just to chat. I’m so glad you and your beau have gotten back together. You make such a lovely couple. That was my fault, wasn’t it? Too much stress?_

_Andrew: Fuck you._

_Steven: That’s what you have Mr. Josten for, I’m sure. I’m not into boys I’m afraid._

_Andrew: You’re fucking sick, you know? Where’s Haylie?_

_Steven: I’m afraid she’s not Haylie anymore. She’s mine now, you see. I’ve had her for quite a while. I must say, I’m disappointed, but not surprised. I thought you’d make things hard for me. If it makes you feel any better, she’s been well taken care of._

_Andrew: Don’t fucking touch her._

_Steven: I haven’t touched her yet. No, she’s not ready. Soon, though. She’s not my usual flavor, but she’s very sweet. I hope to have her for a long time. By the rate you’re going, it seems like you’re not going to stop me, so I’ll get that chance._

_Andrew: So confident, are you? Hiding in your big house with your friends and your parties. Do they know Steven? Do they know how fucking depraved you are? You should let Haylie go... Let her go and we’ll stop this. We’ll stop looking and drop the whole thing._

_Steven: No, I don’t think I will._

_Neil: Fuck._

_Steven: Is that Mr. Josten I hear? Or should I say Wes-_

Andrew stopped the message. 

He was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “This is what we’re dealing with. No remorse. No conscience. Steven has a sense of entitlement. He believes he deserves these girls after having gotten away with it for so long. If they didn’t catch him then, why should he stop? Admittedly, we thought we’d have him pinned in a couple of months. Stupidly, I had this whole situation in my head where we did the research, caught the bad guy, and brought justice for these girls and Robin. But the reality is, the longer it takes, the more it weighs and sometimes I worry I’m not strong enough to carry it.”

Neil’s heart broke a little. Andrew wasn’t usually this open with the listeners - this off-script. But that phone call always shook them. Neil felt the need to remind him, “That’s why I’m here. To help you carry it.”

Neil could’ve swore Andrew’s cheeks pinked just a little as he pushed a stray piece of hair behind his ear. Andrew cleared his throat, “We sent this call to the police. We felt like we had to because it was the responsible thing to do. We have Steven on tape, admitting to having Haylie in his custody, and the fact of the matter is, the cops could get this done a lot faster than us with the resources they have.”

“Pre-corona. Because that said,” Neil added, “We’ve heard nothing from them now, nor before the lockdown. That isn’t to say they’re not working on this. They very well may be, but I also don’t imagine they’d share their investigation with us anyway. However, I’m also gonna be honest here and say, I don’t think they did anything with it.”

“Of course they didn’t. They’re too busy brutalizing protesters.”

“ACAB.”

Andrew sighed, “ACAB.” He sat a little straighter in his chair and carried on, “As for us, we took this audio apart. Well, Seth took it apart because he’s the only one in the studio that can.”

“He’s the only one in the studio that can do a lot of shit,” Neil laughed. 

“True,” Andrew pointed at Neil. “He took it apart for us and we were able to isolate a bit of noise that was in the background that we weren’t initially able to hear.” He pulled out his phone again. “Here’s that,” he hit play. 

_‘-bank robbery thwarted by police. This and more coming up at 8PM on News 12, New Jersey.’_

He stopped the recording from repeating. “So, this tells us he’s in Newark or at least in New Jersey, and it convinces us even more that he was fucking with us with the whole gas station trip. At this point, we were feeling desperate. We had all these pieces, but nowhere to put them - no order that would suddenly give us a break. That is until we got an actual break.”

Neil picked it up naturally from Andrew, just like Andrew knew he would, “Our break came in the form of an email from a listener. Andrew got it one night and I’ll never forget the look on his face when he read it. I thought something terrible had happened, but it turns out the universe threw us a bone for once. See, that listener gave us something important that we’d been searching for, but hadn’t been able to find.”

“A name,” Andrew said quietly. “We finally had a name.”

“Phillip Hull.”

Andrew nodded, “Phillip Hull was spotted by this listener and her partner around the time Steven had Robin. Robin was also able to confirm the events of the email for us and we just ran with it. Phillip Hull, listeners. That’s the name we’ve been working with.”

“We took that name and started to deep dive into houses. We probably searched through every real estate website America has to offer. And we didn’t just search the homes in Newark that we’d previously been looking at, but all over the east coast, trying to find a connection.” Neil reached over to the table and held up a thick stack of papers to the camera of houses they’d looked into. “We found a few, but the problem was that we really had no way of knowing which ones were _our_ Phillip Hull.”

“Until we did,” Andrew said. 

“Until we did.” Neil nodded. “We can’t get into specifics on how we know this house in particular is connected. But, suffice it to say it would bring on a headache for a lot of people. We found it though and we followed it. With the help of a realtor, we were able to look at the house and with a little more digging, we got another break.”

“It turns out Phillip Hull, _Steven_ , is a realtor,” Andrew said grimly. “Which really makes a lot of sense. Big house, parties suggesting he’s known in the community, plenty of funds, and friends in high places that we _know_ he has. Again, it’s more trouble than it’s worth to get into details right here in this video format, but we have reason to believe he’s been and _is being_ protected.”

“ _Protected_ and _connected_ ,” Neil pointed out. “So we dug deeper still. We knew now that there was this connection and through that, we made an even bigger discovery - one we can’t mention here quite yet.”

“Which I hate,” Andrew sighed. “Normally I’d want to lay it all out. Be completely transparent. But I’m going to have to ask you all to trust that we know this info to be reliable. And that this _info_ is another name... One we think will lead us even further into figuring this out if it ends up being true.”

“So...” Neil clicked off his ipad, leaned back in his chair, and looked up to Andrew, “that’s basically your recap.” He turned his head to the camera. “We’re now zoned in on this new lead and we’ll share it with you as soon as we’re able.”

“Until then, keep searching.”

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

* * *

**[ REDACTED / SAVED ]**

It was a new day. The sun hadn’t reached its apex in the sky, but it nonetheless cast its light throughout the room in large beaming swaths of warmth. 

Neil found Andrew in the window seat of their living room where he liked to read. He looked so calm here, back against one of the bookshelves and legs crossed, a well-worn book held in his hands. Neil had seen it, of course. He’d unpacked it at their old apartment, packed it back up, and unpacked it again in their new house (Andrew loved books but had no idea where to put them and bookshelves were optional apparently). 

_I love watching him read._

Andrew would curl in on himself and sometimes, like now, he’d get this little line between his brows. 

Neil picked up the camera from the coffee table and turned it on his partner. He didn’t really know why. He knew none of these little moments would make it onto the video... But he thought maybe they could keep them. 

“Whacha reading?”

Andrew’s head snapped up, startled. His short ponytail swung with the movement, and he rolled his eyes when he saw the camera in Neil’s hands. 

“Crush by Richard Siken. Poetry.”

Neil laughed. “Poetry, huh? Man, you’re so cool and emo.”

Andrew flipped a page, eyes still moving. “How do you know it’s not happy poetry?”

“There’s happy poetry?”

“Mmmmm.”

“Well? Is it happy?”

Andrew’s lips twitched. “Not particularly.”

“Anything good?”

Andrew looked up at him again, then back down at the book. “There’s one in here that reminds me of you.”

Neil grinned behind the camera. “Ooooh, do tell.”

Andrew flipped a few pages and read.

_“‘We still groped for each other on the backstairs or in parked cars_

_as the road around us_

_grew glossy with ice and our breath softened the view through the glass_

_already laced with frost,_

_but more frequently I was finding myself sleepless, and he was running out of_

_lullabies._

_But damn if there isn’t anything sexier_

_than a slender boy with a handgun,_

_a fast car, a bottle of pills.’_ ”

Neil could feel the smile slip from his lips and he looked at Andrew, forgetting he was holding the camera. “Reminds you of me...?”

“Yeah,” Andrew murmured. He closed the book and set it aside. “Come here.”

Neil didn’t need to be told twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funfact: Jeni read that poem and sent it to me like 'canon this is going in' and i was like um duh fuck yeah it is like come on!??!  
> And all the moments that Neil/Andrew were recording under [ REDACTED/SAVED ] Seth saved for them ^^
> 
> We hope you've liked this little recap. We also have a transcript!!! So if you want to play along on the page, all the information on the transcript and in between the [ON/OFF]'s is what you, the listeners/audience knows!
> 
> Thank you so much everyone for putting up with this long wait and being nothing but encouraging. It seriously means a lot. I think we lost steam a bit but seeing all the new readers and followers has us really, really excited! And fuck are we excited for next chapter. ON TO THE BIG BOYS AGAIN!!!!!! Bear with us as we get it out but don't forget you can go interact with the tumblr! It's been so much fun lately interacting with everyone! Neil's storytimes have Jeni absolutely thriving and I'm fuckin living reading them. 
> 
> So don't forget to check out our socials!!!!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> You can find the transcript and office [HERE](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/624304265660432384/season-2-recap-video-transcriptheres-an-update) !
> 
> Kudos and comments are ALWAYS APPRECIATED! Thank you thank you thank you everyone for sticking with us. Seriously we love yall so much!!!!!
> 
> ALSO!! IT WAS JENI182'S BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY SO YALL BETTER WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN THE COMMENTS OR HER TUMBLR [HERE](https://jeni182.tumblr.com/) !!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SOULMATE!!!!
> 
> Stay safe, WEAR YOUR MASKS, wash your hands, social distance, fuck Trump, and ACAB!


	14. Audio Notes #5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The boys check out two new leads._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE BACK BB!
> 
> Holy wow it feels good to be back??? We're going to try to get back to our old schedule of every other Sunday! So, hi everyone, we MISSED YOU!
> 
> We really, really love this chapter. It was fun to dive back into the case and get them back on a solid trajectory. So hopefully yall are excited too and enjoy this chapter as much as we did!!! Some fun things happen ^^
> 
> Alright, triggers!  
> Nothing out of the ordinary here. Our usual triggers apply, including the usage of words pertaining to Steven and his actions/crimes against children. It's referenced a few times, but in no detail whatsoever. Just a mention. 
> 
> I honestly think that's it????
> 
> We hope you enjoy!!!

Andrew didn’t  _ do _ parties. Certainly not parties at his home. His sanctuary. His bubble. 

He didn’t like company or people and newsflash, people are, in fact, considered company. 

Only  _ apparently _ he did. Because he sat in a plastic chair in his backyard with Nei’s feet in his lap, listening to Robin talk about how her parents are faring in New York. But it wasn’t just her. The entire team was there - all in masks and socially distancing from people they didn’t live with, and despite the precautions, it felt... comfortable. 

~~_Ugh._ ~~

“So my mom is obviously like... not leaving the house at all. She makes my dad do it all. They’re both able to work remotely, thank goodness, but yeah... They’re glad I was able to stay put. They don’t want me on a plane right now.”

“I don’t blame them,” Neil said, the sun setting above them and washing the sky in golden and blue hues. It made his hair look redder, skin richer, eyes deeper blue. 

“And you’re staying with me and Dan!” Matt yelled from the grill, megawatt grin shining. “We’re the best influences!”

Robin laughed, “I’m just glad they don’t have social media or even know how to work it. I don’t know how they’d feel about me being at the protests. Might not think you’re such a great role model then.” She grinned at Matt and he stuck his tongue out at her. 

The whole team had been part of the PSU protests that Dan had organized in conjunction with the leaders of the BSU. They’d gone to the Columbia protest as well, and Seth and Dion and been to every protest they were physically able to get to. Didn’t matter if it was in state or out of it. 

“Who’s a role model?” Dan asked, sitting next to Robin in the grass with a plate of fruit. 

“You,” Robin said, bumping Dan’s shoulder with her own. “We were just talking about how my parents probably wouldn’t be cool with me going to the protests. But I’m actually glad I have you as a role model with that. It feels good to stand up for something, especially when I felt like I was a part of nothing for so long. My parents were more concerned with keeping me in a bubble.”

“Well I hate that it had to happen this way, but I’m glad you feel the community,” Dan winked at her and they started talking about something else when Neil nudged him with a toe. 

“You good?” he asked quietly. 

Andrew signed and squeezed Neil’s ankle. He knew social things like this took its toll, but he was, surprisingly, good. The thing about social distancing and quarantine is that it’s great for an introvert in the beginning. And Andrew didn’t really mind at all. But even he could admit that he missed the noise of the studio every once in a while. 

_ Having Neil helps. _

“I’m good. I’ll be better once I know Boyd and Seth aren’t going to burn down my backyard.” 

He looked over to see the men in question goofing around, Boyd holding a pair of tongs and clicking them at Seth. “Six feet apart, homie!” Matt said, stretching his long arm out. “Don’t want your cooties!”

Seth gasped dramatically and put a hand to his chest. “That’s low bro... Especially when I’d be honored to have your cooties.”

Dion cackled and Dan yelled, “Get off my man, Seth!”

“Never!” Seth yelled before Dion pulled him onto his lap.

“There are baby bunnies in a nest not far from that grill, quit fucking around!” Neil told them, finger pointing accusingly. 

Once they all had a burger or hotdog in hand, they sat in a loose circle - close enough to hear, but far enough away that they were still safe with their masks off for eating. 

“Alright Andreil,” Brianna said, food in her lap and Kevin by her side, “What’s the sitch?”

“Bum bum ba dum,” Seth automatically said around a mouthful of burger in the Kim Possible ring tone.

Andrew rolled his eyes and Neil snorted, “Alright Kevanna.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Kevanna? Everyone knows our ship name is Brevin, fuck outta here.”

“Anyway,” Neil quickly cut off Andrew’s retort, “We’ve been doing what research we can, but we need your help.”

“Our help?” asked Renee. 

“Well… Matt’s help.”

Matt groaned. 

They’d filled the team in on James Hodges and what they’d found. But the fact of the matter is, it could mean absolutely nothing. James was a big wig realtor and did business with people all over New York and New Jersey - including Matt. And because of that, when Neil had told Matt their suspicions, he was skeptical. 

“Just listen,” Andrew said. “We could solve this in a second if we were able to find a picture of James, but there are none. Zero. How is it possible that a high power realtor has no pictures online anywhere?” It was the first thing they’d done. They described him to Robin and he matched the description, but so did a million other average looking white guys.  _ ‘Pale brunette with white teeth, straight nose, no facial hair, about 40-50,’  _ literally only got you so far. 

Matt shrugged. “Maybe he’s shy?” Andrew huffed. He knew this reluctance was probably more due to Boyd’s guilt that he’d unknowingly been giving business to a potential serial child rapist/killer. 

“Or, maybe he’s hiding,” Neil added. “All we’re asking is for you to contact your father. You said he’s done a lot of business with James? Attended parties and shit?”

Matt nodded, but he looked vaguely sick. 

“Just ask if he has any pictures from those parties.”

With a sigh, Matt agreed, “I can do that.”

Andrew directed his attention to Robin now. “Are you ready to meet with the artist to do the composite sketch?” He asked her. She pressed her lips together and nodded. “Okay. We’ll try to get someone in here as soon as we can. I don’t know when that’ll be with everything going on, but we’ll aim for asap. Until then, we’re trying to find properties owned by James. He probably has a few in the New York area.”

“Do you think they’d be in his name?” Reynolds asked. She was sitting on the deck, leaning back on her hands and soaking up the very last dregs of the sinking sun in her short denim shorts and a black tank top.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Andrew responded. “But it’d be stupid not to look.”

They were also going to put in a call to Ichirou, but they didn’t say that out loud yet. He and Neil had already tried, but the bastard was being stubbornly hard to get a hold of and was refusing to return their calls. 

They talked a bit more about what was next until the lightning bugs began to make an appearance. They spent time answering asks on the website, letting everyone have a turn, and even though he was  **_begrudgingly_ ** having an  _ okay _ time, Andrew would be glad when his house was quiet and he could go to bed with Neil. 

Eventually, everyone started to trickle out with leftovers and pouts at the inability to hug (namely: Seth and Matt). Renee pulled Andrew aside before she left with Allison. “Let us know if you two need anything, okay?” Andrew nodded and she studied him, her eyes lingering on the hair brushing his shoulders. “Alli was really impressed, you know.”

“With?”

“That you and Neil came to the protests.”

Andrew raised a brow at her. “Why would that impress her? Why wouldn’t we go?”

Renee shrugged and glanced over her shoulder at Reynolds, before back at him. “You’d be surprised how many white friends she’d had that refused to even acknowledge what’s happening. She knew you cared because of what you’re doing here and everything... but I think this just cemented to her that it’s not performative. So, thanks for that. I’m glad the members of our team feel supported.”

Andrew didn’t really know what to say. He was trying real hard not to feel insulted, but he knew insult was a privilege. So instead he just kept his brow raised because what would do? A, ‘you’re welcome’? For basic human decency?

Instead, he asked the one question that had been festering beneath his skin for the past few months. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

He thought she was smiling behind her mask, but her eyes looked sad. “Yes.”

“When?”

“Not until all of this is over... The pandemic - the season. Miami is a nightmare right now and it’s smarter to stay here, but eventually, yes.” She sighed, “It just makes the most sense. I can get a job anywhere. Allison’s entire operation is in Miami.”

_ Allison’s operation can go fuck itself, honestly. _

“Dion moved here for Seth.” He knew was being petty. 

_ I don’t care. _

“Dion was not the CEO of the company. He had that freedom. He’s talking about starting his own party planning company, you know.”

Andrew just shrugged. He knew. Of course he fucking knew. It was all he and Seth talked about while Dion waved that hand with the shiny new diamond around like it was attached to a fuckin’ string.  _ Party planning _ and  _ weddings _ and  _ babies _ . That’s all those two could think about. 

“I’ll come visit, I promise.”

“No you won’t.” Andrew shook his head, feeling the frown pull at the corners of his lips but he beat it back. He  _ knew _ she had to go. He was just being an asshole hypocrite because if roles were reversed, he’d be by Neil’s side so incredibly fast. And because of that he couldn’t help but think about when he’d brought Neil back to Palmetto... When they were camped out in the lounge of TFN and Andrew had whispered a confession to her as everyone else slept around them. 

_ “What about you?” Renee asked and her eyes flicked over Andrew to where Neil lay beside him.  _

_ “What about me?” he asked dumbly.  _

_ Renee just raised a brow and Andrew rubbed his eyes. His glasses were on the table and he strained to see in the darkness. When he dropped his hands, Renee was still looking at him expectantly. Andrew didn’t see the point in denying anything to her. She always knew.  _

_ So, he told the truth.  _

_ “I like him,” he whispered.  _

_ “I know you do. _

“I will,” Renee said. “You know you can trust me.”

_ I know. _

“I know.”

* * *

They’d been scouring property records for a while and hadn’t been able to connect any other properties to both James and the Moriyamas, but that didn’t really mean much. What Neil really needed was Ichirou to return his calls. 

“Just call Stuart and have him put the pressure on,” Andrew said. Sitting at his desk in their office, he was bent over his laptop googling, ‘James Hodges real estate’ for the millionth time.

“No. That entire meeting was supposed to be a show of power from me. He’s  _ supposed _ to understand now that I’m a big part of the Hatford circle.”  _ And what would be the point if our meeting if I just went crying to Uncle Stuart every time Ichirou was a dick? _ No. He needed to handle this himself. 

Andrew looked up at him from his laptop and just shook his head before looking back down. 

_ What the fuck? _

“What was that for?” Neil demanded. 

Andrew shrugged. “I just hate that this was the cost.  _ Show of Power, Hartford circle _ . You sound like them. If I had things my way you wouldn’t have anything to do with them. 

Neil rolled his eyes. “If you had things your way I’d never leave the house alone.”

Andrew looked up again, something stark in his eyes as he swiveled in his chair to face Neil. “You know that’s not true, right? Yeah, I probably worry too much, but that probably has something to do with you being part of a crime family now and you know. Almost fucking dying last year. But I would never keep you here like a fucking prisoner.” He looked dead serious and suddenly, Neil felt bad for even suggesting it. 

He sighed and dropped the stack of property listings he’d been holding. “I know. I’m just fucking with you. You just worry about my safety. Like... A lot.”

“And I always will,” Andrew retorted automatically. “That doesn’t mean I want you to feel like a prisoner.”

“I  _ don’t _ , I promise. I should honestly be grateful I have someone to worry about me, I guess.” Neil stood and inserted himself onto Andrew’s lap. 

Andrew echoed his sigh and wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his face in Neil’s shoulder. 

He wasn’t totally sure what this was, but it’d happened a few times since the breakup. Even though they’d been happily back together for months now,  _ this _ still crept up on Andrew. It was like a bit of insecurity about them and a fear that he was doing this whole thing wrong started to push up from beneath his skin and seep into the real world where it became tangible and real. 

Neil remembered, then. “You had therapy today.”

Andrew just nodded against him. 

“How’d it go?”

He shrugged and turned his cheek so it pressed against his shoulder and his forehead rest against his neck. “As well as can be expected, I guess.”

“Hmmm,” Neil hummed and decided rather than dig deeper and potentially open the healing wound wider, he went the other way. “You deserve a reward.”

“Oh...?”

Neil shifted slightly in Andrew’s lap and traced a hand down his chest.

“ _ Oh _ .”

He continued his journey down, pressing his lips to Andrew’s until his fingers were teasing the waistband of his pants and - 

His phone vibrated in his back pocket. Andrew jumped, breaking the kiss quickly with a hissed, “Holy shit. That was conveniently positioned -”

Neil laughed before shifting and pulling out his phone. He stopped, however, when he saw that it was an ‘ _ unknown’  _ number. He knew who it was. 

Straightening, he hoisted himself off Andrew, who made a disappointed huff. 

“Yes?” Neil answered in his most take-no-shit voice. 

Andrew snorted. 

‘ _ I’m returning your hundreds of calls. Be quick. _ ’

Neil turned to Andrew with a  _ look _ and quickly put the phone on speaker. 

“You’ve been avoiding me, Ichirou,” Neil said like he was chastising a child. “That’s not very professional.” He felt it then - the thrill he always got when talking to someone who would probably kill him if able. He didn’t know why he was this way, but he pushed any thoughts about his father out of his head when Ichirou responded. 

_ ‘Last time you called it was because my brother was being mean to you on twitter. Forgive me if I don’t take you entirely seriously.’ _ He sounded tired. Neil could practically hear the eye-roll in his voice. 

He tsked his tongue. “That was for  _ your _ benefit. Not mine. He’s going to be your downfall, you know. One day he’s just going to snap and I’m going to laugh when it comes.” Neil dropped himself into one of the chairs they filmed in, setting the phone on the arm and crossed his legs. He shot Andrew a smile. 

Andrew bit his lip ring. 

_ ‘One can only hope he takes you with him,’ _ Ichirou sighed.  _ ‘What do you want?’ _

“James Hodges. I need information.” Neil traced the pattern of stitching on the upholstery. He always felt surprisingly calm in these situations. Honestly, it felt really good to be someone who knew they were about to get what they wanted. 

_ ‘I apologize  _ **_Neil_ ** _ , since we’re apparently on a first name basis. _ ’  ~~_At least it was the right first name._ ~~ _ ‘I must have google tattooed on my forehead without realizing.’ _

“That sounds like a you problem. Unfortunately, it’s also unhelpful. James Hodges sold property to you recently. He’s a big wig realtor in the city.”

Ichirou sighed again into the phone.  _ ‘Get to the point, I have a massage in five minutes and I loathe being late.’ _

That only made Neil want to take his time, but he barreled on anyway. “See if they can rub the evil overlord out for you.” Andrew snorted, Neil smirked. “Anyway, I have reason to believe that Phillip Hull and James Hodges are connected. You told me Hull did business with your father before he died and you’ve had no interaction with him. I want to know what  _ you _ know about Hodges.”

Andrew stood and sat in the chair opposite Neil, watching him closely. 

_ ‘What’s in this for me? You can’t simply call me and demand favors like this,  _ **_Neil_ ** _. I don’t know who you think you are, but just because you’ve decided to be part of the Hatford -’ _

“I’m going to stop you there,” Neil said, sounding bored. “What’s in it for you is the satisfaction of helping keep a child kidnapper, rapist, and killer off the streets. Or maybe...” Neil let his tone drop an octave, “You sympathize with him? After all, I know you have your own collection of children. I was almost one myself, after all.”

_ ‘Yes and you would’ve been much better off for it, I’m sure. Whatever you think about me, you should know I did not agree with my father on every policy he had. We no longer use children as debt payments for the family and have not since I came into power. I’ve dodged a number of assassination attempts because of some of these policy changes, so I’d appreciate it if you watched that disgusting mouth of yours and showed a little respect.’ _

Neil was - admittedly - momentarily surprised by this. He still didn’t let it mess with his flow. “Well, I’m sure the children appreciate you doing the absolute bare minimum to be a decent human being. But here’s the thing, if James Hodges turns out to be the name we need and you’re connected? No matter how small or insignificant... It’s still there. And I suggest if you don’t want your name dragged through the mud in the most  _ polite _ sense, you’ll help us out. All I need to know is what  _ you _ know about him. Have your lawyer or whoever handles your real estate investments call me. It doesn’t even have to be you.”

Ichirou was silent for a moment, and Neil knew he was warring between telling him to kindly go fuck himself and agreeing just to prove he doesn’t support child rapists. 

_ ‘Fine,’ _ he bit out.  _ ‘Someone will be in touch.’ _ He hung up before Neil could respond. 

Neil smiled and dragged his eyes slowly to Andrew. 

“That went well.”

Andrew raised a brow. “You love this.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t mind putting him in his place just a little. Besides, you get off watching me work... Don’t deny it.” 

Andrew held up his hands, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Neil let his smile shift from razor-sharp to wide as he stood, walking the few steps back to Andrew and taking his place in his lap again. 

_ Oh _ . 

Yeah, he enjoyed the show. 

“Where were we?”

* * *

They hadn’t talked directly to James in a few weeks - too worried about tipping him off by seeming too eager. Honestly, Andrew didn’t know what they’d say anyway. 

_ Hey James, how’s Haley? _

The last time they’d talked to him, they were still looking for information on Phillip Hull. James said he’d ask around and they hadn’t heard a peep from him since. 

“There’s too fucking many,” Neil murmured to himself, scrolling on his laptop.

“Too many what?”

“James Hodges. There’s like... a million listings in New York of houses with this name and a fuck ton in Newark, too. We had this problem with Hull. This fuckin guy picks the most common names he can think of.” Neil leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair, making it stand in every direction. 

“I’m sure that’s exactly what he did. Have you heard from Boyd?” Andrew stretched out on the couch, dropping his tablet carefully to the floor before folding his hands on his stomach. Neil lounged in the big armchair that fit them both, curled up with his laptop in the arm. 

“I would’ve told you if I had.”

Andrew rolled his head to the side to look at him. Neil was frustrated. Waves of it practically vibrated off of him. Andrew pulled out his phone, dialed Boyd, and put it on speaker before placing it on the coffee table. 

_ ‘Is Neil okay?’ _ Boyd answered on the second ring. Andrew rolled his eyes and Neil laughed. 

“Why the fuck would I call you if Neil wasn’t? You can hear it through the team’s annoyingly active gossip network.” He didn’t know who he’d call, honestly. Probably Bee. Let her tell the rest. 

_ Stop thinking about it. _

_ ‘God, you’re an asshole. Neil? You there?’ _

“Yeah, Matty. I’m here.”

‘ _ Why the fuck? _ ’

“Because he’s got a biiiiig di-” 

_ ‘Woah, hey, I’m gonna wash that mouth out if you keep talking.’ _

“No, Boyd,” Andrew said, grinning what he was sure was a shit-eating grin, “let him finish.”

_ ‘Alright, enough of your shit you two. Why the call?’ _

Neil rolled his eyes, straightened in his seat, and closed his laptop. “Have you heard from your dad?”

‘ _ Yeah, actually. I talked to him earlier today _ .’ 

Automatically, Neil stood up at that and sat beside Andrew’s legs on the couch. “What the fuck?! Why didn’t you call me?”

Matt made a clicking noise through the receiver.  _ ‘Man... I got shit to do, okay? Like. I’m sorry I got a little busy.’ _

“Exy’s been canceled for the foreseeable future Boyd. What the fuck are you busy with?” Andrew deadpanned. 

_ ‘You really wanna know?’  _ Andrew had a feeling he didn’t, but Boyd barreled on anyway.  _ ‘Well. Robin’s been at the PSU court with Kev today, so Dan and I finally had some time to ourselves and... Well... I’ve got a biiiiiig di- _ ’

“I hate you,” Neil whispered with ire. “So much.”

_ ‘You love me. Anyway, I  _ **_did_ ** _ talk to my dad. And wow, he’s such an asshole. But he said he doesn’t have any pictures from the parties he went to with this guy, but he did have something else that might be helpful.’ _

Andrew sat up and picked his phone off the table, holding it between him and Neil. “What?”

_ ‘An address. He went to a party hosted by James Hodges at a fancy high rise in the city. Dunno if it belongs to him, but if it does then it’s something, I guess.’ _

“It’s something,” Andrew agreed. He took down the address and let Neil talk to Boyd about bullshit while he googled the location. An apartment popped up that certainly looked big enough to hold a small party of self-important windbags. Neil leaned into him to see when he got off the phone. 

“Fancy,” he said, laying his head on Andrew’s shoulder while he scrolled through the available pictures. 

“I don’t know how people live in places like this. Floor to ceiling windows just seem like a horrible idea.” He wouldn’t be able to stand it. 

_ Too much exposure. _

“I agree with the window thing, but Matt’s place was pretty nice.”

“I guess if you’re into that sort of thing,” Andrew sighed, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. And then, “I like this place.”

Neil leaned back and smiled softly. He looked around at their cozy townhouse - the wood floors and the cat tree and the walls painted a color they’d playfully fought over for a week. 

“This is my favorite place.”

* * *

They made quick work of the address - organizing themselves in tandem to strip it down and figure it out. But the time they were done, they had the entire history of the building which consisted of a few celebrities who may or may not have lived there and a certainty that ‘Steven’ never would've taken a girl there if he had one. 

“Maybe there’s something there though,” Andrew said, chewing his lip ring over and over. “He might keep shit spread out... Less likely to be found, you know?”

_ Not likely. _ He’d be smarter not keeping ‘shit’ at all. “Let’s figure out what name the apartment is under. If it’s James Hodges or something different.”

They spent a few minutes searching the New York County property website, typing in the address to see what would or would not show up. 

It wasn’t James Hodges. 

“What the fuck is Stanza Rim, LLC?” Neil asked. It was presumably a company of some sort, listed as the owner of the apartment... Andrew tried to google it but found nothing - not what it was or who owned it. 

“Well, that’s interesting,” Andrew murmured. “Does James own this company? Or do they just own the apartment?” Andrew tapped an impatient finger on the keyboard. 

“Look at Newark again,” Neil said over his shoulder. “Check for any properties under that name.”

That’s exactly what he did. And his stomach fucking dropped when an address immediately popped up in the search. They plugged it into google and held their breaths as pictures popped up. 

_ It _ didn’t look anything like what Robin had described. That house had been isolated and big. This one was of modest size, in a suburban neighborhood with all the houses clustered close together like some suburban fantasy. It was nice though. Modern looking. 

Andrew huffed a harsh breath, “Okay.” He flung his glasses onto the table in front of him and rubbed his eyes. Neil tsked and moved them from the edge where they were in danger of falling, to the middle after folding them carefully. 

“You’re gonna break this pair, too, if you keep flinging them around like that.”

Andrew waved him off. “This obviously isn’t the house Robin saw.”

“No,” Neil agreed. “And really... it wouldn’t be odd for James to have a place in the city and the burbs since he works in both areas. But, again, we don’t even really know if this is him. This could just be a company that owns properties.”

Neil was right. 

Andrew was eager. 

He was so fucking ready to pin this on James and call it a day. He was sick of not knowing where Haley was or how she was doing... Sick of waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares about what terrible things could be happening. He knew they had to play this smart though. Not unless they wanted to make things ten times harder for themselves by accusing someone innocent.

“I want to see it,” Andrew said, dropping his hands to his lap and staring at the house on his screen. “Both of them. I want to go to New York and look at this apartment, and I want to go to Newark and look at this house. Even if he never kept any girls there, even if he  _ isn’t _ Steven, I still want to go.”

Neil raised a slow brow. “Are you saying you want to break in? Snoop around?” He leveled Andrew with a look, “Drew, I love you, but that sounds insane. Let’s do it.”

Andrew pulled him in and kissed him hard. When he pulled away he was breathless. 

“We need to call a team meeting.”

* * *

The morning they were due to meet the team at the office, Andrew found Neil hunched over his laptop. He was still in his running clothes - one of Andrew’s old tees, running shoes he’d gotten for Christmas, apple watch firmly in place, and shorts that were both entirely too short and not short enough.

“I think they’ve been abandoned.”

Andrew sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling.  _ He’s ruthless _ . Cold and calculating, Neil had the slickest fucking mouth he’d ever had the pleasure to hear.

But  _ critters _ ? Cats and beetles and now, apparently,  _ bunnies _ , Neil was reduced to a pile of high pitched goo.

“They’re rabbits, Neil. How do you know the mother isn’t... I don’t know. Gathering berries or some shit?”

Neil had his eyes glued to the security footage on his laptop, sitting by the window to the yard where he could see where the  _ bunnies _ were hidden. 

He crossed his arms over his chest and tried his best not to sigh again. “What do you want to do?” Because whatever it was, he’d fuckin’ do it and the quicker they handled this, the quicker they could get to the meeting.

“I don’t know,” Neil whined. “I don’t know what to do! Do we get them?! I don’t want to hurt them... What if you’re right and she comes back? Can you imagine her coming back and her babies being gone? What if -”

_ Alright. Enough. _ Andrew took the computer from Neil and sat beside him on the window seat. “Let’s find a number for a wildlife rescue. We’ll call and ask what to do.”

Neil let out a deep breath. “Right... That’s a good idea.”

Andrew googled the number and looked at him before calling. “Why are you so freaked about this?”

Neil shook his head, bottom lip slightly pouted. He didn’t answer for a moment and Andrew thought he might not, but he tried to wait him out anyway. 

“I don’t really know,” he eventually answered. “I just hate the thought of them being abandoned... Left behind. What if the mama bunny is dead somewhere?”

_ Jesus fucking christ...  _ Andrew studied his face for a moment and it was really amazing sometimes how trauma decided to manifest. He was just now realizing that maybe Neil’s insistence on saving every spider and moth and creepy-crawly that made its way into their home went deeper than just being a soft boy. 

So, he wrapped an arm around Neil, pulled him in close, and kissed his temple. “Okay. Let’s save some bunnies.”

* * *

Two hours and one trip to the wildlife refuge later, two baby bunnies were safe with some very cheerful people wearing a lot of khaki scrubs. 

_ I feel better. _

When he was a kid, Neil had a baby bunny named Spiderman that he was deathly afraid Nathan would hurt. He let Spiderman go in the woods and only as an adult did he realize he probably died pretty quickly. At five he didn’t think about things like how a domestic rabbit would survive in the wild...

He shook the thought out of his head and focused on the task at hand. They were meeting with the team today (and late for it), but he also needed to talk to Stuart as soon as he could. 

He called him on the way to the studio.

_ ‘Nephew! I hope this is a call to ask how your good ol’ Uncle Stuart is and not a call to tell me something terrible has happened! _ ’ 

Neil grimaced. It was neither, but now he felt bad. Life was easier with no family. Lonely, but easier. 

“How are you, Uncle Stuart?”

_ ‘Lovely, thank you, Neil. Betsy and I had a wonderful conversation this morning about -’ _

“Woah, woah, woah,” Andrew said, looking over at Neil’s phone and gripping the wheel. “Betsy? You been talking to Bee, Stu?”

Neil bit his lip to hold back a smile. He didn’t know they’d been talking and he was sure it was all innocent, but Andrew wasn’t going to be easily convinced.

Neil found it endlessly amusing. 

_ ‘I have. She’s a real firecracker, yeah? I ran into her at the market and we got to talking and exchanged numbers. I always ask if I can pick anything up for her, but it seems you keep her well stocked.’ _

“Damn right I do. Stay away from her. This is a pandemic. I don’t know what or  _ who _ you’ve been doing.” Emphasis on ‘ _ who _ ’. Neil rolled his eyes. 

_ ‘This is Palmetto, mate. I’ve stuck around for more than one reason, but the high-class dating scene is not one of them.’ _

“ _ Excuse me _ ?” Andrew snarled. “Betsy Louise Dobson is a goddamn  _ SAINT _ and anyone would be  _ LUCKY  _ -”

“Okay, okay,” Neil said loudly. “Stuart we need to go over some things with you. Can you meet us at the townhouse tonight? We’ll cook for you.”

“We will  _ not _ !”

_ ‘That sounds wonderful! You’ve still been distancing, yes? I love you like a son Neil, but I’ll have to pass if you’ve been out sharing germs. I can’t afford to fall ill with this virus.’ _

Neil sighed. “Yes, Stuart. We’ve been very careful. Social distancing, masks, the works.”

_ ‘Excellent. See you at 7? And do invite Betsy. I’d love to see her.’ _

“Go fuck yourself, Stu.” Andrew reached over and hung up Neil’s phone.

* * *

We’re not fucking cooking for him,” Andrew grabbed Neil’s hand and pulled him into the building. “I fucking hate him.”

“No you don’t,” Neil said, a wry twist to his mouth.

“I  _ do _ ,” he insisted, tugging Neil closer and kissing the back of the hand he held. “I’m very grumpy about it,” he mumbled, perfectly aware that he was throwing a tantrum while practically snuggling with Neil, but this was just his life now,  _ okay? _ This was just the way of things and if he wanted to stomp around and  _ snuggle _ his partner at the same time, he fucking  _ would _ . 

“We need to do this face to face. It’s just dinner. How about I’ll make sure he’s gone early and you can choose what we do for the rest of the night.”

There was a teasing, twinkling, wicked glint in his eye and while Andrew new Neil meant sex...

“We’re watching Jurassic Park. With all the lights off.” Neil had never seen it and he’d been meaning to correct that travesty for ages. He’d hid and watched it himself when he was seven when some bigger kids in his foster home were watching it, and it was the scariest fucking movie he’d ever seen.

“Oh -” Neil said, eyes wide, brows furrowed - confused and disappointed. “I thought... I mean okay. Yeah. That sounds good?”

They’d reached the door to the studio by now - very established and fancy looking TFN plaque beside it that Allison had installed to replace the very ‘unprofessional’ and ‘ugly’ paper sign they’d had pre and post-season one -, when Andrew pulled Neil close and wrapped an arm around his waist. Leaning close, he tilted his head and whispered in his ear, “After when you’re nice and scared, I’ll think of a good way to make you feel better.”

Neil hummed in interest, “Yes, that.”

He squeezed him once for good measure, before pulling away and adjusting their masks before stepping into the studio. The rest of the team was already there. They’d pushed all the couches and chairs further back and apart so everyone was able to keep their distance. Using the hand sanitizer from the station set up by the door, they greeted the others and took their place on the smaller couch together. Dan, Seth, Renee, Robin, and Allison were gathered, waiting for them to start. 

“Right,” Neil began on an exhale. “We had another small break, thanks to Matt. He wasn’t able to get any pictures of James, but he did get us an address.”

“In Newark?” Dan asked. Her mask was covered in something sparkly and it made her eyes glitter.

“In Manhattan,” Andrew answered.

Allison pulled her blonde hair over her shoulder and leaned back. “How is that helpful?”

“It might not be. But we did a search for the property owner and instead found an LLC named, Stanza Rim, LLC, which owns the unit. We couldn’t find anything on the company itself, but we  _ did _ find a property owned by it in Newark.” Robin sat up straighter at that, but Andrew shook his head. He wished he had something more concrete for her. 

_ Hopefully, this is a start. _

“It’s not the house. But it’s something. Neil and I want to check out both places. See if we find anything.”

Everyone was quiet for a minute until Renee finally said it. 

“You’re going to break in aren’t you?”

Neil sighed and crossed his legs, then gestured vaguely, “We just want to have a look around.” Andrew looked at him with a raised brow.

Seth let out a laugh that came out muffled behind his mask. “Yall are so fucking chaotic, bless your hearts. Don’t almost die this time, my gentle heart can’t take it.”

Andrew scoffed, “We’re not doing anything but just seeing if there’s anything  _ to _ see.” Which... wasn’t exactly a lie. In the end, so much of this was going to depend on Stuart. 

~~_Gross._ ~~

Dan shook her head, though probably knew better than to fight it. “Just be careful, okay? I’ll kill both of you if you end up getting murdered.” She pointed a dagger-sharp nail at them and Andrew almost believed she could if she really wanted to. 

“So, let me guess. You’ll need a place to stay while you’re in the city,” Reynolds spoke up, crossing her own legs and lacing her fingers over her knee as she swung one heeled foot back and forth. “You lookin’ to buy? Because I’m pretty sure y’all have been in that apartment more than I have in the last year.”

“We’re looking to squat. We’ll only be there for a few days, but we can get a hotel room if you -”

“Fuck, no!” Allison gasped, outraged. “You think I’m gonna let you stay in a nasty-ass hotel right now? Stay at my place. I’ll call and have them sanitize everything, just in case.” She looked directly at Andrew. “You leave my cars alone, you hear me, Monster?”

“No promises.” He hadn’t planned on it, but now that she mentioned it... There  _ was _ a really nice BMW down there...

“Okay. Let’s talk about the kinks in your plan here. How do you know he won’t be there while you’re snooping?” Dan asked without even a hint of trying to talk them out of it. 

Honestly, Andrew was impressed. 

“Well,” Neil started for him, giving her his best  _ poor rabbit _ face, “I’ll need to talk to Matt, but I thought maybe he could help out.” Dan narrowed her eyes. Neil quickly amended, “We just need to keep him busy for a few days! I thought maybe Matt could have him running around, looking at different properties with him long enough for us to get a look.”

Dan folded her arms over her chest after leveling them with a severe look. “I’m only agreeing to this for Haley.”

Andrew furrowed his brow. “Agreeing to what? We didn’t ask you to do anything. Have you and Boyd finally completed the metamorphosis into the same person?”

Robin snorted, but Dan was unperturbed. “You think he’d agree to this if I wasn’t okay with it? Uh, no. Sorry. This has to do with  _ me _ and  _ my _ work. Of course, he’d take me into consideration. You see, Matt is what I like to call, ‘a real man’.” She said, finger quoting in the air. 

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Whatever. That’s -”

“Wait, Andrew,” Renee spoke up, cutting him off and leaning forward onto her knees, eyes unreadable. “Just remember that anything you two may find would be inadmissible in court. And if you talk about it on the podcast -”

“We’d be incriminating ourselves. I know.”

“Because it’s a  _ crime _ . You’re breaking and entering here. So all I’m saying is, be careful. I have full faith in your criminal abilities,” she said and there was just a hint of teasing that made Andrew smirk despite the context, “but this is a serious breach. When talking about it, you two have to be extremely careful.”

And she was 100% right. What he appreciated though was that Renee didn’t try to talk either of them out of it. This was as close as acceptance as he was going to get and Andrew was thankful for it. 

“We know.” He answered for both of them but glanced at Neil from the corner of his eye. He was nodding. “But we don’t have many other options and even if the NYPD wasn’t beating people in the streets, they probably wouldn’t be able to get a warrant anyway. This is all we’ve got.”

“So, criminal activity it is,” Neil practically fuckin’ beamed beside him. 

“Dope,” Seth drawled, smile behind his mask obvious. 

Andrew rolled his eyes again. “Okay. That’s basically it. We’ll let you know when everything’s in place.”

Everyone stood and Seth and Robin air hugged from across the room. The rest of the team lingered, but Andrew and Neil left before Dan could have second thoughts about this plan and attempt to convince them out of it. 

Apparently Andrew had an asshole to cook for, anyway. 

* * *

Neil stuck a clean spoon in the bowl of glaze Andrew was preparing to have a taste, and Andrew brandished a spatula at him, shooing him away. 

“Get the fuck out of here. If I have to cook for your smarmy uncle, at least let me do it in peace.”

Pomegranate maple glazed lamb chops were on the menu. Neil suspected it was because it looked and sounded fancy as fuck, but really only took a half-hour to make. 

“I can help. Let me make the potatoes or something.” Neil wasn’t nervous, but he was eager. This was a big ask for Stuart and their hands would be tied on what exactly they could do if he didn’t agree to it.

Andrew pulled a hair tie off his wrist and pulled his long hair up into a bun on top of his head. “Fine. You can chop. But if you cut a finger off, I’m not taking you to the hospital.”

Neil shrugged. “Eh, I’ve had worse.”

They worked together in quiet ease to get dinner done. It was nice, being in the kitchen like this. Comfortable. They moved around each other like they were dancing, reaching and shifting and rearranging. Neil sometimes thought about how he’d never know what he was missing. If he was still just working at the  _ Book Nook _ in Arizona, he’d be none the wiser. 

Neil felt bad for that Neil. It was like he’d been living a facsimile of a life... It  _ was _ a life, but a faded copy. 

Neil’s phone buzzed letting him know someone was in the driveway before Stuart even had a chance to ring the bell. They’d finished up dinner and Andrew started plating while Neil went to the door. 

His uncle looked as conspicuously out of place as always. In jeans and a t-shirt, he still somehow looked too expensive for Palmetto. A black mask obscured half his face, but Neil could still see the crinkle of a smile in his eyes. 

“I’d hug you if I could,” he greeted Neil as Neil waved him inside. 

“Dinner’s ready. We’re going to eat outside on the deck so we have more room to spread out,” Neil said in way of greeting, smile on his own face. 

They had a perfectly nice kitchen table. They’d picked it out together and Neil liked it because it meant they could eat and look at each other and talk, unlike their last apartment where they ate on the couch and tried not to spill food. But it was rather small because Neil and Andrew were a rather small family. 

_ Family. _

“Sounds good. Smells bloody delicious.” 

Neil led him to the back deck where Andrew was setting cups of water next to the plates he’d already laid out on the long table they’d purchased a few months ago. Neil wanted it for when they had people over. Of course, COVID made sure no more than three people could sit at it anyway. 

Stuart took one end of the table and removed his mask while Neil and Andrew sat at the other. 

“Andrew,” Stuart nodded in greeting.

“Stu,” Andrew said, not bothering to look up as he dug into his food instead. Neil rolled his eyes but couldn’t help a smile. 

“You remind me of Mary when you do that,” Stuart said, starting to cut into his meat neatly. 

“What?”

“Smile at him like that, even though he’s a complete knob. Mary was blind to Nathan for so long.”

Andrew stiffened beside Neil, but Neil put a hand on his arm. It was taught from how hard he clenched his fork. 

“Uncle,” Neil said, calmly. “I don’t know what you’re trying to suggest, but if it’s that Andrew is anything like him -”

Stuart’s head shot up in surprise. “No! No. Bloody Christ, no. I apologize, don’t misunderstand. There’s a difference, of course. I just meant... well.” He pressed his lips together and weighed Neil with a look, “You smile like her when she was in love. That’s all.”

Andrew’s arm relaxed slightly, but Neil continued staring at Stuart. He didn’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, he’d been told so many times how he looked just like Nathan. He’d seen his razor-sharp butcher’s smile on his own face before and he hated it. But hearing that maybe  _ this _ smile... the soft one he reserved for Andrew was different? Neil had to shake himself slightly to get his head back in order. 

“And, of course, no matter how I feel about Andrew’s manners in general, I don’t doubt that he has your best interests at heart. I could not say that about Nathan.” He shook his head and looked back down at his food.

Neil heard a crack beside him and knew it was Andrew cracking his pinky after he’d set his fork and knife down, then placed his hands flat on the table. “I’m only going to tell you this once and next time, I’ll throw your ass out in the front yard. Do not come into our home and mention that name. If Neil brings it up, fine. But  _ you  _ don’t get to.  _ You _ don’t get to toss it around like he wasn’t the reason for Neil’s trauma. Clear?”

Andrew’s insides swelled like a balloon was inflating in his fucking chest. He wanted to egg Andrew on - wanted to shout a  _ ‘YOU TELL HIM BABE!’, _ but he didn’t. Instead he stayed quiet and didn’t bother beating back his grin as he waited for Stuart to respond. 

Stuart, who held up his hands and nodded, “Again. My apologies. What was it you wanted to talk about anyway?” As easy as anything he moved straight on to the matter at hand as if all that never happened. He even took a bite of his lamb and moaned, “Fuck’s sake this is good. You cooked this?”

Andrew just glared up at him, but nodded and kept eating. The sooner they got this over with, the better. 

Neil cleared his throat. “Well, I talked to Ichirou. We found another name connected to this  _ Phillip Hull _ and also connected to the Moriyamas. I asked him to look into it.”

“I’m sure that went over swimmingly,” Stuart replied, taking another bite.

“Eh. About as well as you can imagine, I assume. He agreed in the end, nonetheless. Of course only after I suggested smearing his good name.”

“That’s my boy,” Stuart winked. 

~~_'That’s my boy_ .' ~~

Neil tried not to let the praise go to his head too much. He  _ was _ , in fact, good at this and he knew it. “You know, he says they don’t take children anymore. That they stopped when Kengo died.” He took a small bite of food and fuck. Stuart was right. This was fucking amazing. 

Stuart shrugged. “Maybe, then. We haven’t had a whole lot of contact with them since the Little Lord took over. I can have it checked out, of course.”

“Don’t bother,” Neil sighed. “We already tipped off the FBI. If he’s lying, I imagine he won’t be soon. Anyway, I wanted to let you know in case it came up at some point.”

“Noted,” Stuart said. “That’s all?”

“No.”

“Of course not,” Stuart mumbled. 

“We have the addresses of two properties of interest in regards to the case. We’re going to look at them and we need some help.” He tried to sound as self-assured and confident as possible. 

“With? Surely you don’t need a ride?”

“Not a ride,” Neil shook his head. “We need someone to get us in.” Stuart didn’t even raise a brow. He just blinked and waited for Neil to carry on, so he did. “We need to get past security and cameras and what’s likely a very nice system that’s directly connected to the authorities.”

Stuart waved a hand as if all Neil had asked him was to pick up a gallon of fucking milk. “Fine, fine. I’ve sent most of my boys home, but Ramsey’s still around. He’s the tech expert anyway. When are you doing this?” He popped a roasted potato in his mouth. 

And Neil tried not to act surprised at how easily Stuart agreed to this. “Uh... We’re not sure yet. I’ll let you know when we have a date.”

“Do that. Oh, and I’ll have to insist you let Ramsey handle whatever it is you need while you stay out of sight.”

“No.”

Andrew had been quiet this entire time, cutting his meat into tiny bits and eating them slowly. He’d been listening, of course - Andrew was always listening. But he didn’t interfere. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“No. I’m going in. I’m not letting someone who has no idea what they’re even looking for, go in there and find nothing. If that means you won’t help us, then fine. But I’m fucking going in.”

Stuart shook his head. “Fine, risk your neck. But Neil-”

“Is also going in. This is a  _ job _ Stuart and I’m going to see it through. Besides, if Andrew gets caught, then it’s a matter of time before they come after me anyway. We both go in. Ramsey is a professional, right? We get in, get out, get home. That’s it.”

Stuart set his utensils down and wiped his face with his napkin before leaning back in his seat, contemplating. 

“I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to,” Neil said.

Stuart pressed his lips together, then leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table. “You’d make an excellent head of the family, you know.”

Andrew made a sound in his throat that Neil swore sounded like a growl, but Neil didn’t respond. Stuart finally sighed and sat back again. “Fine. But Ramsey is going to stay in contact with me the entire time and keep me updated.”

“Deal.”

They finished their dinner with Andrew remaining quiet and Neil chatting lightly with his uncle. 

He ushered Stuart out early just like he’d promised. 

And Jurassic Park wasn’t scary, but he ended up in Andrew’s lap anyway. 

* * *

It took a few days for Boyd to arrange a time for when James could show him properties. He’d told James he wanted to look at some places outside the city that would be good for a  _ family _ so that they’d been gone longer -

But Andrew suspected it wasn’t a total ruse. Everyone had paired up and become utterly pathetic. Seth and Dion. Matt and Dan. Kevin and Brianna. Allison and Renee. 

~~_Me and Neil._ ~~

Boyd set it for a time he was due to be in New York anyway. The Exy season had been canceled, but Matt still had an apartment in the city and needed to go check on things. He was already there, and Neil and Andrew were due to leave that morning. 

Ramsey had apparently been there for days as well, figuring out the best plan of action. 

They left early so they could arrive in time to get to Reynolds’ and order dinner. Tomorrow, they had plans to look at the Manhattan place first, then Newark the following day. 

Loading up the GS for the better gas mileage, Andrew let Neil drive first since it was the ass crack of dawn and he’d rather sleep. So, they cuddled the cats, made sure they had what they needed, loaded up the car, and got on their way. 

Andrew immediately leaned his seat back, dark sunglasses donned and hoodie over himself like a makeshift blanket. 

“Hey!” Neil shook his shoulder just as he got comfortable. “You can’t just pass out while I’m driving. You’re the navigator.”

~~_Ugh_ .  ~~

“Your phone is the navigator,” Andrew grumbled and shoved off his shoes to put his heels on the edge of the seat. “I’m sleepy. It’s too fucking early to be this bright and why are the fucking birds so  _ fucking _ loud right now?! Like, fucking really? What are you even fucking doing?”

“Fucking.”

“Right?  _ Fucking _ birds...” he pulled the hood to cover his face, too. 

“No, I mean they’re fucking. Like... laying eggs and shit right now. Don’t birds only fuck like once a year? Jesus Drew... What if you could only fuck once a year? You’d probably sing, too.”

“Would not.”

“Bet I could make you.”

Andrew huffed, shoved his hood off his face, and set his seat back up. “ _ Fine. _ Okay. Where are the snacks? I need sustenance if I have to listen to you this entire trip.”

Neil laughed, smile edging on wicked and eyes shining in the dawn's warm light. “I win,” he sang, happily. “And we’ve been on the road for like, 2.5 seconds. You just ate a giant plate of eggs and bacon. There’s no way you’re hungry.”

Andrew shook his head sadly. “It’s like you don’t know me at all...”

Neil laughed again and pulled on a pair of dark Ray Bans. The result was a smiling, tousle-haired Neil beaming in the morning sun in a pair of sexy sunglasses and Andrew suddenly remembered the time in college he thought he’d be a famous poet by now. 

“In the back seat,” Neil finally told him, vaguely gesturing a thumb over his shoulder. 

Andrew reached back and pulled a bag to the front and then - “Are you kidding me?”

Neil bit his lips together, beating back a smile. He  _ lived _ to torture Andrew. 

“What...?” he asked innocently. “You said to pack snacks...”

“Yes.  _ Snacks _ , Neil. Not fucking rabbit foo- trail mix?! Raisins?! Again with this shit? Is...”  _ No. It couldn’t be - _ “Is this a granola bar...?” He asked, holding up the offending item which boasted, ‘ **Full of Fiber!** ’

“I’m the original Red Rabbit, am I not? Run, Rabbit, run? Wasn’t that a thing?”

“You’re impossible, but also correct.” He mumbled, looking at the bar again. “Packed with fiber? What are you, 80?”

“No,” Neil said with a sweet smile and a tilt of his head. “I just have a lot of sex.”

_ ‘I just have a lot of sex’  _

Andrew froze with the bag in his hand, then bit his lip ring. This was a true fact and yet... Andrew was momentarily stunned. “A lot, huh?”

Neil shrugged, smile still there, “More than I’ve ever had, babe.”

“Any complaints?”

“Not yet. I’ll let you know.”

Andrew threw the granola bar at him and they both laughed.

It was nice.

-

The drive was good and it reminded Andrew why he loved road trips. Whenever he had to move cities for work or school, he always drove just for the trip  ~~and avoid planes~~ ~~.~~ It helped when he was anxious or upset. 

He and Neil would drive sometimes when they felt like they needed to escape - when they wanted to feel like it really was just the two of them in that small space. 

“We’ll switch after lunch and I’ll drive,” Andrew said as he got out of the car, stretching his arms above his head. They’d pulled into a small sandwich shop to get some food before continuing on. 

“I don’t mind,” Neil yawned, arching his back to relieve his muscles and pushed his sunglasses up on his head. 

“Absolutely not. I’m driving the rest of the trip. I can’t listen to one more Elton John song. I’ll fucking scream.” They had a strict rule that music was always driver's choice. Andrew hated it, but thems the rules of road trips and they were unflinchingly rigid. 

Neil pouted. “I played more than Elton... I even sang Time After Time for you. I put my heart into that.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and looked skyward. “You put your lungs into it, I’ll give you that.” He then sighed and grabbed Neil by the elbow, pulling him close as he leaned back against the car door. “Come’ere. Let’s shoot a quick video.”

They’d decided that instead of recording audio notes, they’d follow along with the visual theme. It made more sense now anyway and it helped to keep listeners engaged as well. He pulled out his phone and held it up when Neil stood next to him. He still had his sunglasses on and he didn’t bother taking them off. 

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“So, Neil and I are on a little road trip.” Neil waved and gave the camera a little smile. “We’re following a lead about the name we have that we told you about in our last update. We’re going to look at a couple of properties that may or may not be related and we’ll make sure to take video along the way. So think of this for our new audio notes for now.”

“We’ll keep you posted,” Neil said.

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

Andrew stopped recording and threw his arm around Neil’s shoulders. “Feed me.”

* * *

Andrew got back at him for the music choice. 

As soon as Neil heard that opening  _ G _ note drop, he groaned. 

He stored the visual of Andrew’s amused smirk for later and let himself be playfully annoyed instead as Andrew rolled down all the windows and sang at the top of his lungs. Neil put his hands over his ears for dramatic effect, but he laughed anyway at the sight of Andrew’s long hair whipping in the wind as he belted:

“TO JOIN THE BLACK PARAAAADE!”

And if Neil were being totally honest... he wasn’t actually too bad. The bastard made his voice do that weird gravelly thing at the end and Neil was kind of, totally, and completely into it. 

_ I’d never admit it, though. _

“Okay, okay you’ve had your revenge!” Neil said, turning the music down and getting into a brief smack-off with Andrew, where they were both batting each other’s hands away from the radio. 

“Oh, my revenge is just beginning. I have the complete MCR works here, Neil.”

Neil didn’t doubt him for a fucking second. 

“That’s great, babe. Proud of you. Let’s talk, we don’t talk enough.”

Andrew snorted. All they did was talk. Well - they did other things... but they talked a lot, too. 

“Tell me something I don’t know about you!” Neil said, scrambling to come up with something before Andrew turned the music up. He’d put his hair up now so it didn’t get in his face, but there were still a few strands blowing wildly around. He kept his eyes on the road and chewed his lip ring and Neil? He was intrigued. He knew a lot about Andrew, he thought.  _ What don’t I know? _

Andrew finally let his lip go and sighed a little. “Before you, I never wanted a relationship.”

“I knew that,” Neil replied.

“But,” Andrew continued and that  _ but _ made Neil lean a little closer. “I’ve always been jealous of Nicky and Erik and I will deny it with my last breath if you ever tell anyone.”

Neil tilted his head, feeling his lips begin to curl in the corners. “So... you  _ did  _ want a relationship?” He didn’t look closely at  _ why _ that made him the teeniest bit jealous. Really, it was the thought that Andrew might’ve found someone else. Truthfully, Neil liked being the only one that snagged Andrew  _ fucking _ Minyard. 

“No,” Andrew shook his head, brows slightly furrowed. “I think it was more... I wanted a partner. I wanted someone that could deal with me and my bullshit. I don’t know. I guess, in a way, I just wanted someone to think I was worth it. It’s fucking stupid.”

_ No. _ Neil put a hand on Andrew’s thigh. “It’s not stupid. Life fucking sucks and it makes sense to want someone you can share the burden with sometimes.” He squeezed his leg. “You have it now.”

Andrew nodded, just a little. “Now you have to tell me something.”

“Hmmmm,” Neil thought. He leaned back into his seat before answering. 

“I don’t want to do another season.”

Andrew didn’t react. 

He didn’t seem surprised. 

Neil thought he would be... but he didn’t seem upset or relieved or confused.

“Drew?”

“I heard you.” Andrew inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We’ll talk about it when we’re done with this one, okay?”

“Okay.”

* * *

It wasn’t too late when they finally made it to Reynolds's place. It looked exactly the same and Andrew wondered if anyone had been here since New Year’s. 

_ And just like that, _ the memories came flooding in. He hadn’t really thought about it, but he could tell the moment they walked in that Neil felt it, too. He watched as Neil walked over to the big windows - the ones Andrew hated - and looked out at Greenwich. 

“It’s weird to be back here,” Neil said quietly. 

Andrew felt his thumb twitch to crack his pinky and as some sort of release, he did. He felt desperate to ease whatever tension invaded this space... Closing his eyes, he could see Neil’s face as bright as day when Andrew had caught him with his journal... Something he’d apologized for a million times since. He could see Neil throwing Andrew’s cigarettes off the roof - Neil reaching for him when he’d woken up by a nightmare and the despair he’d felt when he could do nothing but flinch away. 

There were so many good memories, too, though: 

The Pride Parade

Watching Howls Moving Castle

_ Waking up to that note. _

“Yeah,” Andrew finally opened his eyes and sighed, holding onto that memory in particular. “This is where we went to bed together and you left before I woke up.”

Neil laughed, still facing the window and the tension in the air evaporated. Andrew smiled. 

“I did not and you know it.”

Andrew walked towards him slowly, coming up from behind and wrapping his arms around his waist. He was glad he still had his boots on. With them, they were the same height. 

“You did,” he said quietly, dropping a kiss on Neil’s neck. “So, rude.” Another kiss. And then another. And eventually, Neil let his head fall back on Andrew’s shoulder, a small sigh escaping his lips.

So Andrew kissed those, too.

-

After they’d made new memories to replace the bad ones, they had takeout delivered from a Chinese place they’d eaten at before. Andrew pulled out his phone while they ate. 

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“We’re at our location, which we can’t tell you because this is a secret,” he air quoted with his free hand, “‘mission’ and that would compromise said ‘mission’.” Neil snorted off-camera. Andrew looked over at him. “Got something to say, Josten?”

Neil poked Andrew’s cheek with his chopstick and Andrew batted him away. “ _ Anyway _ , we’re going to look at the first property tomorrow and we’ll update all of you when we do. The next day we’ll do the second property we found. Now, just to clarify, we don’t really know if we’ll find anything or if this will even help at all. But it’s something. Til tomorrow.”

He turned the camera off 

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

and flicked a piece of rice at Neil. “Annoying.”

A knock at the door interrupted him from continuing. 

“That’ll be Ramsey,” Neil said, pushing his food aside and answering the door. Ramsey walked in, looking as grumpy as ever. He wore a mask and lowered it when he sat on the couch and Neil had joined Andrew back at the table. 

“Hungry?” Neil asked. Ramsey grunted, which Andrew took to mean  _ no _ . Honestly, he liked Ramsey - mostly because he didn’t talk much. The guy did his job with the kind of brutal efficiency Andrew admired. 

“What’s what, then?” Andrew asked. 

Ramsey pulled out his phone and thumbed around for a moment before Neil and Andrew’s phones buzzed at the same time. 

“Floor plans,” Ramsey drawled in his raspy voice. Andrew got his bag from the other room to grab his iPad. He brought it back to the table and pulled up the email Ramsey sent to their throwaway account. Neil scooted closer so they could look together. 

“Simple enough,” he started. “Security system is top grade, but nothin’ I can’t handle. The real challenge will be gettin’ by cameras. You two are recognizable. You’re mad if you don’ let me handle this.”

“No.”

Ramsey didn’t blink. He just rubbed his weathered face, hand rasping against gray stubble. “I know where the cameras are,” he carried on, “so we can try to avoid ‘em. Been getting in as a maintenance worker so they know my face and won’ be suspicious.”

“So you just walked in and said, ‘pip pip, cheerio, I’m ‘here to fix your shit!’” Neil asked, in what Andrew thought was an  _ excellent _ accent. 

Ramsey pointed at him. “You’re a right little shit, you know tha’?” Neil just grinned. Ramsey looked heavenward for a second, “I’ve been doing maintenance work for the past week figuring this shit out and waitin’ for you two t’make your way ‘ere. Took your sweet time, might I add.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Neil said, scrolling down the floorplan, then focusing back on Ramsey. “So, we’re going in with you? As maintenance?” Ramsey nodded and gestured to the iPad. 

“Look at this floor plan and memorize it. I can get you into the flat, but someone’s goin’ to need to look out while you’re in ‘ere. If you know what you’re dealin’ with when you walk in, you’ll be able to get in an’ out quicker than if you ‘ad to get your bearings. Look at the rooms you wan’ to hit first. Start with bedrooms, maybe kitchen. The rest if you ‘ave time.”

They both nodded and the first stirrings of unease began to take root in Andrew’s chest. 

“And if we’re caught?” he asked. 

“You won’ get caught. I’ll distract anyone who tries to get too close. Look at the rest,” he indicated to the iPad with his eyes. 

Andrew pulled them up and played with his lip ring. It looked like a long hallway. 

“Tha’s the floor of the flat. It’s an entire floor at the tippy top of the buildin’. You ‘ave to ‘ave a special key for the lift to get to it. It opens to this ‘allway. Do you see the door there, at the end?”

They both nodded. 

“Tha’s the stairs. I wan’ you to go there and get the fuck out if I give you the word. We shouldn’ ‘ave any trouble, but just in case.”

“And what are you doing about security in the apartment?”

“I ‘ave access to all the maintenance shit, includin’ security. Cameras in that ‘allway and inside the flat will be disabled. Can’ do much about the cameras in the rest of the buildin’ without immediately causin’ a panic, so I’m leavin’ those be. Just needa be quick.”

Andrew set the tablet down and looked to Neil. “You still good with this?”

“Yep.” He had an excited gleam in his eye and not for the first time Andrew thought,  _ this man is going to be the death of me. _

Ramsey stood, then, putting his mask back in place. 

“You sure you don’t want some food, Ramsey?” Neil asked. “We’ve got plenty.”

Ramsey didn’t even bother answering. The bastard just leveled Neil with a bored look, then left. 

Andrew and Neil looked at each other for a long moment before either of them spoke. 

“Scared?”

Andrew scoffed but wilted a little under his stare. “Not  _ scared _ . Just nervous.” He picked at a spot on Reynold’s table. “Don’t want you to get hurt.”

Really, he’d done this before. Besides breaking into Neil’s Arizona apartment and rooting through his things... Breaking and entering was the official charge that landed him in juvie for two years. Of course, he’d purposely gotten caught then - absolutely desperate to get out of the Spear household and -

Neil gave him a kiss that tasted like honey chicken. “I won’t. And neither will you,” Neil murmured. “No way Stuart would’ve been okay with this if he didn’t think Ramsey could handle it.”

But it wasn’t Ramsey Andrew was worried about. 

* * *

They woke up early the next morning. 

It was Friday, so Ramsey wanted to get it done when most people would be out of the building at work. Considering the fact that it was a wealthy highrise, Neil was willing to bet most of the residents were either elderly, trust fund, or managing major business and therefore, at work during semi-quarantine. Matt was also meeting with James at 9AM, so he’d already be gone. 

Speaking of Matt, Neil woke up to his call. 

_ ‘What the fuck am I supposed to say to this dude?’ _

Neil sat up, rubbing his eyes and squinting in the morning light. He looked over at a sleeping Andrew, who rolled over and curled in on himself. Neil smiled a little, running a hand over the crown of his head. 

_ ‘Neil?’ _

“I’m here,” he yawned as he stood to head into the kitchen. “You should probably say something like, _ ‘but where will my five children sleep?’” _

_ ‘It’ll be  _ **_four_ ** _ and you’re not helping,’ _ Matt mumbled.  _ ‘This is the guy that might’ve had Robin... That might’ve... You want me to just act like it’s all good?’ _

Neil stopped making coffee and set the grounds back on the counter. He bit his lip. 

_ Fuck. _

Swallowing hard, he looked down at the counter and admitted, “You’re right. That’s... I should’ve thought of that.” He and Dan had grown so close to Robin and Matt was... well. Matt. Of course he’d be upset. 

Neil pinched the bridge of his nose. So much of this counted on Matt. 

_ ‘Yeah, you should’ve.’ _

Neil sighed, “Matty, I’m sorry. Really. I figured you’d be uncomfortable, but I assumed you agreed knowing that and that you just wanted to help -”

_ ‘Of course I want to fuckin’ help. I’m just saying, what if I fuck it up because I’m bein’ all twitchy?’ _

“Maybe have an excuse ready? Tell him something bad happened… Maybe the team is thinking of trading you or something.”

_ ‘No, I’m too good. He’d never believe it.’ _ Neil laughed even though Matt was absolutely right. _ ‘I’ll tell him I had an endorsement deal fall through.’ _

“Okay, that’s good. Sounds perfect and not uncommon for now, right?” Neil frowned again even though Matt couldn’t see it. “I really am sorry, Matt. I didn’t want this to be hard for you.”

_ ‘Well, it’s going to be. But if this really is the guy, then there’s no way I’m not goin’ to help pin him if I can. Just be careful, okay little buddy?’ _

“I will. Promise.”

Andrew made his way into the kitchen as Neil hung up. He was shirtless with his sweats slung low on his hips and his hair in absolute disarray like a fucking rat’s nest in the back. 

_ He’s gorgeous in the mornings. _

He gave Neil a kiss before hip checking him out of the way to finish making the coffee. “Who was on the phone?”

“Matt. He’s freaking out about having to be with James all day.”

Andrew shrugged. “He should’ve thought of that before he agreed to it.”

Neil rubbed a spot on Andrew’s shoulder and then kissed it for good measure before heading to the fridge and pulling out the food they’d grabbed for breakfast on their way in.

“I don’t blame him... You know how close he’s gotten to Robin. And now he has to look the man that might’ve had something to do with her trauma right in the eye. How would you feel if you were in that situation with Nathan?”

Andrew put the pot on the carafe and flipped the switch to start brewing. He turned to look at Neil, crossing his arms. 

“I’d kill him.”

“Well...” Neil gestured vaguely, “There you go. Matt isn’t quite as murderous as you, but I’m sure it feels not great.” He unwrapped the quiche they’d bought last night and went to stick it in the toaster oven. 

“Is he still going to do it?”

Neil nodded, grabbing two mugs from the cabinet. “He wants to help. He’ll do whatever he can. I just feel bad... I should’ve thought about it sooner.”

Andrew, very typically, shrugged again. “As long as he’s willing to help, he can have a breakdown later. Go shower first, I’ll finish the food.” He kissed Neil again but stopped him when he turned to go shower with a hand on his wrist. “He’s going to be okay. He wants to help.”

The words were just words, but Neil still felt the ball of anxiety inside him loosen just a bit.

-

Two hours later, they were in the back of a black service van with tinted windows and **_Screw It! Maintenance Services_** painted on the side. 

“Nice name,” Neil said.

“I know. ‘ere.”

“What’s this?” Andrew caught the bag Ramsey tossed at them. He opened it and looked inside, rifling around a bit.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

* * *

Neil was still trying not to fucking giggle as they entered the building. 

“If you don’t stop laughing I’m going to push you in front of a bus,” Andrew hissed at him.

The bag contained their fucking  _ disguises _ . Maintenance uniforms of course, but there were also wigs, which they were both sporting, Neil with a short black one that reminded Andrew of when they’d first met and Andrew with a brown thing that strongly resembled a mullet. 

_~~And not a fucking cool one.~~ _

To top it all off, Neil, of course, sported a very bushy, fake mustache. 

_ Fucking stupid. _

“I don’t know why you’re laughing anyway,” he mumbled. “You look like someone’s pervert uncle.”

Neil snorted so loud at that, that Ramsey had to turn around and shoot them dirty looks. 

He took them around the perimeter of the building, getting them where they needed to go Andrew assumed, to stay out of view of the cameras. They finally made it to the maintenance elevators, where Ramsey used a fob to open it up. 

“No cameras in these lifts, but keep your ‘eads down,” Ramsey muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

Andrew’s heart was pounding with adrenaline that he wasn’t sure came from nerves or excitement. He looked to Neil to see if he seemed nervous. 

He just seemed pervy in that fucking wig and mustache.  _ And that helped. _

Once the doors opened to that familiar hallway, Ramsey immediately turned to the left and disappeared into a room with a nondescript gray door. He was in there long enough for Neil and Andrew to share a look, but then he was back. 

Nodding, he handed them a fob, too. 

“Cameras and security are disabled. Get in, get out, yeah?”

They both nodded. 

“I’m goin’ to be out ‘ere, jus’ in case anyone else comes up. I’ll send a message to your phones if you need to leave through the stairs. Got it?”

They nodded again. 

“Go.”

And they went. 

Walking quickly, Andrew unlocked the door with the fob and a shaky hand that he didn’t even bother covering. He’s never been this nervous - yes, nervous - during any of his other illegal deeds but alas...

As the door swung open, it revealed ridiculous and stupid fucking wealth, and that was the only way to really describe it. It was all open, the kitchen, living area, and dining room flowed from one into the other with furniture that looked as though it’d never been used and decor that probably sold for millions. It was, as Seth would say, ‘ _ Dumb Stupid’ _ and not even in the fucking good way. 

_ Anyway _ , from Andrew’s memory, he automatically turned to the left for the bedrooms. He grabbed Neil’s hand and squeezed it once before they separated and each headed to a room, per their plans. 

Andrew hurried into the one at the end of the hall, trying to scratch his scalp under the itchy wig when he realized this must’ve been James’s bedroom. There was a giant king-sized bed taking up most of the space, a stupidly modern dresser with a TV mounted above it opposite the bed, and two small glass nightstands on either side. A desk was pushed off to the side and like any experienced semi-criminal, he headed there first, opening drawers and rifling through them as carefully as his limited time would allow. 

There wasn’t much. Office supplies, stationery, real estate papers -

Andrew looked at those carefully, searching for anything that might stand out or any mention of Stanza Rim. 

_ Nothing. _

He looked in all the drawers of the nightstands and the dresser, but it was all the same. All he’d found was a giant bottle of lube and by fuck, Andrew was glad he wore gloves. 

Looking through the dresser, closet, and pockets of his suits there was still

_ Nothing. _

“Fuck,” he muttered. He knew they probably wouldn’t find anything, but  _ still _ . 

Heading out of the room, he found Neil already in the kitchen, almost expertly looking through drawers and cabinets. He looked up when he heard Andrew approach and Andrew shook his head at that fucking mustache. 

Neil grinned. 

“Nothing?” he asked, but Neil shook his head and kept looking. Andrew rooted through the drawers of the entertainment center in the living room when

Their phones buzzed. 

Andrew’s heart lept into his throat and they locked eyes immediately. Andrew pulled out his phone. 

_ ‘ _ Out now.’

“Fuck,” Neil swore. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Come on,” Andrew hissed, grabbing Neil by the wrist and made a run for the door. Neil opened it the tiniest crack and they peered out. 

“Sorry mate! Can’ let you in wi’ ou’ ID. S’too band innit? Tha’s wha’ they tol’ me anyway.”

“Sir,” Andrew sucked in a breath at  _ James’s _ voice. “I don’t know why you think you’re security, but I’m in the middle of a  _ very _ important meeting and I have to grab some paperwork from my apartment. I’ll just be a moment.”

Ramsey went into a very loud, very distracting diatribe about what ‘the ‘igher ups’ would say about letting someone into Mr. Hodges ‘flat’ and the momentary shock of that bullshit gave Neil and Andrew just enough time to slip out the door, shutting it as quietly as they could, before rushing to the stairs. Hurrying inside the door, the two of them froze - Andrew against the wall and Neil pressed against him, head on his shoulder, the both of them breathing hard. 

“Oh! Oh!” Ramsay explained. “No! Ol’ Rupert’s jus’ fine mate, jus’ fine. You gon on a’ead. Jus’ tryna do me job. M’wife is sick - not wi’ the covids but you know... Poor cow.”

They heard James mutter something before his door opened and closed, and a few seconds later Ramsey opened the door to find them where they were huddled together and _definitely_ _not_ pale. He rolled his eyes.

“Get to the lift, the pair of you. Quick like, yeah?” His voice was back to its annoyed rasp. 

They hurried back to the service elevator, down to the lobby of the building, then finally rushed into the  _ Screw it! _ Van. Andrew ripped the wig off his head and collapsed to the floor as Ramsey got in the driver’s side. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” Neil said, dazed. “That was bloody amazing.”

Andrew smacked him with his wig. 

“You’re so fucking weird. The appropriate response is that was terrifying.”

“Right?” Neil said, but he was smiling. 

Andrew ripped the mustache off his face. 

“Ouch!” Neil put a hand to his lip. “Asshole.” Neil shoved him and landed on top of him laughing.

Andrew heard Ramsey sigh heavily. “Fuckin’ amateurs.”

* * *

Ramsey dropped them off a few blocks from Allison’s apartment. Now back in their regular clothes, de-wigged and mercifully de-stached, they pulled on their masks and ducked into a cafe to order lunch. 

Once they had their food, they picked a spot in their outdoor seating, and Andrew sat beside Neil, then pulled out his phone. 

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“So, we just hit the first place we were going to look at. Unfortunately, we found nothing. We knew that was a possibility, but it’s still disappointing. We have another place to look at tomorrow, so hopefully, we’ll have more luck.”

“We know neither of these are the place Robin described,” Neil added. “ _ But _ , if they’re connected at all, we hope we can use them to find out more. Again, huge possibility that they might not, but at least we looked. We’ll update with more detail tomorrow after we check out the second place.”

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

Andrew turned the recording off and stuck his phone back in his pocket. He sighed, “I wish we could record as we’re looking.”

“Yeah, I don’t think having footage of us breaking and entering is a smart move. Much less posting it where James could see it.”

“Yes, I know, thank you.” Andrew ripped open his bag of chips. 

Neil stared down at his phone, his leg bouncing. “I wish I could call Matt - make sure everything’s okay. Do you think he knew something was wrong? That’s why he came back?”

Andrew shook his head. “No. Don’t think so. He would’ve been a lot more worried about getting in if that were the case. I think it was just bad timing.” 

Neil hummed a little and took a bite of his sandwich. They ate quietly for a few minutes, allowing themselves to calm down and just enjoy being together. 

“It was kind of fun though, wasn’t it?” Neil nudged Andrew’s knee with his own under the table.

Andrew threw a chip at him.

-

Neil finally heard from Matt around six. His phone rang and he rushed to get it out of his pocket. He and Andrew were on Allison’s roof with Andrew trying to distract Neil from waiting on this call. 

“Hey,” Neil answered. “Everything go okay?”

‘Yeah, yeah. Fine. I’m starving. I’ll pick up food and meet you at Alli’s?’

“Text me when you’re here and I’ll come down and let you in.”

Matt eventually showed up, Neil and Andrew’s favorite pierogies in hand. 

“Imagine I’m crushing you in a hug,” Matt said when they’d settled in chairs on the roof with their food.

“Done. Tell me everything.”

Matt laughed and shrugged. “It was fine. I just… really tried not to think about it.” He shook his head. “He’s just such a nice guy... I dunno. It’s fucked. What about you two? Find anything interesting?”

“Nope,” Andrew said around a bite. “Wanna tell us why he decided to pop into his apartment while we were breaking and entering?”

Matt choked and set his fork down. “The fuck? He did? We drove separately so we could maintain some distance, and he said he had to run a quick errand before we looked at another house. I didn’t know he was going to his apartment though.” He looked horrified.

“I mean, we got the fuck out of there, obviously. It was just weird, right? Did he act weird? Like he knew something?”

“Nah, he just said he had some more properties he wanted to mention to me, but he left the specs at his office. I assumed that’s where he was going.”

Neil waved it off. “Doesn’t matter now. There was nothing there anyway.”

Andrew stood, gathered their trash, and headed to the door back inside, giving Neil a kiss on the head before leaving. 

Neil watched him go, then looked back at Matt who had a brow raised. 

“What?”

He nodded towards the door. “How’s that going?”

“ _ That _ is going fine. Why do you ask?”

Matt leaned back and put his feet up on the table between them. His eyes squinted just a bit, “Just checking in. We haven’t been able to hang out as much with everything going on. I know you’ve been hunkerin’ down in your oasis townhouse over there, but how are things  _ really _ ?”

Neil leaned back in his own chair and looked over at the skyline for a moment. “Really good, Matt. Honestly...” He felt his brows furrow as he thought of the right words. And then, “Honestly, I’m just really fucking proud of him, you know? He’s worked so hard to get where he’s at. I mean, we both have, sure. We’ve both had to recognize things we were doing that just didn’t work. But... yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck and knew he was dangerously close to sounding sappy. ~~_I can’t help it._~~ “I love him, you know?”

Matt smiled. It wasn’t his usual megawatt, exy star, grin. It was small but so genuine, so authentically Matt that he missed their days living in his highrise for a minute - Matt singing while cooking, playing truth or dare, feeling like Matt was a tether when everything felt like it was falling apart,  _ and I was falling apart with it. _

“I know, little buddy.”

* * *

Andrew didn’t go back up to the roof. He knew Neil and Matt hadn’t been able to hang out as much with everything going on, so he gave them space. To make up the time, he changed and queued up a movie on Allison’s big TV, and when Matt left, they watched Howl’s Moving Castle and fell asleep on the couch. 

Basically perfect. 

Which was good, because the next morning Ramsey was sitting on that couch, his surly mug reminding Andrew why they were there in the first place. 

They were waiting until a bit later in the afternoon this time. It was Saturday, so the hope was that any families that might’ve been home would be out doing whatever it was families did on Saturday afternoons. Especially after such strict lockdown, Andrew gathered that people were sick of staying inside of their homes. So he was pretty much banking on a mass exodus of the suburbs during their ‘ _ B&E’  _ window. 

“The ‘ouses are too close together to come a’ it from the fron’,” Ramsey explained. “We’re goin’ to enter from the back. There’s a wooden area no’ far from the back of the ‘ouse and we’ll be be’er hidden comin’ from tha’ direction.”

“Cameras?” Andrew asked.

“Only in the fron’. Two inside, bu’ they’re wifi connected so it’ll be easy enough to knock ou’ the internet and cameras in one go. Security is standard. Clip the righ’ wire and we’re golden.”

That was a relief. Hopefully, this one didn’t require ridiculous disguises. 

“You’ve staked the place?” Neil asked.

Ramsey didn’t answer. Just leveled him with his patent annoyed look. 

“I’ll take that as a yes. Nothing looked out of place? Do you think it’s worth poking around in the woods behind the house?”

Ramsey shook his head. “Don’ think you’ll find anythin’. I’ve been back there for three days and all I’ve seen are frisbees and footballs.”

~~_Soccer or football footballs?_ ~~

_ Focus. _

“Fine,” Andrew said, standing and grabbing his boots to put them on. “Let’s get this over with.”

-

They drove to Newark instead of taking the train. It made more sense for what they needed to do, anyway. They took an old beater car Ramsey had somehow procured. It wasn’t a rental and it had New Jersey plates that Andrew would bet his Maserati were fake. 

“No moustache this time?” Neil asked from the back. He got in without them having to discuss it. Ramsey was driving and Neil knew Andrew would want to be up front if he wasn’t behind the wheel. 

“Sorry to disappoin’,” Ramsey grumbled from beneath his mask. “Put your ‘ats on to ‘ide your faces. I did check the surrounding ‘ouses. No cameras. One’s vacant and the other ‘as a family I saw packin’ their car yesterday. They should be gone. Either way, they’d have to be lookin’ a’ jus’ the righ’ time and care enough to call the cops.”

It’d make more sense to Andrew, of course, for them to do this under the cover of night. The problem with that plan was that they couldn't guarantee James would be busy enough not to go to there on a whim. It didn’t make sense for Boyd to want to look at houses when he couldn’t  _ see _ them. Ramsey had come bearing baseball caps this morning, so that’s what they were going with.

They didn’t park at the house for obvious reasons. They didn’t even park in the fucking neighborhood, but instead at a gas station nearby. 

“We’re goin’ to go in this gas station, ou’ the back door, into the woods behind it. That’ll lead us to the neighborhood and into the garden of the house. This way we look like we’re doin’ somethin’ and no’ jus’ walkin’ into the woods in case anyone sees.”

“Got it,” They both said.

Getting out of the car with masks in place and baseball caps donned, Andrew was sure they looked like they were going to break into a fucking house, but no one paid them any mind. Whether Ramsey paid an employee off or whether he just didn’t care, Andrew didn’t know. 

They went straight to the back of the store and out a backdoor, walking into the woods that were a short distance away. Ramsey led them in front, following some invisible path Andrew couldn’t see or comprehend. 

Why the fuck did he wear these giant ass boots to go traipsing through the goddamned woods? He was making so much fucking noise he sounded like a drunk elephant. In fact, he almost fell once but thankfully Neil caught his elbow before he could truly make a fool out of himself. 

~~_I’m losing my touch._ ~~

_ There’s something metaphorical about that. _

It only took about ten minutes of walking before the treeline began to thin and Andrew could make out houses. They were all the same in that developmental sense. Perfect homes with perfect yards. Some had toys in the back - slides and swings. All had patios with grills and tables with umbrellas. 

A suburban dream.

It was something he’d never had as a kid. Something, back then, he would’ve killed for. Even at Cass’s perfect house with the ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ sign above the fireplace, it was too tainted to ever feel like a home. 

He had it with Neil, though.

Not this cookiecutter place but... well, it was, wasn’t it? A small townhouse with a back deck, a lawn he had to grunt about cutting, bunnies and birds and two cats and

_ and and and _

Well, fuck.

_ Anyway _ . 

They stopped just inside the treeline behind one of the houses. This one didn’t have anything in the backyard but an empty patio. 

“Tha’s our target” Ramsey said. “Stay ‘ere until I give you a signal. I’m goin’ to take care of the wifi and security. Do  _ not _ run out of these woods like you’re rushin’ to break into a fuckin’ ‘ouse. Walk  _ calmly _ .”

Andrew and Neil agreed, then watched Ramsey as he made his way to the house so confidently, Andrew could’ve been convinced he was the fucking owner. Neil bounced on the balls of his feet. 

“Calm down,” Andrew said. “You’re making me twitchy.”

“You’re not already twitchy? I’m twitchy as fuck.”

“Yes, I can tell.” Andrew kept his eyes glued on the house, waiting for Ramsey to give them the okay.

“I just want you to know,” Neil started quietly, “that out of all the people in the whole world, you’re the one I’d want to break into a house with.”

Andrew looked at him - at his honest face and those blue fucking eyes so bright in the afternoon sun... At the freckle on his ear that he’d noticed when he was a thirteen year old kid, because there had always been something about it Andrew wanted to kiss. 

“Idiot.”

He looked back to the house just in time to see Ramsey give them a short wave. Andrew took a deep breath and then they stepped out together from the treeline. 

The backyard was small, so it was only a few short steps to the back door. Ramsey opened it and let them in, having already unlocked it somehow and quickly. Andrew wondered if he should ask for tips. 

They already knew the layout of the house, since Ramsey had once again sent them floorplans and pictures of the inside of one of the identical houses  **for sale** down the block. Upon entering through the patio door, they were immediately in the livingroom. The bedrooms were ahead in a hallway to the left and kitchen on the right. They headed right for the bedrooms, Andrew taking the master again and Neil taking the other, which looked like it’d been converted into an office. 

They weren’t actually certain James was even living in this house, to be honest. It was owned by the same Stanza Rim company, but they didn’t have anything to link that company to James. It could be a property management company or something for all they knew.

But the moment Andrew stepped into the bedroom, he knew it was  _ his _ . He couldn’t exactly put his finger on why... but it was much more modest than the one in the Manhattan apartment. The bed didn’t dominate the room, at least. 

Andrew worked quickly, pulling out drawers, feeling under the mattress, checking pockets of suits and

Nothing interesting. 

He left the room and joined Neil in the office where he was still rooting through the desk. 

“Anything?” 

Neil shook his head and murmured, “Not yet,” eyes trailing to the other drawer, which he opened after closing the one he’d been riffling through with his thigh. “ _ But _ , he’s definitely staying here. His name’s on everything. There’s just so much shit here, I’m afraid I’ll miss something.”

Andrew came to stand beside him and helped him look. He pulled open the bottom drawer and filed through what looked like one sheet for every fucking property he ever sold. 

_ Why the fuck would he keep these? _

They made quick work of the rest of the room and left, heading for the kitchen. Ramsey was looking out of one of the windows in the front of the house, staying out of sight but keeping watch. 

But,  _ nothing. _

They found absolutely nothing and by the end, Andrew was desperately searching for an attic trap or basement entrance. If there were either, he couldn’t find them. 

They left the house utterly discouraged. Again -  _ Nothing _ . This entire trip had turned up nothing.

_ What if we’re wrong? _

What if James had nothing to do with this?

They were basing this entire thing on the fact that he had a deal with the Moriyamas  _ one time _ for  _ one property _ . Honestly, it would’ve been weird if he  _ hadn’t _ sold property to them at some fucking point. Afterall, he made multi-million dollar deals in the city all the fucking time. 

Andrew stomped his way through the woods, annoyed and pissed. 

But then Neil took his hand and squeezed, and Andrew felt a little better navigating the woods with him.

* * *

When they got back to Reynolds’ place, they took a quick shower together. 

Comforting touches were exchanged, but went no further. Neil wouldn’t have minded, but Andrew wasn’t in the right headspace. He gave his partner a shoulder rub while he stood under the hot spray instead, and Neil thought he looked a little more relaxed once they were done and dressed again.

They sat on the roof afterward and Andrew pulled out his phone as they lounged close on the two-seater they always ended up on. 

_ The one where I wrapped my pinky around his. _

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“We just got done looking at the second property,” Andrew said. He sounded tired. He bit his lip ring once before continuing. “We didn’t find anything. I don’t know why I’d been so sure we would, but I was wrong.”

“So, here’s the thing,” Neil took over for him, “We had an address for a property we knew was connected to the name we have. That property gave us another name. That  _ other _ name led us to a second property. We looked at it today, and like Andrew said, we found nothing. But we  _ were _ able to connect these names to each other, which means we do have something here. We’re going to take this info home and see what we can come up with. We’re disappointed, but this wasn’t a waste and we’re not going to give up. I think these are good leads. We just need to make the most of them.”

Andrew nodded, straightening a bit. “We’re going to dig deeper into this name we have... Look at it’s background if we can find it. We’re still searching.”

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

Andrew turned the video off and sighed, leaning into Neil and laying his head on his shoulder. They looked out over the neighborhood, which felt so familiar by now.

Neil knew Andrew was discouraged. He was discouraged, too, but this wasn’t over. If James was involved, they’d figure it out. 

They’ll get there and they  _ will _ figure out what happened to Haley. 

_ And after? _

Maybe after they could take that winter trip to Colorado they always talked about.

* * *

They left early Sunday for Palmetto, and Andrew had never been so happy so walk into his own home again. The cats greeted them enthusiastically at the door and Andrew picked up King who was trying to climb her way up his leg. He buried his face in her fur for a moment, before putting her back down, giving Sir a squeeze, then followed Neil upstairs to their bedroom. They dumped their bags on the floor, just barely remembered to wash their hands, then immediately fell into bed - kicking off shoes and clothes as an afterthought. 

-

They napped until they woke up starving. Too eager to get home, they forgot to stop for food beyond gas station snacks, so instead, they ordered pizza because no one felt like cooking, and no one felt like leaving. 

They sat together at their dining room table, eating quietly. 

“I missed home,” Neil said. Andrew hummed an agreement. “So, what’s next?”

Andrew put his slice down and wiped greasy fingers on a napkin. “Well,” he swallowed, “We have the company name, so maybe we try to figure that shit out. I know a google search didn’t turn anything up, but maybe we look a little deeper. I also think we should try and figure out James’s background. Where did he go to school? Where has he worked? We can try to see if the dates of the disappearances are in conflict with dates he was somewhere else.”

Neil nodded. “Got it. Maybe we’ll be able to rule him out altogether.”

Andrew didn’t know if he wanted that or not. Obviously, if James wasn’t Steven then he’d like to know. But if James wasn’t Steven 

_ Then we’re back to square one. _

Neil’s phone rang and he flipped it around to show that it was an unknown number again. He answered and put it on speaker, setting it on the table between them. 

“Yes?” he asked, affecting boredom as he took a sip of his water and pulled his knee up to his chest, heel on the edge of his seat. 

_ ‘Mr. Hartford, this is Reo Sato, the Moriyama family attorney.’ _

Andrew ground his teeth - both because this was the guy who sent him the cease and desist in season one, and the causal use of  _ Hatford _ , which Neil did not correct. 

“What can I help you with, Mr. Sato?”

Okay, here’s the thing... Despite his annoyance, when Neil went into what Andrew now thought of as his _Hatford_ _Voice_ , he really couldn’t help himself. Neil was confident, smooth, _powerful_. 

Dangerous.

_ ‘Lord Moriyama instructed me to call you regarding James Hodges. Our official position is that we dealt with Mr. Hodges on one property. He is no one of interest to us. We have no plans to work with him in the future.’ _

“And Phillip Hull?”

Sato was quiet on the other end.  _ He knows something. ‘I was not instructed to give you any information about Phillip Hull. It’s my understanding that Lord Moriyama informed you that Mr. Hull dealt with his father, and he therefore has nothing of note to share with you.’ _

“No, I don’t believe he does,” Neil sighed. “But I think  _ you _ do.”

_ ‘I don’t-’ _

“Did you know Phillip Hull? Deal with him? Did you also deal with James Hodges?”

Again, Sato was quiet.  _ ‘I was not instructed to give you any information about Phillip Hull.’ _

He hung up.

“Well,” Neil said, giving Andrew  _ that _ smile - the one he thought was the Butcher’s but wasn’t. It was all Neil. 

And Neil was all Andrew could see. 

“- wasn’t that interesting?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeee!!!! That was a fun one. We hope you guys loved it as much as we did ^^ We are SO EXCITED for the next chapter!!!
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Thank you for the consistent love everyone. Seriously. we've been getting some new readers and seeing everyone react to it all over again just makes our fucking days. So seriously, thank you, thank you, and a million times thank you!
> 
> Don't forget to keep up with our socials!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)
> 
> And if you want to be involved in the case, definitely email foxholenetwork@gmaill.com and njosten.foxhole@gmail.com. We really want to start incorporating yall into this again!!!
> 
> Oh and don't forget to check out the still bloodydamnit made of Andrew and Neil on the rooftop of Alli's apartment, which you can find here!
> 
> See yall in two weeks! STAY SAFE, WEAR A MASK, ACAB, AND BLM!


	15. Episode 3: Interview with the Trojan Horse Podcast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The boys interview Sarah Alvarez and Laila Dermott from the Trojan Horse podcast and they finally get a forensic sketch of Steven._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to episode 3!!  
> We’re a little late with this chapter, but we’ve been super swamped with personal stuff here lately! Hopefully this chapter makes up for it. 
> 
> Content Warnings:  
> Explicit sex scene – if you want to skip, there’s an * marking where it starts and stops.  
> Mention of past abuse by Andrew and Robin  
> Mention of the crimes committed by Steven  
> Scene about their scars
> 
> I think that’s it?? If you can think of any more, let us know!  
> We hope you enjoy this chapter! Things are picking up quick at this point!
> 
> Theme song/opening of all the new video episodes can be found [here](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/189424208048/trailer-red-rabbits-season-2-the-case-of-the)  
> !

[ Opening piano - Strange Fruit Instrumental by Billie Holiday ]

**_Robin Cross:_ **

_In 2018, the United States National Center for Missing and Exploited Children assisted law enforcement and families with more than 25,000 cases of missing children._

_Of those 25,000, less than 1% were due to non-family abductions._

_Less than 1%._

_You’re listening to Season 2 of Red Rabbits: The Case of the Newark 9._

_My name is Robin Cross._

_I’m number 8._

_And I survived._

* * *

* * *

“Welcome to the new episode of Red Rabbits. We hope you’re all on board with this new video format. It’s been much more convenient for us right now and we think it makes more sense. We’ll still be uploading as a podcast though, for those of you that want to listen. All visuals will be attached in the description of the episode.”

Andrew addressed the camera confidently. _He’s good at this_ , Neil thought, not for the first time. Coming off their trip to New York, he seemed to have a new _spark_. 

Neil loved it. 

They sat in their podcast chairs, the office sun-warmed and cozy, both cats dozing in the sunlight while they recorded and utterly unconcerned with what their humans were up to. 

“As you know from the video we posted last week, we took a field trip to look at some properties that we believe are connected to Steven,” Andrew continued. “It’s been frustrating for us as hosts of Red Rabbits because we can’t give you details. One, because we risk tipping off the wrong people and two, because we’re walking a very fine line here.”

Neil nodded his head in agreement. “Exactly. And just as a general note for any podcast working on an active case, if it can be proven that any evidence found - no matter how crucial - was found in less than legal means -”

“Journalistic means,” Andrew interjected.

Neil pointed to him in agreement and continued, “Then it can be inadmissible in court. Aka, thrown completely the fuck out.” 

Of course, that’s not exactly what they meant. Breaking into someone's home... _twice_... wasn’t exactly ‘journalistic means’ - at least not ethically, according to Andrew. But they couldn’t say that here. 

“So we’re going to have to ask you all to bear with us as we navigate this landscape and obtain all the info we need,” Andrew said, eyes still on the camera. “We can’t risk anything we’re doing here.”

“And we won’t.”

* * *

* * *

“Let’s make a list.”

Neil didn’t respond, body curled up beside him in the bed and cheek squished into his pillow. Andrew nudged him. “Neil,” he whispered. “Neeeeeeeil.”

Neil groaned/whined and rolled over. It was late, the open curtains letting in the cool light of a not-quite-full-moon, but Andrew kept going over and over all the shit they needed to get done with the case and he needed to get it down. 

Now. 

“The fuck, Drew?” Neil whispered back. 

“Why are we whispering? No one lives here but us.”

Neil stopped rubbing his face and squinted at him. “I’m whispering because you’re whispering.”

“Well stop,” Andrew hissed.

“You first.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds before cracking up. Neil sighed dramatically and sat up, playfully shoving Andrew in the process. “Well, I’m up now, jerk. What list are we making?” 

Andrew jumped out of bed to find his journal and his favorite purple pen because now, he was energized. New York had yielded very little in the way of answers, but he just had this gut _feeling_ that they were headed in the right direction. And he always tried to make a point of trusting his gut. 

When he came back to the bed, journal in hand, Neil was stretched out on their sheets, blanket kicked off and one hand lazily rubbing his stomach. He rolled his head to look at Andrew with a smile and -

Sometimes Neil would do something like smile or laugh with his head tipped back, or run one finger lazily over Andrew’s stomach and Andrew would think something ridiculous like, ‘ _This is what I’m going to see when I die.’_

“Are you making the list from over there? Because that’s great for you, but I’m staying in bed.”

Andrew forced an eye roll and sat on the bed, gesturing for him to sit up. 

Neil tilted his head, smirk on his lips and eyes -

_Focus._

“Okay,” Andrew started, refusing to let himself get distracted as he instead bit the end of his pen for a second to center his thoughts. “We need to look into Stanza Rim. See if we can find anything else about it.”

“Yes.”

“I also want to look into James more... See if we can figure out who the fuck he is. Where’d he go to school? What’s his background? I feel like that’ll give us a lot of answers.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Ah, fuck. I still need to confirm with Trojan Horse the time for our interview.”

“Interview, right.”

Andrew looked over at Neil, who had not gotten up as Andrew had politely suggested. His hand was still on his stomach and his eyes were closed again. 

“Then, I thought we could really show Seth and have a courthouse wedding. We don’t even need witnesses, you know? They’ll provide them for us. Should make Stuart happy.”

“Mmmmm, that sounds perfect. Matt would kill me if he’s not invited though.”

Andrew snorted and kicked him in the thigh. “Get up, would you? I need to get all this shit out of my head.” 

Neil sighed and finally sat up in a rush, his hair a mess in the back from where he’d been laying and his eyes all squinty. “Fine, fine,” he forced out. “Trojan horse. Jame’s past. We also need to figure out what to do about Ichirou. Sato knows something and we need to figure out what it is.”

Andrew chewed on his pen some more. ~~_Definitely not COVID approved_ ~~ ~~.~~ They were going to have to be careful about how they approached it. 

“I guess I need to let the Hatford Family Prince handle that.”

Neil snorted a laugh. “Yeah, Prince. I’m sure I have some cousins that would be offended by that notion. I’ll talk to Stuart about it and see how to approach it. I feel like Ichirou is quickly running out of patience. I just don’t know if we call him directly or go after Sato himself...”

“Another call I won’t be privy to?”

And Andrew didn’t care. Not really. But when Neil had to have conversations with his uncle about the _family business_ , they took place where Andrew was not. He thought Neil told him most of what was happening anyway, but he suspected he left a thing or two out for Andrew’s protection. Stuart kept dropping hints that this would all be easier if they just got married. 

Andrew kept telling him to go fuck himself. 

Neil shrugged, “If it’s just about how to approach Ichirou, I don’t think it matters. What else?”

“The sketch artist is coming next week. Hopefully, that works out in our favor.”

Neil yawned. “Hopefully.”

Andrew sighed and set his journal aside. “Fine, go to bed. You’ve done your duty.”

Neil flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. “You’re gonna be up all night aren’t you?”

Andrew slid under the blanket and pulled Neil into his chest. “No. I work better when I actually sleep.”

Neil didn’t respond. He molded his back more firmly to Andrew’s chest and yawned again. “Night Drew.”

Andrew kissed his neck, and when Neil’s breathing had evened out, when Andrew was sure he was in a deep sleep, he took his list and slipped out of bed.

* * *

* * *

“What we _can_ tell you is that we looked at two properties, neither locations we’ll disclose,” Andrew said to the camera, “but both are consistent with where we suspect Steven is and has been. Where he might have Haley.”

“The place we visited was not _the_ place and we knew that upon arrival. But it seemed promising enough that we felt like we at least needed to try. Unfortunately, we found nothing of note - nothing that may point us in one direction or another. But we still think it was notable.”

“Right. And both locations are connected to the same person - which turns out is actually a company and not a person at all. So while we didn’t find anything, _that_ fact is giving us more to go on than we expected.”

Neil nodded and tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. “So our next step is to search this company and see what we can find out about it.”

* * *

* * *

“So, he’s a licensed real estate agent in New York, New Jersey, Delaware, and California randomly.”

“California?” Neil wrinkled his nose. “We hate California. He’s definitely the guy.”

“Ah,” Andrew said, “if only it were that easy. It does look like the California one is the oldest. He was licensed there in 1996.” 

Neil pictured their timeline in his head, brows furrowed. “Makenna was in 1995... and Sophia was in 1998. So, what? He went to California in between and became licensed in real estate?”

Andrew shrugged, eyes glued to his notes. “Maybe. We need to figure out where he went to school. What was his education?”

“How do we even know he went to college? You don’t need a degree to become a real estate agent. He could’ve just decided to get licensed in a bunch of states so he could do more business if he traveled.”

“Maybe,” Andrew agreed, but Neil could tell he didn’t think it was likely. James certainly _seemed_ educated, just from the way he spoke. But that could also mean absolutely nothing. Neil was sure he aimed to project a certain persona to his rich clients and education could definitely be a part of that - but not necessarily. Andrew carried on, “I want to check either way.”

“Okay. So how do we go about doing that, anyway? Who can we talk to? As far as we know, he isn’t affiliated with any real estate companies but his own, and we don’t know anyone that knows him on a personal level.” Unless you counted Matt’s dad, which - 

“What about Boyd’s father?”

Neil shrugged. “He went to a couple of parties at that fancy-ass apartment. That hardly makes them friends though. Besides, I feel bad asking Matt to keep helping with this.” And he did. Matt had done a lot for them when it came to this, but he was sort of like Seth. Neil didn’t know how much he could be pushed before he broke and he knew from the way Dion reacted to Andrew hounding Seth for work before his attack, that Seth had been teetering. He didn’t want to do that to Matt. And besides, he didn’t know how much more they could ask Matt to do without tipping James off...

Neil bit the inside of his lip, wracking his brain and realized, “I think we should ask Stuart.” 

A muscle ticked in Andrew’s jaw as he looked up. “There has to be another way.”

_Here we go._

“Why, though? I’m sure he could run a background check and have this figured out. You didn’t mind when he was helping us break into James’s houses,” he pointed out, but truthfully, he didn’t love relying on Stuart either. However, it seemed like the most straightforward way to get this done. 

Andrew shook his head but didn’t answer immediately. Neil could tell he was choosing his words before he spoke them, so he waited him out. “I don’t like being dependent on him,” Andrew finally said. “I don’t want to feel like we owe him. He already bought this house and it’ll keep adding up until he makes you feel like you have to go to the UK because you feel obligated.”

Neil bristled at that. It had less to do with Andrew thinking he’d be duped into leaving the US and more to do with his comment about Stuart buying the house. “ _You’re_ the one who wanted to do it. You’re the one who told me, _‘think of all the disposable income, Neil!’._ Now it’s a problem for you?”

Andrew stood, shaking his head and brows furrowed, “Stop. Just... just stop for a minute. I don’t want to fight with you and I don’t even know how this became an argument.”

They were in the kitchen, at the table with papers spread out. Over the past few months, they’d tended to migrate all over the house when one room started closing in on them. Andrew walked around the table and went to his knees in front of Neil, taking one of his hands and kissing his knuckles. 

“It’s _not_ a problem for me,” he said, the furrow in his brow still there as he tried to find the proper words. Neil wanted to smooth it out with his thumb. “This is our home. I wanted this house because of how much you loved it, and I’d let Stuart buy us ten houses if that’s what you wanted. I’m just saying I don’t want you to have to rely on him so much.” Andrew tilted his eyes up and looked at him, and Neil marveled for just a moment at how far they’d come. How far _Andrew_ had come. Therapy was good for him, yes. He was working hard on his issues, yes. But more than anything, Andrew wanted this. Wanted _them_ and this house and the cats and their life together and that, more than anything, was what drove him now and sometimes? Neil didn’t know what to do with the feeling in his chest when he saw it. 

“I don’t,” Neil said quietly, finally lifting his hand to smooth a finger between Andrew’s brows, before he dropped his hand to his jaw and rubbed his thumb over his scars. 

“Just let me try first, okay? I’m not going to waste time, but if I can’t get the info in a few phone calls, I’ll let you call Stuart.”

Neil nodded and tracked Andrew’s face as he slowly rose and leaned in until their lips met. He tucked a stray piece of blond behind his partner’s ear. 

“Better make those calls.”

* * *

As it turned out, Andrew didn’t have to call anyone, because James called _them the next day._

Andrew’s heart leapt into his throat when he saw the name on his screen. He almost busted his ass on the stairs, trying to get to Neil while the phone still rang. He poked his head out of the office with a furrowed brow, undoubtedly having heard Andrew’s graceless ascent. He answered the moment Neil was in sight and put it on speaker. 

“James.”

Neil’s eyes widened a fraction and pulled Andrew into the office, pushing him into his chair. 

_‘Mr. Minyard! Is this a bad time? You sound winded.’_

“No,” Andrew said, trying to slow his breathing. Neil was going to be an ass about how he needed more cardio later. “Now is fine.”

_‘Good, good. I just wanted to call and apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I’ve been terribly busy and haven’t been able to find anything regarding your Phillip Hull.’_

_Shocker._

“That’s fine, James. We appreciate you looking. We’re going in a different direction now, anyway,” Andrew told him. Neil stood with his back against the door frame, arms crossed and looking grim.

_‘Oh! Well, let me know if I can help with anything else. I hope you’re able to figure this out. I’m praying for that little girl.’_

Andrew ground his teeth.

“Yes, I’m sure. Has business picked up for you? Last time we spoke the market was hurting.” Andrew had no idea where he was going with this, he just knew he needed to keep James talking. 

_‘It has, as a matter of fact. I’ve had a few clients in the city looking for places, mainly because of the rent crisis but honestly? I think people are just getting a bit bored.’_ James chucked and Andrew made a face, deciding not to go down the road of rent inequality and instead tried to think of a different way to steer the conversation. 

“James, it’s Neil.” Neil pushed off from the door frame, arms crossed as he approached. “I’m glad you called, I’ve been mulling over switching careers.” 

Andrew raised a brow. 

_What the fuck?_

_‘Oh? Not sure how I can help -’_

“Real estate just seems like a great choice? We can’t do this podcast forever and I’m not sure what direction to take. I had plans to start school in the fall though and I haven't decided on a major. Do you need a degree to get your real estate license?” 

You didn’t and Andrew knew Neil knew that because he’d just said it yesterday. However, Andrew could see the path now and he held his breath that it worked. 

_‘No, actually, but it’s definitely helpful for employers to see you have an education. This is so great Neil! I’m happy to help.’_

Neil laughed a friendly laugh Andrew wasn’t sure he’d ever heard before. “I’m glad to hear you say that because I’ll probably have a ton of questions. Do you have a degree then?”

_‘Sure do. I got a degree in Business Administration from USC and just ended up on the real estate path by choice. Still, the degree helped open doors for me when I was starting out, for sure. It’s great that you’re starting classes in the fall. I’d stick with that while you're researching your options.’_

Andrew bit back a smile.

_We got this._

“I definitely will, thank you, James. Is it okay if I call you with any other questions?”

_‘Absolutely! Happy to help!’_

They hung up with James and Andrew looked at Neil - at his amazing, wonderful, _sexy_ partner.

“You’re such a fucking liar.”

Neil grinned.

“I mean, really. How the fuck do you lie so smoothly? What have you been lying to me about this whole time?”

Neil shrugged, eyes practically gleaming with amusement, “I’ve been lying my entire life. It feels more natural than telling the truth most of the time. And... there is one thing I’ve lied to you about.”

Andrew’s stomach dropped, “You gonna make me guess, Josten?”

Neil leaned down to whisper in his ear. “I said the cats must have gotten into the last of the peanut butter tarts, but it was me. I ate them _all._ ”

Andrew made a ‘pfft’ sound before it bled into a laugh as he pulled Neil onto his lap. “I could tell from your peanut butter breath, idiot.”

“Yeah? And here I was thinking I got away with it. Guess my skills aren’t that great after all.” He sighed dramatically and Andrew slapped him playfully on the thigh. 

“Alright, business. All that lying got us what we needed.”

“It did. And I don’t care that we’re not supposed to call until tomorrow, but I’m calling Alvarez and Dermott now.” He wrapped one arm around Neil’s waist as his other hand thumbed through his contacts in his phone as adrenaline pumped through his veins. This could make or break their theory. 

_‘Minyard_ ,’ Alvarez answered. _‘You know we’re three hours behind you, right?’_ She yawned into the phone and Andrew could hear someone, Dermott he guessed, mumble something in the background. 

“I’m aware, I just don’t care. I’ve got Neil here with me.”

“Hey Sarah,” Neil said to the phone. A few days ago they’d met via phone call briefly, discussing the podcast and the Innocence Project. Laila and Sarah had been working tirelessly on the case of Imani’s father, who was still sitting in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. 

_‘Hey, hot stuff. You sick of the little demon yet?’_

Neil laughed and Andrew rolled his eyes. “I’m sure Dermott might have something to say about you and Neil.”

 _‘Dermott thinks it’s a great idea,’_ the woman in question piped in. _‘We’re both firm lesbians, Minyard. But goddamn if he isn’t pretty.’_

Andrew shook his head and sighed. _Why bother with arguing such sound logic..._ “Sorry, he’s busy. Listen, we need to talk to you about the case.”

There was shuffling on the phone like they were moving around. Alvarez’s voice was back a minute later. _‘Isn’t our call scheduled for tomorrow? I could swear Laila said it was tomorrow.’_

“It is, but this is important.”

More shuffling, the click of what sounded like a pen. _‘Go_.’

“We have another name of someone we think may be involved. He’s suspicious as all hell - a real estate agent to a multi-million dollar properties, but there are absolutely zero pictures of him anywhere that we can find.”

 _‘Oh, that’s fuckin weird,’_ Dermott mumbled, then said more clearly, _‘real estate agents are usually all over social media.’_

“Exactly. I don’t think the fact that we could solve this case in a minute with a single picture is a coincidence. So here’s the thing - we just got off the phone with him. He told us he went to school at USC.”

 _‘Oh ho!’_ Alvarez exclaimed, _‘The plot thickens!’_

Both Alvarez and Dermott had done their undergrad at USC and that’s where they currently hosted the Trojan Horse podcast, looking at cases where people had been falsely convicted and shedding light on the biases of the justice system. Their story was very much like Andrew’s and they’d all been in the same graduate program at Columbia. He’d liked them as much as he was able to like anyone in those days. 

They didn’t put on airs - didn’t bullshit. They weren’t afraid to hurt your feelings if it meant pushing you to be better. 

“Indeed it does. So I figured who better to help us research that than the only two people in California I can stand?”

 _‘Aw, Minyard... We’re touched,’_ Alvarez said. _‘Give me the name and the years he was supposed to be at USC and I’ll see what I can find out. Knox might be able to speak to admissions and see what they’ve got._ ’ Jeremy, their assistant director. He was a smiley little shit, but the few times Andrew had met him, he wasn’t all that bad. Just... _bright_. 

Matt Boyd bright.

No. 

Worse than Matt Boyd bright. 

Andrew gave them James’s information and then the entire story. They were silent on the other end, before Dermott finally spoke, _‘You’ve had direct contact with this guy... Before you even suspected him?’_ It wasn’t really a question, but a statement of disbelief. 

Andrew answered anyway. “Yes.”

She loosed a breath, _‘I know you know what you’re doing here, but if this turns out to be a good lead -’_

“We know,” Neil cut her off. “Imani’s father finally gets his freedom. Robin sees her abuser brought to justice. Haley is found - it’s a lot. We’re trying not to get ahead of ourselves.”

 _‘Andrew,’_ Alvarez started, and he knew she was serious because she used his first name. _‘I know you know, but just... be careful with this. One wrong move and the entire thing could blow up on you, for better or worse.’_

“I know I haven’t written anything in a while, but I’m still a journalist. I know the rules.” And the fact that everyone kept reminding him that he could potentially make sure James got away with this on technicalities if he was caught gathering information in the ‘wrong way’ was insulting. This wasn’t his first time around. He’d taken down an entire corporation connected to human traffickers with one hit piece, and he’d gotten that information in not entirely legal ways too. 

Dermott just laughed, _‘We know you do. Sarah’s got a shine for you. She has since you told that asshole in Wilkey’s class that he could take his pick up lines and shove them up his ass when he was hitting on her.’_

Neil snorted and looked at Andrew with a grin. “That sounds like Andrew.”

“What can I say, straight white men are a fucking bore. We’ll call you tomorrow when we’re filming, but call us before then if you find anything, okay?”

‘ _You got it_.’

* * *

* * *

“So switching gears for a minute, way back at the beginning of this season, we mentioned that we’d be talking to the hosts of the Trojan Horse podcast, Sarah Alvarez and Laila Dermott. This season, they’ve been working with the Innocence Project to try and clear the name of one of our 9, Imani Williams’ father, Jeffrey Arlington.” Andrew was opening his laptop as he talked to the camera, setting up the call. Neil continued for him. 

“If you’ll remember, Imani was taken in 1995 in East Harlem. There was security footage of her outside a bodega petting a dog when she looked up and walked out of frame. It looks like someone called for her. She wasn’t seen again after that. Her body was found a month later in Brook Branch Park, Newark. The police had been searching for her within Manhattan limits and it wasn’t until a runner stumbled upon her that she was found.”

Andrew set up the laptop so they were both in the frame and hit call. “Seth is going to hopefully put this up on the screen for us when he edits the video so you all can see everything.”

Neil watched as Laila and Sarah showed up on the screen. _‘Hi, friends!’_ Sarah greeted with a grin. 

“Alvarez,” Andrew replied. “Welcome to Red Rabbits.”

_‘We’re happy to be here. I’m glad we were finally able to set this up.’_

“Us too,” Neil said. California had been hit hard by COVID, so things had come to a standstill on both ends. “Why don’t you introduce yourselves to the listeners?”

_‘Sure. I’m Sarah Alvarez, and this is my partner in podcasting and in life, Laila Dermott,’_

Laila gave a little wave. _‘We’re both journalists from California and completed our graduate degrees with Andrew here, at Columbia. We’ve been working on Trojan Horse for four years now.’_

“What do you do on Trojan Horse, exactly? Trojan is obviously in reference to USC, which is where you both did your undergrad, right?”

 _‘Yep,’_ Alvarez nodded. ‘ _But it’s also a reference to the literal mythos, as well. We deal with cases where people have been falsely accused. They’ve been put up as the proverbial_ **_trojan horse_ ** _, a decoy in the form of disproportionate men of color, so the public is happy and the real perpetrator gets away.’_

Andrew nodded. “We think what you’re doing is really important, and I think it’s interesting how many people don’t realize how often this really happens - especially for BIPOC citizens. We know of the high profile cases, sure - the Central Park 5, Kalief Browder... But this goes a lot deeper than what the media shows. What’s your take on that?”

 _‘You’re absolutely right,’_ Alvarez agreed. _‘BIPOC are more likely to be wrongfully convicted, but Black people, in particular, make up a large number of those cases. How is it that a group of people that make up 13% of the population account for more than half of all wrongful convictions in the country?’_

Neil shook his head. He was still learning. He’d been so heavily in hiding his entire life, he didn’t know the nuance of how the system worked against people of color. He knew surface level, like when they were on their way to pick up Andrew from the airport and he told Matt not to go out in dark sunglasses and a hoodie. But he was still learning the why’s and how’s of it. He was grateful to be educated, really.

“I think the reason is becoming glaringly obvious to those who didn’t know previously. I hope so, anyway. So tell us about Jeffrey Arlington. He’s been in prison for 24 years. Is he still holding out hope?”

 _‘Always,’_ Laila said with an air of determination. _‘We’ve been able to speak to him directly and he’s really one of the sweetest guys we’ve had the pleasure to talk to. His story hasn’t changed once, and more obvious to us than anything is how much he loved Imani. That little girl was his whole world and the pain of losing her was part of why he didn’t fight harder against his conviction.’_

Alvarez picked up where she left off, _‘Finances were also an issue, and maybe it wouldn’t have helped anyway. But he’s in a place now where he’s been able to get a degree and even mentor some of the other prisoners. He uses every minute of his spare time educating himself on the law and his rights.’_

“That’s really, really good,” Neil said and meant it. He didn’t know what he’d do if he was thrown in prison for a crime he didn’t commit, but earning a degree and mentoring others was probably not it. He didn’t have the fortitude. “What do we know about his conviction? What did the prosecutors have against him?”

 _‘Effectively nothing. He had a solid alibi from coworkers that was, of course, never followed up on, and absolutely no physical evidence was found.’_ Sarah seemed to get taller as she spoke, letting her outrage straighten her spine. _‘He and Imani’s mother argued about Imani before she disappeared and he made a comment that he would take Imani from her. Of course, he meant nothing nefarious - only custody, as they weren’t together. But, Imani’s mother mentioned it to the police and they ran with it. Even despite her coming back and saying she didn’t believe he was involved.’_

Andrew pressed his lips together and shook his head, blinking at the screen. “No witnesses or anything?”

‘ _Nope. They had a black man and a throwaway comment. When Imani was found, the medical examiner said she’d been strangled, and determined it would’ve taken a man roughly Jeffreey’s side to match the marks around her neck and the force of pressure applied. That’s apparently all it takes to convict someone._ ’

“Will you be speaking with Jeffrey again?” Neil asked.

 _‘Yes. We stay in close contact and try to keep him up to date. He wanted us to thank you for trying to find the person that took his daughter from him,’_ Laila said. 

“Tell him we’re trying and tell him we’re not going to stop until we figure it out,” Andrew replied, conviction clear in his voice. This was the Andrew Neil could watch all day - Steadfast and sure and _right_. 

_‘We’ll tell him.’_

* * *

* * *

After the interview, Alvarez and Dermott asked Neil and Andrew to stay on. Andrew turned off the camera before sitting back down in front of his laptop. 

_‘So, we have good news and bad news,’_ Alvarez started. _‘Jeremy was able to get in contact with a friend in admissions. She was able to look into the records and she did find a James Hodges that was enrolled at USC.’_

Andrew’s heart sped up. “The bad news?”

_‘He was enrolled and actively seeking a degree from 1994-1998.’_

“Fuck,” Neil breathed. “It overlaps.”

Dermott nodded. _‘So he wouldn’t have been on the east coast when at least four of the girls went missing.’_

Andrew pushed his glasses up on his head and rubbed his face. 

_‘Is it possible your guy is only responsible for some of the girls?’_ Alvarez asked. 

But Andrew shook his head because it wouldn’t make any sense. Not only were all the cases so clearly connected with a timeline and path, but Robin had said Steven had given her all the names. ”No.”

_‘Well, keep us updated. Let us know if you need any more help. Knox has major connections all over California and we’re having drinks with him this weekend.’_

“Thanks, you two,” Neil said, and Andrew was glad because he was beyond words right now. 

Once they hung up, Andrew stood to pace. He’d flung his glasses onto the desk and ran his hands roughly through his hair over and over because _what now?_ Did they keep trying to connect this? What kind of sense would that make? What if there was nothing to connect? They’d be wasting time. 

Neil sat quietly watching him until Andrew’s pacing slowed and stopped altogether. Neil stood and put his hands on Andrew’s shoulders. 

“This isn’t the end,” he said quietly. “We’re going to keep looking.”

“Of course we fucking are,” Andrew said, probably a little too harshly, but he couldn’t reign it in right now. Neil didn’t even blink. “But now we’ve wasted so much fucking time. What was even the point of New York? What was the point of any of it?”

Neil dropped his hands and his lips thinned into a line before he reasoned, “We have to eliminate options to find the right one, Andrew. You know that. Hey -” Andrew had started pacing again and he stopped to look at Neil. “Don’t do this. Just don’t. Don’t decide that you fucked up. That’s not what this is.”

Andrew bit his lip ring and closed his eyes. When he opened them, they locked onto Neil’s bright blues. “It can’t be him. It wouldn’t make sense.”

“I know.”

“Then why do I feel like we shouldn’t write him off?” He felt stupid right now - childish... Like he was throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get the toy he wanted. But he’d been so fucking _sure_ this was the lead they’d been looking for, only to have every bit of hope crushed. 

“Then we won’t. But we have to look at other possibilities. I’m calling Stuart.”

Andrew opened his mouth to argue, but Neil held up his hand. “No. We did this your way. I didn’t call Stuart because you didn’t want me to. I’m calling him now and I’m going to see if he can run a full check on this guy so we can get a history. Let me do this.”

 _He’s right_ . Andrew knew that. He was letting his own pride get in the way of finding Haley, and _what kind of asshole am I?_ He hated depending on the Hatfords, yes - hated Neil having to have hushed conversations because there were things Andrew couldn’t be privy to for ‘his protection’. And yes, it _was_ bullshit. He hated it. 

_But it has to be done._

Andrew grit his teeth. “Fine.”

Neil nodded once, then approached slowly, leaned in, and gave Andrew a lingering kiss on his forehead. “You’re amazing, you know?”

Andrew scoffed, but there was nothing behind it. _No_ , he didn’t know. 

But Neil made him want to believe it.

* * *

They were half dozing on the couch with the cats when Andrew’s phone rang. They both jumped, on high alert, waiting for Stuart to call. 

Andrew smiled when he saw who it was though and answered the Facetime call. Neil smiled at Andrew smiling. 

“Hey Bells.”

 _‘Unkie!’_ She’d obviously been crying and Andrew’s smile turned into a quick frown of concern. 

“What’s wrong?” Both of them sat up. 

_‘Dylan tore my boooooooook!’_ The word book ended on a wail, and Bella held up a copy of The Giving Tree with one of the pages ripped almost in half. 

“Oh no!” Andrew said, features smoothing once he realized there was no immediate danger. “I’m sorry. She’s just a baby, she doesn’t know better. You must be pretty upset, huh?”

Bella’s lip trampled as she nodded. “That’s okay. I’d be upset, too. But I’m proud of you for talking about why you’re sad. What do you think we can do so she doesn’t get another book?”

Bella sniffled. _‘Put them ‘way.’_

“Bella, you are so smart. That’s a great idea. Maybe put your books with paper pages where Dylan can’t reach them and put the board books that she can’t hurt towards the bottom. Does that sound okay?”

Bella nodded. ‘ _Yeah...’_ She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. 

“Good. Now, I happen to have another copy of that book. You want me to send it to you?”

 _‘Yes! I can’t read this one no more.’_ Bella mumbled, pouting at her book with her lips pursed and brows all scrunched up and -

And Neil was amazed. He was enthralled. He was smiling like a fucking idiot because this was the same man that glared at anyone and everyone who looked at him sideways - the same man that could silence someone with one fucking word. And here he was, staying on a level a five-year-old could understand, but never speaking down to her. 

They spoke for a few more minutes, the smile stuck on Neil’s lips as he watched, before Bella, happy and smiling again said, ‘ _Daddy wants to talk to you.’_

“Okay. Call me soon, alright? I want to hear all about it when you start homeschooling.”

_‘Kay! DADDDYYYY! ITS UNKIE!’_

There was some shuffling and Neil heard Aaron take the phone. Taking that as his cue, he sunk down into the couch and put his head in Andrew’s lap. Andrew’s fingers dug into Neil’s hair with one hand while he held his phone with the other. 

_‘Hey. Thanks for calming her down. She thought you were the only one that would feel the depth of her pain, I guess.’_

“Yes, well. She was right.”

Aaron had been able to finally go home a couple of weeks ago after being assigned to help out in the COVID unit at his hospital. As a result, he’d had to stay away from home and in that time, he was fucking miserable, from what Neil gathered. He missed a lot of firsts for Dylan, who was coming up on a year old now. 

~~_Holy shit. I’ve been with Andrew for over a year_ ~~

_‘Listen, I need to talk to you about something.’_

Andrew sighed. “What happened?”

_‘I got switched to the COVID unit for over a month, that’s what happened. Look, I know you’re not a fan of this or whatever, and Kate and I have never really seen the point but... we’ve talked it over and we’re going to get married.’_

Neil shot his eyes up at Andrew who looked... surprised? “Oh,” he said, fingers stilling in Neil’s hair. “Okay?”

_‘For now, we’re just going to go to the courthouse or something, but we just really feel like with all this shit going on, it’s more security. There won’t be any argument over what goes where if something happens to one of us and we don’t have to worry about being considered family or not. People will also stop calling us boyfriend and girlfriend which Kate hates.’_

Andrew didn’t say anything. 

Aaron sighed and continued, _‘I just feel like I should tell you. And... once all this is over, she wants a small wedding. Kind of just to have everyone together to celebrate after being apart for so long. I wanted to see...’_

“Yes?”

_‘If you’ll be my best man.’_

Neil’s jaw dropped. He knew Aaron and Andrew had gotten closer. Aaron called just to talk sometimes and they played video games together with Nicky as often as they could. 

Still. 

This felt like a whole new level. 

“Yes.” Andrew’s reply was nearly automatic. Neil had to give it to him, he barely hesitated. 

_‘Okay. That’s...’_ Aaron sighed, _‘yeah. Thanks. By the way, Bella is jealous of the GuncleS onesie. She’s demanding a shirt.’_

Neil laughed out loud at that one. Pretty much, a baby onesie company approached him on twitter to create a GuncleS onesie specifically for him and it made him laugh every fucking time he thought about it. Dylan was the proud owner of a onesie that proclaimed **I LOVE MY GUNCLES** , and Andrew was incredibly pleased about it. 

“Tell her I’ll send it with her book. We still on for tonight?”

_‘Yep.’_

“Good. Talk to you then.”

Once they hung up, Neil kept his eyes on Andrew’s face from his place in his lap - smile spreading wide on his lips. “Best man, huh?”

“Shut up.”

“What? I think it’s great. You’re going to wear a suit and stand up in front of a bunch of people and OH MY GOD -”

“What?”

Neil lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper, “You’re going to have to give a speech. Doesn’t the bast man have to give a speech? I’m so fucking excited.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and his head moved with it. “You’re not invited,” he said, poking Neil in the side and Neil squirmed away, smile plastered and hinting on smirking territory. 

“Yes, I am. Katelyn loves me. I’m a Guncle. I have to be there.”

Andrew poked him again and it turned to full-on tickling, which turned into wrestling. Andrew ended up on top of him with Neil’s legs wrapped tight around his waist, trying to throw him off. But he was caught. Deciding he was desperate, he leaned up and gave Andrew a quick kiss. 

Andrew was the one smirking now. “You can’t kiss your way out of losing.”

Neil kissed him again. “Yes” _kiss_ “I” _kiss_ “can” _kiss_. And while he determined that Andrew was suitably distracted with softness in his eyes, he tried to twist away again like a fucking sneak attack, but a sudden stretching pain on the side of his torso had him hissing. 

Andrew backed off immediately, sitting up and removing his hands. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Neil shook his head and waved a hand at him, sighing. “Just my scars. They’re tight today. I haven’t been putting the cream on them.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes on him as he tsked. “Neil. What the fuck. Stay here.”

Neil tried to call after him, but he was already gone. Blowing out a long breath, he sat up, took his shirt off, and threw it to the floor. Looking down at his scars, he laid back into the couch and frowned softly to himself as he traced his finger along one made by a very sharp blade on his side. Andrew came back with the cream and stopped to watch Neil for a moment. 

“I remember how I got every single one of these,” Neil murmured quietly. 

_A butcher knife._

_Jumping out of a moving car._

_A bullet._

“I do too,” Andrew said. Neil just raised a brow at him as he approached and knelt on the floor beside the couch. He opened the jar of cream they both used for their scars. 

“You do?” 

“Yeah. Like, this one?” Andrew traced a light finger over the one Neil had just been touching - the one his father had given him when he was four. “Swordfight. You really put that pirate prince in his place. It was the moment I knew you were the one for me.”

Neil laughed and brushed Andrew’s hair away from his face when he bent his head to kiss the scar before putting cream on it. 

“And this one?” Andrew continued, “That high-speed chase with the cops after we robbed that bank together. Was a close call, but we made it by the skin of our teeth.” He looked up at Neil with those _honey_ eyes, brushing his thumb along the stretch of ruined skin. 

“Hey, what happened to all that money?” Neil asked, smiling **,** ~~smitten~~. 

“We gave it to an orphanage, remember? They needed it more than us.” Andrew kissed that scar, too, and Neil swallowed hard.

It continued that way over Neil’s entire torso - the stories becoming wilder and Andrew’s kisses lingering longer with each brush of his lips. 

“These,” Andrew murmured, voice almost a whisper. He held Neil’s hand and rubbed a thumb over the scars Lola had given him. “I read a book* once, and it had a story about Fate and Time falling in love.” Honey eyes looked up to him again and Neil felt his heart give a _squeeze_. “That’s where these are from.”

“From Fate and Time falling in love?”

“Mm...” Andrew hummed, “And how the stars conspired to separate them.”

Neil’s breathing hitched. He could feel his heart pound in his chest. “What happened?”

“They found each other again because even the stars weren’t strong enough to tear them apart.” He kissed each one of Neil’s knuckles and Neil had to close his eyes against the unfamiliar joy of absolute belonging. 

* * *

Neil called Ichirou the next day. They had to follow every lead they had now and Sato? He was a lead. He knew something and Andrew wanted to know what the fuck it was. 

They didn’t expect the _Lord_ to answer though. He never did the first time they tried, usually making them wait. This time was different. 

_‘What did Sato tell you?’_ Ichirou answered. 

“Hello, Ichirou,” Neil said, pleasantly. “It’s so nice to talk to you.”

_‘I have no time for pleasantries.’_

Neil rolled his eyes, and Andrew sat back to enjoy the show. “Of course not. Sato told us you only did business with Hodges once and that was it.”

_‘That’s all?’_

“Honestly, it was what he wouldn’t say that interests us more. I asked him about Phillip Hull and he wouldn’t answer me. Kept saying he was only instructed to tell me about James Hodges.”

_‘That’s true.’_

“Then why are you so concerned?” Neil’s tone was casual, but his eyes betrayed his curiosity. Andrew wanted to know, too. Ichicrou didn’t normally care to even talk to them, much less ask questions. 

‘ _I’m still the new leader of this empire, Hartford. I still have to weed out the bad seeds in order to grow it to its full potential.’_

“And Sato is a bad seed?”

_‘I suspect he’s withholding certain information in a futile attempt to protect my father and undermine me. I’ll interview him personally and make sure he’s motivated to divulge what he knows.’_

Andrew lifted his brows at Neil. “Why, Ichirou,” Neil almost crooned, “you’re being positively helpful.”

_‘Don’t get used to it. This concerns my business. I’m fine helping you track down a man who chooses to rape and kill children, but I’m doubly concerned if someone who handles my business affairs is being unfaithful to the family. I’ll let you know when I speak to him.’_

~~_Fucking prioritie-_ ~~

“Jean Moreau,” Andrew said. Neil looked up at him, thoughts cut off and face blank.

Ichirou sighed like this new turn of events was positively exhausting. _‘Mr. Minyard. Speaking nonsense, as usual.’_

“You still have ownership of Jean Moreau. He’s still working for you at Raven Academy. You’ve owned him since he was a child. You can pretend like you’re above this, like you’re a good person because you don’t approve of child rape and murder, but you have literal slaves.”

_‘I gave control of Raven Academy over to the board when I took over. I have no business running a school. We make sure we prioritize the exy program as a direct pipeline to Edgar Allen and our professional team. I will not apologize for that. I don’t know who Jean Moreau is. I assume he was already employed by the academy when I took over.’_

_He was,_ Andrew remembered. He was injured and instead of just killing him and being done with it, they stuck him in that fucking school. 

“How convenient for you to not have to think about such unsavory things,” Andrew replied sarcastically. “He’s there and I’d be shocked if he’s getting paid.”

 _‘I’ll jump right on that,’_ Ichirou said scathingly before hanging up.

Neil put his phone away and laid back down on the bed. They’d been about to go to sleep when Neil tried Ichirou, having decided that later in the day was probably better to catch him with some free time. At least they were right about that. 

“What made you think of Jean?” Neil asked him, turning onto his side and propping his head on a hand. 

Andrew shrugged. “I just hate how he acts like he’s some type of hero because he stopped keeping kids. He’s still the head of a string of evil corporations and an entire fucking crime empire.”

Neil pursed his lips at first, but then they slowly slid into a smirk as he grabbed Andrew’s hand and pulled him down beside him. “I liked the way you handled him.”

Andrew laughed quietly, “Can’t compare to how much I love the way _you_ do it.”

“Why _is_ that?” Neil asked, twining their fingers together. “You practically drool when I’m on the phone with him. I know I’m good at it - I’ll even admit I enjoy it... But why do you get such a kick?”

And _that._

_Here._

_This._

_Now._

_This_ is where the truth comes out. This is where Andrew releases a bit of his insides to be exposed on the _out_ , because although Neil knows him... Although Neil knows him so goddamned well, he didn’t know this. 

“Because,” Andrew said quietly, sinking into the sheets to lie on his side to mirror the man in front of him and press his hand flat to Neil’s stomach. “Because when I hear you like that, when I see you like that...” He paused for a moment, looking for the proper words, “When you’re in _control_ and _powerful_ and you make them heel to you - when you put aside what’s being done for what has to be done... it reminds me.”

His hand made its way slowly up Neil’s body, eyes tracking every little shiver and shift of his lean muscles. Neil wasn’t breathing and a spark lit inside of Andrew at the effect. 

“Reminds you of what?"

His hand went further still, only stopping when his fingers reached his neck, his pulse point, the perfect resting place to feel Neil’s heartbeat. 

“That we’re the same. That we both have darkness inside of us. No matter how happy we are playing house, no matter how much therapy helps, there will always be a coldness... There will always be a tiny spot within us that knows what needs to be done and sometimes, because of that tiny spot, we’re okay being the ones to do it.”

Neil stared up at Andrew, eyes full of understanding because he knew - of course he knew. He knew what Andrew meant and Andrew leaned down, pressing their lips together softly. He felt Neil’s full bottom lip slide between his own and it felt like a key unlocking _home_. 

*

When he pulled back, his eyes lifted to search Neils, but they were already locked on him - honey and ice. They didn’t say anything. They didn’t need to. Andrew was right and Neil knew it. And in that knowing, they were both on the same wave, a thread pulling them together so hard that before Andrew could even register what was happening, they both moved. Their mouths crashed together in something like desperation - seeking and finding and Andrew found _himself_ in the familiar cradle of Neil’s hips. 

The first grind upwards of Neil’s hips against his own sent shocks up his spine, had him shivering at the initial wave of pleasure and he ground down to meet it. Hot hands sought skin and immediately they were gripping and pulling, throwing off clothes because this _was_ desperation. This was a need to crawl inside each other to seek the solace they only got from this joining. 

Hands and mouths and fingers, Andrew laid on his front, flat on the bed and pushing Neil’s legs back as far as they would go. He tried to show Neil how grateful he was with his mouth; how much being here with him meant with his hands and when it was too much, Neil pulled him up with a hand in his hair. 

"Fuck me," he panted. "Drew..."

Andrew bit his lip at the nickname falling from Neil’s lips, before leaning down to kiss him again. Neil’s hand gentled in his hair, a direct contrast to how desperately they moved. He brushed it back from his face, holding a lock right behind Andrew’s ear and -

_And._

They moved together slowly, undulating like their bodies were made to move like this. 

_Like we’re one person._

Andrew leaned to catch Neil’s mouth, to feel his hot breaths huff against his lips, wanting nothing more than to take everything Neil gave him, and give it right back. It was odd what sort of headspace he got into in moments like this. It was a headspace where any remaining barbed wires fell away, walls came crashing down and there was nothing between the two of them but revealed secrets and unguarded honesty. It was freeing. 

Neil was freeing. 

Moving from his lips to his jaw, Andrew bit the skin there and moved faster at the feel of Neil’s thumb on one of his nipples, tugging at the piercing and making Andrew moan. It was then that Neil took control and Andrew let him. He usually dictated how these situations went anyway. Andrew may top, but Neil controlled what they did and tonight, apparently, Neil felt like first turning on his side, his body twisted as Andrew gripped his hip and thigh, before completely flipping over.

But they’d never done it like this. Andrew liked to see his face - liked to see that he was okay. He stopped for just a moment and Neil looked back at him, pupils blown wide and panting. 

“Is...” he breathed, “Is this okay?”

 _‘Is this okay?_ ’

_Yes._

Andrew just nodded, eyes glancing down as his hands slid along his body and he gripped Neil’s ass for leverage, picking up where he left off. 

And he felt like he was unraveling - coming undone. Fucking Neil from this angle was unexpectedly different. Deeper maybe and just as intimate, just as connected with Neil’s hands gripping the pillow beneath his head, shoulders bunched, back arched, scars splaying shadows in the moonlight and auburn hair so dark yet so bright. 

_Beautiful_. 

He slid his hands up to Neil’s chest and hauled him upright so his back was pressed against Andrew’s front, and it was perfect. He had an excellent view of their full-length mirror over Neil’s shoulder and he bit his neck once before whispering, “Open your eyes.” It was almost a shock when Neil did. Such icy, bright blue half-lidded as he watched them. Watched himself. He moved his hips with Andrew so all they could hear were Neil’s moans, Andrew’s breaths, and the sound of skin slapping skin. 

Andrew ran a hand down Neil’s front until he could take hold of him and started a slow rhythm to match the pace of his thrusts. 

"Andrew - fuck."

He smiled into Neil’s neck, unable to stifle the warm pride spreading throughout him as he laughed lowly, biting Neil again in the place where his neck and shoulder met. 

“Keep looking at yourself,” he said, low into Neil’s ear when he noticed Neil close his eyes again. A bead of sweat rolled down his back and he almost shivered. “Look how good you look... how fucking beautiful you are.”

Neil whined and Andrew felt himself fall deep into this moment. He bit his earlobe, before looking back to the mirror - back at Neil who looked wrecked. Eyes open, on his knees, legs spread, cock held firmly in Andrew’s hand. 

“You see it, don’t you?” he continued, punctuating the question with a thrust. “The darkness? That’s the thread Neil... the one that pulled us together. Can you see it?”

“Yes,” Neil hissed, hand reaching up to grip behind Andrew’s neck. 

“Good,” Andrew laid a suckling kiss on Neil’s neck, before pushing him gently back down and giving into his frantic need - this want that he thought could fucking destroy him... Thought could make him lose his senses altogether and dissolve into a million tiny pieces because

Because Neil was _Fate_ and he was _Time_ and they were exactly where they were supposed to be. 

He could feel it building though, could feel it in the base of his spine. He reached around to grab Neil again and stroked him roughly. He plastered himself to Neil’s back and sucked on the nape of his neck, “Come for me.”

"Yes, yes, yes, yes," Neil moaned.

"Yeah?"

"Fuck, yes Andrew-"

And then Neil came undone in his hands. He could feel him shudder and legs quiver. He could feel him tighten and that’s all it took for Andrew to unravel with him. 

He stayed where he was for a minute, trying to catch his breath and desperately failing, all the while wondering why his lips were numb and squeezing his eyes shut against the aftershocks. 

When Andrew finally moved away, Neil’s legs slowly slid from under him, shaky and weak, and he lay with his cheek buried in the pillow, utterly uncaring of the mess beneath him. 

Andrew laid next to him, panting and sweaty and ran a hand from Neil’s calf to his neck. “We need to clean up,” He murmured quietly. Neil just groaned and turned his head to look at Andrew.

He reached out a shaking hand and Andrew took it, lacing their fingers together. 

“It’s you and me,” he whispered, thumb stroking Andrew’s. 

Andrew squeezed his hand. “You and me.”

*

* * *

* * *

“Sarah and Laila have been working hard for Imani’s father, and they’ve helped us out quite a bit as well,” Neil said. 

If you haven't checked out the Trojan Horse podcast, definitely give it a listen. They discuss not only the case, but provide other resources and give insight to other instances of false accusations that we don’t see in the media. It’s definitely eye-opening.” Andrew shifted in his seat and Neil knew he was trying not to show his irritation at the bad news they’d gotten. 

“Now,” Neil picked up. “The next stages of our investigation were seeing what information we can glean from a person’s name and business, and also finally completing a forensic sketch with Robin.”

* * *

* * *

They were on their way to meet the team with an update, but had to make a detour to Bee’s. 

“She’s going to get sick of you insisting on doing all her shopping eventually,” Neil said. 

Andrew just shrugged. Of course she could leave her house whenever she wanted. She was a grown-ass woman and never had an issue putting Andrew in his place. But as long as she allowed him to get her groceries and necessities, he would. She was still meeting with all her clients via zoom and the less exposure she had to the outside world, the better. 

“She hasn’t complained.” Andrew pulled them up to the house and parked, popping the trunk before getting out of the car. 

“That’s because it’s easier to let you have your way than to argue with you,” Neil said wryly, grabbing two bags and following Andrew to the door. 

“Then we all win.” He stuck his key in the door and unlocked it, shoving them back into his pocket before opening the door. 

Five steps. 

It took him five steps to get to the kitchen. 

To drop the bag he was holding to the floor. 

To see fucking red. 

“What. the. FUCK?!”

There, in all his mostly naked glory, stood Ramsey casually leaning against the counter of Bee’s kitchen and wrapped in her pink fuzzy robe. 

He nodded to Andrew and Neil. “Mornin’.”

“Oh my god,” Neil whispered behind him. “Oh my god, Andrew you can’t kill him.”

“Like hell I can’t!”

“Honey?”

Andrew whirled around to find Bee standing there, looking confused with her hair a mess and wrapped in a _different_ robe that Andrew had never seen and -

“Bee, what the fuck?!”

Her eyes flicked to Ramsey and he could’ve sworn her fucking eyes _sparkled_. “Bee?” he whispered. Asked. Almost a question; almost a whine. 

“Andrew, I wasn’t expecting you until this afternoon.”

“I sent you a text.”

“Ah. I was... busy. I must not have seen it.”

“No,” Andrew said, shaking his head. “No. No, no, no. Not him. Do you even... _Bee_. No.” He turned back to Ramsey and pointed to the front door. “Get out.”

He, of course, didn’t respond. Just raised a brow and he looked fucking... _amused_ . Or as amused as Ramsey could possibly look. And listen, he liked Ramsey. But he liked the bastard because he was an excellent criminal, good at not getting murdered. But this? No. _No_ , he was no good for Bee. He’d end up getting her killed. 

“Andrew, you need to calm down. I’d like to remind you that this is my house and I can have whomever I’d like in it.” He heard Neil slowly put the bags he was holding onto the counter, then start picking up the items Andrew had dropped. 

“Not _him_ ,” he sounded petulant, even to his own ears. But she didn’t understand. He knew Bee had dated before, but it was nothing ever serious. He’d surely never had to see a man in this kitchen, in her robe, having obviously just - He shook his head, two seconds away from stomping his foot. “Bee, he’s a fucking criminal.”

“Andrew Joseph Minyard, I’ve never known you to be so judgemental.”

Andrew sputtered. “But - he - Bee…” He turned to Ramsey again. “I said GET OUT. HOW are you even here? How could this happen?!” He turned to face Neil. “Your fucking Uncle did this. This is HIS fault.”

Neil pressed his lips together before answering. “We should go,” he finally said. “Andrew we have a team meeting to get to.”

But Andrew looked around him, looked at Bee and Ramsey and Neil and no one fucking cared or understood and _that_ is how Andrew ended up stomping out of Bee’s house with a loud NOOOOOOOO trailing in his wake.

* * *

As soon as Neil got in the car, he braced for it. 

But it didn’t come. 

Instead, Andrew peeled out of Bee’s driveway way too fast, knuckles white on the wheel. 

“Drew?”

“Don’t talk.”

Neil closed his mouth... but if he was completely honest with himself, this was all incredibly amusing. _Good for Bee._ She should be able to enjoy who she wanted to, as long as she was safe and it was consensual. 

But then again, Bee wasn’t his mother. He didn’t have a Bee tattooed behind his ear that he claimed talked to him like some weird psychic link. And Andrew wasn’t wrong, per se... Ramsey _was_ a criminal. He was excellent at his job and Neil would be shocked if he ever got caught... But he could see how Andrew wouldn’t want that for Bee. 

“Call your Uncle.”

Neil sighed. “Andrew I think maybe you should calm down before -”

“Call him, Neil.”

Neil pursed his lips and put it on speaker. 

_‘‘Lo Nephew.’_

“Why the FUCK is Ramsey at Bee’s house half-naked right now,” Andrew demanded. Stuart chuckled and Neil cringed. 

_Oh, this was not going to go well._

_‘Well, I could tell you what he was most likely doing, but I don’t think you’d like it.’_

“Not the time, Stuart,” Neil mumbled.

“Tell him to stay away from her. He’s going to get her killed. Some mob boss bent on revenge is going to come here and fucking murder her and I swear to _god_ I’ll avenge her Stu. I’ll avenge the _FUCK_ outta her.”

Neil coughed to hide his laugh.

_‘Listen, Andrew. They’re both adults. They met when I dropped off a book to her that I’d mentioned when we ran into her at the market. Ramsey was with me, and they hit it off and exchanged numbers. That’s all I know.’_

“But-”

_‘He’s not going to get her killed. Despite what you think of us, we’re not openly going around, flaunting our crimes like the Moriyamas. Or your President.’_

Andrew practically sputtered, “But we’re in a PANDEMIC. He wasn’t even wearing a mask!”

Neil thought to point out that they were probably beyond the need for masks at this point, but he liked his bed and really didn’t feel like sleeping in the office.

Stuart just sighed. _‘Look, would it help to know Ramsey wants out? He’s due for retirement anyway, and I suspect he won’t want to go back to London with me when I leave. He’s agreed to help you if you need anything else for this case, but once it’s done and I leave, he’s done, too.’_

“No, it doesn’t fucking help. You don’t help. You’re all fucking useless.” he spat, then reached over and hung up Neil’s phone.

“Do -”

“Nope.”

Neil shut his mouth. 

They were silent on the way to the studio - Andrew quietly fuming next to him. He stomped his way inside when they got there, slapping his mask back on his face before they entered and aggressively rubbed hand sanitizer between his hands, then made his way to the lounge. Andrew sat heavily on one of the couches and sighing, Neil went to find the rest of the team. 

He found Matt and Dan in the kitchen, and he wondered what the fuck it was about this morning, but Matt had her pressed against the fridge. They were only talking, but the way he was looking down at her and smiling, and the way she smiled back made Neil feel like he’d walked in on them making out. 

“Uh-”

Matt and Dan looked over at the same time, and she used a hand to his chest to push him away. His fingers slid off of her hips, lingering until they couldn’t anymore. Dan put her mask back in place.

“Minyard in the lounge?”

Neil nodded. “Just a warning... it’s been... a bad morning.”

“What happened?” Matt asked, on alert. 

“Nothing that concerns the team. Just wanted to let you know before you go in there.”

Dan waved a hand. “I’ve been dealing with his tantrums since he was 18 years old. I got this.”

Neil was doubtful but followed her out to find the rest of the team already gathered, Seth and Robin talking excitedly about something and Renee and Allison looking at something on Renee’s phone. Andrew sat with his arms crossed and a look on his face that had obviously warned everyone to stay away.

“Okay,” Neil said, determined to be the one to run this meeting in order to avoid any more catastrophes. “A few updates for you. We were able to talk to Sarah Alvarez and Laila Dermott from Trojan Horse.”

“How’d the interview go?” Dan asked, opening up her laptop.

“Really well. Seth, we’re going to need you to edit the recording of the zoom call into the next episode's video.”

Seth nodded. “You got it, chief.”

“So, here’s the thing. We found out James was licensed in real estate in California. We spoke to him -”

“You _spoke_ to him?” Allison asked. “How the fuck did that go down?”

“We called and asked if he had Haley,” Andrew spat. “Jesus Reynolds, do you think we’re fucking stupid?”

Allison narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know what crawled up your ass Minyard, but don’t play with me. You may think you’re the big bad here, but I’ll fucking destroy you.”

Renee held up her hands. “Okay, okay. There’s obviously something going on today, so let’s just get this meeting done. Neil, go ahead.” She took one of Allison’s hands and she relaxed but kept her narrowed gaze on Andrew.

“We were able to get him to tell us that he went to USC. We had Sarah and Laila look into it for us, and it turns out he was there from 1994-1998.”

“Oh god,” Matt said. “So it wasn’t him? Thank god.”

“Yeah, thank god our only lead turned out to be a dud,” Andrew shot at him.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Look,” Neil said, just trying to get through this as quickly as possible. “It looks like no, James isn’t our guy. But I’m still having my uncle run a full background check just in case. We also think the Moriyamas know more about Phillip Hull than they’re telling, so we’re waiting on that. Robin, are you ready for the sketch artist?”

Robin nodded. “I have no idea how accurate it’ll be, but I’ll try.”

“That’s all we need. The artist will be here tomorrow at ten, and hopefully, we’ll have a usable sketch when she’s done. We’ll meet you here then?”

“Yes. I’ll be here.”

“Perfect. We’re leaving now. Call us if you need anything.”

And with that, Neil pulled Andrew by his hand and dragged him out of the studio and away from people.

* * *

Once they were home, Andrew went straight upstairs and opened his laptop to research all the shit they’d already researched, just for something to do. 

Neil followed behind him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“You sure?” Neil moved to one of the big chairs and fell heavily into it. 

He winced when he did.

  
Andrew furrowed his brow. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. Did you get the confirmation from the sketch artist?”

_Nope._

Andrew did not like this. He didn’t like Neil trying to change the subject. _It feels too close to being lied to._ He looked at Neil without speaking, a silent challenge until Neil finally rolled his eyes. 

“I’m just a bit sore from last night.”

Andrew could feel the blood drain from his face. ~~_No_ ~~. “I hurt you.”

“No, Andrew. I’m always a little sore after -”

“Not this long after.”

Andrew stood and pounded down the stairs. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he was _running_. He was escaping because he felt the panic attack beneath his skin and with James and Bee and Neil? It was too many things at once. 

He was in the kitchen when Neil caught up to him. 

“Andrew, listen to me. It’s fine. Last night was fucking amazing. It was the best sex we’ve ever had, are you kidding me? We just went a little harder -”

“I lost control,” Andrew said, voice tight and the feeling beneath his skin growing and stretching and squirming and -

He was pulling out baking ingredients with no real idea what he was doing but stopped the moment his hand closed around the flour. Letting go of it, he braced both hands on the counter and hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

Neil’s fingers brushed the back of his neck, about to grip there - to do what Andrew had done for him, but Andrew couldn’t stand it. He shook it off. 

“Okay, I know you’re stressed right now,” Neil spoke slowly and carefully. 

_Great._ Andrew made him feel like he was dealing with a child. 

He spun around, “ _Don’t_ Neil. I know what it’s like, okay? I know what it fucking feels like when -” He sucked in a breath. 

Because it was there. Like a fucking rush it flooded in and flashes of memory, pictures of his nightmares.

He could feel the pain - he could _feel_ it and he knew what it meant to wince when you sat... to not be able to walk normally and 

“Andrew. _ANDREW_.” Neil was in front of him, not touching, but close. “Look at me,” he said firmly, but Andrew shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut tight. He put both hands in his hair and pulled because

 _Make it stop_. 

“FUCK -” his voice broke. He could feel the moment it cracked and everything else inside of him did, too. He slid down the cabinets of the counter to the floor and pulled his legs up in front of him. Hands still tangled in his hair, he hid his face in his knees and tried to practice the breathing he and John had gone through. He tried to remember his facts versus feelings exercises. 

In the end, the thing that helped most of all was Neil sitting beside him - not touching, but there. A presence. A _light_. 

A minute, an hour, a day, year, millennia passed before Andrew eventually turned his head to look at Neil, resting his cheek on a knee. He straightened his glasses so he could see him better. Neil was in the same position, looking back. 

“I never want to hurt you,” he said quietly. Desperately. _Forgive me._

“Drew...” Neil shook his head and said more firmly, “You _didn’t_ . I mean, _yes_ I’m sore. But it’s.... I -” he swallowed, then took a breath as he met Andrew’s eyes. “I _like_ it. I like the reminder. I _liked_ what we did. I mean,” he sighed and Andrew’s eyes flickered down to his mouth where he knew Neil was contemplating chewing his bottom lip, but fighting against it. When he looked back up, Neil’s eyes were imploring. “I’m new to this, you know...? I want to respect your boundaries. I _do_ respect your boundaries. But I like it a little rough, Drew. I _like_ when you go hard. And last night...” he huffed out a breath and lifted his head to let it fall back against the cabinet. “Last night was incredible. I think I literally left my body.”

Andrew just looked at him, wanting to reach out and grab onto the lifeline that Neil was throwing to him, but he couldn’t. Instead, he felt himself shutting down - felt the emotion slowly bleeding away. 

“Hey,” Neil snapped. “Don’t do that. Don’t look at me with that blank stare. Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Andrew answered immediately because he did. He’d trust Neil with his life. With Bella’s life.

“Then you have to trust me to tell you if you hurt me. If you do something I don’t like. I would never do something I didn’t want, you should know that.”

Andrew lifted his head and pushed up his glasses so he could rub his eyes. Neil was right. He had to trust him to let him know if something wasn’t working. 

_I still feel like shit._

“If you feel like you want to slow down, that’s okay. We don’t have to have sex, Andrew. I could go the rest of my life without it so long as you’re still with me. But don’t let it be because you think I’m hurt or upset. Because I’m _not_. You gave me a gift last night.”

_‘You gave me a gift last night.’_

Andrew swallowed hard and left his hands over his face. “It’s just too much right now...” he murmured, trying to articulate it - trying to keep the communication open. Because as much as he wanted to run away and hide, he knew from experience that didn’t help a thing. “I know it’s stupid to be upset about Bee, but I am. I don’t trust him and I don’t want her to get hurt. She deserves someone that’ll take care of her.”

“She can take care of herself, Drew.”

“ _I know that_ , okay? _Logically_ , I fucking know. But it doesn’t make a difference. The case is going nowhere and who fucking knows what he’s done to Haley. Every night she has to go to sleep thinking it’s more of the same the next day. What if... what if she’s -”

“Nope. We’re not going down that path. Everything you’re feeling right now? It makes sense. It’s _okay_ for you to feel like this, but Andrew you have to recognize some things you’re just not going to be able to control.” Neil held out a hand to him, and this time he slid over on the floor and Neil tucked him into his side. Andrew laid his head on Neil’s shoulder and Neil kissed his head, hand slipping the back of his neck and squeezing.

“You’re incredible, you know that?”

Andrew snorted.

“I mean it. You care so fucking deeply about everything. You love so hard, Drew. You have this front like you’re above it so people that don’t know you don’t see it, but honestly? It’s a fucking honor to be loved by you.” He squeezed Andrew closer and Andrew buried his face in Neil’s neck because it was an honor to be loved by him, too.

* * *

Andrew slept in their bed that night. Neil expected him to sleep in the office in their spare bed, but he didn’t. He slept with a hand on Neil’s arm and when the nightmares came calling, waking him up shaky and sweaty, Neil helped him clean up and brought him downstairs for a cup of decaf. They sat on the counter, side by side and sipping from their favorite mugs and swinging their feet. They watched the sky grow lighter from the kitchen window, and when the day arrived, Andrew slowly slid down and squeezed Neil’s hand once before going to shower. 

Neil rinsed out their mugs and put them in the dishwasher. He knew Andrew was still feeling off-kilter, but that was okay. Honestly, he did a really amazing thing by talking to Neil - telling him what was going on. Neil would’ve understood if he didn’t, but Andrew being able to articulate what the problem was, was a big step for him. 

He always told Neil, _‘recovery isn’t linear’._ There wasn’t a straight path for him to walk. There wasn’t a ‘cure’ for his depression and anxiety. There were only tools and whether or not he chose to utilize them. 

Neil was proud of him for doing just that. 

Andrew came back down sometime later and ran two fingers along Neil’s bare back on his way to the coffee, which was now caffeinated. Neil wore his favorite hoodie, the cropped one that used to be Andrew’s. He didn’t know why it was such a comfort, but he always felt better when he had it on. 

“I’m going to meet with John this morning,” Andrew said, pouring creamer into his coffee. “He was able to fit me in. We’ll still be at the studio in time for the sketch artist.”

Neil nodded. “Sounds good. I can just go alone if you want. If you don’t want to deal with it today.”

“No,” Andrew shook his head. “I want to be there. This is going to be hard for Robin. I’ll deal with my shit and then be there for her.”

“Okay.”

Andrew turned and handed Neil his own mug of coffee he’d just poured. Neil made to take it, wrapping his hands around the warmth, but Andrew held tight. Neil met his eyes. 

Andrew didn’t say anything, but he leaned in to kiss the corner of Neil’s mouth, and that said enough. 

-

Neil made his way to the studio by himself and walked in to find that Andrew had beaten him there. He was inside talking to someone Neil assumed was the sketch artist and when he caught Neil’s eye, he waved him over. 

“Neil, this is Monet.”

Neil felt his brow raise, unable to help it. She just sighed through her mask, making her cat-eye framed glasses fog slightly. 

“My mother was an artist,” she said, shrugging. 

Neil gave her a small laugh. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Monet. Did Andrew give you the rundown of everything?”

“Yep. I have everything I need, all set.”

Andrew beckoned her to follow him and when she and Robin were in the same room, Neil was struck by their similarities. Monet’s hair was down, waist-length but curly like Robin’s. They had the same tawny skin and Monet was taller, but Neil suspected she would be about his height without the tall heels she wore. At one point she moved her mask to take a sip of water and Neil saw a dimple in her chin, which endeared him to her even more for some reason. 

She seemed nice. 

And she was. She was incredibly patient with Robin. They sat and talked for a while. Monet seemed to be into music and Robin had been getting a crash course from Seth. She kept up that casual tone when she finally started to draw on a tablet in her lap, but Neil could tell Robin was having a difficult time. 

“Robin,” Andrew said quietly. “We can stop at any time, okay? We don’t have to do this all in one go.” Andrew looked to Monet, who nodded.

“Absolutely. I can always come back, no pressure.”

“No,” Robin said. “Let’s just get this over with.”

She gave Monet every detail she could remember, from the shape of his eyebrows to the width of his nose, and how thin his lips were.

It took an hour. Robin was clearly agitated by the end, barely sitting still. 

Monet looked at the sketch, then held the tablet to her chest. She’d shown Robin once or twice throughout to make sure she’d gotten something right, but this was it. 

“Are you ready to see it? I would say you don’t have to look, but it’s important that you let me know if there needs to be a change.”

Robin swallowed hard and nodded. “Do you want me to get Dan?” Andrew asked. She shook her head. 

Monet flipped it around and Robin stared at it for a few seconds before saying, “That’s him,” and left the room.

Monet pressed her lips together, then sighed. “Sometimes I hate this job. Are you guys ready to see?” Andrew held out a hand.

When he took the tablet, Neil looked over his shoulder to see. It was an average looking white man. Thick brows, a nose that looked like it may have been broken at some point, lips thin to the point of being invisible...

“It’s not him,” Andrew said. 

Neil squinted. He supposed if he looked at it just so... if he turned his head... it looked similar? 

Neil shook his head. “No.”

Monet stood and started gathering her things. “I’ve emailed it to you, nonetheless... Let me know if you ever need anything else, okay? I’m freelance so I’m always looking for work.”

They nodded to her and walked her out, waving as she went since shaking hands was a thing of the past. 

Andrew went in search of Robin to make sure she was okay. Neil watched him go, hoping he was okay, too.

* * *

* * *

“We mentioned earlier that we’d scheduled a forensic sketch, and we’re so grateful Robin was able to sit down with an artist and make it happen. It wasn’t easy for her, but she did it anyway.” Andrew pulled up the sketch on his iPad and held it up to the camera. 

“We’re going to post this on the website and hopefully Seth can work his magic and include it in the video,” Neil said. “But this is Steven, as Robin remembers him. If any of you know who this person is or if you even _think_ you may know, shoot us an email.”

“We know forensic sketches aren’t always a reliable source of evidence and we’re still following other leads. But this is important and we hope all of you take a look, just in case. Because the fact of the matter is, someone knows this guy. He’s someone’s neighbor, someone’s friend. You never know where someone like this is hiding, but we have a strong suspicion that Steven is doing just that, but in plain sight.”

Andrew lowered the tablet back to his lap and Neil addressed the camera again. “Thank you for watching this episode of Red Rabbits. We feel like we’re closer than ever to getting to Haley, but we need help to do it. We’ll keep you updated.”

“Keep searching.”

* * *

* * *

Robin was in the booth alone. Seth was probably working from home today. Andrew hadn’t seen him at all. He propped himself up against the wall, keeping his distance. 

“You okay?”

Robin shook her head and her eyes filled. She rubbed her face in frustration. 

“This is so stupid,” she said harshly. “Why does it have to be like this?” Her words came out like a hiss. “I’m going to have nightmares now, you know? Dan’s going to stay up all night worrying about me and I hate that. I hate that I love that she cares. I just want this to be over... I want to find him and move on.”

Andrew watched her for a bit, not saying anything until she seemed somewhat able to collect herself. 

“Can I tell you something?”

Robin waved a hand at him in a go-ahead motion.

“You’ll never move on.”

She met his eyes, hers defiant.

He leaned his head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling. “You’ll be able to live with it... eventually. You’ll not think about it sometimes, believe it or not. You’ll go weeks, even. But, Robin,” he looked at her again. “This will be with you for the rest of your life. It’s part of whats shaped you as a person.”

“I don’t want to be shaped by him.”

“I know.” And he did... Andrew _did_ know. “I don’t want to be shaped by them, either. But I am. And you and me...? We got shit on. We got the short end of the stick, to say the least. In this life, we were dealt a really awful hand, but the fact that we live with what happened to us and we’re still here, still standing and living our lives and having relationships? That’s something.”

Robin let a few tears fall, soaking into the material of her mask. She wiped them away. “Life is still worth living. He didn’t take that. _They_ didn’t take that.”

“No. They didn’t. And they _won't_ if we don’t let them. But we have to work harder than everyone else for it. When Neil and I met at the Grand Canyon, we knew both of us had seen some shit. We knew there were some people in this world that loved to see the destruction of the smallest things. You were such a small thing, Robin.” Andrew shook his head and clenched his jaw. 

Because none of this would ever end... The evil and the people who’d hurt a child just because they could -

“I’m not anymore though,” Robin said, sitting up a bit straighter. “I’m grown. I did it. I’m a student at Palmetto State. I’m studying social work so I can help others. I play exy and I’m _good at it._ I have a best friend named Tao, and they’ve helped me so much. I have a family at The Foxhole Network, and I will love them forever. I have a mom and dad who would do anything to keep me safe.”

She looked at Andrew, and he looked back. Both children of trauma, both survivors, both living lives they never thought they could have. 

“And I have you, Andrew. Someone who understands what no one else has been able to.”

“And you always will.”

* * *

Robin and Andrew stayed in the booth for a while. Neil didn’t disturb them. He was sure she needed space and Andrew could help her in a way Neil couldn’t. 

Dan sat on the other end of the couch, looking down at the sketch.

“So, this isn’t him?”

“We don’t think so. The problem is that they’re both so generic, it’s hard to tell. But some of the features are definitely different.”

Dan sighed and set it down. “How pissed is Andrew?”

Neil shrugged. “I don’t know yet. He’s talking to Robin. We knew it was a possibility since we got the info from Sarah and Laila, but I think we were still hoping there was an explanation. Just would’ve been nice, to know we had him.”

In a perfect world. 

Dan looked to the door of the booth. “Should I go check on them?”

“No. They’ll be out when they’re ready. How’s she been doing at home?”

Dan smiled. A little sparkle twinkling in her eye that she got whenever she was bragging about Robin. “Remarkably well. She took two online courses this summer, and she’s honestly the best student I’ve ever met. She’s super organized and studies hard. She says it’s because she has a hard time keeping up, but I think it’s getting easier for her. Kevin takes her to court sometimes to practice alone. I think he’s taken a shine to her.”

Neil laughed. “Of course he has. Someone just as obsessed with exy as he is, and also willing to take his direction without complaint? She must be a dream for him.”

Dan bit her lip.

“What?”

“If I tell you something, you have to swear not to say anything.”

Neil raised a brow. “Not even to Andrew?”

“Not if he can’t keep his mouth shut.” Neil thought about this for a second. He’d have to hear the information to know if Andrew could keep his mouth shut. He nodded for her to go ahead. 

“So you know I’m still involved in the BSU? Well, the assistant coach for the Exy team is also a member, and because he thinks he stands a chance with me -”

“Which of course he doesn’t,” Neil said with a grin.

Dan rolled her eyes. “Please. The day I leave Matt Boyd, you better arrest him because bad shit had to have gone down. Anyway, so he thinks if he tells me these bits of gossip it’ll earn him points. He knows I know Kevin, so he let it slip that both he and the head coach aren’t coming back. PSU is leaning towards no exy in the fall and they’ve been scouted to other programs.”

Neil’s eyes went wide. “No fucking way. Kevin?”

Dan grinned and nodded. “Word is they want him for the head coach position.”

Neil’s jaw dropped, which was probably less effective behind a mask. “Oh my god, Dan that’s fucking amazing!”

“I know, right?! I -”

“What’s amazing?” Andrew and Robin had emerged from the booth, Andrew looked between them.

“I’ll tell you later,” Neil said. “Robin, you okay? Need anything?”

He could see her smile behind her mask. “Nope. I have everything I need. Dan,

do you mind giving me a ride home?”

“Of course, let me get my purse.” She followed Dan towards her office, and Andrew joined Neil on the couch.

“How is she?” Neil asked quietly.

“Better than expected.” He put a hand on Neil’s thigh and squeezed gently. “She’s so fucking strong. I envy that.”

“You’re strong too.”

Andrew’s surely grumbled response was interrupted by Neil’s phone. He pulled it out to see Stuart’s name flash on the screen. Andrew scowled while Neil answered. 

“Hey, Uncle Stewart.”

_‘Neil. I ran the information you gave me.’_

Neil immediately put the phone on speaker so Andrew could hear.

“What’d you find?”

_‘Well, we were able to locate your James Hodges specifically. We narrowed it down to a bloke that was at USC the years you specified, held residence in California, got his real estate license. It all checks out.’_

Neil’s heart sank, and he could feel Andrew sag deeper into the couch.

_‘There was one odd thing, though, that might interest you.’_

“Yeah?” Neil said, he and Andrew both leaning forward, desperate for any scrap of information.

_‘Your James Hodges? The one from California who went to USC?’_

“Yes?”

_‘He died in 2004.’_

* * *

* * *

[ Outro ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that ending tho. Like we mentioned, the story is gaining traction quickly here and hopefully in the next chapter we’ll see a lot more action. As always, don’t forget to send asks or email us at foxholenetwork@gmail.com and njosten.foxhole@gmail.com with any evidence you want to submit!  
> Don't forget to keep up with our socials!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)  
> Also, don’t forget to check out BloodyDamnit’s art of Steven and the zoom call [here](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/627294686660427776/season-2-episode-3-interview-with-the-trojan)  
> !  
> *the book Andrew mentions is The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern
> 
> We love yall so so so much! Thank you again for sticking through with us and kudos and comments are always appreciated!!!!!! HAVE A NICE DAY/NIGHT/MORNING EVERYONE!


	16. Audio Notes # 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Got you, motherfucker._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, normal schedule!?!?!? What IS THIS!??! Some sort of... early POSTING?!  
> Listen, we're shocked too. We know.  
> But here it is! And unfortunately, if you notice the chapter count up there... it's true. We're nearing the end. But we're not there yet and we are so excited for yall to read this chapter. Not only that, but it means we now get to plot and plan the next one and ho ho HO WE'RE SO FUCKIN EXCITED. 
> 
> So! Trigger warnings!  
> Panic Attacks  
> Mention of child abuse/Steven's abuse  
> Moments of PTSD  
> Physical Interrogation (Torture, but we don't go into detail. And it's not towards Andrew or Neil. No worries)  
> Harsh language of Andrews sexual abuse. It's brief, but it is there. 
> 
> There we go! We hope you like it! Also Troye Sivan's [Stud](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83sVDIeEroI&ab_channel=TroyeSivanVEVO)  
> has been on repeat so it needed to be added in. We're not sorry.

_ ‘He died in 2004.’ _

It was 2AM. Neil and Andrew were home, sitting on the kitchen floor with a bowl of grapes between them. 

Neither of them could sleep.

Andrew’s brain was buzzing. He picked a grape and rolled it between his fingers, but didn’t make a move to eat it. 

“So, we agree it’s probably a stolen identity then?” Neil asked, voice low. Andrew watched him bite a grape in half and suck out the juice before sticking the rest in his mouth.

“Probably. But -”

“We have to be careful,” Neil finished for him. 

Andrew nodded and popped his grape into his mouth, sitting with the burst of sweetness. “I really believe this is it,” he finally replied after a long stretch of silence, the refrigerators hum the only sound in their space. “It’s him... I  _ know _ it’s him. But we have to do this right, otherwise evidence gets thrown out and I lose credibility as a journalist. That’s the last thing I need after the Moriyamas dragged my name through the fucking mud.”

Honestly, he didn’t know what his career would look like now if he even tried to go back to traditional journalism. Maybe the notoriety of Red Rabbits would be enough to salvage it.  _ Maybe not. _ Either way, this podcast wasn’t going to last forever and writing was home. He didn’t want to lose whatever good reputation he still had left. 

Neil nodded. “Right. So, we prove it before we move forward. How do we do that?”

“I think first, we need to send the sketch to the cops.”

Neil stopped with a grape halfway to his mouth. “And... why? They didn’t believe Robin was reliable when we went to see them the first time. They definitely won't take a sketch from her as evidence.”

“No, they won’t,” Andrew agreed. “But we’re doing it so we can say we did - so we can show that we followed the rules and tried to tell them what happened.” He took off his glasses and set them on the floor, almost smiling when Neil immediately picked them up and held them back out to him with a stern look. Andrew rubbed his eyes and ran his hands through his already messy hair, before taking them back. He blew out a breath. “Now we’re looking at a plastic surgery angle.”

“That seems excessive.”

Andrew huffed a laugh. “You have no idea how many asks we got saying that you and your mother probably had plastic surgery to hide your features, so we wouldn’t be able to find you anyway.”

Neil’s laugh was loud in the quiet darkness. “My mother? Stop somewhere to get a medical procedure? Leave a paper trail? She stitched my wounds with dental floss for christ’s sake, no way she would’ve wasted the time and effort.”

Andrew shrugged. “So what about Steven? Do you think he would’ve wasted the time and effort?”

He watched Neil’s brow furrow in thought - watched him lean back on his hands, contemplating the ceiling. His eyes fell down to the shadows that dipped into the curve of his collarbone and the lean muscles of his torso - the little light streaming through the kitchen window glinted on the bar pierced through his navel. He was shirtless and scarred and  _ beautiful _ . 

“I think...” Neil sat up again, brows drawn and eyes still far away in thought. “I think that yeah... He would just to be able to keep doing what he was doing. I think it’s like a game for him, you know? But he’s also not important enough in the overall hierarchy to warrant the kind of protection Nathan had. He’s had help all these years, obviously... Probably from the Moriyamas if we assume Sato knows something. But they wouldn’t have moved to protect him from being caught, just to make sure they weren’t associated with his name. So I think him getting plastic surgery, especially with Robin having escaped and able to ID him, isn’t completely crazy.”

That’s what Andrew had been thinking, but Neil’s perspective on this was worth much more than his because he actually knew how this sort of thing worked. 

“Stuart didn’t recognize the name ‘Phillip Hull’?”

Neil shook his head. “Couldn’t find anything on it either...” He pursed his lips, “Nothing worth note, anyway.”

_ Hm... _

“I guess the challenge now is to figure out whether he actually had the work done. I emailed Monet earlier. Since we can’t find any pictures of him, I want to see if she can do a sketch of James for me. Then we can see them side by side.”

Another pause. This time Neil’s fingers tapping against the tile beneath them accompanied the dark quiet and refrigerator hum. 

“You know...” he eventually said, “Matt’s dad is a plastic surgeon.”

_ What? _ Andrew perked up. He  _ didn’t _ know, mostly because he just didn’t fucking care. But that was helpful.  ~~_Hopeful_ ~~ _._ “Yeah? Think Boyd would let us pick his brain? See if he thinks the changes are possible?”

“I’m sure he would. He thinks I’m great.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and threw a grape at him. “Come on, idiot. Let’s go to bed. We’ll call him in the morning.”

* * *

Sun still rising, and morning still damp and cool, they called Detective Walsh first thing. 

_ ‘If I’d known how irresponsible you two would end up being, we would’ve had a different conversation when you came to see me,’  _ Walsh grumbled into the phone. 

Shit greeting but not unexpected. Neil guessed he must’ve heard the name ‘Andrew Minyard’ and thought, ‘oh this asshole’. As Neil recalled it, the last time they’d seen the pig was in New York and Andrew had stormed out of his office with his middle finger raised in the air. 

_ Yeah. Not unexpected at all. _

And neither was Andrew, chin pulled back as if he were offended as he scoffed, “Irresponsible? So far the only evidence you have,  _ we’ve _ found  _ for _ you. And you call  _ us _ irresponsible? What are you doing besides murdering innocent Black people and brutalizing protestors, anyway?”

Neil pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. 

_ ‘You’re not helping your case. I did a little research on you two when you left my office, you know. Nice record you got.’ _

“Why thank you,” Andrew said pleasantly. “I worked really hard on it.”

_ ‘Neil Josten is the Butcher’s kid. _ ’ And just like that. Walsh said it so quickly, too - like it would come as a fucking surprise to Andrew. Neil saw him visibly stiffen, but he put a hand on his arm before he could say anything. 

“And?” Neil asked before Andrew could. “Nathan Wesninski is dead and the last time I saw him, he was trying to kill both me and my mother, so forgive me for being confused. What does my unfortunate parentage have to do with this case?”

Walsh was the one to scoff this time.  _ ‘We’re supposed to trust you? You know how many cop killings are linked to the Butcher?’ _

“You know how many cops were on his payroll all over the east coast? Spare us,” Neil replied, whip-fast and anger rising. “If the reason you’re refusing to take us seriously is because of me, then I’ll bow the fuck out of this case. I’ll leave this fucking podcast before I let the Newark 9 stay stagnant because  _ you _ have a problem with where I come from.”

There was the smallest pause and Neil could swear he heard Andrew’s teeth grinding together. 

_ ‘Why are you calling me?’ _ Walsh finally said, back to sounding tired. Neil was tired, too. They were all fucking tired. 

“As I was going to explain to you before you rudely started attacking us, we had a forensic sketch artist come in and do a composite of what Robin remembers of Steven, the person we suspect has Haley. We wanted to send it along to you.”

_ ‘Fine.’ _

Andrew and Neil looked at each other, brows raised. 

“Fine?” Neil asked. 

The pig sighed,  _ ‘Yes, fine. Whatever. I won’t be able to use it, obviously, but if it makes you feel better, then sure. Fine.’ _

Neil rolled his eyes. Andrew said, “Check your email. I’m sending it now,” before hanging up and looking up at him again. “Fucking pigs.” 

But Neil didn’t say anything. They were in their podcast chairs in the office, the sun barely reaching their windows yet and the room still awash in the grays and blues of early morning. His coffee was drained on the arm of his chair and he desperately wanted to say more as he looked down at it and ran his finger around the rim. Biting into his lower lip, he let out a breath he felt like he was holding through his nose, sunk down into the cushions, and laid his head against the back. 

“Don’t.”

_ But - _

Neil shook his head. “But what if -”

“No.”

He bit into the inside of his lip harder because

Because he knew people knew who his father was... He knew he was judged for it sometimes - knew that the kid in his class who asked if he was ‘Neil Josten’ in a zoom meeting, a meeting he’d been really excited for because it was his first, asked only because he was the son of The Butcher. 

But he’d never thought all that would actually make him a hindrance to this investigation because of it. 

  
“We need cooperation from the police,” he finally murmured. “If they refuse because of who  _ I _ am, then I won’t be able to handle that, Drew. I don’t want to be the reason he gets away with it...”

“The cops won’t cooperate because they’re  _ cops _ . They swing their dicks around like they’re fucking gods, so anyone who isn’t a cop coming in and trying to solve what they can’t doesn’t sit well with them.” He reached over to grip Neil’s hand where it rested on the arm of the chair. “Fuck them, Neil. I need you for this case.”

He didn’t know how true that was, but it made him feel better anyway. He forcefully shook all the bad feelings off for the moment and moved onto their next order of business. “Want me to call Matty?”

Andrew rolled his eyes at the nickname and that helped neutralize the atmosphere a bit more. “Yes, call  _ Matty. _ Monet is meeting me at the studio in a few hours and we’ll get the sketch done so we can ask about plastic surgery.” As Neil pulled out his phone, Andrew did the same. However, Neil became completely distracted as Andrew focused on something on his screen, obviously reading something. It was probably some list he’d made because he was forever making lists even though he remembered everything anyway. He cracked his pinky as he read and pulled his hair over one shoulder and 

_ And _

And suddenly, the weight that was beginning to press on Neil’s shoulders - the negativity and the almost- _ shame _ , began to dissipate because

_ Because _

Because sometimes, there were moments in this past year where  _ something _ about Andrew just fucking hit him and distracted him from any and everything else. It usually came in times like these where he’d begun to doubt himself. He’d start to believe those doubts because of the intrusive voice that tried to niggle in the back of his mind and remind him how stupid he actually was for believing he could have any of  _ this _ . 

He’d gotten good at shutting out that voice and replacing it with the reminder of who he really was, what he’d built, and who he’d built it with.

“Hey, Stud.”

Andrew looked up at him and raised a brow. 

Neil grinned, because he could - because he  _ wanted _ to. “You can come and meet me out front...”

“Neil, no -”

“But, Andrew... you got all the muscles and the features I want.” He stood, leaving the voices and doubts behind as he plopped himself in Andrew’s lap and straddled his hips. Andrew got his arms and phone up and out of the way just in time and Neil took that opportunity to squeeze his biceps. “And I want what I want, my love. OH OH OH OH”

“I swear to god if you keep singing that fucking song.”

“You’ll what?” Neil asked innocently.

“I’ll -”

“HEY TOUGH! What’s it like to be so big and strong and so buff?”

Andrew stood suddenly and Neil squeaked, only just wrapping his legs around Andrew’s waist in time to avoid falling. “It’s great, thanks.” 

Neil laughed and allowed himself to be carried to the bedroom, completely forgetting for the moment anything about cops and Nathan and where he’d come from. 

Because this was where he was now.

-

The day turned out to be hot but with a gentle breeze. Neil and Matt laid in the grass of Neil and Andrew’s backyard, far enough apart so they wouldn’t need masks. 

“That cloud looks like a dick.”

Neil turned his head to the side and squinted. “Maybe, I guess. That’s a really long dick.”

Matt turned on his side to face him. “How’s Andrew’s dick?”

And Neil burst out laughing so hard it was an honest to god  _ guffaw _ . “Are you fucking joking?”

“Nah, see... I’ve always wondered. Like he’s real small, right? Is his dick proportionately small? I’m just saying you seem real satisfied with yourself here lately and sometimes I swear I can smell the fuckin’ sex pheromones on y’all so like. How’s the dick?”

“I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Must be small then.” Matt laid back on his back and Neil clenched his jaw. 

_ Goddamnit. _

“It’s really fucking nice okay?!” He gestured vaguely, trying to find the right words. “It’s... the  _ perfect _ size and it’s  _ not _ small and I love it. And,” he scoffed, “Andrew may be short but he’s  _ thick _ which should tell you what you need to know. Now, shut up before I start asking about Dan’s dick.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a smile curl the corner of Matt’s mouth as he just shrugged. “Go ahead. It’s bigger than mine. The rubber’s a little stiff though.”

“Oh my  _ god _ , Matt.” Neil threw a handful of grass at him. “You talk too fucking much.”

“According to you and every teacher I’ve ever had, little buddy. How’s school going?” Subject changed like he was satisfied. 

Neil sighed and looked back up at the clouds. “It’s only been a week, so fine so far. I just wish I could go sit in an actual classroom.”

“Why?”

Neil shrugged because he didn’t really know. He guessed he just wanted the experience, but then again, he was a 26-year-old college freshman. All he could seriously think during that class zoom meeting was how fucking young everyone seemed. Though, even when he was faking his way through his senior year of high school in Arizona, everyone seemed so fucking young then, too. Worried about  _ hooking up _ and  _ prom _ and the  _ baseball team  _ (which was fucking criminal, if you asked him). 

“Well, I’m glad you’re going for it. I think it’s cool.”

“Thanks. What’s the word on Exy?”

Matt laughed. Neil asked every time they talked. “The season would be over for pros by now anyway. They’re looking to start next season in May. I wouldn’t be mad if it didn’t **,”** ~~_WHAT_ ~~ **“** happen.”

Neil sat up and stared over at him like he was crazy. “What.”

Matt put his hands behind his head and sighed, squinting up at the sky. “Don’t panic, I’m contractually locked in for three more years. But I’m just enjoying spending all this time with Dan. And you. It’s nice... One day when Dan and I get married and start having babies, I’m going to be a stay at home Dad.”

“You’d want  _ that _ over  _ exy _ ?” The idea seemed so fucking ridiculous. Neil literally couldn’t even imagine it. 

“Fuck yeah, I’d want that over exy. You kiddin’ me? It’s the perfect life.”

He looked far away. Neil shook his head, trying to comprehend it all. Matt was the best player in the league right now... He had another good ten years in him if he played to retirement. The idea of being able to play professionally and then just stopping to have babies was just so???

_ Then again, I don’t understand having babies, so that’s probably part of the issue.  _

Opening his mouth to reply, the sliding door off the deck opened and Neil quickly looked over his shoulder to see Andrew sticking his head out, looking at them like they were nuts. “What the fuck are you two doing?”

“What does it look like we’re doing, Minyard? We’re enjoying nature.”

“Gross. Get inside I have the sketch.” Matt flicked him off but sat up when Andrew closed the door again. He looked over at Neil.

“Short and thick, huh?”

Neil threw another handful of grass before heading inside.

* * *

Grinning as they put their masks back on, Boyd and Neil came waltzing back into the house and Andrew rolled his eyes, secretly glad to see Neil smiling. Boyd was fucking annoying, but he was a good friend to Neil. 

Andrew pulled his iPad out of his bag and brought up the photo Monet emailed to him. 

_ She’d done a great fucking job. _

“Wow. Yeah,” Neil said, resting his chin on Andrew’s shoulder. “That’s definitely James.”

Andrew hummed in agreement and checked the time. “Boyd, your father said 2pm was good, correct?”

Boyd nodded, eyes grim. He leaned against their counter, arms crossed over his chest and

“Snap the fuck out of it.”

Matt’s eyes met his and they seethed, but he didn’t respond. 

Neil said quietly, “Andrew...” but he didn’t listen. He was sick of Boyd pouting about this. 

“No,” ‘ _ Andrew’ _ responded to Neil, then flicked his eyes back to Boyd. “Stop fucking brooding because you knew James before all this. No one gives a fuck that you bought property from him. You know why? Because that connection was what helped us in the first place. We would’ve never known his name meant anything if we hadn’t used him to look at houses to begin with. Now you’re in  _ my _ fucking house getting your emotional puppy energy all over the place over something that’s going to be the key to solving this. Fucking. Stop it.”

Boyd blinked at him, then shook his head. “You’re such an asshole.” But Andrew didn’t miss the way his shoulders relaxed - the way his eyes unnarrowed. He felt Neil squeeze his hip and leaned into him for a second, before turning to head upstairs. 

Neil and Boyd followed behind and made themselves comfortable in the office as Andrew brought up the zoom meeting on their large desktop monitor. They sat around the computer so all three of them were in frame and Andrew quickly set up the mic and screen capture so they could record the conversation. He didn’t know if they were going to put it on air yet, but it was generally good to have this with the rest of their files. They’d already gotten Boyd’s father’s consent, but he’d ask anyway just in case. 

**[ RECORD ON ]**

It didn’t take long until their zoom meeting request was accepted and Dr. Donald Boyd, respected NYC plastic surgeon and apparently rich asshole, showed up on the screen. That was pretty much all Andrew knew about the man and all he really needed to know. He looked like an asshole, too. Mouth set in a frown and brow that looked constantly furrowed. 

“Matthew,” he said, acknowledging Boyd.

“Dad. This is Andrew, and this is Neil.” He gestured to the both of them. “They’re the ones working on this case and had the questions about James. I already told you that they’re recording, but just to check, it is okay?”

“Perfectly fine.”

“Right. So, dad, it’s really important before they talk to you that you know you can’t talk about this. Okay? Seriously, it has to stay between us.”

Andrew glanced at Matt and pursed his lips at how quickly he covered anything.  _ Pretty good, Boyd  _ \- something he’d never admit out loud. 

“Yes, I assumed,” his dad replied, then directed his eyes to Andrew and Neil on the other side of the screen. “Nice to meet you. What can I help you with?” He was curt, but Andrew wanted to get this over with just as much as he did. 

Explaining as succinctly as he could, he laid it out neatly. “We just have a quick question about plastic surgery for you. We had a composite of a man and James Hodges made. We wanted to know if it would be possible to make the changes to his face cosmetically.”

Dr. Boyd looked startled for a moment, before slowly nodding. Andrew pulled the pictures up and shared his screen. Honestly, looking at them side by side, it was so easy to see all the changes - narrowing of the nose, filling of the lips, maybe a brow lift. 

“Matthew, is this a joke?” His dad sounded nervous. Andrew and Neil both looked at Boyd, who rolled his eyes. 

“No, dad. Last time I told you a joke you offered me a speedball. I learned my lesson.”

Dr. Boyd’s face set in a full scowl. “That was a long time ago, Matthew. I don’t know what game you’re playing, if this is to punish me further-”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Andrew asked, annoyed now. Something was wrong here. There was real panic on Dr. Boyd’s face.

“Yes,” he finally said. “It’s possible, and I know it’s possible because I’m the one that did the work.”

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

* * *

Matt was having a panic attack. 

Okay, not really a whole ass Neil Josten panic attack, but he was currently lying on the floor of their office with Sir culled up on his chest and his arm flung over his eyes. He was too fucking big - stretched so far across the room that Neil had to hop over him to land in one of the chairs. 

“Matty, this is a good thing.” And that was true. Though it didn’t seem like such a good thing from his father’s point of view, it meant that they were ten steps closer than they’d been yesterday. After Dr. Boyd had dropped that bombshell, Andrew quickly decided that they were going to use just the audio of the call, redact the names, and have Seth alter their voices. Dr. Boyd agreed only after a little convincing and though Matt did also, here he still was. 

“You’re just saying that because you’re my friend.”

Neil watched Andrew as he flung his head back dramatically from his chair and rolled his eyes at the ceiling. 

“We just got confirmation that this fuckface is him? Like? We fucking know now.  _ You _ did that for us. We wouldn’t have had that without your dad and without you. You found Robin’s abuser, Matt.”

Andrew dropped his chin to look at him incredulously because no, Matt hadn’t really found her abuser. Andrew and Neil had clocked a lot of hours trying to do just that. But still... Matt was a key part of this. 

Matt moved his arm and sighed, whining, “You’re right. I’m glad my dad was good for something for once. I just hate that I’ve been in the same room as that guy and I didn’t beat the fuck out of him for what he’s done...”

“We all feel that way.”

Matt shifted on the floor, dislodging Sir. “This floor is so uncomfortable. Y’all need a rug in here.”

“I hate rugs,” Andrew said from his chair, looking down at Matt like he was contemplating kicking him. “But you’re right, these floors are hard on the knees.”

Matt twisted his head to look at him, top lip curling. “You’ve fucked on this floor haven’t you?”

“Recently?” Neil asked seriously.

“Oh my god.”

Andrew sighed. “Boyd, we’ve fucked on every available surface in this house, and some that weren’t, so if you’re looking for a bit of space that’s free from fucking, I’m afraid you’re shit out of luck.”

Neil laughed.  _ It’s funny because it’s so fucking true. _

Matt inhaled a deep breath, “Right. I’m leaving.” He heaved himself up and stood. “Call me if you need anything else. Keep us updated on what your next steps are.”

Neil nodded, but added quickly, “Hey, don’t mention this to Robin yet, okay? Andrew should be the one to tell her.”

Matt pressed his lips together but nodded. 

They listened to his heavy footsteps on the stairs and listened as he opened and closed the front door. Neil looked over at Andrew. 

“It’s really him,” Andrew murmured after a while, eyes far off and staring into middle space. Neil thought the shock was finally settling in. 

“Yes,” he replied quietly. 

Andrew blinked a few times, then took off his mask and rubbed his face under his glasses. “I don’t know what to do now,” he admitted. “I don’t know where to go from here. The cops won’t take us seriously because they don’t take  _ Robin _ seriously. We need something else.”

“Then we’ll get something else,” Neil said simply.  _ We have to. _ “The hardest part is over. We have him, Drew.” Andrew looked over to him and he looked so young just then. Vulnerable. Like he couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“We have him.”

* * *

Andrew didn’t sleep. 

Couldn’t sleep. 

He sat in the office, one leg bouncing up and down in a staccato rhythm as he chewed on his pen. 

_ There has to be something else. There has to be something missing. _

A cup of coffee rested at his elbow to help keep him awake. He’d tied his hair on top of his head, only to rip it out again and run his hands through the tangles, pulling in frustration. 

He was so absorbed in his notes, he didn’t hear Neil until he spoke. 

“You’re going to wear yourself out, Drew,” he said quietly. 

Andrew looked up to see him leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed over the black cropped hoodie that no longer belonged to Andrew. Ever since the night Neil had woken up from a nightmare and Andrew had pulled it over his head before bringing him back to bed, it had been Neil’s. He wore a pair of low slung sweats with them and Andrew suddenly wondered why he wasn’t, in fact, curled around him in bed right now. 

“Can’t sleep,” He rasped, throat dry and he grimaced as he took a sip of cold coffee. 

Neil sighed and pulled the extra chair over, leaning over to look at Andrew’s notes. 

“Why’s  **Stanza Rim** circled?”

Andrew shrugged and cracked his pinky, squinting down at the LLC he’d written over and over again. “I don’t really know... Just feels like there’s something there. It’s the one thing we haven’t been able to figure out.” He tapped his pen on the paper impatiently. “Why haven’t we been able to figure it out?”

“It doesn’t exist.”

“But what’s the point?  **Stanza Rim** ? That has to mean something, right?”

Neil sighed and leaned back in the chair, lacing his fingers over his bare stomach, right above the faint glint of the metal of his piercing. They’d made a private appointment with Andrew’s piercing guy when Neil said he wanted it done, and Andrew had to say - the results were excellent.

“Stanza is something related to music, right?”

“More poetry, but I guess. It’s basically a verse. Maybe something about poetry?”

“Hmmm... Maybe. I wouldn’t put it past him to be overly dramatic. But even if it was, why would it matter? What would that tell us?”

Andrew shook his head and pressed his lips together, staring down at the words. “I don’t know. Maybe Robin has some answers, but I hate to even ask her about any of this.”

“She’s here to help, Drew.”

He didn’t respond, doodling with too much pressure on the page as he thought. His aching hand moved without even really thinking as he watched himself write Robin’s name under the  **R** in  **Rim** . 

And then he wrote Imani’s under the  **I** . 

And

_ And _

He froze, looking at the letters over and over again and, “Holy shit -” 

He wrote the letters out and matched a name to each. 

**S** \-  **S** ofia

**T** \-  **T** amika

**A** \-  **A** lyssa

**N** \-  **N** ia

**Z** \-  **Z** oe

**A** \-  **A** mira

**R** \-  **R** obin

**I** \-  **I** mani

**M** \-  **M** akenna

“That sick fucking piece of shit...” Neil breathed over Andrew’s shoulder. 

Andrew dropped his pen, looking down at the names of the girls Steven had tortured and abused and killed. 

His hands were shaking. With anger? Revulsion? Fear? 

_ All of them _ .

And then, he was energized. Adrenaline spiked in his veins, elevating his heart rate and the first pound of his pulse in his ear was like the boom of realization in his brain. 

This was a break. They’d gotten two huge fucking breaks today. 

Andrew shot up, pacing back and forth as too many things tried to sort themselves in his brain into some sort of cohesive order. He closed his eyes as he mumbled to himself, Neil watching quietly because he knew too. 

_ We’re onto something because _ “It’s a fucking anagram. Why the fuck didn’t I see it?!” he hissed to himself. “Fuck - Okay... Okay. This is  _ okay. _ We know now.” If he kept pacing he was going to make himself dizzy. Stopping he pressed his fingers into his eyes underneath his glasses, then dropped them and spun to face Neil. “So what if this is what he does? Just uses different anagrams? Okay.” He resumed pacing. 

“So,” Neil started slowly, “Obviously this was after Robin. But what if he had property pre-Robin that he used the other girl’s names for?”

_ Yes - _

“Yes,” Andrew hissed, plopping into the chair in front of his computer and pulling it up. “Okay, so that would be  **S** ,  **T** ,  **A** ,  **N** ,  **Z** ,  **A** ,  **I** ,  **M** . Let’s see what it brings up.”

-

They worked at it for hours, taking different letters and feeding them into an anagram program on google. They had so many names and they wrote down the ones that seemed most plausible. 

“We can look for houses under these names in the Newark area,” Neil said around a yawn as the sun climbed the morning sky. “See if we find anything.”

“Go to bed,” Andrew told him, reaching over to rub his neck and watched as Neil’s eyes drooped closed. It would be full morning before long. 

“You come too.”

“I can’t.”

Neil cracked his eyes open to look at him. “Your nightmares are worse when you don’t get enough sleep. This is already a tough case for you... Just come to bed, at least for a couple of hours.” He took Andrew’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “For me? I won’t be able to sleep if I know you’re in here.”

Andrew sighed because Neil knew him so well and because of that, knew exactly what to say - knew Andrew would do anything to make sure Neil was taken care of and safe and healthy. He stood and pulled Neil up by the hand he was still holding and kissed him, one hand going to the bare skin on his back. Andrew pressed against the soft warmth of him and hugged Neil to him tighter. 

“A couple of hours,” Andrew whispered against Neil’s lips.

-

A couple of hours ended up being half the next day. 

They were both exhausted. Adrenaline had been pumping through them since they’d talked to Matt’s dad, and now they felt stagnant. 

After dragging themselves from the bed and taking a shower in an attempt to wake themselves up more, they were now going through names that seemed likely for an anagram and plugging them into the property appraiser’s website for Newark.

And came up with nothing. Over and over and over again. Andrew could feel his frustration building. 

“We’re wrong,” he eventually said. “We’re wasting time.”

“We don’t know that. Come on. Let’s just get through these names. One more hour of looking and then we’ll go get milkshakes.”

Andrew glanced at Neil sideways.  _ Bribing me with milkshakes even though you’re going to take two sips of vanilla and try to pawn it off to me. _ That thought both annoyed and pleased him. 

But he got back to it. With Neil beside him and his own laptop, he searched. They started in bed, too tired to move any further after dressing for the day. Then they were in the office, typing away. Then the living room, the kitchen, and finally, Neil forced Andrew outside for some fresh air. 

And right as he was about to give up, he struck gold. 

**Ant I, LLC** . There was a home in Newark owned by a company called  **Ant I, LLC** . Andrew quickly plugged the address into google and covered his mouth with his hands as the pictures loaded. 

He let out a breath and leaned back, staring at the computer.

“Drew?” 

Andrew didn’t answer. He couldn’t find words. 

Bee burned behind his ear and he relished in the soft  _ buzz _ at the back of his head because he knew. 

_ This is it. _

Matching Robin’s description perfectly, a two-story house stared back at him surrounded by a secluded, wooded area. The finishings on it were white, but the siding was  _ blue _ . 

_ ‘It was big… But I was so small when I first saw it, maybe it just seemed like that. I do remember it being out of the way because I never saw any houses nearby. I’m sure we were still somewhere in Newark, but I don’t know where - on the outskirts maybe... I remember it being blue, too. Three stories if you count the basement. Nice... New Englandish. Expensive looking.’ _

Neil set his laptop aside and came to sit next to him on the stairs of the deck leading into the yard. Andrew clicked back over to the property appraiser website and pointed to the name. 

“Ant one?” 

“Ant  **I** ,” Andrew answered. “It looked like a roman numeral one, but it’s an I.  **A** mira,  **N** ia,  **T** amika,  **I** mani.”

“The first four.”

Andrew nodded and brought the pictures back up. 

Neil sucked in a breath. “Holy shit...”

Andrew pulled it up on his phone and saved the picture, sending it in a text to Robin with a warning so she knew what she was getting into when she opened it. 

His phone rang almost immediately. 

_ ‘How’d you find it?’ _ She didn’t sound upset. She didn’t sound scared. She sounded completely normal, which was more worrying. 

“So this is it?” he asked. “You’re sure?”

Robin went quiet for a moment before she answered,  _ ‘I’m sure.’ _

“Did Boyd tell you about yesterday?” he asked, setting his laptop aside and walking into the yard. Neil went inside. He didn’t really need privacy for this, but Neil knew that he and Robin shared things he didn’t. Andrew appreciated the gesture. 

_ ‘No, he came inside and said, ‘I can’t tell you’ then shut himself in his and Dan’s room. I didn’t know what he was talking about.’ _

Andrew rubbed his forehead and though the  _ buzz _ had faded away, a headache was beginning to brew in its place. “Can you come over...? There’s a lot to go over and I’d rather do it face to face. I can come pick you up if you want.”

_ ‘No, it’s fine. Kevin is coming to get me to take me to court. I’ll just have him bring me by there on the way. Do you care if he’s there, too?’ _

“No, that’s fine.” He hadn’t seen Kevin in a while. Not that he missed him or anything. _ As if. _ He just liked to lay eyes on him every once in a while to make sure he was still in one piece. 

Once they’d hung up, Andrew found himself looking down at his bare feet in the grass... Then at the grill in the corner of the yard, and the flowers by the dining room windows that he’d planted because Neil said they would attract bees and butterflies, and even though he hated both those things, Neil didn’t. 

It all felt like such a juxtaposition of his life. He had one foot still embedded in his trauma, which was why he was even doing this podcast in the first place - why he was trying to get justice for these girls. But then his other foot was planted here in this grass, growing roots and keeping him grounded in a way that he’d never had before.  _ Not even with Bee. _

He looked down at his feet again. Both of them seemed to co-exist okay. He didn’t have to purge his trauma to keep himself grounded.  _ Here _ . Not that he would’ve been able to, but it was nice to know that Neil would never expect it of him. 

He hoped Robin knew it should never be expected of her either.

* * *

Neil sat with Andrew in the big armchair they liked to curl up in together some nights. They were squished, but he didn’t mind. Andrew was the one who pulled him down so he didn’t think he minded either. 

Kevin and Robin sat on opposite ends of the couch, maintaining a bit of distance, but Kevin seemed like he didn’t want to go too far. 

“Your sketch was incredibly helpful, Robin,” Andrew said gently, and Neil squeezed his leg. 

Robin leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. “Did someone recognize him?”

Andrew shook his head. “Not exactly. You know we’ve been suspecting James, but the evidence was stacked against him. Both in regards to the timelines and the composite.”

Robin nodded but didn’t say anything. 

“We spoke to my Uncle about James,” Neil continued. “He told us the USC story checked out, but that the  _ James Hodges _ who was a realtor and went to USC, actually died in 2004.”

Robin went completely still. She’d been bouncing a knee nervously up until that point.

“So,” Andrew continued, “we spoke with Boyd’s dad, who’s a plastic surgeon.” Andrew picked up the tablet in his lap and opened it to the side by side of the two sketches. He reached to hand it to Robin who reached back, taking it slowly. She looked down at it while Andrew continued.

“He confirmed that the changes were possible,” he paused as if mulling it over his tongue before inhaling a deep breath and finishing, “and confirmed he was the one that made them.”

Kevin and Robin’s heads both snapped up to Andrew.

“Are you serious?” Kevin asked. “Matt’s father did the work on this guy?”

“That’s what he says,” Neil confirmed. “He was pretty shaken.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Kevin mumbled. 

“So…” Robin’s voice was shaking now. “So, this is it. We’ve got him?”

Andrew rubbed his hands on his jeans and ran his fingers through his hair before looking Robin in the eye. “Not yet. We don’t have him yet, Robin. But, yes. We know who he is and we know where he’s at.”

She dropped the iPad on the couch and laced her fingers together, bringing her hands in front of her face. Closing her eyes, she took a deep, shuddering breath. It sounded so loud in this room. 

Kevin reached over to pat her awkwardly on the back. 

He tries. 

After a long moment, Robin lowered her hands and opened her eyes, straightening her spine. “What’s next?”

“Well, we’ve been able to figure out the company he had his place in New York and Newark under was actually an anagram.  **Stanza Rim** . The letters make up the 9,” Andrew explained. “We took the letters of the girls before you to try and see if it was a trick he’d used more than once, and it was.”

“That’s how you found the house?”

Neil nodded. “But, the problem now is that the police don’t take any of this seriously. We talked to the detective again to send them the composite you did, and they still believe you’re an unreliable witness.” He could practically hear Andrew’s eyes rolling in his head from beside him. “Because of that, we can’t tell them to just go arrest James Hodges with no real evidence.”

“So?” Robin asked.

“So, our next move is to go to Newark and look at the house. It’s listed as for sale online, so the chances are low that he has Hailey there, but it’s still worth it to poke around and see if there’s anything we can find.”

Robin nodded. “I should go with you.”

Andrew shrugged, “I won’t stop you if you really feel like you need to be there. But, Robin, no one expects that of you. You’d be walking right back into the place where your trauma occurred. You’d have to stand in that space again. I’m not going to tell you what you can and can’t handle, I just know if I had to step foot in the bedroom I had to sleep in where most of my trauma occurred, I would absolutely not be able to handle it.”

Her jaw tightened as she swallowed hard and stared at the two of them. Andrew was giving her a choice and Neil knew he would never make her stay behind because this thing was as much about her as it was the rest of the girls. But he also knew that Andrew was no stranger to triggers and he was no stranger to hell. Neil was so glad he was here to navigate this with her. 

“I also worry that if Steven knows you’re there,” Neil added, “he might make a move. Obviously he knows us and he’s probably going to figure out we found the house, but if he knows you’re there on top of it? I’m worried he’ll try to contact you or even show up.” 

That was Neil’s worst nightmare now - Robin having to come face to face with  _ him _ . 

“When do you leave?” She asked quietly. 

“Monday,” Andrew answered. 

“I’ll think about it and let you know.”

Andrew nodded. “We’ll support whatever you decide. Just know that you don’t owe anyone anything, and we don’t expect you to exchange your mental health for this.”

She and Andrew stared at one another for two heartbeats, before she dropped her eyes to check her watch, then stood. “We should get to th court.”

Kevin rose with her, but Andrew stopped him. “Robin, do you mind if I talk to Kevin for a second?”

“Sure. I’m going to go outside... I need some air.”

All three of them watched her go, and Kevin sat back down with his brow furrowed in concern. Neil knew what was coming, but he didn’t know how Kevin would react.

“We spoke to Ichirou.”

Kevin’s face turned hard, the way it always did when anyone mentioned the Moriyamas. It was different from when someone mentioned Riko, though. He held a special sort of anger, hurt, and disgust for Riko. 

“So?”

“So,” Andrew told him, “I mentioned Moreau.”

Kevin's green eyes went wide. “You didn’t.  _ Andrew _ , what the fuck?! Do you have any idea what kind of danger-”

Andrew held up a hand, and Kevin snapped his mouth shut, but Neil had a feeling it was only so he didn’t have to finish his thought out loud. “Ichirou claims they don’t take children as collateral anymore. That he put a stop to it when his father died.”

“Jean isn’t a child anymore,” Kevin said through gritted teeth.

“Yes, I’m aware.” And Neil could tell it was taking absolutely everything Andrew had not to throw another sarcastic barb. Thankfully, he resisted. “He likes to act like he’s above it, but I reminded him that he has a literal slave in Moreau. He’s trapped there at that school, I’m assuming without pay, for fear of being killed.”

“And?” 

“And I don’t know, Kevin. Maybe nothing will come of it. I just wanted you to know that it’s been mentioned.”

Kevin relaxed after a moment, working his jaw as if to unclench it as he uncrossed his arms from his chest. Eventually, he spoke quietly. 

“Thank you.”

* * *

Andrew was exhausted all over again after the talk with Robin and Kevin. He’d support her in whatever she decided, but he was still worried. 

There was no time for that, though. Because after a fitful night of sleep, the next day they launched into full planning mode. 

“You’re not going to like this,” Neil said after trying to figure out the best way to gain access to the house without tipping off James. 

“We don’t need him.”

“No, we could probably do it without him. But honestly, Drew? I’d feel better if he had our backs. He can be the one to make the appointment to see the house and we can tag along. Get in, get out, get home.”

Andrew let out a frustrated groan. He hadn’t laid eyes on Ramsey since that ill-fated trip to Bee’s and he’d rather not ever again if he could absolutely help it. 

But, of course, he couldn’t. Because

“Have you talked to Bee?”

_ Ugh... _ Andrew shrugged, crossing his arms and positively pouting. “We’ve texted some, but Neither of us has mentioned it.”

“Maybe you should.”

_ No. _

He was done talking about it. 

“Fine. Call him. Whatever. I just want to get this done and put this fucker in prison where he belongs.”

Neil stood and kissed the side of his head. “Me too, babe.”

-

Stuart and Ramsey showed up at their door two hours later. 

“Nephew. Andrew,” Stuart greeted with that stupid fucking smile. Ramsey said nothing and Andrew was glad. “No dinner this time? I’m disappointed, the last meal was divine.”

“Not feeding you this time,” Andrew mumbled with a scowl. Stuart raised a brow and looked between him and Ramsey who was as blank-faced and bored looking as ever. He lifted his eyes to the ceiling and sighed. 

“This is why I’m an eternal bachelor. Love is just so  _ messy. _ ”

“Okay,” Neil said before Andrew could spit more venom Stuart’s way. “Sit down you two and let’s hash this out.”

They sat. 

Andrew and Neil sat. 

Neil did the talking. 

Andrew glared while Ramsey and Stuart both listened intently, and Stuart whistled when Neil was done.

“You really did it, then?”

“Not yet,” Andrew said through his teeth because they hadn’t. It’s what he’d told Robin too because it was true. This could so easily fall apart in their hands. He was half tempted to just tell Stuart to go and off the guy for them, but there was no real justice in that. He wanted the families of these girls to see him pay for it. 

_ For Robin to see him pay for it. _

“Alright,” Stuart nodded. “Ramsey will go ahead, check out the house, see if he’s going to it at all, or on any kind of schedule. He’ll set the appointment for Monday, and you two can meet them there.”

Neil nodded. “Sounds good.”

“I have something for you, Nephew. Walk to the car with me.”

Neil looked between Ramsey and Andrew uncertainly before following his uncle outside. He didn’t even send a warning look to Andrew or anything and ugh. That means Neil  _ trusted _ him not to throttle the old geezer and

_ Ugh. _

Andrew stared straight at Ramsey instead, daring him to blink first. 

The bastard didn’t. He just stared right back and

“I’ll kill you if something happens to her.”

Ramsey chuckled. Actually chuckled at him. He leaned forward and clasped his hands together, watching Andrew with his head cocked. “You really think you could, youngblood?”

“I could try.”

There was a pause before Ramsey nodded in assent. “True. Seems like the last two you tried to off, you did a proper job of.”

Andrew blinked.  _ Lola _ , sure. That’d been discussed. But how the fuck could he know about Tilda?

Ramsey smirked, knowingly. “Stuart wasn’t ‘bout to let you in ‘ere with ol’ nephew without doin’ ‘is homework. It was obvious to anyone who isn’ a ‘alf arsed American cop that it wasn’ no accident. You killed ‘er.”

Andrew shrugged, shaking off the surprise because “I’d do it again,” he said vehemently. “I’d do it every fucking time. She got what she deserved.”

Ramsey nodded. “‘N’ tha’s why Stuart secretly likes you.”

Speak of the devil, Stuart and Neil walked back in and Ramsey took that as his cue to stand. Andrew redirected his attention to the small black briefcase in Neil’s hand. He raised a slow brow. 

“Right,” Stuart sighed, slapping Neil on the shoulder. “We’ll be off then. Ramsey will leave tomorrow, meet you two there Monday. Good?”

They both nodded and Andrew watched as Neil saw them to the door and bid them goodbye. When he turned around, Andrew nodded to the case. 

“What’s that?”

Neil bit the inside of his lip while searching his face. 

_ Fuck. _

He could already tell he was going to fucking hate whatever it was as Neil gestured to the couch. “Sit down for a minute, Drew.”

“Oh jesus fuck, what now?” Andrew groaned, flopping himself down into the cushions. Neil lowered himself beside him and set the case between them. Opening it towards himself first, he sighed as he turned it around to face Andrew to show him a black handgun nestled inside the foam. 

Andrew instinctively recoiled. 

“What the  _ fuck _ , Neil?”

“Andrew, just listen-”

“No! He gave you a fucking gun?!” He wanted to throw it out a window. He wanted Neil as far away from it as fucking possible. Andrew had never been around guns and part of the reason was that he knew as an angry teenager that if he ever was, he would’ve used it. 

Neil just looked at him though, patiently waiting him out. It took several steadying breaths for him to finally settle under Neil’s gaze and let him explain. 

“I don’t think this is a horrible idea. After what happened with Lola...”  ~~_No._ ~~ “Andrew,” he whispered, as if he could feel Andrew’s want to interrupt. “We have no idea what James is capable of. I mean... we  _ do _ . He’s capable of raping and murdering  _ children _ . Do you think he’ll think twice if we get too close?”

“Do you even know how to use that thing?” Andrew asked instead. 

Neil pressed his lips together but smiled. It was just a bit in the corner of his lips and Andrew watched the contemplation in those  _ icy _ eyes, before he gently lifted the gun from the case. Pointing it in the opposite direction of where they were sitting, he proceeded to take it apart with a lot of very complicated looking things very quickly. First taking out the ammunition (cool, a loaded gun), sliding something back, popping something off, and laying the now disassembled gun pieces on the couch in front of them. He then picked it back up and assembled it again, leaving the magazine out this time. 

Once he was finished, Andrew heard him inhale a deep breath before he looked up at Andrew seriously. “I’ve told you I’ve killed people, Andrew. I did what I had to do to protect myself and my mother. How did you think I’d done that...?”

Andrew stared at him - looked into that icy blue and shook his head to keep himself from drowning. 

“It didn’t matter how. It only mattered that you lived.”

“Well, this is how I lived. And I don’t think it’s an awful idea,” he repeated. “I don’t want to be caught unawares. I don’t...” His brows furrowed as if whatever thought inside of his head physically pained him, “Andrew, I don’t want to see you like you were that night with Lola. I can’t take it. Never again...” He closed his eyes and rubbed them with his thumb and forefinger like he was trying to get rid of a mental image. “Listen. I know how to use a gun. I know how to  _ safely _ use a gun. My mother took me shooting every place we went to make sure I’d remembered how and,” he huffed a humorless laugh, “I’m a good fucking shot.” 

Andrew chewed on his lip ring. He didn’t doubt that Neil could shoot, but  _ that isn’t really the issue.  _

“If you get caught with this gun, then what? You’re the butcher’s kid, Neil.” He softened his tone and sighed when Neil flinched. “I just mean they’re going to hold that against you, and if you shoot someone and get caught - whether self-defense or not - you think they’ll take it easy on you?”

“Then I won’t get caught.” He said it like it was so simple. 

But Andrew was torn. On one hand, he hated guns. He hated everything they represented in this  _ shithole _ country. On the other hand

_ I want him to be able to protect himself at any cost.  _

Neil placed the unloaded gun back in the case and closed it before moving it aside so he could scoot closer to Andrew. He smoothed his hand behind his ear with gentle fingers and brought their foreheads together. 

“I just want to protect you,” he whispered. “That darkness? The one you said ties us together...?” He kissed Andrew softly before continuing. “I would wrap it around us both and drown in it if it meant we’re alive and together.”

_ ‘I would wrap it around us both and drown in it if it meant we’re alive and together.’ _

The case fell to the floor when Andrew kissed Neil back and lowered him to lay on the couch. 

And that night in bed, they whispered about things they’d only ever made fun of. They talked seriously and they joked and they laughed and kissed and fell asleep holding hands, decided. 

Andrew had never been more sure about anything in his life.

* * *

After receiving a text from Robin late last night saying she wasn’t going to come along, Monday morning found them up early again. They’d filled the team in briefly, but neither wanted to rehash everything. They’d already told Robin the full story and that was what was most important. 

There was a long fucking drive ahead of them, again. They’d briefly considered flying, but neither of them really wanted to get on a plane and honestly?

They fucking loved road trips. Neil loved being in the car with Andrew talking about random shit they never seemed to talk about any other time. He loved listening to Andrew’s emo music and singing at the top of their lungs to their favorites. He loved watching Andrew handle a car - the way he leaned back, the way he used one hand, the way he always had his window cracked just a little so the wind played in his hair. 

This time, though, Andrew made sure he was the one in charge of the snacks. Once they were in the car and Andrew was behind the wheel, Neil dug through the bag. There was candy, of course... Beef jerky and protein bars because _muscles, Neil_ , and little bags of Neil’s favorite trail mix. 

Andrew had found a big box of Neil’s favorite brand that came with individual packs. Or, Neil assumed he did. A few weeks ago these little bags started showing up in random places. The first one was in the fridge on top of a container of cottage cheese. The last he’d found was in his sock drawer. Andrew always denied any knowledge of how they appeared.

He looked over when Neil held up a bag. “How’d that get in there?”

Neil snorted. “My boyfriend loves me more than you do. He makes sure I’m taken care of.”

“Yeah? If you could tell him to pick up part of the bill for your peach habit, that’d be great.”

Neil sucked in a breath. “Mmmm, I think that’ll be a problem? Because he actually wanted me to talk to you about all the hickeys you leave on my thighs.”

Neil watched a slow smile curve on Andrew’s lips. “I like those hickeys.”

“Me, too.”

And  _ this _ was why he loved road trips. It was like they only existed inside this car and that made everything easier, somehow. 

They drove for a few hours and made a quick stop in North Carolina. 

Well.

Quickish, anyway. 

When they were ready to head out, they got back in the car and stared at each other for what must’ve been a full minute, before laughing in unison and kissing each other hard. Only once they were breathless and beaming did Neil finally pull back, keeping his hands to himself and nodding his chin to the pocket Andrew had his phone in. “Come on,” he finally said. “Let’s do a video for the audio notes. We haven’t done one yet.”

Andrew pulled out his phone and they leaned in together before he hit record.

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“So, we’re on another road trip, this time to somewhere super fucking important,” Neil said.

“By the time you see this, you’ll know... we found the house. The one where Robin was held. It’s currently up for sale, so we’re thinking there’s no way Hailey’s there, but we can’t not check it out,” Andrew told the camera. “We’ll hopefully be able to share some pictures and video with you.”

“We don’t want to give too much away, but rest assured we feel incredibly close. We’ll update more soon.”

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

* * *

The appointment to look at the house was set for 6PM since they were driving in the same day (They could’ve come the night before, but they figured the less they were in the area, the better). They first met up with Ramsey at a cafe not far from the house before they headed over. 

“How’s the house?” Neil asked, taking the lid off his coffee to let it cool. 

“Empty,” Ramsey grunted. “‘Aven’t seen anyone there except the realtor lady.”

Andrew nodded. That was as he suspected. Now the issue was that they had no idea where he was keeping Hailey. 

~~_Or if he still even had her._ ~~

_ Shut up. _

“What’s the plan, then?”

“Mee’ up with the realtor. See the house.”

“That’s it?” Neil asked, moving his mask to take a small sip.

“Wha’ else would you like? A heist? Wan’ to break in and run around? It’s an empty house. You said you had to do this as by the book as possible to catch this nonce, yeah? So we walk in legally with the realtor, you get ya pictures or what have you, tha’s it.”

“Ah, Ramsey,” Neil said fondly. “Your sunny demeanor is just what we needed after such a long drive.”

Ramsey scowled before standing. “I’ll be in the van.”

Andrew looked to Neil and Neil winked at him, his smile visible in the corner of his eyes. “Did you send it to Renee?”

“Not yet.”

“You should, just in case.”

Andrew nodded. “I will. She’ll know what to do with it.”

Neil reached over and squeezed his arm. “You ready?”

Andrew nodded and they stood together, coffee in tow, and made their way to the van. 

Gone was the  **_Screw It!_ ** maintenance van and in its place (or maybe it was painted?) was a shiny black vehicle with dark tinted windows. Andrew hopped into the front seat and Neil climbed into the back. The drive was short, which was good, because Andrew fucking hated being in here, and bad because that meant they were early and had to sit in it with Ramsey until the realtor showed. 

It was quiet for a long while and Andrew stared determinedly out of his window. The less he had to look at the bastard, the better. 

Until said  _ bastard _ cleared his throat. 

“We don’t need to talk,” Andrew said before Ramsey could start.

“Reckon we do.”

Andrew glared at him then and was pleased to see he at least looked extremely uncomfortable.

“And why is that?”

Ramsey sighed and rubbed the stubble on his face. “Bets said so.”

_ ‘Bets’-  _

“Bets?! Are you fucking kidding me?” 

They were at the nickname stage apparently, and that just really made Andrew want to vomit.

“Better than Bee. Callin’ her a fuckin’ insect,” Ramsey mumbled. 

“I like bees,” Neil said from the back, and they both turned around to glare at him. He held up his hands. “My bad.”

“Have you even told her? Does she know what you do for a living? Bee deserves to be happy and she deserves a partner that’ll do that, but not if she’s in fucking danger because of it. I swear to god if anything ever happened to her I’d-”

Andrew had to stop and take a few deep breaths. He closed his eyes, unable to even bear the thought because - 

Because Bee was so intrinsically part of the fabric of Andrew Minyard... So important to the man he was able to become. Losing her, especially because of the asshole she was dating, was something he couldn’t even begin to fathom. 

“Look,” Ramsey sighed, “I know you love her like she’s your mum. She loves you like a son. And I know you wanna protect her, and I’m glad. But I’m done after this. Already told Stuart. She knows I do security work for the Hartfords, and tha’s all she needs to know. She’s not stupid... She knows Stuart isn’ just some quirky british businessman. But she also knows I’m leavin’ it behind.”

Andrew stared at him. That was the most he’d ever heard him speak. He didn’t look at Andrew while he said it and Andrew was glad for that. 

“So, you’re quitting the family to be with Bee?” He asked, deadpanned,  _ demanded,  _ really. Ramsey just nodded. Andrew scoffed, “You’ve known her for like .5 seconds. A little fast, don’t you think?”

Ramsey did look at him then. “Tell me, youngblood. How long did you and nephew back there know each other before you moved ‘im into your flat?”

Andrew narrowed his eyes. “That’s different.”

“Is it, really?”

“Realtor’s here,” Neil said from the backseat. They looked out the front window to see a shiny Mercedes pull up next to them. 

Ready to be done with this conversation, Andrew opened the door quickly and got out without another word. He slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, only moving when Neil stood next to him and whispered in his ear, ‘ _ Come on, Drew. Let’s do what we came here to do.’ _

Andrew searched his eyes before nodding. Neil kissed his temple and took his hand, leading him around the van to where Ramsey and the realtor were already talking.

“Oh, hello!” she said brightly. “I’m Tara, nice to meet you!” She held out a hand and neither of them shook it - Andrew because he never shook hands and Neil because he didn’t want to let go of Andrew.

_ Also, this is a fucking pandemic? _

She looked to Ramsey, but he offered no explanations, so she just cleared her throat and led them up the porch.

The house was... fucking creepy. Big and empty, it felt like the windows were staring at them as they approached. The door creaked when Tara opened it and they all followed her inside. 

_ Ramsey was right.  _ It  _ was _ just a big, empty house. Absolutely everything was stripped, from any and all furniture, to the curtains in the windows. Nothing was left and it forcibly reminded Andrew of the  **murder** house in Baltimore he and Renee had visited at the beginning of season one. 

The house where Neil had written  _ ‘don’t be bad’ _ in a closet. 

“How long has it been empty?” Andrew heard himself ask.

“Oh, about a month now, I believe. But it’s very well taken care of! The kitchen has all new appliances and -”

“We’re going to look at the basement,” Andrew interrupted. He didn’t want to stick around - didn’t want to remind himself even more of how Baltimore and Newark were falling into parallel in his mind. So, “We’ll meet you back up here.” He tugged Neil by the hand and ignored the realtor’s protests and Ramsey’s grumblings about wanting to see the master bedroom. Andrew led them to the kitchen where he knew there was a door that led down to the basement. 

He stopped when they stood in front of it. 

“You ready?” Neil whispered. 

_ Am I? _

Grinding his teeth together, he gave himself half a second to decide, before he cracked his pinky and nodded. With a squeeze of Neil’s hand, Andrew turned the knob slowly and opened it to a dark stairway. He had to blink several times to clear the memory of clinical, white lights and the smell of something  _ off _ , in favor of the scent of lemon cleaner and fresh paint. He felt along the wall until his fingers bumped against a switch. He flipped it and the stairs were illuminated by a single warm bulb above them. 

They began their descent, walking down slowly. When they got to the bottom, Neil flipped the switches on a panel beside the stairs and revealed to them was the nicest basement Andrew had ever seen. 

He didn’t know what he was expecting, to be honest. Renee had told him what it was like. That it was comfortable and  _ that _ was part of his scheme - making  _ them _ feel like they were in a home to gain their trust. 

There were laminate, light wooden floors throughout, with a large open living space and a small kitchenette off to the side. There was nothing here either. It was completely empty and yet something about being in this space made Andrew’s skin crawl. 

“Is this what it felt like in the Baltimore house?” Neil asked quietly and Andrew pressed his lips together. They’d talked about him going there maybe twice, preferring not to dwell on it. Neil had felt betrayed by Andrew and Andrew felt more guilt about it than he thought possible, but it was unavoidable here. Neil plucked the thoughts right from his head. 

“Yes,” Andrew answered. “This is what it felt like... Like there were ghosts in the walls.”

Neil took his hand again and they walked around together. Eventually, Andrew pulled out his phone and started to record. 

**[ RECORD ON ]**

“So, we’re here. We’re at the house where Steven kept the girls. Where he kept Robin. It’s empty right now,” he flipped the camera around. “This is the basement. You can imagine how cosy it’d be with furniture in it. But don’t forget, that was part of his plan. He wanted to make these girls feel comfortable with him.” He walked towards what he wassumed was the one bedroom. Pushing the door open slowly, he turned on the light. It was empty again, but the walls were still painted a faded pink. There were spots on the paint where it looked like flower stickers once were. 

Andrew swallowed hard. 

“This...” he cleared his throat. “This would be the room where the girls stayed... Robin said it was nice, with tons of toys.” He moved to the next door, which was a small bathroom with a tub. “She said she took care of herself for the most part, since sometimes he was gone for long periods of time. Gave herself baths, made her own food. She was just five years old...” 

Andrew backed out of the bathroom and turned the camera back to the main area where Neil was standing with his arms crossed. He let the camera linger on him for a moment - a spot of light Andrew let himself indulge in to fight the darkness this place was trying to smother him with. 

He stood next to Neil so that they were both in the frame. 

“We feel so close right now,” Neil murmured. “We’re going to get him. We’re going to get justice for these girls and we’re  _ going _ to find Hailey. We have more to do, but we’ll keep you posted.”

**[ RECORD OFF ]**

Andrew stopped recording and started taking pictures instead. Neil followed slowly behind him and eventually, he mumbled, “What’s it about evil men and basements, anyway?” Andrew knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but there was something behind his voice... A small tremor he could just make out. Snapping one last picture of the bedroom, he turned around. Neil had pulled his mask down and was smiling from the corner of his mouth, but it was shaky. 

Andrew pocketed his phone and pulled Neil close to him. “Come here,” he said quietly. Neil came and rested his forehead on Andrew’s shoulder, breathing deeply. Andrew wrapped one hand around the back of his neck and with the other, ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re good, Neil. You’re here with me. We’re going to get out of here now, okay...?”

Neil nodded into his shoulder, but didn’t move. 

So Andrew held him for as long as it took for his breathing to soften. As long as it took for him to move and stand up straight, looking down at his shoes instead of at him. “Hey, look at me,” Andrew murmured, slipping his hand to his cheek. Neil did, but it was slow. “What do you need, Abram?”

Neil closed his eyes and just like that, let out a harsh breath at the sound of his middle name. His shoulders relaxed and he nodded. “I’m good. Come on, let’s go find Ramsey.”

* * *

They sat outside at a restaurant somewhere in the city, waiting for food. The people next to them had a dog and Neil made funny faces at it because it was the best baby, when Andrew elbowed him. 

“You’re gonna get that dog all fucking excited.”

“I know, right? Look at him.  _ You’re such a good puppy.. _ .” The dog lifted it’s head and looked at Neil, and right when he was going to ask to pet it, the owners stood and left. Neil pouted, because he really could’ve used that right now. 

He felt... exhausted. The drive had been long and tiring, sure, but it was like that house sucked any remaining energy right out of him. Seeing the basement and just being in that space felt like being back  _ there _ . 

Felt like being in Nathan’s big house with all the windows, scuffed floors, small closets, and secrets below. 

_ I just want to go to bed. _

“What’ll it be then?” Ramsey asked, drawing him out of his thoughts. He’d joined them so they could debrief and they’d considered driving back home tonight, but there was no way. Andrew looked to him and Neil shook his head. 

“I can’t drive back tonight. I’m too fucking tired and I just want to sleep.” Andrew reached over and rubbed his thigh. 

“Then we’ll find somewhere to stay. Whatever the nearest hotel is.”

The masked waiter appeared with their food, and they quieted briefly as it was placed in front of them. They murmured their thanks, but no one made a move to eat. 

“Are you staying?” Neil asked Ramsey. He nodded.

“Orders are to stay as long as you're ‘ere, so I suppose I am.”

Neil nodded, slumping slightly in his seat. Then, his phone suddenly rang and he pulled it out of his pocket, sighing. As soon as he saw the blocked number however, he sat up straight and looked around. Only once he was confident they were secluded since the other people left, he answered and out it on speaker.

“Hello?”

_ ‘Mr. Hatford, I am calling on behalf of Lord Moriyama.’ _ Neil looked up at Ramsey just in time to see him roll his eyes. 

“What does the Lord want?” Neil asked, sarcasm creeping into his voice. He couldn’t help it. He was tired and annoyed.

_ ‘He would like to invite you to a meeting with Mr. Sato at the Moriyama offices to take place tomorrow morning at 10AM. Will you accept?’ _

Neil wanted to say  _ ‘of course I fucking accept’ _ , but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “Please hold while I check my calendar.” He muted the phone and looked up at the other two. Andrew furrowed his brow.

“Why the fuck are you looking at us? Yes, we’ll fucking accept.”

Neil looked to Ramsey who shrugged and leaned back. “Reckon Stuart’ll have my head if I don’ play bodyguard.”

Neil unmuted the phone. “Let the Lord know Mr. Minyard and I will be there, along with personal security.” He hung up before the person on the other end could respond.

“Guess we would’ve been staying regardless,” Neil said.

Ramsey picked up his fork and knife and said, “Tell me about Sato.”

So, they did. They spent dinner filling him in on everything they knew, including how Ichirou suspected he was deceiving him.

In the end, they decided to just head to Allison’s. It wasn’t too far a drive and it felt like home at this point. They’d be closer for the meeting this way anyway and they’d be out of Newark, which was a plus. Neil offered to let Ramsey stay as well, to Andrew’s absolute disgust, but he gave them a sour look anyway and declined. Neil had no idea where he’d end up, but he didn’t imagine needing to worry about it. 

They went their separate ways in the parking lot and Andrew slid into the drivers side of the GS, which Neil was grateful for. He just felt... heavy. 

The drive to Allison’s was quiet for the both of them. Neither made a move to turn on the radio and neither spoke. Neil rested his head against the window and watched the lights race by. Once they got into the city, he directed his attention to people-watching as driving came to a crawl. 

They parked in the underground lot, grabbed their bags, and trudged their way up to the apartment, entering memorized security codes as they went. Neil had texted Alison on their way in and she just sent him an eye roll emoji in response and said she was serious about them buying it. 

After washing their hands, they made a beeline straight for the bedroom they always said in and stripped down before sliding under the blankets. They laid together for a while, watching each other in the silvery moonlight peeking through the curtained windows. 

“I feel like we should have sex,” Neil said quietly. “Considering…”

“Do you  _ want _ to have sex?” Andrew asked, brow raised.

Neil thought about it. He  _ could _ , he supposed. He always could with Andrew. But…

He sighed. “Not really.”

“Me neither.”

“Okay.”

Neil reached to push Andrew’s hair off of his face. Andrew grabbed his wrist and placed a kiss there before letting it go. 

“Thanks for earlier. In the house,” he clarified with a whisper. “I don’t know what my problem was... I mean, I guess I know. I just didn’t expect it to fuck with me like it did.” He could still feel the way the tips of his fingers tingled, that anxiety threatening to crawl up his arms and take hold.  _ But Andrew had known. _ Neil tried so hard not to let it get to him, but Andrew could always tell - always knew when  _ Abram _ was the thing that would bring him back.

“Don’t thank me for that. I’ll always do that for you. How many nights have you had to deal with my nightmares? With my trauma? How long did I put you through hell at the beginning of this investigation?” Andrew shook his head into his pillow. “It’s just how we work.”

Neil smiled because he was right. It was just how they worked. A partnership. “Thanks anyway.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and pulled Neil closer to him. Neil came, head on Andrew’s chest and face buried in his neck. Andrew scratched his back lightly, and he shivered.

Sleep was about to consume him when he heard Andrew whisper, “We’re going to get him.”

Neil kissed his neck. “Yes.”

* * *

They arrived at the same Moriyama office they’d been to when Neil had met with Ichirou for the first time. 

Or. Well. When Neil had met with Ichirou on  _ their _ terms for the first time. 

Rather than head up to the higher floors, however, they were led down to a lower level of the building that Andrew was sure was underground.

“See,” Neil whisper-hissed. “Evil men and basements!”

Andrew snorted. He wasn’t wrong. But now he was wondering what kind of meeting, exactly, they were heading into. He almost wished Neil had his gun, even though they would’ve never let him in the building with it. They’d all been shaken down before entering and Andrew’s knives were currently being held with a very annoyed looking woman at the front of the building.

When the elevator doors opened, he heard Ramsey let out a low  _ ‘Christ’ _ . He had to agree. It was a cement room, dimly lit, and very butcher-esque in aesthetic. There were a number of chairs sitting in a semicircle, and one in front of them which held who Andrew assumed was Sato.

This wasn’t a meeting at all. It was a fucking interrogation. 

Ichirou caught sight of them and broke away from talking to a man who was built like a goddamn tank and fitting a pair of brass knuckles onto his hands. He muttered something to Ichirou before he was out of earshot that sounded distinctly Russian.

Neil nodded. “Lord Moriyama.”

“Hatford.” He didn’t acknowledge Andrew or Ramsey. “Come, let’s get started.”

Andrew and Neil shared a look, then strode forward side by side, Ramsey at their backs. 

“Sit, if you’d like,” Ichirou said, lowering himself gracefully into a cushioned seat and crossing his legs, pulling his long ponytail over his shoulder to the front. He wore a black mask to match the black button-up shirt and tailored pants he wore. The sleeves were rolled up to expose tanned forearms and what Andrew thought might be a tattoo. 

Andrew fucking hated that piece of shit, but his ponytail game was on point.

Neil sat next to Ichirou, and Andrew stood to his side in the space between chairs where they were all distanced. Everyone in the room wore the same black mask as Ichirou, except for Sato. 

“Mr. Sato has been tested for COVID numerous times before today, so don’t be concerned if certain... fluids become airborne.” 

_ Oh, yeah, okay. So torture it would be. _

“Mr. Sato, can you hear me?” Ichirou called loudly. Sato lifted his head from where it’d been hanging. He was handcuffed to the chair by his hands and feet and it looked like someone had already taken the liberty of throwing a few punches.

“Yes,” he responded, voice raspy.

“Excellent. Now, care to explain why you ran when you got word I wanted to meet with you? You must understand how that looks, Mr. Sato.”

Sato didn’t respond. Ichirou lifted his chin and Mr. Tank-man punched Sato in the face - not the jaw, which was smart. Andrew watched Sato’s head snap to the side and he spit a long line of blood before looking back up at Ichirou. Andrew glanced at Neil, but he never even flinched. He was perfectly stone-faced, looking to all the world like he was watching a mildly interesting movie.

“Do I need to ask again?”

Sato spit one more time before answering. “You are not your father,” he said.

“No,” Ichirou agreed. “I’m not. I’ve known you since I was at my father’s elbow learning the ins and outs of the family legacy. I sat with you when I could barely see over my father’s conference room table. This is the loyalty I get?”

Sato’s face twisted into an angry scowl. “Kengo was a great man. He knew to keep the traditions of this organization alive. We all had the highest hopes for you, Ichirou. We thought you would continue. But you came in, wiped the board clean and changed everything.”

Ichirou nodded. “I did. I made it better. We’re more profitable than we’ve ever been without some of the more unsavory aspects of our business.” Ichirou leaned forward. “I kept you out of loyalty to my father. I see now that was a mistake. It was you that advised me to put a stop to Minyard’s article in the Times. You were protecting this man.” Sato spit again in Ichirou’s direction, and he was rewarded with another blow to the head.

“Mr. Hatford, you may ask Sato any questions you may have. Feel free to procure the answers however you see fit.” 

He meant torture. But again, Neil didn’t bat an eye. He merely crossed his legs and got comfortable. “Andrew will handle the questions on my behalf.” And with that, Neil took his hand and kissed the back of his fingers, right there in front of everyone. 

It was a statement.  _ We’re in this together. _

Andrew squeezed Neil’s hand before walking towards Sato, who looked at him through swollen eyes. 

“What do you know about Phillip Hull?”

“Nothing.”

Andrew hummed. “I doubt that. What do you know about Phillip Hull?”

Sato spit again, and it landed on Andrew’s boots. Tank stepped forward without Andrew asking and proceeded to break one of Sato’s fingers. The scream was loud and long through clenched teeth.

And Andrew did not care. 

“What do you know about Phillip Hull?”

“He’s a realtor!” Sato finally spat. “He sold Kengo property off the books at a discounted rate in return for protection.”

“Protection from what?”

“That’s all I’m telling you,” Sato seethed, swollen top lip curling. “You think you can come in here and tarnish everything Kengo built?”

Anger rose in Andrew, fierce and hot. “What Kengo built is an empire that kept child slaves and protected a man who raped and killed little girls. That’s the legacy you want to keep intact?”

Sato sneered. “What do I care about who a man decides he wants to fuck? I heard a man fucked you when you were too little to fight back. Is that why you’re crying about it now?”

Andrew’s hands went limp at his sides. He stared into Sato’s bruised and bloodied face.

And his vision went red.

He was 14 years old and in juvie, beating the shit out of an older kid who’d tried to touch him. 

He was 16 years old and watching the blood pool around Tilda’s body with deep satisfaction. 

He was 17, beating the life out of four men who dared to lay hands on Nicky. 

He was 26 and stabbing Lola in the stomach, feeling the warmth of her blood fall over his hands over and over and  _ over and _

A hand was on his arm and he blinked. One of his hands was in Sato’s hair, bending his head back at an unnatural angle and his other hand was raised in a fist. 

_ "Drew." _

He was 27 years old, and he had the love of a man he didn’t deserve and a life he never thought he’d be able to have. Neil stood behind him, one hand gentle on his arm. 

He lowered his fist and let go of Sato’s hair, watching him grit back a sigh of relief like he wouldn’t allow Andrew that satisfaction.

“Well this is disgustingly sweet,” Ichirou mumbled. He gestured with a hand and Tank came back, punching Sato in the stomach this time. Sato screamed and Andrew breathed in shakily through his nose.

“What is Phillip Hull’s real name?”

“Johnson,” Sato growled. “The name he was born with is Gary Michael Johnson.”

Andrew stared at him. Bruised and broken, bloody and desperately trying to keep hold of his dignity. He still wanted to hurt him more. 

But he turned. 

When he met Neil’s eyes, they spoke. They said,  _ I’m proud of you _ . They said,  _ I love you _ . They said,  _ let’s go home. _

He gave Andrew a tiny nod and turned. Andrew followed him and took his place beside him when Neil sat. 

“That’s all the information we need. Will you kill him, now?” Neil asked, curiosity lacing his voice.

“Oh, yes,” Ichirou said. “You have to cull the weeds, you see. Otherwise the garden will become overgrown with them.” He sighed as he watched Sato gasp into his lap. “It really is a shame. He’s an excellent attorney.”

“A waste,” Neil agreed, and Andrew thought he was being sarcastic.

“Indeed. You’re welcome to stay, but it’ll be quick. I never quite had the stomach for drawn out torture like my father did.” He looked at Neil, something alarmingly close to a smile in his eyes. “Or your father for that matter. They’d spend hours on one person, the two of them.” 

Neil’s mask broke for a fleeting second. He schooled it back into place, far too quickly for Ichirou to notice, but Andrew saw it. “We may be monsters, Ichirou, but at least we’re not them.”

Ichirou nodded. “There is that, isn’t there? Will you be staying, then?”

“No.” Neil stood and Andrew wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close. He didn’t know which one of them he was holding up. “We need to look into this information immediately. Thank you for allowing us to meet with Sato.”

“Safe travels then, Hatford.”

They turned together, a silent Ramsey at their back, and just as they left the room, Ichirou said, “Alright then. Uncuff him please, Mika.” And then, “You won’t be needing these for much longer. But since you love tradition, yubitsu-”

The door closed before they could hear the rest. 

* * *

Slowly, they made their way back to Reynolds's place. Andrew felt better once his knives were back in place, but he was still shaky with rage. 

Ramsey lingered long enough to tell them they did a good job, and then he was gone. They were meant to leave today - meant to be packing up their shit and heading back to South Carolina. Instead, they sat on the roof, in  _ their _ seat, trying to center themselves. 

Neil had his head on Andrew’s shoulder, silently looking out over what they could see in the city. 

It took a long time before Andrew finally asked, “Why’d you stop me?” He’d been wondering since they left. 

“You would’ve killed him.”

“Yes.”

“It’s a rule.” Neil inhaled a slow breath and let it out even slower. “He was Ichirou’s to kill, not ours. To take it would’ve been declaring war.”

_ Things I haven’t been privy to, til now _ , he supposed.

“So, that’s it then? That’s the only reason you stopped me?”

Neil sat up and looked at him. “Andrew, you stopped yourself. I might have called to you, but you’re the one who lowered your fist. I’m not sad that Sato is probably already dead. He deserved it. But I think it says something that you were able to stop yourself from being the one to kill him.”

Andrew looked up at the sky. He didn’t know if the clouds were clouds or smog, but he watched them crawl across the sky as he chewed his lip ring because... Maybe. Maybe it did mean something. He wasn’t that 14 year old anymore. That 16 year old. He was a grown man now, and though he didn’t regret anything he’d done, he could recognize that there were other ways those situations could’ve been handled. But more than that, he was mentally stronger now. He was buoyed by a support system that had seen him through mental illness, anger, and toxic behavior. 

“Do you remember when you ran all the way here to get to me by midnight?” Neil asked, laying his head back on Andrew’s shoulder again.

Andrew couldn’t help a small laugh. “I thought it would fix things.”

“It didn’t, though.”

_ No, it didn’t. _ They’d broken up a not long after. Andrew didn’t respond. He hated thinking about it.

“But in that moment,” Neil continued in a whisper, “it felt like we were invincible. Untouchable, you know? Like we would always find our way back to each other, no matter what happened. And we have. We always find our way back.”

Andrew realized then, what Neil meant. He’d found his way back, when Neil had called his name - found his way out of his mind, the anger, the trauma. He’d kicked his way to the surface and Neil’s gentle hand on his arm was the breath of oxygen he’d needed to stay afloat.

He kissed Neil on top of the head. 

“And we always will.”

* * *

They were on their way back home an hour later. There was work to do and Andrew wanted to be in his own space to do it. 

He also wanted to get the fuck out of New York. 

Neil called Robin while Andrew drove so the bluetooth in the car picked it up. 

_ ‘How’d it go?’ _

“Fine,” Neil said. “We were able to look at the house and get some pictures.”

_ ‘Was it empty?’ _

“Completely,” Andrew responded. “Not a shred of furniture.”

Robin sighed into the phone _. ‘There’s no telling where he’s got her.’ _

“Listen, Robin. I have these pictures of the house that we thought we’d post on the website with an update, but we won’t if you don’t want us to. I made that mistake with Neil and I won’t do it with you.”

Neil reached over to squeeze his leg. It was nice to know even now Andrew was so aware of how hurtful that’d been for Neil. He was always trying to do better.

_ ‘No, it’s fine. I don’t want to see them, but I don’t mind if you post to the website. I’ll just stay off of it. I have no time to look with classes right now anyway.’ _

“Okay. It won’t be until our Sunday update, so let us know if you change your mind.”

_ ‘Okay... and thanks. For doing all of this. I know we’re so close and I just... thanks.’ _

Andrew squeezed the steering wheel briefly. “You’re welcome.”

“You do good things,” Neil sighed when they’d hung up with her. 

“Not always.”

“Well, that would be so boring, wouldn’t it?” 

Andrew shrugged. “I don’t know. Might be nice to settle down. Live a quiet life. Wear socks up to my knees with flip flops while I mow the lawn.”

“Sounds hot.”

Andrew snorted and relaxed a little more into his seat. Neil thought he was still a bit shaken from what’d happened earlier - from what Sato said to him. Neil was, too. He thought he’d get away with not talking about it, but that’s not how Andrew worked. 

“You know what he said is bullshit, right?” Neil looked over to see Andrew checking his mirrors as he switched lanes. His hair was back in that bun on top of his head and Neil admired his jawline for a moment before answering. 

“Which part? Because I’m pretty sure he was right about our fathers.”

“He was implying that you’re the same. You called yourself a monster. That’s bullshit, Neil.”

“Is it?”

Neil’s heart lept into his fucking throat and he grabbed the handle of the door when Andrew cut across traffic, cars blaring their horns, to pull over to the side of the road.

Neil looked at him from the corner of his seat, wide-eyed. “What the  _ fuck _ , Andrew?!”

But Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Neil’s shirt and pulled him close. “Don’t you ever,  _ ever _ compare yourself to him like that. He tried to kill us. He sent Lola to murder us, Neil. I don’t care what your fathers had in common. I don’t care that you’re the Hatford family prince. You are  _ not _ a fucking monster. Understand?”

Neil’s heart was beating wildly in his chest, but it had nothing to do with Andrew nearly killing them just to get his point across.

“Yes,” he whispered. Andrew let his eyes dip to Neil’s mouth before letting his honey gaze meet Neil’s blue one.

“Good,” he said, before closing the distance and kissing Neil, slow and deep.

Neil had a hand wrapped in Andrew’s hair that he’d managed to pull down from its bun before a honking car jolted them back to the present. Andrew pulled back, brushing a thumb over Neil’s bottom lip once before placing one last peck on his mouth. 

“Let’s get home.”

* * *

They got home late, but didn’t waste any time. Andrew was up in the office with King on his lap almost immediately. It meant he’d dumped their bags at the door, but he didn’t care. 

He opened his laptop and googled Gary Johnson. A million hits popped up because of course it did.  _ Gary Johnson? You mean Average McNormalguy?  _

“Can we at least do this in bed?” Neil whined, trudging in after him. “Come on, I’ll get my laptop and we can search together from our very comfortable bed with the fluffy blanket and the pillows and the cats.”

Andrew rolled his eyes even though that sounded like a fantastic fucking plan. He brought his laptop with him and changed into comfortable clothes he hadn’t been driving in all day, before settling himself on the bed next to Neil. 

“Okay, so googling the name is probably a bust,” Neil said, typing on his laptop and chewing on his lip.

“Yeah, who would even start with that.” He closed google.

“We need to figure out something specific.”

“Well, obviously houses. We’ll check to see if there are any houses under that name in Newark or the surrounding areas.”

Neil sighed. “That’s going to take forever with a name like Gary Johnson. How are we going to know it’s him?”

Andrew shrugged. “I don’t know, Neil. Maybe we won’t. But it’s worked for us before so let’s just try it.”

So, they did. They spent the entire night looking at properties owned by Gary Johnson. It was... a lot. 

Andrew saved every single one. 

Honestly, he didn’t even really know what he was looking for, but he wouldn’t stop until they found it.

It was 4AM when Andrew looked over to find Neil passed out, his laptop balanced on his stomach, one hand still on the keys. Andrew sighed and rubbed his eyes. Neil woke with a start when Andrew moved the laptop.

“Hey no, what? I’m awake.” He tried to sit up, but Andrew put a hand on his chest. 

“It’s fine, Neil. Go to sleep. We’ll pick back up tomorrow.”

He didn’t argue. Laying back down, Neil turned on his side and Andrew laid down, too. 

But he didn’t sleep at all. 

Neil found him at the kitchen table sometime the next morning, downing his third cup of coffee. 

“Delaware,” he said, almost breathless.

Andrew raised a brow at him.  _ What does Delaware have to do with anything? _

“I just...” Neil closed his eyes, brows furrowed as if trying to remember, “I had this really weird dream and we were being chased by Lola and we were in Delaware and we kept saying why the fuck are we in Delaware this doesnt make any sense and then James was there and he was saying-”

“His mother lived in Delaware.” Andrew had written it off as just him trying to make excuses for why he was around when they needed him... Thought it was just him trying to stay close to them, but “What if it wasn’t a lie?” he mumbled to himself.

“Delaware. We have to check Delaware, too.”

Andrew stopped looking in New York and changed the location to Delaware. Neil joined him with his laptop soon after and they sat in the kitchen the entire day searching. 

They found more than one, of course, but they started with the ones that said  _ Gary Michael Johnson _ . There was one in particular that said it was owned by a  _ Gary Michael Johnson _ and a  _ Eunice S. Johnson _ . 

“Eunice is an old lady name, right?”

Neil shrugged, squinting at something on his computer. “Sounds like it. Also, a really great name for an ostrich, I think.”

Andrew looked at Neil with squinted eyes until Neil looked up at him. “What?”

He shook his head and typed the address into google maps, then pulled up the street view.

And laughed.

“Got you, motherfucker.”

Neil jumped out of his chair to come look and squeezed Andrew’s shoulder.

Because there in the driveway of the house owned by  _ Gary Michael Johnson _ and  _ Eunice S. Johnson _ in Dover, Delaware, sat James Hodges’ very shiny Escalade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEE ITS GETTIN FUN NOW!!!!
> 
> So, as it says above... there are two chapters left. Honestly it feels like ever since we took our small haitus, everything has just been go go go go go and I think we're really fucking happy with where this is going. We hope you like it too! Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!!!!! GET HYPE FOR THE NEXT UPDATE BECAUSE HO HO HO!  
> We love you all so, so, so much. Thank you for sticking with us and supporting us. We literally would not be here without yall! 
> 
> Don't forget to keep up with our socials!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)  
> Also! [heres](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/628560149317042177/audiovisual-notes-6-we-found-the-house-with)  
> the pictures of the basement and neil and andrew in it. 
> 
> See yall in two weeks!!!


	17. Audio Notes #7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Neil and Andrew are okay. We told them everyone's been sending in their concerns and well wishes and they wanted me to tell you thank you and they'll update you as soon as they're able. Things are still precarious right now and we can't give much detail as this is an open investigation. We appreciate everyone's understanding and patience with us. Thank you for supporting Andrew, Neil and the whole team. We'll keep you posted. - Renee_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Canon typical violence  
> Reference to past trauma  
> Mention of the Newark 9  
> Mention of abuse of the Newark 9  
> Guns and handling of them.  
> Andrew's PTSD
> 
> Spoiler trigger warnings continued in endnotes

Andrew pouted in the passenger seat, arms crossed, glaring out the window as Palmetto rushed by and faded away into swathes of green trees and green grass and a _stupid_ bright shining sun and _ugh._

Neil sighed. 

“Come on, Drew. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. You know I would never make you.”

Andrew just grumbled under his breath. He wasn’t really saying anything, but he was too far gone to stop being petulant. The fact of the matter was, he didn’t _want_ to do this, but he could see the logic behind it. There was now a gun in the house. _Their_ house. And he had access to it. If something ever happened, he should know how to handle it properly and responsibly.

_Still._

“It’ll help distract us, at least,” Neil offered and that part he agreed with. After putting in a call to _Detective_ Walsh, they were left by the phone for two days, just waiting for him to call them back. They needed to let him know what they’d found and Andrew needed _not_ to drive to fucking Dover and take Hailey out of that goddamn house before burning it to cinders. 

~~_If she’s even in there._ ~~

Which they didn’t even know if she was. It was just that Dover was a far too convenient place to hide her while Gary was selling the Newark house and pretending to be a decent human being. And while Andrew firmly believed that things that seemed to be convenient usually ended up being a dead-end, he also believed that Gary was a goddamned narcissist that brought up _Delaware_ for a fucking reason.

 _He’s been playing with us,_ and that’s no surprise. Which was probably why Dover felt so right. But the crux of this all was that no matter how much Andrew wanted to barrel in and get this over with, there was a protocol he had to follow here. He didn’t want to do anything that might fuck up the chances of Gary Johnson getting arrested and convicted. 

So now, Neil was driving him to a gun range to show him how to shoot his stupid gun. 

Neil turned down a road Andrew didn’t even see. It cut through trees and he lamented the shocks on the GS with the way they were bouncing. Eventually, they came to a stop in front of what looked like an entire compound. The main building was basically a double-wide trailer and Andrew looked over at Neil incredulously.

“What in the fucking Midsommar is this? Why are we in the woods? Are you going to kill me?”

Neil laughed, “Babe. Come on. You really think I’d take you to a gun range to kill you?” He leaned over and kissed Andrew’s cheek before murmuring, “Give me some credit. I’m way more creative than that.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes. “I’m texting Renee so she knows where to find the body.”

Neil snorted and got out of the car, popping the trunk to pull out the case with his gun in it.

Andrew begrudgingly followed Neil’s lead up a small dirt path towards a post-apocalyptic storefront ~~_or something like that_~~ ~~.~~ They were greeted by an older woman with her hands on her hips, deep smile lines, and tiny guns as earrings. She also had a pair of glasses on her head and a pair on her nose which? Why?

“Hey y’all!” she greeted them. “What can I do for you?”

Andrew let Neil handle all the details and questions, going through paperwork to make sure his firearm was registered and that he had a license and whatnot. Meanwhile, Andrew looked around the shop, glad he was wearing a mask because he could scowl and curl his lip as much as he wanted without earning glares from the probably-Trump-Supporting-Southern-Mama in charge. 

Once they seemed to be wrapping up, he leaned against the counter and pulled out his ID when asked, signed all the papers that stated they weren’t liable if he died (he sent Neil a look at that one), and followed Neil back out of the building to a covered area where the range was set up. There were about ten stalls stationed across about an acre of land so everyone would be spread apart. It didn’t matter though. They were the only ones there. 

Andrew took off his mask and watched Neil pull the gun out of its case. He handed Andrew a pair of goggles and noise-canceling headphones. 

“Why do I need to wear these? If I have to shoot someone I’m not going to be wearing them.”

Neil shrugged. “Range rules. Just do it. The sooner you do the sooner we can leave, right?”

Andrew huffed a bit but did as told, fitting the goggles over his own glasses uncomfortably. 

But then there was no avoiding it anymore. Neil took a deep breath and came to stand close to him, gun pointed toward the range, and his finger resting on the side. Never the trigger. 

“Okay, I know I’ve shown you this, but I’m going to go over it again just so it’s fresh.” Andrew nodded. Neil pointed to each part. “Rear sight, slide stop, barrel, front sight, muzzle, trigger, trigger guard, grip, grip safety, magazine release, magazine.” He made Andrew repeat them all, pointing to each part. Neil had to know he remembered everything, but _whatever makes him feel better._

“Always point it away and keep your finger off the trigger until you absolutely need to use it. Let’s figure out your dominant eye.”

“My- what?”

“Your dominant eye. There’s always an eye that has better coordination for targets.”

Andrew just rolled his eyes and let Neil walk him through everything. Turns out his right eye was incredibly coordinated. _Whatever that meant._

Once Neil finished his spiel, he handed the gun over to Andrew. It was a lot heavier than he thought it’d be and it felt... weird to be holding it. He looked up at Neil a little helplessly. 

Neil’s eyes softened at the look. “Is it okay if I’m behind you?” He asked. Andrew nodded. With anyone else? Absolutely not. With Neil? _Always_. 

Neil moved to help him position his hands, one on the grip and one on the bottom to steady it. Then he plastered himself to Andrew’s back, and he felt Neil laugh against the back of his neck when he shuddered. 

He leaned forward slightly, chest on Andrew’s back and lips close to his ear. “You want to make sure your collarbone is over your belt. Lean into the shot.” Andrew swallowed hard and nodded, moving his hands just so when Neil reached around and adjusted his grip a little. 

And really, this was absolutely not the fucking time.

But Andrew could feel him everywhere. They were lined up completely, Andrew’s back to his chest, hips tight together, thighs touching. Andrew was distracted enough to move his ass back into Neil’s hips, just a little. He was rewarded with a nip to his neck. “Keep that up and we’ll never get through this,” Neil murmured against his skin, squeezing Andrew’s hips and Andrew could only just hear it through the headphones, but he sucked his lip ring into his mouth anyway, biting down just a little to center himself. This was just... new and it was something he would’ve said no to a year ago, but found himself inhaling a shaky breath because he _liked_ the feeling. 

He didn’t really know what to do with that. 

Once Neil deemed Andrew was in the proper position, he stepped away. ~~_My back is cold._ ~~

“Line up your sight like I showed you,” Neil advised. “Be ready for the recoil. Remember to pull the trigger gently. Don’t move the gun when you do it or you’ll fuck up your shot.”

Andrew lined up the sight, aimed right in the center of the target, and with his heart beating wildly in his chest, he pulled the trigger. 

Then almost dropped the fucking gun. “Holy shit -” he panted. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit -”

“Andrew,” Neil said sternly. Andrew looked at him to find him eyeing the gun that was dangling from Andrew’s hand. 

Right. _Right._

He pointed it out toward the range, making sure his finger was off the trigger.

“What’d you think?” Neil asked. 

“It was... loud. And heavy.” 

Neil just nodded, _definitely not_ amused, and picked up a pair of binoculars. “You hit dirt.”

“What? I aimed perfectly, what the fuck?” Andrew snatched the binoculars and looked. “Mother fucker.”

Neil laughed and gestured to the target. “It takes practice. It’s why we’re here. Come on, try again.”

So he did. 

He did it over and over and if he fucked up his stance just to feel Neil behind him again? Well. That was fine, too. 

He’d reloaded the magazine a few times until he felt comfortable doing it quickly, and he was just starting to get into the feel of everything when Neil called a stop as Andrew finally began hitting the target paper. 

“But I’m close!” 

Neil shrugged. “We can come back. You’ve caught on super fucking fast. That fucking brain of yours.” He smirked, starting to clean up and pack things away. 

But, “You didn’t shoot.” 

Neil shrugged, not looking up. “We’re not here for me.”

 _Oh ho ho,_ “Oh no. You don’t get to be like ‘I’m a great shot’ and then not prove it.”

Neil looked up at him, a smile dancing in the corner of those wicked lips. He stepped closer to Andrew. Both of them had their goggles and headphones off, so Neil was able to lean in close as he tilted his head and said, “Yeah? Is this like the Ichirou thing? Are you going to pull me into a bathroom after this? Because I gotta tell you, after you pressing your ass against my dick, I’m not opposed.”

A small thrill shot through Andrew’s body and he leaned up the short distance between them to press a kiss to those lips before whispering, “The day I blow you at the gun range is the day I vote for Trump...” He then quickly turned Neil around and gave his ass a slap. “Perform for me!”

Neil laughed, stumbling back to the shooting block. “Fine, fine. But Just one shot.”

Andrew just rolled his eyes and gestured at him to continue. Neil wet his lips, then put his headphones and goggles back on before picking up the gun and loading it again. His arms rose in a fluid motion, biceps flexing, head tilted just so -

~~Andrew looked around for a bathroom.~~

And then he pulled the trigger. Andrew didn’t need the binoculars to see that it was a perfect bullseye. 

Neil turned to him, goofy smile on his face. “See. Told you.”

Andrew could feel his mouth hanging open. “That’s dead fucking center.”

“I’m a good shot.”

“Yeah, but like. What the fuck?”

Neil shrugged, unloading the gun and putting it away again. “Don’t fuck with me or people I love.”

“Yeah,” Andrew said, sure that the feeling bubbling in his chest was just the adrenaline still pumping from shooting. “Come on. I need to get you home.”

* * *

“I’m going to call him again.”

Andrew was a wreck. Walsh was very obviously ignoring them. 

“We’ve left three messages, Drew. I don’t think leaving another is going to make a difference.”

But Andrew wasn’t listening. He was too busy tugging on his hair and chewing through his lip while burning a path in the floor, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. 

“What the _fuck_ , you know!? Like... we say we have super important information on a possible location for Hailey, and he’s just not going to call us back? This is why people hate cops.”

Neil lifted his brows at him. Andrew huffed and rolled his head on his shoulders, “Okay, not the only reason.” He stopped packing and Neil saw the decision on Andrew’s face before he mumbled, “Fuck this,” and pulled out his phone. 

He watched as Andrew fiddled with something in settings before dialing the NYPD SVU for the umpteenth time. The same nasal voice answered. 

_‘NYPD how may I direct you?’_

“Detective Walsh, SVU,” Andrew answered. 

_‘Who, may I ask, is calling?’_

“This is deputy inspector Curtis Chisolm.”

Neil looked at him with wide eyes Curtis Chisolm was a higher up in the department, one Andrew and Neil knew was poised to be made of the entire SVU division. 

_‘Of course, Sir, one moment.’_ The phone beeped to indicate they were on hold and Neil just sighed. 

“Really?”

Andrew shrugged and gestured vaguely, “He won’t ignore us now.”

_‘Curtis, What can I do for you?’_

“Curtis?” Andrew asked innocently, but there was a fire in his eyes. “I’m sorry Detective Walsh, some lines must’ve crossed.”

Walsh sighed audibly into the phone. _‘Minyard. Why don’t I believe you?’_

“You’re a cop? You’re always suspicious? You have _excellent_ observational skills?” Sarcasm practically dripped from his tone, but then it hardened as Andrew sat on the couch beside Neil, their thighs touching. “Did you get my messages?” Neil leaned into him and Andrew wrapped an arm around his neck, bringing him in close. 

_‘Yes, I got your_ **_five_ ** _messages. Contrary to what you may think, I do have other cases to work on.’_

“Well lucky for you, this one is practically solved. You’d think you’d want to take a closer look because we’re not fucking around. We have this guy. We know who he is. We know where he lives. And we have the place he could potentially be keeping her.”

 _‘Fine. Talk._ ’

So, Andrew did. He told the bastard everything - how they’d suspected James, how they realized he was using a fake name, how they’d used the composite sketch from robin to confirm the plastic surgery.

_‘You realize this sounds insane?’_

“You realize we don’t give a fuck?” Neil said, completely out of fucks to give for this asshole. “We have _on tape_ the plastic surgeon who worked on James, confirming he did the work. We have multiple companies tied to him -”

 _‘The ones with the anagrams?’_ Walsh asked and his voice sounded so fucking condescending. 

“Yes,” Neil said through gritted teeth.

_‘Give me the address of where she supposedly is. I’ll send someone out next week.’_

“Next week? What the fu-”

_‘Don’t call me again. I’ll call you.’_

The phone disconnected. 

Andrew threw it on the coffee table in frustration. It skidded off and landed on the floor. He let go of Neil to lean back on the couch, pushing his glasses to the top of his head so he could cover his face with his hands and dig his fingers into his eyes. 

Sighing, Neil turned towards him and tugged on his wrists. Andrew dropped them and stared up at him with exhausted eyes. There were dark circles underneath them, the _honeyed_ hazel dull and angry. Neil pushed away his own anger for the moment to attempt to be the voice of reason. “We’re not going to panic.” But he wanted to. They didn’t have the time for that though. 

_And neither does Hailey._

“Come on,” Neil continued, grabbing Andrew’s notebook from the table and opened it, holding the purple pen over the page. Andrew loved lists. “What’s the first step?”

Andrew’s jaw worked, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he just exhaled a long breath. “Go to Delaware and get her ourselves, burn the house down, drive off into the sunset.”

Neil nodded and wrote, “...drive...off...into...the...sunset. Okay, just in case that plan doesn’t work out, what else?”

Andrew huffed. “I don’t know Neil. I really don’t know what to do here. I don’t think us being there would help anything. It’d probably make it worse. We’d get arrested for stalking or some shit.”

“Probably. We’re super sketchy. How about this? What if we see if Ramsey can go. He can stake out the house for us. Note who comes and goes, see if he spots Hailey, tell us when the cops actually show up.”

Andrew sighed and leaned his head back against the couch, looking up to the ceiling. “I hate that.”

“I know.”

“I hate him.”

“I know.”

“Fine. Call Stuart, see if he can spare his guard dog.”

* * *

He could, in fact, spare his guard dog. Stuart was apparently keen on having him there anyway - something about Andrew and Neil driving up there with their asses on fire and getting killed. 

~~_Yeah. Like we would do that._ ~~

Ramsey had left the next day, and with him out of the way and no threat of finding him half-naked in Bee’s kitchen, Andrew went to see her. He hadn’t since that day. They’d talked, yeah, but not face to face. 

Turning into her driveway and cutting the ignition, Andrew found himself just sitting and staring at the house. 

_Home_.

It looked the same as it did when he was sixteen... he remembered pulling up with Bee for the first time, clutching a backpack and angry at everyone - Aaron in the backseat, Nicky sniffling. 

Nicky hadn’t lived with them there, of course, but he was still feeling like a failure as a guardian at the time. Bee kept a room for him nonetheless, there for whenever he wanted to visit the twins. It still had his stuff in it, just like Andrew and Aaron’s still had theirs. 

He finally got out of the car, trudging his way up to the front door. The summer wreath was still up, and the blue paint was peeling. He’d need to repaint it for her soon. 

Fitting his key in the door, he opened it and was greeted again by the familiar scents of _home_ \- hot chocolate and homemade dinners, citrus, and cloves simmering on the stovetop and seasonal Yankee candles. Shutting it quietly behind him, he called out, “Bee?”

She came around the corner from the living room with a smile that warmed her entire face and Andrew’s entire chest. “Hi, honey.” She wrapped him up in a tight hug and Andrew closed his eyes, breathing her in. It was like a hit of serotonin. 

“Come on, I have hot chocolate ready.” He followed her into the dining room and sat a couple of seats down from her at the table, taking off his mask and wrapping his hands around the warm mug. 

“How are you? How’s work?” he asked, taking a sip and letting the drink warm him. It was so _familiar_. He didn’t know what Bee put in it and he’d never asked. Honestly, he didn’t want to know. It was like a little bit of magic that was just _Bee’s._

“I’m well. Work is work, you know. I’m actually thinking about moving into a purely teaching role. I do some training now, but apparently PSU is looking for people in the social work department. Thought it might be nice... a change.”

Andrew nodded, looking down into his mug. “Seems like there’s a lot of that going on.”

“Is there?”

He looked up at her but didn’t say anything. Her smile turned soft and she pressed her lips together as she stroked her thumb along the ceramic of her own mug. “I know it’s new, honey... But that doesn’t mean things have to change.”

“It will though. It’ll change, Bee. This is...” he took a quick, deep breath. He was already on edge with all the waiting they were having to do with Hailey, not to mention he hadn’t been sleeping well and because he wasn’t sleeping well, Neil was too busy worrying over him to sleep himself. Which made Andrew feel even worse. 

Acknowledging that, he tried again. “This is my home. The only real one I’ve ever had. It’s a safe space - _you’re_ a safe space, Bee. And I know I sound like a kid... I know I’m being selfish. I want you to be happy because fuck knows you deserve it. I’m just worried.”

Bee just watched him, eyes open and caring, loving and accepting of all the deepest, darkest parts of him. “That’s okay,” she said, nodding. “What are you worried about?”

And here it was. Slumping a bit further down in his seat, he carefully said, “His... career. I don’t know what he’s told you, but -”

Bee held up a hand and Andrew stopped talking, biting his lips together. “You know, when you came to stay here when you were in high school, you were still so closed off. I knew you, but there were bits and pieces I still didn’t _know_ .” She paused for a moment, making sure he was really listening. “What I _did_ know was that you smoked. You stole cigarettes when you could and bribed Nicky to buy them when you couldn’t. You made things hard for Aaron in school, because you loved him but didn’t know how to express it without resentment lacing the edges. You were gay, and you’d accepted it, but you weren’t ready to tell anyone until you were almost done with high school. You were angry...” Bee looked out the window next to the table. A dogwood at the edge of her fence bent gently in the breeze. Her voice lowered, shaking her head slightly, “So angry. But beneath all that, you were _hurt_ and you were _sad_ and you were _scared_.” She sighed and looked back to him. “But you were perfect, Andrew.”

He felt his teeth dig deeper into the flesh of his lips as he looked back down into his mug, willing himself not to cry. “Why are you telling me this?” he asked hoarsely. 

“Because if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s stupid. I know what Neil’s Uncle does and I can assume the rest. I know that Neil has ties that could be dangerous, and I know that you want me to be safe. But Andrew,” she reached over the space between them to put her hand on his. “I can take care of myself... And I trust him to be honest with me. I trust _you_ to take care of yourself and make good decisions. I need you to trust me, too.”

Andrew had to grudgingly admit to himself that she had a point. If she understood the gravity of Stuart Hatford in this situation and that Andrew was now mixed up in a crime family and _still_ approved of Neil...

_Because she trusts me to make the right decisions for myself._

He sighed and turned his hand up, wrapping his fingers around hers. “I just want you to be okay. If anything ever happened, I’d -” He couldn’t even fathom... Cutting himself off, he tugged at his hair. 

“I know, honey. Because I’d be the same way if anything happened to you. You and Aaron and Nicky... You know, I never wanted kids. I liked them well enough, but they just weren't part of my life plan. My mother swore till the day she died I’d change my mind, but I didn’t.” When she looked at Andrew, her eyes were watery and her fingers tightened around his. “I didn’t plan on you three, and I know you’re not mine and I know you weren’t really children when you came here. But you made your mark on me, Andrew Joseph. You are _mine_ , and there’s nothing that can change it. I love you like a son. All of you.”

Andrew sniffed, “Jesus christ, Bee.”

She laughed and it came out a half sob as she took her hand away and waved it, “I know, I know. Let an old lady have her moments.”

Andrew shook his head and rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses, trying desperately to damper _it_ all down. “You know,” he eventually said, “Neil refers to you as ‘Ma’ when he’s talking to other people. He says, ‘Andrew’s Ma’.”

She laughed again. “How do you feel about that?”

_~~Happy.~~ _

Instead, he said, “It makes the most sense... I don’t mention you by name on the website ever. I’ve never mentioned you or Aaron, or even that I have a twin. But when I’m answering an ask and the answer involves you, I hate saying ‘my guardian’. Because you’re not anymore, but you’re more than that... You know?”

“I know. I just call you all my boys. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

Andrew fidgeted, turning his mug a few times and battling with _something_ in his mind before finally murmuring, “You can call me your son if you want.” He chanced a glance up at her. She wiped a tear away quickly like she didn’t want him to see. 

“Thank you.”

 _That’s enough. No more feelings. You’ve filled your quota for the day._ He took a deep breath and sat up straight in his chair. Sensing a subject change was in order, Bee asked, “So, tell me about the case. Rufus said he’s helping you with it?”

Andrew blinked at her. “Who?”

“Rufus,” she said, taking a small sip. When Andrew didn’t answer she said, “Ramsey?”

Andrew’s brow furrowed. “Wha - oh my god. Ramsey’s real name is _Rufus_?!”

“It’s his first name. You didn’t think Ramsey was his first name, did you?”

“Yes? Because that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to assume? _Rufus_ ,” he scoffed, “oh my god that’s the worst name. That’s a dog’s name, Bee. That’s what people name their dogs.”

Bee tried to bite down the smile in the corner of her mouth. “You be nice. Don’t tease him.”

Andrew pressed his lips together. 

“You’re going to tease him aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Andrew answered solemnly. “A lot.”

Bee rolled her eyes.

Chuckling into his cup, he swallowed it down and finally answered, “But yeah, he’s helping us out. He’s actually helped us a lot with his case.” Bee raised her brows at him and he rolled his eyes. “Yes, Bee, I can admit he has his uses. He’s... smart. There. Happy?”

“Immensely.”

They chatted for a bit longer, about Bella and Dylan and Mila, the little girl Erik and Nicky were currently fostering. Bee joked she’d need a bigger house next time everyone was in town. 

Andrew hoped she didn’t mean that. 

When he finally got up to leave, she walked him to the door and wrapped him in another hug. “I’ll always be here, okay? Even if there’s a man in my life... I’m still me.”

Andrew hugged her back. “Thanks, Ma.”

* * *

Ramsey called Neil’s phone with a report a couple of days later. Andrew was the one to answer. 

“Rufus, so nice to hear from you.”

Neil snorted. Andrew had told him about the conversation he’d had with Bee after coming back looking vulnerable. Neil didn’t know why, but he didn’t know how to explain how he _knew_. The moment Andrew walked through the door, Neil could see it written all over his face that it had to have been an emotional conversation. So, he did the only thing he could and wrapped him in a blanket, sat him in front of the TV to Invader Zim, and shoved a pint of double chocolate fudge brownie ice cream in his hands.

He was very snuggly that night.

Ramsey sighed his usual put upon sigh. _‘Talked to Bets, then?’_

“Yeah, talked to _Bets_. How are things in Dover?”

They hadn’t heard anything until now and Neil would’ve normally said no news was good news, but that wasn’t really the case here. No news meant no one had been by the house to check if Hailey was there.

_‘Quiet. No one here but the old lady that lives in the house.’_

Gary Johnson’s mother, Eunice, lived in the Pennwood neighborhood of Delaware - an established area with nice homes and families to fill them. The house itself looked fine enough, from what they could garner from the google maps street view. It was in a wooded area so there wasn’t much they could glean, but the details they could get was that it was a 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom house built in the ’60s. Not much help. 

“No sign of Gary?”

_‘No sign of anyone. No cops, tha’s for sure. Jus' the lady comin' and goin'. If I was a bettin' man I’d wager your Detective Walsh isn’ sendin' anyone.’_

“Fuck.” Andrew stood and moved to stare out the window.

 _‘I’ll stay put,’_ Ramsey said. _‘But I’d light another fire somewhere if I were you.’_

“Thanks, Ramsey,” Neil sighed, then hung up. He joined Andrew at the window, looking out into their backyard. They were in the office upstairs, Andrew writing while Neil had been studying for an exam. 

“How much longer do we give him?” Neil asked, dragging his eyes from the window to Andrew rubbing his bottom lip with his thumb, over and over. 

“A few days.”

“And then?”

“And then we light another fire.”

* * *

The days passed extraordinarily slow. 

It was fucking torture. 

They’d come to a standstill, having done all the research they could possibly do and left to just wait to hear back. Ramsey reported regularly, but there was nothing really _to_ report. 

No sign of Gary. 

No sign of Hailey. 

And definitely no sign of cops. 

They tried to keep busy, but it was getting harder and harder as the hours dragged by. 

To try and pass the time, Andrew began to write. He’d told Nicky over a year ago that he didn’t want to write a book - that he didn’t have a story to tell. 

He thought maybe he had one now. 

But he hadn’t told Neil yet. He wanted to wait until all of this was over because even though he knew Neil would support his idea, it just felt like the sort of thing that should wait. 

Neil didn’t ask what he was working on either, perhaps sensing that Andrew wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet. Andrew was glad. 

They also spent time on the website, answering asks. They wanted to keep people engaged with the content, even when it was quiet. One night they got one asking Neil what he liked about himself. 

Andrew looked up, his _idiot_ senses tingling. Neil was in one of the big chairs, sitting sideways with his feet over the arm. He was staring at his phone with his brow furrowed, idly petting Sir where she was nodding off in his lap, eyes half-closed. 

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

Neil looked up at him, face smoothing.

“Someone sent an ask asking what I like about myself.”

Andrew stared at him for a few seconds. “...and?”

Neil shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s a weird question. How do I answer that?”

Andrew swiveled in the chair to face him. “With something you like about yourself?”

Neil shook his head. “No, I mean like…” he gestured at the phone. “I think they mean something physical. It says you like my eyes so what do I like about myself?” He looked up to Andrew again, as if expecting him to understand.

Andrew sighed. “I _do_ like your eyes.” Neil just rolled those gorgeous icy blues, but the smirk betrayed him. “Why is this hard? Pick literally anything.”

Neil’s face grew just a touch darker, and it took a moment to realize he was blushing. He looked back down at his phone, trying to hide it and something warm and sticky dripped into Andrew’s center like molasses. Standing up, he went to his knees in front of Neil’s chair. “Hey. Look at me.” When Neil did, it was only with a lift of his eyes. “Do you mean to tell me that you can’t think of one single thing you like about your physical appearance...?”

Neil shook his head, “I don’t know. I just... I look a lot like him, you know? It feels like anything I say, I’m saying about him. I hate that.”

Andrew ran his eyes over Neil’s face. He’d known Neil felt that way, of course. They’d been together over a year and in that time, they’d gotten to know each other’s weaknesses and fatal flaws. He just thought maybe Neil didn’t really feel that way anymore, since they were so far removed from it now... That maybe since Andrew told him repeatedly how beautiful he was, that things might’ve begun to change. Since Neil had gotten bolder and more comfortable sexually. 

He watched as Neil typed something and then took the phone from him once he was done. “Really? Your amazing taste in music? Nice deflection.”

“It’s true though.” 

Andrew snorted and pulled Neil up by the hand. He led him into the bedroom and in front of their full-length mirror. 

_This just won’t do._

“Look,” he said, and Neil did - just like the night Andrew told him to look and see the darkness. He stood behind Neil and was just tall enough to rest his chin on his shoulder. “You mean to tell me that you look at this face, this body,” he ran a hand down Neil’s chest and stomach, stopping at the waistband of his pants, “and you can't tell me one thing you like?”

Neil cocked his head to the side and bit his lip. Andrew reached up automatically and pulled his lip from between his teeth with his thumb. “This mouth,” he murmured, kissing Neil on the neck. “I love what you do with this mouth...”

“You mean being a dick to Ichirou?”

“Naturally.”

Neil laughed and Andrew turned him so they faced each other. He took Neil’s face in both his hands. “These cheekbones.” He ran a finger down Neil’s nose. “This nose, with that fucking piercing.” He let his fingers skirt to the side, brushing over Neil’s scars beneath his left eye. “These scars...” He kissed them before meeting Neil’s eyes. “Eyes. Always those blue fucking eyes. I was writing poems about them when I was an angry, scared little punk.”

“Wish I could read them.”

Andrew smiled a little. “I have a great memory you know. Just... believe me when I say you’re beautiful. Seriously. I fucking hate that Nathan still has this over you. I don’t _care_ if you’re his identical fucking twin, Neil. It doesn’t matter. You know how you say Aaron and I look nothing alike?”

“Yeah. Because you don’t.”

“You’re the only one in existence that thinks that. But it’s because you know me in a way they don’t. You see things they don’t. I see those things, Neil. You may think you look like him, but you look _nothing fucking like him.”_

“Yeah?” Neil asked, tugging on a piece of Andrew’s hair.

“Yeah. And I never lie.”

Neil’s smile was slow, but it grew wide and bright. “How do I know that?”

“Because I just told you, idiot.”

* * *

A few days later when Ramsey still had nothing to report and was hinting heavily that maybe he should come back to Palmetto (which Neil was sure due to one Bee shaped reason, but he wasn’t about to suggest that to Andrew), they decided they were done waiting on Walsh to do anything. 

“We call Dover PD,” Neil finally suggested as noon approached and they were finishing their third cup of coffee for the morning. “Give them an anonymous tip that Hailey is being held at that house. We go around the FBI altogether.”

Andrew rubbed at his chin, both legs up in the kitchen chair he sat in. “I wonder if they’ll have to contact them first.”

“If they do, they do. But at least we have another agency that has this info.” 

_~~Another agency that will do nothing with it.~~ _ _We have to try anyway._

Andrew dropped his feet to the floor and set his elbows on the table. He put his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. After only a few seconds, Neil heard him inhale a quick, deep breath before lifting his head and nodding. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Neil made the call. He used a burner app so his number wouldn’t show up on caller ID like Andrew had done with Walsh and gave the local PD the information. He turned to Andrew when he hung up. 

“They said they’d look into it. I’ll text Ramsey to let him know.”

Andrew nodded but didn’t say a thing. He picked at the already chipped polish on his fingers, but Neil waited him out as he texted Ramsey, glancing up every few seconds to watch him. 

Eventually, he finally asked, “What if she’s not even there? The FBI won’t take us seriously about James Hodges then. We’re going to look even more like we’re just trying to fuck up this investigation if we’re wrong.”

Neil sat on the table, next to Andrew’s elbow. “That’s probably true. But, so what? If this isn’t it, if she’s not there, then we do what we always do.”

“Kill someone?”

That shouldn’t have been funny... It really shouldn’t. But Neil couldn’t help the smile that twitched in the corner of his mouth and the laugh that burst from his throat. “ _No._ Keep searching, you drama queen.” He nudged him with his knee. “We’ll figure out the next step once we know this one is a dead-end. But we _will_ get there, Drew. Hey,” he leaned down as Andrew looked up at him, “It’s you and me, right?”

And let out a rough breath as he leaned back in his chair, resting a hand on Neil’s thigh. “Yeah. It’s you and me.”

-

It turned out Ramsey called them with news only a few hours later. 

_‘He’s here.’_

Neil’s heart bounded erratically against his ribcage. 

“You’re sure it’s him? Tell us every detail,” Andrew said, breathless. 

_‘Pulled up about half an hour ago and just walked righ’ in. ‘aven’t seen him come back out.’_

“Still no sign of Hailey?” Neil asked.

_‘No’ a one. I’ve got a long-range mic here and I can’ hear anythin’ but muffled talk from inside, but I haven’t heard anythin’ that sounds like a child since I’ve been here.’_

Andrew chewed on his knuckle. Neil put his hand on top of his and lowered it from his mouth. If he let him keep going, he was going to draw blood. “Okay. Thanks, Ramsey. Let us know if the cops show up, okay?”

_‘Yeah.’_

Ramsey hung up and before Andrew could start pacing, Neil pulled him to the front door. “Where are we going?”

“For a walk. If you’re going to pace let’s do it in the fresh air.”

“I hate fresh air,” Andrew grumbled, pulling on his shoes anyway. He came willingly enough, and they walked slowly past the rows of townhouses in their little neighborhood.

“We should have Ramsey follow him,” Andrew finally said, eyes squinting and hands shoved in his pockets. “See where he goes when he leaves. Maybe if Hailey isn’t there, he’ll lead us to where she is.”

Neil tilted his head up towards the sun, letting it warm his skin. Andrew may hate it, but Vitamin D was the one thing Neil always missed when he was forced to hide out indoors. Arizona was hellishly hot, but Neil didn’t mind it so much. He liked the sun. 

“You and Solis can get a room when we’re done here,” Andrew said, snapping his fingers in Neil’s face. Neil batted his hand away. 

“We can’t all be vampires, you know,” he mumbled, but then sighed, getting back on topic. “If Ramsey follows him, what happens when the cops show up?”

“ _If_ they show up,” Andrew muttered.

“Fine, _if_ they show up, we won’t know. We won’t know if they find her there.”

Andrew nodded his head from side to side as if he were weighing the pros and cons. “We’ll know eventually. It’ll be national news.”

“True.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes, their pinkies linking like they always did, before Andrew spoke again. 

“We wait to hear back from Ramsey. Either Gary leaving or the cops arriving. It’ll be one of those two. Then we’ll decide what to do.”

Neil nodded. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

* * *

The call came that night. They’d been trying to distract each other with movies and working on projects and even weeding around the flowers in the back, but Andrew still felt like there was a weight in his stomach, something dragging him down and making all of his moves sluggish, pushing the hours of the day on even longer and longer. So when Neil’s phone rang and it flashed Ramsey, that weight rose and pushed his heart into his throat.

“What’s happening?” Neil answered.

_‘Cops showed. They’re knockin’ on the door now.’_

They looked at each other with wide eyes. “Can you put us on facetime or something so we can see?”

 _‘’s too dark out here and I’m too far away,’_ Ramsey said quietly. _‘Hold on. Johnson jus’ answered the door. He’s chattin’ with them all nice like, laughin’ it up... he’s called his mother over. She’s huggin’ one of the officers - jesus christ.’_

Andrew ground his teeth. _Fucking pigs. Fucking stupid fucking pigs._

_‘Johnson’s waving ‘em in. They’re in the house with the door shut. Hold on while I get my mic out to listen.’_

They sat in silence and listened to Ramsey moving around, they assumed getting his mic ready. Andrew steepled his hands and covered his nose and mouth, closing his eyes and saying a silent prayer to no one that they found her. 

_‘Alrigh’. They’re jus’ talkin’. Okay it... it sounds like they’re movin’ aroun’ at least. Openin’ doors. More jus’ talkin’...’_

He went quiet. Neil and Andrew hardly breathed. Andrew watched the minutes tick by on Neil’s screen.

Five minutes. 

Then ten. 

_‘They’re comin’ out...’_

Neil put a hand on Andrew’s shoulder and squeezed. 

_‘No girl.’_

Andrew dropped his head in his hands. 

_Buzz, buzz, buzz_

_‘They’re sayin’ goodbye, laughin’ some more. Gettin’ in the car and leavin’.’_

Andrew shook his head. Of course. _Of fucking course._ Nothing could be simple. 

_‘What say you then, nephew?’_ Ramsey asked, voice low and dark.

Andrew looked at Neil because he couldn’t think right now - he couldn’t make a decision. He didn’t want to. He was so fucking tired.

Neil met Andrew’s eyes, and without looking away said, “Stay put. We’re coming to Dover.”

* * *

It was a six-hour drive from Palmetto to Dover and they left immediately. Andrew didn’t argue, comment, or even offer any suggestions. He followed Neil upstairs to pack a few days worth of clothes just because you never knew what shit would go down when you were as horribly unlucky as the two of them. 

Neil watched as Andrew stood in the kitchen, sliding his knives into place inside his armbands and running his hands over them just to feel that they were there. Andrew caught him staring, and his eyes never left Neil’s as he reached forward and pulled Neil close by a belt loop. They didn’t stray as he slid a knife into place in each one of Neil’s own armbands - nor did he turn his head away or look elsewhere as he lifted his chin to kiss Neil, one hand sliding under his shirt to trace his scars. 

Andrew didn’t comment as Neil checked and rechecked his gun. He’d gotten a holster for it on their way out of the gun range; one he could shrug into quickly and throw a jacket over to hide. He knew it still made Andrew a little nervous to see him with a firearm, but Neil wasn’t scared of the gun. He knew how to handle it and he knew that if they were ever in another Lola situation, he’d get himself thrown in prison before he let someone put a hand on Andrew. 

They loved on the cats and told them Bee would come by if they took too long, knowing full well that they didn’t understand, but 

Well. 

And then they were heading north. It was late. They’d be getting to Dover in the wee hours of the morning, but they didn’t care. 

-

Once they’d been driving for a while, they finally made a plan. 

“We’ll meet Ramsey there,” Neil said from the passenger seat. Andrew needed to drive, Neil knew that. It gave him a sense of control and at that moment, he knew that he desperately needed it. “And get the low down on what's happening with the house. I don’t think he’ll leave before morning if he’s already there, but if he does we’ll have Ramsey follow and figure out where he’s going. Wherever he ends up, we’ll look for Hailey ourselves. I know we’ve been trying to do this by the book -”

“I don’t care,” Andrew cut him off. “I know there’s a whole legal thing with evidence and my career, but I really don’t fucking care. The cops aren’t doing their jobs and I don’t want her with him for a second longer Neil. I’m done.”

Neil nodded, even though Andrew couldn’t see it in the dark. He was done, too. They didn’t know what Hailey had been through, but at the very least she’d been separated from her parents this entire time with a complete stranger. 

At worst -

_Don’t think about that._

They eventually stopped at a drive-thru for food, bathrooms, and to switch drivers, but that was it. Something was going to happen very, very soon. Neil could feel it. This was about to fucking end if they had anything to say about it. 

They parked not far from the house, not wanting to be spotted. The night was dark and ominous around them - no house lights were on and the streetlights were few and far between, trees stretching over some and casting long, spindly shadows across the cracked blacktop. 

Neil called Ramsey. “We’re here,” he said, the moment he answered. 

_‘Johnson’s still in the house,’_ Ramsey’s voice rasped. He sounded exhausted. Neil didn’t blame him, it was 2AM. 

“Give us directions to where you are.”

They listened as he spoke, not bothering to write it down because Andrew would remember it all. 

The wooded neighborhood provided excellent cover in addition to the heavy night, and the houses were spread apart so it was unlikely anyone would see the Mas in the dark. They walked through the woods to meet Ramsey across from the house. 

“You two sound like a fuckin’ stampede,” Ramsey grumbled when they finally found him in the dark. Neil was glad the moon was out, peeking through the clouds as they slid across the starless sky. 

“Sorry, I skipped spy class on sneaking-around-day,” Andrew shot back. 

They were all on edge. 

Ramsey sat against a tree and handed a pair of binoculars to each of them. Through them, Neil could just make out the Escalade parked in the driveway by the security lights around the house. 

_Convenient._

Neil handed them back and watched as Ramsey rubbed his eyes. Frowning, Neil nodded his chin back towards the road, “Why don’t you go rest? We’re fine here.”

Ramsey just snorted. “Righ’, an’ let you go and get yourselves killed. I’ll stay righ’ where I am.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “You’re no good to anyone exhausted like this. He’s not going to leave in the middle of the night. We’ll stay and keep watch. You go sleep for a couple and come back.”

Ramsey squinted at them in the dark (Andrew in particular). “You won’ move from this spot?”

“Cross my heart,” Neil promised. He didn’t know if he’d keep it, but he sounded convincing nonetheless. 

Narrowing his eyes, Ramsey only grunted but then looked to Andrew, to Neil’s surprise, and pursed his lips. “She’ll kill me y’know. If anythin’ happens to you.”

Andrew didn’t answer. They just stared at each other. 

“Hey, what about Uncle Stuart? He’ll be torn up if his favorite nephew is murdered, I’m sure.”

Ramsey shook his head and scoffed, “I’m not afraid of Stuart.”

Neil had to bite back a smile at that because Ramsey being afraid of Bee was both very smart and very cute.

Andrew just let out an annoyed sigh and aggressively rolled his eyes. “Get the fuck out of here. Nothing’s going to happen. I’m annoyed enough now to blow this entire thing, so leave, sleep, and let me be less annoyed.”

Ramsey shook his head. “I’m gonna sleep in me car, right down the road,” he pointed in the direction. “Do not leave this spot, yeah? You call me before you make _any_ moves.”

Andrew gave him a sarcastic two-fingered salute before sitting down in front of a different tree. Ramsey grunted as he stood, knees popping, and Neil thought he was probably glad to be retiring. He picked up the backpack beside him and gave it to Neil before nodding at him, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket, and heading back towards his car, almost totally silent. 

It was Neil’s turn to sigh as he dropped the bag at the foot of Andrew’s tree and sat down beside him, shoving his hands into the pockets of Andrew’s leather jacket he wore. It was in the ’50s, not freezing but still chilly. Neil could feel the gun pressed against his side. To balance it out, he scooted a little closer to Andrew so their arms were touching, trying to steal a little of his warmth. 

“Hey, stud.”

Andrew’s eyes didn’t move from the house. He shivered a little and Neil worried his hoodie wasn’t thick enough. Opening the backpack of supplies, he found a blanket just big enough to throw over the both of them, then scooted as close as he could. 

“Would you like to sit in my lap there, Neil?”

“Can I?”

Andrew snorted and put an arm around him, letting him lay his head on Andrew’s shoulder. Andrew dropped a kiss on his head, an almost automatic gesture.

“What do we do if he leaves?” Neil asked quietly.

“Follow him.”

“Without Ramsey?”

“Yes.”

He assumed as much. Andrew wouldn’t want to wait around for Ramsey to get here before they left. They’d lose him if they did and he honestly didn’t trust Ramsey to let them do what they needed to do. He’d be protecting them, of course - with his life if necessary. 

Neil just didn’t think it was necessary. 

“And if he gets back before then?” 

Andrew shrugged. “We still follow him. If Ramsey can keep up, great.”

They were quiet after that. Watching. Andrew looked through the binoculars every once in a while and Neil was thankful that it was chilly enough to keep him from falling asleep against his shoulder. 

“What will we do once this season is over...?” Neil eventually asked after about a half-hour passed by. Andrew needed a distraction and Neil could feel it. He was so in his own head - wound so fucking tight. Understandably so, of course, but Neil still felt the need to ease it just a bit for now. 

~~Before shit hit the fan.~~

“We could go back to the cabin,” Andrew suggested.

“We could... I miss the cabin. We had a lot of fun there.” Neil couldn’t help but smile a little.

Andrew sighed and laid his head on Neil’s. “You stripped me bare on that trip.”

“You stripped yourself when you got in that water.”

“I did... but only because I wanted to be with you. I wanted you, but I wanted you to have me, too. That’d never really been a thing before.”

Neil moved his head to try and see Andrew’s eyes, but it was too dark to make them out clearly. 

There was a moment,” Andrew murmured, voice quiet and just above a whisper. “You sat on top of me in the bed. It was the morning we were leaving and the light was coming through the windows and I just -” He stopped, shaking his head. 

_Andrew felt his pulse quicken under his fingers, but he didn’t move. He just looked... He looked, and he looked, and he felt while he looked. There was a part of him waiting for it . Expecting panic to spike through his veins and make him seize up for the anxiety of having a body on top of his own. He was waiting for the moment to come where he couldn’t stand it, until he had to fight, get away, to hide. But it never came. He felt nothing but warmth and whatever, and as he looked up to see Neil, he was greeted by the morning light haloing his body - auburn hair tipped with shades of copper and cinnamon, and skin scattered with all those freckles._

_Sometimes he seems too far to touch._

“- I kept waiting and waiting for the panic to set in... to push you off and hide because never, _never_ had another person done that to me with my permission.” He paused for one heartbeat. Two. “But it never came. You were so bright in that morning light, Neil... Hair on fucking fire, you know? And you told me you didn’t think it was moving too fast, because it’d moved so fucking slow since we were kids.”

Neil felt the need to blink a few times, willing the moisture in his eyes away. “I remember,” he whispered. 

And then, “Do you still think that? Did we move too fast?”

“No.” The answer was immediate. Automatic. True in every sense of the word. Neil would never regret what they’d done, nor the steps they’d taken. Not from the very earliest tiptoes to the most recent giant leap. “We didn’t.”

Andrew kissed his head again. “Then we don’t have anything to worry about.”

* * *

They spoke quietly to each other, soft things in the rising light of gray dawn. Andrew knew Neil was trying to distract him, to keep him calm. He’d been wound so tight these past couple of weeks, but especially the last few days. It was Neil that prevented him from snapping like a rubber band stretched too far. 

It was through a touch, or a ‘ _Drew’,_ or Neil’s warm body curled around his own - nothing sexual. Just... there. Protective. 

_Safe._

Andrew was self-destructive, not stupid. He knew that part of this anger, this tension and anxiety was because he felt close to his own _Steven_. He felt like he was doing this for the 9, for Robin, but also for the child he’d once been. He’d been small... So small and scared and alone. Wondering if he deserved it. Wondering what he’d done. 

_Why me?_

He still wondered sometimes. But wondering got him nowhere and hunting down a killer got him somewhere. Closer to his own salvation. 

Which was selfish, but true. 

It was the early hours of the morning when Andrew was startled to attention by the front door opening. Ramsey still hadn’t returned. He’d been running on very little rest for days, so Andrew wasn’t surprised. Right now, he was glad for it. 

He felt Neil grope for the binoculars beside him and they both lifted a pair up to see Gary _fucking_ Johnson locking the door behind him and heading towards his car. 

“Go.” Andrew hissed.

They got up as quickly and quietly as they could and made their way back down the road to where the Mas was waiting, making sure to stay behind the treeline, out of sight. When they reached the car, they slipped in with Andrew in the driver’s seat and waited because Gary wasn’t moving. They couldn’t see what he was doing from where they sat, but Andrew gripped the wheel and ground his teeth in anticipation. 

“Come on,” he whispered. “Come on, come on, come on.”

Finally, he moved. 

“Stay far enough back he doesn’t notice you,” Neil said, leaning forward in his seat.

“I know.”

“Try and put a few cars between you once we’re on the main road.”

_“I know, Neil.”_

“You need to calm down,” his tone was edging on stern. “I don’t want either of us getting hurt. We have to go into this as rationally as possible, okay? We’re seeing where he goes and maybe we’ll see a sign of Hailey, then we can get him.”

Andrew looked at him. He was focused on the black escalade in front of them, arms crossed and brows furrowed. 

“Neil.”

Neil looked at him and Andrew looked back to the road, jaw tight but determined. 

“I’m going to fucking destroy him. Now. I don’t want t to hear about a plan. I don’t want you to tell me to calm the fuck down. I’m not calming down until this is over.”

Neil was quiet for a moment, and then he murmured, “Okay.” His phone rang before they could say anymore. “It’s Ramsey.”

“Don’t answer it.”

Neil let it go to voicemail, only for it to start ringing again immediately. “He’s not going to stop.”

“I don’t want him to follow us.”

“I don’t either.”

He didn’t want Ramsey in the way - didn’t want him trying to stop them from getting this fucking guy. And if at some point it got fucked up before they could pin him, they’d risk themselves and Hailey. 

And, quite possibly, a very small part of Andrew could admit that he didn’t want anything to happen to Ramsey for Bee’s sake. 

He didn’t look very hard at that part. 

Neil turned off his phone. Andrew expected his to start ringing, but it remained silent. 

They continued that quiet as they followed Gary. Andrew made sure to stay a few car lengths behind, putting one of two vehicles between them when it was feasible. They’d been driving for about half an hour when Andrew realized -

“He’s heading toward the turnpike. He’s going to New Jersey.”

His mind raced with all the possibilities. They knew Hailey wasn’t in the house Robin had been at, nor was she at the home or apartment they’d searched with Ramsey. Of course, there was also the possibility that he could be heading anywhere else -

“Work-related?” Neil suggested. 

“Maybe...” Andrew murmured, but his gut was churning. He chewed on his lip because he knew. _Something was happening here._

They followed him onto the turnpike and Andrew tried his best to ease his nerves. It would be another two hours here if he was heading to Newark. 

“Should we tell someone what’s happening? Dan? Wymack?”

Probably wise but, “Not yet. Let’s wait until we know more.”

It didn’t take long. Once they left the turnpike, it was almost too obvious where Gary was headed. 

Andrew just didn’t know what that meant. 

“He’s going to the house,” Neil said, eyes focused on the Escalade a few cars away. “Do you think he knows we’re following him?”

“Dunno. I don’t think it matters anymore.”

They slowed since they knew where he was headed, let him turn onto the road, and head down before pulling over. They looked at each other. 

Andrew cracked his pinky. “Are you ready for this?” 

Neil’s face slipped into that cold mask - the one he reserved for Ichirou and mentions of his father. Working his jaw, he wordlessly pulled his gun out of the holster and checked it over, popping the magazine out once before shoving it back in. After he inhaled a slow breath, he nodded. “Ready.”

Andrew reached over and put a hand on the back of his neck. Neil looked at him and Andrew warmed with the way his face softened. Wetting his lips, he tightened his grip. “I need you to be careful. Don’t use that thing unless you absolutely have to, okay? I don’t want to have to break you out of prison. I know Stuart did whatever mob magic to get you a license, but you kill him and the cops are going to make shit hard for you.”

Neil leaned across the divider and pressed his lips to Andrew’s. “I don’t care,” he murmured against his mouth. Andrew kissed him back hard, lifting himself slightly off his seat as if it would give him more purchase before he broke it and rested his forehead against Neil’s. He held out his pinky and Neil took it firmly with his own. 

“It’s you and me,” Andrew said quietly.

“You and me.”

And with that and a racing heart pounding in his chest, he put the car in drive and slowly made their way towards the blue house. They parked on the side of the road in front of the trees surrounding it, rendering it unseen to anyone driving by. 

They could just make out the black Escalade in the driveway. 

“The for-sale sign is gone,” Neil noted. “Do you think he moved her back here?”

“Maybe. Maybe he thought since we’d already been here, we wouldn’t look again.”

_Pause._

“What if she’s not here?”

Andrew reached in the back to grab his bag. He got out his lock picking tools and as his fingers curled around his recorder, he paused for a moment. He furrowed his brows. There were pros and cons to his old style of recording. This wasn’t about aesthetics or worrying if he lost his phone or getting hacked. The archaic recorder was handy, but it would be useless if something did happen inside that house - if they did get arrested or -

~~_No_.~~

He dropped it back in his bag, then finally answered Neil’s question as he picked up his phone next from the center console. “We go in and confront him. Try to at least get a confession. If she’s here, great. We get her and get the fuck out. If she’s _not?_ We try to get the confession anyway and use that to force the pigs to listen.” He fired off a quick text, then quickly pulled up the recording app, hitting,

**[ REDACTED: RECORD ON ]**

before shoving it in his back pocket. 

Neil chewed his lip, looking through the trees toward the house. “He _could_ just kill us,” he murmured. 

“You’re a better shot than him.” 

“How do you know?”

“Because as far as we know, he’s never had to bother. He’s never had to protect himself. If he has a gun, I’d be shocked if he’s ever even used it and if I didn’t think I could take him, we wouldn’t be going in.”

Neil let out a deep breath, shook out the tension in his hands, then nodded. “Let’s go.”

They made their way toward the house quietly, eyes darting everywhere and adrenaline buzzing through Andrew’s veins. “Let’s go in through the basement,” he said into Neil’s ear. “If he’s down there, we’ll have him. I’d rather see what I’m walking into instead of coming down the stairs.”

Neil’s eyes were focused as he nodded and followed Andrew around the side of the house and down the few steps set in the ground that led to the basement door. He held out his hand and Andrew just raised a brow at it, confused. 

“The lock picks?”

Andrew scoffed. “Please. I could do this in my sleep.”

“Are you trying to say -”

“Gentlemen!” 

_Fuck._

They both jumped back a step when Gary _fucking_ Johnson flung the basement door open with that stupid megawatt grin in place. “What took so long? You followed me straight here, I expected you to at least knock sooner.” He put his hands on his hips, wearing a white button-down with a tie and straight pants and - “No matter! Come in, come in! You’re just in time!”

Andrew stepped in front of Neil, but Gary had already turned his back on them, shoulders relaxed and seemingly completely at ease. 

~~_He probably was._ ~~

Neil squeezed Andrew’s hand once before he stepped forward, leading them in to walk together, and Andrew couldn’t help but feel like they were being manipulated. Puppets doing exactly what was expected of them. 

Gary spun around before Andrew could linger over that any longer, arms out on either side of him. “Isn’t it great?! This is a large property with plenty of privacy. No one to hear you scream for miles!” He winked at them like he thought he was charming and gestured to them to follow closer, “Come on, let me show you the amenities.”

“We’re not playing whatever fucking -”

“Oh, I think you are,” Gary interrupted him, eyes fucking... sparkling with amusement. “Afterall, you’re already here. You’ve _been_ playing this game with me from the moment my _Little Bird_ came to find you. And -” he chuckled, “Don’t call me Gary.”

He turned again and headed down the hallway to the bedroom. Neil moved first and Andrew followed half a step behind, eyes trained on the back of Gary’s head. 

“Here we have the bathroom.” He opened the bathroom door, turned on the light, and glanced inside with a satisfied smile. “It’s small, sure, but it was plenty big enough for _Sweet Pea_. She thought it was neat having one all to herself.”

Andrew ached to reach for Neil, to pull him back and shove him out of the basement because he knew what was going on here... He understood the parameters of this _game_. 

Of course, he couldn’t though. Because, 

_‘It’s you and me’_

and

 _‘If it means losing you, then no._ ’

Neil would never let him. 

“Come see the bedroom! I think you’ll find it to your liking!”

Andrew and Neil stopped at the doorway and looked at Gary in the middle of the room, passing his eyes over the faded pink space with reverence and something sick and twisted that Andrew didn’t want to think about. 

“It’s a pity there are no windows down here, but _Sunshine_ liked it just fine. I painted the room pink for her, you know. She said it was her favorite color...” He ran his finger over one of the old sticker marks with a smile dancing on his fucking lips and 

Andrew grabbed Neil’s arm and turned, suddenly desperate to not be stuck in his hallway. He was not retreating - not bringing them back to the safety of the outdoors like he so desperately wanted to do, but instead back to the openness of the living area. Because whether he liked it at this moment or not, they had to finish this in whatever way they needed to get it finished. 

“Where are you going?” Gary called after them. “You haven’t seen the kitchenette! You know,” he chuckled again, “Princess was cooking her own meals at just six years old!”

Andrew stopped and turned to find Gary walking down the hall towards them. 

“Where is she?” Neil demanded, voice surprisingly steady. “Tell us where she is and we’ll leave. We won’t even tell them where you are.”

But of course, they would and Gary knew that. It was why he laughed, hands in his pockets as he continued towards them. His eyes squinted and there was that hint of something distinctly dangerous behind the veneer of gross charm and charisma. “You know, I thought you’d get here sooner. Not - here,” he looked around in gesture, “but, _here_. Especially after I showed you the houses for the first time. What an honest to god coincidence that Matt Boyd referred you to me of all people! I couldn’t believe my luck!”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Andrew said, disgust dripping off his words, “I hated you on sight. No one sane smiles as much as you do.”

Gary pulled back his chin and made a face with furrowed brows and lips that were one second away from _pfft_ -ing. “What’s there not to smile about? I’m rich beyond what I ever imagined for myself. I’m well-loved everywhere I go. And sure, there was that nasty business when I was married to Stacy, but,” he removed a hand from his pocket and waved his hand. “We went to high school together you know,” he sighed dramatically. “I hated her then, too... But she was a nice cover while she lasted. What do you gays call that? A beard?”

_What the -_

“Jesus fuck, you like to hear yourself talk. Where the _fuck_ is Hailey?”

Gary just sighed again, “Guess I’ll have to google it...” he mumbled to himself and then scratched his chin. “Yeah, you just left her back in Dover.” He shrugged, smile curling again in absolute delight at the blood draining from Andrew’s face. 

~~_She was there... she’d been right there -_ ~~

But then his expression changed, eyes going wide and head shaking as he waved his hand again. “Oh _no, no, no_ , don’t worry! She’s being well taken care of by my mother. You know, I’ve made lots of mistakes in my years, but I’ve really gotten all this down to a science. No need to -”

“But the cops -” Neil cut him off. 

“Are idiots,” Gary scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Dover’s my home town and even with my new face after that _tragic_ car accident, they still all fawn over me. Flash a wallet full of cash and they think I’m untouchable.”

Neil reached back and squeezed Andrew’s hand. Almost like they were of one mind, one body, one fucking soul, they turned at the same time and headed for the still open basement door because _Hailey -_

“Oh no you don't...”

Quicker than he looked, Gary caught up to them fast and pushed Neil from behind. He shot forward faster than Andrew could react and hit his head on the corner of the door frame. Andrew caught him before he could fall, the rage pooling in his stomach now rising to burst free, but Neil rallied. He stood up straight, wiping the blood from his face. He had a gash in his eyebrow and a few scrapes but otherwise seemed okay. Andrew pushed to get in front of Neil as Gary slammed the door shut and pulled out a gun, but as they were forced back into the room, Neil angled his body and pulled out his own gun so quickly, Andrew hardly saw it. 

“Get behind me,” he told Andrew through gritted teeth. 

“No.” Andrew growled, standing beside him and eyes focused on Gary’s gun. Bee _burned_ behind his ear, but her buzzing was overshadowed by his pulse pounding in his ears.

“Andrew, don’t fucking argue with me right now. Get. Behind. Me.”

He held the gun steady, pointed directly at Gary’s heart. Sweat beaded on his forehead and blood trickled down the right side of his face, but he looked unshaken. Ready for this fight. Like he’d expected it.

Gary laughed, eyes shining with dark delight.

_Like he expected it, too._

“This is so sweet, really. Just... really, really touching. Nathaniel, did I ever tell you about the time we met when you were barely out of diapers?”

“I don’t give a fuck. Let us leave or I’ll put a bullet in your fucking head.”

Gary cocked his head to the side and raised a brow, “Will you? Huh... Or will I shoot young Mr. Minyard there before you can? I’d love to add his body to my count. And while I quite enjoyed that ridiculous podcast, he really has a way of getting under one’s skin.” 

“How many girls was it, besides the 9, Gary?” Andrew asked. His phone still going and they felt like they were growing heavier in his pockets. 

“ _Don’t_...” Gary flicked his eyes to Andrew and angled his body towards him more, “call me that.” he smiled. “And only... maybe a couple before them.” His lips twitched and Andrew had to calm his breathing, realizing he had to keep him talking. “I didn’t know their names though... Just experiments. You did put together a great timeline though. I commend you on that. It was so fun seeing it all laid out for others to hear.” 

“And here I thought we might have had one or two of the girls wrong.”

_Get him to confess._

“No! It was actually quite impressive. You got them all - all my girls. I loved them, you know... each and every one. That’s why I kill them, you see. To set them free... They don’t deserve the burdens of adulthood. Even -” Gary yelled out and leaned forward, gun dropping from his hand in surprise as he bent over his leg where one of Andrew’s knives protruded from it. Blood poured freely, soaking his pant leg and dripping to the linoleum wood floor. He’d turned his body behind Neil enough to cover himself while he pulled it out. 

But he didn’t waste time. He charged Gary as Neil kicked the gun away, and slammed him to the ground. It earned him an elbow to the lip for his trouble, but he still got him - still pinned him down and used all those hours with Renee to dig his knees into Gary’s arms. He still bucked his hips, seething and spitting as he desperately tried to dislodge Andrew from him. Andrew had another knife out and on his neck before he even realized he’d pulled it out. 

And like that, Gary stopped fighting, his teeth bared but his eyes wild as he laughed, “No one will believe you! One call to my mother and Hailey disappears. Don’t you KNOW WHO I AM?!” he screamed in Andrew’s face. But Andrew did not relent. He dug his knees deeper into the weak points of _Steven’s_ arms and felt where the blade in his hand could just... _give_ if he wanted it to. 

He bent forward until their faces were inches apart. “You are no one,” he said, voice deathly low. He wanted to make him understand, wanted to see the panic build in his eyes, and _fear_ replace it. He waited for it, searching, _needing_ it as he watched his smile falter slightly. A drop of Andrew’s blood fell onto Steven’s face. 

“Why don’t you ask Little Bird if I’m no one,” Gary hissed back.

Andrew’s eyes narrowed. “You are nothing to her...” he dug the knife in just a little more and _there_ it was. _Fear_. It was crisp and it was dark and as Gary grit his teeth, Andrew continued. “She’s living an entire life without you. She’s successful despite you. You did not ruin her, Steven.”

“Drew.”

Neil said it calmly, making no move to stop him. But Andrew still _needed him to know._

“I’ve got you, Steven,” Andrew was the one to smile now, and he knew he probably looked insane. “I’ve fucking got you and you’ll never fucking hurt us again.”

_Andrew just shook his head, then lifted his chin with dark, dull eyes. “What I want is to find him. That’s all. I don’t want to have this fucking conversation right now.” He got louder as he spoke. “I just want to figure this out and find Steven so he can never fucking hurt me again, okay?”_

_Neil blinked. Andrew’s chest rapidly rose and fell. He didn’t even realize what he just said and_

_“Andrew,” Neil started quietly, suddenly feeling an immeasurable sadness take root in his stomach and wind it’s way up his chest. “Who do you think we’re looking for?”_

“ _Drew_ ,” Neil said again, louder. “Sirens.”

He stared down into the panting face of the man who had tortured and killed and hurt little girls. _Children_. So small, like he’d been. Any fear that laced itself into his eyes before was now gone as anger, desperation, _survival_ replaced it. That, at least, Andrew could recognize and he debated carving an **X** into his neck - debated giving him a scar like the ones that littered his arms as a permanent reminder of a time he couldn’t keep all the pain inside. 

But he couldn’t. Not with Neil behind him. Not with the scars his father had given him. Neil was more important at that moment. 

Andrew stayed on top of Gary, but he turned his eyes up to Neil and looked pointedly at the gun still steady in his hands. Neil nodded and stowed it back in his holster. Andrew would rather he got rid of it completely, not trusting cops no matter how legal it was, but he’d probably end up in more trouble for trying to hide it. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, leaning his weight forward so Gary winced in pain and was, as a result, pinned more effectively, as he stopped the recording and tossed it to Neil. 

**[ REDACTED: RECORD OFF ]**

“Send that to Seth.”

“I’ll get out of this,” Gary said, eyes widening once more as he tried again to desperately break free. “No -” he whispered, looking at the phone and Andrew thought, _what a fucking idiot, to think we wouldn’t come in here recording._ “I _always_ get out of it. You’ll see,” he growled, fighting harder but Andrew did not relent. Because he did not _see_ and he was glad Gary finally understood what was happening here. He stowed his knife back in his armband, then twisted to pull the other one out of Gary’s leg, satisfied at the scream he let out. Andrew smiled at him as he wiped the blood off on that crisp white shirt and slid it back into its place in his armband.

But it was only another minute before the cops came in and Andrew moved right before they came bursting through the door. He got off Gary, but stayed on his knees, hands in the air. Neil assumed the same position beside him, but Gary scrambled to stand. 

The cops poured in before Gary even had the chance. Andrew had no idea what they thought happened here. He’d told Renee in the text to call them if he hadn’t texted her back in twenty minutes, but he didn’t know what she’d told the dispatcher. 

“We have weapons and we’re not reaching for them,” Andrew said loudly. “I have knives in my armbands.”

“I have a gun under my jacket. I’m not reaching for it, I have not used it.” Neil echoed Andrew, looking at the ground as he spoke.

“One the ground!” one of them yelled, gun pointing at them. “Face down, hands behind your backs!”

They complied. “This man is Gary Michael Johnson!” Andrew yelled above the noise. “He kidnapped Hailey Clark and is holding her in Dover, Delaware!”

The cops didn’t respond. Gary wasn’t complying in the slightest, yelling at the cops that he’d been attacked while two manhandled him onto his stomach, demanding to know if the gun on the floor was his. Neil and Andrew on the other hand laid down, cheeks on the cold wood floor facing each other, and remaining quiet as pigs leaned on their backs. Neil kept eye contact as Andrew was forcibly reminded of the woods - of Lola, insane with bloodlust yelling bits of Romeo and _fucking_ Juliet above them. 

Of Neil. 

_Neil, Neil, Neil_. 

Always Neil and Neil saying, _‘You’re still the bravest boy I know._ ’

Andrew wanted to talk. Wanted to say _it’s okay. It’ll be fine. We’ll get out of this. You were amazing. You were so good. Thank you._

But he didn’t. 

Couldn’t. 

He thought Neil understood, anyway. 

Andrew started when he was roughly patted down. 

_Hands_. 

There were so many _hands_ and they were _everywhere_. They were on his body, _feeling_ and _searching_ and he tried so hard to keep the scream in his throat from bursting out into the air. He still looked at Neil who was undergoing the same treatment, refusing to let his eyes stray. 

One of the cops pressed harder into his back as he got right next to his ear and screamed, “DON’T FUCKING MOVE!”

Andrew bit his lip. It was badly split and he tasted blood, but he didn’t care because at that moment it was everything he could do not to lash out. Every instinct in him wanted to fight. He wanted to hurt them - wanted to tell them to get their _fucking hands_ off him. But instead, he remained silent, complying as they ripped off his armbands and cuffed his wrists. He closed his eyes shut tight and breathed deeply because

_It was so much. Too much, too much, too much..._

_Buzz, buzz, bu-_

“Drew,” Neil said, quiet and calm. He opened his eyes to look at Neil again. His face was stained with blood where he’d hurt it on the door, but his eyes were clear and _blue_. _So blue_ \- “You’re okay, Drew.” No one paid attention to what he was saying. They were too busy getting Gary under control and yelling for evidence bags for their weapons. 

“I love you,” he mouthed. “It’s you and me.”

Before Andrew could respond, before he could let Neil’s words permeate the thick cloud in his mind, they were both yanked up by their cuffed wrists and patted down again on the front. 

“I don’t fucking have anything else!” Andrew said through clenched teeth because he couldn’t help it. It was taking every ounce of self-control he had not to put a boot in this pig's fucking face, and the knowledge that if he gave in to it, Neil would be left alone. 

“Shut the fuck up,” The cop said, digging in Andrew’s pockets. “We’ll see if you don’t have anything else.” 

Andrew clenched his jaw and looked to Neil who was shooting daggers with his eyes and keeping his mouth shut for once. Andrew was glad. 

They were dragged out of the house and roughly pushed up the stairs with a cop holding onto one of their arms tightly as if they would make a run for it. Maybe they were read their rights, maybe they weren’t. Andrew could hardly hear anything as he focused on the next steps to keep the fog of panic at bay. That focus was broken the moment he heard _it_ , though. 

“Wesninski,” one of the pigs sneered at Neil as they were forcibly walked across the lawn to the cruisers in the driveway. Andrew snapped his head up and pulled against the fucker holding him, but his grip did not relent. It was the cop holding onto Neil who’d said it, and Neil just laughed bitterly - that sharp, cutting, angry smile curving at the corner of his lips. 

“No -” Andrew breathed, but they were being pulled in different directions. That didn’t stop them from straining toward each other, desperate to stay together. They were ripped apart by bruising grips and angry voices. There were so many things in Andrew’s head and chest and heart and he couldn’t distinguish one from another as they built into an overwhelming and absolute panic for Neil. One wrong word and they’d do whatever they could to fuck up his entire world. 

To send him away. 

To force him to atone for the Butcher’s sins. 

Andrew twisted toward him the best he could, struggling as another cop joined to yank him away. But he needed Neil to know, needed him to “Wait for Abby!” Andrew yelled. “Don’t say anything until Abby gets there! _Neil -_ ”

That was all he could get out before he was shoved into the back of one of the cruisers. 

He could see Gary smiling at him through the windshield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler Trigger Warnings:  
> The violence is not as bad as season 1, so if you got through that, you can most likely get through this.  
> Cops and arrests  
> Pigs being Pigs
> 
> *Guns and the handling of them - We feel really strongly about guns, but we felt like there was no way around adding them in the fic. It just wouldn't make sense and we tried to handle it as sensitively as possible. We hope through Andrew, you get our feeling of them as well. 
> 
> -
> 
> Oopsie... 
> 
> Thank you guys so, so, so fucking much for sticking around with us. We honestly can't believe that this is almost over! Season 2 has been in the making for over a year and we are honestly so happy with how all the pieces are FINALLY falling together!! We'll let yall know more in next chapter, but for now we really hope you liked this! AND WE'RE SORRY BUT WE PROMISE WE'LL FIX EVERYTHING, JUST TRUST US OKAY!? okay ^^
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Let us know what you think!!! We love to see your feedback!
> 
> Don't forget to keep up with our socials!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)  
> And here's a [TMZ article](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/629915821527957504/im-sure-most-of-you-know-whats-happened-by-now)  
> about Andreils arrest :3 
> 
> See yall soon for our last and final chapter... And thank you again for sticking with us. Season 2 literally wouldn't be anything without you all <3


	18. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _aftermath and new beginnings_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so... this is the end. Thank you everyone. Thank you so fucking much for sticking through with us for this past year and a half. It's been... a wild ride to say the least. We know we say it all the time, but we really didn't expect this to happen. Red Rabbits started out as a throw away idea, a vague plot spurred from a podcast obsession. But then it morphed into this absolute beast that slowly turned into our baby. Honestly, it probably hasn't even hit us that this is the last chapter. It feels weird and unreal, but we are so unbelievably grateful to the love that we've received on this wild journey.  
> Anyway... before we wax poetic for too long about how much we appreciate you all, let's get to the chapter first. 
> 
> As always, Trigger Warnings:  
> Dealing with the police  
> Mild breakdown  
> Non-explicit sex  
> And thats... it I think? Please let us know if we're missing anything!

Seth was warm. 

He was snuggled under his blankets with his ten pillows and his fiancé. So, naturally, when his phone went off, he ignored it. 

Who the fuck would try and send him shit this early anyway?

He sighed deeply and nuzzled the back of Dion’s neck. _Maybe I can get a morning quickie if I’m real cute about it..._ His phone went off again and he groaned. 

“Might be important,” Dion mumbled.

“You’re important,” Seth replied, voice dipping as he rolled D onto his back and shifted to lay on top of him. 

“ _Oof_. You too damn big to be layin’ all over me, Seth.”

“Rude,” Seth nuzzled his neck until Dion shoved him off. 

“Later, mister. I’m up now which means you’re up, too.” He slid out of the bed and Seth rolled onto his back lazily, smiling as he watched Dion stretch in nothing but a pair of briefs. _He’s so fuckin’ pretty._

Dion threw him a wink and made his way to the shower. Seth sighed with contentment before finally picking up his phone. His brow furrowed though because it was a voice memo from Andrew and -

“Oh, _fuck_.”

He pressed play and only had to listen for two seconds before he turned it back off and stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t yet... It was too fucking early and he wasn’t _ready._

But his readiness didn’t matter. 

He jumped out of bed before he could stall any longer and quickly started pulling clothes on. 

“D!”

Dion poked his head around the corner of the ensuite. “What is it?”

“I have to go. I have to call Dan and get to the studio.” He didn’t even realize his heart was beating double time until Dion stepped into the room and put calming hands on his shoulders. He could feel _something_ rising up his back, through his shoulders, his neck, all the way to his head that felt light with a familiar sense of dread.

It was the same feeling he had when he’d listened to the ‘Lola tapes’.

“Baby, what happened?” D might’ve asked, or maybe he didn’t. Seth just looked at him and tried to take a deep breath as he answered anyway. 

“Something bad.” 

* * *

Neil was pacing in a box. 

Back and forth, back and forth, one corner, two corners, three - four. There were scuffs on the floor and the fluorescent light hummed from above. When he looked up, he could see the brown spots where some sort of bugs got stuck and perished beneath the bulbs. He wondered if those poor critters felt as helpless as he did now. 

As trapped. 

He tugged at his hair and rubbed at his wrists where the cuffs had dug in. The last time he’d seen Andrew, he’d been screaming about Abby and then shoved into the back of a cruiser. But when he closed his eyes, all he could see was Andrew’s face as the pigs put their hands all over him, aggressively patting him down and screaming in his face. 

_Ripping off his armbands._

Desperation shone in his eyes and Neil could feel how he held on to the dark thread between them with everything he had so as to not lash out, or scream, or fight. 

Neil swallowed hard and pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes until he saw stars and the stitched cut in his brow throbbed painfully. “Fuck,” he whispered, but no matter how hard he pressed, he couldn’t get _him_ out of his head because he was beside himself with worry. Logically, he knew Andrew was probably in the same position he was - pacing an interrogation room and worrying about him. But Neil also knew that before Andrew was out of his sight, he was shutting down. Golden eyes turning cold and emotion leeching from his face and -

The door opened and Neil stopped pacing, backing into the wall as far from the door as he could get. 

“Where’s Andrew?”

The cop that entered didn’t answer. He threw a greasy looking bag of food on the table.

“Where’s Andrew?!”

The door shut again.

Neil did the only thing he could possibly think to do and ripped the bag to pieces, letting the food lay scattered and forgotten. 

_Andrew’s not eating._ There was no way. Neil knew him and knew right now if they put food in front of him, it’d make him sick. Neil would cook for him when they got back. Make him a really great meal. 

_Except I can’t cook._

“Take out,” he muttered to himself. He’d order take out. He could use a phone. That was simple enough. He’d wrap Andrew in his favorite purple fuzzy blanket and order greek food and steal his olives and -

He startled when the door opened again to a man who looked too young for his job walking in and wearing khaki pants, a plaid shirt, and a tie. 

“Mr... Josten?” Plaid-Pig asked, looking down at the folder in his hand. 

_At least they didn’t call me Wesninski._

“Where’s Andrew?”

“Why don’t you sit? I’m detective Harris. I’m just going to talk to you for a few minutes and try and get this straightened out.”

Neil snorted. _Yeah, okay. Sure._

“Where the fuck is Andrew? Is he here?”

“Mr. Minyard is in another room down the hall, yes. He’s completely fine. I’m going to talk to him after I talk to you.” 

Neil didn’t trust this asshole as far as he could throw him. _Still_. His chest loosened just a little. 

“Will you sit?”

“No.”

“Okay,” ~~Detective Harris~~ Plaid-Pig shrugged an unbothered shoulder. “I just want to get your side of what happened. I understand you and Mr. Minyard believe Mr. Hodges to be involved in the kidnapping of Hailey Clark?”

“His name is Gary Johnson and fuck you. I’m not saying shit until my lawyer is here. Don’t I get a phone call or something?”

“Sure, you can call your lawyer, of course. But right now why don’t we -”

“Oh my god, get the fuck out of here,” Neil groaned. At this point, he was at the end of his fucking rope. He hadn’t slept in over a day and he should probably eat but he knew he wouldn’t be able to and he just needed to fucking see _Andrew_. “I’m not saying a goddamn word until my lawyer gets here.”

Neil watched with some small fascination as Plaid-Pig’s face changed - morphing from friendly and peaceful, to angry and spiteful. 

~~_Good._ ~~

“You would think someone with as much to lose as you would want to cooperate.”

Neil crossed his arms over his chest. They’d taken Andrew’s leather jacket from him. They’d taken his own armbands from him. Now they were trying to threaten him with the rest?

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, _detective_?”

Plaid-Pig just pursed his lips and shook his head slightly. “Just that... you know. As the Butcher’s kid, you have a lot of enemies in this building. He operated in Newark... Lost a cop or two trying to bring him in.”

Neil could feel the smile curving at his lips, stretching _just so_ and eyes narrowing to slits. He smiled, smiled, smiled and he didn’t even try to tamp it down. They wanted to remind him that he was Satan’s spawn?

_Here I fucking am._

Approaching the table, he pressed both palms flat against the metal surface and tilted his head, scars littering his arms on display. “Detective Harris... you’re young. How old are you?”

He didn’t answer, his glare meaning to be intimidating no doubt, but Neil had met better BigBad’s than this fuck. “You know what?” He scoffed, “Doesn’t matter. The fact is, you would’ve been too young when Nathan Wesninski was at the height of his reign of terror to even know what was happening. So, let me give you a little insight.” He nodded his chin toward the door, “Those poor, _poor_ officers that were lost _valiantly_ defending your city?” He leaned forward, “They were on his payroll,” he whispered, “and they pissed him off. The cops here who hate me because of him? They’re probably just the sad bastards who lost stacks of cash they used to get for keeping their mouths shut.”

Now, Neil didn’t _really_ know this of course. But it was most likely true, at least from what his mother and Stuart had both told him. 

Plaid-Pig smiled a smile that showed his teeth. “We’ll get right on that phone call.” The then stood and left the room without a backward look at Neil, the door shutting resolutely behind him. 

Neil sighed and backed up to the wall again to slide down to the floor, ignoring the perfectly good chair sitting in the corner. 

-

A short time later, someone opened the door again and snapped him out of his thoughts. His eyes lowered from the poor bugs in the light to a cop or someone in plain clothes with a landline in hand. They plugged it into the wall, set it on the table, pressed a few buttons, and gestured to the receiver. Neil quickly stood and picked it up to hear a ‘ _Hello?’_ on the other line. 

He wanted to puke with relief. 

“ _Abby,_ ” he breathed. “Abby, you have to come to Newark. Have you talked to Andrew? They won’t let me talk to Andrew -”

 _‘Neil,’_ Abby interrupted. ‘ _Listen, I know you’re probably freaking out, but I need you to calm down. I’m already in Newark.’_

“But - What?” _What?_

_‘Seth called everyone when Andrew sent him a voice memo this morning. I started making calls immediately. I’ve been on with the NPD’s asses all day to let me talk to you two.’_

“But how are you here already?! What time is it?”

_What day is it?_

_‘It’s almost 6, Neil.’_

_Jesus fuck._ It’d been stupid early this morning when they were at the house. Maybe 8AM? Then they’d had to wait for paramedics to look at their injuries and Gary was taken to a hospital for the stab wound in his leg. _Fucker_. 

_‘Listen, I can’t go into detail over the phone, but I’ll be there as soon as I can. Don’t say anything until I’m there, understand? I don’t care what they try to offer you, Neil. You’re not officially under arrest yet. They haven’t booked you for anything. Just sit tight.’_

Neil nodded, then remembered she couldn’t see him. “Okay,” he breathed. “Are you... will you -”

_‘I’m having them give Andrew the phone next.’_

“Tell him I’m okay. He’s going to be worrying, but tell him I’m fine. Tell him to worry about himself.”

Abby sighed, _‘You two, I swear are going to be the death of me and David - not to mention poor Betsy.’_ Neil pressed his lips together and lowered his eyes to a dent in the table. _‘I’ll tell him. Sit tight.’_

* * *

The metal table beneath his back was cold. It didn’t warm to his heat because Andrew didn’t have any. But it was grounding as he lay on top of it in the interrogation room, hands laced on his stomach and eyes closed. At some point, he’d taken the tie out of his hair and splayed it out so he wasn’t laying on it. 

He wasn’t trying to sleep. He wouldn’t be able to if he tried. He was just trying not to lose his shit. 

Every time someone walked in he asked about Neil, and every time he was ignored. 

This time, he didn’t move when the door opened again, nor did he open his eyes. He tried to focus on the red behind his lids, lit up from the _buzzing_ light above. There was some sort of bug trapped in there, it’s wings flapping and trying to find an exit. 

Andrew tried really hard not to be that bug. 

“Mr. Minyard, I’m detective Harris. Can we talk for a moment?”

Andrew turned his head slowly and cracked open one eye to see a man in his early thirties in pants that were too tight and a god awful shirt and tie combo. He closed his eye again. 

“No.”

“Well, it’s just that I was talking to Mr. Josten -”

“Doubt that.”

“- and he had some interesting things to say about you. You’re lovers, is that correct?”

Andrew opened both eyes this time and turned his head again, looking at _Detective Harris_ with a curled lip. He scoffed, “Lovers? Are you fucking kidding me? Are we in a crime novel? Do you mean we _fuck_? Because that’s true, Detective, but I don’t really see what that has to with anything.”

The detective just shrugged and stood next to the table, looking down at him. “Whatever you want to call it. Don’t you want to know what he had to say?”

And that was truly hilarious. Andrew rolled his eyes, “Neil didn’t say shit and don’t come in here trying to good cop me into speaking. I want my fucking attorney and I want you and that horrible fucking gingham shirt to get out of my sight,” he waved an errant hand, dismissing _Detective Harris_. 

Harris looked down at his shirt and then back up at him, grimacing. “Fine. I guess we’ll just let you think about it a little longer.”

“Don’t let Johnson make a phone call.”

“You mean Hodges?”

 _Ugh._ Andrew swung his legs around and sat up in one fluid motion. “ _No._ I mean _Johnson_. He’s going to call his mother and he’s going to tell her to hide Hailey somewhere else. I have the entire thing recorded, I keep telling you fuckers. If you’d just -”

Harris rolled his eyes and turned around, “Yeah. We’ll get right on that.” He stopped at the door and tilted his head towards Andrew. “You know, we’ve all heard your podcast here. ACAB, is that right?”

Andrew sneered and leaned closer to Harris. “Abso-fucking-lutely.” He should stop. _Probably_ . Like, definitely for sure he should shut the fuck up. But it was this or put his fist in this asshole’s face and this had to be better than _that_. 

“Well,” Harris said, straightening and smiling, “I guess we’ll see what the bastards in this building can do for you.”

He opened the door to leave but stopped when someone met him outside the threshold. Andrew could only make out part of the conversation, “... Phone call.”

“No, not yet,” Harris replied.

“... insisting. I’ve been told we have to let him talk to her.”

Harris flung the door back open in frustration and stormed off. A woman walked in with a phone and plugged it into the wall before setting it on the table next to Andrew. She pressed a few buttons and handed the receiver to him. 

“Your attorney.”

Andrew took the phone quickly. “Abby?”

_‘Yes, how are you?’_

“Neil. have you -”

_‘Yes, Andrew, I’ve talked to him. He told me to tell you he’s fine and not to worry.’_

Andrew let out a harsh breath and ran a hand through his hair. 

_Thank fuck._

_‘Listen, I’m on my way, okay? You did good getting that message to Seth this morning. We left as soon as we got it.’_

“We?”

_‘I can’t go into much detail over the phone, but I’ll be there as soon as I can. I know you know, but don’t say anything until I get there.’_

“I’ve done this enough times to know the deal, Abby.”

_‘Don’t remind me. Poor David is beside himself, you know. I have to go but I’ll be there soon. I’ll try to get you and Neil in the same room. We’ll get you out of there, I promise.’_

Andrew hung up the phone, feeling a bit lighter than he had before. Neil was fine. _He’s okay_ . They were going to get out and go home and it would all be _fine._

~~But he could still feel hands on his body.~~

* * *

Neil counted the tiles in the ceiling. There were 50 even. He knew for sure because he’d counted them over and over. He even counted the poor bugs in the light. There were 10 or 11, he couldn’t really tell how many were in the small clump in the corner. But he counted nonetheless in English, German, French, even in his very rusty Spanish. 

He didn’t even look the next time the door opened. It was only when Abby said his name that he moved. Turning to look, he quickly jumped up when he saw Andrew walk in behind her, flanked by two officers. Andrew moved around Abby and they collided in the middle of the room. Neil closed his eyes and squeezed him tight. “Is this okay...?” he whispered. Andrew nodded, so Neil kept squeezing. He pulled back only to put his hands on Andrew’s cheeks, searching his face. “All that fighting and you never learned to duck?” He gently touched the stitched split in Andrew’s lip with his thumb. Andrew kissed it. 

“I’m fine, Neil.”

Neil heard one of the cops mutter something and he snapped his head to the side, glaring as dangerously as he knew how. “What was that? Something you want to say here? Go right ahead, I’m all ears. I can’t wait to hear it _and_ in front of my attorney.” 

His attorney who was giving him a stern look before she turned to the officers. “Thank you. I’d like to speak to my clients in private now.”

With one last glare in their direction, the cops left and shut the door behind them. 

“Sit, you two,” Abby sighed, gesturing to the chairs. “We have a lot to talk about.”

They sat next to each other and Neil was more than relieved when Andrew took his hand and laced their fingers together. He squeezed for an extra layer of reassurance and felt Andrew squeeze back. 

Across from them, Abby pulled a manilla file out of the large bag she carried. “How’d you get here so fast?” he asked, watching her flip through pages. 

“Stuart. As soon as he heard, he had a plane readied. He’s here along with David and Betsy. Ramsey met them at the airport when they landed -”

“Bee?” Andrew asked quickly. “Why is Bee here?”

Abby stopped flipping and looked up at him as if that was a ridiculous question. “You expected her to stay behind when she heard what happened? Andrew, you should know better than that. She was the first person on the plane and before -” Andrew opened his mouth to respond but Abby shook her head and held up a hand, “No, before you say anything, I tried telling them to stay and wait for us, but you know Betsy. I couldn’t stop her if I tried.”

Of course she couldn’t. Betsy Dobson was there immediately when they were in the hospital after Lola. She was the one that fought for them to be moved into the same room. _Of course she’s here now._

Abby set her file aside once she found what she was looking for and pulled out a tablet from her bag next. Setting it up with its keyboard, she sighed and flicked a strand of dark brown hair from her vision as her eyes hardened, ready to get down to business. “Okay. Now, tell me what happened from the beginning.”

So they did. They told her everything, including Ramsey’s part which, Neil noted, she didn’t jot down into her notes. 

“You both had weapons?” She asked, typing away. 

“Yes,” Neil replied. “I had my gun which is legal, and knives in my armbands, which to the best of my knowledge is also legal. I didn’t use either of them and I only pulled out my gun when he pulled his out on me first.”

“Andrew?”

“I stabbed the fucker.”

Neil snorted. Abby looked up at him. “Andrew...” She was trying to be stern, but Neil could see her lips twitching. 

Andrew just rolled his eyes and shrugged a tired shoulder, “I threw a knife at him to get him to drop the gun. It hit him in the leg and you know what? I did that for _you_ Abs. I didn’t want you to have to defend a murder.” Neil squeezed his hand again and grinned when Andrew looked at him. 

_We’ll be okay._

“Always so thoughtful,” Abby muttered, still typing. “Okay, here’s the deal,” she finally sighed after a long moment of getting whatever detail she wanted to get down, down. “Neil, you didn’t use your weapon, but you still had them on you. They’re going to say that shows intent. Andrew, you _did_ actually use your weapon and because of that, Gary Johnson is still in the hospital, moaning about his injuries and complaining about how you stalked and attacked him.”

“I mean...” Neil thought about it for a second. “He’s not really wrong, is he?”

“ _Neil_ . _No_ ,” Abby groaned, rubbing her eyes. “You acted in self-defense.”

“Have they listened to my recording?” Andrew asked. “Literally everything they need is already there. He confesses to the entire thing - all the murders.”

Abby pushed the tablet to the side, put her forearms on the metal table, and leaned forward. “Okay. Here’s the thing, you two. They’re going to make things as hard as possible for you for a few reasons.” She looked between them and started to tick them off on her fingers. “One, they know you hate cops. I overheard them playing some of the podcast and it was a part where you were talking about them not doing their jobs. Two, Neil, they know you’re Nathan Wesninski’s son. They think that gives them free rein to jerk you around. Lastly, three, they look like incompetent idiots and they know it. I think they’re trying to come up with a plan that makes it look like the both of you are two unstable criminals and they caught this guy by themselves.”

“Hailey -”

“They don’t have her yet... My guess is they’re also trying to figure out the legalities and how to check without alerting the media. _Or_ they just don’t believe you. As far as I’ve been told, they haven’t listened to the recording, so I don’t know. What I _do_ know is that unless they want a smear campaign against them by the public via the RRP listeners, they’ll cooperate with us. I just have to get that across to them.”

Neil sighed heavily and suddenly, really felt how tired he really was. “What’s next...?”

“ _Next_ , I try to convince them to take a statement now that I’m here and let you go without booking you.”

Neil pressed his lips together and looked to Andrew who nodded and asked, “Is that everything?”

Abby looked at them both carefully. After a long moment of her scrutinizing them in a way that made Neil nervous, she finally picked up the piece of paper she’d pulled out earlier and slid it across the table in front of them. 

“Renee gave me this. Said she didn’t know if it would be important. Care to explain?”

They leaned forward and looked at it together, then up at each other. Andrew raised a brow as if to ask him, _‘Well?’_

Neil bit the inside of his lip and dragged his eyes back to her. “You can’t tell Seth.”

* * *

They were separated again once they were finished speaking with Abby. She left to do whatever it was she had to do to get them out of yet another mess. Andrew was still exhausted and he felt raw around the edges - like he’d been scrubbed with a hard bristle brush. At least being close to Neil and seeing that he was okay with his own eyes helped a bit. 

But it was late. He didn’t know what time. _Middle of the night_ , he guessed. At some point, they brought him a pillow and a blanket along with more food. He ignored them all, just as he did the first time. There was a soft cushioned chair in the corner he supposed suspects sat in when they were questioned and manipulated to confess to crimes they may or may not have committed. He didn’t bother. 

He kept up steady pacing instead. 

When an officer finally came to fetch him however long later, he was almost swaying on his feet. 

The pig led him to a large conference room where Abby and Neil were already sitting. Neil held out a hand to him and Andrew couldn’t see behind the paper mask they’d been given to wear, but he could tell Neil was giving him a tired smile. He took Neil’s hand and sank into the chair beside him, leaning his head against the high back and closing his eyes for just a moment. 

“What time is it?” he asked hoarsely. 

“It’s 8 in the morning,” Abby answered, voice low and probably tired herself as she looked down at her watch. “Everyone stayed in a hotel last night. We had to wait for them to get here.”

“Who?”

Before she could answer, Detectives Walsh and _Walker?_ from the FBI walked into the room together. Andrew clenched his jaw, immediately on guard. 

They both nodded to the three of them, none of whom returned the greeting. 

“Why are you here?” Neil asked Walker. He’d been the one to deal with everything from their first time around. He’d been the one to ~~give Neil his name~~ help Neil get his name. 

“Because I’ve dealt with you two before and they thought maybe I would soften your demeanor. I told them you’d both be just as unreasonable as ever, but they insisted.”

_They’re not wrong._

“Where’s Hailey?” Andrew lifted his head and glared at Walsh specifically. “We’ve been here for almost an entire 24 fucking hours. Where is she? Do you finally fucking believe we know what we’re talking about?” he demanded because he was sick of this. At this point, he didn’t care what happened, he just needed to hear that they got Hailey out.

Walsh rubbed his face and tapped the table once with his hand in a way that Andrew read as defeat. “We’re fast-tracking a detailed warrant right now. Dragged the judge out of bed and everything. We spoke to the officers who looked the first time though and it doesn’t sound like they did a thorough search. We need the warrant to lay out the proper parameters of what we can look for, and that means more than just Hailey. We’ll need to gather evidence before Eunice Johnson can get rid of it.”

“So she doesn’t know?” Neil asked. 

Walker shook his head. “Johnson is just now out of the hospital and in our custody. And though try as he might, he hasn't been able to contact anyone, nor has he asked for an attorney. He seems to think this is all a misunderstanding and he’ll be able to walk right out.”

Andrew leaned forward on the table, pulling down his sleeves over his bare arms. “Ah... You've finally come around then.”

Walker leaned back and looked at Walsh, apparently happy to let him bear the brunt of what he knew was going to be a very harsh verbal bitch slap. 

Walsh just looked down at the file in front of him, probably mulling over whatever his bullshit answer was going to be before he looked up at Andrew and Neil. “It’s not that I didn’t believe you before,” _Bullshit,_ “it’s just that there’s protocol and the department is already under so much scrutiny right now -”

“A _child went missing_ ,” Andrew hissed, feeling his lip curl, and at the same time, Neil scoffed. 

“Gee,” he said, finger on his chin, “I wonder _why._ ” His gaze sharpened. “We gave you _everything_ you fucking needed. We _tried_ to work with you from the very _minute_ we suspected who took her. You could’ve worked _with_ us, and if not to let us use your resources, then to use _us_ as _yours_ . She would’ve been home with her parents by now if it weren’t for your dicking around! It’s been _months_ and -”

“I know,” Detective Walsh sighed and his adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed. “You’re right. We should’ve done things differently, but we didn’t and here we are.”

“Oh,” Neil scoffed again, “Great. _‘Here we are’_. 9 months since she was kidnapped by a murderous bastard and that’s all you have -”

“Did you listen to the recording?” Andrew asked, cutting him off before Neil went too far with a firm grip on his hand. 

“Yes,” Walsh said, eyes flicking between the both of them. 

“And?”

“And... if we can convict him for each one of his victims, it’ll be a miracle. _But_ if we can even get a few...”

Andrew leaned back in his chair and tried to let that sink in. He’d dreamt of this moment. He’d thought a million times about how it would feel to know that they had _him_ , that they were finally being listened to. 

But Andrew didn’t feel anything. He was just... tired - Exhausted, really. He hadn’t eaten. He’d been assaulted by police officers, screamed at, ripped from Neil, and left to rot in a room for an entire twenty-four hours despite no one ever formally arresting him. 

So all he could find that he could say was, “I want to go home.” And it was to no one, but Neil. The cops had the recording... they were getting the warrant to get Hailey. There was nothing left to do and he’d done his job. He’d done it. _They’d_ done it.

_We did it._

Walker was the one to nod this time and dragged the files over to himself, setting them beside one another. “I know. We just need to get your full statements first, then you can go. We’re not going to let them charge you with anything.”

“Because you would look like idiots if you did,” Neil muttered bitterly.

“Partly, yes,” Walker admitted. “But also because there’s nothing to charge you with and anything they could come up with would be arbitrary. We’ll leave you to consult with your attorney for a few minutes, but we’ll need to take your statements separately.”

Both detectives stood to leave, Walsh with his proverbial tail between his legs as he went to the door without a single word. But Walker stopped and leaned one hand on the table as he narrowed his eyes at them. “I wiped your records clean. You tryin’ to undo all my hard work?”

Andrew dragged his eyes up at him in a glare, “Just, you know... doing the FBI’s job for them. _Again_.”

Walker rolled his eyes and sighed, something behind it that Andrew couldn’t exactly place, but sounded a lot like a small hint of admiration. “Right... Stay out of trouble. I don’t want to see your faces ever again.”

“Ditto,” Neil mumbled. 

They left them with Abby and Andrew struggled to pay attention as she went over everything with them after thumbing through both files. She reminded them what they should and should not say, and what would happen if they went with what they _should not,_ instead of _should_. 

When Walsh came back in, Andrew stood so Neil could go first. Neil stood with him and squeezed his hand, speaking quietly. “We’re almost done, okay?”

Andrew just nodded. “I’ll see you soon,” he murmured. 

Neil was still watching him when he turned back to look at him on his way out.

* * *

Neil’s head was pounding. It took forever to give his statement. They went over every little detail of every little thing - from the moment they started the investigation, to now. Abby would shake her head or interject on areas Neil had to be careful answering, so Walsh would just ask it in a different way. 

Food was brought in around what Neil assumed was lunchtime, and he managed to eat half a banana and drink some water. He hoped it helped his head. 

When they were finished, he was put back in the small interrogation room to wait, and unfortunately, that was all he could do. He curled up in the chair in the corner and tried to imagine what they could do now that this was all over. _It’ll be cold soon. Maybe the cabin will have snow early._ He closed his eyes and imagined Andrew with a beanie over his long hair, pink nose and pink cheeks and smiling. 

_I want that._

He stirred slowly when the door opened and Abby entered. 

“Neil? It’s time to go home.”

 _Home_. 

He stood and made his way over to her on weak legs. They walked to the front where Andrew was already waiting for them. Once Neil was in front of him, Andrew laid his head on Neil’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around Andrew and ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. It was only after a few quiet minutes that Andrew lifted his head to look him in the eyes. 

“We’re going home,” Neil murmured, “and going to bed.” Andrew just nodded, the circles under his eyes almost purple. 

An officer approached them just as Neil’s thumb brushed under Andrew’s left eye. “Come with me to get your things,” he said, then started to grab Andrew by the arm to lead him, but Andrew flinched away closer to Neil. 

And something snapped inside of him. “Don’t fucking touch him!” Neil snarled. The anger was so sudden, it made him feel a little dizzy. His hand curled to hold the back of Andrew’s neck and Neil put his body between him and the fucking pig. “We’ll follow where we need to go, but you don’t need to fucking touch either of us.”

“Neil,” Abby started but didn’t finish. 

“ _No_. We’ve been kept here for no reason, screamed at by cops, aggressively patted down repeatedly and I’m done. Don’t. Touch. Us.”

“I know,” Abby said with placating hands. “I agree. There’s no reason for them to touch you. I was just going to say that I can show you where to go.”

Neil couldn’t stop the glare that made his brow twinge with pain but he resolutely ignored it as he gathered Andrew as close to him as he could and followed Abby down a long hallway, glaring at anyone who dared look at them. They stopped at a window where they were given back their things - _phones, weapons, armbands._ Then they signed off for them and left the building. 

_Finally._

It was late. After 8PM considering how the sun had already sunk beneath the horizon and the sky was twinged the darkest of blues. 

“Do you want to sleep it off at the hotel, or do you want to see if we can take the plane back tonight?”

“Tonight,” Andrew said, his voice gravelly and worn from Neil’s side. “I want to go home now.”

Abby just nodded and pulled out her phone. She spoke quietly to someone while Neil and Andrew sat on a bench. Andrew pulled out his phone after finally taking off his mask. 

“Fucking hell,” he mumbled with a deep sigh. 

“What?”

“We were in TMZ. There’s a fucking picture and everything.” He handed the phone to Neil and Neil looked in a daze at a picture of the two of them, straining toward each other but being pulled apart. Their faces were bloody and scared and Andrew yelling at him to wait for Abby reverberated in Neil’s head. 

“This was a fucking cop,” Andrew said. “Someone on the scene took a picture and sold it.”

Neil handed his phone back and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his wrists while shaking his head. “I know I should care, but I don’t right now. I’m too tired.”

Andrew was the one this time to put a hand at the back of his neck and dig his fingers in. “I know. Apparently, there’s a whole hashtag ‘FreeAndreil’ campaign on twitter right now. Renee says everyone’s been sending in asks, asking if we’re okay.”

“Nice that someone cares, I guess,” Neil mumbled as Andrew quickly typed something and sent it off before shoving his phone back in his pocket. Abby hung up her own phone and made her way over. 

“Okay, I have an uber on the way. We’re going to meet everyone else at the airport we’re leaving from. It’s small and private, so we don’t have to worry about security and other delays. Stuart says he can have us in the air as soon as we’re all there and they’re cleared for take-off.”

Andrew and Neil both nodded silently. It only took a few minutes for the uber to get there, and they both sat in the back seat while Abby took the front. The drive to the airport felt like forever, but Neil didn’t really know at this point. 

Time was blending together. 

Eventually, they made it to the plane and boarded without delay. They waited another 20 minutes or so for everyone else to get there. They could hear it when they did, and the only time Andrew moved from his spot beside Neil was to get up and talk quietly to Bee who laid a hand on his arm and pulled him into a hug. Stuart approached Neil and leaned down. 

“Okay?”

Neil nodded. “Just tired.”

“We’ll have you home soon. You did good, nephew. Ramsey is likely to kill you next time he sees you, but you did good.”

“Where is Ramsey?” 

“On his way. He had to tie up a few loose ends and then he’s joining us.”

Neil assumed that meant getting rid of whatever evidence existed that he’d ever been there at all. 

Andrew approached from behind, clearing his throat like it was hard to talk and eyes dull with exhaustion or emotion that he was trying to hold back. Neil thought it was probably a bit of both. “My car...”

Stuart waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it. Authorities tried to impound it, but we intercepted before they could. It’ll be delivered to the townhouse.”

Andrew went to press his lips together but flinched a bit at the split in his lip. Instead, he clenched his jaw and nodded as Stuart stood aside so he could take his place beside Neil. 

Wymack approached them next, his face grim and bags beneath his eyes dark enough to rival Andrew’s. “You see this?” he said, pointing to the graying hair on his head. 

They didn’t answer.

“This is because of you,” he pointed his finger at them. “Cut that shit out, understood?”

They just nodded, because what else could they say? They were too tired to argue. 

Once they were left alone enough and everyone settled into their seats while they waited for Ramsey, Andrew pulled his phone out of his pocket and said, “We need to call Robin.” Neil almost wanted to tell him to wait until he’d been able to sleep, but he knew this couldn’t wait. 

The phone barely rang before she answered.

_‘Andrew?’_

“We got him.”

Robin let out what Neil thought was a sob. _‘Hailey?’_

“They’re working on a warrant right now so they can do a proper search of the house, but they know where she is. They’re going to get her as soon as they can.”

 _‘God,_ ’ Robin took a deep, shuddering breath. _‘You did it... You really did it. He’s -’_

“ _We_ did it,” Neil said from beside Andrew. “You were the catalyst for this, Robin. You gave us the important information. _You_ did this. _You_ saved her.”

Robin was quiet for a minute, the only sounds from her end were a small sniffle or two. _‘Thank you,’_ she finally said. _‘The other girls... I think... I think they can have peace now. I think their families can maybe find some, too. I think_ **_I_ ** _can find peace from this.’_

Andrew leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Neil squeezed his leg. 

“We’ll call you soon, okay? As soon as we hear anything, we’ll let you know.”

_‘Okay. Talk soon.’_

They hung up and didn’t talk for the rest of the journey. Not as they waited, not as Ramsey finally boarded the plane what felt like hours later, with a scowl for them and a kiss for Bee. They didn’t talk during take-off and as soon as the **fasten seat belt** light went off, Neil raised the armrest from between them. They curled up together the best they could and Andrew didn’t even seem to notice or care that they were on a plane, hundreds of feet in the sky. He stayed silent the entire time. 

-

They were the last off the plane when they’d finally landed a few hours later, letting everyone else unboard first. They stood with weak knees and aching legs, making their way off slowly. Bee approached and Neil headed towards Abby as he heard her asking if they needed anything. 

“Can I have that paper?”

She raised a brow at him. “Do you not have your own?”

Neil was honestly too tired to roll his eyes. “Of course I do. I just need a copy though and you happen to have one.”

Abby sighed and rifled through her bag before pulling it out. “Who else knows?”

“Renee, obviously,” Neil said. “Bee. You.”

“That’s it?”

Neil nodded. “You two, I swear,” Abby sighed and hugged him. 

~~It felt nice to have people care about them so much.~~

Neil thanked her before making his way over to Stuart. He was talking to the driver of the car when Neil waved him over and handed him the paper. Stuart looked at it with furrowed brows before his face cleared and he lifted his brown eyes to meet Neil’s, a smile on his lips. 

“Yeah?”

Neil just nodded. Stuart laughed lowly, shook his head, and ruffled his hair. “Took you long enough.”

Neil just shrugged. He could explain everything, but frankly, he didn’t have the energy right now and he didn’t think he really needed to with Stuart anyway. 

Eventually, he joined Andrew again just as Bee was getting into a car with Ramsey. 

“Come on,” Abby told them, hand on Neil’s shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “David and I will drive you home.”

They slid into the backseat and no one spoke on the way. 

* * *

When they walked through the front door to their _home_ , Andrew felt like he was dreaming. Everything was exactly as they’d left it - his purple blanket on the floor instead of the couch, his weights in the middle of the living room where he’d left them, their research spread out over the coffee table. He felt like everything had changed when they stepped off that plane, but here, in this space, it was like none of it ever happened. 

That was both settling and unnerving at the same time. 

The cats came to eagerly greet them and they each scooped one up as they made their way upstairs. Logically, Andrew knew he should probably take a shower, that it would make him feel better, but he hadn’t the energy. Instead, they changed into sleeping clothes and slid under the blankets. Andrew scooted as close as he could to Neil, who opened his arms automatically and pulled him in. Andrew took the invitation, laying his head on Neil’s shoulder and burying his face in his neck,

Before he completely fell apart. 

The first sob was choked, unfamiliar and foreign. It was the one that’d been threatening him from the moment the cops put their hands on him. It had sat in his throat the entire time like he’d dry swallowed a pill. 

The others came in a wave. 

Neil pulled him closer and put his chin atop his head, rubbing his back and kissing his hair and whispering, “ _You’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe_ .” And the thing about that was Andrew believed him. He _knew_ he was safe here with this man. 

_With my husband_. 

And that’s why he could let himself fall apart like this. Even when he’d lost his careful control when Bee came to the hospital what felt like forever ago, he’d tried to hide from her - he’d tried to quell _it_. But not here... Here in Neil’s arms, he was powerless to stop the breakdown that had been building and rising for the better part of his life, and he found he didn’t really care to. 

They’d done what they set out to do and all these months of worry and stress and triggering trauma just came pouring out. He’d almost lost Neil during this investigation. He’d almost lost himself. He’d learned so much and come so far and loved, loved, loved, he loved and he _was_ loved and it was all so much. 

It was too much. 

Neil’s shirt was soaked with his tears and probably snot, but Neil didn’t care. He just kept rubbing Andrew’s back, kept whispering in his ear soft, reassuring nothings that felt like absolutely _everything_ in that moment. 

They fell asleep like that, with Andrew’s head pounding and feeling rubbed raw and wrung dry - limbs heavy and eyes closed with salt on his lips and Neils chin on his head. They fell asleep curled around each other with the sheets tangled around their legs and the cats warming their backs. 

And Andrew did not dream. 

* * *

They slept the entire day. They’d gotten back to Palmetto in the early hours of the morning and went straight to bed. It was the next morning when Neil woke up absolutely starving. 

Andrew was still asleep. Neil watched the smooth planes of his face. He looked peaceful, and Neil was glad. Andrew had cried himself to sleep on top of Neil, and Neil thought it was probably exactly what they’d both needed. Andrew cried into Neil’s chest and Neil cried into Andrew’s hair and they held each other through it. He just felt so incredibly grateful that this was how they were handling everything instead of pretending like it was all fine. 

He kissed Andrew once on the forehead after brushing his hair off his face before heading downstairs. He fed and loved on the cats, then started breakfast. That, at least, he could do. He’d managed to learn bacon and eggs and even waffles after a lot of bad batches and a determination to feed Andrew breakfast in bed. 

As the skillet sizzled with the last strips of bacon, King basked in the morning sun, and Sir kept vigil at his feet hoping for scraps, Andrew finally descended the stairs. His hair was a mess and even though his eyes were a little red and his lip just a bit swollen where his cut was, he looked... better. Neil smiled at him. 

“Here, babe. Go sit, I have breakfast.” He nodded his chin to the kitchen table and this time, Andrew didn’t argue - didn’t complain about Neil feeding him. He sat down at the place Neil had set for him, a cup of steaming coffee already ready and warming between his hands by the time Neil turned around and dished up his plate. 

And he couldn’t help but think of the day they’d broken up... When he tried to feed Andrew after everything that happened in New York, and it all ended in smashed plates, harsh words, and broken hearts. 

There were no smashed plates now. 

No harsh words. 

No broken hearts. 

Only Andrew eating with a determined concentration that told Neil he probably didn’t really want to be eating, but knew he had to. 

“How are you feeling...?” Neil asked him, sitting in front of his own food and _definitely not_ dropping a corner of bacon for Sir as he pulled his knees to his chest and picked up his own mug. 

Andrew swallowed a bite and took a sip of coffee, mulling it over to answer honestly. “I’m okay. Better, I think.” His eyes raised to look up at him. “You okay?”

Neil just nodded and raised his coffee to his nose. He almost sloshed it down his front when he tried to take a sip and Andrew’s phone rang. He held it up. It was a New York number. 

“What.”

_‘Minyard, it’s Walsh.’_

They both locked eyes over the table and Andrew held out his hand. Neil automatically took it. 

_‘We got her.’_

And Neil barely registered what he was doing as he was already out of his seat, rushing to Andrew’s side, and kneeling on the floor in front of him with both arms wrapped around his waist. Andrew hugged his head, still ever so careful of the stitches in his brow, and took a few harsh breaths. 

_‘Minyard?’_

“Here,” he said. “I”m here. What can you tell me?”

_‘This is all off the record. I really shouldn’t be telling you anything, but just feels like you should know.’_

“Yes, off the record.”

_‘We served the warrant and found her in a hidden room under the floors. According to what we’ve gleaned from her and the mother, Hailey has basically been there the entire time. She seems unharmed. When we asked if she’d been hurt, she just said she’d lost her glasses. She’s confused, but I really don’t think he had much contact with her.’_

Neil squeezed him harder. That, of course, didn’t mean she hadn’t been hurt. 

But it was something. 

“Her parents?”

_‘Are on their way to Delaware. They’re emotional, as is expected... They’ll be reunited in a few hours.’_

“Thank you,” Neil said, lifting his head so his voice was clear. “Thank you for letting us know.”

“You need to pin his ass to the wall,” Andrew said, voice hard and jaw tight. “You need to get him for the other girls, too. I don’t want to read he got off easy in some sort of plea or some shit.”

Walsh sighed, but it sounded like it was in more agreement than anything. _‘We’ll do everything we can.’_

“Make sure that you do. And Jeffrey Arlington?”

_‘As soon as we’re able. It may take a while, but we’re going to get him out as soon as possible.’_

“Then I guess we’re done here.”

Walsh hummed quietly. _‘There is a chance you’ll be called to testify. I really have no idea, but it’s a possibility, so just be ready.’_

“We will,” Andrew answered, and hung up the phone.

Neil looked up at him from his spot in front of the chair. Andrew’s eyes, though red, were clear and they were _gold_ and Andrew leaned down and kissed him. Once, twice. And though he slightly winced, it didn’t stop him from lingering on the third. 

“I’m going to meet up with Robin,” he said, breaking the kiss. “Tell her in person.” 

“Good plan.” He nodded. But then, “So... I guess it’s over. _Really_ over now.”

Andrew ran a hand through his hair and let out a slow breath. “I guess it is.” Neil stood and sat back down in his seat. 

“Is now when we talk about _what_ now? You told me when all this was over, we’d talk about season three -”

”And how you don’t want to do it.”

Neil nodded because he didn’t. Not just for himself though... He reached a hand across the table and took Andrew’s again. 

“You’ve been fighting for other people your entire life, Drew. When I met you, you didn’t want to leave Cass’s house because you didn’t want any more kids to have to go through what you went through. You left juvie just to come to South Carolina - across the entire country - and fight Aaron’s battles. You fought Nicky’s battles... You’ve fought the public’s battles against corrupt corporations and institutions. You fought _my_ battle against my father. You fought Hailey’s and Robin’s. Andrew... when are you going to fight for _yourself_?”

Andrew was quiet. Contemplative. He lifted Neil’s hand and kissed it. _A thank you_ , Neil thought. 

“Can I show you what I’ve been working on?”

“Of course,” Neil said automatically. He knew Andrew had been writing something, but he hadn’t asked what. Not yet, at least. He wanted to wait until things were settled. Andrew stood from his chair and left the room, coming back only a moment later with a notebook in his hands. 

It was the one Neil had gotten him for Christmas. 

_“ The Death and Life of Andrew J. Minyard ,” he read, quietly. Still running his fingers over the thick leather cover, he asked, “What is this?”_

_Neil inhaled a deep breath. “It’s a journal. For your story. I know you’re always writing, and this is for your journey... or whatever else you want it for, I guess. But I was serious when I said you should write a book. How far you’ve come is important, Andrew. People are always asking for your advice and thanking you for being so open about some of the things you went through. I think it might be cathartic for you to get it down and I honestly think it’d help a lot if people realize things can get better, even when it seems like they never will.”_

_Andrew looked back down at the book. He opened it and fanned the pages, bringing it close to his nose so he could smell them like he always did when he was shopping for books._

_“How’s it smell?” Neil asked._

_“Like paper.”_

_“Just as I planned, then.”_

_“Why the Death and Life ?” Andrew asked._

_Neil rubbed the back of his neck. At the time, he’d tried to think of what to put there, and this had just felt... right? Now, he wondered if it was all wrong. “Because... you didn’t really get to live before, did you? It was like a tiny death. But now you’re living. Now, you have a life and freedom to do whatever you want. See?”_

Neil’s heart gave a tiny flip. He found that he was almost unreasonably excited about whatever it was Andrew was about to tell him. He watched as he flipped open the book, sat back down in his chair, and pulled out the Grand Canyon postcard - the very one Neil had held onto for all those years. The one that said _Andrew Doe_ on the back and **_Wish You Were Here_ ** emblazoned on the front, faded and bent, but still there. 

“Do you remember when we got the ask about the times we thought about each other after the Grand Canyon?”

“Yes..?” Neil replied, eyes trailing from the postcard and up to Andrew’s face, unsure of where this was going. 

Andrew inhaled a deep breath and said on the exhale, “I want to write that book.” And Neil watched his eyes just... light up. “I want to write our meeting and then I want to write about my life, but I want to frame it in all the moments I thought about you. When I was with Cass, when I was in juvie, when I was with Tilda and the hospital after Nicky - I thought about you, Neil... all these moments I thought about you and I want to write that.”

Neil opened his mouth, unsure what to even say because -

Andrew interrupted him before he could get anything out or even really stitch together any coherent thoughts. “I want you to write it with me.”

 _What?_ Neil blinked. “What?”

“You said you thought about me, too, right?”

Neil shook his head, eyes squinting and brow slightly twinging with dull pain because, “Of course I did.” So many times... So many fucking times he thought about Andrew and wondered if he’d made it out. “But Andrew... I’m not a writer.”

“I’ll write it,” Andrew replied automatically and he was _excited_. “I’ll write it all down. All you have to do is tell me your story. We can have one from each of our points of view in the chapter.”

“Starting with the Grand Canyon,” Neil said. Andrew nodded. “And ending?”

Andrew shrugged. “I don’t know yet. Wherever we want it to.”

“Starting at _‘Don’t call me AJ’_ and ending with ‘ _I do_ ’...?”

Andrew smiled and it was slow and growing and it was _beautiful_. “Maybe.”

Neil found himself smiling too because this had been an amazing, wonderful, warm secret between them. So few people knew and it hadn’t been a hard decision, really. The night before they left to go to Newark to finally look at the blue house, they’d laid in bed and talked about it. It really was a logical decision. They knew they were walking into something dangerous and previously they’d talked to Abby about writing it down somewhere that they were each other’s medical proxies, creating wills and trusts for each other. 

None of which would be necessary if they were married. 

At the end of the first season when they’d been in the hospital, it was like pulling fucking teeth to get any information, and it’d only taken Bee to finally get them in the same room. Neither of them wanted to deal with that again. Not to mention, Abby had also discussed possible custody of Bella and Dylan with them. In the very unlikely event that anything happened, it would be easy for someone, say Katelyn’s parents, to fight Andrew for custody. He was a single man living with another single man. Married, they were a stable unit.

So, they’d stopped at a courthouse in North Carolina where there was no waiting period and got married with a justice of the peace and two courthouse witnesses. 

It took less than an hour. 

The piece of paper didn’t really change anything. They would’ve been in it for the long haul regardless. But now? Now they had an extra layer of security and honestly?

Neil liked calling Andrew his husband.

“I’m in,” Neil finally said. And oh.

_Oh._

Andrew’s smile was everything.

* * *

It was nice up here. The sun was high in the sky, but it wasn’t oppressively hot as fall quickly approached. The campus was as busy as it could be during a pandemic, majority masked students milling here and there for classes they could not complete online. Andrew sat on the roof of Fox Tower, staring out over the campus like he’d done a million times before as an angry teenager, an angry adult. 

_A happy adult._

He heard the door open and close but didn’t turn. Robin sat next to him and let her feet dangle over the edge. 

She always had been braver than him. 

In the time that he’d been up here, he’d been thinking of exactly how to say what he was going to tell her. In the end, he didn’t mince words as he said, “They found her. She’s probably with her parents by now.”

He turned to look at her and watched as Robin closed her eyes and tilted her head toward the sky, letting the vaguely autumnal breeze blow across her face. 

“How was she when they found her?”

“According to Walsh, she seemed unharmed. Apparently, she’d been with his mother for the majority of the time.”

Robin nodded slowly. “That’s good then, right? Maybe... maybe it wasn’t as bad for her. I hope it wasn’t as bad for her.”

“Me, too,” he agreed. “But she’s home with people that love her now. That’s important.”

He’d never really known how important until Bee. 

_Until Neil._

Robin nodded. “She’s going to be okay.”

Andrew thought so, too.

“So,” Robin sighed, bumping her shoulder with his. “Season 3?”

Andrew pressed his lips together, the pain in the split now a dull and annoying throb as he shook his head, “No. I can’t do another season. I really, really wish I could - I _feel_ like I should. But...”

“You can’t.”

Andrew nodded. Neil was right. He’d spent so much time worrying about and taking care of others, that he’d neglected himself. He’d been better about that these past few months with regular therapy and really _wanting_ it. But this case almost broke him and he couldn’t do that again. Surprisingly, he just wanted a quiet life with Neil. He wanted to write in the office while the cats basked in the sun. He wanted to go out for drinks with the team. He wanted to sit outside with Kevin and listen to him talk about exy because that’s all he ever fucking talked about, but Andrew didn’t mind so much - even if he’d give him shit for it (which he would). 

He wanted to do all that and not worry about another _big bad_ looking over his shoulder. 

_“_ I’m glad,” Robin told him, a smile curving on her lips. “You need to take care of yourself. I’ve been worried about you... You and Neil both.”

Andrew shook his head. “Nope. We are the last thing you need to worry about. Worry about school and exy and friends. How’s Tao?”

Robin’s smile grew and it was light. “They’re... really amazing.”

Tao was Robin’s best friend. As far as Andrew knew, they’d been pretty inseparable since Robin had attended a meeting of the Pride Student Union. She had the support of the team of course, but the fact that Robin was like a little sister to all of them made them more protective and familial than anything. Tao was a friend her own age that helped her adjust to campus life and really, life in general. 

Andrew just raised a brow at her and she just shrugged, biting her lip. “I don’t know... I’ve had to think about a lot of things lately. I’m ace, I know that. And I have no interest in physical relationships.”

“But romantic relationships?”

Robin covered her face and Andrew’s chest warmed at the sight. “I don’t know! I don’t know. All I know is I really love hanging out with them. Sometimes it feels like more than that, but it doesn’t matter. This friendship is important.”

That warmth in his chest stayed for a moment or two longer before he felt it leach away as he looked down at his hands, contemplating. 

“What is it?” she asked.

“I want to tell you something that happened with Gary when we confronted him... An exchange between us, regarding you. I won’t tell you if you don’t want me to, but I just feel like maybe you’d appreciate knowing.”

Robin thought about it for a minute, looking down at her own hands instead of up at the sky. Eventually, she nodded her head. 

Andrew took a deep breath, closed his eyes to make sure everything was lined up properly in his head, before saying, “I told him he was nothing, and he told me to ask you if he was nothing. I told him you were living a life - that you were happy and successful. That he didn’t break you.” His eyes opened to look back out over campus, at the wide expanse, bright in the light of the South Carolinian afternoon. “I meant it when I said you’d never move past it. It’ll be with you forever. And I feel so good right now, Robin. I feel strong and healthy. But I know that could change tomorrow. It’s up and down, you know?” He made the motion of a wave with his hand. “But even when it goes back down, I still have this life. Bee and Neil and the team. I just really want you to know that even if things get hard again, you still have this life. You have your parents and Tao and school.”

“And the team,” Robin smiled.

“Always the team,” Andrew agreed. “You’re stronger than I ever was Robin. I just wanted you to know that I told him that. I told him he didn’t win.”

Robin’s eyes filled, but the tears didn’t fall. “Can I hug you..?”

Andrew found that he didn’t really need to ask himself if she could. Today, he was mentally sound and secure and he was _good_ . And yes, while that could all change tomorrow, he was still _okay_ today. So, he turned and hugged her back. 

“Thank you,” She whispered into his shoulder. 

“You’re welcome.”

-

Andrew avoided any of the others on his way back down to his car. He didn’t want to talk about what happened yet - didn’t want to rehash everything. He felt better since he had his meltdown and for the past few hours, he was waiting for the rush of shame and embarrassment to accompany that thought. But it didn’t. He found that he didn’t really care… It had been a purging of his entire fucking soul and he’d desperately needed it. 

_Still._

He didn’t want to answer questions right now. He needed more time to decompress. They had let the team know that they were okay, thanked them for holding everything down and offering their support, and told them they’d be back when they were ready. 

He didn’t know when that would be, but he knew it would at least be soon. 

He slid into the driver’s seat of the Mas and patted the wheel fondly. He didn’t know how Stuard had done it, but it was waiting for him in the driveway when he’d finally woken up, shiny like it was recently washed and buffed. 

He put a call to the bluetooth in his car. 

_‘Minyard, what the hell happened? Are you in prison? Because we always thought you might end up in prison, but then how do you have your cell phone?’_

Andrew’s lips twitched. “Just broke out, actually. TV makes it look like all the guys in prison are super hot, but I’ve found that’s not the case.”

_‘So you did break out? That checks out.’_

Andrew shook his head and allowed himself to chuckle just because he wanted to. “Actually, I’m calling to give you an update. I’m not supposed to be telling anyone this but you know. ACAB. We got him.”

Alvarez audibly gasped. ‘ _No shit?’_ she whispered breathlessly, then he heard her yelling to Dermott, _‘Babe! Babe get the fuck in here!’_ From his end, he heard her mumble something, and then they were both talking at once. 

_‘What happened?’_ Dermott demanded.

“I can’t get into it.” _I don’t have the fucking energy._ “I just wanted you to know that the cops have him, Hailey is safe, and I made sure the detective in charge knows he needs to deal with the Arlington situation.”

 _‘Oh my god...’_ Dermott said quietly. _‘Andrew... I just. We’re so grateful. He’s spent so long suffering for a crime he didn’t commit, all while grieving the death of his child.’_

“You two have done a lot here,” Andrew said. “Tell him for me, okay? Tell him it’s being worked on.”

_‘We absolutely will. Can we have you on the show when everything’s out to talk about it?’_

And at that, Andrew chewed on his bottom lip. He wanted to answer honestly, so he did. “I don’t know. Call me when that time comes and we’ll see.”

After a few more exchanges, he hung up with them and took a deep breath. Right now, the thought of rehashing everything seemed really fucking awful. He didn’t want to think about it... he didn’t want to think about a gun pointed at Neil or blood dripping down his face or even himself, bent over Gary Johnson and calling him Steven. 

He didn’t want to think about any of it. And that’s why he hadn’t posted on the website yet. They didn’t want to deal with all the speculation and questions just yet. 

When he got home, he walked into their house and breathed it in. It smelled like books and bacon from breakfast, dark roast coffee, the last batch of muffins he’d made a few days ago in a brief spiral, and _home_. 

“Husband!” Neil called from upstairs. “Are you home?”

Andrew’s smile was slow and small, that warmth back in his chest and it felt permanent. Rolling his eyes with absolutely no mirth, he closed the door behind him. Neil had switched from calling him _babe_ to calling him _husband_ just to annoy him and Andrew did not hate it. 

“Yeah,” he called. “I’m home.”

* * *

They still hadn’t talked to anyone the next day. Neil had caught up on school work. He’d missed a test and Andrew kept telling him to email his professor, but he didn’t know how to say, _‘Sorry, I was being held by police for questioning’_ without sounding like he’d been held by police for questioning.

Overall, he wasn’t really concerned about it. Maybe he should’ve been, but it just didn’t seem that important. 

He and Andrew had talked more about the book and the moments they wanted to include. Surprisingly, there were a lot. Neil thought they’d shared almost everything there was to share, but it turned out there was so much more - little moments he’d been hiding, moments he’d been sure he was going to die and the only thing he could think about was _honey gold_ and ‘ _because I just told you, idiot_ ’.

They stopped when it started to get too heavy, neither of them in the right headspace for that just yet. 

Sitting together in the big armchair, Neil felt Andrew breath as he sat with his back to his chest and Andrew’s arm around his waist as the other held a book. It was quiet, so quiet...

“Read it out loud,” Neil murmured, eyes feeling heavy. 

_“And so time goes as it should and events that were once fated to happen are left instead to chance, and Chance never falls in love with anything for long. But the world is strange and endings are not truly endings no matter how the stars might wish it so. Occasionally Fate can pull itself together again. And Time is always waiting*.”_

His voice was a deep rumble against Neil’s skin. It was comforting and safe and-

He was interrupted when Neil’s phone rang. “Nooooo,” Neil whimpered sleepily. Andrew just huffed a laugh and dug in Neil’s pocket for his phone, pulling it out and looking at the caller ID. He nudged Neil to look and when he saw that it was **blocked** he just sighed and nodded. Andrew swiped to answer and put it on speaker. 

“Yes, Ichirou?”

_‘I hear you succeeded in capturing Gary Johnson.’_

Neil rolled his eyes. “He’s in police custody, yes. The information Sato gave us was invaluable. We appreciate you making that happen.”

_‘I must admit it was for my own benefit as well. I did not want that man running around with connections to the Moriyama name, and Sato betrayed me. I wanted him to know his efforts were in vain.’_

“I’m sure he died very angry.”

_‘He did. I also wanted to tell you about Moreau.’_

_Jean._ Andrew went still behind him. “What about him?”

_‘He was let go from Raven Academy. I hear the staff is sad to see him go, he was apparently an excellent French teacher.’_

“Let go? So he’s just... free?”

Ichirou sighed like he was bored. _‘If that’s how you’d like to phrase it, I suppose. Although I resent the notion that he was shackled to a desk.’_

“Except he basically was,” but, “I’m glad. Any word on where he’s headed?”

_‘If he’s smart he’ll be back on the first plane to France, but I find I don’t particularly care.’_

Neil shook his head. “So benevolent.”

_‘I was ready to lean on the Newark Police, you know. Remind the ones under my influence who exactly pays for their kids piano lessons.’_

_Of course he was._ Of course he had members of the Newark PD under his control and on his payroll. Naturally. _What’s a corrupt system without an extra dash of crime lord?_

“Ichirou,” Neil sighed. “The absolute last thing we fucking need is to owe you one. We’re even with the information from Sato and you know... how you tried to have Lola murder us. That’s it. We’re done. I hope I never have to see your face ever again.” He could feel Andrew silently laughing at his back. “Also, your brother is an asshole and I hope he gets COVID.”

Neil hung up and Andrew bit his neck, still laughing. “That fucking mouth,” he murmured against Neil’s skin.

“It’s amazing, I know.”

“Mmmm.” Andrew kissed over the spot he’d bit.

“I have something for you,” Neil said quietly, eyes fluttering closed at the swipe of Andrew’s tongue.

Andrew just kissed him again. “Yeah? Does it involve dicks?”

Neil laughed and pushed him away. “Stay here.” He untangled himself from Andrew and went to the window seat that looked out over their front yard. He lifted the top and picked up a small box he’d hidden there last week. Looking down at it, he realized how small, yet fucking gigantic it was. 

He turned to face Andrew who had a furrowed brow. When he saw what was in Neil’s hand, his forehead smoothed out and he got up from the chair, heading upstairs. 

Neil blinked and for one horrible moment, he thought this was Andrew rejecting him - telling him he didn’t want this. 

But when Andrew came downstairs a moment later with his own small yet fucking gigantic box, Neil laughed. 

“How did we manage this without telling each other?”

Andrew just shrugged, turning the box over and over in his hands. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to. I know it’s still quiet…”

“I feel like we have to tell the team now that Abby knows. I don’t know... I just feel like it’ll come out eventually. We might as well get it over with.”

Andrew looked up at him, eyebrow raised.

“ _Okay_ and I kind of just want to wear it. Happy?”

“You have no idea.”

Together, they sat on the window seat across from one another. Neil opened his box and pulled out a white gold band. It was simple. He didn’t think Andrew would want anything flashy or over the top. This was just for _them_. Andrew pulled out his own and Neil smiled to see it was strikingly similar to the one he held. 

“Ready?” he asked.

Andrew responded by taking Neil’s left hand and placing a kiss on his finger before sliding the ring on. It fit perfectly... And Neil stared at it for a moment, happiness threatening to burst out of him in a laugh or a sob or a scream, he didn’t know. So he took a shuddering breath instead, and reached for Andrew’s left hand, sliding the ring in place. 

And then, all they could do was stare for a minute at both of their hands together. Neil’s dark, spotted with freckles and still-red scars made by Lola, and Andrew’s pale with pale scars from split knuckles and chipped black nails - both littered with their force of will to survive. It was silly, maybe. Neil knew Andrew always said he didn’t get the point of marriage, and after seeing what his mother went through, Neil could see the logic in that. But this?

This was logical, too. They had any number of reasons as to why this was smart in the long run - a business transaction, almost. But behind all that was something more. 

_We belong now._ They both had a spot inside each other where they were safe and secure. He belonged to Andrew and after a life of belonging nowhere, of running and hiding and just trying to survive, this was something so monumentally huge for him. 

For both of them. 

Because now Andrew had that, too. After living his own life of being shuffled around and abused and neglected... here was where he landed. Bee was a safe space, of course. But there was something wholly different about having a partner like this and knowing that you shared a life.

Suddenly, Andrew stood and scooped Neil up. He shrieked. “Drew, what the fuck!”

“I’m carrying you over the threshold.”

“Isn’t the threshold the front door?”

Andrew didn’t slow down. “Let’s pretend it’s the door to our bedroom.”

He started up the stairs, Neil cradled in his arms, and although Andrew was strong and had thrown Neil around to his absolute and utter delight more than once, stairs were tricky when you were carrying something taller than you.

Andrew stumbled on a step and almost dropped Neil, but managed to catch himself, both of them laughing. “I swear to god if you drop me, I want a divorce.”

“I’ll make sure you land on your head so you don’t remember.”

Somehow, they finally made it to the bedroom. Andrew threw him on the bed and climbed on top of him. Neil could feel his smile in the kiss, both of them still almost laughing and right on the brink of elation. 

The kisses grew deeper and clothes became scarcer. They moved together languidly, motions they’d grown to know so well over the last few months. The way Andrew took his time prepping Neil, the way he shuddered when Neil played with his nipple piercings, the way they always knew when it was time. 

It was time now and Neil let himself be positioned - let himself be pulled down closer to Andrew with his knees hooked over his elbows, Andrew’s biceps flexing. Neil felt so small next to him, and he fucking _lived_ for every second of it. 

Andrew pushed forward slowly - always slowly and carefully, always watching Neil’s face. Neil bit his lip and let the sensation wash over him. He loved this connection. Every single time it was like he’d forgotten how good it was. 

Andrew started moving in earnest and Neil let his eyes flutter closed, panting with each thrust. “Fuck,” he moaned. “Fuck Andrew. I love your cock I swear to god it’s so fuckin’ _thick_.” He was babbling. He always babbled but he didn’t know how to make himself stop. “S’like pasta.”

Andrew’s hips stuttered. “What?” he panted, trying to get his rhythm back.

“Pasta,” Neil said, trying to make Andrew go faster with a hand on his hip. “You know,” _pant, pant_ , “When you have a forkful of pasta - god fuck right there - and you know it’s too much but you eat it anyway and you’re so fucking full…”

Andrew stopped moving and Neil opened his eyes. “What?”

Andrew lost it. His face broke and he laughed... And then Neil laughed. 

And then they were laying there with Andrew still inside him laughing so fucking hard. Andrew dropped his head to Neil’s chest. “Fucking pasta.”

“It’s true!”

Andrew lifted his head and kissed Neil hard, and when he leaned back to look him in the eye Neil moved the hair that was in his face behind his ear. They stared at each other grinning until Andrew started moving again, slower this time. He brushed a curl off Neil’s forehead and kissed him there gently, mindful of the still-healing cut in his brow. 

“You need a haircut.”

* * *

A few days later, they finally relented to Dan demanding a team meeting. They’d been busy spending their time completely ignoring the outside world; regrouping and staying firmly in their bubble where they knew they were safe. 

They drove to the studio together on Saturday, Andrew’s left hand on Neil’s thigh and talking about nothing important. The book Andrew was reading, Neil’s math test, a possible road trip they were thinking about. 

They walked in with the cats in their arms, laughing about King sneak attacking Sir that morning and Sir enacting revenge before they left the house. Andrew was just setting King down when they reached the lounge where everyone waited. Neil let Sir hop out of his arms beside her and laced his fingers with Andrew’s, pulling him towards a couch. 

“They’re alive!” Dan called. Everyone was there. The entire team plus Wymack, Abby, Kevin, and Brianna. Matt and Dion were talking with Robin and admiring the mask she wore with an ace flag on the front. They all turned to look at them and everyone started talking at once. Andrew held his hands up to ward off the godforsaken noise. 

That was a mistake. 

“What. The fuck.”

The room went quiet and turned to Seth, who’s eyes were zeroed in on Andrew’s ring. 

“What the fuck?” Matt said.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Seth said/screamed again. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Andrew dragged his eyes to Neil who grinned sheepishly. “Surprise..?”

“NO!” Seth blinked quickly and gestured wildly at both of them. “I was very SPECIFIC when I fucking TOLD Y’ALL that you BETTER NOT get married BEFORE ME. This... this a fuckin BETRAYAL.” His voice lowered into a whisper of disbelief. “I was gonna have you in my wedding... No more. _Nope_. Gonna fuckin announce you’re pregnant during the reception -”

“Seth, it’s fine, I’ve had my tubes tied,” Neil said placatingly, and everyone including Andrew (‘ _pfft’-_ ed instead) laughed.

“Okay, Okay!” Dan called, both of her hands up and lowering them, palm down for them to quiet. “Seth, get over it. We need the entire story now and before you say no, we _have_ to know. Like, honestly,” she scoffed, “I’m not even that surprised. Are y’all surprised?” She looked around skeptically. 

Brianna raised her hand. “I’m a little surprised.”

“I am SHOCKED,” Seth said. “SHOCKED and APPALLED.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal,” Neil groaned, but Andrew knew that response was more put on than anything else. “We stopped at a courthouse in North Carolina when we went to look at the Newark house the first time. It just made sense, legally. We were going into a situation that could be dangerous for both of us and if something happened to one or both of us, this would cover it.”

“Bip, boom, bop, bob's your uncle, just gonna get _fuckin married-_ ” Seth mumbled, his lips screwed up and head tilting side to side mockingly, but it was honestly just funny. 

“That’s it?” Matt asked over him, brows raised. “That’s the only reason you decided to get married?”

“We don’t all need to be swept off our feet, Boyd. I’m sure Dan’s back is tired of carrying your gigantic ass.” 

“My back is fine, thanks,” Dan said. Then shrugged her shoulders and dropped her hands on her hips. “Well, congratulations! This is... wow. I don’t even know.”

“It’s good,” Andrew provided because it was. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but it was a good thing.

Dan nodded, her eyes crinkling around her mask. “It’s good. So this is the first time you’re telling anyone?”

“Renee knew. Abby and Bee both knew.”

Allison looked at Renee, her jaw dropped and red lips hanging open. “You _knew_ this whole time and you didn’t tell me?! Rey, I’m hurt!”

Renee just laughed and pushed her shoulder into Allison’s. “Oh, stop. It wasn’t mine to tell. I’m happy for you two,” she said looking at them. “Really.” Her eyes landed on Andrew, and something passed between them. She hadn’t said much when he initially told her, perhaps knowing it wasn’t the time. But here she was saying it. 

She was proud of him.

_She’s proud of me._

“Alright,” Wymack grumbled, rubbing his temples. He didn’t seem surprised, so Andrew assumed Abby had told him. “Let’s move on to actual business. What can you tell us about what happened?”

_Easier than I thought._

“You heard the recording?”

The team just nodded, settling into their seats. Seth still had his arms crossed over his chest and his face still had a small pout on it, but he was listening. 

“Then that’s what happened. We followed him there, confronted him, got taken in by the cops, and I’m sure Abby’s told you the rest. This stays between us because the media hasn’t picked it up yet and I’m sure her family would like the privacy while they have it, _but_ they found Hailey. She’s been returned to her parents.”

And then, the room erupted again. Everyone clapped and hugged and that broke Seth’s pout as he grabbed onto Dion and Andrew was sure he was crying into Dion’s shoulder. Robin just smiled at him, because she already knew and because they’d already said everything they needed to about it. 

“We want to thank you guys,” Neil said once everyone settled again. He squeezed Andrew’s hand tight. “For all the support and help you gave us during this case. It was really fucking hard for us, and I know it was for you, too. We couldn’t have made it happen without you.”

Dan wiped away a tear as Matt kissed her on the head. “So,” she said, taking a deep breath, “Season three?”

That question kept coming up and he found that he felt better and better about the decision the more he answered it. Andrew just shook his head and the room went truly quiet. “We’re done. We’ve talked about it and… I just honestly don’t have it in me.” He shrugged one shoulder looking down at his ring. “I will always help and fight for missing and exploited children, but not in this context.”

Everyone nodded solemnly, except for Seth, his voice wet and a sniffle scattered throughout. “Thank god, honestly... I can’t either. My heart can’t take this shit. Y’all gotta almost die at the end of every season I guess, so I’m out anyway. I got a wedding to plan.”

“Amen!” Dion said. 

And with that, easy as anything, they broke. Everyone mingled and talked, trying to keep their distance still with their masks on and just... It really was easy, wasn’t it? Andrew guessed that’s what you got when you had a strong unit of... _friends_ to support you and your endeavors. They all had worked so hard on these two cases and instead of feeling guilt over not continuing, Andrew just felt relief. 

It was nice. 

Andrew and Neil didn’t make a move to get up, content with watching until Kevin and Brianna joined them after a few minutes. 

“Jean called,” Kevin said with no preamble. 

“Did he?” Andrew asked casually.

“Yeah. He did. Said he was done with the Moriyamas... Said he didn’t know what happened but that he wanted to see me. Meet up before he tried to go home to France.” 

Kevin and Andrew just stared at each other for a moment, and Andrew found himself nodding after nearly a full minute. Kevin let out a harsh breath and clasped his hands between his knees as he sat on the coffee table and Brianna leaned against his side. “I won’t tell him it was you.”

“Good.”

And that was all they said on the subject - all they needed to say. Andrew didn’t think it was right that Moreau was being held, but he didn’t particularly care about him either. He did care about Kevin, though. 

“So...” Kevin said, looking at Neil and trying to fight a grin as he changed the subject. 

“Is it official?”

Kevin nodded, the smile breaking free and this smile was different from his public-Kevin-smile. This one was of pure joy and it was... it was nice to see.

~~_Getting so, so, so fucking soft._ ~~

“They’re hoping they can get something started in the spring. I signed the contract yesterday.”

Neil barked a laugh and clapped him on the back. “That’s fucking amazing, Kev. Or, I guess I should say Coach Day? Does Robin know?”

Kevin shook his head. “Not yet. There’s going to be an announcement. I want her to be surprised.”

“She’s gonna flip,” Brianna said. Squeezing Kevin’s face in her hand, she kissed his cheek through her mask. “You’re gonna be amazing.”

He looked back at them, a slight blush on his face. 

Andrew just raised a brow at him and nudged his shin with the toe of his boot. “Wow, Kev. A whole team of people you get to criticize until they break.”

“I know! I’m really looking forward to it. And Neil… there was something I wanted to ask you.”

Neil just stared at him, waiting. 

“They said I can pick my assistant coach…”

Neil stiffened and Andrew squeezed his hand, watching as Neil’s eyes went wide and he slowly shook his head. “No... Kevin - I _can’t_ coach. I’ve never even played professionally! Or,” he scoffed, “On a _college_ level. That... no. I can’t. Would they even _let_ you do that?! I’m a student at the school, is that even allowed?”

Kevin just shrugged. “They already agreed. I know you hate it, but your name has clout. Not in exy, true. But the school is hurting after losing out on the money from the regular sports seasons. They think having you on will get more people in the stands just to see what you do.”

“Oh, cool. No pressure then.” Neil rolled his eyes, but Andrew had a finger on Neil’s wrist and he could feel how wildly his heart was beating.

“I know, but listen. You’re the most naturally talented player I’ve ever met. I’m very analytical. I have to calculate every move I make on the court. I’m good at that don’t get me wrong, I’m a great fucking player.” Andrew rolled his eyes this time. “But I think you’ll be able to spot things that I won’t because of how instinctually you play. You’d be an incredible asset.”

“But -” Neil sputtered, “What if I’m awful.”

“Then I’ll fire you.”

Like it was that simple. And maybe it was because Andrew felt Neil relax slightly. 

“Okay... But we start on a trial basis. If it doesn’t work out, I can bow out quietly before a real season starts. I don’t want to deal with the press if I crash and burn.”

_You won’t._

“Yeah, of course, I don’t want to deal with them either if I’ve made a terrible choice. Excellent. I’ll let them know and we can start talking contracts. I’ll have a team jacket ordered for you. It’ll say ‘Assistant Coach’ and underneath ‘Josten’ on the front left side.” Kevin said it with his hands up like he was picturing it. Neil bit his lip, and Andrew knew what was coming, but he still couldn’t help trying to bite back a grin.

“Can it say Minyard-Josten?”

Seth was terribly loud.

“OH MY GOD.”

* * *

They were setting up to record a final message to the listeners when Andrew’s phone rang. It was a number he didn’t recognize, but Neil guessed after nearly two years of important random numbers blowing up his phone, Andrew went ahead and answered. 

When the person on the other line spoke, Andrew stood up straight and faced Neil, face a little paler than normal. He put it on speaker. 

“Mr. Clark,” he said. “I have Neil here with me. What can we do for you?”

 _Hailey’s dad_. Neil rushed to stand next to him. 

_‘I just wanted to thank you two. I know the police gave you a hard time and I know you had to fight to be heard. They wouldn’t give me details, but I saw online that you were arrested at that house in Newark.’_ Mr. Clark sighed, _‘I don’t know what happened but... thank you. We have her back -’_ He choked a little. _‘We’re just... we have her back.’_

Neil wrapped an arm around Andrew’s waist and Andrew sagged into him. 

“We’re glad,” Neil said. “We’re really, really glad we could help. How is she doing?”

Mr. Clark took a deep, what Neil thought steadying, breath. ‘ _Exceptionally well, considering. We think she was cared for pretty well by the old woman. She’s claiming her son told her that Hailey was being abused and he had to hide her or someone would kill her - I don’t know... I think she liked Hailey though. She’s having a hard time understanding, of course. We have a therapist lined up for her, but right now she’s just really excited about Halloween.’_

Neil laughed a little. “That’s... that’s really great,” Andrew said, quietly.

 _‘Yeah...’_ Mr. Clark paused for a moment and then, _‘Would you mind if she spoke to you..? We’ve told her in as simple terms as possible what happened, but we feel like we had to mention how hard you fought for her. She wants to say thank you.’_

Andrew and Neil looked at each other, stunned. “Of course,” Andrew said. A minute later a tiny voice came over the phone.

_‘‘Lo?’_

Andrew took a shuddering breath. “Hailey? Hi, this is Andrew and Neil.”

Her voice was little, small. It was sweet and slightly shy, _‘Thank you for... thank you for helping find me.’_

“Absolutely, you’re welcome,” Andrew said, and Neil could see that he was in Uncle Andrew mode. “We’re so glad you’re okay. I hear you’re excited for Halloween?”

They spoke to her for another minute about how she wanted to be a squirrel for Halloween before Mr. Clark thanked them again and they hung up the phone. 

“Wow,” Neil said. Andrew just nodded in agreement, so Neil gently pushed him into a chair and sat in his lap. “You okay...?”

“Yeah... I’m just... I don’t know. It feels odd to be thanked for it.” 

Neil cocked his head. “Did I never thank you for finding me?”

“Hmmm,” Andrew said, the threatening clouds in his eyes from the call parting to absolute clarity as he pretended to be thinking. “I’m not sure.”

Neil tsked his tongue and shook his head. “That just won’t do.” He took Andrew’s face in his hands and looked him in the eyes. “Thank you, Andrew Joseph Minyard-Josten, for finding me and saving me from a half-life.” He kissed him, and he hoped Andrew knew he meant it. He wasn’t joking. He would never be more grateful to anyone than he was to this man.

Andrew sighed when he pulled back before the kiss could turn into something more. His chin dipped as he turned his head in Neil’s hands, “I’ve been waiting for you to figure this out on your own, but you’re obviously not, so here.” He took Neil’s left hand and slid the ring off of his finger and held it up. Neil was confused until he looked closely at the inside of the band.

It was engraved. _‘You and Me’_ in tiny cursive letters catching the warm, midafternoon light.

Neil gasped because -

_Because_

“Drew, why are we like this?”

“Like what?”

Neil slid his ring back on and took Andrew’s off, showing him. “Look.”

Inside Andrew’s ring, the word _‘Fate’_ was etched. 

Andrew shook his head. “If I had known all those years ago you’d have me entertaining ridiculous fucking ideas like fate...”

“You would’ve been like ‘ _wow that sounds like fate_ .’” Andrew snorted and what was quickly turning into that _more_ and playful wrestling, was interrupted by the doorbell. Neil looked at his phone, panting. “It’s Robin, you have to get off me so I can answer the door.”

“I still win.” He kissed him again and moved, heading downstairs to let her in. Neil took a minute to straighten his clothes and make sure everything was ready, putting a mask in place before she got upstairs. 

She greeted him with a wave and after talking for a bit, they all sat down to start recording and wow...

_This is the last time we’ll be doing this._

With the camera’s red light flashing, Neil started them off. “Welcome to the last...well this isn’t really an episode is it?” he asked. Andrew shook his head. 

“Not really. More of a statement.”

“Welcome to the last _statement_ of season two of Red Rabbits,” Neil said. “I know it might be hard for people to hear us with masks on, but hopefully the captions we always use with our videos will help. Robin’s here and we want everyone to be safe, so we’ll stay in masks for the duration of the video.”

“So, we know we’ve been quiet, and we apologize for the lack of news,” Andrew said. “As you already know, Neil and I were arrested in Newark in the house that ‘Steven’,” he air quoted, “used to house his victims. It was an entire ordeal and honestly, we’ve been emotionally exhausted. We wanted to take our time figuring out what to say before we spoke.”

“That said,” Neil picked up. “There’s very little we can actually tell you. You’ve all seen the headlines by now that Hailey was found safe and a person of interest was arrested.” The news had broken that morning, and it was part of the reason they knew they had to say something now. “That’s literally all we can say. It’s an open investigation and we’re still not sure if we’ll be called to testify. _But_ the most important points here are: the man we suspected was arrested, Hailey is safe, and the Newark 9 will hopefully get the justice their families have been fighting for.”

Robin was nodding along. “I’ve heard from a few of them, as I know you have, too. They’re incredibly hopeful.”

“We are too,” Andrew said. “Also of note, I spoke with Sarah Alvarez and Laila Dermott of the Trojan Horse Podcast. They’ve let Jeffrey Arlington know the news, and he’s apparently already planning his next moves once he’s found innocent. He wanted to thank everyone for following his story.”

“That’s amazing,” Robin said. “I’m so happy for everyone involved in this. I hope he’s set free soon.”

“It’ll be a process,” Neil acknowledged. “Robin, why don’t you tell us a little about how you’re feeling right now?” 

She took a deep breath, her fingers beginning to fidget in her lap, but she stopped them with only a bit of effort. Robin lifted her head and let a ghost of a smile grace her lips. “Relieved. Happy. There’s a little bit of disbelief. I know it’s not, but it seems so sudden. Like he’s just always been out there, this complete mystery, and now he’s not. It’s amazing… I think I’m just still processing the reality.”

Andrew nodded knowingly and Neil knew it was because he felt similarly when Drake was put in prison. “What are your next steps?” he asked her.

Robin laughed and it was an amazing sound. “I have to pass this math class or I’m doomed! Seriously, just school. Still want to be a social worker, still playing exy when the season starts back up eventually. I’ve made incredible friends through the Pride Student Union here, and I’m just so grateful for everything I have right now. None of it would be possible without you two.”

Andrew tilted his head at her. “You did this yourself. You contacted us first. You brought us this case, gave us the evidence we needed. You set those girls free, Robin.”

“Ack,” Robin rubbed her eyes and at the tears that began to brim there. “Don’t, I don’t want to cry on camera. Talk about how you’re married now.”

“Gross, no way,” Andrew said, and Neil and Robin laughed.

“Seriously though,” Neil said, trying to school his face into something professional. “We wanted to also let you know here that there will not be a season three. We know you’d been wondering what comes next, and we’re not really sure, but Red Rabbits is officially done.”

Andrew chewed on his bottom lip and Neil expected to hear his pinky crack. Instead, he looked down at his lap to see him twirling his ring around his finger and suddenly, Neil felt his heart swell in his chest. Andrew just looked at the camera. “I talk a lot about therapy and taking care of your mental health, but I haven’t always been the best advocate for myself. For the sake of my own well-being, I can’t continue with RRP. It’s incredibly mentally taxing, especially when dealing with topics that mirror my own trauma so closely. I’ll always support organizations like the NCMEC and I’ll always fight for better access to mental health services, but not on this platform. We’re grateful to you, the listeners. The support has been overwhelming at times but in a good way. You’ve stuck with us for such a long time... Through delays and silence and long-winded explanations -”

“You’ve made us feel so welcome. We can’t begin to express how all of your tips and theories spurred us forward. All the asks, yes even the stupid ones, have been so much fun, and we hope to keep the website active, even if we’re not putting out episodes,” Neil added, and for the first time, he was sad that it was ending. 

“That said, Neil and I are working on another project. It’s something personal that may never see the light of day, but I think it’ll be a nice break for us.” Neil reached over and squeezed Andrew’s arm. “So thank you, Robin, thank you to Dan and Seth and Renee and Reynolds and even Boyd for helping us through this.”

“Thank you Abby for getting us out of trouble again,” Neil added. 

Robin laughed.

“And thank you, listeners,” Andrew said. “Thank you for everything.”

* * *

They walked Robin to the front door, and she stopped, turning and reaching into her pocket before she left. 

“I made you guys something...” she started, pulling out two long pieces of something woven and handed a purple one to Andrew and a gray one to Neil. “They’re friendship bracelets.”

Andrew snapped his eyes up to hers.

_Robin Cross was five years old when she was taken, and eleven when she was found. Before her kidnapping, she loved roller skating and making friendship bracelets for everyone she met. She hadn’t been able to do either of those things after Steven._

Andrew looked down at it and squeezed his hand around it. Neil slid an arm around his shoulder, probably sensing his loss for words. 

“Thank you, Robin,” Neil said. “These are really, really cool...”

“I made one for everyone and I made one for myself in the ace colors.” She held up her wrist where a braided bracelet in gray, purple, black, and white sat. “I can make you one, too, if you want.”

Andrew looked at Neil and watched his eyes light up. “I would _love_ one in ace colors. Make Andrew a rainbow one. Add a little color to his wardrobe.”

Robin laughed. “I will. See you guys around?”

Andrew nodded because of course she would. He would always worry about Robin, and while he agreed with Neil that he should take some time to worry about himself, he knew he’d still worry about the people that were _his._ “Yeah. We’ll see you around. And thanks.”

Robin just smiled and waved, heading to Dan’s borrowed car at the end of their driveway. 

Andrew was looking down at the bracelet when Neil slid it from his hand and tied it around his wrist. “You did good, Drew...” He kissed his wrist when he was finished. 

And then they headed back upstairs to clean up the office - putting away the equipment and pushing the chairs and desks back. Andrew wondered what they’d do with the big red monstrosities now that they wouldn’t be recording anymore. Neil just flopped into one though when they were finished, opening his laptop and starting on an English paper he’d been avoiding.

_They’ll probably just stay where they are._

In a patch of lingering sun the cats cuddled together, King’s fluffy tail rising and falling with Sir licking her cheek, and Andrew? Feeling contentment that spurred action, he settled into his own chair, opened his laptop. 

And began writing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright... wow, alright. Red Rabbits is ending, but does this end mean there's a new beginning????  
> Yes. Yes there is.  
> Jeni and I have a plan to write that very book - Wish You Were Here. A story of all the times Andrew and Neil thought of each other before Red Rabbits. We've been thinking about it for the past few months, getting so fucking excited to dive in but refusing to let ourselves until Season 2 was over.  
> Well, it's over. The thing is, we want to finish it completely before we even think about posting. We have so many ideas, but we don't want to be constrained to this strict (mildly strict... woops) schedule we've been on. Honestly it's draining and we want to take our time to make this into the best thing we possibly can.  
> We hope you stick with us when we finally get around to posting and of course, just like with Season 2, we'll post updates on the tumblr on when that's going to happen. Because we're not letting go of the tumblr. As Andrew said, we'll keep it active! We thought about doing a FAQ about RRP as a whole soon. Thoughts? Is that something you guys would want to see?
> 
> Ah... anyway... This truly is a goodbye to a really long, stressful, amazing, and rewarding saga. Thank you again, everyone, for being the absolute amazing 'listeners' that you are. We are honestly so fucking grateful for your love and support, we really don't think we can put it into words. So just... thank you. A million times, thank you. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated and don't forget, you can reach both of us on tumblr at [Jeni182](https://jeni182.tumblr.com/)  
> and [BloodyDamnit](https://bloodydamnit.tumblr.com/)  
> And as always, you can keep up with RRP socials here!  
> [Season 2 Tumbr](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/)  
> [Season 2 Ask box](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RedRabbitsPod)  
> [Robin, Andrew, and Neil farewell photo](https://redrabbitspod.tumblr.com/post/630462082320678912/closing-statementsthank-you-all-for-being-so)  
> *The passage Andrew reads to Neil is from The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern


End file.
